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690

Never assume. NEVER. EVER. ASSUME. (imgur.com)

submitted ago by weinerdudley

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[–]sonovel 11 points12 points ago

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. -- Dave Barry

[–]redplusblueispurple 0 points1 point ago

Haha my dad says this all the time. Now I know where he got it

[–]Rummy9 6 points7 points ago

If i was a woman, and i was pregnant, i would totally just say "IM NOT PREGNANT" to anyone who asked about it up until i gave birth.

[–]E11i0t 5 points6 points ago

I've heard of women who, when their belly is touched in public, simply put their hand on the strangers belly an make eye contact until they stop. I keep wanting to try this but no strangers have touched my obviously fetus filled belly.

[–]SuperEgo_Bitch -1 points0 points ago

Why?

[–]Rummy9 1 point2 points ago

to fuck with people, obviously.

[–]Odille 2 points3 points ago

to mess with them...

[–]Coca_Cola_for_blood 5 points6 points ago

Someone asked my mom if she was pregnant when she was pregnant with me before she knew that she was pregnant, needless to say she was unjustifiably outraged.

[–]come_on_seth 2 points3 points ago

Maybe not. How did you turn out?

[–]Quepstar 2 points3 points ago

Having said that, I work at a pharmacy, and when asking a woman "Do you pay for your prescriptions?" she said "What do you think?!"

"Uhm... Well... You're clearly not under 16, or over 60... Is this a prescription for contraceptives, or are you currently on any types of benifits?"

"No, you bitch, I'm pregnant!"

There is NO WINNING with us females!! :/

[–]BecauseWeCan 4 points5 points ago

Why the fuck would anybody answer on such a yes/no question with "What do you think?"?

[–]Quepstar 4 points5 points ago

After 6 years in customer service and hospitality, I can safely say this:

BITCHES BE CRAZY!!

the term "Bitches" here referring to people in general.

My overall message I am trying to pass off here is that people are very, very strange and unpredictable.

[–]benoit75 2 points3 points ago

Disproportionately

[–]thisisnotalice 1 point2 points ago

This is the worst when I have a seat on public transit and there's a rather round woman standing. What's worse: not offering your seat to a pregnant woman, or offering your seat to a not-pregnant woman?

[–]Dougleton 1 point2 points ago

My mom assumed once. Turns out it was a massive stomach tumor.

Most awkward moment of her life

[–]darthn3ss 1 point2 points ago

massive stomach tumor

Pretty much the same thing.

[–]theodrixx 2 points3 points ago

unproportionally

Hnnnnggggg...

[–]Mona_Lisa_Smile 2 points3 points ago

I was with my friend and her sister was about 7 months pregnant with twins, it was obvious she was pregnant. Even before she was pregnant due to a past event, she has panic attacks when strangers try to touch her. When we were out she had on a t-shirt that said "No touching!" on the belly. Well, along comes a group of 5 women 30-50 years old. They all quickly dash to my friends sister and she starts to freak out. My friend and I tell them not to touch her and stand in front of her. I shit you not they got mad at us and one of them said "She's just being a prude and greedy by not letting us feel the baby!" They walk off angry and calling us all names and glaring back at us. When did it become totally natural to walk up to a total stranger and rub their belly like it was public property?

[–]Chiispita 0 points1 point ago

that happened to me witha teacher at high school! I asked her "are you pregnant miss?" her answer was "NO >:("

[–]come_on_seth 0 points1 point ago

NEVER. EVER. ASK

[–]come_on_seth 0 points1 point ago

I'm fat but can never get pregnant.

[–]oograh 0 points1 point ago

Some women get offended if you do not say anything when they are pregnant though. Which is why, if I see someone who may be pregnant, I run the other way screaming like my balls are on fire.

[–]kimshoo 0 points1 point ago

My sister looks pregnant, but she's just losing weight in a very disproportional way. Never assume.

[–]Nioxic 0 points1 point ago

isnt it better to think people are pregnant?

"Oh hi.. you look pregnant".. if they aren't they would be offended, and if they are, they will be happy.

If you say: "oh hi, you look fat".. then no matter if they are pregnant or just fat, you lose.

women are evil. cant win with those people!

[–]deidru 0 points1 point ago

No because you fall into the area of, they haven't just the baby weight yet, they had a miscarriage, they are on hormone therapy, or they are just a nasty bitch.
Long story, not told: Lady at work asked a coworker how her pregnancy was going, coworker had miscarriage. very, very awkward scene.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points ago

Eh, insulting a fatty isn't terribly dangerous, and the entertainment value outweighs the danger as long as you can run for >3 min.

[–]SuperEgo_Bitch 3 points4 points ago

Well sometimes a woman still looks pregnant after she has had the baby. That would be a HUGE blow to her self-esteem if someone was like "oh! When is your baby due!?" and mother replied "I gave birth two weeks ago". No entertainment value there.

[–]alexmarie0118 0 points1 point ago

I actually asked somebody I hadn't seen in a couple months when the baby was due & she gave me this awkward look & said she already had it a few weeks ago. I scurried away pretty fast after that.

[–]whistlestoannoyyou 0 points1 point ago

It's really not your fault if they take that as an insult.

[–]come_on_seth 0 points1 point ago

giggle, 'outweighs' snicker

[–]IRRELEVANT_NAMI -3 points-2 points ago

Fatties don't run, you can fast walk and have the same results!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

wrong, pro football players disprove this. and have you ever seen a fat kid on his way to a food line? don't think so, they save up their energy for quick bursts, that's why they are always there ahead of you

[–]IRRELEVANT_NAMI 1 point2 points ago

Well professional football players are also a large portion of muscle, they aren't genuinely fat, I thought we were talking about fatty fat fatties!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

idk think about it man, they walk around with an additional 200 pounds ALL THE TIME. there is some serious muscle hiding under that insulation.

[–]Unhappycamper96 0 points1 point ago

It's like free training weights.

[–]Quepstar 1 point2 points ago

Wrong. I'm 200lb and can quite happliy run for 25-30 minutes. Granted only at 8km/h at the moment, but I've only just started running.

[–]IRRELEVANT_NAMI 0 points1 point ago

Ah, well congratulation on trying to get back in shape!

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