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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]shadowbannedlol 1962 points1963 points ago

And here comes the Reddit synchronized masturbation team

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]feedmecheesedoodles 280 points281 points ago

i hope that's not what my face looks like right now

[–]gloolmly 277 points278 points ago

Never saw the movie, is he really supposed to be jacking off in that scene? Love situations where you are able to use masturbation as a form of proud defiance. Like when your younger sister has friends over to work on a grade 12 social studies project and her computer crashes and she needs to use your computer and you just finished downloading Bible Black and are watching the scene where the women are given the sex drugs by the cult and are begging minase and the dickgirl nurse to fuck them and it's so amazing you can't believe how good you feel when "bang bang bang! I need to use your computer" "Go away" "I don't care if you're jacking off right now I need to use it" "god dammit.....well I'm not leaving my room" and you leave the movie running which really freaks out her friends and you're not even hiding your erection through your sweats, and your sister is mortified, how long are you going to be? Gahhhh" and you stomp around before saying "fuck it, I'll just pretend to watch porn" and you stand behind them looking of the gdp of asian countries and go "oooh fuck yeah, suck her dick, you're going to need to cum many times bitch my dick has black magic" unggghh and they turn around and scream and the most popular girl in school your sister was desperate to impress gets hit right in her blouse and neck, "I fucking hate you! I wish you were dead!" Then you look up the facebook of the cheerleader you just whacked off on and start a fucking marathon for the ages.

[–]Jllle 115 points116 points ago

Yeah, I love it when that happens!

[–]A_german_in_amerika 54 points55 points ago

Mroglolblo, your writing style is obvious. YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME.

[–]appropriate-username 7 points8 points ago

Might as well just go with "bozarking."

[–]bricardo 3 points4 points ago

Never saw the movie, is he really supposed to be jacking off in that scene?

No. He asks of the doctor "What do I have to do, man?[masturbation movements, strange faces]

[–]orangetubehead 10 points11 points ago

You're fapping and typing at the same time? Impressive.

[–]KarmaAddict 17 points18 points ago

lft hnaeded typn is hrad

[–]aTroll 16 points17 points ago

that's not all that's hrad.

[–]GeneralWarts 45 points46 points ago

[–]yoc4012 34 points35 points ago

Correctly looped, bravo! Or is this the work of someone else?

[–]messenger_boy 160 points161 points ago

pshhhh when does potato_in_my_anus ever submit OC?

[–]TheDicktator 88 points89 points ago

When he goes to the sperm bank.

[–]dudelsac 1655 points1656 points ago

From right to left:

Jenny-Lyn Anderson, 19

Sarah Bombell, 28

Eloise Amberger, 25

Olga Burtaev, 16

[–]spaeth455 471 points472 points ago

Fuck, first one I clicked on and I get asked to take a seat.

[–]lonewanderer812 114 points115 points ago

Right over there...

[–]AoE-Priest 136 points137 points ago

To be honest, they all look the same age. I don't know why anyone would think lusting after a 16 year old is creepy and wrong when most of them are physically indistinguishable from adults.

[–]Anus_Blender 30 points31 points ago

Ducks before the SRS brigade swoops in.

[–]FoxifiedNutjob 96 points97 points ago

As a natural hot-blooded male, I would never apologize for being aroused by a female who is mature enough to give birth.

Sexual age is moral measurement created by sexually oppressed religious nuts and fathers of daughters

[–]slownlow 24 points25 points ago

Sits down next to you perverts. Fuck

[–]factoid_ 242 points243 points ago

Fuck you man... I busted up laughing in the middle of my office when I clicked on Olga.

[–]areon88 686 points687 points ago

I read the second one as Sarah Bombshell haha

[–]midnight333233 81 points82 points ago

wait you read names while fapping?

[–]applegrumble 34 points35 points ago

I read the third one Eloise Hamburger.

[–]ymahaguy3388 16 points17 points ago

der berger

[–]solidearth 295 points296 points ago

Olga Burtaev

FTFY

[–]chrisrob89 231 points232 points ago

10/10 would do prisontime again.

[–]joooonyer 116 points117 points ago

Worth it...

[–]Arkanicus 3 points4 points ago

Dem teef bites lip

[–]coolpixer 14 points15 points ago

Dat ass.... 17 too.....

This is her right?

