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top 200 commentsshow all 207

[–]Lawd_of_Spoons 184 points185 points ago

Wow. Someday, when I'm a father, and am raising my children, I want to send them towards an angry Rottweiler with its testicles trapped in a mousetrap, and it will be my proudest achievement ever.

[–]timetowastetime 71 points72 points ago

While filming it, so you can post it on reddit for the karma.

[–]Boobs101 107 points108 points ago

"Watch My Son Get Mauled; Upvotes To The Left"

[–]Rfk55 26 points27 points ago

Better idea: "I just found this video of a kid being mauled by a rottweiler, help me find out who did it."

Just make sure you censor anything that can actually help identify you, and leave some false leads, like bar codes or newspapers from another country.

[–]Whiskey_Fred 19 points20 points ago

Next week on FOX.

[–]TeBags 25 points26 points ago

[–]Person_On_The_Web 3 points4 points ago

Aw darn I got honey all over my legs.

[–]prayerheals 5 points6 points ago

"You insensitive bastard! Asking for upvotes in the title!"

[–]SnotRocket2 4 points5 points ago

While hitting the rottweiler with a tire iron?

[–]Ceejae 10 points11 points ago

Ok, just so we're clear though, people are upvoting this because they think it's just a funny story right? Not because they actually believe it ever happened?

[–]Jackstick 8 points9 points ago

I'm upvoting it because I genuinely want testicularly-damaged dogs to attack toddlers.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Shh, SRS will hear. This is meant to be the secret of upvoters.

[–]ThatDudeWithoutKarma -1 points0 points ago

That was why I gave my upvote.

[–]RazZaHlol 32 points33 points ago

When i grow up, im going to have my first kid read the Harry Potter series and convince him that he is a wizard too, and he'll receive his hogwarts letter when he turns eleven. Sure enough, on his eleventh birthday he will check the mail to find the letter (written by me, obviously) and in the fall, I will take him to King's Cross, point him towards platforms nine and ten, and not say a word as he collides into the pillar.

[–]droxpopuli 60 points61 points ago

I love your originality.

[–]cuddlep00p 16 points17 points ago

Mmmm... sarcasm

[–]MisterOnd 3 points4 points ago

mmmm.....beer

[–]GraffyHooves 0 points1 point ago

Mmmmmm......redundancy.

[–]GarethMagis 2 points3 points ago

Mmmmmm......redundancy.

[–]RayC_CommonTater 3 points4 points ago

Mmmmmm ... donut

[–]khinch 12 points13 points ago

You'll need to tidy up the mess from the last guy's attempt first: http://imgur.com/tZGKc

[–]DeliriumSC 30 points31 points ago

Google: "I will take him to King's Cross, point him towards platforms nine and ten"

3,040,000 results:
Tumblr
Tumblr
Tumblr
Tumblr
weknowmemes.com

[–]achshar 2 points3 points ago

Letters are not delivered on birthdays. Harry's was delivered because his birthday fell close to the school opening time, but was delayed by his uncle resulting in letter being delivered on his birthday. He started getting letters much earlier, remember?

[–]BlazingFox 0 points1 point ago

Tell him that Dobby must have closed the portal thing.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]sarcasticmrfox 11 points12 points ago

OP will surely deliver.

[–]QuelFara -1 points0 points ago

Only problem is platforms 9 and 10 have a track between them.

[–]Blaidd_Dwrg 2 points3 points ago

Oh I tried that once. Here is the aftermath

[–]squirrelballs 102 points103 points ago

Why?! Why would hitting his 4yo with a tire iron help?!

[–]timetowastetime 53 points54 points ago

So then he can feed it to the dog as a distraction.

[–]SwordofGryffindor 0 points1 point ago

Well, that escalated quickly.

[–]CrocodileInMyPants 3 points4 points ago

Ah the old reddit switcheroo

[–]lurk2derp 0 points1 point ago

It never ends. Holy shit!

[–]glitchscott 84 points85 points ago

I like the option "Report Abuse"

[–]toasterj 29 points30 points ago

But that's quality entertainment. I get that it's trolling, but it made me laugh. That is what the Internet is about.

[–]bitch_im_a_lion 15 points16 points ago

I think he's making a joke about the animal/child abuse depicted in the story.

[–]toasterj 1 point2 points ago

That could be it.

[–]Ayycanadian 142 points143 points ago

I laughed far to hard at this

[–]Bryz_ 154 points155 points ago

On a scale from far to hard, how did you laugh at this?

