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top 200 commentsshow all 314

[–]SPRX97 448 points449 points ago

Too bad she doesn't let anyone score.

[–]toodrunktofuck 101 points102 points ago

The Japanese would like a word.

[–]Lj27 69 points70 points ago

ブロッコリー

[–]toodrunktofuck 25 points26 points ago

..

[–]Lj27 97 points98 points ago

Broccori

[–]ImTheGuyWhoLoveGems 4 points5 points ago

fuck you haha

[–]MnBran6 14 points15 points ago

I don't get it, Taric.

Explain?

[–]K_is_for_Kush 5 points6 points ago

Gems are truly outrageous. Truly, truly, truly... Outrageous.

[–]ImTheGuyWhoLoveGems 1 point2 points ago

Are you guys the same paople that call me taric and that says gems are outrageous? or are you guys different people.

[–]MnBran6 2 points3 points ago

Different, I suppose. I just play LoL

[–]Lj27 17 points18 points ago

[–]ImTheGuyWhoLoveGems 5 points6 points ago

you is right

[–]Pasty_Virgin 30 points31 points ago

[–]PenOrSword 48 points49 points ago

CTRL_ALT_RAPE has the keys to score in any game.

[–]jmurphy42 30 points31 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]CTRL_ALT_RAPE[S] 119 points120 points ago

ಠ◡ಠ

[–]Winnr 1 point2 points ago

After him, Dr. CTRL_Z would have to come in and undo the damage.

[–]call_me_wild 7 points8 points ago

Unless it's a hard fast one.

[–]MeganFoxx 4 points5 points ago

Lies she let some celebrity score after the 2008 gold medal games.

[–]mister11th 16 points17 points ago

She will mostly touch your balls with her hands and feet

[–]teuast 6 points7 points ago

The best part about it is that you can throw yourself at her and she'll catch your balls.

[–]ArtOfSilentWar 8 points9 points ago

BRILLIANT!

[–]just--upvote 70 points71 points ago

[–]Finnegan1441 14 points15 points ago

Wait.... Seriously? This works?

[–]joshuad80 6 points7 points ago

Look at his history. Absolute, irrefutable proof that reddit is a fickle place.

[–]X-Craft 1 point2 points ago

Doesn't mean nobody will.

[–]Wrinklebot 4 points5 points ago

¯_(ツ)_/¯

[–]wodahSShadow 10 points11 points ago

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[–]Wrinklebot 5 points6 points ago

Missed an arm there didn't it? Fuck it.

[–]AngryByte 6 points7 points ago

Editing is hard.

[–]Overly_Analytical 2 points3 points ago

Redditing is hard too.

[–]tacolollipop 12 points13 points ago

Redditing makes me hard too.

[–]I_CAPE_MATS 42 points43 points ago

Best female goalie in the world. AND HER NAME IS FUCKING HOPE SOLO!!! Doesnt get much better than that.

[–]jaydeekay 13 points14 points ago

And she plays for the Seattle Sounders womens' team and the US Women's National Team.

And she's not too bad lookin' either. (NSFW)

[–]I_CAPE_MATS 3 points4 points ago

THANK YOU!

[–]pjh 149 points150 points ago

Too bad she likes going Solo.

[–]tulkas42 92 points93 points ago

We can only Hope she'll change her mind.

[–]HITMAN616 78 points79 points ago

If it were a girl making these puns, I'd have to soccer.

[–]Brentyfresh 44 points45 points ago

I got a kick out of this thread.

[–]fratbrobutnotreally 31 points32 points ago

I'm starting to catch on.

[–]PenOrSword 22 points23 points ago

The quality is starting to slide now.

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points ago

It hurts when the ball hits me in the pussy?

[–]shredster 12 points13 points ago

I'm Ron Burgundy?

[–]Zack9764 18 points19 points ago

Their mind must be offsides.

[–]Zack9764 16 points17 points ago

I think I just saved it.

[–]partisparti 16 points17 points ago

Did you really just comment on your own comment in a pun thread?

Come on, man. Come on.

[–]Zack9764 10 points11 points ago

I'm just that much of a baller.

[–]CautiousSandusky 11 points12 points ago

There should be a penalty for those who ruin this thread.

[–]WarYoshi 8 points9 points ago

It's taking a dive again.

