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Starting to feel pressured into changing my answer (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by steamwhistler24/m/ontario

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[–][deleted] 61 points62 points ago

This reminds me of the two separate girls I dated who told me they "like to be dominated." Now, it sounds really sexy when a girl says something like this. But when we later got down to business, both of them just lay there and expected me to do all the work.

I'm not saying all submissive women are lazy in bed, just that the former is sometimes used as a euphemism for the latter.

[–]discworldian 44 points45 points ago

A lot of people confuse submission and passivity (or dominance and douchebaggery).

[–]JustOneVote 18 points19 points ago

(or dominance and douchebaggery)

Yup.

[–]bamforeo19/F/NYC/bamforeo- Cupcakes, TF2, EDM (Need I say more?) 11 points12 points ago

Nah, when I say dominated I mean choking, hair pulling, hands/arms tied/pulled back. Just generally have your way with me.

Psh, not just gonna lay there like a coked out hooker, that's no fun :D

[–]Sober-Senator 11 points12 points ago

Hell a coked out hooker would probably be pretty energetic. It's the doped out hookers that would be boring.

[–]discworldian 3 points4 points ago

Ah, but that's still examples where you are passive. I'm not saying the endless blow jobs requested by douchebag dominants are the right way to go, just that there's 100 different things you could be doing.

[–]bamforeo19/F/NYC/bamforeo- Cupcakes, TF2, EDM (Need I say more?) 1 point2 points ago

I don't deal with doms. I like my guys balanced. And where is the 100 list of things I could be doing?

[–]steamwhistler24/m/ontario[S] 16 points17 points ago

True, maybe that's how a lot of girls interpret "gentle." In which case I can't blame them for their answers. There are few bigger turnoffs than the dead fish routine.

[–]ohsnapitsrags 23 points24 points ago

A girl I dated complained about the sex and broke up with me. She was a dead fish, and I tried my hardest. What am I supposed to do if you just lay there looking bored? You can't be bored from the get go and expect me to make it awesome! There was plenty of foreplay too!
It's ok though, found another fish and she's not dead at all.

[–]VictorsSecret27/M/Chicago. Mildly addicted to this sub. 14 points15 points ago

POINT ME TO THIS FRUITFUL OCEAN, DEAR SIR!

[–]ohsnapitsrags 12 points13 points ago

You'll laugh, you'll scold, and you will disbelieve, but the new one is from OKCupid. I met about 10 girls on there over about 6 months and 9 of them were some of the worst human beings I've ever had to endure, despite a high match percentage.
It's only been about 2 months now, but so far this girl is everything.

[–]boxen 18 points19 points ago

No offense, but have you ever considered the implications of the fact that 9/10 people that match up with you are the "worst human beings ever"?

[–]duckduck_gooseF/OR/Just Here To Help 2 points3 points ago

There's a common thread here...

[–]ohsnapitsrags 0 points1 point ago

Yes, I have.

[–]ohsnapitsrags 7 points8 points ago

Whoops, of course she was. I forgot for a moment that I was commenting in r/okcupid

[–]OKCupidInsinuationand by the way / if you see your mom this weekend / -1 points0 points ago

LOL! GTFO! BS!

[–]Arcath_ 1 point2 points ago

We are in the desert man. No fruitful oceans here.

[–]Noze_Zelle21/M/zerofuckstogive 0 points1 point ago

this

[–]Jayross19/M/NYC/Vancouver 4 points5 points ago

ugh, yes. the worst. Oh well, sexcercise.

[–]Callix23/F/bi/poly 2 points3 points ago

Then you just order them to do things :P

[–]duckduck_gooseF/OR/Just Here To Help 0 points1 point ago

What does rough sex have to do with dominance? I answered I like both equally, well when I had those questions answered, because seriously "gentle sex" all the time is fucking boring. I like variety.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

They lie there because they don't feel comfortable being their feminine selves until they can trust your dominance and masculinity. You lead, they'll follow suit.

[–]SexAndDrugsAcc 7 points8 points ago

Which question are you referring to? I enjoy both equally, but I would not be ok if my partner wanted sex to always be gentle. (Those are the two questions I recall about the subject.)

[–]steamwhistler24/m/ontario[S] 3 points4 points ago

I'm referring to the question that asks, "Is your 'ideal' sex gentle or rough?" Which of course is just a bad question to begin with, as many of them are, but you have to choose so many to answer if you want your matches to be based on anything. So I answer, "I enjoy both equally," because that seems like the closest thing to, "the ideal sex is whatever was the right thing to do moment to moment, mixing it up etc."