[–]grammer_polize 24 points25 points ago

haha. this be funny. way to capitalize on lack of second o

[–]strangethingtowield 28 points29 points ago

This be funny

grammar_polize

[–]nsoja 12 points13 points ago

Inspector Dolan after finishing his education.

[–]DCMFDOOM -1 points0 points ago

Nsoja pls

[–]fufai_ter 1 point2 points ago

doomy pls

[–]thratty 3 points4 points ago

Actually he's the grammer police, so he only corrects things related to Kelsey Grammer.

[–]TheMadHatter_9 5 points6 points ago

Grammer_polize

[–]arksien 52 points53 points ago

I lost it at the tire iron bit. The sad thing is, it's just so fucking crazy it might be true... and if not, it's proof yet again that yahoo answers has a goldmine of talent waiting to be discovered.

[–]clonekiller 2 points3 points ago

You mean the ones who post the articles on the front page?

[–]altgrave 0 points1 point ago

who has horse tranquiliser dart guns?

[–]EV3N 9 points10 points ago

I laughed so hard that I didn't even realize it. Halfway through reading this I noticed and was like, "I sound fucking crazy, but this shit is awesome."

[–]Whiskey_Fred 3 points4 points ago

Damn alcohol... I swore I read this as " I laughed so hard I farted at this"

[–]Opwsprin 1 point2 points ago

You read correctly, you just replied to the wrong comment......Alcohol is still to blame.

[–]Exposedo -4 points-3 points ago

I laughed too.

AGAIN that is.

This is a really really REALLY old post and I do believe this exact tale has been reposted dozens of times. I remember seeing it on 4chan 5 years ago!

[–]Hosfac 27 points28 points ago

I really, really, REALLY tried not to laugh at that. I failed.

[–]Polloco 22 points23 points ago

I believe that 4 years old is the legal age for handling dogs with balls stuck in mouse traps.

[–]japanorama69 56 points57 points ago

lol at the top answer "no"

[–]prmaster23 12 points13 points ago

Even funnier because of his avatar.

[–]firedroplet 1 point2 points ago

[–]I_FISTED_MY_GRANDMA 32 points33 points ago

Trying turning it off and turning it back on.

[–]scorpion347 20 points21 points ago

I find it hard to believe his dog was turned on by this.

[–]Boobs101 6 points7 points ago

I don't.

[–]emorockstar 0 points1 point ago

Your grandma or...?

[–]BeingDS[S] 0 points1 point ago

The upvote for your comment and the downvote for your name cancelled each other out.

[–]I_FISTED_MY_GRANDMA 0 points1 point ago

I downvoted you because i don't like the letter B. Not really, i'm not that big of a douche. (;

[–]Sethal4395 12 points13 points ago

I laughed so hard I farted

[–]barooboodoo 8 points9 points ago

My brother just pooped outside a laundromat.

[–]FriskyHippoSlayer 3 points4 points ago

Just for fun or is there a story behind it?

[–]donkeyrocket 1 point2 points ago

Keep us posted as the situation draws to a close. We're following this story thoroughly.

[–]barooboodoo 0 points1 point ago

We had just eaten a ton and stopped by a dispensary for a friend. I waited in the car, he came out limping. Said he needed to poop, BAD. Dropped that deuce behind a tree outside a laundromat. Was it everything you hoped and more? He felt really guilty and wanted to go clean it up...

[–]BeingDS[S] 0 points1 point ago

The comedic effect of this reply was diminished by the fact that you didn't put "relevant:" before it.

[–]musichero3738 0 points1 point ago

Came here to post this real-world application. Shame nobody has noticed this apparently, 'cause it's fucking gold.

[–]GreenSteel 21 points22 points ago

[–]poizan42 5 points6 points ago

[–]GreenSteel 0 points1 point ago

Better... but something is missing.

[–]GreenSteel 0 points1 point ago

Power has reached 98%! Good work men!

[–]ViolentOctopus 8 points9 points ago

"It snapped right on his nuts" I lost it. I rarely laugh at /r/funny anymore, so thank you.

[–]scoots23 5 points6 points ago

I know the guy who posted this. I used to post on the nfl general message board on espn and one day there was a thread where people were posting funny shit on yahoo answers and this was one of the ones that the guy who started the thread wrote. It was easily the best one.

