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A Christian friend of mine just told me that "God is making Chick-Fil-A healthy for the good people buying it, but it isn't seen by scientists because God doesn't want Satan's Army to know the secret." (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by TheLonelyStranger

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[–]imkish 127 points128 points ago

God regularly saves cancer patients! The doctors just kill them afterwards in order to keep atheists in power!

[–]YummyCultist 74 points75 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/uIok2.png

[–]LiteweightPhenomenal 12 points13 points ago

Gold Jerry! Gold!

[–]Poster_Nutbag12 6 points7 points ago

Why do they call it 'ovaltine'....

[–]ricebowlol 7 points8 points ago

They should call it roundtine.

[–]Poster_Nutbag12 1 point2 points ago

I mean, the cup is round..

[–]rabbitrun 1 point2 points ago

The jar is round...

[–]534seeds 1 point2 points ago

Fuck off, Jesus.

[–]TheLonelyStranger[S] 25 points26 points ago

Yea, like that one atheist president...ya know, that guy. The one with the face. And things.

[–]thomyorke64 27 points28 points ago

For what it's worth, I strongly suspect we've had our share of atheist presidents.

[–]larg3-p3nis 35 points36 points ago

Give his recent comments Obama is very likely an atheist... or a Kenyan Socialist Nazi Muslim Atheist.

[–]SkyWulf 3 points4 points ago

I highly doubt he is actually an Atheist.

[–]BrandenKP 1 point2 points ago

He's actually a chruslamishmmph , of course. He's the most religious one I know.

[–]thomyorke64 4 points5 points ago

Yeah, that foreign, liberal, evil, double-heathen.

(I took the liberty of substituting the generic slur intended by conservatives for the words they can't actually define.)

[–]TheLonelyStranger[S] 0 points1 point ago

Thomas Jefferson is suspected to have been atheist, if not deist.

[–]Imalurkerwhocomments -1 points0 points ago

don't worry we aren't all dumbasses I licked serendipity and ended up here and want to apologize for his moronic behaviour

[–]TheLonelyStranger[S] 1 point2 points ago

What?

[–]Diplomjodler 5 points6 points ago

And in the dark erm.. I mean blessed ages, where prayer was the only medicine available, people regularly lived to 100.

[–]thomyorke64 95 points96 points ago

Dare your friend to eat it every meal of every day. Make him buy extra on Saturday to carry him through the weekend. Essentially, get your friend to go full "Super-size me" on Chick-Fil-A so you can both figure out if God considers him one of the "good people," and question his faith if he hesitates.

[–]elitenls 24 points25 points ago

Yup; Natural Selection. It needs to be done.

[–]rasputine 18 points19 points ago

This is artificial selection.

[–]rick2g 28 points29 points ago

The line between natural and artificial is artificial.

[–]Diplomjodler 6 points7 points ago

That depends on whether one considers stupidity innate or acquired.

[–]clee-saan 4 points5 points ago

Mind=blown

[–]NOIMBOYURGUR 0 points1 point ago

aren't humans natural?

[–]rasputine 0 points1 point ago

No. The definition of the term 'natural' explicitly excludes human activity.

[–]NOIMBOYURGUR 0 points1 point ago

Ohhh I see what you did. You googled "natural."'

It says "Existing in or caused by nature; not made or caused by human kind."

So, by your logic, humans made humans. We are not "caused" by nature, is what you're getting at? Maybe because you have to have humans to birth humans, we are caused by humans? Hmm I don't like that definition. Someone should change it.

[–]rasputine 0 points1 point ago

...are you stoned, an idiot or both?

[–]NOIMBOYURGUR 1 point2 points ago

both

[–]CODDE117 1 point2 points ago

He kinda does have a bit of a point though... Humans were made by nature, and so everything we do is natural.

[–]rasputine 0 points1 point ago

Not really. "Nature" is defined as everything that isn't human or caused by humans.

We are a product of nature, but by virtue of have created the language and the words therein, nature means exactly what we said it does, viz: not us or anything we do.

[–]CODDE117 1 point2 points ago

Very good point. You have swayed me.

