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1673
1674

One day we will all be Santa. (imgur.com)

submitted ago by Nemosaurus

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[–]TaxCunts 62 points63 points ago

unless you have a vagina.

[–]bhermit 24 points25 points ago

Menopause.

[–]roflocalypselol 5 points6 points ago

Mrs. Claus

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]greenroom628 0 points1 point ago

but i imagine asian santa to be more like this. more badass than white santa, i think.

[–]redditisnotevolving 13 points14 points ago

Maybe your vagina will look like Santa...?

[–]random314 15 points16 points ago

I found this comment to be really funny at first, then I thought about it and it got really gross.

[–]jettrscga 6 points7 points ago

And then it got arousing? No? Just me? Shit.

[–]shannontara 1 point2 points ago

He is a master at getting into tight places.

[–]ANDYHAWES93 1 point2 points ago

Mrs. Santa Claus.

[–]vivvav 0 points1 point ago

ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE A VAGINA.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]montysaurus 26 points27 points ago

dust yourself off, you made a terrible comment, but you can try again!

[–]jblue68 2 points3 points ago

My father looked like Santa for the last 20 years of his life. Once when he and my mother were shopping, they kept seeing this little girl. She was sitting in the cart and everytime they went by she would stare at my dad. They end up behind her in line and she is still staring at him. Finally, as her mom is about to push the cart away, she says quietly "Hi Santa".

[–]sylver_dragon 2 points3 points ago

My father played this up at a local restaurant. My father pretty much looked like the Norman Rockwell Santa stepped out of a painting and in civilian clothes. During the winter, he would intentionally let his beard get a bit longer and then wear a red Santa hat.
He and my mother would usually go to this restaurant during the Sunday breakfast rush and kids would be eyeballing him the whole time. So, he would ask the waitress (or owner, which ever was convenient) to get permission and the child's name from the parents. Then, he would walk over, look at the kid and ask, "insert name, have you been good this year. I'm making my list." Smile and walk off.
Fortunately (for him, not the act) my father has been losing weight; so, the effect is not quite as good as it used to be.

[–]awesome-face 1 point2 points ago

That made me warm and fuzzy inside.

[–]darkside17 12 points13 points ago

Attention half of reddit! Don't believe #3! Santa is real! It's okay! Ask your mommy and daddy! This post must fail for all the 10 year olds on here!

[–]lewistheplayer 8 points9 points ago

If there are 10 year olds on reddit then god help them. I would much rather have a 10 year old lose Santa than find /r/spacedicks [NSFW] (unless your name is AriBBC he doesnt need people to fallow the rules)

[–]AriBBCP 4 points5 points ago

there's "dicks" in the title of the subreddit, no fucking shit it's going to be nsfw

[–]Ell975 11 points12 points ago

It could be about people called Richard who have been to space.

[–]AlwaysDefenestrated 2 points3 points ago

No, that's /r/GalacticRichards

[–]Ell975 1 point2 points ago

I wan't you to make that subreddit right now, otherwise I will throw you out of the window!

[–]MaxFactory 1 point2 points ago

God dammit I got so excited.

[–]redbef 1 point2 points ago

Isn't 10 a bit old for still believing in Santa?

[–]myobviousplans 4 points5 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/xVYiw.jpg

[–]Koryoshi 12 points13 points ago

There isn't any way to look like Santa when you're not white.

[–]DarbyBartholomew 42 points43 points ago

What?

[–]fswmacguy 2 points3 points ago

Relevant Dave Chappelle

[–]C_T_C_C 2 points3 points ago

What about the females out there?

[–]Miserlou57 3 points4 points ago

AP Gov, Taft High School, one unparalleled class of cheaters

[–]NINJADOG 0 points1 point ago

Its not that we were so slick, the teachers just didn't care. I remember Gibbons class. We had the most studious kid sit in the back of the column and whisper the answers all the way forward.

Or there was that English class where we would pass around a cheat sheet only filling in the answers we were sure of. Everybody got A's.

[–]Zee_n1 10 points11 points ago

Because everyone on reddit is a white male.

[–]Anna_Mosity 0 points1 point ago

Santa isn't necessarily white.

"IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT MY PARENTS OWN THE WORLD'S LARGEST COLLECTION OF BLACK SANTAS." - Paper Towns, John Green

[–]themuffins -1 points0 points ago

and is interested in breeding

[–]h4n0 1 point2 points ago

But I'm Asian =(.

[–]rjung 0 points1 point ago

So?

[–]h4n0 1 point2 points ago

Asians can be Santa now? Awesome?

[–]rjung 1 point2 points ago

The Laughing Buddha was the original Santa. :)

[–]jerenept 2 points3 points ago

Hmmmm, is there a black santa?

[–]Z0bie 0 points1 point ago

Kwanza.

[–]krisinho 0 points1 point ago

Is this Dave Winer?

[–]BJKInonu 0 points1 point ago

i cant grow a beard:(

[–]AbortusLuciferum 0 points1 point ago

For a second there I thought this was an r/atheism post. I was relieved to find out it wasn't.

[–]Italian_Barrel_Roll 0 points1 point ago

Looks like I'm skipping the odd numbered steps.

[–]TypicalHaikuResponse 0 points1 point ago

What? No one else thinks rules 3 and 4 are out of order?

[–]McBurger 0 points1 point ago

Guys, slash isnt real. He's just our parents in costumes.

[–]Soel 0 points1 point ago

2 and 4 check

[–]Jadaba 0 points1 point ago

shit. lets be santa

[–]TheAwesomeLlama 0 points1 point ago

I'm working on my beard right now. It's kind of difficult because I'm a girl :( maybe I will be Mrs. Claus instead.

[–]vu0tran 0 points1 point ago

Shouldn't 3 and 4 be reversed?

[–]slackassradio 0 points1 point ago

SPOILER ALERT!!

[–]greybro 0 points1 point ago

What if you're Jewish?

[–]Nicoleness 0 points1 point ago

Well, if we don't die before we get old. Also, vaginas.

[–]doctorwhore 0 points1 point ago

Gibdawg!

[–]at1stsite 0 points1 point ago

I love how jolly he is about being Santa.

[–]Raxony 0 points1 point ago

so we are santa before we look like him?

[–]killhard38 0 points1 point ago

umm last time I checked santa isn't brown, but who am I to argue with such logic, can't wait to get fat, and turn white.

[–]zane2967 2 points3 points ago

worked for sinbad and sammy sosa.

[–]joshgroover -3 points-2 points ago

What he means by " you are Santa" is that when, you have kids, you become santa you are the one giving your kids gift. So therefore you are Santa.

[–]themuffins 4 points5 points ago

having kids should be an "if" not a "when".

[–]I_slacrbme_wdros -1 points0 points ago

Anyone else read this as one day we will all be satan.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]onemoreclick 12 points13 points ago

Why are you explaining this? Who do you think doesn't understand?

[–]Harold_Grundelson -2 points-1 points ago

Thousands of years ago, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Sir Santa of Claus: an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of dino-bone and his own waste, hurling them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so-called "toys" were buried as witches, and defecated upon, and hurled at predators who were awoken by the searing grunts of the children. It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year; for many were killed!

[–]duckman273 -1 points0 points ago

Hah not me, I'm black.

[–]dazonkey -1 points0 points ago

Repost....

[–]wtf81 -3 points-2 points ago

step 5: molest children?

[–]GuessWho_O -2 points-1 points ago

Anything you can do to get closer to children right? Asshole.

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