[–]Snowpenguin 7 points8 points ago

I AM DYING

[–]darklooshkin 1 point2 points ago

Then hurry up. Remember to leave a will stating who you'll bequeath your reddit account to.

[–]Snowpenguin 1 point2 points ago

Already done left my account to my cat Senior Fluffy

[–]Jokkerb 7 points8 points ago

Oh man, there's just too much win in there to single out any one part! I'm only 3 hours in to Saturday and I know that nothing else I read in the next 21 hours will be funnier than this!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Acknowledging that you're going to spend all of your Saturday on reddit. Have an upvote.

[–]Jokkerb -1 points0 points ago

Thank you for supporting me, I'll do my best.

[–]sharksfan93 8 points9 points ago

10 for imagination but he's trying to hard and makes it less funny for me in my opinion.

[–]domino8282 2 points3 points ago

Agreed, he lost me at the "tranquilizer dart" bit...

[–]whorecrusher 9 points10 points ago

I thought it added to the sheer ludicrousness of the story and made it even funnier.

[–]SayAllenthing 0 points1 point ago

If the hitting his own tire part wasn't there, I might have believed it.

[–]EvaCarlisle 1 point2 points ago

Where the fuck did he get a horse tranquilizer from?

[–]TheHerbalGerbil 1 point2 points ago

There’s so many idiots on Yahoo Answers, trolling is the only thing it’s good for. God help you if you ever go there with an important question.

[–]colonelmatto 1 point2 points ago

This will be hilarious until Ben Stiller makes a movie about it.

[–]Nazismasher 1 point2 points ago

This may be a little messed up, but I was hoping for a picture.

[–]sparkateer 1 point2 points ago

I wish I could upvote this a million times

[–]policies94 1 point2 points ago

"That's gold, Jerry!".

[–]Erickgch 3 points4 points ago

This is gold.

[–]moderndayvigilante 5 points6 points ago

No.

[–]MuffinBoss 4 points5 points ago

"That's gold, Jerry!"

[–]sircmpwn -2 points-1 points ago

This is old.

[–]vpwnz 0 points1 point ago

Cool link, welcome to 1998

[–]WhoUpvotedThisShit 1 point2 points ago

Who upvoted this shit?

[–]OuTrIgHtChAoS 0 points1 point ago

The smile on the default pic is how I pictured their face as they asked that question

[–]Relient-J 0 points1 point ago

So... Are they or aren't they? His use of a question mark at the end confuses me Edit: I'm Ron Burgundy?

[–]pair_of_ducks 0 points1 point ago

True or not, this is the most I've laughed on reddit to date. Though, I've only been here about a month.

[–]Ignify 0 points1 point ago

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Thank you.

[–]Erock2 0 points1 point ago

The sad part is (s)he generally felt sending the child might work...

[–]Cry_Havok 0 points1 point ago

I just fucking love how he says "club him with a tire iron"

[–]808lisa93 0 points1 point ago

This is the hardest I've ever laughed at anything on Reddit. Thank you.

[–]ihatecats18 0 points1 point ago

I about lost a testicle laughing at the "club it with a tire iron" ending.

[–]tokeyoh 0 points1 point ago

my thirst to reach the front page does not outweigh my integrity by reposting

[–]MCem 0 points1 point ago

Reminds me of a troll I posted on yahoo answers some years ago:

Best way to put down a cat?

i tried a lot of things to kill my cat. Her name is Basil, and shes a siamese cat. i cant afford going to the vet to put her down so i have to do something. shes really old and is annoying me and i dont want to pay for her food. i tried putting some crap from her litter box and some washing detergent in her food, but she ended up just getting sick and vomiting all over. it smelt terrible and i had to clean it up. i dont want to be like those sickos who put their cat in the microwave, especially since the fur would stic to the walls and id have to clean it up. the body would also look all mauled and burned. could i try like giving it some chocolate or does that only work for dogs? if that doesnt work, maybe i could just give her a bunch of sleeping pills and burying her in the back yard wen shes knocked out

[–]bravokilo85 0 points1 point ago

What a great laugh first thing in the morning!

[–]FoxyGrampa 0 points1 point ago

this is one of the very rare things on the Internet that legit cracks me up

[–]throwaway72745 0 points1 point ago

Why would people upvote and obviously fake question?

Seriously, "Your Open Question"? If this was a post text, it would've been buried, so how is this any different?

/rant

[–]jpdehart -1 points0 points ago

because it's still funny

[–]Zsamot 0 points1 point ago

This is gold!

