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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]NowNowGuys[!] 392 points393 points ago

The storyline is solid with a strong narrative arc, but the character development doesn't ring true. Do we believe that the protagonist would turn instantly from romantic confession to such coarse hostility? Do we buy the antagonist/love-interest's move from the ebullience of a smiley emoticon to the curt insensitivity of a single unadorned letter?

Nothing in the character exposition exceeds 2-dimensions; the ending is completely unsuspected, and not in a good way. The dénoument feels forced and incongruous. In a nutshell, this play lacks depth and credibility.

6/10.

[–]anisenayati 243 points244 points ago

K.

[–]Epix115 38 points39 points ago

After seeing this story, I'm pretty sure you know where that "K" is going.

[–]lessthan_i 84 points85 points ago

6/10 is pretty high for something that lacks depth and credibility.

[–]Waff1es 59 points60 points ago

Relative to video game ratings

[–]possiblypunctilious 16 points17 points ago

I think it's unnecessary to have an "out of ten" scale to anything. 1-5 is the better scale. 1 is bad 2 is meh 3 is passable 4 is excellent and 5 is the best of all possible worlds. In the 1-10 scale, with fucking decimal numbers thrown in to make it even more incomprehensible, what does a 3/10 mean? I assume a 1/10 is bad and a 5/10 is passable, but why the hell do you need 2, 3, and 4 not to mention a 3.5 or a 2.8 out of ten? It makes an already laughably arbitrary rating system even more incomprehensible and meaningless than it already is. If I could give a maximum of five fucks for the "out of ten rating system" I would give only 1 out of 5.

[–]T1meTr4veller 28 points29 points ago

I give this comment a 3.9 out of 10

[–]monstehr 11 points12 points ago

I feel it's inappropriate to state that the love interest's curt response is unadorned. The period explicitly underscores the brusque finality of her unconcern for the narrator's infatuation.

[–]spaceboogie89 1 point2 points ago

Now that's what I call karma worthy

[–]turdcraply 0 points1 point ago

Still a better love story than twilight

[–]Im_more_ignorant 1 point2 points ago

I disagree.

The opening question shows the protagonist desires more than anything else a desire for approval, specifically from Christina, the protagonist's love interest. He wants Christina to show him she feels the same way and that what he feels is legitimate. This strong desire for approval is closely linked to a clear dependency and insecurity in which the protagonist resorts to childish impotence when his actions go unnoticed or unappreciated.

The protagonist plays his part well. He understands his character's strong desires and shows them using strong words.

8.5/10, award nominations for writing, original screenplay, and lead actor.

But not actress; that bitch can shove a K up her ass.

[–]Electric_Ladykiller 1332 points1333 points ago

Did anyone else think this was gonna be about smuggling ketamine in the rectum?

[–]Khosan 736 points737 points ago

I thought Potassium, but that works too.

[–]ragamufin 455 points456 points ago

you mean... like a banana?

[–]limecow 307 points308 points ago

oh yes, like a banana

[–]shroomprinter 192 points193 points ago

Go on...

[–]OddDude55 179 points180 points ago

When the guy went through customs... the agent asked if he was bringing any fruits back to the states with him... and he felt so naughty when he said... "no."

[–][deleted] 199 points200 points ago

Tally THIS, mister tallyman!

[–]theodrixx 47 points48 points ago

Daylight ain't comin' for THIS banana!

[–]maxxx_orbison 40 points41 points ago

I want to go home.

[–]innerdurden 110 points111 points ago

Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a banana. We have to use the indefinite article, A banana, never … your banana.

[–]Will322002 25 points26 points ago

I'm sorry, "Throwers?"

[–]fuzzy_warbles 39 points40 points ago

I am Jack's nutrient-enriched rectum.

[–]aizxy 6 points7 points ago

But I don't own a banana!

[–]manlymustache 7 points8 points ago

As he becomes more excited his rectum squeezes tighter and tighter until SQUISH. The color drains from his face as bits of banana run down his thighs.