[–]G00DLuck 8 points9 points ago

She won't let that ball internet.

[–]jimmy_the_tulip 6 points7 points ago

Don't think that would stop ctrl_alt_RAPE

[–]PelvisKick 13 points14 points ago

....Big hands I know you're the one....

[–]Gimli_the_Elf 115 points116 points ago

Ha, when I saw 'keeper' I thought you meant that she has desirable qualities, not that she is a soccer goalie!

[–]yxing 44 points45 points ago

When I saw your username I thought you were referring to the dwarf from Lord of the Rings, not an elf!

[–]NoGardE 6 points7 points ago

Art first I thought you were dumb but then I realized that was the joke!

[–]xSARGEx117x 61 points62 points ago

She's a keeper.... Posted by CTRL_ALT_RAPE... You would've kept her anyway. :D

[–]CTRL_ALT_RAPE[S] 105 points106 points ago

ಠ◡ಠ

[–]ASilentShout 36 points37 points ago

That face creeps me the fuck out.

[–]doctaballz 19 points20 points ago

It puts the lotion on its skin

[–]cpp_is_king 8 points9 points ago

And then it eats the fries again.

[–]WarYoshi 4 points5 points ago

I put on my robe and wizard hat.

[–]Wakamezake 1 point2 points ago

Not yet Yoshi, you still have to endure 6 years and then you can call yourself a wizard

[–]WarYoshi 5 points6 points ago

Lost our mouth again have we? Here: ಠ◡_ಠ

I swear you leave it in the most random places.

[–]McBurger 35 points36 points ago

Seriously, could we please stop posting this joke every month? Not to mention that this joke is made by every women's soccer commentator every game?

This list goes on, but my dedication to this comment doesn't

[–]Bamboodpanda 40 points41 points ago

[–]OrganicMeatbag 2 points3 points ago

I was hoping for this.

[–]McBurger 1 point2 points ago

Actually, in my earlier reddit search for keeper, I noticedthis was one was submitted before too :)

I didn't include it because it was at least a clever twist on this joke, as are the numerous beekeeper posts.

[–]Darshington 25 points26 points ago

She can catch my balls any day.

[–]monkeypal 15 points16 points ago

Corner? Hardly even know 'er

[–]X-Craft 6 points7 points ago

She'll probably just kick them back.

[–]fizzlingfireboxes 7 points8 points ago

Shitty repost from a year ago, well done

[–]sqrlaway 3 points4 points ago

Hope Solo is a fucking badass

[–]sumeetsethi 3 points4 points ago

[–]SunnydaleJazzBand 2 points3 points ago

Dem oven mitts.

[–]rmc330 2 points3 points ago

[–]Pwninator 2 points3 points ago

[–]DforDrew 2 points3 points ago

Looks a bit like a dirtier Jennifer Aniston.

[–]inajeep 2 points3 points ago

Is her name Lana?

[–]gmoneygangster3 1 point2 points ago

searched for this was not disappointed

[–]SHv2 3 points4 points ago

So is that the goal in life?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]hipsterkatten 3 points4 points ago

[–]kbosahan 3 points4 points ago

I see what you did there...

[–]red321red321 4 points5 points ago

same...she handles balls very well so she's a keeper

[–]milesd37 5 points6 points ago

but she wont let you get it in...

[–]EbonPinion 3 points4 points ago

Well, not your balls, certainly...

[–]mackdaddyy 1 point2 points ago

Really? i thought there was definitely no Hope in this one.

[–]roboraptor49 1 point2 points ago

I don't get it

[–]da_man_made_of_bread 1 point2 points ago

Double entendres are fun.

[–]mrRico 1 point2 points ago

ok, so i just realized what this meant. she's a goal keeper!

[–]jopope 1 point2 points ago

Good eyes, bro!

[–]Jedditor 1 point2 points ago

Is her name a reference to star wars?

[–]don_vamer 1 point2 points ago

Ok, i'm still waiting for someone to replace the ball with something else and beginning the meme avalanche

[–]Snowboi 1 point2 points ago

Yes, yes she keeps the ball from going into the net.

[–]HatefulImp 1 point2 points ago

This girl is a stock image....

[–]Mac_OS_X_Kitteh 1 point2 points ago

BRING ME SOLO AND A COOKIE

[–]syzergy 1 point2 points ago

upvote because your username is fantastic.