[–]elitenls -4 points-3 points ago

Nah, if the government forced everyone that went to church and believed the bullshit to eat only at Chick-Fil-A, then it would be Artificial Selection.

load more comments (35 replies)

    [–]tristanimator 4 points5 points ago

    He will be swelling with faith!

    [–]sheepsleepdeep 3 points4 points ago

    Better yet... buy him a fried chicken sandwich and soda for 2 meals a day. In 30 days his liver will begin failing and his pants will no longer fit and his sexual performance will decline dramatically. Fuck that asshole. Its worth giving chickfila money to see him realize how fucking stupid he is.

    [–]N8CCRG 4 points5 points ago

    This action is bordering on homicide. I'll bet with the right lawyer you could win that in the US.

    [–]thomyorke64 3 points4 points ago

    With the right lawyer, I think you could sue both OP and Chick-Fil-A, and maybe even God for criminal negligence.

    [–]Canadian4Paul 7 points8 points ago

    Yep. See this wikipedia article on agency law: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_agency

    Implied actual authority, also called "usual authority", is authority an agent has by virtue of being reasonably necessary to carry out his express authority. As such, it can be inferred by virtue of a position held by an agent. For example, partners have authority to bind the other partners in the firm, their liability being joint and several, and in a corporation, all executives and senior employees with decision-making authority by virtue of their position have authority to bind the corporation.

    I'd say Priests and Bishops have the implied actual authority, meaning God is liable for their actions, legally.

    You could even argue the Pope has:

    Express actual authority means an agent has been expressly told he or she may act on behalf of a principal.

    See you in court, God.

    [–]thomyorke64 2 points3 points ago

    Oh man, we are going to be so rich.

    Screw a settlement, just give me a shopping cart and run me through the Vatican. Whatever I can grab in ten minutes.

    [–]Canadian4Paul 2 points3 points ago

    You won't be the one laughing when you realize all of the valuables are too large to fit into a shopping cart.

    [–]frogandbanjo 2 points3 points ago

    Including the solid-gold shopping carts, ironically.

    [–]bobartig 1 point2 points ago

    There's no express authority because god hasn't said anything. What you're looking for is Agency by estoppel, where one maintains the appearance of being agents of another, and the other has notice of, and acquiesces to that appearance.

    [–]Canadian4Paul 2 points3 points ago

    Actual authority can be of two kinds. Either the principal may have expressly conferred authority on the agent, or authority may be implied.

    It is implied (at least to Catholics) that the pope has authority to speak on behalf of God, if not express authority.

    [–]DeadGuyKai 29 points30 points ago

    You need a better class of friends.

    [–]chirs3 61 points62 points ago

    In other words, "I enjoy making shit up."

    [–]Cyl1d3 10 points11 points ago

    I don't now if I should envy or laugh at that amount of creativity.

    [–]EnigmaticTable -2 points-1 points ago

    Do you want to know what the best part is?

    People will still upvote this kind of shit.

    [–]dissent_of_man 4 points5 points ago

    this could be directed at OP as well as the alleged 'friend'. framing christians as idiots is an easy way to get free internet points.

    [–]Gimli_the_Elf -2 points-1 points ago

    I hate this subreddit so much.

    [–]CODDE117 0 points1 point ago

    Then *drumroll* Unsubscribe!

    [–]Tannerleaf 20 points21 points ago

    Does Satan's Army have a recruitment office?

    [–]ElGuano 12 points13 points ago

    Subscribe button, to the right over there ---->

    [–]Kabatic 8 points9 points ago

    It-It's invisible??

    [–]DrainSmith 8 points9 points ago

    Satan chooses his own. Only those he chooses can see it.

    [–]TigerLila 3 points4 points ago

    Well, shit. And I was all set to start torturing some believers. Can I be a freelance mercenary since both God and Satan have rejected me from their armies?

    [–]Grindstone50k 2 points3 points ago

    I'd be down to join a mercenary company..

