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647
648

So I just saw the Octomom masturbation video. (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by Squeaky_Is_Evil

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[–]Aspel 22 points23 points ago

Skipping around, it wasn't that bad. I figured I'd watch it, jack off even though it's the middle of the day, whatever. Not really much actual masturbation so much as her feeling herself up with her tits out in weird locations.

Then at about 18 minutes in there's a ridiculous interlude of her in a nightie doing housework in the kitchen, making breakfast and ironing clothes. That was my favorite part, and it was the bit that actually felt real instead of stupid porno sensual face making crap. It was the only part of the video that felt like it had any sort of heart, because we've all danced around to music while making breakfast and doing chores, and it made me laugh a good bit. Unfortunately, it also made me lose my erection, because as lovely as she is in the nightie for someone of her age, and how nice it is to see something in a porno that doesn't feel completely hollow, it also wasn't all that sexy, and I lost my erection, so now I'm just sitting here on my bed with my pants around my ankles reviewing a porno. I can't really watch the rest, and I'm not sure at this point whether I should try to jack off or not...

[–]SirRosie 8 points9 points ago

I think you need a simpler porno.

[–]Aspel 1 point2 points ago

Yup. Just went to imagefap.

[–]rocksolid142 0 points1 point ago

Poor guy.

[–]Aspel 1 point2 points ago

I know. I really wish there was somewhere better. All I want is captioned pictures of passable crossdressers. Instead it's a bunch of ugly people and really racist cuckolding stuff.

But I'm also too lazy to look for something else.

[–]Mamy2237 13 points14 points ago

Why is it scary? Am I missing something?

[–]Blue_Bagels 32 points33 points ago

Yeah I don't either. I thought her box was pretty nice considering the traffic going through there rivals the Lincoln tunnel.

[–]Mamy2237 3 points4 points ago

It is nice. But the video was really boring.

[–]Blue_Bagels 8 points9 points ago

Yeah I'm not into solo girls unless I have a thing for the girl in it. And the lips on her face are the ones that bother me.

[–]Zeppelanoid 1 point2 points ago

Seth: Besides, have you ever seen a vagina by itself?

Evan: No.

Seth: [shakes his head] Not for me.

[–]DomoInMySoup 1 point2 points ago

What, you're telling me the part where she was cooking AND ironing at the same time didn't spark your interest?

Me neither.

[–]cadet999 0 points1 point ago

That was the sexiest part imo.

[–]Lawlliipop 2 points3 points ago

Didn't she get a c-section though?

[–]Dyrty 0 points1 point ago

ZING!

[–]kruegermiester 40 points41 points ago

You are welcome.

http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=1388146748

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

Not bad, I was erect within a minute.

[–]TheAthiestOfAtheists 0 points1 point ago

It takes you a minute?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

No, I get an erection instantaneously, in the first minute of watching it I had this reaction.

[–]Alcranky 6 points7 points ago

And the award for Weirdest Boner goes to...!

[–]copyandpasta 2 points3 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/ThATd.gif

[–]cadet999 4 points5 points ago

Was that a music video or a porno? This is the first sexual video where i enjoyed the music more than the woman.

[–]mattman41 3 points4 points ago

Exactly what I came here for. Thank you sir.

[–]driftsc 2 points3 points ago

i can't believe i paused my STEAM download for that.

[–]ABentSp00n 4 points5 points ago

The "open link in incognito window" button is the coolest thing since sliced bread.

[–]Hefeweize 4 points5 points ago

No thanks... Cannot Unsee

[–]cheesefalcon 2 points3 points ago

Any summary. I dare not watch.

[–]DangerousDetlef 6 points7 points ago

I've been on the interwebz for a while now and definitly have seen worst.

[–]ktotheooter 2 points3 points ago

What's going on at 19:20? That is one weird octomom.

[–]SirRosie 2 points3 points ago

The good stuff starts about nineteen minutes in.

[–]Harimasu-ita 1 point2 points ago

No, wait! There is the funniest moaning ever at 15:30!

