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1961
1962

I think it's time to hit the gym (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by thatsprobablytaken

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[–]binge90 420 points421 points ago

I wish there was a gym for my face.

[–]slyguy183 40 points41 points ago

I did a google search for "I wish there was a gym for my face" in quotes and you are the only person on the internet to put that up on a searchable website. That is pretty amazing.

Edit: Now there are 2. The previous post and this post.

[–]Bendzbrah 16 points17 points ago

""I wish there was a gym for my face" -binge90" - Michael Scott

[–]caitlinreid 8 points9 points ago

I wish there were a gym for my face - Copyright 2012, CaitlinReid

[–]tommijones 138 points139 points ago

Grow facial hair or reconsider your hairstyle. You'd be surprised how much it can help.

[–]binge90 237 points238 points ago

To be honest I was just making a joke.

[–]Crimson5 82 points83 points ago

Its true though, i let my hair grow out and grew a goatee with mustache. People started calling me jesus, so i shaved and got a hair cut. They still call me jesus though...

[–]lvnshm 71 points72 points ago

Be meaner to people. They'll stop.

[–]DrunkenAss 140 points141 points ago

Or just die for their sins.

[–]drmagnanimous 18 points19 points ago

Or use it for a halloween costume.

[–]RiPotato 38 points39 points ago

Go around on Christmas going door-to-door while asking people "Have you accepted me as your savior yet?"

[–]crackrock_dude 15 points16 points ago

And remember to shun the non believers

[–]RiPotato 9 points10 points ago

Protip: Carry around a lethal weapon that fires instantly and is easy to pull off as 'smiting' the Godless.

[–]thrashhard702 4 points5 points ago

I drank with Jesus at a Halloween party last year. Cool guy, can't dance though.

[–]3rd_Shift_Tech_Man 8 points9 points ago

And for my next trick, I'm gonna turn this water into....FUNK!

[–]heartofthechains 2 points3 points ago

It is all for you Damien.

[–]brandonkiel27 -1 points0 points ago

Lmao!!!

[–]BCP27 1 point2 points ago

What if he's Hispanic?

[–]star_witness 1 point2 points ago

Turn wine back into water. By drinking it and then peeing in their glass.

That should do the trick.

[–]lvnshm 1 point2 points ago

Jesus pissed water? What kind of Bible you got there, heathen?

[–]star_witness 0 points1 point ago

He's trying to prove he's not Jesus. But I guess what I described would be Bizarro Jesus. Hmm.

[–]saysomethingdumb 0 points1 point ago

then they'll just call him god.

[–]Eilish88 9 points10 points ago

Is it at all possible that your name is in fact Jesus?

[–]elebrin 1 point2 points ago

Then he can be Hey Zeus instead. Zeus was a God too, so it's all good.

[–]PEEL_THE_PENIS 0 points1 point ago

That's mean. :( But you're full of forgiveness, riiight..?

[–]chrisg12 0 points1 point ago

Andrew?

[–]stuhfoo 0 points1 point ago

except now the j is silent (like my farts)

[–]R3volte 4 points5 points ago

This calls for a picture proof.

[–]Mythiicmaan 1 point2 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/AjjzI.jpg

[–]ANDYBIERSACK 2 points3 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/vRcAJ.gif

[–]MYLITTLECLOPPER 2 points3 points ago

I am terrified because if that.

[–]atrociousxcracka 1 point2 points ago

Oh but there was some deep seeded subconscious truth there.. EMBRACE your ugly face... Then grow a beard and change your hair to make it look better

[–]Anarcie 5 points6 points ago

I naturally have a upside down ski slope chin. No definition at all....goatee cleared that right up

[–]heuheuheuheuh 5 points6 points ago

I wish I could grow a beard to cover my ugly mug.

[–]IIGe0II 1 point2 points ago

That feel when I haven't shaved in two months and have zero facial hair.

[–]tyrghast 2 points3 points ago

My hairstyle is being forcibly reconsidered. Damn you male pattern baldness...

[–]cohrt 1 point2 points ago

and if you can't grow facial hair?

reconsider your hairstyle.?

how?

[–]dressiertugboat 2 points3 points ago

My dad gave me a lot of good attributes, but the ability to grow awesome facial hair was not one of them. Fortunately, I'm still handsome as fuck.

[–]sashimi_taco 3 points4 points ago

In highschool this guy asked me out and I said no. A month later he got a new haircut and I wanted his dick so bad but I MISSED MY CHANCE because he started dating another girl. I've regretted this decision for 6 years now.

I learned my lesson to never be shitty like that ever again.

