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Tonight I became the ultimate wing woman, I got my friend laid, when living in a completely different city. (imgur.com)

submitted ago by SalmonLeather

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[–]villa139 129 points130 points ago

Story time OP

OP Will surely delivar......

[–]Vindaver 37 points38 points ago

grabs chips and drink im ready

[–]mikek3 23 points24 points ago

Lemma just pull up this chair, and... shoot.

[–]ShiggityShank 44 points45 points ago

oh man dis gon b gud!

[–]Harley017 42 points43 points ago

I'll join you.

[–]SalmonLeather[S] 27 points28 points ago

Okay so the story. My friend needed to get some action after a bad break up, so she looks to me for help. Even though I live in NYC and she lives in Boston. We grew up together so I have her entire wardrobe memorized. I pick out the perfect outfit and make up and hair style for her. (I'm a fashion designer/former make up artist) I then tell her how to approach the male species when out at a bar. Through pic texts and skyping we find the perfect suitor. (I can not believe I did this to be honest) I literally feed her every line and action she needs to say and do to this guy to get his attention. Like what subjects to talk about and what not, like no politics. I'm sorry if you bring up politics it cuts your chances of getting laid down by half. I even called her to give her a breather so she could step outside and go over the rest of the game plan. And she messaged me when she was done. I woke up this morning to a pic of them. I guess she told him everything this morning and he said Thank You. Sorry its not that interesting. I mean i've gotten my friends laid in much more creative ways. This one just took the most work.

[–]Mentalseppuku 193 points194 points ago

So your female friend got all dolled up and was aggressive in a bar because she wanted sex.

Let me tell you a story. This story is about the Gretzky brothers. They are the greatest pair of siblings to ever play hockey. Together they hold more points than any other siblings, scoring an amazing 2,861 points. Sound pretty good, but in reality Brent Gretzky only scored 4 points while Wayne scored 2,857.

You're Brent Gretzky.

[–]neanderthalman 14 points15 points ago

The numbers check out.

Good job.

[–]Dongface 23 points24 points ago

Although I don't think it was as easy for her friend as you say, this analogy pleases me greatly.

[–]19mine 1 point2 points ago

This made reading everything else here worth it.

[–]Gearishfear 1 point2 points ago

I would like to upvote your post, but at the time of this comment, your upvotes = 99...

[–]SalmonLeather[S] 3 points4 points ago

I actually love the Gretzky brothers. And its more the fact she needed help with the confidence part. I mean I've helped my guy friends out more then my female. But you are correct about the points part I rarely even show up for the game.

[–]swearis 52 points53 points ago

she

Reddit ceased to be impressed halfway through the first line.

[–]JangSaverem 8 points9 points ago

I could have helped this girl out too since she was clearly so aggressive about just having a one night stand after this "bad breakup" (yeah because this ALWAYS helps with the emotional baggage from a break up...to fuck a random person)

Go to bar. Find single guy you find attractive. Initiate sex. Sex.

I hate to say but its damn true. Most guys, especially single alone one at bars, are totaly down for a free fuck. its NOT difficult.

[–]FAP_TO_WESTBORO 0 points1 point ago

I read that and took my upvote back.

[–]Atheistus 32 points33 points ago

if she is even mildly attractive she just had to say she wants to fuck.

[–]CallMeJase 26 points27 points ago

Getting a girl laid is not that difficult.

[–]Piss_Legislator 6 points7 points ago

if your hot and bring up politics it does not cut your chances in half it keeps the chances at 100%

[–]usedtowork 14 points15 points ago

she looks to me for help

lol unless your friend is 400 pounds and retarded with no legs, she doesn't need help getting laid

and even then I'm sure she could find some southie to oblige without too much trouble

[–]FishPilot 1 point2 points ago

I'd still hit it. Don't judge me, you don't know me.

[–]usedtowork 0 points1 point ago

FishPilot

sounds like a southie to me

[–]FishPilot 0 points1 point ago

In MA?

[–]rawbface 11 points12 points ago

Feel free to downvote me, but I don't think this is that great of an accomplishment, on the basis that your friend is a girl. For a guy to get laid he has to be good looking, charming, intelligent, clever, pleasant smelling, and seductive. For a girl to get laid she has to be... present.

