this post was submitted on
1,041 points (55% like it)
5,355 up votes 4,314 down votes

WTF

subscribe1,813,432 readers

New Rules:

  • No screenshots (e.g. Facebook, Youtube)
  • No memes
  • No rage comics
  • No politics / posts with political implications - Includes Activism, Call for public outcry etc.
  • No re-hosted web comics
  • No begging for upvotes
  • No links to reddit
  • Personal information is not allowed and will be removed, repeat offenders banned
  • Links to facebook are not allowed
  • NSFW posts must be tagged or will be removed.
  • Gore and Porn are not by default WTF, consider posting the more extreme stuff to /r/spacedicks

All (& only) things that make you say WTF. The moderators of /r/WTF reserve the right to moderate posts for not being WTF and would be more appropriate in more relevant subreddits.


Thanks to licenseplate for the excellent logo & thanks to humansmartbomb for the previous logo


Please DO NOT post personal information

Such posts or comments will be removed and offenders may be banned. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


Shout Outs:

/r/weird

/r/creepy

/r/creepy_gif

/r/offbeat

/r/WTFart

/r/NSFW_WTF

/r/sfw_wtf

/r/BugWars

/r/awesome

/r/toosoon

New: /r/mildlyinteresting

New: /r/FanTheories

New: /r/tifu


Exceptions to the rules can be granted by the moderators; The moderators of /r/WTF reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]dickbaggery 772 points773 points ago

Hmm.. impossible to decide. Can I do both?

[–]Banger91 381 points382 points ago

Walk through it TO lick the hoballs

[–]HocusThePocus 113 points114 points ago

can someone photoshop an homeless man spreading his legs behind the spiderwebs? Please?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Huxxxtable 379 points380 points ago

Whelp, that was nobodies fault but mine. Don't know what else I was expecting clicking on that.

[–]adamwong246 141 points142 points ago

I REGRET NOTHING!

[–]open_ur_mind 26 points27 points ago

I do... I didn't close the + yet.

[–]EternaTea 32 points33 points ago

Favorite 'shop of all time. OF ALL TIME!

[–]yourpenisinmyhand 5 points6 points ago

Goddamn it...I had to click even though you warned me. Don't anybody else click though, you've been warned twice. Dead Dove, DO NOT EAT.

[–]loveisthebomb 40 points41 points ago

deaddove.jpg

[–]I2oy 77 points78 points ago

Omg... thank you for delivering, my only regret was clicking on it....

[–]Treedom_Lighter 17 points18 points ago

I'm upvoting you to voice my assent. Masterfully done, but why god why did I need to SEE how well he did it!?

[–]sillyxwabbitx 2 points3 points ago

My only regret, is that I have boneitis.

[–]AbortusLuciferum 60 points61 points ago

Goddamn it Reddit. Did you really have to do it?

[–]ThatJesterJeff 23 points24 points ago

Yes; welcome to the Internet.

[–]AFRUITPIE 12 points13 points ago

I really hope that you become more popular.

[–]KingJaphar 17 points18 points ago

That was brilliant.

[–]bootnuts 13 points14 points ago

That is one sensual, erotic hobo

[–]washmo 2 points3 points ago

Hung like a homeless donkey.

[–]Epiicuros 11 points12 points ago

Why did I click on that? I don't want to see a homeless mans dick, yet I still clicked on it.

[–]makita69 21 points22 points ago

if anyone is wondering this link is totally sfw

[–]Cheddabezze 19 points20 points ago

This is what keeps bringing me back to Reddit everyday. This is fucking perfect.

[–]deeznutz12 8 points9 points ago

This is like something from Saw.

[–]Companion_Cuby 12 points13 points ago

Brb, going to gouge out my eyes.

[–]Karrl1z4j2 22 points23 points ago

[–]Amazonearl 3 points4 points ago

oh dear god help us....... shivers

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

Why do you have a picture of a homeless man spreading his legs?

[–]washburnee 6 points7 points ago

for science...

[–]dana87 5 points6 points ago

that homeless man is packing HEAT!