    [–]CODDE117 0 points1 point ago

    "Team Fortress 2: the Next Life"

    [–]DrainSmith 2 points3 points ago

    I wouldn't take it as outright rejection, more of a 'not at this time'. Freelance torture is probably just what you need to make the cut.

    [–]TheLonelyStranger[S] 1 point2 points ago

    I just got promoted to General

    [–]briangiles 1 point2 points ago

    I want to be an officer!

    [–]Tannerleaf 1 point2 points ago

    Woohoo! When do we get issued our pitchforks, or are they tridents? I would also like a wicked bronze helmet with big horns on it please.

    [–]JBLovecrafty 2 points3 points ago

    Fuck Satan's Army, I am joining Cthulhu's army. The uniforms are better and you get all the seafood you can eat. =)

    [–]moonra_zk 0 points1 point ago

    BBQ > Seafood

    [–]JBLovecrafty 0 points1 point ago

    and BBQ Salmon is greater than all...except for pork ribs =)

    [–]tinkyXIII 0 points1 point ago

    Why not both?

    [–]moonra_zk 0 points1 point ago

    Because I don't think there's fish in hell.

    [–]imekon 7 points8 points ago

    A short story: Conversations in Hell (c) 2012 by imekon.

    So, there I was sitting with Satan, sipping my bloody Mary, firey trident in other hand.

    "Um, Satan?", I asked.

    "Yes sweetie", he said with the breath of ten thousand dead things on toast.

    "What's with the red feather boa?". I pointed at the resplendant red thing wrapped seductively around his neck and rugged torso.

    "Well, you know, you guys, you rule hell!"

    "Which guys", I asked.

    "You know?!? You gays, lesbians, bisexuals, asexuals, pansexuals, transgendered and all other shades in between... you guys rule hell!"

    "I thought that was you!"

    "Nooooo. After all, you're more hated by the fundies than anyone else! Who else would be in charge of Republican souls when they find themselves down here?"

    "Really? That's... interesting. Wait a minute! We're dead down here, aren't we?"

    "Yes?"

    "But I don't feel anything if I do this!" and plunged my trident in my thigh.

    "Of course not!"

    "But why?"

    "You don't believe that's why! But THEY do!", and Satan pointed at a recently deceased republican, cowering before a butch leather clad guy brandishing a heavy trident, drawing blood as he poked and prodded.

    "Ooooooo, now this sounds like fun!", I said. I wandered over the the republican who lay bleeding and sobbing on the ground, and poked him a few times with my firey trident. He groaned and moaned and begged for mercy. The leather clad guy stood to one side grinning as I delivered my punishment.

    "Hey Satan!", I called. "Do we get to do this all eternity?"

    "YES!" came his reply.

    "I think I like it here".

    [–]TheActualAWdeV 4 points5 points ago

    This sounds an awful lot like Him from the powerpuff girls.

    Just not with the breath thing.

    [–]Tannerleaf 1 point2 points ago

    Chortle!

    [–]W00ster 2 points3 points ago

    Well, it is easy to join the Pastafarian Foreign Legion...

    [–]Tannerleaf 1 point2 points ago

    Do they ask any awkward questions though, you know...about one's past?

    [–]juliuszs 7 points8 points ago

    You either need to be more selective in the choice of your friends, or start borrowing money from that one.

    [–]Eviledy 5 points6 points ago

    I had a discussion with a christian coworker about the pagan holiday of Christmas and the response was " Isn't it great that god can steal a pagan holiday and make it a christian one".

    I had a response back but that explanation was all that was needed on the coworkers part to believe that god steals from pagans.

    [–]Eeizbee 9 points10 points ago

    and i thought my friend telling me "throwing up cures overdoses just like when you drink too much and throw up to feel better" yesterday was fucking stupid. i guess it wasnt so much that he told me that but more so that he was adamant about it even after i asked him what drugs in your blood stream have to do with your stomach contents and challenged him to (god forbid) look it up. (Spoiler alert he didn't look shit up but still was 100% right in his own mind and "won" yet another discussion)

    earlier in the night i looked up a film career of an actress because he was sure she was an actress in the 80's, her career started in 1998. according to my friend the people editing wikipedia are fucking retards and got it wrong. :-| brought to you from the fine mind who tells me they proved ghosts exist and i'm just too closed minded to see the truth

    K im done venting

    [–]funkengruven88 1 point2 points ago

    Darwin is calling, will your friend answer?

