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I am having a tough time learning this lesson. Anyone else? (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by packard81

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[–]entireties 85 points86 points ago

I have no friends! :D

[–]eldripheus 16 points17 points ago

My reaction to your comment: lol! *upvote ............. aww? D=

[–]popsicle_timeFounder, The League of Extraordinary Bottoms 7 points8 points ago

Can we just have this as the banner for all lgbt subreddits? It might cut down on the advice posts

[–]Fauxm 9 points10 points ago

Yup, I have no friends that I personally know, so no one could fall in love with me, gay or straight! Yay! Oh, wait, isn't that generally seen as a bad thing?

[–]DiversityOfThoughts 5 points6 points ago

I'll be your friend Entireties :)

[–]Meikovmkmaikov@gmail.com 18 points19 points ago

There are some you'll get over easy, some will never get out of your head. There's nothing wrong with reflecting, it's the dwelling that will get you. Don't dwell.

[–]ZMaiden 13 points14 points ago

You know what's worse? Falling in love with your straight best friend, and then having her boyfriend ask you to be in a threesome. :( I knew I had to say no, but it was so hard.

[–]sheepman21 8 points9 points ago

Wow, major respect for doing the right thing!

[–]ZMaiden 1 point2 points ago

I was a bridesmaid at her wedding :( But she's still one of my best friends, and I get to hang out with her and have fun. I'm just happy to have upvotes, because I have other friend that called me stupid for turning them down. I used to have a crush on her husband, and I absolutely love her, so they acted like I was stupid for saying no. But I didn't want some meaningless sex thing. I knew it would be unhealthy even if we could maintain a three person relationship, and chances were it would just be a random thing not a real relationship. And she's the first girl I ever fell in love with :(

[–]sheepman21 1 point2 points ago

You are a wise an awesome person. And these people are lucky to have you as a friend :)

[–]mst3kcrow 55 points56 points ago

I've been that straight guy. Sorry to be heart breakers. At least you have an ally?

[–]musclerunner 6 points7 points ago

Thanks, crow! I wish more straight guys were more like you. Honestly, I'm flattered when my girl friends have crushes on me.

[–]Ari159 6 points7 points ago

It's kind of weird. When I wasn't gay (in the sense I hadn't accepted it and was trying to be straight), no women were interested in me. In fact, I got stood up.

Then, after I came out and accepted I was gay, they all of a sudden show interest. Crazy crazy world.

[–]Flashthunder 10 points11 points ago

Confidence and knowing yourself is sexy.

[–]musclerunner 6 points7 points ago

Same thing here.

Now that I examine this a bit, confidence is very attractive. Coming out of the closet is an act of confidence. Perhaps that confidence is at the root of that behavior.

[–]Ari159 4 points5 points ago

I totally believe your statement 100%. Before I came out, I was always depressed, shy, and unpleasant to be around. My friends said after I came out, I was so much better to be around. Absolutely no regrets coming out.

[–]kabukistar 5 points6 points ago

Please forgive me. Totally unrelated to the conversation at hand, but I have to...

Robot Roll Call

[–]mst3kcrow 2 points3 points ago

Just for you. If you want to watch the show, /r/mst3k has a lot of links.

[–]Otto_von_Jizzmark 2 points3 points ago

Ha. Joel always looked so fucking baked.

[–]theseangt 3 points4 points ago

good to hear you are an ally :) But loving a straight man doesn't guarantee they're an ally, just that you like them! haha but yeah. to the OP, been there. had to just stop talking to them. hugsss

[–]spacedout83 1 point2 points ago

If you were really an ally you'd let us have sex with you. Mo's before bros.

Jk, you're a good dude. Thanks for being an ally.

[–]mst3kcrow 0 points1 point ago

It's only gay if balls touch. Anyways, I can definitely sympathize with skinny women getting hit on excessively. If I hang out with my gay/bi friends in a gay bar, holy hell, free drinks ahoy.

[–]spacedout83 1 point2 points ago

One time, I spent the larger part of an evening at a gay bar hitting on a really cute, funny, puppy dog-eyed dude. After like 2 hours of chatting and drinks, the SOB introduced me to his girlfriend. I henceforth call him "COCKBLOCK: LEVEL 99".

[–]sagenhaft 22 points23 points ago

Similarly: If your straight best friend falls in love with you, you're (both) gonna have a bad time.

[–]jimb3rtLicking toads since 1706 15 points16 points ago

It took me way too long to figure out how that would be a bad time...