[–]ktphoenix 6 points7 points ago

First thought after viewing this.. "Hello. I want to play a game."

[–]MisterDonkey 2 points3 points ago

You stole all the glory. Perfect.

[–]finnthehuman11 2 points3 points ago

This made me burst out in an uncontrollable fit of whispering laughter at work. It was on my phone so no worries.

[–]singularityneuromanc 2 points3 points ago

Not gonna lie, kinda wanna make this my facebook timeline cover.

[–]Ph0ton 12 points13 points ago

[–]N69sZelda 1 point2 points ago

well done sir.

[–]I_pee_in_coke 1 point2 points ago

I don't know why I clicked..but I did.

[–]TaigaGulo 1 point2 points ago

I don't know what I expected. But at least you're no liar.

[–]lokimuffin 1 point2 points ago

Oh god. Oh god. I cant stop laughing. Thank you so much I need a good laugh. Up vote for you.

[–]Potchi79 1 point2 points ago

Wow. That was actually rather well done. Best hobo ball spider pic I've ever seen.

[–]indorock 64 points65 points ago

First I thought "yeah cool I'll do it", then 5 minutes later I ended up with "hobo penis", "vagrant scrotum", "naked homeless" in my search history and a whole load of unwanted photos in my cache.

Thanks Reddit.

[–]Sachiano 5 points6 points ago

This is what Incognito is for. Forget presents and porn, it's to hide embarrassing searches!

[–]UnderDogs 38 points39 points ago

Yeah, I need some more fap material.

[–]MASTERGOD 17 points18 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]josephanthony 2 points3 points ago

Thank-you and congratulations. That's my first experience of the word (and mental image) "Hoballs", and my world is richer for it.

[–]derrida_n_shit 18 points19 points ago

Cue the gif with the cute little girl.

[–]workpuppy 227 points228 points ago

Little fire, or a big stick would clear that right out. 'Course the same could be said for the spiders...

[–]Evenged7x 2 points3 points ago

So you must use either your Ginger or Black penis to get through, correct?

[–]AlaskaDK 1 point2 points ago

I'm pretty sure a little fire would attract it.

[–]sutvar 137 points138 points ago

After tracking down the image's source, which thankfully included the location as Utah, I am fairly certain that the spiders in said photograph are Araneidae (Orb Weaver) Neoscona Oaxacensis. Although I was unable to find any reference to the toxicity of this particular spider, according to some sources, the toxicity of Orb Weavers is low and not dangerous to humans, which is consistent with this paper on the toxicity of spider venom. Since this spider is apparently common to Utah (as opposed to rare) and not found in a search for dangerous spiders, I am left to conclude that the only threat from slowly walking through the webs is a feeling of fright and perhaps slight panic. Comparing this mental discomfort with a very real threat of not only STDs, but also general illness from the uncleanliness of an un-showered and possibly crazy person's genitals, I must conclude it is more logical to walk through the webs.

[–]washmo 33 points34 points ago

Good job Spock. Take a landing party and send the black guy through first.

[–]CodyDon2 25 points26 points ago

Good job Sheldon

[–]Felipe_O 1 point2 points ago

how dare you be logical in this thread.

[–]PeeTer_Tape 1 point2 points ago

Yeah, but it doesn't say that I can't wear a HazMat suit to go through the web.

[–]ohmyhighheels 387 points388 points ago

PLEASE GOD GIVE ME SOME HOMELESS MAN BALLS!!!!

[–]LaPoderosa 239 points240 points ago

Welcome to /r/nocontext

[–]PrideSax711 19 points20 points ago

Lol, this is now the top post on /r/nocontext

[–]LaPoderosa 5 points6 points ago

I just realized it when I literally doubled my link karma, lol.

[–]ohmyhighheels 4 points5 points ago

Who knew my fear of spiders would pay off so well!!

[–]evil_monk 1 point2 points ago

I only came to the comments with hopes of finding this.

[–]WeLoveKanjimari 49 points50 points ago

Plot twist: The balls are covered in spiders

[–]FeatheredOdyssey 33 points34 points ago

Plot twist: The balls are spider eggs ready to hatch

[–]Zapapplejam 38 points39 points ago

Ball twist: I mean, wait... dammit.

