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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]jacksonthedawg 172 points173 points ago

[–]RDandersen 90 points91 points ago

Wholey wheat bread. Did you see some of his more recent work? He has gone really avantgarde.

[–]yiajiipamu 50 points51 points ago

[–]TheYuppieWord 15 points16 points ago

These are the people I'm worried about procreating.

[–]Allogistic 8 points9 points ago

Yeah, I would hate to procreate them as well.

[–]TheYuppieWord 1 point2 points ago

I actually thought for a few minutes on how to say it better, but came up with nothing :P

[–]a594109 1 point2 points ago

i wish i could give you more than just an upvote, i just watched this video 5 times, cannot stop laughing

[–]handsomedevil63 1 point2 points ago

This made me laugh I don't know why.

[–]Osmodius 1 point2 points ago

I really just love the contrast between how the sheets of pasta are gently placed, and the sauce/cheese is thrown on recklessly.

[–]CarlFromAccounting 83 points84 points ago

We call that post-modern expressionism. Also, lesbians.

[–]MunfMunf 27 points28 points ago

I think I'm in lesbians with you

[–]monkeyf1st 19 points20 points ago

No, the other L word, Scott.

[–]dwntwn_dine_ent_dist 1 point2 points ago

Lesbian?

[–]elzi 8 points9 points ago

those aren't lesbians that's just money and girls and someone with a camera rockin a halfie

[–]LadyCheeba 1 point2 points ago

Rockin' a halfie. Nice.

[–]koderfish 25 points26 points ago

You. I like you.

[–]TeBags 32 points33 points ago

Everyone likes Carl from accounting.

[–]curtdammit 5 points6 points ago

Harry from Housekeeping hates him wholeheartedly...

[–]appropriate-username 8 points9 points ago

Lesbians: the right answer to any question.

[–]kenba2099 1 point2 points ago

What about the question, "What aren't lesbians?"

[–]534seeds 1 point2 points ago

Lesbians

[–]Crodface 6 points7 points ago

Lesbians are a hobby of mine as well.

[–]iCanFAP2dat 3 points4 points ago

Go on...

[–]BestWordInYourPost 1 point2 points ago

Lesbians.

[–]straightgaykisser 7 points8 points ago

Wat.

[–]sheriff_skullface 4 points5 points ago

I'm getting a weird feeling in my penis

[–]JIZZING_ON_REDDIT 33 points34 points ago

[–]BigBassBone 9 points10 points ago

Dafuq did I just watch? And why am I sticky?

[–]isoceans 3 points4 points ago

This guy is a genius, ahead of his time for sure.

[–]Itendsvictorious 2 points3 points ago

Suddenly: Pistachios.

[–]Shadow503 3 points4 points ago

I thought this was an /r/asmr video, but it is way too short.

[–]iguana_clit 29 points30 points ago

mahnigga.wav

[–]unohoo09 7 points8 points ago

.jpg.png

[–]burnso 1 point2 points ago

.exe

moahahahah

[–]Bryz_ 2 points3 points ago

The sound the apple makes when it hits the wall is absolutely mesmerizing.

[–]ovenel 10 points11 points ago

Thank-you. I just spent the last couple minutes diligently watching this, and I think I might have the technique down. Unfortunately, I only have bananas, and this tutorial didn't cover those, so I can't really test out my abilities yet.

[–]randomsnark 3 points4 points ago

one of the youtube comments said it also works for pears
I don't know if I trust youtube comments and a pear is not a banana but I mean it is worth a try

[–]TheYuppieWord 1 point2 points ago

Here's a similar Youtube page with How-Tos. This one is my personal favorite.

[–]SandTigerAlert 2 points3 points ago

[–]SensualTomato 287 points288 points ago

When I read that comment, I like to imagine an upside down man being swung in circles around his living room, like some sort of demonic, dick activated merry-go-round.

[–]Psirocking 68 points69 points ago

Not-so-merry-go-round.

[–]ziplokk 64 points65 points ago

A Sadly-go-round

[–]Thumbz8 11 points12 points ago

Scary-go-round.

