this post was submitted on
301 points (86% like it)
359 up votes 58 down votes

Parenting

unsubscribe21,185 readers

/r/Parenting is intended to be a mix of discussions, news articles, photos and blog posts related to having and raising children of any age.


Moderation Policy

We use the reddit FAQ guidelines for spam when removing spam posts.

If your submission does not appear in the new tab, and you don't think that it counts as spam, then it may have been automatically flagged by the spam filter. Message the moderators, and we will free it for you (assuming it is not actually spam.)

Blog posts - The community has spoken: If you only submit links to your own content, your links will most likely be considered spam and will be removed. We suggest being an active member of reddit before submitting links to your own site.

Cute pictures of your kids – These are somewhat controversial, and some community members do not want them posted here. While they will not actively be removed, the Parenting mods recommend you proceed with caution. Consider posting in /r/CuteKids or /r/aww.

Rage comics or advice animals – Again these won't be actively removed, but consider posting in /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu or /r/AdviceAnimals.


Please keep discussions civil and respectful. Know your reddiquette!

Make this subreddit a better place by voting and participating in the new section.

Related Subreddits:

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 67 comments

[–]dietotaku 12 points13 points ago

my MIL says she dressed her 3 boys in identical outfits. that way if one got lost (invariably playing hide-n-seek in the clothes racks) she could just go up and say "he looks like this one!"

[–]organicatheist 9 points10 points ago

I did this with my sons when they were younger. Also really bright colours like orange if we were going somewhere crowded like the zoo.

[–]ajehals 7 points8 points ago

Ha, I thought I'd be clever and get my youngest a bright orange jacket to wear when we went out to a city street festival, all that achieved was repeated panic attacks as I saw some other kid of the same height and identical jacket wandering away at a distance (damn you lot, Orange was my colour).

[–]TheNargrath 0 points1 point ago

My parents did this for us, too. Though that was called "Early 80's K-Mart apparel."

Oddly, something my father did early on was Pavlov us to a specific whistle he did. We heard that whistle, which carried very well, and we knew to target the source.

[–]arabis 24 points25 points ago

To those who are suggesting it's an over-reaction, the tip does say "before departing to an event", not "before leaving the house". So, if you are going to a busy theme park, for example. Seems like a good idea to me!

[–]kevinstonge 14 points15 points ago

there's the right answer. :)

Going to the zoo? take a picture of the kids excited at the gates to go in!

No fricken problem. Kids aren't damaged for life, parents have a little extra sense of security for something that can be a little scary.

This subreddit is so full of shit it is unbelievable. Every single post is filled with comments about how OP is a stupid, horrible, deranged parent. Can we get some kind of rules in this place? I'm subscribed because I have a one year old and I thought the subreddit would be nice for tips (like this one), but I almost can't stand all the arrogance.

[–]arabis 6 points7 points ago

I agree that some people in this sub-reddit can be pretty judgemental in regards to parenting.

It's really all about the context. I mean, sure, if you made your children stand next to one of those "height strips" you see at the liquor store and take pictures before they leave for school in the morning... that'd be a little weird. But snapping some pictures of your kids before they go into a crowded theme park, a concert, or a sporting event? Friggin' awesome idea.

[–]fengshui 2 points3 points ago

These are all very good points. The recommendation is for "any event", which is probably a stretch, but at a large public event, once or twice a year, I could see some benefit.

I would object to the email's describing "a child gets lost" as "unthinkable". It's that adjective that gives the impression that the police officer here was implying something greater than just lost at the mall.

[–]Herff 2 points3 points ago

Hell, I'm already taking pictures of my kids all the time since I always have a camera on me due to my cell phone. I don't understand why some people are flipping out over this like it's some sort of invasion of your child's privacy. Documenting your kid's life is what parents do. You can take pictures of your kid without keeping them on a leash.

[–]hanlon 38 points39 points ago

It seems like that kind of habit could drive you crazy with paranoia. Although it would be interesting as an excuse to have a picture for every day.

[–]OhMrAnger 17 points18 points ago

I read this more as when going to something like an amusement park or a zoo when they said event. Doing it before you go to the store or playground is a bit crazy, but for a really crowded special event it seems reasonable.

[–]hanlon 0 points1 point ago

Ah yes, somehow I didn't see the word "event" when I read it the first time. That is definitely more reasonable, but I'd still be concerned about the mindset it puts you in if your primary reason for taking the picture was fear. Going to an event is justification enough to take a picture though, not just for security but for memories.

[–]Old-Ben-Kenobi 13 points14 points ago

Agreed. Making sure you always have a recent photo seems like a good idea, taking one every time you go out seems like a step towards covering them in bubble wrap before you let them play on the jungle gym.

[–]fengshui 48 points49 points ago

Remember, your kids are watching you do this. How self-confident do you think they'll feel when every day they're reminded "I need to take a picture of you in case you're abducted".

The vast majority of abductions are by parents or family members. Roughly 75 kids a year experience a stereotypical kidnapping out of tens of millions of children. Our streets have been getting safer every year since the 70s. Fight the perception of safety. Please trust your kids, and give them the freedom and independence that we had. http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/

[–]tectonicus 9 points10 points ago

I would imagine that people are more worried about the kid wandering off than being abducted.