    [–]TheLonelyStranger[S] 1 point2 points ago

    Fuck. At least my friend left the discussion alone before it turned into an argument.

    [–]CaesarCheese 8 points9 points ago

    As an Australian, I just couldn't imagine I would ever hear that statement uttered out loud by anyone in my everyday life.

    Just incredible

    [–]worldsrus 1 point2 points ago

    I could imagine it. Australia's were trolling before it was called trolling. Why stop at drop bears and hoop snakes?

    [–]basshumpinyoface 6 points7 points ago

    She says that now, but wait till she starts having to take insulin for the diabetes she's going to get from eating too much garbage.

    [–]scottmill 8 points9 points ago

    God invented insulin to keep the good people from going to heaven too soon.

    [–]Flat_out_no_lube 6 points7 points ago

    Son, you never go full retard.

    [–]wtfOP 2 points3 points ago

    what in the fuck

    [–]RAGING__LONER 1 point2 points ago

    "It's weird, I just make stuff up and I believe it automatically. This is how facts work!"

    [–]benk4 2 points3 points ago

    Don't tell them! They'll be evolved out soon.

    [–]NEXT_VICTIM 2 points3 points ago

    Why do I feel a whole bunch of 'In Soviet Russia' jokes comming?

    [–]Uppercut58 2 points3 points ago

    Can't argue logically with a fanatic.

    [–]NuclearStudent 1 point2 points ago

    But, if you, really tried.

    [–]Acidsparx 2 points3 points ago

    I can't wait for Satan's Army to figure out KFC's 11 secret blend of herbs and spices next. For that they can have my soul.

    [–]scottmill 2 points3 points ago

    "Chicken, grease, salt."

    [–]Acidsparx 2 points3 points ago

    Here is your 1 free soul coupon. Redeemable between June 4, 2045 - June 11, 2045. No purchase necessary. Value 1/10 of a cent.

    [–]cyrusm 2 points3 points ago

    wouldn't it be easier to make Chick-Fil-A poisonous to Satan's army...?

    [–]yesukai 1 point2 points ago

    Anyone who truely believes in a god is mentally ill. Nonsensical garbage that aligns with the fantasies they have created should not surprise you.

    [–]thegunboats 1 point2 points ago

    If your friend really said this, I think you need to turn on your sarcasm detector. If he really meant it, I want to know how you became friends with such a person.

    [–]c0pypastry 2 points3 points ago

    Send this to your friend

    [–]junction182736 1 point2 points ago

    Seems legit...

    [–]claymoreccclx -1 points0 points ago

    Although it's fake, upvote for making me laugh a little.

    Actually, nah. This isn't /r/funny.

    [–]Motafication 2 points3 points ago

    Satan's army? Fetch the sword of Gryffindor!

    [–]ironpandas 1 point2 points ago

    i keep re-reading this quote and still have no fucking clue what he's saying

    [–]TedTheGreek_Atheos 1 point2 points ago

    Relevant

    [–]EvOllj 1 point2 points ago

    "friend"

    [–]JBu92 1 point2 points ago

    sounds like someone needs to think about who they consider "friends"

    [–]echoxer0 1 point2 points ago

    you have one dumb ass friend...

    [–]bhindblueyes430 0 points1 point ago

    srsly? troll harder.

    [–]honeycakes 1 point2 points ago

    ...This gif made me cry with laughter.

    [–]itsamericasfault 1 point2 points ago

    Yeah, Chick-Fil-A has more than enough "good" stuff on their menu, so it is a matter of choice.

    [–]Hermione_Granger1 1 point2 points ago

    Kay, this will seem ignorant and such but upvote for the gif...hilarious

    [–]captainbaugh 2 points3 points ago

    I don't blieve you.