[–]TheYuppieWord 10 points11 points ago

My penis gyrated.

[–]Naberius 41 points42 points ago

The banana is a perfect shape to be stuck up your ass. Evolution can't explain that. Only God's creation can achieve perfection like that.

[–]slicksterbob 20 points21 points ago

[–]NoveltyAccount5928 6 points7 points ago

CHECKMATE, ATHEISTS!

[–]respekyoeldas 20 points21 points ago

"We're not gonna fall for a banana in the tailpipe."

[–]wingwalker 5 points6 points ago

You're not gonna fall for the banana in the tailpipe? It should be more natural, brother. It should flow out, like this - "Look, man, I ain't fallin' for no banana in my tailpipe!" See, that's more natural for us. You been hanging out with Redditors too long.

[–]wwwertdf 32 points33 points ago

[–]chchrogers 64 points65 points ago

I know bananas have potassium because of Honey I Shrunk The Kids

edit: or Honey We Shrunk Ourselves, whatever

[–]dables 23 points24 points ago

Same here. I was informed AND entertained!

[–]Dave_Paker 13 points14 points ago

Was that in the original too? I know it was a big part of the story in "Honey We Shrunk Ourselves."

[–]Grexo 11 points12 points ago

Do you know what has more potassium? A potato.

[–]Principal_ButtSavage 18 points19 points ago

Do you want to know what has the MOST potassium? Kazakhstan.

[–]Seyloren 7 points8 points ago

Same here bro! bro-fist

[–]lickum 14 points15 points ago

Kazakhstan number one exporter of potassium! Other countries have inferior potassium.

[–]wanderer11 27 points28 points ago

The potassium would ignite in your anus.

[–]AJockeysBallsack 26 points27 points ago

Wow! 30 seconds ago I was wondering what would happen if I jammed a fist full of pure Potassium into my asshole! Thanks for the warning!

[–]BangkokPadang 10 points11 points ago

Close one!

[–]PikaBlue 2 points3 points ago

Too late for some...

I'll always remember you, Christina from OP's text.

[–]hornydeafman69 5 points6 points ago

I thought strikeout, but that works too.

[–]ThePeculiarPenguin 4 points5 points ago

Ouch!

[–]Ingrathis 4 points5 points ago

I expected some non tagged NSFW post involving a salt shaker and someone's asshole. No dice.

[–]anvkevin 27 points28 points ago

The real special K challenge.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]djsjjd 19 points20 points ago

oh . . . regretamine

[–]FknPitsy 44 points45 points ago

sigh yes We need to think about wtf we're doing with our lives

[–]Vandelay797 38 points39 points ago

resumes fapping

[–]Tactful 7 points8 points ago

On ket? Wow, that's uh... that's impressive.

[–]HighSorcerer 12 points13 points ago

You can think. I'm going to keep cooking meth in my neighbor's basement.

[–]willymo 14 points15 points ago

Your neighbors sound a lot more inviting than mine.

[–]void702 3 points4 points ago

I still think it's about ketamine... what did the op mean?

[–]gijyun 2 points3 points ago

Sure did.

[–]FartingBob 6 points7 points ago

Drugs are bad.

M'kay.

[–]TheWorstBro 7 points8 points ago

drugs are good.

and when you do them, people think that you're cool.

[–]Devon64327 1 point2 points ago

I was expecting a lubricant joke

[–]nomi1030 285 points286 points ago

Wanna hear a joke about Potassium?

K.

[–]StanchJam 202 points203 points ago

Wanna hear a joke about sodium?

Na.

[–]Chebbekk 142 points143 points ago

That's terrible. What do we do with terrible jokes?

We barium.

[–]philjenkins51 95 points96 points ago

But it's gonna be really sad once they argon.

[–]godsbasement 33 points34 points ago

Do you know the difference between throwing NaCl at someone and CuS at someone? One's assault, and the other assault and battery

[–]HGual-B-gone 8 points9 points ago

Why do we call helium, curium, and barium the medical elements?