[–]munchybot 19 points20 points ago

wince

[–]max9221 1 point2 points ago

As I guy who had twisted a single ball on accident I can confirm the wince. So. Much. Pain.

[–]fireboat 1 point2 points ago

It's called testicular torsion, and it is, in fact, a real condition that, to quote the following article, "may not have an obvious cause." What's more imperative is that "even with less than 6 hours of torsion, the testicle may lose its ability to function."

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001545/

edit for: wink ;)

[–]ctoacsn 13 points14 points ago

The balls are now spiders! I'm on a horse.

[–]yourpenisinmyhand 1 point2 points ago

Twist. The spiders are hobos.... and have tiny little hobo balls.

[–]Xalts 825 points826 points ago

Balls. No question.

[–]The_Joellercoaster 31 points32 points ago

Balls followed by a good bleach gargle. At least you have a better story that way. I mean, what story would better grab your interest?

Story A

Guy 1: Oh yeah, one time I had to walk through a whole bunch of spider webs? Guy 2: Yeah this one time I had to blah blah blah one-upmanship.

Story B (for balls)

Guy 1: Yeah, one time I had to lick this homeless man's balls. Guy 2: It is impossible for me to be any more interested in what you are saying.

[–]goddamnferret 191 points192 points ago

I was going to say balls, but I've heard some awe full stories from friends in the medical field about horrible exploded STD and just puke inducing stories about what they've found growing/living in homeless people. At least with the spiders I know what I'm getting in to.

[–]EroSennin78 94 points95 points ago

I am tired of people assuming just because I am homeless, that my balls are not fucking delicious.

[–]Michaelllllll 21 points22 points ago

Is this a frequent problem you encounter?

[–]Alymae 1 point2 points ago

I bet they are baby.. now come over here so i dont need to be swaddled in what nightmares are made of

[–]Delicious_Nipples 1 point2 points ago

Upvotes because of the username coupled with the scenario.

[–]sparkymcjones 2 points3 points ago

sorry pervy sage. it's gross and you know it.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]TomConger 57 points58 points ago

By the same token, you could wrap your entire body in saran wrap and waddle through the spiders.

[–]Motarded_Rider 80 points81 points ago

I wouldn't walk through that in a full on explosive ordnance disposal suit.

[–]NoNeedForAName 37 points38 points ago

Ordinance disposal suits have creases and crevices that spiders might hide in. Give me some scuba gear.

[–]DarthContinent 14 points15 points ago

Spider in the facemask, hiding out camouflaged against the rubber until you have it securely over your face.

[–]KindredBear 10 points11 points ago

FUCK YOU NOPE!

ME NOPE-ING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE

[–]TPfurmeinbunghole 11 points12 points ago

Walk through in scuba suit. Go diving. Drown the little bitches.

[–]The_Joellercoaster 25 points26 points ago

What?!? Cocoon myself and do half of the job for the spiders?!? Madness!

[–]DarthContinent 8 points9 points ago

Better either make it several layers of store brand or a couple of a name brand, otherwise their little fangs could poke through!

[–]Alymae 10 points11 points ago

Aaaaaand I'm done.

[–]TheUnfamiliar 1 point2 points ago

But what if one of them manage to make their way inside the wrap. I don't think he'd be too happy about that...

[–]joshuaseal 68 points69 points ago

you just saved my life now i can live!!!

[–]DarthContinent 60 points61 points ago

Get on the horn to every Redditor around the world and tell them how to take these sons-of-bitches down.

EDIT: Mods, I see what you did there. ;)

[–]DarthContinent 33 points34 points ago

Welcome ta EARF!

[–]cbs5090 23 points24 points ago

I feel like you know that he says earth properly, but chose to ignore it anyway.

[–]TheMcBacon 2 points3 points ago

He had a cigar in his mouth if I remember correctly

[–]Seriouslysoftpillow 2 points3 points ago

What did it say?! I have to know!!!

[–]unseth 13 points14 points ago

But then wouldn't you just be licking saran wrap?

