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top 200 commentsshow all 298

[–]howisthismylife 423 points424 points ago

[–]red321red321 97 points98 points ago

just watching this makes my penis feel good

[–]jessicatron 35 points36 points ago

Yeah, lots of women are. Guys, don't worry- lots of girls give a shit about it and lots of women will blame themselves if it doesn't work out. Some bitches be trippin.

[–]JKR93 18 points19 points ago

Note taken: THEY DON'T LIKE IT IN THEIR HAIR

[–]Darwinist 7 points8 points ago

Or eye... js

[–]MrConfucius 1 point2 points ago

Apparently it burns with eye contact. So gonna be sure to avoid the eyes, that's just mean.

[–]stickymonkey 2 points3 points ago

burns like hell.

[–]MrConfucius 1 point2 points ago

D: Sorry on behalf of the men who made you realize that

[–]Siethron 1 point2 points ago

Or on their teddy bears.

[–]tastesliketurtles 8 points9 points ago

Yeah, one time I had whiskey dick and this chick blamed herself for weeks.

[–]jessicatron 7 points8 points ago

Yeah, whiskey dick is the bane of everyone's existence.

[–]Tase_Me_Bro 119 points120 points ago

My guess is that it's because you actually respect your partners and take some satisfaction in treating them the way you would like to be treated. While OP appears to be a selfish ass.

[–]godless_communism 37 points38 points ago

Good, good... let the butthurt flow through you.

[–]sinfulcolors[S] 165 points166 points ago

Oh come on now, the post is a joke meant to be funny. I love pleasing my boyfriend.

[–]terrih 27 points28 points ago

I find this funny, on reddit girls aren't allowed to be funny. They're not allowed to be anything without being scrutinised.

[–]danrk 1 point2 points ago

Except on gonewild, we love the boobies.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

unless you look like you might be fat, which is apparently the most disgusting thing ever to some people.

[–]WeaverXIII 1 point2 points ago

I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies.

[–]encie9991 0 points1 point ago

Thank you for acknowledging this.

[–]jwords -1 points0 points ago

Oh, get off of it... had a guy posted something similar "How I feel like getting a girl off... blase, dude, its like whatever.gif" he'd have been hate-threaded into oblivion and you know it.

Reddit would have been all like "I LOVE getting women off, ur ghey!" or "guess you're not doing it right, non-maco-guy" or "that's because she's not good at faking it--implying that you, sir, can't please no woman!"

Stop White-goddamn-knighting.

[–]deadendcruiser 109 points110 points ago

You've made the fatal mistake of admitting you're female on the internet. No matter how many times you explain that it's a joke, that you enjoying pleasing your man, butt hurt boys on reddit will downvote you. You could probably even do an AMA with your boyfriend explaining all the unselfish and satisfying things you do but it won't matter because you admitted that you're female.

[–]nsfwnsfwnsfwnsfw 120 points121 points ago

You've made the fatal mistake of admitting you're female on the internet.

Admitting that you are female isn't all bad. For instance, you could post a cute picture of yourself and get a bunch of Internet points for it.

[–]SirSandGoblin 82 points83 points ago

you are one creepy motherfucker

[–]bloodfail 46 points47 points ago

slowclap

Check. Fucking. Mate

[–]originalone 17 points18 points ago

Yeah! That'll show the cute girl with a sense of humor not to hang out with us and joke around.

[–]mustfndnewname 3 points4 points ago

I know you!! HAHA

[–]dinimer 0 points1 point ago

that'stheinternet.jpg

[–]shamoni -3 points-2 points ago

So a female who got points for posting her face says people hate women on the Internet?

[–]tedstyle 21 points22 points ago

yeah cuz girls have it so easy making us orgasm. SRSLY. well for the first 6 months.

And then after that, thats when WE get the power! haha

relevant

[–]wisewizard 10 points11 points ago

Goddamn i love Jim Jefferies. my favorite bit from Alcoholocaust fair warning Aussie humor and the word c*nt ahead, proceed with sense of humor.

[–]thuarr 1 point2 points ago

The first thing that came to my mind! Jim Jefferies is such a boss, I really want him to make a new show!

[–]deadendcruiser 0 points1 point ago

Wat.

[–]tedstyle 0 points1 point ago

nevermind, I was combining replies from the OP and hers and yours.

