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all 171 comments

[–]angrymale 222 points223 points ago

As a UK person, why was that in her undies?

[–]Fijigiga[S] 69 points70 points ago

It wasn't. It was it was just a drawer full of papers and such.

[–]halfveela 201 points202 points ago

WHOOSH

[–]Fijigiga[S] 77 points78 points ago

WHOOSH

[–]diggemigre 77 points78 points ago

WHOOSH

[–]LATKE_IN_MY_TUCHES 63 points64 points ago

All this whooshing is making me dizzy

[–]diggemigre 68 points69 points ago

THIS GUY ISN"T WHOOSHING!

[–]ASS_WRINGING_SMASHER 28 points29 points ago

[–]Apsis 8 points9 points ago

Give the governor a whoosh!

[–]iNeedMyKingButterfly 5 points6 points ago

Terrified: Whoosh!

[–]MantheDam 7 points8 points ago

Growled: You watch your ass...

[–]Durpulous 26 points27 points ago

WOOSHWOOSHWOOSHWOOSHWOOSHWOOSH

[–]iheartbakon 66 points67 points ago

W H O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O S H

[–]TerrorBite 1 point2 points ago

You win the "Best Whoosh" award.

I'm stealing this whoosh.

[–]a424d5760ab83a7b1a0e 15 points16 points ago

I said, ALL THIS WOOSHING is making ME THIRSTY.

[–]liquidose 3 points4 points ago

[–]HonestCorporation 0 points1 point ago

No, All THIS whooshing is making ME thirsty.

[–]Anindoorcat 2 points3 points ago

Oi !

[–]srs_house 11 points12 points ago

WHOOSH

amateurs.

[–]Chaosnova7 -3 points-2 points ago

Where did you find that?

[–]srs_house 0 points1 point ago

Reddit, about 2 or 3 years ago.

[–]scooterboo2 17 points18 points ago

WHOOSH

[–]MRBlueWaffles 20 points21 points ago

Tom Cru... WHOOSH

[–]SoloWing1 -1 points0 points ago

C-C-Combo breaker!

[–]Uconnyao 6 points7 points ago

What does whoosh mean?

[–]SnowyMahogany 11 points12 points ago

It just means that the joke went over someone's head. Like the sound of something flying overhead.

[–]Uconnyao 6 points7 points ago

which means the person doesn't get the joke, right? Sorry English is not my mother tongue.

[–]DesignDecay 17 points18 points ago

Well walrus to you. Thank you for catting my native stirup. Yes, it does mean that parrot joke.

[–]Uconnyao 2 points3 points ago

What????!!!!!!what what what?!?!

[–]DesignDecay 0 points1 point ago

Simple fried my dear you me mined. Learn a bit of kettle.

[–]SirCannonFodder 0 points1 point ago

A good website to learn slang usage of words is Urban Dictionary. Eg, here's their article on whoosh.

[–]FreedObject[!] 2 points3 points ago

They should be careful on UD though. I would say at least half of the words there aren't common slang, rather they are some middle-schooler's strange sense of humor

[–]Uconnyao 0 points1 point ago

I'll take that advice, thanks

[–]Uconnyao 0 points1 point ago

Thank you so much.

[–]7point7 13 points14 points ago

WHOOSH!

[–]Flipao 0 points1 point ago

Are we back in the island?

[–]Cold_Kneeling 2 points3 points ago

My mind went straight to Nanny Ogg :)

[–]bvrmgnt 2 points3 points ago

As someone from the southern US, I also clicked the link kind of squinting fearfully through one eye.

[–]gijane480 5 points6 points ago

no you people already stole pants... you can't have drawers too /s

[–]AusIV 0 points1 point ago

What do they think pants means?

[–]gijane480 0 points1 point ago

underwear, trousers= pants as we know it

[–]AusIV 1 point2 points ago

Ah. I thought you meant they used the word "pants" to mean something different. Using the word "trousers" instead of "pants" doesn't generate confusion for me, because the word "trousers" is still unambiguous. Using the same word with a fundamentally different meaning generates more opportunity for confusion.

[–]gijane480 -1 points0 points ago

Ahh. ok... I'm American, so pants = trousers and trousers is hardly said. drawers is used for underwear in the South. But mostly it's just underwear.