I know I'm just being pedantic and having expectations that are too high for a free (or maybe any) dating service, and it doesn't actually bother me that much, because I know what these girls mean, I'm pretty sure. (And based on that, we want the same thing.) I mostly just thought it would be funny to mix this image of a tough guy getting pissed off enough to load a gun with a caption about nobody wanting to make sweet tender love to him.

[–]JDogish 3 points4 points ago

I like how the sentence structure makes me believe this implies you will start looking for gentle love-makers by force.

[–]MIXEDGREENSBIPOLAR, SILVER-TONGUED ASSHOLE/DADDY ISSUES EXPERT/SEXY BITCH 24 points25 points ago

No. Hell no.

I love me some gentle sex. Passionate. Slow. You feel every millimeter of her insides, every pulse. The tension building inside her with every stroke.

I fuck gently, but I make 'em cum hard.

[–]RalarenOTCRalaren/f/21 5 points6 points ago

this makes me question my distaste for gentle sex. :x

[–]MIXEDGREENSBIPOLAR, SILVER-TONGUED ASSHOLE/DADDY ISSUES EXPERT/SEXY BITCH 15 points16 points ago

You're missing out.

Sometimes as she's getting close, I'll grab a handful of her hair and make her lock eyes with me. As she takes that last breath before the pregnant pause, I'll whisper a soft, "Cum for me."

And then she does. lol

[–]legacy5k 7 points8 points ago

I really liked the "lol".

[–]RadiumGirl25/F/Melbourne 5 points6 points ago

I... I... I... want.

[–]RachelTheObserver 4 points5 points ago

Fuck I think I just came. Good work sir.

[–]RalarenOTCRalaren/f/21 5 points6 points ago

GAHHHH. Holy fuck!! If your physical sexual skills are anywhere near your verbal sexual skills, you'd have me melting forever.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]RalarenOTCRalaren/f/21 2 points3 points ago

Gahhh!!! unnnff! Come here, mr scotland! :D

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]RalarenOTCRalaren/f/21 1 point2 points ago

:D

Maybe they have a scotland version for dating online?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]RalarenOTCRalaren/f/21 1 point2 points ago

Hahaha.. Well. There you go then! Who needs okcupid? :P

[–]Strideo 2 points3 points ago

I fuck slowly, slowly, slowly getting faster ...

[–]JDogish 1 point2 points ago

http://marks.dk/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/slow-clap.gif

[–]sammwwise 5 points6 points ago

Sometimes I even enjoy having gentle sex that leads into rough sex. The question is far too generic. It really just depends on the mood, but I'm not sure if people think that deeply into the question.

[–]steamwhistler24/m/ontario[S] 1 point2 points ago

Alas, that's my lifelong curse: assuming everyone writing a question for mass consumption would consider their wording as carefully and philosophically as I would. I find that about 30% of the time, when someone answered a question completely differently, it's apparent that we actually agree completely, but interpreted the question differently.

[–]sammwwise 2 points3 points ago

I feel like most people mindlessly click through them, which is what I did on my old account. So I made a new OkCupid and answered my questions with more thought and I've had much better luck this time around.

Some questions I couldn't answer because there are so many different ways of rationalizing the question.

[–]pretendent 2 points3 points ago

Add explanations. My questions are full of explanations (errr... too much actually, given my inability to self-censor while online), and I find that when you get deep into a person's questions you start to find really interesting and insightful tidbits about them.

Sometimes I go looking for questions with explanations just because people are fascinating.

[–]elenazztrainwreck 1 point2 points ago

I always go straight to the "with explanations" filter. If we're a really bad match I'll also check out the "unacceptable answers" one. Fun stuff.

[–]pretendent 1 point2 points ago

Those are good ideas! I also think checking the "They care about" filter is good for getting a quick overview of what they (claim to) consider important in dating.

Filtering is powerful. I love it.

[–]elenazztrainwreck 1 point2 points ago

If I am crushing hard I hit up "they care about" third. But that doesn't happen often.

[–]boxen 0 points1 point ago

This is why I skip about half of the questions. I don't really have any data on how that's working out yet, but it seemed like a good idea. I only answer the ones where I can't reasonably justify any of the other answers.

[–]MrConventional 4 points5 points ago

Dear OP.

[–]NikEy 5 points6 points ago

maybe I'm the odd one out, but I just tend to skip questions that I believe to be inane...? No?

[–]PirateKrys25/F/TX/ 11 points12 points ago

To me, gentle sex is more of a bonding experience. I think more slow, deep, more kissing and all that.

