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WTF

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all 165 comments

[–]DerelictDiety 17 points18 points ago

Wanna buy a bird?

[–]faroutsunrise 21 points22 points ago

"Freedom would never knock. Freedom rings."

[–]dirtymoney 10 points11 points ago

[–]hollymo93 116 points117 points ago

If Barack Obama showed up at my door with a bald eagle, we would walk to the park while shooting the breeze and discussing our favorite Lost theories. He would be a strong proponent of the purgatory theory while I would just insist that the writers didn't know what they were doing. Then, we would go to the playground and push each other on the swings while his eagle got its fill on squirrels and chipmunks and whatnot. Then, we would walk back to my house where we would play Super Smash Bros on N64. I would play as Kirby and he would play as Captain Falcon because he has Obama's favorite taunt. I would let him win a few times, because come on, he's the president, before absolutely destroying him. Then, we would eat a box and Kraft mac and cheese and build a fort out of old blankets with chairs from my dining room table as supports. We would tell ghost stories until we fell asleep, him clutching his eagle as if it was some sort of teddy bear but the eagle doesn't mind because it's so well trained. And that's what would happen if Barack Obama showed up at my house with a bald eagle.

Tldr; I have insomnia and haven't slept in 3 days.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points ago

Then, we would eat a box and Kraft mac and cheese

I usually don't have room for Kraft dinner after I eat an entire box

[–]IcedJack 35 points36 points ago

You're never truly awake, and never truly asleep.

I know this because Obama knows this.

A couple of bareknuckle fights and a domestic terrorist plot later, and you realize, you are Barack Obama.

[–]nexusaspect 6 points7 points ago

Everything is a copy, of a copy, of a copy.

[–]pbj192 1 point2 points ago

So Obama IS trying to destroy the economy, haha

[–]somecallmemike 0 points1 point ago

The first rule of fight club is?

[–]atrociousxcracka 7 points8 points ago

I love you

[–]pavlovs_hotdog 1 point2 points ago

I also finished reading those wonderful musings with tears in my eyes...

[–]hollymo93 0 points1 point ago

Wanna go to the park and then play Super Smash Bros?

[–]atrociousxcracka 0 points1 point ago

Oooooo sounds like fun, brings me bak to the high school days

[–]will_holmes 4 points5 points ago

The catch is, this was written 3 days ago and hollymo93 vowed not to sleep until it became relevant.

[–]Labubs 1 point2 points ago

-Directed by Oliver Stone . . . . . . . . ....Wait....

[–]cold_toast 1 point2 points ago

To /r/nocontext you go!

[–]keroro117 1 point2 points ago

That sounds beautiful.

[–]sweetmelodyofdeath 1 point2 points ago

And then right before he left he'd reveal a package and in that package would be Half Life 3.

TLDR; Insomnia is a bitch.

[–]not_vulva 5 points6 points ago

WTF is this in r/WTF?

[–]TheContrarian2 35 points36 points ago

He didn't build that.

[–]ahoneybadger2145 5 points6 points ago

Does any one think he looks a bit like Gus Fring?

[–]Ipanman92 0 points1 point ago

Get back to work, Honeybadger.

[–]Chchcharliesheen 22 points23 points ago

Why is this in wtf lol

[–]eXXaXion 1 point2 points ago

Wtf wtf?

[–]h2odragon 1 point2 points ago

Anyone with their hand rammed up an eagle is pretty WTF. Cloaca are nasty. Also note the other hand throwing some sort of obscure gang sign, probably a shout out to other ceramic/furry subfettishists.

[–]mus7ard 2 points3 points ago

Because I whispered "What the fuck.." while smiling when I saw the image.

Seriously, why are there so many posts about stuff not belonging in /r/WTF

[–]booboorocks998 3 points4 points ago

Because they don't.

[–]sweetdick 6 points7 points ago

Hey look! He brought Stephen Colbert with him.

[–]thejoe 2 points3 points ago

Stephen Colbert is black?

[–]bagels666 15 points16 points ago

Man I wished this wasn't photoshopped.

[–]entreprenerds[S] 3 points4 points ago

I know, right!?

[–]Burnt_Toast2 6 points7 points ago

Why hello there new wallpaper

[–]pbj192 10 points11 points ago

Girls don't want a president with experience, they want one with swag

yolo2012

[–]SOwED 2 points3 points ago

/r/WTF, where failed /r/funny posts go.