[–]duckdave 16 points17 points ago

tongue condom...

...I think I would still choose the spiders if I knew I could jump into a swimming pool at the end. Or off the edge of a huge cliff.

[–]DarthContinent 35 points36 points ago

The study, to see just how long spiders can survive underwater, inadvertently led to the discovery that some spiders can fall into a coma-like state to help them survive underwater for as long as 36 hours.

The research was conducted at the University of Rennes in France by studying three species of wolf spider - one from a forest and two from marshes. The spiders were immersed in seawater and observed to see when they had “expired.”

After drowning the spiders, scientists set them out to dry so that they could be weighed. A few hours later, the spiders began to show movement and got to their feet - all eight of them.

(from here)

[–]duckdave 53 points54 points ago

Oh jesus. Oh jesus jesus jesus.

Some homeless guys balls are going to have to be licked.

...Never in my life did I think I was going to say that.

[–]DarthContinent 4 points5 points ago

The jump off the cliff option still seems viable except for the landing of course.

[–]duckdave 5 points6 points ago

I think maybe you've proven that I should take that risk.

[–]Dynamaxion 4 points5 points ago

wrapping your tongue in a mile of concrete prior to licking

FTFY

[–]Aaronmcom 6 points7 points ago

I didn't see anything about using a flamethrower and nuking the webs. Or walking over the top of the truck.

[–]velvetfoot 1 point2 points ago

dental dam, dental dam, dental dam.

[–]BoringUsername1 1 point2 points ago

Or wrapping your body in saran wrap prior to walking through the spiders. At least with that you don't have to stick your nose down by a homeless mans anus.

[–]superjentendo 1 point2 points ago

BALLS. DENTAL DAM.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]killerwhaleMD 22 points23 points ago

And with that I shall walk through the spider webs. By walk I mean run.

[–]GingerBeardMann 39 points40 points ago

With a flamethrower.

[–]ilovegingermen 19 points20 points ago

And a parka.

[–]pieguyfry22 6 points7 points ago

That would anger them even more, and the spiders would panic and seek shelter as quick as they can. And by shelter I mean your shirt, your pants, your mouth, and very likely your ears.

[–]VESUVlUS 4 points5 points ago

Now, I'm no expert in spider identification, but those look like black widows. The males are apparently harmless, but I'm willing to wager that there are more than enough females there to bite you, and that walking through that web would easily provoke them to do so. Getting bitten by numerous black widows would probably be much worse than having to deal with whatever STDs you can get from licking homeless man balls.

[–]DarthContinent 22 points23 points ago

Shouldn't a male black widow be a black widower?

[–]Corrik 3 points4 points ago

It didn't say you didn't get to pick the homeless man. Go find a clean one and inspect the balls first. Hell there are no rules about washing the balls first either.

[–]Stumblin_McBumblin 1 point2 points ago

I like to think that I get to choose my homeless person from a lineup, or something.

[–]shellbells83 1 point2 points ago

I would lick the balls and then immediately kill myself.

[–]Error404NameNotFound 1 point2 points ago

Ok, I'm intrigued. Care to share any?

[–]Anon090 1 point2 points ago

Well that's it for reddit today.

[–]Zapps_ 1 point2 points ago

nah its still balls man

[–]Gwile 1 point2 points ago

When unsure, I like to look towards my role models. I can't Indiana Jones licking a crusty bum's balls.

[–]TheJuniorIdiots 1 point2 points ago

I feel like I answered this question a lot faster than I should have. I also went with balls.

[–]Alltrrego 117 points118 points ago

Walk through that anyday

[–]BurningChildren 84 points85 points ago

arachnophobia < knowing what hobo balls taste like

[–]Babablacksheep13 11 points12 points ago

This might be one of the greatest statements to take out of context.

[–]thisistheperfectname 4 points5 points ago

[–]Rosie24601 23 points24 points ago

How many licks?

[–]SchlapHappy 37 points38 points ago

Till you get to the center. Duh.

[–]mndg 45 points46 points ago

One.