[–]AskMeAboutMyScrotum 2 points3 points ago

Or if you're my black dad trying to be funny, it's "draaaws"

[–]TexasKevin -1 points0 points ago

I was fearful clicking on the link that I was going to get a pic of OP's Grandma's bush.

[–]IMTERRIBLEATPICKINGU 50 points51 points ago

My mom used to use this same recipe a few times a week...

[–]RicoSuave803 29 points30 points ago

Check the tequila

Now beat your son untill he is a good consistency

[–]John_Philips_Sousa 48 points49 points ago

My mom did the same thing; and now that I think of it, every morning... and afternoon. And evening. Thinking back now, I think she might have been addicted to cake.

[–]IMTERRIBLEATPICKINGU 7 points8 points ago

Sounds like our moms used to hang out.

[–]pittrx 5 points6 points ago

Right in the feels.

[–]moderndayvigilante 0 points1 point ago

A few? Lightweight.

[–]ONXwat 127 points128 points ago

Man, that was absolutely worth reading. fucking hilarious.

[–]gardogg 21 points22 points ago

haha thats hucking filarious

[–]Aston_Martini 9 points10 points ago

Dyslexic humor is the bestic humor!

[–]dannyr 19 points20 points ago

Lysdexics of the World Untie!

[–]skelly326 11 points12 points ago

Someone gorfot their lysdexia demication this norming!

[–]Lazerus42 5 points6 points ago

I read that way to easily...

[–]hobbsarelie83 4 points5 points ago

I shot beer through my nose reading this

[–]Wheelchairdawg 44 points45 points ago

It's like something I would receive from my grandma as a "funny" email.

[–]vanillablack26 19 points20 points ago

I just learned this place exists...

[–]Wheelchairdawg 7 points8 points ago

Oh. This is magnificent.

[–]Melodicon 70 points71 points ago

RE: RE: FWD: FWD: FWD:

[–]I_Sheet_In_The_Pool 25 points26 points ago

This might take the cake for being the funniest thing I have come across in the past week!

[–]Birthmark 18 points19 points ago

You are a simple man.

[–]LRP 6 points7 points ago

I see what you did there.

[–]Downvote_This_Maybe 8 points9 points ago

First day on the internet?

[–]I_Sheet_In_The_Pool 6 points7 points ago

I lost track of the exact number, but I know it is around 2 or 3.

[–]aesu -1 points0 points ago

Years, or decades?

[–]moderndayvigilante 0 points1 point ago

DAYS

[–]Gh0stP1rate 15 points16 points ago

Copypasta for copypasters:

Great Christmas Cake Recipe PROBABLY THE BEST YOU HAVE EVER HAD!

Christmas Cake

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups flour

  • 1 stick butter

  • 1 cup of water

  • 1 tsp baking soda

  • 1 cup of sugar

  • 1 tsp salt

  • 1 cup of brown sugar

  • Lemon juice

  • 4 large eggs

  • Nuts

  • 1 bottle tequila

  • 2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the tequila again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point it's best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case. Turn off the mixer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt... Or shumething. Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat.

Bingle Jells!

[–]dcroni 1 point2 points ago

aw no. i lack one fluffy bowl :(

[–]Gh0stP1rate 0 points1 point ago

No, you just need more Tequila.

[–]xlaxplaya -1 points0 points ago

You sir, are a gentleman and a scholar. I thought I was going to have to type this whole thing up myself.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]MaidenLane 8 points9 points ago

What's great is that it was obvious that this took a while for you to write out properly, yet the judgment remained swift and harsh against ye.

[–]Martyr_the_swedes 5 points6 points ago

Its not legit, he just copypasta'd the recipe into this:

http://ermahgerd.jmillerdesign.com/#!/translate

[–]skadferlyfe 23 points24 points ago

"Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat".. Haha!

[–]dawgiesman1 2 points3 points ago

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

[–]LakeStClair 28 points29 points ago

RE:FWD:RE:FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD: HILARIOUS CAKE RECIPE

[–]moderndayvigilante 1 point2 points ago

Sometimes I look at my mom's e-mails when she's checking them, just to see what's up...