Because if we can't helium or curium, we barium!

[–]FloppyCatfish 13 points14 points ago

Wanna hear a joke about nobelium?

No.

[–]rarisgod 25 points26 points ago

SHOVE THAT K UP YOUR ASS AND TELL ME THE JOKE.

[–]SimonWest 665 points666 points ago

fakefake indeed.

[–]DrMonocle 153 points154 points ago

You'd think these fake SMS generators could at least get the font right. Anyone who's used an iPhone can tell this is fake.

[–]spleck 40 points41 points ago

The picture is crooked too, which makes even less sense.

[–]CraigyFakeFake[S] 396 points397 points ago

I used MS Paint.

[–]DrMonocle 22 points23 points ago

Now I'm curious why you didn't just use a fake SMS generator.

[–]Reedfrost 110 points111 points ago

Honest OP is honest.

[–]BKing63 3 points4 points ago

With a name like that he's a living paradox.

[–]MonsoonHD 4 points5 points ago

Not to mention that the whole image is a angled incorrectly.

[–]atperryman 2 points3 points ago

Which implies that OP (CraigyFakeFake) didn't create this with MS Paint

[–]randomman02 8 points9 points ago

clap clap clap clap

[–]Yazy117 9 points10 points ago

fap fap fap fap

[–]Le_Master 12 points13 points ago

I've always hated the face Elaine makes in that scene. I want to dick slap the shit out of it.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

that is a very big penis. its so big that i feel sorry for him.

[–]vodkamartini 416 points417 points ago

Fake but I like it because this is how I feel anytime I get that condescending "K" bullshit from anyone.

[–]rdmusic16 351 points352 points ago

K.

[–]Khiraji 181 points182 points ago

You know where to shove it, buddy.

[–]Socks04 142 points143 points ago

K

[–]ljshea1 30 points31 points ago

Tom Cruise.

[–]BCP27 68 points69 points ago

[–]RockasaurusRex 8 points9 points ago

It's both horrifying and hypnotic at the same time.

[–]bultonic 11 points12 points ago

That wasn't terrible usage because I wasn't expecting it, but I can't upvote you. This needs to die. I'm sorry.

[–]SpaceCamper3 30 points31 points ago

I WILL RAIN DOWN IN A GODLY FUCKING FIRESTORM UPON YOU!! YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO CALL THE FUCKING UNITED NATIONS AND GET A FUCKING BINDING RESOLUTION TO KEEP ME FROM FUCKING DESTROYING YOU!! I'M TALKING ABOUT A SCORCHED EARTH, MOTHERFUCKER!! I WILL MASSACRE YOU!! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!!!

[–]cdharrison 54 points55 points ago

K.

[–]itsthedashi 8 points9 points ago

We don't negotiate with terrorists.

[–]Matt-Lauer 8 points9 points ago

FUCK YOUR OWN FACE

[–]kbsputnik 13 points14 points ago

You forgot the period on the end, which somehow makes it even more condescending.

[–]RyanFuller003 7 points8 points ago

You've gotta put a period after it. Otherwise it just seems rushed and noncommittal rather than intentionally condescending.

[–]Silenced_is_Foo 8 points9 points ago

I'm betting this exchange has happened many times in Craigy's mind, but he will never actually confess his love for beautiful, beautiful Christina.

[–]AcousticWalrus 17 points18 points ago

K is like one of the worst letters to have shoved up your ass. It's got so many points

[–]CraigyFakeFake[S] 549 points550 points ago

It's fake, I created the entire thing in MS Paint.

[–]MemphisRoots 146 points147 points ago

your paint skills are those of the gods my friend

[–]CraigyFakeFake[S] 144 points145 points ago

Thanks. I get it from my mama.

[–]deathdonut 111 points112 points ago

Your mama gets it from me.

[–]JudgementTime 76 points77 points ago

Are you his grandmother?

[–]CraigyFakeFake[S] 149 points150 points ago

He is my grandma, yes.