[–]kirkoswald 0 points1 point ago

ahahha i ended up watching like an hour of his stand up on youtube! thanks for that

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Cheddarwurst 0 points1 point ago

Bummer he's gone, that dude was fucking funny.

[–]Tase_Me_Bro -1 points0 points ago

The comment I responded to was also by a female. It actually has nothing to do with gender, it has to do with caring about the feelings of the person you're with. Selfish people come in all shapes, sizes, orientations, and colors. As do gender/race baiters who like to derail conversations with unrelated hyperbole and bullshit.

[–]SaltyBabe 2 points3 points ago

Or the comment you responded to got the joke but knew it was a great time to make a different joke that could pander to reddit's lowly masses of forever alones and neck beards. It has to do with the karma.

[–]SirSandGoblin 0 points1 point ago

SHE IS A TOTAL MISANDRIST FIGHT THE POWER

[–]RoshanK 0 points1 point ago

Before you downvote her, look further down the thread and you will find the reason why she posted this.

[–]publius4 0 points1 point ago

She's not getting downvoted for being a female.

Imagine a male said something to the effect of "I don't care about pleasing my partner". We'd call him an asshole. Same for women.

[–]Jeroknite 4 points5 points ago

Really though, this post does seem a little mean.

[–]feefiefofum 0 points1 point ago

You seem pretty meh about it in that gif of you that is totally you

[–]Valendr0s 10 points11 points ago

Oh comon, lets be honest here... How many times a week does a guy orgasm? How many times in a sexual encounter?

Making a guy orgasm is easy as hell. Honestly I don't even care if I go - if I make my woman go it's like I just finished a marathon.

[–]gettemSteveDave 1 point2 points ago

FYI, This is what a man wants in his life.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

... and you just mended them.

[–]MidnightThunderBoy64 0 points1 point ago

Please. The upvotes. They are mighty.

[–]RetroZombie 0 points1 point ago

I like you. Op is mean.

[–]cellardoor1885 63 points64 points ago

Today we read from the book of Dante. Lo, Dante said unto his girl, "when a girl makes a guy cum, it's natural. When a guy makes a girl cum, that's talent."

[–]bobslidell 23 points24 points ago

37 Dicks

[–]panama_dave 20 points21 points ago

I'M 37?

[–]Wolfosaurus 22 points23 points ago

Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!

[–]bdubaya 5 points6 points ago

Hey get back here

[–]emopinata 0 points1 point ago

Hey, what happened to all the Gatorade?

[–]boodabomb 0 points1 point ago

Anyone listen to punchline?

[–]matchstiq 18 points19 points ago

In a row?!

[–]belleberstinge 0 points1 point ago

Ah, true, but Beatrice did so make Dante cum through Hell and High Heaven. Well, that other Dante. That's talent.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

So confused by the mixing of Dante and biblical language.

[–]AaronTheRipper 43 points44 points ago

Her face makes me happy.

[–]Gotsubo 25 points26 points ago

Her face makes everyone happy

[–]red321red321 19 points20 points ago

her face makes my pee pee happy

[–]TheLastMuse 138 points139 points ago

Kind of funny to see the gender difference here.

It seems like a majority of heterosexual males care a great deal about/obsess over pleasing their partner. I personally think it's because of the opposite scenarios double standard:

If a guy can't orgasm, it's his fault. If a girl can't orgasm, it's his fault.

[–]red321red321 102 points103 points ago

dudes got it real hard in the sack

hard cock life yo

[–]2yrnx1lc2zkp77kp 68 points69 points ago

it's the price we pay for not having organs that bleed every month.

Personally i'm grateful.

[–]Spacktardius 44 points45 points ago

Just had a major bro moment there

[–]Nerdsapien 28 points29 points ago

Bro fists all around

[–]callumgg 9 points10 points ago

Yeah, I'm good with the trade-off.

[–]aesamattki 2 points3 points ago

My dad always told me "never trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die."

[–]Bejita463 3 points4 points ago

No, Mr. Garrison told you that.

[–]aesamattki 6 points7 points ago

Mr. Garrison is my father.

[–]bhous3 5 points6 points ago

"hard cock life" is probably the funniest thing I'll hear all year.

[–]tastypoopies 1 point2 points ago

I hope 'HCL' replaces YOLO.

[–]Artuir 3 points4 points ago

There's a swag joke in here somewhere.

[–]electroncaptcha 5 points6 points ago

[–]AskMeAboutUnicorns 1 point2 points ago

Not really.