    [–]TheLonelyStranger[S] 1 point2 points ago

    Yea, it's pretty unbelievable. But some people are just that stupid.

    [–]SilenceSeven 3 points4 points ago

    People believe what they want to believe. True or not I just let it go, it's not worth the argument.

    I doubt it's any healthier than anything else you can get served to you in less than 3 minutes.

    [–]chillyhellion 2 points3 points ago

    "people believe what they want to believe". The first time I read this I thought you meant the OP's story about his Christian friend's ignorance.

    [–]dirtyjersey84 3 points4 points ago

    And that friend turned out to be Albert Einstein...

    [–]2jace 1 point2 points ago

    "Well this isn't that funny..." wat - Now I can't stop laughing...

    [–]rshook27 3 points4 points ago

    okay.....I'm christian...and I think that is fucking retarded. Everybody has their own right to believe what they want tho....

    [–]WorkingMouse 1 point2 points ago

    Sure, so long as no one is harmed.

    This case is questionable.

    [–]oaktownraider13 3 points4 points ago

    that gif is so.. perfect.

    [–]randomly-generated 0 points1 point ago

    Your friend is a fucking idiot.

    [–]lavagreen -1 points0 points ago

    So we allow "a friend of mine said.." posts here, now?

    Off the deep end we go..

    [–]TheLonelyStranger[S] 0 points1 point ago

    Oh. Well, sorry to have disappointed you. I'll take my downvote and go.

    [–]47Ronin 1 point2 points ago

    "/x post from r/wtf"

    [–]bauhausrobotpl 1 point2 points ago

    Who befriends these people???

    [–]TheLonelyStranger[S] 0 points1 point ago

    I did when I was young and forced to go to church every weekend. I had never heard of atheism until I was 9, and when you're indoctrinated to have the same opinions as the crazies, you don't think they're crazy.

    [–]grapefish 1 point2 points ago

    Delusional, moronic, superstitious, and stupid.

    [–]jtypin 1 point2 points ago

    Chances are, you shouldn't be friends with this person...

    [–]ihavenoshadow 1 point2 points ago

    .... BRILLIANT! Go along with this and encourage him as much as you can - tell him to spread the truth. Soon we'll have every ignorant Christian eating so much chic-fil-a they'll all die off at once and we can finally have peace in the US.

    [–]Kayin_Angel 1 point2 points ago

    By "Christian friend" you meant bat shit crazy person you heard rambling on the street corner. Right ?

    [–]CallMeAnEngineer 1 point2 points ago

    Hmmm... Why don't we create a massive geodesic dome over a large island... and put all like-minded people on it?

    [–]briamil2 1 point2 points ago

    This made me LOL, literally.

    [–]Iorek 1 point2 points ago

    If you replaced "god" with "government" someone would put him on some serious medication.

    [–]TheDivineWind 1 point2 points ago

    "Well you're going to ruin the secret if you keep blabbing about it. Think about how pissed off God'll be if you spoil his plan?"

    Then walk away and never turn back. /o/

    [–]drneanderthal 1 point2 points ago

    I really hope you are fucking kidding and if this is true your friend needs to go kill himself now. like. right the fucking fuck away.

    [–]darkNergy 1 point2 points ago

    Wow, that's some class-A nutjobbery.

    [–]callaghan87 1 point2 points ago

    This is the funniest picture I have ever seen anywhere ever. It is almost the funniest thing I have ever seen

    [–]hthu 1 point2 points ago

    Apparantly, SOME of those "good people" can't keep a secret.

    [–]fromkentucky -1 points0 points ago

    I call Bullshit.

    [–]Imtakingadump 1 point2 points ago

    Deep fried chicken and waffle fries are healthy? I didn't know!

    [–]LazerChicklets 1 point2 points ago

    Make that bitch a tinfoil hat.

    [–]Wolfblaine 1 point2 points ago

    ಠ_ಠ

    [–]JBLovecrafty 1 point2 points ago

    well one should not be shocked by a statement like this from a member of a religion since religion requires the belief in the unfounded everyday.