[–]billy822 66 points67 points ago

Something told me not to click on Olga

[–]esantipapa 614 points615 points ago

16 is a legal age of consent in many states and many countries, including England.

Simple Map: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ef/Age_of_Consent.png

Men: http://chartsbin.com/view/03a

Women: http://chartsbin.com/view/hxj

FYI everyone, SRS has arrived - http://www.reddit.com/r/ShitRedditSays/comments/xgi96/16_is_a_legal_age_of_consent_in_many_states_and/

Update I've been banned from posting comments in SRS. *Broke their rules. Circlejerk commentary only. *

[–]DownvoteAttractor 407 points408 points ago

And Australia.

[–]FreeTopher 170 points171 points ago

So make with the pictures!

[–]IT_Derp 131 points132 points ago

but not for porn, that is still 18

[–]Kaell311 115 points116 points ago

So you can fuck them but not see them? Do you have to have sex with clothes on or eyes closed?

[–]Dardove 215 points216 points ago

Seeing them nude in person is fine. Images from soul stealing devices like cameras are not fine.

[–]TexasWithADollarsign 78 points79 points ago

My penis is a soul-stealing device. Is that still cool?

[–]joablob 4 points5 points ago

TIL that having sex while using visual perception is porn.

[–]Asyx 6 points7 points ago

It's about making the pornography. That law is in place because a 16 years old girl might probably not be mature enough to get the impact on their later life right. Your future boss might see the video, your family might see the video, you could feel ashamed later in life and can't get rid of it and so on.

I doubt that all 18 years old can do this but you came forbid such things to an adult (and in most countries you're an adult with 18).

[–]TheDroopy 4 points5 points ago

None of the other pictures are pornographic

[–]TwistEnding 67 points68 points ago

Haha! I'm 17 bitches! I don't need assurance to make me feel uncreepy!

[–]Blackface420 39 points40 points ago

You will in a few years. I promise.

[–]funfungiguy 14 points15 points ago

I like how anytime we are discussing a hot chick under the age of 18, there's always someone on Reddit that's an expert on the age of consensual sex in any given region saying it's okay for my 34 year old ass to think about the plausibility of legally screwing a 16 year old.

[–]J_Jammer 10 points11 points ago

And yet it doesn't make it any less creepy if a 25 or older person leers.

The fact age if consent has to be mentioned makes it worse.

You can admire their beauty without being lewd.

[–]d47 20 points21 points ago

You still can't post nude pics of people under 18 though. Not that the picture would necessarily been a nude, but that's the joke anyway.

[–]slupo 13 points14 points ago

damnit chris!

[–]Oncewasfree 22 points23 points ago

[–]wacrover 56 points57 points ago

The fact that someone born in 1995 is now 17 years old makes me feel really old.

[–]NYPunk88 32 points33 points ago

[–]Blackface420 56 points57 points ago

1995... Holy shit. I don't fuck with any chicks born after Biggie got shot.

[–]Bobby_B 95 points96 points ago

Biggie got shot in 1997.

[–]arkanemusic 38 points39 points ago

Olga is pretty cute.

[–]mgeringer 34 points35 points ago

Upvote for the excellent fourth link. Well played.

[–]BerryGuns 94 points95 points ago

lol what's wrong with 16..?

[–]DoctorWedgeworth 387 points388 points ago

Did you need hear? American law was voted to be identical to morality.

[–]Dinokknd 128 points129 points ago

Excellent, time to get my assault rifle with armor piercing ammunition so i can defend my home.

[–]aarons345 6 points7 points ago

Busted...

[–]hidden_munky 52 points53 points ago

hey 16 is legal for me!! show me the titties!

[–]00fourseven 268 points269 points ago

[–]RunningMoto 460 points461 points ago

So am I

[–]sheepbringer 639 points640 points ago

Just give them the medal.

[–]Shitty_Watercolour 688 points689 points ago

[–]constipated_HELP 53 points54 points ago

[comment about how these watercolors aren't shitty anymore]

[–]vORP 66 points67 points ago

So hot already, and they haven't even started speaking yet

[–]gremwood 12 points13 points ago

I will pathetically melt in my seat. Dat accent.

[–]Bloqhead 254 points255 points ago

Can i give them the wood instead?

[–]Bloodhoundr 134 points135 points ago

Sorry, they only take gold members

[–]vORP 101 points102 points ago

[–]Dildo_Ball_Baggins 35 points36 points ago

As an Australian, I can tell you that they might accept the wood. As long as you are ridiculously good-looking. And have a massive schlong.