[–]Mamamilk 13 points14 points ago

I care about it because the high point of sex is making a girl lose her mind (temporarily) from sheer pleasure, it has nothing to do with self validation. Feels good man.

[–]Vivaciousqt 13 points14 points ago

Please don't judge the entire female population over one sarcastic moron.

Thank you.

Edit: Accidentally a word.

[–]DoctorPotatoe 17 points18 points ago

Female race

ಠ_ಠ

[–]Vivaciousqt 2 points3 points ago

Oops ._. Haha, i should change that. Didn't even notice.

[–]epatti0914 6 points7 points ago

I've had to deal with this more than you know. I have never had a problem making a girl finish but the fucking second I tell them they are in for a challenge in making me finish, it's like a turn off for them. "I don't understand why I have to work to make you have an orgasm," is a simplified, paraphrased version of what I hear. Yet if I can't make you finish, it's my fault. Be grateful I'm not a goddam minute man and that I actually bust my ass... don't get pissy at me because you couldn't get me off. How is that my fault?

[–]awesomeninja99 4 points5 points ago

Agreed on the point that girls crack it if the guy can't finish. Its ridiculous. If I can't get you off I'll change up and try something else or listen to you to find out how to.

Don't expect that continuing the same shite that hasn't been working for the last half an hour will work in the next half an hour. And sometimes, ladies, guys aren't necessarily in the mood. True we can easily get in the mood but that doesn't equate to easily orgasming.

[–]waswa 2 points3 points ago

Please don't simplify this so that it seems all girls crack it if the guy can't finish. There's some of us that are understanding and know that if he can't finish, it's not his fault. Maybe he's not in the mood (like you said), maybe he's tired, or maybe the girl just isn't appealing that day. I've had opposite situations with guys where the guys say "I've made a lot of girls finish, why aren't you?" And it sucks to experience dissatisfaction on both ends, especially if he makes me feel like it's my fault for not orgasming.

[–]awesomeninja99 0 points1 point ago

You are completely correct and I apologise for my generalisation. I suppose as it is a less common problem it seems to have a greater brevity when the guy doesn't finish.

I've been with some who are very understanding and some that are extremely insulted and wont stop trying, so there is obviously a fair amount of variation. Who knew that people are different?

[–]arisasdf 0 points1 point ago

Well I dunno how you are, but in my experience guys that are "harder" to make cum just means some more minutes of bobbing your head, and IMO that's pretty fucking tiring, so I'm not the least bit interested in a guy who can "last longer" if it just means a longer up-down blowjob. However, I've also been able to make a guy come really quick through some heavy foreplay, so the actual jacking takes much less. If that's how it's gonna work, I'm up for the challenge.

PS: I just realized my sex vocabulary is lacking.

[–]epatti0914 1 point2 points ago

Bobbing your head longer as opposed to me putting my entire body into it? Also, what ever happened to a girl riding a guy to finish him or having actual sex in order to do it? I would think that would be beneficial to both parties. I love that more than anything. Yes, I love foreplay, and yes, I can cum quite easily to a girl giving me a blowjob or a handjob, so trust me.. I'm not "broken" (yes I've heard that before) or anything. So when you cannot get the job done while having actual sex, how am I at fault when I just spent the past 30 minutes to an hour doing it for you?

[–]AskMeAboutUnicorns 0 points1 point ago

I can have fun and enjoy sex even if I don't cum.

[–]YNot1989 -1 points0 points ago

Yeah, too bad Sexual Dimorphism is a thing.

[–]joseph10000 57 points58 points ago

A lack of enthusiasm is a huge turn-off.

[–]B_Brownies 0 points1 point ago

It's a deal breaker

[–]koeserm21 46 points47 points ago

The butthurt is strong with these comments.

[–]falousco[!] 4 points5 points ago

Butthurt [X]

Asspained [X]

Butt devastated [X]

Tailbone troubled [X]

[–]originalone 4 points5 points ago

Taintilated?

[–]Zeppelin415 4 points5 points ago

I feel differently

[–]CallMeAnEngineer 97 points98 points ago

Forgive us, ladies, for not being like an intense game of "Bop-it" when it comes to orgasming. If we were as difficult as women, you would give up, as you had a long day and it's just too much work. Somebody had to be "that guy".

[–]TheBizness 7 points8 points ago

If only, man. At least Bop-it instructs you what buttons to press.