    [–]isuckataccountnames 1 point2 points ago

    John Freeman... saver of humens

    [–]Luthalis -1 points0 points ago

    No they didn't.

    [–]patchsonic 1 point2 points ago

    christian....friend?

    [–]Velocette 1 point2 points ago

    Aren't the bible belt states the most obese states? I guess god doesn't care about how healthy their every day meals are, just the special "I hate gays" meals.

    [–]YouJustSaidWhat 1 point2 points ago

    No, we are all pretty much fat fucks.

    Speaking as a Midwesterner, it would be awesome if people would stop assuming we are all backwards, mouth-breathing imbeciles.

    Speaking as an Iowan, I can safely say my state is a leader in the nation for the support of same-sex marriage and forward-thinking social practices. It would be nice if people would recognize the fact that all "Bible Belt" states are not refuges for Christian fundamentalism.

    [–]giverofnofucks 1 point2 points ago

    Good, I assume that means when you need a quadruple bypass, you'll go see your priest and not waste the time of medical professionals.

    [–]creepyswaps 1 point2 points ago

    Fat is the nectar of the angels what fills your arteries with the blessing of all of God's eternal love of heart attacks.

    [–]Poster_Nutbag12 1 point2 points ago

    Well that just begs the question, who would win? Satan's Army or Dumbledores Army?

    [–]TheLonelyStranger[S] 1 point2 points ago

    They'd team up and kick God's ass

    [–]lobstermagnet 1 point2 points ago

    Kinda like transformers huh?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YahNhXSD1Zs

    [–]mollywollydoodle 1 point2 points ago

    My sister,a paranoid schizophrenic who refuses to take medication and is a religious zealot, would say something just like this to me if I ever talked with her about it. But I do not, because talking with her is unpleasant enough. She's convinced I'm surrounded by demons at all times.

    [–]402ANGEL402 1 point2 points ago

    That is the stupidest shit I've ever heard!

    [–]electriic_ink 1 point2 points ago

    For a bunch of sceptics, you don't seem very sceptical.

    [–]belloch 1 point2 points ago

    Tell your friend you told the Satan's Army about the god's secret and thank him for spilling it.

    [–]edog123100 1 point2 points ago

    That gif is going to become one of the faces f r/atheism. I love it because it saves us from having to make a rage comic

    [–]didntgetthememo 1 point2 points ago

    You need new friends.

    [–]CharlesMcHutchence -1 points0 points ago

    This never fucking happened

    [–]TheLonelyStranger[S] 0 points1 point ago

    I just got on reddit for the first time today and saw this thing. How in the hell did I, of all people, get a front page post? The most upvotes I've ever gotten on a post was 200 and something. You guys are awesome

    [–]takuyafire 1 point2 points ago

    Wait...it's an animated jpg?

    [–]verekh 0 points1 point ago

    CHECKMATE ATHEISTS!

    [–]Dixzon 1 point2 points ago

    So scientists are the foot soldiers of Satan's army? The scouts?

    I don't want to live on this planet any more.

    [–]styrofoamboots7 1 point2 points ago

    Makes sense.

    [–]TheLastMuse 1 point2 points ago

    You have low standards for those you consider a friend.

    [–]Barb0 1 point2 points ago

    I seriously just spit all over myself laughing. You have made a fool out of me at my place of business.

    [–]TheLonelyStranger[S] 0 points1 point ago

    Glad to be of service tips hat

    [–]Gman777 1 point2 points ago

    Should put his imagination to better use.

    [–]Chris1218218 2 points3 points ago

    No s/he didn't.

    [–]TheLonelyStranger[S] 0 points1 point ago

    OH shit you discovered my secret, good job. Hope those 2 upvotes were worth ruining my life's dream of reddit karma, fuck it, have another. Good job, well done, keep this up and you may someday get a whole nother comment karma. :D

    [–]fuzzycuffs 0 points1 point ago

    How do people have friends this retarded?

    Do you volunteer at some place that makes sure these idiots don't drown on their own saliva they are so stupid? And because of that you've met them and befriended them?

    [–]Bikenutt 0 points1 point ago

    I have a morman friend and he would NEVER utter such moronic crap. Pick your friends better.