EDIT: Clearly I'm still learning to spell.

[–]WhyAmINotStudying 13 points14 points ago

My wood is so engaged that I fear it may splinter.

[–]autodidact89 29 points30 points ago

They say athletes tend to be good looking because they're in shape, which is true to an extent, but when you compare their faces to faces of skinny non-athletes...???

[–]Misha_Vozduh 257 points258 points ago

Relevant. It's an article about sex in Olympic village.

Edit: 1) A shorter related article was on the front page yesterday (didn't save it so had to google this one). 2) While I believe some of the things mentioned there are true, I suggest taking it with a grain of salt. This is print media, they tend to get a bit too keen on overhyping.

[–]Bring_dem 244 points245 points ago

So you're telling me that if you take a group of the most athletic people in the world, at their absolute physical prime.... and put them all in the same housing complexes.... they will have sex with one another?

Astounding!

[–]robbyk123 74 points75 points ago

Their babies will have superpowers

[–]wooden_spoon 23 points24 points ago

I should have been an olympian.

[–]Dildo_Ball_Baggins 27 points28 points ago

Lots of medals were won that night.

[–]cptncrnch 3 points4 points ago

Pearl medals.

[–]centurijon 6 points7 points ago

Don't forget that emotions are running high and there's a lot of stress that needs to be "worked out".

[–]justonecomment 80 points81 points ago

That article is like the best porno ever made.

[–]theyellowmouse 25 points26 points ago

And everyone's good looking too!

[–]need_cake 19 points20 points ago

"Then, at the 2000 Sydney Games, 70,000 condoms wasn't enough, prompting a second order of 20,000 and a new standing order of 100,000 condoms per Olympics."

[–]Nigel_Vertigo 36 points37 points ago

My god, that sounds incredible. Lucky bastards.

[–]BKXBKXB 12 points13 points ago

"Even if their face is a 7, their body is a 20."

[–]red321red321 30 points31 points ago

olympic sportfucking

[–]DigoxinToxin 5 points6 points ago

That was interesting. Long article but it makes sense that they let loose after.

TL;DR The Olympic village is basically hook-up central. After the athletes finish their events the parties get wilder and they have a ton of sex.

[–]EnglishMunichFan 7 points8 points ago

This has given me the inspiration to train....

[–]keagmcG 596 points597 points ago

Aussies are good looking people.

[–]Supersnazz 1930 points1931 points ago

Not always true. I'm Australian and I'm fucking ugly as shit.

[–]beergoggles69 162 points163 points ago

Oh hey it's Ugly Keith. For those who don't know, this guy is kind of a celebrity here for being the only ugly person in Australia.

[–]marmalade 86 points87 points ago

Yeah, mate, that poor drongo Keithy. Bloke's got a face like a bucket of smashed crabs. His mum had to tie a chop on a piece of string around his neck so the dog would play with him.

[–]keepinithamsta 480 points481 points ago

Some people have a shit fetish.

[–]YourShit 423 points424 points ago

Yes they do.

[–]Painter22 88 points89 points ago

... So I know where this is going, but for everyone's well being lets not post the video.

[–]DirectCharge 39 points40 points ago

There's a video? Oh, come on man, you can't leave me out like this!

[–]Dildo_Ball_Baggins 12 points13 points ago

For the sake of your sanity and faith in the world, it's best that he does.

[–]szchm 188 points189 points ago

That's weird. I'm Australian, and I'm ridiculously attractive.

[–]J0bey 151 points152 points ago

I wouldn't advertise that, with all the rapists around here.

[–]Humble_Link_Guy 143 points144 points ago

[–]hinduguru 15 points16 points ago

Somebody on the rape thread said us men should say something when another man is being creepy. For what it's worth, if I notice any creepiness on here, I'll deploy this gif.

[–]Chrispy_Reddit 12 points13 points ago

Prove it!

[–]catsandmoney 18 points19 points ago

Upvote for shattering the illusion, man. You're going to go far.

[–]yahrdme 18 points19 points ago

shattering

[–]TheJokerWasRight 107 points108 points ago

Most Olympic-level athletes tend to keep it tight.

[–]dioxholster 48 points49 points ago

down there?

[–]Skinny128 140 points141 points ago

Yes, even in Australia.