[–]Ob-La-Di 1 point2 points ago

Mildly-Entertained-Go-Round.

[–]SolomonGomes 416 points417 points ago

[–]IamBOXBOY 69 points70 points ago

[–]Jared6197 13 points14 points ago

So there is a gif for everything.

[–]choc_is_back 7 points8 points ago

It's like... rule 35?

[–]cathyblues 1 point2 points ago

nooooooooooo

[–]mont94 1 point2 points ago

some one actually delivered.

[–]MasterHiku 54 points55 points ago

Yep.

[–]MrNewking 178 points179 points ago

Yes, Exactly like that.

[–]jcaesar22 196 points197 points ago

Not going to lie, a small part of me is disappointed

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 131 points132 points ago

[–]Cfrock 4 points5 points ago

I'm actually never been so disappointed in my life till tonight. I feel the need to take a picture of me attached to my ceiling fan by my trouser trout.

[–]mont94 12 points13 points ago

reading that made me laugh way to hard. upvote.

[–]SupermanV2 58 points59 points ago

I laughed just hard enough. What do I do?

[–]MrBoog 16 points17 points ago

Why do you, TheAtomicPlayboy, and NotaMethAddict always show up in the same threads? Do I need to head over to /r/KarmaConspiracy?

[–]MrBoog 22 points23 points ago

The twist: All of the men in that gif are karmanaut.

[–]Strangely_Calm 1 point2 points ago

Ever notice they are the front page ones mostly. Mostly.

[–]SupermanV2 13 points14 points ago

You know too much.

[–]JizzblasterBoris 1 point2 points ago

V2, you're as prevalent. You were in yesternight's .gif apostolate-bashing, along with D-E and AS1986. Clearly, you're part of the conspiracy.

[–]mont94 2 points3 points ago

upvote him into the heavens.

[–]wavefunction84 1 point2 points ago

I'm at work so I just had a bunch of spasms and now people think I'm sick.

[–]jcaesar22 1 point2 points ago

That's the stuff right there

[–]DrScroddumGobbler 1 point2 points ago

Didn't even look at it. Just upvote.

[–]stuman89 1 point2 points ago

You're a sneaky fucker. You're around a lot and comment a lot. Or amybe I'm drunk. But I am. And what I said it true. Im on to you. Whose alt are you? The world may never know.

[–]lxiir 7 points8 points ago

I looked around my office to make sure no one was looking at my screen before clicking it... So disappointing.

[–]slackX 21 points22 points ago

[–]Guppywily 19 points20 points ago

Sort of relevant.

http://i.imgur.com/V1kJP.gif

[–]bb23189 13 points14 points ago

I think that hurts.

[–]warped_and_bubbling 9 points10 points ago

This is what happens, Germany, when you ban circumcisions! Back alley procedures done with shotty tools!

[–]Guppywily 1 point2 points ago

It's a clip from Horse the Band's Earth Tour. This is their lead singer one night after a show in the Ukraine. He's incredibly drunk.

[–]Nachteule 1 point2 points ago

If the parents go to jail for that later ...

[–]mont94 11 points12 points ago

[–]angrypumpkin 6 points7 points ago

Yes.

[–]Thumbz8 2 points3 points ago

Well, I've seen stranger.

[–]Shebangalanglang 1 point2 points ago

Anything is possible.

[–]losesomeweight 1 point2 points ago

risky click

[–]gemini86 1 point2 points ago

OP did not deliver!

[–]oblivinite 84 points85 points ago

[–]BagOdonutz 16 points17 points ago

Shitty_Watercolour

Edit: misspelling

[–]iamesauce 30 points31 points ago

Watercolour*

[–]Nile90 7 points8 points ago

Why downvote him, he's right. Is username is Shitty_Watercolour, not Shitty_Watercolor

[–]titan623 14 points15 points ago

my guess is probably because no one gives a shit.

[–]RDandersen 38 points39 points ago

It's kinda hard to look up a user if you don't have the right name, tiran623.

[–]BagOdonutz 1 point2 points ago

Ah, yes you're right, my bad.