[–]sagenhaft 10 points11 points ago

Yeah, I see that now! To clarify, my best friend is a straight male and I am a lady who likes the ladies.

[–]blackshirts 0 points1 point ago

I'm in the situation right now :( ...I think. The girls I know are all so secretive.

[–]Ratava 19 points20 points ago

Been there

[–]OlpainlessHomosexist heterophobe 20 points21 points ago

I guess I learnt several years ago to just... not. I don't let my mind wonder 'if...' or 'but...', or take anything to be flirting or a pass. You have to just take everyone at their word; if they're straight, then you must dismiss ALL thoughts about them being otherwise or doubts of their claim. If you don't, you'll just get your heart broken; it's much easier to deal with it all when you stop pretending they might one day fall for you.

[–]Among_the_fallen 15 points16 points ago

I have I straight friend that's really awesome. If he were into guys I'd be all over him. But he's not and that's the end of it.

People need to learn to compartmentalize. "Wouldn't it be awesome if he were gay" and "Wouldn't it be awesome if I could fly?" are filed right next to each other under Shit That's Never Going to Happen.

[–]packard81[S] 0 points1 point ago

One would think I should have learned this lesson by now. I'm 30, have been in a couple of serious relationships, and have had the unfortunate experience of doing this back in college, which, I thought would have taught be better (the straight best friend, not college).

[–]Awkward_Hugs 23 points24 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/jfG3B.jpg

[–]completely_torn 5 points6 points ago

I just want to group hug everyone in this thread who's saying they know that feel... Meee too, me too.

[–]packard81[S] 0 points1 point ago

Love that group hug!

[–]firstaccounttemp 1 point2 points ago

Joining the group hug. Just read your thread, and I'm adding another Me Too to this.

[–]completely_torn 0 points1 point ago

hugs Feel free to PM me if you want to chat, I've been getting tones of awesome advice from people and happy to share :)

[–]firstaccounttemp 0 points1 point ago

I might do that at some point. I'd probably feel a bit silly in the process, but thank you for the offer.

[–]2Weird2Live2Rare2Die 24 points25 points ago

IF YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR STRAIGHT BEST FRIEND

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A BAD TIMEFIVE-YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM

Fixed according to my experience. Chances are made to be taken.

[–]thirdwaver 27 points28 points ago

It doesn't sound like your best friend was straight as the OP is describing his issue as. I definitely agree with your sentiment though. If you're both gay and attracted to each other, I'd never sit on the fence with it. What could be better than having sex with your best friend? :)

[–]2Weird2Live2Rare2Die 17 points18 points ago

He identified as straight, he was never attracted to any men until or after me, and even while we were together he identified as 'straight with an exception'. It happens.

[–]completely_torn 25 points26 points ago

Why must you plant this seed!! This thought has ruined me for far more time than I should have allowed... It still is right up to about 30 minutes ago. In all seriousness though, Im happy someone else got to experience it if I dont. Good for you :)

[–]thirdwaver 9 points10 points ago

I wouldn't get too worked up about it. Just because he found a unicorn doesn't mean it's worth the dozens of broken hearts in search of one. Numerically the odds are greatly against this. I certainly don't mean to be disrespectful because I have props for 2Weird for having the courage to risk it when the odds were so against it working out. But that's a bit like reading an interview with a guy who won the lottery and having him say, "I just bought one ticket and won. It happens". The odds are greatly against it happening. There are a lot of gay men out there and your time here is limited. Don't waste it pursuing straight men... Except for NSA sex. :) This I've done many times and enjoyed immensely.

[–]completely_torn 3 points4 points ago

I need to put this in song format and play it on my ipod... 'its not going to happen, it's not going to happen...' One drunken mistake makeout session can really throw a guy for a loop!

[–]jordanundead 0 points1 point ago

Same here.

[–]MissyMoon 4 points5 points ago

Me and my "straight best friend" have been married going on 3 years :)

[–]Eaeelil 3 points4 points ago

Or worse yet, your straight homophobic best friend ><. That was a nasty time.

[–]KonabuFictionally delicious. 4 points5 points ago

He never knew what was up...and when he introduced his girlfriend to me, I was silently heartbroken.

I still miss him.

[–]thirdwaver 2 points3 points ago

I'm sure you're too young to know the song, but my theme song growing up was Mickey Gilley's "Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places". I had so many broken hearts growing up I started to get really depressed. It wasn't until I started being honest about why I was befriending these people in the first place (because they were hot - duh) that I got it under control. I also began looking in the right places (i.e. the gay community).