Tw-hoooooo.

crunch

[–]Electric_Reflection 1 point2 points ago

And here we have another "Jolly Rancher" story.

[–]gh0stfl0wers 12 points13 points ago

shudder

[–]JohnAbruzzi 1 point2 points ago

Is there bubble gum? Is that what those things are?

[–]Rosie24601 1 point2 points ago

Hmm...well then that begs the question, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a homeless man's balls?

[–]IhateToronto 75 points76 points ago

Death

[–]silvergrove 161 points162 points ago

....BY EXILE!

[–]IbanezHand 10 points11 points ago

Hmmm, that's borderline... Won't say borderline what, but it is borderline...

[–]ahoneybadger2145 8 points9 points ago

Nah I wouldnt say thats borderline (I know what you're referencing). Just a simple reference.

[–]spinning_jenny13 2 points3 points ago

I never know when it becomes okay... I can't wait 'til its okay to... borderline.

[–]Atwotonhooker 2 points3 points ago

I'm so happy to be a part of this... I never get these things...

[–]nickles 35 points36 points ago

BY SNOO SNOO

[–]meatballzzzz 6 points7 points ago

You might die either way...

[–]wanderso24 19 points20 points ago

Spiders. 100000x times spiders. I was a NYC EMT and I've seen what could be going on between those thighs. Imagine maggots. The amount of maggots I've seen in a homeless person is too much, friends.

[–]I_dont_like_turtles 4 points5 points ago

But the chances of getting bitten are pretty high.

[–]wanderso24 16 points17 points ago

Modern medicine can fix anything caused by a spider bite if you call 911 quick enough. Nothing will help you if you like a homeless man's maggot balls.

[–]GuitarGuy93 61 points62 points ago

And this, Reddit, is how to get people to openly say they'd lick balls...

[–]Dead0n_Arrival 14 points15 points ago

Would legit go elbow deep in a homeless dude if it meant not having to walk through that slice of hell.

[–]KindredBear 3 points4 points ago

what about a homeless dude going balls deep in you?

[–]Canadian_Man 36 points37 points ago

Bullet to the brain.

[–]naqutramas 5 points6 points ago

Squish.

[–]Canadoz 24 points25 points ago

Fuck you and everything you stand for!

[–]dcass 22 points23 points ago

[–]emkat82 9 points10 points ago

Y'all know that's how the zombie apocolypse starts right? A bunch of people licking homeless man balls.

[–]HaloWarLord711 152 points153 points ago

how bout we make the homeless man walk through that, then set them both on fire

[–]MrCreedBratton 20 points21 points ago

I've tried it man, and I gotta say, the result isn't cool and it isn't pretty.

[–]dkenney 38 points39 points ago

Of course it's not cool.

YOU. SET. A. MAN. ON. FIRE.

[–]R3divid3r 31 points32 points ago

Read that in kelso's voice.

[–]534seeds 20 points21 points ago

BURN!!!!

[–]Clever-Username789 17 points18 points ago

As I was staring at this my cat gently brushed her tail against my shin.... I'm ashamed to admit I squealed like a little girl.

[–]elproducto 24 points25 points ago

I'll take "Sprint until my fucking legs fall off" for 600$ Alex.

[–]DooberBooberDoo 7 points8 points ago

Swallow the cyanide pill I keep under my tongue just in case I'm ever faced with a decision like this.

[–]OatStraw 4 points5 points ago

At least you didn't say eat his face.

[–]bmores8 21 points22 points ago

Seriously? I will power house through that petty civilization of spider scum way before putting my tongue anywhere near the salty mustard colored balls of a fucking bum. You gotta be joking.

[–]cucumbermesh 12 points13 points ago

That. Rhymed.

[–]Error404NameNotFound 12 points13 points ago

He was quoting Mother Goose.

[–]YummyYumpster 16 points17 points ago

I carry a gun. Checkmate.

[–]RageOverflows 21 points22 points ago

Are you planning on shooting the spiders or the homeless man?

[–]YummyYumpster 72 points73 points ago

myslef. duh.