[–]Bootleg_Fireworks 1 point2 points ago

But how did he post the comment then?

[–]RuskyM 1 point2 points ago

A dicky-go-round.

[–]EwThatsNerdy 1 point2 points ago

It'd be even better if he were posting the comment from his phone, still stuck in the ceiling fan in the way you described.

[–]SmartAssUsername 80 points81 points ago

This is the most retarded video ever, I mean, AFTER you touch the wall with the apple what are you supposed to do? Leave it there? Eat it? Put it back? Play golf with it?

That's probably the reason that guy got his dick stuck in the fan, people think that you can just touch a wall with an apple, but it's not that simple!

[–]bartonar 36 points37 points ago

I'm imagining a person, with apple in hand, watching the video intensely, slowly doing the same, then standing there, unable to move the apple away, clearly puzzled because they weren't told what to do next.

[–]heyimrick 12 points13 points ago

Imagine Forrest Gump doing it, and now you have an Oscar winning performance.

[–]Wuggy 13 points14 points ago

Play golf with it?

Get out of here you golf-playing bigot! Why are you always opressing us non-golfers!

[–]scapeplan 8 points9 points ago

DOWN WITH THE GOLFING AGENDA, ENSLAVING HELPLESS APPLES! /r/nongolfers!

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

Reddit: the most popular youtube comments aggregator on the internet.

[–]schaner 152 points153 points ago

Does it work with a red apple?

[–]Camphash 103 points104 points ago

Of course not... He has the red apple tutorial on his page though.

[–]tutufuzi 1 point2 points ago

what if the apple is multicolored? or is just greenish, and in reality more like ... here it comes . yellow-ish?

[–]egamer01 70 points71 points ago

Wow really if you have a green apple in your hand. How are you going to touch the wall with a red apple ?

[–]FoetusBurger 25 points26 points ago

with the red apple in your other hand?

[–]devourke 162 points163 points ago

OHH GOD IM INT HE CEILGN FAN AGAN

[–]JustForCancer 19 points20 points ago

I read this in the voice of "FENTON!" guy.

[–]TheGizmojo 9 points10 points ago

JESUS CHRIST!

[–]jmai42 10 points11 points ago

Don't be ridiculous. That'd just be stupid.

[–]beefbox 6 points7 points ago

Pretty sure this exact comment was on the front page through the same screenshot of the apple video. Non stop recycling!

[–]abithozak 3 points4 points ago

We should thank them for saving the environment

[–]Camphash 55 points56 points ago

[–]Skylarity 61 points62 points ago

Aaah the transition is creepy as fuck.

[–]sirq 18 points19 points ago

You just wrinkled my brain

[–]Madonkadonk 6 points7 points ago

T-1000 cheats at this game all the time

[–]unohoo09 7 points8 points ago

Done by Cyriak, the crazy fucker who does all those weird-ass videos.

[–]Lluuiiggii 1 point2 points ago

I have just witnessed a physical form of the word "wat"

[–]geft[!] 2 points3 points ago

My brain... ugh.

[–]losesomeweight 1 point2 points ago

watched that at least 50 times over

[–]SupriseRape 1 point2 points ago

Thank you. My wall is now painted in brain. Always wanted to redo the living room.

[–]Ocrasorm 77 points78 points ago

Just like when you go to peel an orange and your house explodes.

[–]SupermanV2 66 points67 points ago

Meth. Not even once.

[–]Bryz_ 10 points11 points ago

[–]linkybaa 9 points10 points ago

wat

[–]TheGoomba 22 points23 points ago

He said

Hotel Tango Tango Papa ://India .India Mike Golf Uniform Romeo .Charlie Oscar Mike /Juliet Hotel Zulu Charlie Lima .Juliet Papa Golf

Pay attention.

[–]linkybaa 2 points3 points ago

wat is this how do i

[–]randomsnark 2 points3 points ago

He did! He did say that! That was the comment!

[–]ChronicallyTrollin 508 points509 points ago

Congrats on the first post to make me actually laugh.