[–]RosieRose23 9 points10 points ago

So what is wrong with taking a picture of them outside of whatever big place you're going to? How would they know what it was for? Don't most people take those kinds of pictures anyways just for the memories?

Mind you, abduction is not the only reason this could be useful. My mom brought a friend and I to Cedar Point for my 11th birthday. I wanted to ride the carousel before we left (it was dark and park was closing) and they didn't, so they sat at a table near by. Long story short, I fell into a slot that the horses moved back and forth in and they took me away to the first aid station. Of course, my mom flipped when everyone got off the ride and I wasn't there. She went to security and in her panic, she described me in what I was wearing the day before, and moron security, although I had them looking for her too, didn't put two and two together and she couldn't find me for about an hour, and the park had closed by then and most people had left. Yes, it would have helped if the security guy wasn't a moron and could figure out that maybe my mom was looking for the little blonde girl in a blue striped shirt with her hair down instead of the little blonde girl in an orange shirt with a ponytail that mom described, but I guess you can't count on other people not to be idiots.

[–]fengshui 0 points1 point ago

I guess. Most kids who get lost self-identify as lost pretty clearly through tears or cries for mom and dad. Having a recent picture of your child makes sense, but taking a shot regularly to document clothing does have an impact on the child. Most of the time, I can tell you what my child is wearing when we're out and about anyways.

I think it can make sense in specific situations, like say at an amusement park, or other large gathering of people. My concern is more with doing it for "any event".

[–]drawdelove 15 points16 points ago

You don't tell them that's the reason!

[–]RugerRedhawk 5 points6 points ago

lol I don't think you need to tell them the reasoning, just a quick "say cheese!" should do the trick.

[–]pablitorun 1 point2 points ago

This has very little to do with being abducted. This is just in case you get separated from your kids so the police or security can help you find them quickly.

In the mall "a 5 year old old 4 foot tall boy wearing a bright red sweatshirt and blue jeans" is much easier to find and return to the parent then "a five year old boy"

[–]hypo11 0 points1 point ago

Roughly 75 kids a year experience a stereotypical kidnapping out of tens of millions of children.

Do you have a source on that number? I am sure you are correct that the risk of being kidnapped by parents or family members is significantly higher than being snatched at random by some stranger on the street - but even still, 75 per year in the entire country seems awfully low.

[–]fengshui 0 points1 point ago

Sure. The number is actually 115, according to the 2002 data I have from the Department of Justice: http://www.missingkids.com/en_US/documents/nismart2_nonfamily.pdf

Crime rates are down since the early 2000s, so I'd expect the number to lower in recent years, but I don't have a hard number for that. Sorry about the initial error. I think my argument still holds at 115 as well as it does at 75.

[–]hypo11 0 points1 point ago

Thank you for providing this link. I'd agree - 115 is effectively the same in scale as 75.

Though reviewing this document there were 58,200 non-family abducted children that year. I am not quite sure what the difference is between the 58,200 nonfamily abductions and the 115 stereotypical kidnappings (even after reading table 1). However 58,200 seems much more in keeping what what I'd have expected.

[–]Rishodi 0 points1 point ago

Fully agreed, but crime rates actually peaked around 1990, not in the 70s, and have since fallen precipitously.

[–]optimaloutcome 34 points35 points ago

I tried this but I have a lot of problems getting a clear picture. The bubble she's in throws off a lot of glare.

[–]onewarriorprincess 3 points4 points ago

I did this the only time I've braved Black Friday with my two daughters and ONLY because I was going alone with no other adult help (they were 0 and 2). I ended up not needing it for the reason stated in this post, but only got a cute picture of the three of us out of it.

[–]CrunchyGeek 9 points10 points ago

I regularly do this to my kids. My eldest was a "runner" for the longest time, so I wanted to make sure that I had a good, current picture to show in case he really got lost.

I also have been known to write my cell phone number on their arms so that they can show an adult how to get in touch with me if we get separated - although now that my eldest is 6 I often just have him carry one of my business cards around in his pocket. He thinks it's cool to have mom's business card, so he's not likely to lose it.

[–]RedditStoleMyMan[S] 8 points9 points ago

My husband and I are expecting our first in February. I figured it takes 2 seconds to take a pic and with it being our first we'll be photo crazy anyways.

When I was little my dad would always take me to a spot at the front of the store or amusement park and introduce me to a worker and say "if u get lost come here and tell them your name and my name and I will come get you." I got lost once in Target, did this and all the employees were so impressed! I was like 5!

[–]clarusdogcow 2 points3 points ago

You worry so much with your first, and really think life is going to work out a particular way. Reality is such a different story. This was a good tip, but being that we're absolute photo crazy anyway with our boy ( he's going to be 5 in a few months ) I wonder the chances of us ever actually losing him. In a fairly real sense, I don't need to do a mugshot before every event as if the police needed a picture of my son, I'd probably have to hand them a sdcard full of what he was up to the point he went missing, with everyone around him (= edit: It's probably only a tip I'd use once he was older and going out with friends. But that seems a little overprotective at that point!