[–]logangarvey 2 points3 points ago

I have an upturnedish nose and a short, pointed chin. It doesn't really fit with my personality. I think it's unattractive and gross. In my mind, to match the personality, I would have a tall, dark, forward-facing, normal Mediterranean face. In reality, I have a tall, dark, pointy-faced thing going on. Nothing I can do about it, so I am just confident and I act the way I want to be seen anyway. I act the way I feel, I guess. People see me that way and if they don't, I don't worry about it. I like me, my wife likes me, and the people I like like me. No worries.

[–]cohrt 0 points1 point ago

really? what about the haircut changed him?

[–]sashimi_taco 1 point2 points ago

When you are a fickle teenage girl it changed everything.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Noahismyname 1 point2 points ago

Lol really? For not going out with a guy that she thought was unattractive?

[–]Shamwow22 1 point2 points ago

What about a guy with a weak jaw, the inability to grow decent facial hair and a receding hairline? I don't think you'd have much advice for someone like that. :p

Edit: Not referring to myself. Just giving an example where that advice wouldn't help. :p

[–]seweso 0 points1 point ago

I think it's called a gym.

[–]shortbusoneohone 56 points57 points ago

AT GLOBO GYM WE'RE BETTER THAN YOU, AND WE KNOW IT!

[–]glsand3 34 points35 points ago

No joke, I take a picture and in my head I think "yeah, that was good." Then when I see it on FB the next day I think "omg, how did anyone else fit in the picture with me??"

[–]spyson 3 points4 points ago

This was me in February, since then I've lost 35 pounds and have another 20 to go, it feels awesome man. Look up /r/keto it'll change your life.

[–]Sector_Corrupt 19 points20 points ago

And for those who want to make a change but without specifically going straight to "Never eat grains again" feel free to check out /r/loseit. The FAQ and community are great for losing weight.

[–]crackrock_dude 14 points15 points ago

I dont have a mirror in my room, so i take a look at my face sometimes on my webcam as a substitute. Due to the poor lighting and low res I always think damn, i'm lookin good. Walk outside n catch my reflection in a shiny window or something and i'm all like aw hell no

[–]PEEL_THE_PENIS 3 points4 points ago

Don't be so down on yourself, I'm sure you're very pretty! <3

[–]cloacamassima[!] 5 points6 points ago

oh you!

[–]PEEL_THE_PENIS 3 points4 points ago

You wouldn't happen to have a little bit more revealing photos of yourself, would you? Upskirt, maybe? ;)

[–]cloacamassima[!] 4 points5 points ago

I'm not sure I should do this, I'm a bit shy but, what the heck, here you go, obviously NSFW

[–]PEEL_THE_PENIS 1 point2 points ago

Oh yeah baby... Keep it coming... ;)

[–]hussy_trash 11 points12 points ago

This was me today : ( And yes, I need to hit the fucking gym.

[–]PEEL_THE_PENIS 1 point2 points ago

Where can you find these fucking gyms? They sound awesome.

[–]hussy_trash 1 point2 points ago

Not anywhere around my house :(

[–]Crimson5 12 points13 points ago

Yup on my health care card, why dident anyone say i looked like a hobo :(

[–]thatsprobablytaken[S] 11 points12 points ago

In retrospect, I should have titled this "I think it's time to hit the jim"

[–]sugarbooger89 20 points21 points ago

Boyfriend took a naked picture of me. He went to delete it and I grabbed it before he could. I looked at it and broke down crying because I couldn't believe that is what he saw when I was naked. I'm about 22-23 pounds down now. I have about 80 or so to go. As soon as my thighs stop rubbing together and my belly hangover is gone I'm done.

[–]FictionZeroZeroOne 15 points16 points ago

I've suffered with anorexia for much of my life and I have issues to this day looking at any photo of myself, or even looking in the mirror many times. The other day a friend took a picture of me and when she posted it on fb, I broke down in tears - even though I am intellectually aware that i am indeed underweight, I still look at myself and feel fat and unattractive.

My point, I guess, is that I know how you felt. It is difficult and many people have trouble understanding why someone would be so upset when looking at themselves in photographs... I hope you do well and manage to lose all the weight you aspire to

[–]casper_ov 2 points3 points ago

I have always wondered, if you have anorexia, and you look at someone your own height and weight, do you still see them as overweight? Or is it only your own personal body image? I feel like an anorexic must see everyone on the planet as overweight.

[–]waaaghbosss 4 points5 points ago

My ex is annorexic, and ive had this convo with her many times. She/they only really veiw themselves as fat. I could show her a pic of a normal sexy woman and shed think said woman looked great.