Rough sex is to just get off. go fast and hard to cum faster.

I like both, just depends on the mood. Just my opinion on both.

[–]elenazztrainwreck 14 points15 points ago

No no no, rough sex can be incredibly intimate.

[–]PirateKrys25/F/TX/ 4 points5 points ago

Depends on what you're doing.

[–]elenazztrainwreck 1 point2 points ago

For sure.

[–]txtsd22/M/Aranna 2 points3 points ago

Explain.

[–]elenazztrainwreck 0 points1 point ago

I...don't know that I can. My words are failing. It's definitely related to dom/sub dynamics if that helps. Perhaps someone else can chime in?

[–]txtsd22/M/Aranna 0 points1 point ago

You have to try! You're my only hope of knowing how to have intimate rough sex! I'm not familiar with dom/sub stuff. The most I've done in that field is held someone's hands down, and been asked to not use my hands at all. On separate occasions though, and separate people.

[–]duckduck_gooseF/OR/Just Here To Help 1 point2 points ago

I've had some mindbending "gentle sex" where I saw stars and I've had the same mindbending star seeing rough sex too.

[–]elenazztrainwreck 0 points1 point ago

I've only seen stars (for me it's colors) during gentle sex. I have, however, come out the other side of rough sex with a singularly specific emotional connection.

[–]duckduck_gooseF/OR/Just Here To Help 0 points1 point ago

Man I had some rough sex where I saw stars and when I went to stand up the room started spinning and I couldn't feel my legs.

[–]elenazztrainwreck 1 point2 points ago

Oh yea, I've definitely had the spinning room and missing legs. Love that shit.

[–]MIXEDGREENSBIPOLAR, SILVER-TONGUED ASSHOLE/DADDY ISSUES EXPERT/SEXY BITCH 3 points4 points ago

When you're fucking hard, do you have a point you need to get off by or it's just not going to work?

My girlfriend only gets off from medium/slow pace sex. Any attempts at hard fucking apparently make her numb before she has a chance to get off.

[–]PirateKrys25/F/TX/ 3 points4 points ago

I only get off from clitoral stimulation. I've only gotten off once from just vaginal penetration alone.

I just like rough sex, and I don't mean just fast hard fucking, but biting/spanking/scratching/hair being pulled kinda rough sex.

[–]MIXEDGREENSBIPOLAR, SILVER-TONGUED ASSHOLE/DADDY ISSUES EXPERT/SEXY BITCH 0 points1 point ago

GOTCHA. Thanks.

[–]PSORngr23/M 3 points4 points ago

Well according to okcupid anyone that doesn't answer any sex questions other than the ones about rape fantasies (in the negative) is a complete prude.

Which, I'll admit that I am more old-fashioned than normal, but I was avoiding answering those questions for a reason. I've never had a chance to not be old-fashioned....

TLDR: Only stuck up prudes don't secretly want to go on a raping rampage

[–]pretendent 5 points6 points ago

Only stuck up prudes don't secretly want to go on a raping rampage are unwilling to talk about their kinks and fantasies in an open and forthright manner, even if it involves a rape fantasy.

FTFY. I don't want to be too snarky, but I really feel like you aren't giving us more open folk enough credit.

[–]PSORngr23/M 3 points4 points ago

It just happened that three or four rape fantasy questions popped up in my first 75 questions. I have no desire to play out a rape fantasy (just the potential legal ramifications make it completely off-putting to me) so I answered them.

I haven't answered the other sex questions (how often would you have sex, do you like rough sex, etc) b/c I can't. I don't know, I've never done it. With how my mind works I can't guess at my preferences to something I haven't tried unless it is just super off-putting for me (like rape).

I have nothing against people that like rape fantasies. I just cannot do it, so I answered so women that want them won't bother me with those wishes.

*Edit: To further clarify this is what I'm moaning about with the top two and bottom three seeming to be driven solely by my answers to the rape questions. The second and third to last make okcupid know more about me than I know about myself.

[–]pretendent 2 points3 points ago

OK, that's fair. I hope you find your kinks and are able to openly discuss them with your future partner(s).

[–]Sochbatwww.okcupid.com/profile/SochBATT 3 points4 points ago

I am a man, and I like gentle sex time. Bitches love gentle sex!

[–]IAmA_Zombie 7 points8 points ago

Just make sure you respect her. Bitches love respect.

[–]Matterplay28/M/Toronto/_Luka_/Neuro 1 point2 points ago

Just make sure you respect her. Bitches with stable childhoods love respect.