[–]RedditStoleMyMan[S] 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, I think it's a bit crazy for EVERYTIME you go out but it's a good idea for those big crowd moments. One thing I think is crazy are those child leashes. I guess if your kid is an active runner (like 2 seconds and it's where the fuck did they go) then I guess if it works for you. But I hope I never have to use those.

[–]clarusdogcow 0 points1 point ago

It also got me thinking about when my son gets older and would want to be with friends instead of parents, at say an amusement park, to take a shot of all the friends together as they wouldn't find that too intrusive and would accomplish the same goal. Or encourage your kids' friends to take pictures of each other on their phones as to avoid a routine of "Halt citizen! stand still and don't smile while I capture your profile!" cshht before he goes off with his friends. ( If I did take a picture EVERY time, I'd have to do it in a robocop voice )

It must be a hard decision to decide your kid needs a leash. I personally couldn't do that to my child but, maybe if my child were worse about it I'd have a different opinion? I don't know if it makes me a good parent or not, but my boy is an independent sort and would do things like walk to where he wanted to go if it were different than the direction I was going. It was starting to become a 'thing' and getting fairly annoying so instead of call him back when he'd wander, I'd step off to the side out of his view, and wait. Eventually he would turn around looking for me, see me gone, then freak right out. I'd step out from where I was standing and say "I was here, but you need to watch me too. I might not always see you" That only needed to happen twice and since then I have a child that stays by me all the time. He'll now grab my hand and tell me what he wants to go see if we're in a crowded place, like a fairground, or suchlike. I kind of see the child leash as the last recourse for adults who never found the right way to make an impression on their child to behave otherwise. But you never know the full story about other people's lives. I'd like to think there is always a good reason for it.

edit: typos

[–]muddylemon 20 points21 points ago

Another helpful tip: When you go out in public, keep an eye on your kids.

[–]tbotcotw -5 points-4 points ago

Or just don't worry about child abductions. They're extremely rare.

[–]RugerRedhawk 8 points9 points ago

Kids get lost too you know. You seem really bent out of shape about this throughout the thread.

[–]tbotcotw 0 points1 point ago

How many kids get lost and don't get found, because of a lack of a picture taken that very day?

I'm unsure how telling people that their fears of a kidnapping are unfounded is being "bent out of shape".

[–]RosieRose23 6 points7 points ago

Is this not more of a tip for if your kid runs off and you want to find them quickly?

[–]tbotcotw -2 points-1 points ago

Find the crying kid seems to work fine, too.

[–]gmpalmer 2 points3 points ago

I was ready to cringe when I saw the JSO symbol but it's actually good advice. We do this for sure every time we go to Disney.

[–]therealmrmule 2 points3 points ago

Best tip i saw at a public event with lots of kids....

write your mobile phone number on your kids arm in permanent ink!

[–]FixerOfTheKluge 2 points3 points ago

Im not worried about my kids being abducted, Im worried about them wandering off and getting distracted like a child.

When going somewhere like this, I've taught my kids my cell phone number and also put a piece of paper in their pocket and tell them to find someone to give it to with their name, my name and my cell numbers.

[–]IcarusCrashing 4 points5 points ago

BRILLIANT IDEA. I'm going to try to remember to do this from now on.

[–]parker214 7 points8 points ago

I do this with my son. For those who think it's paranoia, I feel like it's a very small, easy, harmless thing to do, that could help a lot of the worst happens.

[–]alcimedes 10 points11 points ago

Plus, awesome montage when he graduates.

[–]parker214 2 points3 points ago

Meh, not really. Most are just quick shots of him at the beginning of a day when I'd end up taking more pictures of him anyways. I've deleted most of them, as they aren't especially great pictures of him. I only do it when we're going somewhere unfamiliar or very crowded (like the zoo, amusement park, really crowded mall at Christmastime, etc...).

[–]Lunaesa 8 points9 points ago

Helicopter parenting at its worst, guys. Come on, now.

[–]RosieRose23 4 points5 points ago

Don't you normally take pictures of your kids when you are out on big trips anyways?

[–]butt-puppet 4 points5 points ago

FUCK! I was already paranoid as hell taking my daughter to play grounds, play-places, etc. Now I'm going to be doing this too.

(Should the worst thing happen, and this actually pay off, I will find you, and I will hug the shit out of you.)

[–]matjam 15 points16 points ago

You're not feeling paranoia. You're feeling parenthood. It fucking scares me how much I love my crazy little shitmonkey.

[–]TheNargrath 0 points1 point ago

You know you've changed into a parent when the kid pukes 30% of their body weight on you in one go, and your first thought is to comfort them.

[–]MuzzyIsMe 0 points1 point ago

So sad. Was just talking to my wife this morning about how I feel society shelters and coddles so much nowadays out of fear.

You take your kid to the park and instead of all the kids running around getting dirty, it's every parent shadowing their child and all the kids nervously staring at each other.

[–]mrslowloris -3 points-2 points ago

Then dog tags, then tracking implants. Prepare for the worst, right?

[–]briedcan -2 points-1 points ago

Paranoid much!?