[–]JohnAbruzzi 6 points7 points ago

TBH, I'd rather lick a homeless man's balls if he were dead. That way, we'd avoid any eye contact during the procedure. Then again, he might have spiders living on his balls.

[–]mazumi 31 points32 points ago

Lets see...walk through a bunch of spiders and webs and then brush myself off and move along, or lick a homeless guy's lice-ridden nutsack and get syphilis.

LEMME THINK ABOUT THAT ONE.

[–]159753456 11 points12 points ago

When you get out of there, you are going to be covered in spiders, and web , in your mouth, and probably over your eyes so you couldn't see. You'd have to flail like a spaz to get them all off, got forbid one got under your clothes, and depending on what kind of spiders those are, you could die.

Yeah, a homeless man's balls are sounding fabulous right now.

[–]mazumi 6 points7 points ago

...or I could just close my mouth and eyes. And shower after.

You're talking to someone that has very large pet spiders. I've had spiders on my face and in my hair. They're just not that big of a deal.

[–]XxSpacePiratexX 5 points6 points ago

And if you don't want any in your face, just put your damn arms in front of your face

[–]redfocus 9 points10 points ago

Porque no los dos?

[–]PaulVene1 5 points6 points ago

¿Por qué no los dos?

If you are going to make a comment in my language, at least do it right!!!!!!! ಠ_ಠ

[–]Heretic3e7 4 points5 points ago

Spiders.

Give me the spiders. Moutfull of web is way better than a fromunder cheese sandwich.

[–]nropotdetcidda 34 points35 points ago

That homeless man would have the cleanest balls ever after I was done. That's a big pile of fucking NOPE, right there.

[–]Mazgelis626 7 points8 points ago

You haven't seen my balls.

[–]nropotdetcidda 2 points3 points ago

Are you homeless? This could be a challenge... mooohooohahahahaha

[–]Respondir 2 points3 points ago

That first sentence is hilarious out of context.

[–]drakec 16 points17 points ago

OR eat a raw slice of Anderson Cooper's ass

[–]RageOverflows 99 points100 points ago

[–]pwniess 10 points11 points ago

Best. gif. ever.

[–]heavymetalman75672 15 points16 points ago

Throw the homeless dude through the spiders and run like hell.

[–]Fiddlershare 5 points6 points ago

Kill the person forcing me to choose.

[–]Allergy_Man 10 points11 points ago

Spiders.

[–]directoryinvalid 2 points3 points ago

WD40 + bic lighter = smooth hobo balls to lick. Uh, I mean, uh, spiders. Dead and burnt spiders, yea.

[–]Silverxeclipse 6 points7 points ago

Yep Balls for me.

[–]Raspieman 3 points4 points ago

It would depend, are the homeless man's balls covered in spiders too? Please provide pics of said man's balls.

[–]Fancy_Pantsu 1 point2 points ago

I'd take the balls any day over those spiders.

[–]GodOfPoon 1 point2 points ago

i would rather suck the hairs right out of them than walk through that

[–]windg0d 1 point2 points ago

Those are brown recluses. Bring in the balls please.

[–]gropesexington 1 point2 points ago

Present them

[–]I_am_very_rude 1 point2 points ago

GET ME THE FUCKING BALLS RIGHT NOW, I'LL LICK THEM UNTIL HE COMES TO AVOID THIS TUNNEL OF TERROR!

[–]Turbofat 1 point2 points ago

Of course the biggest spider is mouth height.

[–]wewillrise420 1 point2 points ago

You didn't say I couldn't wear a flame retardant suit, so I would throw that shit on, walk through that muther fucker, then have someone burn those bastards off of me.

[–]chrisda 1 point2 points ago

balls

[–]Chunga_the_Great 1 point2 points ago

WHIP THOSE BALLS OUT AND LETS DO THIS

[–]moonchase 1 point2 points ago

I would lick those balls til they shine cause HELL NO!!

[–]Like_A_Bossk_ 1 point2 points ago

Not only would I lick the balls, I would milk his dick in my mouth and rim his dirt hole before walking through that.

[–]yuckypants 1 point2 points ago

nothing to decide. I'd bury my face in balls.