[–]AndyRooney 104 points105 points ago

k.

[–]zosoyoung 87 points88 points ago

Dear Diary, OP was pretty cool today.

[–]tnerbusas 10 points11 points ago

-- k thx bye.

[–]A_Rolling_Baneling 6 points7 points ago

Shove that k up your ass.

[–]VladTheImpala 21 points22 points ago

˙ʞ

[–]QuelFara 7 points8 points ago

You're Australian?

[–]tre101 3 points4 points ago

wat

[–]Magnesus 5 points6 points ago

Indeed. (I read that comment in T'ealc's voice)

[–]Stiggy1605 47 points48 points ago

Can I ask why the top is at a slight angle?

[–]CraigyFakeFake[S] 314 points315 points ago

Your monitor is crooked.

[–]klaq 82 points83 points ago

comebacks. this guy's got em.

[–]EHoffman922 12 points13 points ago

It just looks that way because you're wearing one shoe.

[–]Socks04 20 points21 points ago

K

[–]249ba36000029bbe9749 8 points9 points ago

Besides, everyone knows that Christina was not the prettiest girl in 2nd grade.

[–]mybossthinksimworkng 13 points14 points ago

I'm gonna give you props for coming out and admitting it. Kudos. I've never seen it happen before here. Funny thing is that you've provided original content and a funny enough joke to end up on the front page, yet some people want to get hung up on the fact that it's fake.

[–]ihatenuts 3 points4 points ago

Well now I am not sure what to believe.

[–]NosferatuHeftyDance 3 points4 points ago

Mother fucker! So you're saying you just went on the internet, and lied?

[–]ReactsWithWords 7 points8 points ago

YOU'RE fake! Your COMMENT is fake! This whole courtroom thread is fake!

[–]frenchhornhero 5 points6 points ago

It's a PHONY! A big fat PHONY!

[–]GeneralWarts 78 points79 points ago

It makes it really hard to add relevant comments when every texting screencap has everyone bitching about how fake it is.

If this is what it's come to can we start banning them and create a new subreddit (I'm sure there's already one) for them?

[–]trackguy94 64 points65 points ago

Seriously. I don't give a flying fuck if it's fake. If the community doesn't like it, then let them upvote/downvote as they please. Saying "OBVIOUSLY FAKE LOLOLOL!!!1!eleven" doesn't add anything relevant to the discussion.

[–]Renmauzuo 15 points16 points ago

Agreed. It's just a medium for the joke. When someone tells a "Three priests and a horse walk into a bar" nobody doubts that it's fake, but nobody cares either, yet for some reason fake iPhone or Facebook conversations are a cardinal sin against the internet.

[–]NotaMethAddict 21 points22 points ago

Just curious, but what possible discussion could come of this post other than, "I really hate when people say, 'K.'"

[–]LDSaustin 26 points27 points ago

"A Treatise On The Long Lasting Effects Of Young Love Over Time" perhaps. We'll never know. See what calling it FAKE did?!?!!

[–]6Git6sy6 9 points10 points ago

If you pause it at the right time you can see the exact moment his heart breaks

[–]asshold 8 points9 points ago

Something something Punchline in the title something something.

[–]MuttonTheChops 19 points20 points ago

(: 3

(: 3 K

l: 3K

O: 3<

0: 3

(: 3

[–]cautioncarnival 5 points6 points ago

wat

[–]MuttonTheChops 16 points17 points ago

It's like the...title the K...up the ass...

I'll just see myself out

[–]Szos 6 points7 points ago

Person1: "I love you."

Person2: -crickets-

[–]BoojiBoy 18 points19 points ago

Jeez. So the girl doesn't like you. There's no need to be such an MC Chris about it.

[–]maxpowerpie 9 points10 points ago

[–]ape_in_a_cape 22 points23 points ago

Fuckin hate the single K. Almost as much as I hate the double K. Kk

[–]Guitarable 45 points46 points ago

But the KKK is alright

[–]BTog 2 points3 points ago

The KKK took my baby away

[–]bangslash 2 points3 points ago

[–]Diabolic67th 8 points9 points ago

The triple K is kosher though.