[–]JangSaverem 0 points1 point ago

I can easily attest to this. One of the most unattractive ... also quite large 240lb, and doesnt shower much female from my school seems to have had more sex with unique people than I even KNOW people. Know how she does it? Oh wait...you do. She is present and willing and everyone can tell. It PULSES off her.

[–]Exzentriker 0 points1 point ago

So, what I get from that is that you are offering a remote wing woman service? Because that sounds like something really useful.

[–]Rokey76 0 points1 point ago

Sorry, I don't care about politics. It wouldn't keep me out of bed with a girl I would otherwise hook up with.

[–]GreenK 0 points1 point ago

We all need friends like you

[–]JangSaverem 0 points1 point ago

Did you REALLY think the best thing for some one who just got out of a bad break up was to get her fucked by a random stranger? Really? How hard could it possibly have been to get her fucked? Then to top it off "THANK YOU" mmmmm classiest classiest classiest.

[–]munchiselleh 0 points1 point ago

congrats, you did the impossible and got a woman laid

...I could probably get a woman laid while in a coma, a different state is chump change

[–]Harley017 0 points1 point ago

She's a woman, that's like playing tennis with the net down.

[–]eatinghalal 5 points6 points ago

I've got the dip!

grabs dip

[–]Xanthan81 0 points1 point ago

I see the dip, but where are the chips? Or am I looking at him?

[–]CosmicPube 0 points1 point ago

No chips. I brought popcorn.

[–]Spysix 13 points14 points ago

Yeah but this isn't askreddit. Where the stories are made up and the points aren't worth anything.

[–]CosmicPube 0 points1 point ago

That's right the points are like tits on a nun.

[–]SpaghettiPillows 8 points9 points ago

Skeleton.jpg

[–]Past_Your_Faptime 4 points5 points ago

This is your captain speaking, thread's been hijacked.

A and H had been tiptoeing around one another for years, but H had a dickhead boyfriend for ages and A was a bit of a wuss. Another friend of ours had their 21st birthday party in a place right by the sea, and myself and a couple were going to drive down together and stay the night in H's beachhouse.

Hearing that A was joining us, I immediately pull out of coming down - "too much work" I say, knowing what would happen.

Sure enough, they all go to the party, get hopped up on a few drinks, and end up leaving the party to grab some champers from H's place. Her, A, and the couple go hang on the beach and talk about their lives.

A and H eventually split off for a 'walk', during which A gives H right there on the dunes.

TL;DR I got my bud laid by his dream girl by deliberately not attending a party.

[–]wildfyr 0 points1 point ago

good story, but better username. Though I think ive fapped at all hours of the day/night

[–]amalgamatedchaos 0 points1 point ago

6 hours later...

OP surely swings both ways. Surely. continues waiting

[–]dingofarmer2004 2 points3 points ago

STORYTIEM!

EDIT: this is sarcastic.

[–]TheMovingWall 4 points5 points ago

funny, I thought the edit would be for spelling

[–]Severok 7 points8 points ago

I thought an edited post would actually be edited

[–]UkuleleMilo 195 points196 points ago

Is said friend female, or male? this stuff matters... it's much easier to get a girl laid than a guy.

Friend is a girl: "Hey, my friend wants sex." "Is she ugly?" "nice body, decent face" "name the time and place". (90% effective)

Friend is a guy: "Will you possibly hang out with my friend? he's nice" "yeah sure." ~pray to the new gods that she likes him.~ (33% effective)

[–]Canuckfan007 96 points97 points ago

I upvoted because your logic was making sense. But then I had to consider downvoting because you pray to the seven instead of The lord of the light. Still upvoted though.

[–]Igor_the_Kiwi 32 points33 points ago

Do not judge him based on his father's religion!

[–]Canuckfan007 25 points26 points ago

I am not, for I used to pray to the old gods. My time in Braavos showed me the truth.

[–]UkuleleMilo 8 points9 points ago

But how will He see when they have cut down his trees in the cities?

