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top 200 commentsshow all 426

[–]Sniza 368 points369 points ago

25 years ago, everyone was laughing about people with a mobile phone. Now no one can leave the house without the fucking phone.

[–]Underdogg13 333 points334 points ago

Because back then mobile phones were the size of bricks and were as hot as Satan's nutsack after a minute of use.

[–]packilvania 286 points287 points ago

TIL how hot Satan's nutsack is.

[–]i_joined_4_this 118 points119 points ago

TIL Satan's nutsack is also smooth, very smooth.

[–]cuddlep00p 151 points152 points ago

[–]Kamakazi1 62 points63 points ago

Risky click.

[–]Jinnofthelamp 54 points55 points ago

But worth it.

[–]Msj2705 50 points51 points ago

And has a variety of delightfully colored cases that just slide right on.

[–]dont_press_ctrl-W 25 points26 points ago

And the option to choose between vibration and pre-set tunes.

[–]MoroseMoose 4 points5 points ago

Bitches love it when Satan's nut sack is smooth.

[–]TheGreatShlong 2 points3 points ago

smooth as eggs?

[–]TrustMeImUnemployed 4 points5 points ago

Smooth as eggs

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]sostopher 1 point2 points ago

NSFW...

[–]CodeBlooded 18 points19 points ago

TIL Satan's nutsack gets hot after a minute of use.

[–]UnwiseSudai 16 points17 points ago

And just like with cellphones, google glass as a concept will probably be around in a much smaller form that everyone uses.

[–]warriorman 25 points26 points ago

I forsee Scouters

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

What does the scouter say about my twitter followers?

You have OVER NINE THOOUUSSAAAAAANNNDD... followers. Good job!

[–]zelmerszoetrop 4 points5 points ago

Yeah - and once Google glasses become smartphone contact lenses, we'll all be wearing those, too.

[–]idahosportugal 5 points6 points ago

[–]Jonny_Watts 5 points6 points ago

And it was more convienent to cross the street and use a payphone.

[–]wegotpancakes 1 point2 points ago

And you were required to yell while using them.

[–]DrDreampop 51 points52 points ago

I leave the house without a phone everyday.

[–]aJackztheRipper 177 points178 points ago

I don't get it. How can you forget your phone everyday?

[–]justtowritethiscomme 29 points30 points ago

Don't believe his lies

[–]XSeveredX 16 points17 points ago

John G. Raped and murdered your wife

[–]BombsHockeynStuff 12 points13 points ago

I leave the house without fucking a phone

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]alcakd 5 points6 points ago

At least take it to dinner first.

[–]d3wayne 8 points9 points ago

I don't fuck my phone . At home or away.

[–]ThatCorrectOpinion 16 points17 points ago

I can even do it multiple times a day.

[–]FarmerTedd 5 points6 points ago

Wait...what was the original comment?

[–]ThatCorrectOpinion 11 points12 points ago

Yes.

[–]ilikeapples2 1 point2 points ago

Such a hipster

[–]Gustomaximus 0 points1 point ago

I like to leave mine at home on the weekend because screw being connected 24/7. And I find it amusing is how annoyed a few of my friends/family find this habit just because they cant contact me for half a day.

[–]BCP27 4 points5 points ago

Seriously, my phone broke a couple weeks ago and we ordered another, but that ended up never shipping and we had to order another and wait even longer.

I felt so vulnerable without my phone. I barely even use it, but to not have it when you need it......scary thought. Even scarier to think that people have only had this fantastic technology for such a short time.

[–]redgroupclan 3 points4 points ago

Some of us don't even have a phone.

[–]DogPencil 25 points26 points ago

Yea, some of us don't even have a phone!

Sent from my iPhone

[–]Broduski 1 point2 points ago

To be fair, My iPhone doesn't really work that well as a phone..

[–]Drunken_Economist 175 points176 points ago

For the same effect on my browser, they could just say, "Open bookmark 1".

[–]B_S_O_D 144 points145 points ago

ಠ_ಠ
<|>
/ω\

[–]Paxientas 68 points69 points ago

Why does your look of disapproval have an exposed nutsack?

[–]ryumast3r 65 points66 points ago

BSOD: Ball Sack of Disapproval...

I think. I know there was a guy called Balls of Disapproval or something like that once.