[–]hozjo 57 points58 points ago

That K was totally deserved.

A few mistakes:

a.) revealing attraction through a text message

b.) being all stalkerish and suggesting you were interested since you first met her, even if true that shit ain't romantic until you have sealed the deal

c.) your fake iphone text isnt even aligned correctly

[–]xilpaxim 8 points9 points ago

Good thing he admits it is fake.

[–]electric23sand 36 points37 points ago

d.) having an angry and violent reaction to rejection. e.) posting it as a joke that mysogynist virgins of reddit love. ah ha. "k up your ass. so clever. cunt whore bitch."

[–]Lycocles 6 points7 points ago

I think it's less a reaction to rejection and more a reaction to the lack of any meaningful response.

[–]LittleInfidel 20 points21 points ago

Fake or not, if a person reacts with that much volatility to not getting the response they want, it's no wonder the person wouldn't want to date them. This is the text equivalent of a temper tantrum (BUTIWANTIT!!!!)

No one wants to date a three year old trapped in the body of a grown adult, ladies and gentlemen.

[–]ThePlasticJesus 14 points15 points ago

Yeah, it's really not a turn on to talk about 2nd grader puppy love.. In fact it's a bit creepy. Am I being overly sensitive?

[–]LittleInfidel 10 points11 points ago

No, I agree. This kind of stuff could be sweet from someone you've been dating for a while. Nice little romantic stuff. But it's intensely creeper as an opening line.

[–]Sam_Rosen 3 points4 points ago

Take two of the chicken Mcnuggets...and put them UP YOUR ASS!! I'm only wanting a 4 nugget deal

[–]giantsfan36 4 points5 points ago

Oh, Christina she don't know I exist horns

[–]mchao 2 points3 points ago

in her defense, her text was correction punctuation-wise.

[–]Jerlko 4 points5 points ago

THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT FAKE GUYS!

I MEAN IT'S THE INTERNET WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. IT'S THE VERY DEFINITION OF ACCOUNTABILITY.

[–]CapnCrayg 40 points41 points ago

r/fakeiphonepics

[–]YouListening 25 points26 points ago

To link to the actual subreddit, you must include the / before the r as well. /r/fakeiphonepics.

[–]fenwaygnome 2 points3 points ago

Also: that subreddit must exist.

[–]lurker_becomes_lurkd 8 points9 points ago

Not necessarily.

/r/thissubredditisonethatdoesntexistyetstilllinks

[–]pfreedy 3 points4 points ago

Still checked it anyways

[–]assumingredditor 5 points6 points ago

CHRISTINA IS A FRIENDZONING BITCH. OP WAS JUST BEING A GOOD GUY.

[–]upvotesallie 36 points37 points ago

Well that escalated quickly...

[–]ByJiminy 19 points20 points ago

To be honest, "K" seems to be the perfect response to someone who thinks a text is the best format to express their innermost feelings.

[–]Jackal_6 40 points41 points ago

I paid you a compliment and you still won't blow me? FUCK YOU, WHORE!

[–]mordella1 14 points15 points ago

Nice to know that soon that the one complementing you turns out to be an douche. I for one is terrible at taking compliments, I even refuse to believe it mostly and say "no, you just saying that to be nice etc", if someone as a result gave me a comment like that after I would just think "Wow, glad I didn't give you any encouragement, asshole".

[–]ohshittree 2 points3 points ago

I was thinking baseball, but then again it would be difficult to shove a strike up ones ass.

[–]BananaHammock74 2 points3 points ago

I had a crush on a girl in 2nd grade also. I wrote her a letter asking if she liked me. It asked her to circle yes, no , or maybe. Still waiting for a reply. I'm 26 and I am getting married next month.

[–]drbergzoid 2 points3 points ago

And... the punchline is in the title.

[–]internet_butt_raper 2 points3 points ago

You're never going to wheel any ladies being that soft.