[–]Canuckfan007 10 points11 points ago

The lord of the light sees all, through our flames he knows all. For the night is dark and full of terrors.

[–]UkuleleMilo 6 points7 points ago

confession: I just pirated season 2 and am watching the 2nd episode at this moment. :o

[–]PatAunces 12 points13 points ago

Joffrey kills Dumbledore

[–]UkuleleMilo 6 points7 points ago

NO!

But... but.. but then who will train Neo and Bruce Wayne in the ways of Air Bending?

[–]Canuckfan007 1 point2 points ago

this has to be the my favourite response.

[–]Keightler 5 points6 points ago

Confession: I pirated both seasons because I don't have a TV. I did by all the books though.

[–]UkuleleMilo 0 points1 point ago

I was meaning to say I'm not far along in the show. :o but good on you for reading the books! (or at least buying them). But this is my first time pirating because I was sick of not being in the know about a show so legendary.

[–]W_Shadow -1 points0 points ago

*bying them

[–]fragglestickcar 2 points3 points ago

Stannis is your god now.

[–]feeish 2 points3 points ago

It does not matter who a man prays to for in the end they will always met the Many-Faced God

[–]wafflenators123 2 points3 points ago

There is only one god, the god of death. And there is only one thing we say to the god of death; not today.

[–]Canuckfan007 1 point2 points ago

Just so.

[–]Datastream 1 point2 points ago

I pray to Nine.

[–]Toribor 1 point2 points ago

Talos guide you.

[–]myfaceisaclock 1 point2 points ago

Bugger all your false gods. What is dead may never die!

[–]apostrotastrophe 5 points6 points ago

I question how that would actually go down in reality. I imagine a lot of people who think they'd love to be the guy in that story would feel intimidated/terrified or put off if it wasn't just hypothetical.

[–]UkuleleMilo 3 points4 points ago

This story assumes that the friend is of average attractivity. Also, that both potential lovers are going into said situation with an attitude of normality (both not exceptionally nervous, but not overly confident. much like an average bar approach.) Girls tend to turn down guys more often than guys turn girls down. MUCH more often.

[–]shamecamel 5 points6 points ago

one wonders if it's easier to get laid as a girl rather than as a guy, as when a guy gets laid it's just "awesome, score bro!" or at the worst a "damn, dude!!" and he moves on- though for a girl it's usually a host of drama either positive or negative. I wonder if anyone has ever really stopped to think about that? At least on Reddit?

[–]UkuleleMilo 4 points5 points ago

I will PM you both a speech that I recently gave in a SUPER conservative town in an Oklahoma community college speech intro class, AND an essay for a Comp I class on the same premise. Trust me, I have thought long and hard about it.

[–]LTman86 0 points1 point ago

I'm interested in that speech and essay. Can I get a copy?

[–]UkuleleMilo 0 points1 point ago

Trust me when I say this... These are nothing too special. Just my observations on social oddities in this area. But yeah, I'll sent it. The EXACT message I sent to shamecamel.

[–]Maoky 0 points1 point ago

Could I get the pm too please?

[–]UkuleleMilo 1 point2 points ago

Sure thing! But by no means are these to be marked as great philosophical writings/great literary works of our time. Ye be warned. exact copy on its way.

[–]rorqualmaru 0 points1 point ago

I'm interested in reading that speech and essay as well.

[–]UkuleleMilo 0 points1 point ago

ask and you shall receive. However, I am no genius... I'm just not dumb. I also make weird observations which I write down and ponder. I'd consider myself an odd mix of Sudden Clarity Clairence and Jerry Seinfeld... not not nearly as famous as either. carbon copy shall arrive in your inbox momentarily.

[–]dontshootiamempty 0 points1 point ago

long and hard

[–]missphoenix 15 points16 points ago

Here you are: link

[–]TehBoomBoom 15 points16 points ago

It seems the general feeling of the comments section is storytime or we downvote.

[–]Inofa 9 points10 points ago

I once accidentally got someone laid when living in a completely different city while trying to make sure they didn't get laid.

Not even sure if it's an accomplishment or not.

