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When a childless friend gives me parenting advice. (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by DaisyLayz

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[–]itsnotaonesie 45 points46 points ago

I did some of my best parenting before I had kids.

[–]drjacksahib 31 points32 points ago

I was one of those guys. Now, I have 5 yo and a 2 yo.

I stand by every word. Every. Word.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]drjacksahib 4 points5 points ago

You don't magically gain parenting skills through hormonal changes. Some people don't even gain them through experience.

But mostly, I kept my mouth shut except when people were being idiots.

[–]HomerJunior 6 points7 points ago

Advice? Fine, some of it's good even. Criticism? That's a ಠ_ಠ

[–]ibiscat 13 points14 points ago

Supernanny (Jo Frost) has no children. I think that experience should be considered. My sister was born when I was 12. I babysat her for 6 years. I've taught for 7 and studied child psychology for those seven years trying many things out on my students and studying the results. I believe I know a lot.

[–]SamuelLBronkowicz -5 points-4 points ago

Hahahaha! You have no idea. You're in for a treat if/when you have kids.

My favorite interview, when we were looking for nannies for our twins, was the woman who'd nannied for years and a few months prior had a kid of her own. She was a total mess...sleep-deprived, stressed-out, and run-down to the max. She completely bombed the interview...and my wife and I, thinking we knew what we were doing, decided she was crazy (later, after the twins were born, we understood).

My favorite quote from her (paraphrased): "I've been a nanny for fifteen years. I thought I knew how all of this worked. I've lectured parents for years on what to do. Only none of it works now, and I don't know what to do!"

We met her again about a year later, and it turned out she wasn't crazy. She was just a new parent forced to figure it out despite the fact that she'd previously known everything.

Trust me, you don't know a thing. Your studies might give you a leg up if you happen to have a kid they apply to, just barely. More likely you'll be just as clueless as everyone else.

I have no idea who Jo Frost is. Since she has "super" in front of her title, I'm guessing she's an awesome nanny. Nanny != parent, though, and if she doesn't have kids, she doesn't have much of an idea about being a parent.

Babysitting != parenting, either. There are similarities, for sure, but there's practically nothing you can learn from the former that is applicable to the latter.

You'll see.

[–]BatiDari 0 points1 point ago

You will have easier start than most of us, because you are experienced in past. I thought I was ready! Got all insights (or as i thought i did) about how to make baby happy! At the end I got suprised by my own baby.

Turned out I wasnt completely prepared to have baby that loves to sleep but hates to go to bed. She hates when i try to make her sleep... when i tried to do graphic with rituals - she figured out what ritual stands for and started crying on bath part! And that is baby who loves the bath too :D. At the end I got baby that had 26 hours/day till 1.5 years. She would sleep once for 12 hours + sometimes (not always!) 2-4 hours in the day. I never saw anything about that in any book or article. I was trying different doctor advices, but they also was lost with my case :/. "Try to live through it - it should fix itself in time".

But I believe I got unlucky about this happening. But I got best portion of "in your face" type of fix for my lack of experience!

[–]heathermaria 97 points98 points ago

Being a parent, you should also know that sage and wise advice can even come from a 5 year old. There isn't a person on Earth you couldn't learn something from. Even if you don't agree with another person's take on your situation, you can thank them for trying to be helpful then walk away without being sarcastic or dismissive. I know it's an attempt to be funny. Perhaps I should lighten up, but for some reason it just irked me.

[–]jsalazar3 28 points29 points ago

As the owner of a 5-year old, I can confirm this as fact. My son constantly enlightens me to new things, new ways of seeing things. I wish I could see the world through his eyes, he has much to teach me.

I am saddened that I have but only one upvote to give you.

[–]AsCrazyAsImSane 24 points25 points ago

laughed really hard at "as an owner".

[–]The_Blue_Llama 5 points6 points ago

As the owner of 19 and 17-year olds, I can confirm that they know everything, and I know nothing. Just ask them.

[–]Etteril 42 points43 points ago

The issue for me isn't really that people without kids can't give good advice. It's that people who are more likely to give unsolicited advice are also more likely to not know what the hell they're talking about, whether it's because they don't have experience or they're just plain ignorant...