[–]Paxientas 10 points11 points ago

It takes real cajones to make a novelty account like this.

[–]Shardwing 7 points8 points ago

Virtual ones work just as well.

[–]Urban_Savage 0 points1 point ago

It really doesn't.

[–]UnderDogs 4 points5 points ago

Pfft. It my homepage.

[–]Stop_Sign 246 points247 points ago

GOOGLE GLASSES: IMAGE SEARCH BLUE WAFFLE

[–]imnotwitty 207 points208 points ago

TIL what blue waffle means.

I also learned how much I hate you.

EDIT: Accidentally a couple words

[–]SimplyQuid 62 points63 points ago

I've never learned what it means, but I do know I never want to find out.

[–]Aerri 87 points88 points ago

It's an vagina rife with stds/infections.

[–]crooks5001 117 points118 points ago

I'm pleased I stuck around to find the answer without seeing what it was.

[–]dewdnoc 66 points67 points ago

I wish I had done the same

[–]crooks5001 43 points44 points ago

I'm... I'm so sorry. Have an Upvote.

[–]Mr_Ected 3 points4 points ago

You made it all better! Like a mother's kiss on her child's boo-boo.

[–]BeenJamminMon 4 points5 points ago

You made it all better! Like a mother's kiss on her child's boo-boo blue waffle.

[–]Mr_Ected 4 points5 points ago

How did I know that someone would go there?

[–]ansvar17 1 point2 points ago

Let your imagination do the rest

[–]theultimatepixel 3 points4 points ago

And the internet is done for me today.

[–]Reckless_Abaddon 27 points28 points ago

Why, because someone mentioned that there's a picture of a vagina with an STD on the internet?

I've got some bad news for ya buddy...

[–]Krispyz 16 points17 points ago

Urban dictionary is generally a safe image-less way of searching for scary things.

[–]imnotwitty 39 points40 points ago

This should give you a good idea, if you are feeling brave.

http://i.imgur.com/WkWA1.jpg

You have to find out one day, just like I did. Why delay the inevitable?

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points ago

You know, I didn't even read the post. Just clicked the RES preview. This is why I always get fooled by these things.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

I hover zoom everything so for me it's even faster

[–]Mr_Ected 7 points8 points ago

FUCK YOU HOVER ZOOM!

Seriously man, why would you even post that? Can you at least put an NSFW(L) tag in bold so I don't hover over it by instinct?

You owe me dinner, I just lost my appetite.

[–]the_penultimate_user 3 points4 points ago

You sick bastard. Palate cleanser for everyone /r/Awww

[–]Periculous22 5 points6 points ago

Oh God Why Did I Click That Link!?

[–]sun827 2 points3 points ago

GOATSE!!!!!!

[–]Deadbabywalrus 1 point2 points ago

The RISKIEST click. Why the fuck did I even do that?

[–]Johnlovesyou 1 point2 points ago

BECAUSE I AM AT WORK ! Jesus FACK im done when Bill gets in.

[–]maugpet 10 points11 points ago

My Aunt taught me that. Sometimes I don't like my Aunt very much.

[–]ittakesacrane 6 points7 points ago

you saw your aunt's vagina?

[–]imnotwitty 5 points6 points ago

You must have a very interesting relationship with your aunt for her to have been the one to show you this.

[–]matttheok 4 points5 points ago

I think I gagged less due to my small screen.

[–]imnotwitty 5 points6 points ago

I dunno man, 3.5" iPhone screen here, and I let out a solid, less-than-quiet wretch or two on the bus.

I didn't dare explain why.

[–]sun827 4 points5 points ago

just report him at lemonparty.org

[–]yankeekm91 2 points3 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

TodayILearned you don't know what "TIL" stands for

[–]Mr_Ected 1 point2 points ago

No shit. I was thinking something sweet, delicious and innocent and I didn't quite get that upon search.

[–]SeymourLevov 67 points68 points ago

in case you are wondering, they are blue due to the increased blood supply*

  • source: obygn wife....just to be clear

[–]wellactuallyhmm 28 points29 points ago

Isn't the "blue waffle" image a Photoshop?

[–]NiteShadeX2 37 points38 points ago

Some are.

[–]shutupjoey 26 points27 points ago

The fun part is figuring out which are and which aren't.