[–]Camphash 128 points129 points ago

Agreed, I usually just smile or chuckle. I actually laughed for a good bit at this one!

[–]molliepop351 30 points31 points ago

I thought In was just too tired.

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 63 points64 points ago

We used to just say "lol"

[–]qweswr2 81 points82 points ago

We used to just say "touch me in the penis"

[–]bb23189 28 points29 points ago

[–]rocketshipotter 103 points104 points ago

That was a risky click.

[–]OneSilentE 1 point2 points ago

I am always concerned when someone says something was a risky click, and I realize I didn't hesitate at all to open it.

[–]powerchicken 6 points7 points ago

How to get all the karma on reddit in 4 easy steps:

1: Find a link posted as a reply to a sexually suggestive comment.
2: Say "That was a risky click"
3: ???
4: Profit!

[–]witty_account_name 3 points4 points ago

not sure if docking or sounding

[–]warlockami 2 points3 points ago

I don't get the reference, who is that character/what is it from?

[–]Bryz_ 11 points12 points ago

2003 called. They want your mentality back.

[–]randomsnark 1 point2 points ago

2010 called. They just said "alwp" and then hung up. Fuck those guys.

[–]THE_CENTURION 6 points7 points ago

I cackled quite loudly, I'm sure someone nearby thinks I'm a total freak.

[–]PropMonkey 5 points6 points ago

I remember my first beer.

[–]HawkeyeFan321 1 point2 points ago

That's so funny the last time I heard that I fell off my dinosaur.

[–]Buffalox 1 point2 points ago

That is not a laughing matter. Happened to me too. I watched half the instruction video, and thought I got it. But you really need to watch the entire video.

Warning kids should not try this at home, without parental supervision.

[–]angrypumpkin 41 points42 points ago

I'd like to see a how-to video on getting your dick caught in a ceiling fan. I imagine that'd take some skill.

[–]Sleepy_ 113 points114 points ago

The instructions weren't clear enough. My apple touched the wall.

[–]angrypumpkin 25 points26 points ago

It's a vicious cycle.

[–]iheartbakon 3 points4 points ago

The ceiling fan doesn't actually have to be attached to the ceiling.

[–]TehKrush 27 points28 points ago

Sort of reminds me of this

[–]GaiusSensei 2 points3 points ago

source?

[–]Wulvaine 1 point2 points ago

[–]Good_Guy_Graig 1 point2 points ago

The twelfth plane of torment, two miles away from Michigan, the thirteenth plane.

[–]secondtimer 17 points18 points ago

Teacher here. This is how I interpret the responses I get when I hand back graded exams and ask if anyone has anything they want to go over.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points ago

At at a certain distance you will be exactly half way there, which means theoretically you will keep dividing up the distance and never reach the wall.

PS, this only makes sense when you're high.

[–]BenjaminGeiger 4 points5 points ago

Zeno is [10] guy?

[–]CrazyBastard 9 points10 points ago

ah yes, the achilles and the tortoise argument, those greek mathematicians musta been smokin some heavy doobies

[–]Cross33 2 points3 points ago

Technically no two atoms ever touch each other, so you would never reach the wall anyways.

[–]recursive 3 points4 points ago

Xeno's paradox.

[–]the_penultimate_user 1 point2 points ago

Brother?!?

[–]NFLdoWORK 39 points40 points ago

TIL how to touch a wall with an apple

[–]CertifiedMexican 7 points8 points ago

Will this work if I'm black?

[–]covermeporkns 3 points4 points ago

I always thought that it was common knowledge that you stick the apple in the fan not your dick.

[–]regeya 9 points10 points ago

I gotta start doing stupid shit. Tutorial for The GIMP for selective contrast enhancement? 43 views. Content-aware fill in The Gimp? 73 views. How to touch a wall with an apple? 695,000 views.

Clearly, I need to have my kids throw random objects at my groin, film the results, and post them to Youtube.