[–]InexplicableTrumpet 2 points3 points ago

For me, the WTF part is that I quite like this picture.

Maybe my new desktop background.

[–]binary-love 5 points6 points ago

[–]bordemseeks 1 point2 points ago

COL. GEORGIOS PAPADOPOULOS Prime Minister/President/Dictator of Greece 1967-1973

So, your telling me the lovable Greek Grandfather fro Webster was in fact a dictator? That truly was a bad exile program

[–]binary-love 1 point2 points ago

George Papadopoulos is THE most common Greek name.

[–]GabyArcoiris 2 points3 points ago

crtl+F'd "Noriega". As a Panamanian, I was not disappointed

[–]binary-love 1 point2 points ago

I did the same for my country, Greece.

[–]xxx_blade_smokah_xxx -1 points0 points ago

Good, I wouldn't change a thing.

[–]skrilla420 3 points4 points ago

Actually the eagle is stuffed and has a microphone directly linked to the Department of Homeland Security. It's a "gift".

[–]downvote_obama 12 points13 points ago

I'm here to confiscate this bird, and all it stands for...oh, and while I'm at it, I might as well take your house too.

[–]Chemal 12 points13 points ago

A Liberal Muslim homosexual ACLU professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx.. "Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!" At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL Champion who had served 1500 tours of duty, and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decisions made by the United States, stood up and held a rock. "How old is this rock?" The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and replied, "4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian." "Wrong. It's been 6,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old, and evolution — as you say — is real, then it should be an animal now." The professor was visibly shaken, dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species, and stormed out of the room crying liberal crocodile tears. The students applauded and all registered Republican on that day. An Eagle named "Small Government" flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag, shedding a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and Jesus Christ showed up to enact a flat tax rate across the country. The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all of eternity.

Semper Fi

[–]yosemighty_sam 9 points10 points ago

WTF

[–]ksaj 5 points6 points ago

I like how you successfully turned a non-WTF post into a true WTF post.

[–]IMAROBOTLOL 3 points4 points ago

Its a copy pasta, but a great one nonetheless.

[–]RedditsKittyKat 2 points3 points ago

WAT

[–]chevalier_d_eon 4 points5 points ago

"I bet you never thought of smuggling your drugs in an eagle"

[–]alephtelos 8 points9 points ago

I'd smuggle heroin in a porcupine. Don't even need to bring syringes.

[–]kashlen 6 points7 points ago

Obama is now confiscating all of our bald eagles as well as half our paychecks.

[–]Honey_Baked 24 points25 points ago

Obama does not equal freedom.

[–]mossling 3 points4 points ago

but an eagle does?

[–]Wataru624 11 points12 points ago

[–]PatrickPlan8 22 points23 points ago

from the son of a biracial couple and african immigrant in a culture that only 50 years ago couldn't even vote without getting shot or lynched and only 200 years ago were forced slaves ... yeah ... he can equal freedom to a lot of people. A Black President with a muslim middle name who worked his butt off to go to college from a single parent home to eventually graduate from Hardvard law where he was a teacher as well that still supports the need for the working class and poor he came from ... yeah. I see freedom. I see the american dream. I see the hopes of upward mobility.

[–]Dojobra 7 points8 points ago

He also smoked weed

[–]Vroth 1 point2 points ago

And now he's the President, problem?

[–]yosemighty_sam 6 points7 points ago

He won't let anyone else smoke it.

[–]mayonesa 6 points7 points ago

he can equal freedom to a lot of people

So can:

  • A lack of law enforcement
  • Murder of the wealthy
  • Legalized rape

"Freedom" is a very, very, very vague term if we define it by what it means to "some people." Which people? When? Where? And what does it have to do with the objective definition of freedom?

[–]Hawkeye1226 5 points6 points ago

i like you

[–]yosemighty_sam 9 points10 points ago

I see civilians killed by drone strikes, trial-less executions, non-violent drug offenders in jail, whistle blowers in military prison, unwarranted surveillance, bailouts for the rich charged to the poor, and insurance mandates...

Shall I go on?

[–]Twelvey -2 points-1 points ago

drone strikes, trial-less executions

Drone attacks on those who plan to kill Americans and it's allies.

non-violent drug offenders in jail

Enforcing pre-existing drug laws. Call your local lawmaker...

whistle blowers in military prison

Protecting state secrets and confidential information necessary to the safety of our personnel abroad.

bailouts for the rich charged to the poor

The major bailout was done by Bush. President Obama's were largely loans that are being paid back.

insurance mandates...