[–]i_joined_4_this 8 points9 points ago

Oddly enough, I get paid solely to do that. AMA

[–]Speedingturtle 7 points8 points ago

Why?

[–]jesushitlerchrist 1 point2 points ago

Do tell.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

Can you always tell by the pixels?

[–]NextName 12 points13 points ago

The original blue waffle image was a 'shop, but the disease/disorder/dysfunction/infection is real.

[–]daedone 5 points6 points ago

Shouldn't that be decreased blood supply... y'know like when it's cold outside and your body pulls blood to your core to regulate temperature, which leads to discolouration in your extremities?

[–]LoversElegy 5 points6 points ago

Increase in blood supply can cause discoloration as well. It's common in pregnancy due to the extra blood volume.

[–]WBizarre 2 points3 points ago

Does your obgyn wife use the term in diagnosis? "I'm sorry ma'am, it looks like you have blue waffle".

[–]FalafelRaptor 32 points33 points ago

No.......No.No.No.No.No.......why?!?

Edit: No

[–]Nithel 11 points12 points ago

Yeah. Not going to try that. Can a previous victim let me know what I'm missing out on, please?

Edit: am I being downvoted for being worried about the other comments reaction, or for being wrong about this being a risky click? :-/ I'm sick of NSFL content.

[–]zero-2551 20 points21 points ago

hes just trolling its nothing but a blue waffle

[–]sun827 6 points7 points ago

aint nothin but a lemonparty!

[–]Catfish_Man 3 points4 points ago

Don't click on it.

[–]Xomz 7 points8 points ago

An std infected vagina that looks horrific on the outside. DO NOT DO IT.

[–]Nithel 1 point2 points ago

Thanks! Glad I decided to stick with my gut feeling.

[–]LNMagic 11 points12 points ago

When one says "blue waffle," do they not mean "blue carrots?"

[–]JustSomeDucksPaintin 47 points48 points ago

Why the hell did I click?

[–]Justascienceteacher 36 points37 points ago

Because blue links are magnets to the mouse pointer.

[–]zlam 4 points5 points ago

And it's blue. It cant be left blue. There must be a way to change its colour.

[–]friday6700 19 points20 points ago

Why was it purple for me?!

[–]CheezeburgerTroll 5 points6 points ago

I'm sorry.

[–]Holy-Breadcrumbs 14 points15 points ago

My dick twitched in pain...

[–]MadWombat 7 points8 points ago

[–]leahyrain 8 points9 points ago

that was another risky click

[–]phoncible 3 points4 points ago

HAHA I BEAT YOU

middle-mouse-click open in new tab without actually going to new tab, read title, close tab, i win

[–]Aerri 8 points9 points ago

Or you can just scroll over the link and read what it directs to. It says penile fracture.

[–]phoncible 2 points3 points ago

yeah but it's mired in all that google.com/&search?=content.typeMime/idon'tknowwhati'mtyping=searchterm:yourmom.gif

[–]Rainfly_X 7 points8 points ago

That was a risky click.

[–]LNMagic 2 points3 points ago

Karma-wise, it was a risky post. I'm a little surprised it's still positive.

[–]BombsHockeynStuff 1 point2 points ago

GOOGLE GLASSES: back alley eye removal

[–]StarFrog 64 points65 points ago

People tried the same shit with SIRI when it came out. I'm sure there is some way to activate voice-recognition like a long blink and then an eye roll.

[–]romistrub 12 points13 points ago

means alt+undo?

[–]Jinnofthelamp 13 points14 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

Will erase search history.

[–]shortyjacobs 12 points13 points ago

I did it to my friend, figured I was original. I'd never used it, but seen the commercials. "Hey, cool phone, can I see?" "sure" "From now on, call me Bitch."

He spent 5 minutes figuring out how to change it back. I was in tears.

[–]dragonmoony 26 points27 points ago

because that would work...

[–]Smy90 9 points10 points ago

Searching.. "Poor truck"...

[–]Bluefreakbob 594 points595 points ago

[–]duchovny 124 points125 points ago

[–]lostrock 76 points77 points ago

Story checks out, OP. You can go now.

[–]Badtuna 4 points5 points ago

Some reason I didn't know anyone used Imgur for anything other then Reddit.