Yeah, these types of e-mails still exist. Blows my fucking mind.

[–]fysu 12 points13 points ago

Bingle jell, bingle jell, bingle all the way...

[–]BagOdonutz 4 points5 points ago

Lost it at "strain your nuts".

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

Not related to anything, but getting drunk with older people is something we younger people don't do enough of.

[–]BCouto 3 points4 points ago

I lost it at "Add one table"

[–]effieokay 2 points3 points ago

I know this is an old joke but it makes me laugh my ass off every time.

[–]hellbent64 2 points3 points ago

reminds me of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ws70oI3yMBc its from the 80's in Hawaii.

[–]ptgkbgte 1 point2 points ago

Thanks for posting.

[–]hucku 1 point2 points ago

Bingle Jell.

[–]Bitrandombit -1 points0 points ago

Cerry Mismas Erryorne!

[–]thomasluce 0 points1 point ago

Maybe I've had a few too many, but I really did laugh out loud for some time reading this.

And I want cake.

[–]Ahtna 0 points1 point ago

Don't forget to beat off the turner...and wipe the counter with the cat.

[–]CasyMay 0 points1 point ago

wow

[–]thpiper10 0 points1 point ago

A similar recipe for Kahlua cupcakes

[–]haddockcpt 0 points1 point ago

Dont forget to beat off the timer.

(・・?!

[–]drommekage 0 points1 point ago

I was expecting some more grandma Nazi memorabilia.

[–]actuallyitsnotokay 1 point2 points ago

Upvote for "frigging"

[–]PlethoraChutney 1 point2 points ago

Text-based-adventure version of My Drunk Kitchen?

[–]javi5747 0 points1 point ago

I didn't find a version with subtitles, but http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3Twp8C9TUw

[–]TheOctoberOwl -1 points0 points ago

Refraining from using "gem" I see.

[–]BaconCanada 1 point2 points ago

I was hoping the recipe would actually end with something to eat...

cat was a nice touch though

[–]Abomm 1 point2 points ago

Mix on the turner I died

[–]Psuffix -1 points0 points ago

First time I've seen something in a chain e-mail from my mom before Reddit.

[–]CheekyMunky -1 points0 points ago

Baking soda and lemon juice, eh?

[–]AdNoctum 1 point2 points ago

Oh man the first funny post I've genuinely laughed at in a while.

[–]HRtheGingaNinja 1 point2 points ago

I'm surprised my Grandma doesn't have something like this. It sounds like something she'd own.

[–]SteelMagnolias 0 points1 point ago

Bingle Jell

That's the one.

[–]bfoureleven 0 points1 point ago

"found this gem in a chain email, thought it deserved better!"

[–]Cthulhu_Bloop 0 points1 point ago

Man, I'd love to score some fink, but it's so hard to come by.

[–]Scopeftis 0 points1 point ago

Damn, I was really looking forward to some Christmas cake too.

[–]HopelessDistraction 1 point2 points ago

DREWSCRIVER

[–]Mehworth 0 points1 point ago

[–]weebonnielass 0 points1 point ago

totally found a recipe like this in one of my mom's old southern cookbooks. substitute rum and fruitcake and it was the same thing.

[–]Skeeter1292 1 point2 points ago

Ha ha i have not laughed that hard in a long time.

[–]Clever__Girl_ 0 points1 point ago

Jesus... 3 CUPS of tequila with quality assurance tests here and there....

1 cup= approximately 7 shots

[–]Karamin-Daze 0 points1 point ago

Good god, that is priceless XD

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

She probably filed it there that last time she made this recipe but forgot where it went.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

"Oh come on, she was my mum’s aunt. I only met her about twice. It’s not like she was Ian Curtis; she was never going to make a seminal album. She couldn’t even make very good Christmas cake."

[–]Lelleybug 0 points1 point ago

Hey, I was in a play last December called Christmas Pudding, this is the monologue I performed from it. That play has some of the best monologues and poems ever. Y'all should all check it out!

[–]Slybunny 0 points1 point ago

Ah! I could have had karma for this! I have the same recipe!

[–]Razenghan 0 points1 point ago

I've found much more interesting things in your grandma's drawers.