[–]TheyCallMeStone 4 points5 points ago

Ohohohoho

[–]FindThePeanut 50 points51 points ago

No, we only take photos of the good looking ones.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]communist_maltipoo 62 points63 points ago

She looks like a snickerdoodle.

[–]jmc_automatic 86 points87 points ago

I'd snick her doodle.

[–]Yossome 73 points74 points ago

I'd fuck her.

[–]Dildo_Ball_Baggins 14 points15 points ago

I'd clip her poodle if it required clipping.

[–]drewuke 124 points125 points ago

Spongebob would be best friends with her, get it...Sandy..I'll show my self out.

[–]DeLoreanMotorCars 34 points35 points ago

I can't wait until my son is old enough to watch sponge bob with me. (He's only 9 weeks)

[–]Shark7996 7 points8 points ago

That amount of sand...just looks SO freaking uncomfortable.

[–]50_mike_mike 90 points91 points ago

It's refreshing to see girls without orange tans.

[–]MetalMagnum 148 points149 points ago

As a woman, I'd buy a bathing suit like that.

[–]Sarah_Connor 97 points98 points ago

Its a BCBG suit, it also comes in tan/beige and was recently on sale for $99

[–]jersully 137 points138 points ago

I feel like a National Geographic guy in his blind, watching these ladies in their natural environment.

[–]Blondo14 10 points11 points ago

thank you, I came in here looking for someone to lead me in the right direction to find this suit lol

[–]KlaymenKlaymen 16 points17 points ago

Here's something somewhat cheaper that I got for my girlfriend. She likes it a lot!

[–]bweekins 20 points21 points ago

Imagine the tanlines!

[–]jizzed_in_my_pants 13 points14 points ago

From left to right:

  1. Olia BURTAEV (Born 18/06/1995, 1,70mts, 54kgs) @oliaburtaev
  2. Eloise AMBERGER (Born 28/01/1987, 1.65mts, 57kgs) @eloiseamberger
  3. Sarah BOMBELL (Born 12/04/1983, 1.67 mts, 60kgs) No twitter
  4. Jenny-Lyn ANDERSON (Born 13/08/1992, 1.62mts, 46kgs) No twitter

Everything is publicly available information.

[–]beergoggles69 47 points48 points ago

The one on the left was born in 1995.

Truth bomb.

[–]Red1123 29 points30 points ago

Perfectly perfectly legal

[–]Sandbox_Assassin 383 points384 points ago

Their land down under.

[–]wizard5ive 554 points555 points ago

I tried to click the arrows

[–]Sandbox_Assassin 115 points116 points ago

You won't be the only one, I'm sure.

[–]nvendr 68 points69 points ago

I feel stupid now

[–]audio_phile0921 39 points40 points ago

Me too buddy....me too

[–]Phistagon 7 points8 points ago

cant tell if his head is moving or i am crazy

[–]NecessaryBacon 28 points29 points ago

I clicked something else... Was also disappointed.

[–]ellipses1 64 points65 points ago

I sniffed my monitor

[–]ThenDinosaurs 256 points257 points ago

[–]DamnManImGovernor 25 points26 points ago

How much of that watermelon did he actually even eat? Seems he splattered most of the 'water' part of the melon on the table.

[–]stumac85 16 points17 points ago

I was wondering when that gif was going to make an appearance here

[–]DoTheDew 20 points21 points ago

Ok, who can identify them?

[–]droctopu5 12 points13 points ago

Cameltoes retain a lot of water for long journeys.

[–]battlejack 171 points172 points ago

As an Australian, i can say that this is a fairly standard sight at many beaches nationwide.

[–]xMrBlonde 844 points845 points ago

[–]Shadzta 99 points100 points ago

Good luck with customs!

"Sir, your reason for travel?"

"Babes"

"Welcome to Australia. Have a beer"

[–]Delimast3r 123 points124 points ago

Best played .gif I've seen in a long time

[–]D_for_David 36 points37 points ago

First time seeing this one, I laughed so hard I shot myself. Good thing I was sitting on the toilet.

[–]Sylamatek 56 points57 points ago

Just try to bleed into the bowl dude. I just finished cleaning up the last one

[–]CraineTwo 4 points5 points ago

"HAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAA... HAHAHAAAAAAA... HAAAAAAA" BANG!

...

*flush *

[–]robcap 65 points66 points ago

Please, someone call bullshit before I move there.