[–]MagicallyVermiciousStill figuring things out 7 points8 points ago

But what if you really become friends first, and then only after that you start to become attracted to them because you get to know them better?

:(

[–]thirdwaver 2 points3 points ago

It's a difficult situation, but I stand by what I said. You have to really be honest with your intentions throughout the budding friendship. If you just wake up one day finding yourself emotionally and sexually attracted to him, then you were truly asleep (i.e. in denial) along the way. There's not a right way and a wrong way to go about this. Only a painful way and a non-painful way. I believe we all tend to do it the painful way until we get tired of the pain. Then we start paying attention earlier in the process. My motto: Lead with the brain while getting into a relationship. Lead with the heart while in one.

[–]completely_torn 2 points3 points ago

What do you do if he's been your closest best friend for a decade at this point?

[–]thirdwaver 4 points5 points ago

I'm assuming you're absolutely positive that he's straight and/or not interested in anything beyond a friendship. If that's the case, then here's what you're in for: Losing the friendship the first time he brings his girlfriend/fiance/wife around you and you're cold, bitter, and resentful. Watch the movie "My Best Friend's Wedding". Friends are supposed to be supportive. If you can't be supportive of him with another person besides you, your support is biased and the friendship is sort of phony at that point, no? This same thing applies with trying to be friends with an ex, btw. Until you can offer unbiased support for them being with someone else, you can't be an honest friend, in my opinion.

[–]completely_torn 2 points3 points ago

Well, that was a ton of bricks that I needed... He was dating one of my other best friends for years and I loved the two of them together. She was amazing and it may have been that I got to spend so much time with them (him).

Now that he's single we're spending pretty much every day together and wound up wasted at a party and sort of hooked up, he said things that melted my heart only to be completely forgotten by him the next morning (story linked in my post below). We talked it through and he said it was a mistake, but it's still incredibly hard. I'm trying suuuper hard to support him dating but I have to admit I'm really afraid of losing him from my life, which is not a healthy thing to bring to a friendship.

Yikes, sorry to hijack the thread just needed to vent since it's an open wound :(

[–]thirdwaver 1 point2 points ago

I'll just reply on your thread.

[–]completely_torn 1 point2 points ago

Thank you for your thoughtful reply over there, you are one very insightful person :)

[–]thirdwaver 0 points1 point ago

My pleasure and thanks. You just happened to touch upon something I have LOTS of experience (and therapy) with.

[–]packard81[S] 3 points4 points ago

Great comment, but I can't stop thinking of Buckwheat sings "Wookin' pa nub".

[–]thirdwaver 1 point2 points ago

hahahaha I totally forgot about that.

[–]packard81[S] 0 points1 point ago

Also, I'm definitely not "too young" to know that song ;)

[–]jerichi 3 points4 points ago

I know that feel, bro.

[–]whyhellotherefinesir 3 points4 points ago

Ugh. Havn't we all.

[–]Akoros 1 point2 points ago

I've gotten to the point where nobody thinks I'm capable of love.

Little do they know I desperately want to be in a relationship with my straight best friend... AND his girlfriend D:

[–]konquererzI don't get me 3 points4 points ago

Guess that depends on if your best friend is the same sex or opposite sex. My best friend is female, and I'm male. So falling in love with her wouldn't present a problem. :)

[–]Shamwow22 1 point2 points ago

Imagine if a straight female friend fell in love with you, confessed that she had a crush on you and wanted to have sex with you. Would there be any chance that you'd ever consider doing any of this with her?

That's how straight guys feel when gay dudes creep on them, and think there's any chance in the world that they could be gay. Don't do that.

[–]MahonriMoriancumr 0 points1 point ago

Wait, but what if my answer was "Well, fuck, this probably won't work out, but, like, if you know that and you're still game, I don't see why not—you know this probably won't go anywhere, though!"

[–]Ari159 3 points4 points ago

Shortly after I admitted to my best friend I was gay, I sort of grew an infatuation with him, but in a weird way. I knew I couldn't have an emotional/relationship bond with him, but at the time, I had never been with a guy sexually let alone think about those more complex things of being in a relationship with another guy. One day, I was giving him a ride home from class and I asked him if he would be interested in letting me give him a blowjob. In my mind, I'd rather blow a guy who I knew was clean (STD wise) than some random guy and I was thinking that could give me confirmation if I was really into guys or not. He declined the offer. He said he saw me too much as a brother to let me do that to him. Eventually, that infatuation subsided and the thought of me doing that to him now makes me nauseous.

