The best thing to appear on my newsfeed.

xHassassin · 3 months

I'll take things that never happened for 400

awesomekristian · 3 months

Your friend is the Todd

cajamian · 3 months

Aaaaaand... porn movie.

deathismybitchlover · 3 months

If this is true.. I'm dying to know her reaction.

ShallowBasketcase · 3 months

Nothing has ever not happened more than this didn't happen.

5uare2 · 3 months

It's the presence of Jequan that completes this status.

Richeh · 3 months

Never happened.

BogieJunior · 3 months

I doubt she heard that one before, ha ha, so funny, she must have jumped over the counter and sucked his wang for all her worth just because of this hilariously original quip. (Maybe)

[deleted] · 3 months

I could hear the sound of a bass guitar as I read this.

bw1870 · 3 months

Why do people continue to think it matters if a joke actually happened?
1- Imagine the scene
2- Enjoy a chuckle (or don't)
3- Move on to whatever's next

No need getting upset about the veracity of a post in /r/funny.

cutecatbro · 3 months

Nothing has ever not happened as much as this.

Xenoo · 3 months

I imagined him keeping eye contact as he finished on the floor.

account_is_deleted · 3 months

Would be sorta funny, if this had actually happened to someone.

TunaTangler · 3 months

In NY there is no such thing. if I asked for a thick pizza I'd get a blank stare in return.

notmyrealname17 · 3 months

If i wanted to see stupid, not funny posts people made on facebook, I'd probably go on facebook. Get this shit off r/funny!

rutterkin · 3 months

Who orders pizza in person?

justkilc · 3 months

I see the drones of reddit voted this fake and phony related gibberish to the front page...

PhiladelphiaIrish · 3 months

Do people still order pizzas at the store?

Cynikal818 · 3 months

what ever that French term is for shit you think of after the fact...this is that.

Sorry...if this happened either a) drinkin was involved or b) you walked away with your pizza and then thought "OHH SHIT, I TOTALLY COULD HAVE MADE A PENIS JOKE!"...

...which still means A. had a play in this...fictional story.

colemanator · 3 months

If this doesn't get you laid I give up, I'll just hung up my testicles and become a cat person.

Z0bie · 3 months

So, you want one thick sausage?

Yes, and I also ordered a pizza, *wink*... Wait...

What actually happened.

dontrememberanything · 3 months

I don't remember ordering a pizza with sausage!

Cyruss · 3 months

Our eftpos cards have to be inserted into the bottom of an eftpos terminal and they usually have to be pushed in quite far. One time in a shop I put the card in but it didn't work. The very attractive lady cashier said:

"Push it in deeper."

AlexEmway · 3 months

We have a large salami for Tommy. Tommy Salami?

Eddyoshi · 3 months

How did she react is my question

Reoh · 3 months

Do you often ask to get served by a thick sausage?

alphawr · 3 months

Is there seriously a town called King of Prussia?

fackshat · 3 months

I really want this to be true.

Gaddy · 3 months

KoP shout out.

ExAmerican · 3 months

This would be even funnier if it had actually happened.

so_many_things · 3 months

one time i asked a girl what bocci ball was at an office party we took to the park.

she motions like holding up two apples, "Well you've got balls about this big..."

"I do, but i though we were talking about bocci?"

duggyrob · 3 months

This was on highdeas today..

lebski88 · 3 months

At my friends wedding his brother opened his best man speech with a video of my friend telling a story.

"I was at this fish and chips shop, and I asked for a sausage and chips. The lady behind the counter said 'do you want your sausage battered' so I said 'Do you want your fanny slapped love*?!'"

Widely inappropriate and whether or not he came up with the line, I don't doubt that he said it.

* The British meaning of fanny.

iamNebula · 3 months

''Lmao'' Why do people even bother commenting stuff like that. Just like the dam fucking status.

MikeTobacco · 3 months

Wow, what a great audience!

macgivor · 3 months

Anyone else notice his location? Seems awfully precise and arbitrary...