[–]FictionZeroZeroOne 1 point2 points ago

I hold myself to a different standard. If I see someone else of my same height and weight, I may even think they look a bit too thin - as far as seeing everyone on the planet as overweight, I wouldn't say that... like I said, it is more like I hold myself to a much different standard. When I see someone who is average weight or over the norm, I don't see them as fat - when I look in the mirror, I see the most ugly, pathetic, worthless person on Earth looking back at me, and he is the one I think needs to be deprived of food. Hunger eventually passes, but the feeling of misery hardly ever does

[–]casper_ov 0 points1 point ago

Thank you for the insight. That really must feel weird, not being able to realize when you look great. Listen to the people around you. They are the ones trying to do you, lol!

[–]sugarbooger89 2 points3 points ago

Thank you and good luck on your way to a healthy weight.

[–]muckdrop 0 points1 point ago

I think you should get rid of Facebook.

[–]PEEL_THE_PENIS 2 points3 points ago

I've never thought that if a girl's thighs are rubbing together, she would be too fat. Depends what type of body you have, if it looks good or not, but most of the girls I've seen, their thighs have been rubbing together, and there's nothing wrong with that.

[–]oliveh44 0 points1 point ago

I think you are right. i don't know where this comes from but usually they are rubbing together if you have a healthy weight. There was a girl in my class with the perfect body. Everyone said that. One day she decided to lose weight only because her tighs weren't rubbing. Now she is very skinny. It is not even pretty anymore.

[–]PEEL_THE_PENIS -1 points0 points ago

People can have such weird an unnecessary insecurities...

[–]sugarbooger89 0 points1 point ago

Yeah but it hurts when mine do. I'd like to wear a dress without having to wear spanx or a body minimizer. Especially on hot days. I don't remember a time they didn't rub together even when I was thin. But exercise to make my thighs leaner couldn't hurt right?

[–]PEEL_THE_PENIS 0 points1 point ago

Well, if you're in a healthy weight when your thighs doesn't rub together, I don't see a problem in that. Depends on your body type.

[–]whileyouwereliving 47 points48 points ago

Nope. I'm awesome.

[–]buttsack_ka_cha 72 points73 points ago

Bitch, I am FABULOUS. But in all seriousness... I'm fat.

[–]japatty 89 points90 points ago

Flabulous.

[–]Zantre 3 points4 points ago

I'm proud!

[–]CaptainBoots 2 points3 points ago

"Are you pregnant", my response "No, I'm just fat."

Had this happen to me twice in the past week, and I'm not even that big :(

[–]thatsprobablytaken[S] 6 points7 points ago

I think it's time for us to venture over into r/loseit territory

[–]buttsack_ka_cha 2 points3 points ago

Can we be best friends?

[–]thatsprobablytaken[S] 7 points8 points ago

How could I say no, buttsack?

[–]superretardman 12 points13 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/aFkKf.jpg

[–]Captain_Unremarkable 0 points1 point ago

No you're not dude don't lie.

[–]NarwhalAnusRape -1 points0 points ago

And so modest too!

[–]evilpoptart -4 points-3 points ago

Yeah, it's only by not working out that you become a complete shit.

[–]MAJORpaiynne 9 points10 points ago

I bet seeing this post on reddit ruined Jim Gaffigan's day

[–]prophetoffun 3 points4 points ago

his outfit was quite odd during this special.

[–]IronOxide42 1 point2 points ago

I saw him during the tour, and he had the same outfit. He went on for like 2-3 minutes about the outfit (of course, in the voice he does).

[–]Mikeman1060 6 points7 points ago

Wow, I'm actually watching this special as I saw this, that's pretty cool.

[–]meiam001 16 points17 points ago

Checkmate, atheists

[–]SlugsOnToast 17 points18 points ago

Gaffigan is one of the five funniest men currently alive.

The others, in no order, are: Brian Regan, Louis CK, Patton Oswalt and my buddy Jay.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Oh god, Brian Regan is still my favorite comedian of all time.

[–]IronOxide42 3 points4 points ago

No Colin Mocherie? I've seen him do a live thing with Brad Sherwood, as well as Gaffigan and Regan. I have not seen your buddy Jay perform.

And I would add John Mulaney to that list. A comic a friend just turned me onto last week. Absolutely fucking genius.

[–]mandrilltiger 2 points3 points ago

Thank you for mentioning John Mulaney so can link this long lost favorite clip of his that I saw on tv and a while back and couldn't find for over a year:

http://comedians.jokes.com/john-mulaney/videos/john-mulaney---favorite--law---order--characters/

[–]IronOxide42 0 points1 point ago

Ye are very welcome. I love that bit.