[–]rabbidpanda 4 points5 points ago

HEY LET ME DUMP A BUNCH OF EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE THAT I'VE BEEN SECRETLY CARRYING FOR YEARS AND DUMP IT ON YOU WITH NO WARNING AND EXPECT YOU TO TAKE IT IN STRIDE.

[–]Plexicraft 3 points4 points ago

Because saying this over a text message is the smart thing to do.

[–]monom90 2 points3 points ago

Can we ban these from r/funny?

[–]tragik007 7 points8 points ago

No wonder he is in the Friend Zone. Guy is a loser.

[–]Raijer 13 points14 points ago

Good fucking lord. Assuming this stupidity is true, do you REALLY think your "compliment" was anything other than creepy-as-fuck? Seriously? It's that precise lack of self-awareness that deludes you into thinking that texting a girl something like that is somehow "charming." And then you have the fucking gall to get all pissy when you get the EXACT response any rational, normal girl would give when faced with such nonsense. This isn't "revenge of the friend-zoned," but a clear example as to why you are so very very alone.

[–]patheticdreams 8 points9 points ago

K.

[–]AxeManActual 1 point2 points ago

Everyone knows the rectum is the fastest and most effective way to get K's directly into the bloodstream.

[–]jcoffey 1 point2 points ago

Should have gone with "I can count all zee way to schfifty-five" instead of true feelings...true feelings never get you anywhere

[–]BeerGogglesFTW 1 point2 points ago

Everybody knows 1 nice comment or even a casual first date will lead to some spontaneous hardcore sex, or at least a blowjob... I've seen enough movies, tv, and been on the internet long enough to know these things.

[–]Anal_lick 1 point2 points ago

I went from happy to angry, skipped sad, now I feel like kicking your ass

[–]DoritosMan 1 point2 points ago

Someone's bitter

[–]IArgueWithAtheists 1 point2 points ago

Of all the letters of the alphabet, K is one of the most painful to do that with.

[–]dudSpudson 1 point2 points ago

yea you tell that ungrateful whore

[–]FatCookies 1 point2 points ago

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

[–]TheTeeWhy 1 point2 points ago

I thought it was gonna be baseball related for some reason

[–]ViviMan65 1 point2 points ago

The Queen of "K"... Dr. Hutchinson

[–]mrk33har 1 point2 points ago

shitty_watercolour WHERE ARE YOU?!?!

[–]breenisgreen 1 point2 points ago

Fucking fake iPhone conversations again. This shit is not ok. K?

[–]giegerwasright 1 point2 points ago

A phrase repeated over and over again in the gay discos of the meatpacking district circa the late 90's.

[–]ShovellyJake 1 point2 points ago

Potassium explodes on contact with water.

[–]NaveXof 1 point2 points ago

fake

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Crooked screenshot is crooked.

[–]camalittle 1 point2 points ago

If it is fake then it is not funny.

[–]dysthal 1 point2 points ago

fakeChrissi dodged a bullet, clearly.

[–]BOSINATOR 1 point2 points ago

K-zoned.

[–]IAMA_Neckbeard 1 point2 points ago

He was just mad because he couldn't stick his D up her ass :-D

[–]livelovexc 1 point2 points ago

"K? K? The letter before L, or the letter after J? Did you know that in JK, K stands for kidding? So your reply is "Kidding"? Or K as in potassium? Do you need some Special K breakfast? K, as in can I K/O you? Can I knock you out and feed you to the hungry sharks. Sharks has a K in it..."

[–]I_Love_Bacon_Cookies 1 point2 points ago

Well that escalated quickly.

[–]fugelthang 1 point2 points ago

Word. 'K' is THEE shittiest way to respond ever. It's up there with 'amazeballs' in terms of terribleness.

[–]rawrc 1 point2 points ago

"Hey, I gave you a trite compliment, the least you can do is respond with vaginas."

[–]Glen_The_Eskimo 1 point2 points ago

Still a better love story than Twilight.