[–]moltencheese 12 points13 points ago

PASS IT!

[–]CosmicBard[!] 1 point2 points ago

Yeah, it's called keeping an open dialog with your partner.

[–]Spookaboo 1 point2 points ago

Not every woman plays ball in that respect though.

[–]CosmicBard[!] 1 point2 points ago

Every person should play ball in that respect, man or woman.

[–]matchstiq 16 points17 points ago

I lost it at "Bop-it." Thank you sir.

[–]CallMeAnEngineer 5 points6 points ago

Anytime my good man.

[–]tictak_mike 71 points72 points ago

That is just mean

[–]username112358 57 points58 points ago

yeah. Go away OP, you're mean.

[–]hannahandthewhite 16 points17 points ago

it's harder to make a girl cum... typically.

[–]Arcade_West 33 points34 points ago

see you say that, but every girl i've been with is ecstatic to make me finish...

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]dabezian 21 points22 points ago

Yeah, seeing as you can do anything short of biting, tearing, scratching, or anything that falls in the same category.

You can polish it, jerk it, wank it, suck it, blow it, ride it... the list goes on and on...

Then we move to the vagina. 10 page manual. Follow it step-by-step or you won't succeed.

[–]mistermick 49 points50 points ago

There is no manual. Just lick until she tells you to stop.

[–]_Battletoads 51 points52 points ago

[–]Phoniexbates 7 points8 points ago

Will there be butt stuff?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

Long enough that your tongue goes from a maneuverable bit of flexible muscle to a spasmodic mouth prong of PAIN! Then your lips fall off. Then the back of your neck tries to exit your body through the top of your head. THEN it has been long enough.

[–]panama_dave 2 points3 points ago

This gif has never been more appropriate. Well done.

[–]midas22 5 points6 points ago

Yeah, most likely until she gets awkwardly bored because you're doing it the wrong way.

[–]fellowhuman 1 point2 points ago

then perhaps she should give more effective feedback instead of blaming it on the other person.

[–]sinfulcolors[S] 22 points23 points ago

Best advice ever.

[–]soapman4 3 points4 points ago

I am sorry but my my tongue starts to get tired.

[–]stickygazelle 54 points55 points ago

List cntd.

Buy it, use it, break it, fix it, Trash it, change it, mail - upgrade it, Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it, Snap it, work it, quick - erase it, Write it, cut it, paste it, save it, Load it, check it, quick - rewrite it, Plug it, play it, burn it, rip it, Drag and drop it, zip - unzip it, Lock it, fill it, call it, find it, View it, code it, jam - unlock it, Surf it, scroll it, pause it, click it, Cross it, crack it, switch - update it, Name it, rate it, tune it, print it, Scan it, send it, fax - rename it, Touch it, bring it, Pay it, watch it, Turn it, leave it, start - format it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

with an emphasis on the jam it, point it, plug it, scroll it, touch it

[–]Kashik 1 point2 points ago

Well, i think the Haezer version of that song is more appropriate. Smut me!

[–]eydryan 2 points3 points ago

[–]maniac_man50 2 points3 points ago

Because everyone knows what he is referring to?

[–]AScholarlyGentleman -2 points-1 points ago

My only regret is that I have but one upvote to give you.

[–]jessicatron 0 points1 point ago

Or just like stop trying to be all fancy and let me concentrate on my business.

[–]sharkbait_oohaha 6 points7 points ago

I've got $100 that says you couldn't get me off within 30 minutes. My penis is just like 'oh yeah, that's good, don't stop that. Can't finish or she will stop."

[–]damanzana 7 points8 points ago

Sounds to me like a 100 dollar hooker. ಠ_ಠ

[–]sharkbait_oohaha 1 point2 points ago

don't make it weird. Besides, I'd win anyway :p

[–]damanzana 1 point2 points ago

Sex and a hundred dollars. Teach me.

[–]sharkbait_oohaha 0 points1 point ago

I'd be happy to give you lessons. That'll be $100.

[–]sinfulcolors[S] 9 points10 points ago

I'll take that bet

[–]sharkbait_oohaha 10 points11 points ago

your place? my place? central park?

[–]rable_rable 7 points8 points ago

im incredibly interested in finding out who wins. pics or it didnt happen

[–]soapman4 2 points3 points ago

Video would also be nice

[–]benjaminspowell 32 points33 points ago

You don't make guys orgasm, guys make guys orgasm.