[–]SlugsOnToast 0 points1 point ago

I will take a look at Mulaney. Just because I limited my list to five doesn't mean I won't watch anyone else, of course. Besides, it's always nice to have an alternate. Gaffigan's probably got health problems, and Oswalt's been slacking lately..

[–]Othy 0 points1 point ago

Your list is missing Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, and Kevin Murphy.

[–]Shamwow22 -1 points0 points ago

I consider Chris Rock one of the funniest still-living comedians, with George Carlin being the funniest of all time.

[–]Allen139 5 points6 points ago

where is this from?

[–]Mattiotack 25 points26 points ago

Jim Gaffigan: Mr. Universe.

[–]mcoree 19 points20 points ago

by the way, GREAT standup special. One of my favorites

its on Netflix

Or on his website for $5, DRM free

[–]Munt_Custard 1 point2 points ago

Thanks for this, I have never heard of him before so I just bought this and watched it and it was great.

[–]mcoree 2 points3 points ago

Watch "Beyond the Pale", same comic, and probably his best work

[–]Mattiotack 0 points1 point ago

Another extremely funny comic is Gabriel Iglesias.

GET READY.

Full I'm Not Fat I'm Fluffy show

[–]Omnipotent0 0 points1 point ago

I like the bit on the bonus fry.

[–]bvanman 1 point2 points ago

I'd like to know as well. It's been a while since I've seen new stand-up from him, but that shirt and backdrop combo doesn't ring a bell.

[–]e7t -3 points-2 points ago

Reddit.

[–]forgan_reeman 3 points4 points ago

I am eating Velveeta Mac n' Cheese and drinking a Mountain Dew at the moment. Extreme - unhealthy meal!

[–]KittenPurrs 2 points3 points ago

5'7" and 110. I'm comfortable with myself in a mirror...then friends' pics happen. Turns out I'm not "lithe;" I'm built like a 13-year-old-boy. Nothing says sexy like visible bone stucture.

[–]Todomanna 3 points4 points ago

Don't forget to delete your facebook and contact a lawyer.

[–]Kingofsting11 2 points3 points ago

Ive conquered every single gym. Ive even beaten the elite four over a hundred times. Why am i not aesthetic yet?

[–]ahampster 5 points6 points ago

I read that in his 'voice'

[–]Nivardica 1 point2 points ago

But I like my face.

[–]skyhimonkey 1 point2 points ago

If Jim Gaffigan sees this, his day will probably be ruined.

[–]redgroupclan 2 points3 points ago

Hoott pockeett...

[–]adjacentsloth 3 points4 points ago

I immediately upvoted when I saw Jim Gaffigan...

[–]DrJudgmental 0 points1 point ago

Always.

[–]royalstaircase 0 points1 point ago

When that happens it makes me want to hit Jim for not being a good photographer.

[–]hyperqwertz 0 points1 point ago

Thats a reason why i drink!

[–]DeBombderp -1 points0 points ago

Well, at least I'm not as weird as Gaffigan.

[–]dvfaa -1 points0 points ago

Hot pockets

[–]Fuck_Usernames_ 1 point2 points ago

Myself.

[–]mcrmarine 1 point2 points ago

I love Jim Gaffigan

[–]iamnotatroll 1 point2 points ago

Which is why I stopped liking being photographed. So for me it was just hearing someone say they took pictures at an event where I was in attendance.

[–]trolli_baba 0 points1 point ago

lawyer up

[–]pulgasarisaurus 1 point2 points ago

I hope exercise can change bone structure.

[–]AllisZero 1 point2 points ago

Erryday.

[–]Pit_of_Death 1 point2 points ago

Do what I do and try to convince yourself people don't see you the same way you see yourself in photos.

[–]JTMTL 0 points1 point ago

Take kinda is true.

[–]ImmatureEjaculation 1 point2 points ago

Only you Jim, only you. You poor ugly bastard.

[–]BL00TH 1 point2 points ago

This is the funniest stand up I have ever seen

[–]IxnayStudios 1 point2 points ago

I get to see him on the fourteenth!! I'm so excited

[–]Samberto 1 point2 points ago

I've seen him twice -- he's awesome. I made him an embroidery the last time I saw him and he took a picture of it and put it on his twitter. YAY!

[–]Kingofsting11 0 points1 point ago

You can do any program you want but stay away from crossfit.

[–]tommysaidwhat 0 points1 point ago

i was just watching this 5 seconds ago.

[–]thebigyellow1sthesun 0 points1 point ago

Just saw him live tonight and then come here and first click was this. He is (more) odd looking in person.

[–]Valiant91 0 points1 point ago

This is why I don't own mirrors or let pictures be taken of me.