[–]AMV 37 points38 points ago

For the most part, we ain't kidding. Just choose QLD, WA or NSW for the beaches and girls.

[–]tatsumakisempukyaku 20 points21 points ago

WA confirmed from this local

[–]antwilliams89 17 points18 points ago

As an Australian, I can confirm that there is no bullshit to be called here.

That is, indeed, fairly standard for Australian beaches.

[–]midas22 17 points18 points ago

[–]foltan 164 points165 points ago

SHOCK REVELATION: Professional athletes found to have fit bodies

[–]girl_with_huge_boobs 130 points131 points ago

but their faces are nice too. fit body != hot.

[–]tatsumakisempukyaku 41 points42 points ago

A Fit body brings them to luke warm at a minimum

[–]Wrym 97 points98 points ago

In synchronized swimming it's most important that they all mesh.

[–]UsernameWasntTaken 23 points24 points ago

Your theory is full of holes.

[–]Wrym 11 points12 points ago

It is, isknit?

[–]FagMuffin 7 points8 points ago

Jesus fucking christ.

[–]Thoraxe 356 points357 points ago

I would like to visit their land down under.

[–]Nosher 134 points135 points ago

Don't worry. As soon as they get their nose plugs on they'll look as weird as all the other sync swimmers.

[–]hinduguru 173 points174 points ago

How can you deny this beauty?

[–]bewbspl0x 138 points139 points ago

That's how I felt when I took a dump on acid

[–]kiriyama_27 43 points44 points ago

you gotta watch the splashback, acid burns

[–]Anal_Explorer 13 points14 points ago

[–]Chunga_the_Great 24 points25 points ago

But spiders

[–]GeneralWarts 206 points207 points ago

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]DonkeyPee 17 points18 points ago

Looks more like him getting a potato in his poophole

[–]Nbord 256 points257 points ago

All aboard the hot-girls-in-the-Olympics karma train!

Choo chooo

[–]sometimesijustdont 16 points17 points ago

I wish I could be in the Olympic village. :(

[–]Tappy_days 34 points35 points ago

On board and pulling the chain, weeeee

[–]PlasticKiwi 17 points18 points ago

[–]Richeh 31 points32 points ago

I'd like to introduce them to my synchronized swimming team.

[–]libertariantexan 4 points5 points ago

You mean sperm, don't you?

[–]TheGooglePlex 27 points28 points ago

They can swim in my pool any time.

[–]spuddlz 29 points30 points ago

And i don't own a pool ;)

[–]makanguru 123 points124 points ago

I would synchronise the fuck out of them ...

[–]tineyeit 118 points119 points ago

I'd end up with a Gold medal in synchronized disappointing.

[–]DinaDinaDinaBatman 43 points44 points ago

i'd get disqualified for starting then finishing early

[–]dropkickninja 182 points183 points ago

I would fuck the synchronization out of them!

[–]TDV 90 points91 points ago

I would fuck them out of synchronization!

[–]mach_kernel 42 points43 points ago

I would prematurely synchronize :(

[–]reddit_poster_anon 10 points11 points ago

In classic reddit fashion, when is someone going to storm in here asking if we still think they are attractive after some bizarre health defect is exposed that only swimmers experience? I'm thinking of the ballet thread where we were shown picture after picture of ballerina feet, twisted and mangled. So what is it that will shatter my attraction for beautiful swimmers? Webbed hands? Bone spurs jutting out of the upper thighs?

[–]Weltanschauung 9 points10 points ago

We reek like fuck of chlorine

[–]Mr-jewski 37 points38 points ago

Do you cum from a land down under? Where women swim and men plunder? Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder? That's just me beating my lumber!

[–]G-Creature 28 points29 points ago

And this is when I decided to start watching the olympics!

[–]Irrelevant_bible_use 22 points23 points ago

This is fantastic, all of these women have clearly been blessed. Let me lead them off with a quote from the Lord.

"You will eat the flesh of your sons and the flesh of your daughters." - Leviticus 26:29.

Bless you swimming team and may your hearts be blessed in the name of the Lord.

[–]bickering_fool 48 points49 points ago

[–]sloaninator 19 points20 points ago

Did you have to splooge all over the picture?

[–]p4nz3r 110 points111 points ago

surprisingly disappointing.

[–]polarbearGr 12 points13 points ago

I masturbated upside-down for the full effect.