[–]SubtlePineapple 2 points3 points ago

Some people I know, rather than using reddit, just browse the top images on imgur. At least they have no illusions about reddit's content.

[–]DiegoXIV 2 points3 points ago

What the shit.

[–]VeritablyClean 62 points63 points ago

  • Step 1: Did you make it yourself?
  • Step 2: No? IT'S A REPOST.

[–]Beretot 26 points27 points ago

What if I make something thinking I had an original idea, only to find out it's been posted seven hundred and thirteen times before, every time with slight modifications but always pertaining the same subject?

[–]VeritablyClean 17 points18 points ago

ACCEPTABLE, THE INTENTIONS WERE GOOD.

[–]CommanderCooper 4 points5 points ago

How can you tell the difference, though?

[–]Xpress_interest 2 points3 points ago

If someone calls him an asshole and people start to downvote him, his intentions were not good. If he gets upvoted, he is innocent.

[–]CommanderCooper 4 points5 points ago

So... the hivemind is the judge, then?

[–]ph0to 38 points39 points ago

link was purple - is a repost!

[–]nesatt 118 points119 points ago

Hahaha, those silly new inventions!

Did you hear of the new invention they call camera? I'm gonna jump in front of everyone who takes a picture and make scary faces or whip my dick out. It's gonna be so cool and funny.

[–]hacksoncode 33 points34 points ago

You and everyone else on 4chan.

[–]TrollKy 9 points10 points ago

Sharpie in your... nevermind

[–][deleted] 85 points86 points ago

Honestly if I was wearing google glasses (as I plan on doing) I would think this was hilarious if it happened to me.

But only, like, the first five times.

[–]cheese_from_WI 29 points30 points ago

For some reason I read your second line in Sterling Archer's voice

[–]ForgotFirstPassword 20 points21 points ago

You can actually read literally anything on the internet in Sterling Archers voice and it becomes funnier.

[–]Kaisuko 9 points10 points ago

Danger zone

[–]mgrier123 12 points13 points ago

Oh, that is classic you mother

[–]caveman_rejoice 1 point2 points ago

I can't fucking stop it.

[–]velkyr 4 points5 points ago

Imagine if someone ran up and instead of horse fuck, yelled "Russian nudist beach".

DO NOT SEARCH RUSSIAN NUDIST BEACH WITH SAFESEARCH OFF. POSSIBLY ILLEGAL SEARCH RESULTS

[–]robj31 1 point2 points ago

hahaha holy shit

[–]Fredderov 12 points13 points ago

Wasn't his what we used to say about Siri a year ago?

[–]endALWAYSnear 21 points22 points ago

It hurts when someone doesn't close the quotes

[–]fugazijaw 7 points8 points ago

After I read "a google glasses" I read the whole thing with an Italian accent in my head.

[–]mrminnesota 25 points26 points ago

Anyone else see the proper grammar attempt in the "I" got to love caps lock fucking this guy over...

[–]Peaceblaster86 6 points7 points ago

Ever think it is an ad bump for Apple? I didn't even notice that until you said something.

[–]Nithel 3 points4 points ago

He did his best, dammit. It's a cruel, unjust world.

[–]2Kool4Cool 3 points4 points ago

Strangely, I will now google search "horse fuck" to more fully appreciate the humor.

[–]thornae 4 points5 points ago

Dilbert, April 24, 1994.

There is nothing new under the sun.

[–]mofish1 2 points3 points ago

GOOGLE GLASSES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. GOODNIGHT.

[–]savagedm 2 points3 points ago

Not gonna lie, I'm still waiting for the downside.

[–]2Minutes5MinutesAgo 0 points1 point ago

"

FTFY.

[–]juru1876 2 points3 points ago

That lower-case I is really pissing me off.

[–]Kartikaya 2 points3 points ago

I feel like anyone who wears these on the beach is going to take so many photos they probably shouldn't...

[–]catsfive -1 points0 points ago

IMAGE SEARCH "Not sure if repost" posters being fucked in ass with giant life-sized wax statues of Nicholas Cage -GO-

[–]thegreatwhitemenace -1 points0 points ago

a good samaritan for google glasses users everywhere.

[–]RaveRaptor 1 point2 points ago

Jokes on you, that's the entire first half of my Sindays.