[–]thatsnotmyname111 0 points1 point ago

Oh my god. I just watched this last night with my friends... whom are all now obsessed with Jim Gaffigan :) Beyond the Pale is still my favorite though. Hot pocketsssss!

[–]TylerKeys 0 points1 point ago

It's really strange how when I look in the mirror naked, I get so used to that image that it looks totally normal, but then when I see a photo of myself I see all the little imperfections that I don't notice in my daily check in the mirror.

I'm sure there's some sort of scientific term for this.

[–]Costa21 2 points3 points ago

Same, also I'm a pretty small/slim dude. So when I'm alone in front of a mirror I think I look normal. But i'll see myself in pictures next to normal sized people, and I realize how small I am. When in front of a mirror I have no one to compare myself to, and I'm only looking at myself at angle I choose.

[–]thatsprobablytaken[S] 1 point2 points ago

By the way, these aren't skinny jeans. I'm just fat.

[–]Diego_Rivera 1 point2 points ago

Yes. I'm not terribly out of shape, but I have an ugly face. Maybe a better haircut would help, but then I'd still have the acne & acne scars.

[–]zanderbot 1 point2 points ago

This is the problem I have. Plus, as a guy, I really don't have the ability to cover it up with makeup.

[–]oliveh44 0 points1 point ago

Make up would make it worse. Have you ever considefed going to a doctor? It really helps a lot. My acne was gone in about a month

[–]zanderbot 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, been to many dermatologists. Nothing seems to help my skin. Don't feel like going the Accutane route because it isn't necessarily "that" bad. It is enough to be noticeable and distracting. I have tried microdermabrasion - it helped with the scarring.

[–]broshave 0 points1 point ago

Delete a lawyer, join a Facebook, hire a credit union.

I got this down.

[–]StainlessCoffeeMug 0 points1 point ago

Is this guy Bull from Night Court?

[–]Trill404 0 points1 point ago

Is it just me being critical, or did Gaffigan reshaped his entire comedy routine to be exactly like Louie CK just without the swearing?

[–]karltee 0 points1 point ago

I look at the mirror and I think to myself "Damn you hot pockets!!!"

Hottt pockettts.

[–]reddells 0 points1 point ago

DYEL

[–]palomino1991 0 points1 point ago

I'm having some body image issues right now. This hit me right in the feels.

[–]PipGirl3000 0 points1 point ago

Wow, I'm actually watching that on Netflix right now o.o.

[–]Minich 0 points1 point ago

Bacon

[–]TimesWasting 0 points1 point ago

LOL yeah. When I don't see myself for a while, my mind subconsciously automatically pictures somebody or something else and I feel good, but then when I see myself in the mirror my mood just fucking DROPS.

[–]sewnangel 0 points1 point ago

The very reason I'm on a diet now. =[

[–]FeculentUtopia 0 points1 point ago

Every photo. Every time.

[–]infectant 0 points1 point ago

Pictures of me do not exist.

[–]CaptainBoots 0 points1 point ago

No, what ruins my day is when people ask me if I'm pregnant. I'm not.

[–]KJAZZ 0 points1 point ago

Hit the Jim*

[–]ladarla 0 points1 point ago

Everyday'

[–]Fausto1981 0 points1 point ago

No because I already know I'm ugly.

[–]oliveh44 0 points1 point ago

I'm not very confident but here and there I take a picture of myself. Most of the time it looks horrible. You take hundreds of pictures but only a few are worth to collect.

I have to add that I weigh 10 pounds too much and I don't feel good in my body.

[–]HyzerFlip 0 points1 point ago

I was deleting photos/editing my ex out of photos on my Facebook (she demanded I change them) and I found a picture of myself from 2010.

If I still looked like that it would have ruined my day.

Instead it made my year to see how far I've come.

[–]drdragos 0 points1 point ago

how many people on reddit are overweight?

[–]bolomcspank -1 points0 points ago

No and I'm fat as hell

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Every photo of you is when you were younger.

[–]UncleDrunkle -1 points0 points ago

I hate that comedian. All he does is increase his voice pitch. Fuckin sucks.

[–]ljshea1 0 points1 point ago

...... Lawyer up, delete your facebook, and jerk off

[–]flojoetheteddiursa -1 points0 points ago

Finally, another Gaffagin fan!

[–]fuckyoufuckyou666 0 points1 point ago

Oh no. Another fucking retard.

[–]myfriendlindsey -1 points0 points ago

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/H0NUE.gif

[–]ExplainsStupidPosts -5 points-4 points ago

I get it. Easy internet points for posting a picture w/ captions of a video. It's more successful than the actual clip because the average redditor attention span is too long for a clip. LOL.

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