    [–]compressors_are_bad 1 point2 points ago

    Mormon

    unless you meant 'merman', in which case I think the atheists of Reddit might consider you crazy, since they're all about the science bible

    [–]Bikenutt 1 point2 points ago

    Yeah, mispelled it. I'm just glad he as well as I, keep away from the religious subject matter when we converse. We have better things to talk about.

    [–]tiyx 0 points1 point ago

    So if your friend knows this, why does Satan not know this?

    [–]ganbaregoemon77 0 points1 point ago

    There's already a Satanic chicken place for Satan's Army to eat at. The workers are dressed up like characters from Harry Potter, and they ride around on Velociraptors. The toys this week in their kids meals are beheaded figures from the Narnia films.

    [–]Swiss_Cheese9797 0 points1 point ago

    If Satan's army finds the secret, will they use it to make their own chain of restaurants?

    [–]TheLonelyStranger[S] 0 points1 point ago

    KFC

    [–]ItalianDanMan 0 points1 point ago

    Wait, What the Fuck? I thought the secret to keeping the Satanic Atheist Army was drinking protein shakes made from babies.

    [–]Auspants -4 points-3 points ago

    Straight up bullshit, either you're the biggest motherfucking liar on reddit or you hang out with the dumbest motherfuckers on earth.

    It's fucking sick that you need to make up stupid shit like this to try and score internet points and be part of some atheist clique.

    [–]Valmorian 5 points6 points ago

    I have heard things said in all seriousness from religious people that rival this. Do not underestimate the delusions of faith.

    [–]TheLonelyStranger[S] 0 points1 point ago

    Valmorian got it right, some people are actually this stupid. And I only hang out with him because we've known each other for so long and like the same movies and tv shows and games and shit.

    [–]MaximumCarnageX -4 points-3 points ago

    your friends with him...why?

    [–]InHarmsWay 0 points1 point ago

    Isn't there a bible verse similar to what your friend just said? Something about poisons will not harm you?

    If they want to clog their arteries, let them.

    [–][deleted] ago

    [deleted]

    [–]babeltooth 2 points3 points ago

    so brave.

    [–]picquic -1 points0 points ago

    really? wow christians can be so stupid. i love when people post what their christian friends say, it really shows how gullible religious people are.

    [–]TheLonelyStranger[S] 0 points1 point ago

    sarcasm.jpg

    [–]jgs1122 0 points1 point ago

    Thank you for my first laugh out loud moment this morning!!

    [–]Jailhouse_Cock -2 points-1 points ago

    This didn't happen

    [–]exasperated -2 points-1 points ago

    Nobody ever said that. You atheism folks really grasp onto just about anything.

    [–]Montybrython -1 points0 points ago

    Here let me add a completely irrelevant picture so I can get karma that thing that doesn't matter from this completely made up story!

    [–]scotttech1 -2 points-1 points ago

    you are clearly lying, to make Christians look bad and it backfired, now you look bad, have a good day

    [–]elbruce 0 points1 point ago

    I don't understand how one has a friend like that. If anybody said that to me, they wouldn't want to be my friend any more after they heard my response.

    [–]r4diob0x 0 points1 point ago

    Dying right now. Dying of lol. DYING.

    [–]wayndom 0 points1 point ago

    You seriously need to make better friends...

    [–]adzug 0 points1 point ago

    see you can just make whatever you wanna believe true and if you disagree youre a satanist. questions?

    [–]robcantplayhockey 0 points1 point ago

    Because there are labs that are dedicated to making sure your fast food is healthy.

    [–]dedliyeti 0 points1 point ago

    Then why are all of the 'good' people still fat as fuck?

    [–]Sarah-Gregg 0 points1 point ago

    It's...I can't...oh, my head...it's depressingly hilarious that people actually think like that.

    [–]jgs1122 0 points1 point ago

    I think the band KISS was part of the army.

    [–]awe300 0 points1 point ago

    hahahahahaah

    to be fair, it's not as if this is his only delusion

    load more comments (1 reply)

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