FTFY

[–]Kiwispam84 2 points3 points ago

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: You don't always have to fuck her hard. In fact, sometimes, that.'s not right to do.

[–]contexxxt24/M/DC/spaceisNEAT 3 points4 points ago

So you know how sometimes OkCupid gives you little statistics on your drop down menu?

You are not in a minority, you are in an overwhelming majority.

[–]jaysun92 4 points5 points ago

Not that strange, there's even a song about it by Tenacious D-Fuck Her Gently

[–]Noze_Zelle21/M/zerofuckstogive 1 point2 points ago

serenaded a girl with this. we fucked 2 days later. COINCIDENCE? probably.

[–]DoesntBrian2Gud 2 points3 points ago

In a similar vein, I am pretty sure I got that steal is to... puzzle right. Like, I looked it up on the internet, I even whipped out a sheet of paper to make sure I didn't fuck it up. So when people actually list it as mandatory and fuck it up, I sometimes wonder if there are multiple ways towards approaching the question and I just chose the most obvious route.

[–]steamwhistler24/m/ontario[S] 0 points1 point ago

I think there's something about that in one of the FAQs for this subreddit someplace, and apparently it's quite controversial for some reason.

[–]Callix23/F/bi/poly 2 points3 points ago

I guess I'm one of those girls who you keep bumping into, sorry :/

If I want to bond with you I'll cuddle. If I want to get off, then fucking fuck me already. (That seems harsher when I type it).

Regardless though, don't change your answer. Because anyone who flags you for saying you like both clearly isn't even open to the idea, which isn't a good sign if it's something you enjoy.

[–]untowardlands 1 point2 points ago

"Regardless though, don't change your answer. Because anyone who flags you for saying you like both clearly isn't even open to the idea, which isn't a good sign if it's something you enjoy."

I agree with this. Don't view it as them flagging you for what you enjoy, view it as them flagging themselves as someone who you would not be compatible with.

[–]Symbiotx26 / M / Middle of nowhere 2 points3 points ago

This blog is really interesting, check out the chart about rough sex. It shows that the preference for rough sex declines for women while it increases for men.

[–]steamwhistler24/m/ontario[S] 1 point2 points ago

That is interesting. Thanks.

[–]JPize 1 point2 points ago

Best use of meme I've seen in a while. Fell over laughing.

[–]steamwhistler24/m/ontario[S] 0 points1 point ago

Haha! Thanks!

[–]frig_meh / half-empty / oh bother 1 point2 points ago

women: just don't knock it till you try it with someone who knows what he's doing. that's all us gentle dudes are asking.

despite the fact that i'm gentle 90+% of the time, the usual reaction to my sexin' is, "so, uh...you're pretty good at that."

/end of plea that sounds more like a boast but is really a plea

[–]bobsagetfullhouse 1 point2 points ago

The thought of someone actually going into a store with a cocked gun and saying this is fucking hilarious.

[–]ggggbabybabybaby27/m/nice penis 2 points3 points ago

I'm beginning to wonder if people have ever had good gentle sex. It's pretty awesome.

[–]elenazztrainwreck 5 points6 points ago

It is awesome. It helps when you have a nice penis.

[–]untowardlands 8 points9 points ago

It totally ruins everything when you have a sarcastic penis.

[–]hyperbolic_hamster32 / M / Io (the moon of Jupiter) 1 point2 points ago

My penis is actually a huge asshole. :(

It's a medical condition. Don't judge.

[–]PirateKrys25/F/TX/ 2 points3 points ago

Front Butt

[–]elenazztrainwreck 2 points3 points ago

Don't feed it chocolate.

[–]MIXEDGREENSBIPOLAR, SILVER-TONGUED ASSHOLE/DADDY ISSUES EXPERT/SEXY BITCH 0 points1 point ago

My penis is far from nice, and it's still awesome!

Well, my girlfriend says it's "perfect," but I think we all know what that means, lol.

[–]JDogish 3 points4 points ago

I've heard that before and I thought it was bogus, too, then my penis got a better paying job than me. :(

[–]MIXEDGREENSBIPOLAR, SILVER-TONGUED ASSHOLE/DADDY ISSUES EXPERT/SEXY BITCH 1 point2 points ago

I like you.

[–]JDogish 0 points1 point ago

You mean my penis, don't you...

[–]elenazztrainwreck 1 point2 points ago

Does it mean it's perfect?

[–]RalarenOTCRalaren/f/21 0 points1 point ago

nope. i want rough rough rough. All the time.

[–]FA_in_PJ 0 points1 point ago

A little Tenacious D would seem appropriate at the moment.

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