That will be subsidized for middle and lower incomes.

[–]yosemighty_sam 0 points1 point ago

Drone attacks on those who plan to kill Americans and it's allies.

Civilian casualties, which encourage more people to make plans against us.

pre-existing drug laws

He said he'd leave legal medical marijuana alone, instead he's overseen more raids than anyone else.

Protecting state secrets and confidential information necessary to the safety of our personnel abroad.

Bradley Manning didn't reveal state secrets that jeopardized our safety, he revealed war crimes committed by our armed forces.

The major bailout was done by Bush.

Unless you count $16 trillion since 2008.

That will be subsidized for middle and lower incomes.

Subsidies paid for by middle and lower income taxpayers.

[–]Hubbell 2 points3 points ago

No Manning did not. Manning dumped every cable he could get his hands on without giving a fuck what the contents were. An actual whistleblower releases specific documents that they know the contents of.

[–]yosemighty_sam -1 points0 points ago

Ok, so we can forget about the attack helicopter unloading rounds into unarmed journalists? What else should we ignore?

[–]Hubbell 3 points4 points ago

Oh wow, 1 thing that he knew for sure. How bout the 200k+ documents he also dumped without knowing what the fuck was in them?

[–]yosemighty_sam 0 points1 point ago

The more transparency, the better. They've already determined nothing he leaked put anyone in danger. And if I recall correctly (though my opinion doesn't hinge on this fact) he gave them to wikileaks, who make it a point to sift through data for anything dangerous before releasing it publicly. Meanwhile Obama would gladly throw Julian Assange into a cell right next to Manning, if he could get his hands on him.

The point remains: Obama's actions do not reflect the American Freedom we've been sold since kindergarten.

[–]mszmp -1 points0 points ago

Bullshit. He knew exactly what every document he was releasing was: an insight into the operations and 'diplomatic' conspiracies of a violent, predatory imperialist power responsible for the deaths of more than a million people in just the last decade.

[–]mszmp 0 points1 point ago

Drone attacks on those who plan to kill Americans and it's allies.

Patently false, as the massive civilian death toll in Pakistan, Yemen and elsewhere demonstrates. But that's all moot, according to US war apologists: Obama has officially declared anyone murdered by the United States abroad- children, those who show up to the scene of US drone strikes to aid the wounded, even US citizens - terrorists and militants who "plan to kill Americans and it's allies" by definition.

Enforcing pre-existing drug laws. Call your local lawmaker...

... which the executive can exercise wide discretion in enforcing, particularly when it comes to contested terrain like state medical marijuana laws.

Protecting state secrets and confidential information necessary to the safety of our personnel abroad.

Or hiding information from the American and international public that would undermine the image of the US' criminal and predatory wars abroad. A noble endeavor indeed.

The major bailout was done by Bush. President Obama's were largely loans that are being paid back.

The 'major bailout' (Bush's TARP) was actually the minor bailout. The total real US financial commitment to the banks (via cash subsidies, near interest free loans, etc.), conducted largely without even the fig leaf of Congressional oversight, reaches well into the trillions of dollars.

That will be subsidized for middle and lower incomes.

Billions in taxpayer dollars heading straight out of federal coffers and into the profits of the multi-billion-dollar insurance conglomerates, all to provide an on-paper guarantee of 'insurance' that has little or even no relation to actual healthcare. What's not to love?

[–]666SATANLANE 1 point2 points ago

So well put. Thank you.

[–]Honey_Baked -1 points0 points ago

...and I see a sheep.

[–]Oucapp 0 points1 point ago

The American dream is dead. Go work for a corporation. Try and do it in your own, become a proprietor, see what happens.

[–]GazzyG 1 point2 points ago

Ca-caw!!! Ca-caw!!! Tookie-tookie!!!

eats face

[–]SmallVictories41 1 point2 points ago

he looks like gustavo from breaking bad in this picture

[–]Halefor 1 point2 points ago

Yeah.. that eagle would be rather uncomfortable and since it is unhooded it would most likely start flailing around with very sharp talons, snapping at it's holder with beak, and attempting to open very broad and strong wings. Unless it had been held like that since being hatched in an incubator.