[–]StickAndRudder 22 points23 points ago

Wink wink nudge nudge, say no more!

[–]mbss 6 points7 points ago

i'll be the bottom bread in this love sandwich.

[–]peartisgod 0 points1 point ago

A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, eh?

[–]MrGMinor 0 points1 point ago

A wink's as good as a nod to a blind horse.

[–]BankerWhoLeavesAt420 15 points16 points ago

how I know you're gay

[–]benjaminspowell -1 points0 points ago

I did kind of ask for that one I guess... for the record, I'm not..

[–]Circ-Le-Jerk 6 points7 points ago

You had to let us know? Just in case we thought BankerWhoLeavesAt420 was being serious?

[–]benjaminspowell 0 points1 point ago

Well yes, this is the internets. Doesn't everyone take everything online as fact or is that just me?

[–]dharrison21 0 points1 point ago

We are all gay on the internet.

[–]Masshole3000 7 points8 points ago

While all you guys argue here, I busted one to Emma's face.

[–]Wolfosaurus 4 points5 points ago

Remember, just because a guy cums it doesn't mean you were good in the bedroom.

[–]unconfidentbeauty 0 points1 point ago

well this just makes me feel great about myself

[–]sturg1dj 5 points6 points ago

i find it funny that so many guys here are taking offense to this. Who gives a shit, I could make myself orgasm in 2 minutes.

[–]Thameus 1 point2 points ago

It's OK, I can even fap to that picture.

[–]eydryan 5 points6 points ago

Not cool :-(

[–]trias_e 4 points5 points ago

Yeah, but how do you feel when he doesn't orgasm? Oh wait, I've seen that look before. It's the look of hatred and disgust. Being a guy rocks!

[–]notlikely3 3 points4 points ago

Before it loaded I thought, "how does that make me feel?" then I shrugged and did the 'eh' face.

Then it loaded and I lold. :)

[–]YNot1989 3 points4 points ago

Making a man climax isn't at all challenging...now making a woman cum...therein lies a challenge.

[–]Kaywar 1 point2 points ago

I loooooooooove doing it. I love watching his face and hearing his moans... wtf women

[–]ScruffySaysMhm -1 points0 points ago

Excuse me, but do any of you gentlemen know where I can find a subreddit dedicated to this person? Thanks in advance. -scruffy

[–]icanhazfunny 3 points4 points ago

Wait...is there a subreddit for Emma Stone? Guys, seriously. Guys. Seriously.

[–]Vivaciousqt 5 points6 points ago

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Vivaciousqt 0 points1 point ago

Indeedy!

[–]IHv2RtrnSumVdeotapes 0 points1 point ago

actually, i agree with you. so does dante:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dbjO3l5TcY

[–]spencer8828 0 points1 point ago

In a row?.

[–]ouelletd -2 points-1 points ago

to quote jim jeffries "you (girls) don't make me cum! I make me cum!.....Your just the container i shoot it in!!! (may be slightly paraphrased)

[–]TheButtler 0 points1 point ago

If a man has sex twice a week for 40 years, he will spend about 3 hours total having orgasms.

Was told that by my sex educator girlfriend, followed by the phrase "sucks to suck."

[–]LittleTillyFooFoo 0 points1 point ago

But... how do you feel making a GIRL orgasm?

[–]wosko 0 points1 point ago

Chances are you're really a lesbian

[–]julius_sphincter 0 points1 point ago

What, you take no pride in your work? For shame

[–]CosmicBard[!] 0 points1 point ago

Lots of girls I know really get off on getting a guy off.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

well i hope i never get to have sex with your sad ass.

[–]TheThirdWheel -2 points-1 points ago

Have fun with all your future horrible relationships queen frigid.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

You just broke a lot of hearts, baby.

[–]ZarboktheMunificent -1 points0 points ago

I love that when a guy makes a joke on Reddit and girls freak out it's because women can't take a joke. When a girl makes a joke on Reddit and guys freak out, it's because she's a bitch.

[–]Flat_out_no_lube -1 points0 points ago

Upvoted because you had a gif of Emma Stone.

[–]Wicked_Uncle_Ernie -3 points-2 points ago

And to make you make him orgasm he has to think really hard on a porn star/other crush to be able, and you take all the glory :)

[–]Toof -2 points-1 points ago

I've been with 6 women and only orgasmed during 2 individual encounters. They weren't even the women I was in love with either. Sucks, man.