[–]AvatarJack 2 points3 points ago

It's even worse when you're also really good friends with his girlfriend.

[–]timoto23 2 points3 points ago

Everyone wants what they can't have. The solution is to get out looking for other gay people to get with.

You know that cause the other person doesn't want more then you can get with other people without hurting their feelings. Just get looking and don't be satisfied with being hopeful.

There are cool gay people just as attractive as your friend and they are even better because they like you back :)

Life is too short to chase unreachable dreams...that's the gay writer coming out in me. Not sure who I'm probably quoting there.

[–]Shuggus 2 points3 points ago

NOPE. It's worse falling in love with your good looking gay friend who has absolutely no interest. Because then you can't blame 'being straight' for the lack of interest and you have to grow up and realise that sometimes things are how they are.

[–]buzzlightear 0 points1 point ago

I just fall in love with my bisexual best friend and then she decides she can tell the future and knows it wont work out even though she's stated she loves me as well... So basically the same thing as your problem.

[–]Dmitri_Karamazovgay cis male 2 points3 points ago

Not really. Yours has a slight chance. OP's post is a for certain brick wall.

[–]entperson 0 points1 point ago

It's cool. My best friend is also my bisexual ex girlfriend. I fell in love with her after we broke up. Not a chance in hell :(

[–]scoooot 2 points3 points ago

Rule #1 of being gay: do not fall in love with a straight guy

[–]reidhasguitar 0 points1 point ago

I'd be flattered. I certainly wouldn't react the same way that some people claim they would, in scenarios that will never occur.

Seriously dude, no gay guy is going to give you a second glance, let alone try to make out with you.

EDIT: Perhaps I need to point out that the last paragraph was directed at someone I know, not anybody here.

[–]heartjuice 0 points1 point ago

I've got to be the only person that never has this problem. Don't get me wrong, I find straight girls cute all the time. But if I try to get close to them as friends and they're straight, it's just not that way. Nor is it that way with any of my existing straight friends. If you're straight, you're straight and completely unavailable to me, so I'm just not interested. If you're "straight" and flirting with me constantly, that's a different story. However, none of my close friends are like that.

[–]captainenema 0 points1 point ago

No, not really, none of my friends are all that attractive to me in the sort of way it would make me want to go to happy town with them.

[–]keiyakins 0 points1 point ago

My entire crush sequence has been straight guys and lesbians. Well, with one exception, but seriously 90% of the people she met had crushes on her :P

[–]Dmitri_Karamazovgay cis male 1 point2 points ago

I learned it. It was 7 years ago. Still stings once in awhile.

[–]firstaccounttemp 0 points1 point ago

whacks head on table Why does this happen? Oh well, I'll get over it. Eventually.

[–]Alfakillr 0 points1 point ago

Still feeling the after effects of not knowing this 5-ish years ago :( Some of my friends have a jab at me with this and they might think its funny but its not to me. If I could go back and change one thing in my past it would be befriending him :(

[–]completely_torn 0 points1 point ago

You would have never became friends with him in the first place if given the choice?

[–]HeroofDarkness 1 point2 points ago

Gay until proven straight? Lol... Tried that once, didn't work, tried again, didn't work...

[–]ItJustGotStuckThere 0 points1 point ago

Every time.

[–]Tetsusaiga 0 points1 point ago

I was foolish once too... Never again though.

[–]JuliaGasm 0 points1 point ago

I have learned this time and time again. Doesn't really click though -_-

[–]CorinOrion 0 points1 point ago

OMG!!! My best friend might be following my account soooo.... Definitely a you shouldn't? .... >.>'

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]dlistblogger 0 points1 point ago

sure :)

[–]dlistblogger 0 points1 point ago

Am I the only one around here who's never fallen in love with their best friend? Actually, I've never fallen in love with anyone...

[–]brego58 0 points1 point ago

My first same-gender crush was on my best friend. I never even realized that it was more than a "girl crush" until fairly recently when it came to me that my "girl crushes" were a lot more intense than what my straight friends had them.

[–]kobeandthelakersI'M GAY AND PROUD 0 points1 point ago

i am not having this problem. it sounds like it would suck though(no pun intended)....

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