[–]dirtymoney 1 point2 points ago

to tell you the truth... Instead of obamma standing there...I was expecting a pack of swat team members ... all in military-type attire/equipment, pointing guns & screaming at the house's occupant.

[–]TheCochino 1 point2 points ago

It would be stupid if his campaign DIDN'T use this picture.

[–]LeSpatula 1 point2 points ago

Freedom who?

[–]Hateful_Poster 1 point2 points ago

If I remember correctly Mitt Romney also has a bald eagle named "Flat Tax" that can weep for america on command.

[–]whiteteddy 1 point2 points ago

iraq war - unconstitutional. go to hell - where did that come from? are roads unconstitutional? taxes? compulsory schooling? you got a problem with governance?

[–]Kollontai 7 points8 points ago

Win Nobel peace prize, lets bomb some countries.

[–]XxMAX33xX 4 points5 points ago

[–]NoUseForPants 3 points4 points ago

Hahaha the older white man was like "I don't know what he did but the colored fellow clappe sink should too!!!"

[–]thejoe 0 points1 point ago

I keep seeing this gif and I seriously have no idea what's going on. Why are the people so happy to see him stroke himself?

AMA request the black guy in the background

[–]XxMAX33xX -5 points-4 points ago

Because Black Power

[–]joshualander 0 points1 point ago

It's a dance step. I doubt that any of the millions of white kids who have done the same are involved in the black power movement.

Next!

[–]XxMAX33xX 0 points1 point ago

That was a joke, apparently you didn't get it.

[–]joshualander 1 point2 points ago

-4 points

Apparently, I'm not the only one.

[–]XxMAX33xX -1 points0 points ago

-1

Fuck you

[–]pbj192 -1 points0 points ago

'cause you've gotta get. that. dirt of your shoulder

yo homie hov' in position, in the kitchen with soda, I just whipped up a watch, tryna get me a rover

[–]serosis 4 points5 points ago

Now this would be the kind of awesome patriotism I can get behind.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Opposite of freedom

[–]torlandomtl 0 points1 point ago

Oh the eagle, they're a rare species in the US. Here in Canada on the west coast, we have them like bloody seagulls, they're everywhere.

[–]thefloyd 5 points6 points ago

They're actually not all that rare. They haven't even been endangered for like forever and they haven't even been "threatened" for like 5. I live in Ohio and I've seen plenty here and in Michigan, and I don't even do outdoorsy stuff a lot.

[–]djplumking 0 points1 point ago

One got hit by a bus in Seattle last year. Feathers everywhere...

[–]mossling 1 point2 points ago

they're everywhere in alaska. i couldn't let my small dog outside without supervision because we had a nesting pair in the tree outside our fence that kept eyeing him like he was a snack.

[–]cykovisuals 2 points3 points ago

Yeah, that bird is really free within his clutches. ಠ_ಠ

[–]TheDirtyPowerRanger 0 points1 point ago

Yep. That was a good knock knock joke

[–]ContemptSlot 0 points1 point ago

Immediately thought of this: http://youtu.be/7-kF423H45Q?t=43s

[–]dividebyzero2112 0 points1 point ago

He reminds me of Gustavo from Breaking Bad.

Am I the only one?

[–]iC3xM4n 0 points1 point ago

Was that my left bicep?

[–]jbingles 0 points1 point ago

Whenever I see him now I just think of Gustavo from Breaking Bad.

[–]OoohMamaJohnnyBravo 0 points1 point ago

YOUR BIRD IS NOW DIAMONDS.

[–]HiaItsPeter 0 points1 point ago

Or a black guy holding a bird.

[–]ksaj 0 points1 point ago

HA HA HA that eagle is bald

[–]bhuddamonk 0 points1 point ago

thats almost as asinine as Mao holding a copy of the US constitution at the door. Pure bullshit. Use your photoshopping skills for something plausible...

[–]jworkman87 0 points1 point ago

The people he is visiting must have paid their buck o' five. Just saying . . .

[–]quizzical131 0 points1 point ago

'MERICA

[–]RobbyFowl123 0 points1 point ago

FIX: knock knock who's there? Marxism.

[–]dahellyousay 0 points1 point ago

looks totally real

[–]ucecatcher 0 points1 point ago

I'm pretty sure he has his thumb in that bird's cloaca. It's a metaphor.