Edit: Holy tacos, I just understood why the moaning is nothing compared to everything from 19:00 o_o

[–]treyhaha12 9 points10 points ago

Really wanna see that now. Link?

[–]blink0r 2 points3 points ago

I just watched it, too

[–]filladellfea 8 points9 points ago

It's not the video, but for now...

[–]summerofevidence 22 points23 points ago

Eh, it's not so bad. I mean, I was expecting something a lot worse for a mom with 14 kids. The visual equivalent of throwing a hotdog down a hallway.

[–]Big_Oil 6 points7 points ago

Fairly sure they were all delivered via C-section.

[–]summerofevidence 4 points5 points ago

Wait wait wait, I take that back. I just watched the actual video. This GIF is appropriate.

[–]filladellfea 4 points5 points ago

I just watched it - pretty bizarre and awkward.

[–]CinnamonBunsII 5 points6 points ago

Oh come on, it's not that bad.

[–]Primital 4 points5 points ago

Am I way off for saying I think it looks like she was once a man? That vagina is freakishly small and surgically-made looking...

[–]BeeAmoreDarling 7 points8 points ago

If she was once a man, she wouldn't be able to have any kids, let alone 14 of them.

[–]Primital 1 point2 points ago

Well, something happened to that.. thing that shouldn't have happened.

[–]BeeAmoreDarling 2 points3 points ago

It's possible that once she had her stupid amount of kids, that she had her vagina worked on to be small again. A lot of women do this after having a kid, but it's usually for husbands or boyfriends, etc.

Info here. (Don't click unless you want centerforvaginalsurgery in your history.)

[–]SirSprinkles 0 points1 point ago

Poor kids, wonder if they ever seen their mom in action...

[–]thisguy_here 10 points11 points ago

She has an amazing body considering she had 14 KIDS but those lips... yeah, no....

I hope this doesn't hurt her children's future.

[–]Kairu927 1 point2 points ago

She has an amazing body considering she had 14 KIDS

Plastic surgery is great.

[–]CalgaryJoe 13 points14 points ago

I feel octo-shame.

[–]sailingonward 17 points18 points ago

If people didn't know who she was, people would fall head over heels for her. OP is overreacting just to get a response.

[–]SirRosie 5 points6 points ago

I would hit that until my life was ruined.

[–]cadet999 5 points6 points ago

Wouldnt take long.

[–]bumblebeesscareme 6 points7 points ago

Phone call... "Missed my period" she says. "Oh shit", you reply. "Bitch is old now though, maybe she misses them naturally", you think not fully understanding the female menstruation system. "I'm pregnant", she says in a second phone call, after she has consulted with the doctor. "I've got this", you say confidently. 38 weeks later you're in hospital. She pushes, you support her, and you have your firstborn child. You look into her eyes, and knew it was worth it. The doctor says he has a surprise. He opens his doctor's coat with another 7 babies, each in it's own pocket of the coat. "Suprise!" he announces.

[–]rockytheboxer 1 point2 points ago

Your Doctor's name? Julius Hibbert.

[–]Squeaky_Is_Evil[S] 13 points14 points ago

Pretty much.

[–]veroniqueb 7 points8 points ago

ill raise you http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lf74omW3Kp1qccvlc.gif

[–]Squeaky_Is_Evil[S] 12 points13 points ago

Well I honestly did laugh at first at her trying to be erotic. It was pathetic. Then the close up shot came...and I didn't.

[–]ihopeitsworthit 4 points5 points ago

it doesn't look right at all.

[–]turkturk11 3 points4 points ago

Yup

[–]DrDooneStruts 0 points1 point ago

precious

[–]C_M_O_TDibbler 2 points3 points ago

I am guessing it looks like this

[–]riddy-g 0 points1 point ago

The Duck-Lip Queen

[–]RockULikeAHurricane 1 point2 points ago

Sorry people, I am new to this OctomUm (British Redditor) phenomenon: 1. Is she famous just cause she has 8 kids? 2. Was she always in porn?

Cheers peps!

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

Yes. No.

[–]hotoatmeal 11 points12 points ago

... maybe. I don't know. Can you repeat the question?