[–]BirdMav 0 points1 point ago

Is there anyway this could get anymore ridiculous?? Like say, the the baby got caught in the mouse trap also???

[–]Po0zleP0under 0 points1 point ago

Aka stands for "as known as" or "also known as" how does that make sense in the title? Nonetheless this is hilarious.

[–]vertigo90 0 points1 point ago

That was a risky click.

[–]jpdehart 0 points1 point ago

9/10 would read again

[–]Trekkie_girl 0 points1 point ago

Well, the dog's neutered now...

[–]AnAmericantDerp 0 points1 point ago

I am making this comment so there can be 200 comments.

[–]Nurf03 0 points1 point ago

No

[–]Gastrox -1 points0 points ago

You're one of the lucky 10,000! Let me explain what a troll is.

[–]killerkoii 0 points1 point ago

Can't stop laughing soon good where is the hall of fame button

[–]waterfan71 0 points1 point ago

"Your open question"

Not suspicious at all. The person who took the screenshot is the one who asked the question.

[–]Paddy_Tanninger 0 points1 point ago

Sounds legit.

[–]KratosOdinSon 0 points1 point ago

Trollllll

[–]calm_collective 0 points1 point ago

Hilarious but totally fake.

[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points ago

What happened between my generation and current "kids" on the internet that think this is funny? This reads like the email forwards that my mother sends me.

Side note: For the kids that didn't have the internet 15 years ago: people used to send email forwards with mildly profane jokes (i.e.: Viagra, saggy boobs, Maxine, sparkly GIF angel wings, a ridiculously long anecdote about a cheating wife that has an unfunny punchline about her dousche husband, etc.)

[–]moderndayvigilante -4 points-3 points ago

I know... I am assuming all the people who found this funny are 15 years old at best...

[–]OmEgah15 -1 points0 points ago

I lost it when he mentioned the 4 year old

[–]Mugros -1 points0 points ago

Fake questions on help sites on the net? YOU DON'T SAY.

[–]Ranger_Danger -1 points0 points ago

how the fuck does this get upvoted. Do you all have downs?

[–]kogarou -1 points0 points ago

Serious question: At what point did you realize this post was BS? (Or didn't you?)

[–]Bx32 1 point2 points ago

Mine started registering at the tennis-ball sized balls caught in a mousetrap and I realized the post was fake when the guy "accidently" shot out his tires with a tranq dart.

[–]arkofjoy -1 points0 points ago

I wonder why this matters. It is funny. Really I hope it is afake, But having spent a bit of time of the Darwin awards site, Really how can we be sure? The only reason it is funny really is it is probable. Myself I have, in real life seen a few things which, if you posted them on reddit, People would call bullshit because they are "Impossible"

Perhaps I need treatment but I think this is the first ever of these "Phone/facebook/tweet/ posts that I have ever laughed at.

[–]moderndayvigilante -4 points-3 points ago

No, it's not funny.

Really I hope it is afake

You don't say?

[–]arkofjoy 0 points1 point ago

What I don't understand is, why are you here? 99 % of these types of post don't make me laugh. I just close it and move on.

[–]moderndayvigilante 0 points1 point ago

Why am I here? Perhaps because I visit /r/all?

[–]arkofjoy 0 points1 point ago

I didn't word my question correctly it seems, What I was trying to understand is why do you bother to come onto the comments of things you don't find funny and comment. I don't understand the people who come to these posts and complain about reposts. Since I find almost none of these things funny, I just click on the next one in the usually vain hope that IT will be funny. I did find this one funny. Strange though that is.

[–]moderndayvigilante -1 points0 points ago

Dude.

Check my post history. I am usually a miserable cunt.

[–]arkofjoy 0 points1 point ago

Oh ok. Is that fun for you?

[–]moderndayvigilante -1 points0 points ago

Yup.

[–]arkofjoy 0 points1 point ago

Well I would assume that you have reasons to be pissed off at the world aside from stupid random posters so I guess posting snarky comments helps clear them out of your head and stops you from venting your justifiable rage at co-workers/partners/kids and other innocent bystanders.

Thanks for clearing that up for me.

[–]kogarou -1 points0 points ago

Yay, I started a pointless argument.

[–]arkofjoy 1 point2 points ago

Well we both knew that, I was not having a go at you though, more trying to understand all the people who comment on these kinds of things. If I dropped a comment on everyone that didn't make me laugh, it would be all I do. I probably should also downvote them but so far I only downvote things which offend me (Not Much ) and upvote things which either, make me laugh,make me cry or motivate me to comment, which is mostly on Askreddit.