Fishblur · 3 months

That 's the best thing that appeared on your newsfeed? That 's actually pretty lame

ChronicallyHappy · 3 months

Lmao!

k4loyan · 3 months

Did the porno music come on moments later?

killingzone · 3 months

I'm also near king of prussia!

i-am-bronx · 3 months

dat username. long live king emile!

fani · 3 months

And then said "I wasn't talking about what you got last night"

JonesBee · 3 months

Bah, oldest joke in the book.

-Do you have 5 cents?

-No but I have 20 cents right here * grabs crotch *

Just a variation.

TheTalkingCamelAnus · 3 months

I love when the newsfeed is about food.

pokeatthedevil · 3 months

LMAO!

alfdog5755 · 3 months

did you fuck have the balls to say that. lies..lies..lies!!!

8doobies · 3 months

Who are you because this was on my newsfeed...

YSCapital · 3 months

A female delivering food? Pleaaaaaaaaaase.

josephkyle · 3 months

once i was at the cinema and an employee was trying to get a ketchup dispenser to work (the ones you pump) she was pumping away but it wasn't working. She looks my way somewhat embarrassed by the fact that she was really working this thing and nothing was happenning. I decided to say "maybe you should buy it dinner before it puts out..."

ItsJustMeAgainHarper · 3 months

Extra upvote for KOP.

batman0730 · 3 months

This is funny, but I've made a pact with myself to stop upvoting facebook posts. It used to be people posted reddit links on facebook, now it's the other way around. Poo.

itak365 · 3 months

ಠ_ಠ Will...

eatthemeek22 · 3 months

I ordered pizza a few weeks ago. Some high school chick takes my order which consisted of pepperoni, banana pepper and cajun crust. The silly, silly girl read the order back, "Now I have a large pepperoni, with banana pepper and a caucasian crust." Being too stunned to correct the poor child, I imagine she continues humiliate herself this way quite often. Luckily I did indeed receive a pizza with a CAJUN crust.

oyeboy · 3 months

This is so old...

Cannedbeans · 3 months

I was checking out at Target (Terget) on a particularly saucy day a few months ago, and I had brought my own bags to use. When you do, you get .20 cents off, but I forgot to tell him till the last second, and said it a bit snottily on accident. I immediately, apologized, and he said "Oh, you're fine." and in return I said, in my sexiest voice, "So are you." trying to be funny. I cleared my throat and left.

bucky392 · 3 months

ceberT xelA

brozarth · 3 months

"I swear to God I did!" -Donnie Baker

DaTScientisT · 3 months

I need to learn to be witty like this and keep a straight face. I can never do it :(

Kvothe_Atreides · 3 months

I read this back to myself to imagine actually doing it, and when I got to the last line I read "Yes, I also ordered a penis".

tomBARCIK · 3 months

its not even clever... its being a smart ass

SuperlativeInsanity · 3 months

"Am I missing something here? Because clearly you are."

over-the-counter crotch glance

sgtsalsa · 3 months

And now the best thing to appear on my front page.

chopsticktoddler · 3 months

Jequan can relate

Holy_Ponchos · 3 months

The picture showed up on his newsfeed, not the status update. This is one of the most reposted FB pictures I've ever seen.

[deleted] · 3 months

Repost.

Thorus · 3 months

Lmao!

OrlandoGardiner · 3 months

hahaaaa!

desenagrator · 3 months

Is "thick" a pizza size that I've been missing out on all these years?

Kicksocialliving · 3 months

Hahahahaah Really Funny ..:D

TheCobaltEffect · 3 months

Meh I make those kinds of quips all the time. Still if it's true it's pretty funny.

eristicrat · 3 months

There are like 3 layers of who gives a fuck here...1, not really funny. Thick sausage..you said it to a girl..like it's your dick you're talking about. Ha. 2. This didn't even happen to you...it was on your facebook feed which means you can't even verify that it happened and now you expect us to believe a Redditor's Facebook friend isn't a liar. 3. It didn't happen.

159753456 · 3 months

Do you guys also go to comedy shows and go "Fake! Didn't happen!". For fuck's sake it's r/funny not the history channel

JRLSprague · 3 months

Lmao!

RileyCoyote · 3 months

I've seen this one a few times, still makes me chuckle.

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