major_redditor was a simple man with simple needs. Just a chuckle-worthy repost with a formulaic title combined with a topical comment was enough to make him clap at his unresponsive computer monitor. But his friends and family liked him for this, as he was always the yes-man of the group. If someone needed a helping hand or a comforting hug, he was always willing and able. But one day, his life took a sudden turn for the worse.

He had been walking down the street in a rough part of town, when he noticed two tall men wearing pantyhose on their heads accosting a terrified young lady with knives. They were quietly murmuring to her in a threatening manner, and her pretty face was wracked with worry. She began handing over her purse, but in an act of defiance pulled out a can of pepper spray and unleashed a torrent of burning liquid in the eyes of her assailants. As they fell to the ground writhing in pain, major_redditor couldn't help but grin widely and clap at her success from across the street.

But within seconds, the criminals were clambering to their feet again, unbeknownst to the woman who had since turned and begun running away. major_redditor's smile turned to a fearful gape as the men turned their attention to him, shouting about reputation and revenge. He turned and tried to run, but tripped over a loose stone in the road and fell flat on his chest. The muggers were right at his heels as he tried to stand, but they swiftly stabbed him in both legs, incapacitating him from escape. They flipped him over, revealing his widened eyes filled with tears, and mocked him mercilessly in between blows to the head.

After minutes of this onslaught, the aggressors deemed their work fit for display, and hung major_redditor's limp body from a stop sign. He was no longer able to resist, and silently accepted his fate as they walked away. In his battered brain, time passed as slowly as a fish swimming in tar, until finally the police arrived. During the ride back to the station, he was filled with regret at his habit of unbridled enthusiasm, and made an oath to act more disciplined in the future, and to rid the streets of lowlife scum like his attackers. And a hero was born...