[–]holyshitomg 7 points8 points ago

You're not the boss of me now!

[–]redbeardo 2 points3 points ago

You're not the boss of me now!

[–]crichton101 -3 points-2 points ago

Yes I am, it says so right on here on my door just under my mine.

[–]Drachri93 2 points3 points ago

WOOSH

[–]sailingonward 4 points5 points ago

She had 8 eggs artificially inserted into her over time, so she was pregnant with 8 kids at once. It was dangerous for her and the kids, and the doctor who performed the egg insertions lost his license.

She lived on welfare and was jobless. Probably still is, if she's doing porn.

She has had lip enhancement surgery for her mouth, which caused an uproar because of frivolous spending for someone on welfare.

[–]RockULikeAHurricane 1 point2 points ago

ha! wait... her vagina looks rather intact for someone who spurted out 8 kids... In the UK we have an equivalent... its called Jordan.. but yours sounds a bit crazier...

[–]jadeddemon 1 point2 points ago

I fucking hate Jordan... She was hot back in the day as Katie Price, pre any work... My mum buys all her books.. I didnt even rub one off over her porn

[–]likeBruceSpringsteen 1 point2 points ago

Not just 8 kids. She had Octuplets. And no, she had some crappy reality show, and then got into porn after.

[–]RockULikeAHurricane 0 points1 point ago

Sounds like the natural progression of a failed reality TV show star! she isn't even nice looking...

[–]likeBruceSpringsteen 1 point2 points ago

I read that in the voice of the BBC Life guy. Describing the life cycle of the female reality series actress.

[–]epic_narwhal64 1 point2 points ago

  1. She had octuplets. She actually has more children.
  2. I don't have an answer. I don't think so.

[–]sailingonward 0 points1 point ago

She had the kids a few years ago.

The porn is a new thing. She got offers to do porn when she became famous for being pregnant with 8 kids at once, but turned the offers down at first. But it was rumored that she would eventually give in because she can't get money any other way.

[–]notlikely3 1 point2 points ago

She also had six children before the octuplets. (septuplets?)

[–]Sommiel 2 points3 points ago

Sextuplets.

[–]AssFromThePast 1 point2 points ago

HA HA SEX

[–]notlikely3 0 points1 point ago

Thanks! Sep is 7?

[–]Sommiel 0 points1 point ago

Yep!

[–]madamthefifth 1 point2 points ago

why...

[–]Lecks 0 points1 point ago

I had forgotten about this, life was good.

/sigh

Off to google I go.

[–]steppinraz0r 1 point2 points ago

She has a pretty rocking body considering the amount of baby destruction that has been wreaked on that thing.

[–]Sokonomi 0 points1 point ago

All this fuss about some chick that had 8 kids and still has a rockin body? Seriously Reddit, low tide at newstown?

[–]joposh 0 points1 point ago

That's what I did when I went on spacedicks

[–]Harimasu-ita 1 point2 points ago

I'm so confused... I don't have a penis, but I think it is safe to assume that video is the definition of a "Boner rollercoaster".

[–]Nelt8 1 point2 points ago

Ok guys, i see the video in fast foward... but i think a don't see what the fuck u r scary about ? anyone can says to me .. what is wrong with this video... sry for the bad english, i'm french.. ty

[–]Matt1988 0 points1 point ago

I think she may have given herself a liitle too much credit judging by gbe size of her "toy"

[–]giverofnofucks 0 points1 point ago

Weird, suddenly I feel like driving from downtown Manhattan into Jersey.

[–]Xscream4meX 1 point2 points ago

Fearection.

[–]gatsbygirl93 0 points1 point ago

worst porn i think i have ever seen.

[–]wangofjenus 0 points1 point ago

woman in her 30's masturbating on camera for money? i'm ok with this. i think the fact that she doesn't really want to do it turns me on more. and besides, i've beaten it to weirder things.

[–]ArsenicAcid 0 points1 point ago

I haven't seen every vagina in the world, so I can't claim to be an expert on this... but there is something horribly horribly wrong with hers. Maybe it's the camera angle, but it almost looks like it comes right out the front of her pelvis.

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