[–]GotBetterThingsToDo 7 points8 points ago

Achievement Unlocked: Inverse Cockblocker

[–]kablamy 4 points5 points ago

Cock Unlocker?

[–]Inofa 0 points1 point ago

Knowing my luck, it probably turned my gamerscore odd.

[–]Ar71k 29 points30 points ago

Does anyone know how to downvote a post twice?

[–]BLUNTYEYEDFOOL 1 point2 points ago

i downvoted it once but I did it sooo hard, really savagely clicked that fucker.

[–]cmlowe 1 point2 points ago

Open the comments section in a new tab, and downvote it on the page you were on and in the comments section. It's worth a shot....

[–]Ar71k 4 points5 points ago

No luck. Know where I can get some cheap electronics from china?

[–]MDob 0 points1 point ago

I would recommend "the internet". If you can't find any there I would also suggest looking in "stores".

[–]Ar71k 0 points1 point ago

I googled: "The internet" and didn't come up with a site, do you think you could link me?

[–]Doogie-Howser 6 points7 points ago

If NPH is there, I am there!

[–]1stOnRt1 4 points5 points ago

Maybe people dont like the relevant username, but I fucking love it.

[–]Fagtardicus 4 points5 points ago

a woman helping a guy fuck anther woman?

quite an oddity, this

[–]EroSennin78 4 points5 points ago

Girls don't need wing women. The just need to say yes.... :/

[–]MJZMan 0 points1 point ago

Not really, a nod or wink will do just fine.

[–]Bunyungtung 1 point2 points ago

There is no story because OP made it up to rake in the karma.

[–]siemanresuym 1 point2 points ago

Female wing man = 'pivot'

[–]Rogue_Tomato 1 point2 points ago

Why would you have this title and not elaborate?!

[–]Updog03 2 points3 points ago

TIL: Girls need wingwomen

[–]Tehc 1 point2 points ago

You're assuming the wingwoman was for another woman.

[–]Updog03 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, but I now realize how ignorant that comment was and that the wingwoman was most likely for a guy.

[–]Jaybleezie 3 points4 points ago

It's not hard for a woman to get laid..

[–]ForumWarrior 0 points1 point ago

Ive always thought of this line:

It is the perogative of a woman to refuse the advances of men. It is the goal of a man to change her mind.

[–]Fishermang 2 points3 points ago

Well done, here you go http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00404/snf1437a280_404431a.jpg

[–]GLauren 0 points1 point ago

Never high five a rabbi.

[–]EklyM 3 points4 points ago

If you got a guy laid, upvote. If you got a girl laid, downvote. If you don't tell us either, downvote. The choice is yours!

[–]JangSaverem -1 points0 points ago

nph will get the upvotes no matter what. its at 555

[–]buttersnipz 0 points1 point ago

story gogo

[–]JMace 0 points1 point ago

Leaving us hanging here OP!

[–]pwnyoface 0 points1 point ago

shit man, work your magic on me!!

[–]iamstephano 0 points1 point ago

You can't post something like this and not reply to any comments.

[–]NeoCoN7 0 points1 point ago

Explain this sorcery to me...

[–]pspness 0 points1 point ago

Shit, i need you to hang out with me. lol

[–]Monkeysnott 0 points1 point ago

Can you do the same for strangers? Namely me. I haven't gotten laid in over a year and it doesn't look like that will change without some kind of intervention.

[–]keyboardsoldier 0 points1 point ago

i need you to be my wing woman. now.

[–]cor315 0 points1 point ago

How the fuck could you post that and not expect everyone to want a follow-up story. This is torture.

[–]YamoB 0 points1 point ago

I got the benefit of my best friends girlfriend wingmanning for me about a week ago. It's been the best week of my life.

[–]Leandrensen 0 points1 point ago

Tell me your story OP. Then you can have my karma.

[–]Crinos_X 0 points1 point ago

This deserves more than a high five....a high six!!

[–]DroppaMaPants 0 points1 point ago

You suck. YOU SUUCCKKKK

[–]TheUltimatePoet 0 points1 point ago

You mean you are whoring out your friends? :p

[–]Sluurp 0 points1 point ago

yea i can hire a protestute as well.