[–]jwillia 1 point2 points ago

I see what you did there...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Hope So

[–]illini81 1 point2 points ago

i'm cracking up. spot on.

[–]Redd_0 1 point2 points ago

I like your name, I wanted it to read CTRL_ALT_REPEAT though

[–]CTRL_ALT_RAPE[S] 1 point2 points ago

That makes no sense.

[–]Redd_0 2 points3 points ago

Yea, I'm having a shitty time in life right now, I just have word-shit sometimes and no longer care to censor myself

[–]Smaktat 1 point2 points ago

Just because there's a goaltender, doesn't mean you can't score.

[–]dontbeastranger 1 point2 points ago

Can someone put mickey most face on this keeper?

[–]jbertho 1 point2 points ago

Looks like she's not letting it in anytime soon.

[–]phuckyouropinion 1 point2 points ago

ah she sure is

[–]Dozamen 1 point2 points ago

[–]taeratrin 1 point2 points ago

She knows how to reject my balls precisely how I like it.

[–]lucky4sav 1 point2 points ago

Upvote because this post sucked me in because of your name.

[–]Jarowh 1 point2 points ago

Looks like an angry and jacked Jennifer Aniston.

[–]tballz3773 1 point2 points ago

Heard on the local sports radio station that she boned Vince Vaughn ... apparently it's in her new book

[–]Metriste 1 point2 points ago

I give several different kinds of upvotes, you get the reluctant one for today.

[–]roni_size_ 1 point2 points ago

oh wow look pun

[–]stormyeleven 1 point2 points ago

she looks like a manly version of sarah chalke (elliot from scrubs)

[–]pbj192 1 point2 points ago

she may be, but I don't know if I could score with her :(

[–]theknowledger 1 point2 points ago

well she does know her way around some balls

[–]C1ayman_1 1 point2 points ago

Came for the picture.

Stayed for the username.

[–]fortunecuki 2 points3 points ago

her face looks like she needs to poop... or cry... I am not sure

[–]CTRL_ALT_RAPE[S] 32 points33 points ago

[–]fortunecuki 3 points4 points ago

Haha you are so right! Nothing makes you feel better than a good poop and a good cry!

[–]WGMindless 6 points7 points ago

It looks like there's a note on the other side of the ball we can't see that says "You're adopted."

[–]fortunecuki 1 point2 points ago

Hahaha or maybe "Santa is not real!"

[–]joshuad80 1 point2 points ago

Both.

Girls can't poop without crying.

[–]NonPermissive 1 point2 points ago

Where would you keep her?

[–]monkeypal 1 point2 points ago

I'd like to see her off side

[–]wiithepiiple 1 point2 points ago

She even has force powers. Look at her levitate that ball. Also, she's obviously been to Disney recently; look at those Mickey gloves.

[–]dropshotGG 3 points4 points ago

She reminds me of Ke$ha

[–]learntofart 3 points4 points ago

Because of her uncanny ability to take balls flying directly towards her face?

[–]SuperPanic 4 points5 points ago

Or the fact that she is literally a keeper

[–]learntofart 1 point2 points ago

Stop ruining the fun, you.

[–]nopunchespulled 2 points3 points ago

Because she keeps her eyes on the balls no matter how fast they come at her face

[–]8306623863 1 point2 points ago

[–]cgspam 1 point2 points ago

Clever title, but your username is pretty uncool. I will abstain from voting.

[–]toafer 1 point2 points ago

shes a real catch

[–]HelenaBeatIt 2 points3 points ago

I will never understand why so many people find her attractive..

[–]ArtOfSilentWar 1 point2 points ago

Cover up her face with your hand, doesnt the lower half look like a man-body?

[–]joshuad80 0 points1 point ago

I'm disappointed that this took me a minute to get.

[–]coolblueflame 0 points1 point ago

The title of this post is accurate.

[–]redgroupclan 0 points1 point ago

I don't get it.

[–]Aaronmcom 0 points1 point ago

Looks like Jennifer Anniston.

She does not even look that amazing.

its a moderately attractive female! oh boy!

[–]sorryjzargo 0 points1 point ago

Haha, I see what you did there!

[–]OptimumForge 0 points1 point ago

Nice username.

[–]SirDigbyChknCaesar 0 points1 point ago

Judging by the gloves, she's also the team mascot.