[–]UncleDrunkle 0 points1 point ago

Your grandmother had a lot in her undies

[–]kylearm 0 points1 point ago

...Yeah, this thing has been around for probably about 100 years. The first time I saw it, I was in elementary school. I'm almost forty now.

Jesus.

[–]MonkeyCore 0 points1 point ago

Old...still funny. Wipe counter with the cat, this killed me.

[–]UlyssesSKrunk 0 points1 point ago

Hardest I've laughed on reddit in a LONG time.

[–]AetherIsWaiting 0 points1 point ago

Bingle Jell

[–]buckarooney 1 point2 points ago

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and pured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under tha affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

I'm going out on a limb to say this was written by Harry Morgan (Colonel Potter on MAS*H, Gannon on Dragnet). I've heard a recording of him performing it, I'm sure, but the Internet seems to think it was written by HENRY Morgan (I've Got A Secret), which could also make sense - AND Harry Morgan started his career as Henry Morgan but changed his name to avoid confusion with the other guy.

[–]jamieg1973 0 points1 point ago

Robert D. Raeford on the John Boy and Billy Show.

[–]Sgt_Soggybottoms 0 points1 point ago

we did it! the worlds best cup of coffee! great job!

[–]Trenches 0 points1 point ago

The wipe counter with cat got me.

[–]TopGun32 0 points1 point ago

I have a very similar recipe passed down in my family from my great grandmother. It is for a rum cake instead. It has been in my family for generations. The rum is always delicious.

[–]burntham77 0 points1 point ago

"Greash the oven." Did a DJ write this?

[–]grimvover9000 1 point2 points ago

Expected something else from "grandmother's drawers." Walked away a little disappointed and very relieved.

[–]TacoEnfuego 0 points1 point ago

did any body see the bingle jell?

[–]Bologna24 1 point2 points ago

I'm commenting too!

[–]uknodis 0 points1 point ago

Gunna try this, might not be at Christmas..... But I'd better try and make it everyday, to make sure I get the recipie just right

[–]ceallaig 0 points1 point ago

I used to have this 'recipe' and lost it --- thanks for the post!

[–]RazerHail 0 points1 point ago

MFW 1 whole cup of sugar... scroll scroll... TEQUILA?! Someone gunna die tonight...

[–]kenman 0 points1 point ago

I get this forwarded to me yearly around Christmas time... not as funny anymore :\

[–]weoutheeyah 1 point2 points ago

gradual_drunk?

[–]TokerCoughin 0 points1 point ago

[–]jbtk -1 points0 points ago

I'm seeing this exact recipe word for word all over google. Maybe she just copied, pasted and printed it.

[–]Fijigiga[S] 2 points3 points ago

I wish she knew how to do that. I'm guessing my aunt emailed it to her and she asked someone to print it. It's at least a year old because nobody's been in those drawers in longer than that.

[–]halfveela 5 points6 points ago

in those drawers

Hey-o!

[–]Fijigiga[S] 0 points1 point ago

Well nobody's been in THOSE drawers in at least 25 years, I'd wager.

[–]Ausgeflippt -1 points0 points ago

Beat off the turner.

[–]cakes 1 point2 points ago

Yeah! I read that part too!

[–]Ferok -1 points0 points ago

Lmfao imagining this being read in a strong Irish accent like this guys

[–]MattyD95DX -1 points0 points ago

This is a classic, I blog possted it on myspace (yes way back then) Xmas 2007 and 8

[–]ellivibrutp -1 points0 points ago

Brilliant use of spoonerism!

[–]Looks_Good_In_Hats -1 points0 points ago

It's extra funny when you read it drunk. Trust me.

[–]milleribsen -1 points0 points ago

Recipe by: Hannah Hart

[–]give_a_drummer_some -1 points0 points ago

If all else fails, Add one table.

[–]drmrsanta -3 points-2 points ago

How the hell does anyone drink one, let alone many, CUPS of tequila?

I understand it's a joke, but it really should say "Take a large bowl, and check the tequila again, to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. PASS THE FUCK OUT."

[–]MalbecGuinness -3 points-2 points ago

FFS.... really?

Yes, this was funny for 60-year olds in 1992. Well done.

[–]aequitas3 -5 points-4 points ago

I swear to drunk I'm not god!