[–]ProfessorCaptain 0 points1 point ago

If you're bragging about getting a female friend laid....you can just stop bragging.

If it was a dude, bravo!

[–]dandello 0 points1 point ago

But....she is a women, how does she need anyone's help in getting laid?

[–]kameelyan 0 points1 point ago

I wing women is also known as a "pivot".

[–]Suckmydongha 0 points1 point ago

Telephones are truly a wonder arent they

[–]krogith 0 points1 point ago

not to be a downer or anything, and this is just from a male point of view mind you, but I always though it was easier for women to get laid then for men since women don't have to worry about being accused of rape or anything like that.

[–]deadlybydsgn 0 points1 point ago

Random hookups are all fun & games until you hook up with an STI.

[–]moofdivr 0 points1 point ago

Here's what I was originally doing when I upvoted you.

And here's what I was doing when I changed it to a downvote after learning your friend was a girl.

[–]DRagon5508 0 points1 point ago

It's wing-MAN. NOT wing-LADY.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4e0xr8I2k1rvfns3o3_400.jpg

[–]TheMagicHorsey 0 points1 point ago

"Tonight I took credit for my friend getting laid in a completely different city."

[–]Phylumook 0 points1 point ago

Wow this is probably the biggest accomplishment I've ever read

[–]fuser_ 0 points1 point ago

Bring it on!

[–]MarneusB 0 points1 point ago

o/\o

There's your high five. Nice job. Now hook me up with someone. =P

[–]lesser_panjandrum 2 points3 points ago

   /\
  /  \
o/    \o

He requested the highest of fives, damn it!

[–]geekchic -1 points0 points ago

So basically you whored out your friend?

[–][deleted] -5 points-4 points ago

Wait. What? I just... don't understand your logic here.

Let's break this down: You got your friend laid by being a wingman.

Okay. That checks out

You got your friend laid by being a wingman when living in a completely different city.

So, you drove to a different city and wing-womaned? Or did you wing woman while texting? Or perhaps you moved to a different city and wing-womaned a new friend?

Must. Improve. Grammatical. Skills

[–]UkuleleMilo -1 points0 points ago

I imagine it went something like this (this is a story of how my mom got these 2 people married with name changes to mom = OP, buddy, and lover) :

conversation(s) over skype/phone

OP- "So, you're a nice guy/girl who is mature enough for a functioning relationship... but you can't meet anyone lone wolf?"

Buddy- "Yeah... that sounds about right -sigh- I wish somebody loved me. "

OP- "SUIT UP!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OP- "Heeeey maaan/guuurl... whatcha been up to?"

Lover- "Just watching 500 days of summer/braveheart (fact: men watch braveheart when they're lonely, not lonely, horny, not horny, or hungry. But men are always hungry... except when braveheart's on. we aren't so hungry then).

OP- "so, there's this nice person whom I know personally and is awesome... and is in your area. -winkwinknudgenudge-"

Lover- "Sure! I mean... I'm only watching 500 days of summer/Braveheart because I'm lonely/lonely and hungry.

OP- "555-555-5555"

Lover- " '<3' or 'K' " (<3 if Lover is male, 'K' if female. I'm not stupid, I know how gender texting goes.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lover- "here's a pick of my boobs/penis"

Buddy- "we shall make the bond, because we have chosen each other... I will meet you under the great tree of memories."

Lover&Buddy- "grunt, grunt, pant, pant, oh God yes, yes, yes, yes" ect... eventually "EXPECTO PATRONUM!" from the wielder of the wand.

Lover&Buddy- cuddle until morning.

Lover: "That'll be tree fiddy"

The end.

note: I wrote this along the lines that Buddy could be either a male OR female, and the script would be altered accordingly. However, if Buddy is gay the script would be "Hey, stall sex?" "yeah." "grunt grunt pant pant... expecto patronum... wait. you know OP, right? cool." -the end.

[–]Biased4ever -3 points-2 points ago

Holy shit Im watching that episode right now!!! I just got so excited lol he needs the high five got his 200th!!!

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