[–]ExplodingUnicorns -3 points-2 points ago

You're doing it wrong: Obama is in the picture.

[–]iLickMyDogsNuts 4 points5 points ago

ron paul 12

[–]dirtymoney 0 points1 point ago

[–]bahamamamalama 0 points1 point ago

No, the freedom comes Jan 20.

[–]Hawkeye1226 0 points1 point ago

how?

[–]jts69910 -1 points0 points ago

Knock Knock. Who's there? ASSHOLE and an eagle

[–]ISmellADerp 0 points1 point ago

Lol. Far from freedom.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

A mass murderer holding a predator.

[–]Goblicon -1 points0 points ago

I didn't even hate Clinton as much as this peice of offal.

[–]RyuSythe -4 points-3 points ago

I see not how this is WTF worthy. Look awesome to me.

[–]BONEQUEETAH -1 points0 points ago

Not cool man. Not cool.

[–]binkydooda -1 points0 points ago

its all a game its trying to depict freedom but really were not free from all the bullshit obama has done to our so called free country but ehh it could be worse

[–]TheToiletDuck -1 points0 points ago

I believe this is from American Dog News.

[–]Funklab2069 0 points1 point ago

true american dog

[–]TheToiletDuck -1 points0 points ago

Oh god yes. You're right. My mistake.

[–]Darikiel -1 points0 points ago

Freedom isn't free. He cost folks like you and me. I wonder how much he costs cause he is one cool bird!

[–]Flyinportopotty -1 points0 points ago

no

[–]thatusernameisal -1 points0 points ago

So what will it be gitmo or drone strike?

[–]neopatra -5 points-4 points ago

Knock knock. Who's there? Drone bomb.

[–]BarelyLethal 1 point2 points ago

Should terrorists open their door to anything else?

[–]shoracer -2 points-1 points ago

and this guys let us run a hospital of horrors in Afghanistan. Still better than the Mitt dude. Sad

[–]jmbradley90 -4 points-3 points ago

Lol freedom. If you stop working the job that you don't like you would die of starvation. You submit to employment to live. Still feel free?

[–]ksaj 2 points3 points ago

Freedom means a free lunch?

[–]Hawkeye1226 1 point2 points ago

i think hes implaying that if we were truly free we could live by growing/ hunting our own food for the most part

[–]ksaj 1 point2 points ago

Only if you like growing/hunting, otherwise you'd die of starvation.

[–]Hawkeye1226 0 points1 point ago

yep. but his point i think is that you should be able too if you wanted

[–]ksaj 2 points3 points ago

But you can. Am I missing something?

[–]Hawkeye1226 2 points3 points ago

im not saying that the guy trying to convey this message was smart

[–]jmbradley90 0 points1 point ago

How do you plan on paying the taxes on the land you own? You know, the money you have to pay somebody else for living on Earth.

[–]ksaj 0 points1 point ago

Oh so we're back to the idea that things should just be given to you for free?

Also... to answer your question.

[–]jmbradley90 0 points1 point ago

If you have been convinced that it is okay for somebody to charge you for Earth's resources, that is a lie. We were all given this planet as our home, it isn't a business. Money isn't real, it's a game that was made up. Also, that link didn't answer how you would pay taxes.

[–]ksaj 0 points1 point ago

You don't. That's why their doing their home building up in the mountains.

[–]jmbradley90 0 points1 point ago

Not in the slightest

[–]Hawkeye1226 0 points1 point ago

then explain your position to me

[–]Hawkeye1226 1 point2 points ago

i will make a point to watch this when i have time later today and come back with my findings. thanks. some people refuse to explain their position, and just keep yelling their opinions loudly, never getting changing anyones minds

[–]jmbradley90 0 points1 point ago

Get around to watching it yet?

[–]Hawkeye1226 0 points1 point ago

i dont think im going to have that much free time today. can you give me a quick rundown? because i honestly want to know what you opinion was

[–]jmbradley90 0 points1 point ago

It's hard to squeeze it into a few sentences. Also, the video puts it into much better words than I can. It is well worth watching, just put it in your queue of things to watch.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points ago

By freedom you mean unconstitutional forced healthcare, amirite?

[–]whiteteddy 0 points1 point ago

yeah. get over it.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points ago

War in Iraq

Yeah. Get over it.

You're going to hell

Yeah. Get over it.