EDIT: Please, someone verify that this person did not make $3250 for touching a wall with an apple. :->

[–]safe_plagiarism 2 points3 points ago

Here's the video, no ads so there's no money involved with this one. However, It draws attention to the other, longer videos by this guy that do have ads, so it's, in a sense, helping to ad to the overall view count of the videos that do have ads.

Also, for the record, I don't think there's an official source on how high the eCPM (basically how much a video will make per thousand views, don't recall exactly what it stands for) is for most youtube videos, so there's no accurate way to tell how much it might have made.

I believe the running belief is that it can generally be from 1-2 dollars per thousand impressions, so it would be more like 700-1400 dollars for that video (if this eCPM is correct).

[–]damontoo 1 point2 points ago

Youtube CPM is much higher than that. The number regeya said is probably on the low end. Nobody is supposed to discuss exact numbers or you risk losing your ability to run ads.

[–]Tonamel 1 point2 points ago

I'm pretty sure that videos have to be at least one minute long in order to be monetized.

[–]Dimestoresaint 3 points4 points ago

My favorite comment from that video was " Does the same work with red apples ?"

[–]TheStacySystem 2 points3 points ago

I wonder if this works with any fruit?

[–]MrDoubleE 1 point2 points ago

No its scientifically proven that if you do this with ANY other fruit... The fruit will contract AIDS and shoot juice into your eye, and you will get AIDS of the eyes and die.

[–]st3dav 2 points3 points ago

I'm not responsible for user error.

[–]Widespread_Panic 2 points3 points ago

Mine got stuck in the apple

[–]unseenpuppet 2 points3 points ago

I prefer HowToBasic.

[–]ProbablyADolphin 2 points3 points ago

DAMMIT JOSH YOU HAD ONE JOB

[–]chefman777 2 points3 points ago

Try HowToBasic. I've had trouble opening doors and my cooking skills were subpar till I found that channel. It's a lifesaver.

[–]mikem4a1 2 points3 points ago

Oh wow, he has more of these. And yes, watching them does make you stupider.

[–]SerDelta 2 points3 points ago

That is the funniest post I've ever seen.

[–]Tarento 2 points3 points ago

FAKE. That apple didn't even touch the wall.

[–]SL8Rfan 2 points3 points ago

i just...um...i really don't...i uh...so...uh...wut do i ...WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN? which one of you assholes divided by zero.

[–]pokemonmaster1991 1 point2 points ago

where is i-can-lego-that when you need him.

[–]MrDoubleE 1 point2 points ago

Oh, Youtube...

[–]tjflay 1 point2 points ago

wow I havent laughed that hard

[–]moosilauke18 1 point2 points ago

Try spinning the apple a half turn. It might be easier.

[–]azndragon20 1 point2 points ago

i cant believe that i just went on youtube and watched this..wtf am i doing?

[–]JerosScotland 1 point2 points ago

FAKE!

[–]coolsitess 1 point2 points ago

It was easy to do.

[–]DerpTheSauce 1 point2 points ago

I accidentally do that to myself all the time. Accidents happen.

[–]foofighterfan 1 point2 points ago

I love amazing top comments on youtube videos.

[–]RockChalk19 1 point2 points ago

This thread is pure gold.

[–]stefalicious1981 1 point2 points ago

I was in a bad mood till I saw this! Thanks REDDIT!

[–]InvaderSkoodge 1 point2 points ago

Tangled in foreskin. Please advise.

[–]Hobbicus 1 point2 points ago

This video made me laugh harder than I have in a very long time. I may be retarded.

[–]uniquecannon 1 point2 points ago

Haven't laughed this much at a reddit post before. Golden kudos.

[–]lunfy 1 point2 points ago

Absolutely........GENIUS!

[–]TiznaraN 1 point2 points ago

cracking up right now

[–]Verroot 1 point2 points ago

hahahahahaha now i am horny

[–]Ejdl 1 point2 points ago

"I'm not a clever man."

[–]The13thStep 2 points3 points ago

I actually laughed. This is new...

[–]voteddownward 1 point2 points ago

This is the very first post on my front page... It's going to be a slow day on reddit...

[–]soulknight56 2 points3 points ago

My, that escalated quickly.