[–]RaveRaptor 2 points3 points ago

Sunday. Fuck I can't edit with this ap

[–]Quazz 0 points1 point ago

Voice recognition exists for a reason.

[–]terroristteddy 1 point2 points ago

What if they just punched you in the face?

[–]beanso 0 points1 point ago

If you found it on the internet and/or didn't make it yourself, it is a repost.

[–]michaelbosh 0 points1 point ago

For future reference, if you didn't make it; its a repost.

[–]scnavi 1 point2 points ago

I feel really left out because I don't even know what google glasses are.

[–]SowjetKaffee 1 point2 points ago

I'm pretty sure some basic voice identification wouldn't be too difficult.

[–]WASH_YOUR_VAGINA 0 points1 point ago

I had to type that in and look. I hate curiosity.

[–]ctrl_all_del 0 points1 point ago

mr. hands

[–]crowbar181 0 points1 point ago

I wonder how many people actually googled that after reading this

[–]nmgoh2 0 points1 point ago

If I meet someone wearing Google glasses I'm going to ask them to look up the nearest blue waffle place.

[–]Benevolentia 0 points1 point ago

And I'd just say "Google Glass: Close all Tabs" and live happily everafter.

[–]lockzhere 1 point2 points ago

Anyone else get pissed off about the one, and only lowercase letter?

[–]ZapActions-dower -1 points0 points ago

If you found it on the internet, it's a repost. If you made it yourself, it's not a repost, but it might be plagiarism.

[–]juantonjuanton 1 point2 points ago

Did anyone else go google horse fuck?

[–]mechanate 0 points1 point ago

It's nice of you to share your browsing habits with the public like that, but they do have sites for that sort of activity.

[–]ukiyoe 0 points1 point ago

CALIBRI

[–]lalondtm 0 points1 point ago

if you are "not sure if repost" it's most likely a repost

[–]SWgeek10056 0 points1 point ago

I saw a good one of these about siri. Can't find it though. Help, anyone?

[–]emsports98 0 points1 point ago

Is this Charlie from its always sunny?

[–]BDandC 1 point2 points ago

Thats a lot to try to say quickly without them stopping you....

[–]sotech 1 point2 points ago

Everything is a repost. Even this reply.

[–]jumbaco 0 points1 point ago

this made me laugh hard

[–]KrocDire 0 points1 point ago

I love "The Walking Dead", the comic is better though.

[–]Cubeface 0 points1 point ago

See, you can tell he had caps on when he made this because he tried to hold shift when typing "I" at the beginning of that last sentence.

[–]GreatPanjandrum 0 points1 point ago

Related from a few months ago.

[–]Keirhan 1 point2 points ago

am i the only one who actually want's some of these?

[–]sommergirl 0 points1 point ago

Have they actually tried making a pro to type or is it still on the drawing table, because I can't possibly imagine how one would be able to focus on something that is only about 0.5" away from your eyes.

[–]runaway491 0 points1 point ago

"google search: where is the second quotation?

[–]cmn2207 0 points1 point ago

"OH GOD HOW WILL I POSSIBLY PREVENT MYSELF FROM SEEING SAID BESTIALITY?!? Oh, you mean these things aren't glued to my head for all eternity?"

and then you take the glasses off...

[–]planet_rob 0 points1 point ago

Let us know when that happens. I truly doubt it ever will.

[–]mrfoozy 0 points1 point ago

What if it's daytime?

[–]matt420therose 0 points1 point ago

As if Google wouldn't use voice recognition software.

[–]Swerdman55 0 points1 point ago

"Google Glass: Close all tabs."

Done.

[–]ObscureERN 0 points1 point ago

RICK FORM INTO WALKKINS.

[–]thefru 0 points1 point ago

Am I the only one who thinks they should be called Google Goggles?

[–]NoNotHimAgain 0 points1 point ago

Someone didn't get that pony they wanted as a kid. Or did they?

[–]toss_reply 0 points1 point ago

I think that you will want a burst audio sync device so that it says it w/o you 'saying' it. I'm thinking something small and semi unnoticeable like this: TV B-Gone. Perhaps some enterprising young dev will create this to keep Google glasses on its toes?

[–]TsterT 0 points1 point ago

I love how the only non-capitalized letter is the "I" in the last sentence.