[–]TickleFightProTour 0 points1 point ago

Need a hug, champ?

[–]DavidChenghz -5 points-4 points ago

REPORT THE REPOST!

[–]FartMart -2 points-1 points ago

It might be funny if he hadn't tried so hard.

[–]IdahoTrees77 -2 points-1 points ago

This isn't original. And you aren't the creator of this. But sure. Steal something and take credit for it. That's chill.

[–]phalmatticus -2 points-1 points ago

Haven't laughed so hard on this subreddit in a long time

[–]37snoogans -2 points-1 points ago

Best laugh in days. Thank you.

[–]Captain_Aizen -2 points-1 points ago

Brilliantly done.

[–]CavJake -1 points0 points ago

I might have another idea, but first I have a question. Are there and younger kids around? Maybe a baby. Or perhaps someone with a disability? A small kitten?

[–]jrlovejr92 -1 points0 points ago

His name could only be Big D

[–]BigFishMcNish -1 points0 points ago

There must be more of these.

[–]thesmeg -1 points0 points ago

OH MY GOD! I died at the "nuts like tennis balls". Everything else is just too much!

[–]Nick__Cage -1 points0 points ago

"report abuse" aha

[–]supergamer1123 -1 points0 points ago

♪ My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard ♪

[–]steampunkwookiee -1 points0 points ago

Even though all of these are 100% made up I still enjoy them

[–]kevshaver -1 points0 points ago

Why does he just have a horse tranquilizer sitting around?

[–]ImBuzzed -1 points0 points ago

well that escalated

[–]UpvotesOrBust -1 points0 points ago

Father of the year.

[–]qarl -1 points0 points ago

it would have been funnier if he had included a poop joke.

RIP reddit.

[–]scharfca -1 points0 points ago

i don't know what i expected.

[–]m0viebee -1 points0 points ago

I laughed at this way more than I should have.

[–]mirrislegend -1 points0 points ago

I call bull. It's too epic-level-fail to be real. It's so absurd that someone must have done this on purpose

[–]InsanePurple -1 points0 points ago

Nice try, but it says 'your open question.'

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]InsanePurple -1 points0 points ago

No, it's the 'your' because this is (sadly) fake. Whoever posted this to reddit made this question himself.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]InsanePurple 0 points1 point ago

HE posted this question. It is not a real question asked by someone who did this. It was a fake question asked by him to get karma and laughs.

Edit: I just now noticed that you posted this. What I'm trying to say is that you faked it.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]InsanePurple 0 points1 point ago

  1. You posted the question on yahoo answers, which is why it says YOUR open question. Because it's YOUR open question.

  2. There is no dog, because YOU made this up.

  3. I don't believe everything on the Internet is true, I'm just pointing out that this one is an obvious fake.

What I'm trying to say, is that you're an over sensitive prick who's trying to sound like a big man over the Internet by insulting someone who's making a valid point. It's not working.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]InsanePurple -1 points0 points ago

I'm not saying it wasn't funny. I'm saying it was most likely faked, if if you think I'm the only person who points things like that out, you don't really know reddit. And as for your thousand upvotes, if that was really all you cared about, you wouldn't have bothered to take the time to downvote and comment on all of my posts.

[–]eXXaXion -1 points0 points ago

Man I can't even put in words how much this didn't happen.

Still creative and quite amusing.

[–]moderndayvigilante -3 points-2 points ago

HAWHAHHWHAHWHAHHAHAHAH IT'S SO FUNNY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLATANT TROLLING IS FUCKING COMEDIC GOLD !!!!!

GET THIS GUY A TV SHOW ON TLC PRONTO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[–]gospy55 -2 points-1 points ago

I was scared to click on this.

[–]poopthemagicdragon -2 points-1 points ago

where da pixels at?

[–]claudesoph -2 points-1 points ago

All y'all motherfuckers saying that y'all have "Facebook Gold" and shit: this is true gold; anything less than this, y'all better not call it gold or a gem or whatever the fuck.

[–]IAmAtomato -2 points-1 points ago

"Does anybody have anything better?"

"No."

[–]IEnjoyRush79 -2 points-1 points ago

Why Is Your Title Capitalised Like This?

[–]Zybob -2 points-1 points ago

"I just got bitten by a vicious dog, better send my toddler towards it". Thats some logic.