[–]Profano 0 points1 point ago

You don't Say?

[–]IShakeHaiti 0 points1 point ago

This is probably the ugliest picture of her.

[–]mikelln 0 points1 point ago

I see what you did there...

[–]JamesTrivettesHat 0 points1 point ago

That's a guy.

[–]symbiotics 0 points1 point ago

[–]neferr 0 points1 point ago

Rough times for Jennifer Aniston.

[–]TheWizardChrist 0 points1 point ago

Looks like she takes balls to the face.

[–]sgt0pimienta 0 points1 point ago

i don't get it :P

[–]funkydo 0 points1 point ago

[–]CoyoteStark 0 points1 point ago

I get it!

[–]Dirtpig 0 points1 point ago

Big hands, tiny gloves.

[–]OrigamiTrail 0 points1 point ago

She gives a he'll of a handy

[–]eclipse1022 0 points1 point ago

I see what you did there

[–]Shindigens 0 points1 point ago

Supposed to have small hands to make my peter look bigger.

[–]rob7030 0 points1 point ago

Where's her broom?

[–]71Comet 0 points1 point ago

Dem forearms

[–]big_bub 0 points1 point ago

Jennifer Aniston!?

[–]shabutaru118 0 points1 point ago

Man hands.

[–]munch_the_gunch 0 points1 point ago

She kinda looks like Russel Crowe...

[–]Taymurf 0 points1 point ago

it looks like someone photoshopped brock lesnar's arms onto her body

[–]TangoEliminated 0 points1 point ago

[–]Mother_Fuck 0 points1 point ago

What the...

[–]NewCommenter 0 points1 point ago

This post is a repost

[–]Nova11 1 point2 points ago

The thing that made me laugh was your username.

[–]Precious0rphan 0 points1 point ago

This is a comment.

[–]NinjaTroll471 0 points1 point ago

Relevant name?

[–]standupstanddown 0 points1 point ago

Oh soccer/football jokes, I will be forever left out. Same goes for hockey. I've tried, but man if you don't watch a sport growing up it is hard as hell to get into it later in life.

[–]gamma_greenlifesaver 0 points1 point ago

Why...yes, yes she is.

[–]ShoesDontFit 0 points1 point ago

You got it all wrong, she is obviously a Jedi.

[–]Joco151515 0 points1 point ago

Those gloves should be illegal. Shit, I could goal-tend if you let me wear any gloves I want.

[–]Sokonomi 0 points1 point ago

I love the "balls of steel" focussed look on her. If I were to have a ball flying at my face like that, id be all like...

[–]MyPrivateNation189 0 points1 point ago

It took longer than I'm proud of to get the joke...

[–]bwilliams2119 0 points1 point ago

I thought it was a photoshop at first because her arms are so hairy and manly.

[–]Spiffay 0 points1 point ago

Dem gloves

[–]Christmas_Elvis 0 points1 point ago

And I mean that. Literally.

[–]BBS- 0 points1 point ago

Too bad she takes PED's.

[–]Ryuzaki4x 0 points1 point ago

see what you did there, i did

[–]venkiro 0 points1 point ago

I was concerned at first because of the username

[–]saintless 0 points1 point ago

That took far too long for me to get, I am ashamed.

[–]biurb 0 points1 point ago

that took my entirely too long to get

[–]treetop82 0 points1 point ago

Yay! double the hamburger helper

[–]Just_another_man 0 points1 point ago

Hope Solo is fiiiiiiine.

[–]hairyassandballs 0 points1 point ago

good luck slipping one past that goalie.

[–]KingAssman 0 points1 point ago

I'm just wondering how long it took for you to come up with this.

[–]mahdiakira 0 points1 point ago

Hey, I have those same gloves! Nike Spyne Pros. It's hard to tell in this pic, but so far every pick of her, she's using them.

[–]daxl70 0 points1 point ago

I hope she goes solo

[–]Atheleus 0 points1 point ago

I see what you did there...

[–]MadScientista 0 points1 point ago

I like factual humor.

[–]Mbonomo_15 0 points1 point ago

For a minute I thought this was a Harry Potter reference.

[–]xeonrage 0 points1 point ago

Oh, this again

[–]title_reposter 0 points1 point ago

This Girl is a reposter

[–]bear020215 0 points1 point ago

how?