That said, I completely agree with you. The person I take the most advice from about marriage and kids isn't married and doesn't have any kids. But she's a decent human being and a solid, loyal friend who is going to give me advice in the best interest of my marriage and in the best interest of my child. That's all it takes, folks,

[–]ostrakon 14 points15 points ago

My first is on the way, and 95% of the inane, unsolicited advice we get are from parents with shitty kids, so...

[–]pdclkdc 30 points31 points ago

having a child does not automatically make you an expert on raising children. There are an aweful lot of fucked up or asshole inconsiderate children out there due to their idiot parents.

I see it equivalent to driving -- 90% of drivers are assholes but everyone thinks they're great at it

[–]Etteril 7 points8 points ago

Yes. And the people who are the worst at it are usually the same people who tell you what to do when you're driving. People who are decent at something usually see their own flaws and therefore think they're not that special.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

Your last sentence gave me a boost of confidence in a weird way because people who are close to me beg me not to dismiss my accomplishments or myself all the time, but all I can see are the ways I can improve and therefore I often feel like I suck at everything.

[–]Median1 2 points3 points ago

Downing Effect.

I have noticed this specifically on how people rate themselves on MS Excel. Here comes a sad attempt at a table in reddit comments:

What skill they have | What skill they say they have

1|9

2|10

3|10

4|10

5|9

6|8

7|6

8|6

9|7

10|7

Me: "So the job I am hiring for needs an expert in excel, are you an expert?"

Them: "Oh yeah, I know all about Excel."

M: "On a one to ten scale, where would you put yourself."

T: "Definitely a 9 or 10."

M: "Can you walk me through the parts of a Vlookup and what they do."

T: "I am not familiar with that part of Excel..."

EDIT: Fixed typo, thanks.

[–]PsykickPriest 6 points7 points ago

Defiantly a 9 or 10? Who are they defying?

[–]ialsohaveadobro 1 point2 points ago

I understood this typo when I saw it on student papers: they were typing "definately" and getting corrected to the nearest correct word. But on reddit comments? Has there been a cumulative crappening effect across platforms?

[–]vishnoo 0 points1 point ago

spot on ,

it is the "unsolicited" bit that usually annoys.

The best advice we ever got (on more than one occasion) was from a childless friend of my wife, who is (professionally) an expert on inter-personal communication (NVC , CNVC). to her, children are just people.

[–]revolvingdoor 8 points9 points ago

You just shat on the hate parade.

[–]electricmice 9 points10 points ago

as an introspective person who was once a child, i can give really good advice on how to raise children. i've spent many years analyzing why things turned out the way they did and i'm pretty sure i understand it. so indeed, i am childless but can give very good advice.

[–]aoirghe 0 points1 point ago

Everyone thinks they give very good advice, though.

[–]electricmice 0 points1 point ago

this is only true of people who are not introspective and analytical. i know i give horrible relationship advice.

[–]Zaliika 11 points12 points ago

Thanks for writing this. I may not have kids, but I'm a human. I was abused as a child, so I know what I'm talking about if I see someone treating their child without respect. I helped raise four siblings and have been teaching for over 10 years, I have two uni degrees in education and child development... It annoys me that some people are so ready to dismiss people and belittle them because they're 'not a parent'.
It goes for everything really; you don't always have to experience something to be able to see a better way to do it. If you don't agree with what someone says, hey, that's your opinion, and that's fine, but there's no need to be nasty about it.
The worst I had was people older than me telling me I know nothing because I'm young and went to uni, and that when I'm old I'll understand why they're racist. Really. Can't we all play nice?

[–]lllkkk 1 point2 points ago

"you're opinion" - just a typo?

[–]Zaliika 1 point2 points ago

Grr. Yes. Either that or damn iPhone autocorrect, I hate typing on this thing. Thanks for pointing it out! :)

[–]pleinedepoisson1 2 points3 points ago

This. A million times this. I KNOW what neglect looks like. I lived through it. I didn't know at the time. My parents might not have known at the time (but I have my doubts, judging by comments my mother made about not telling people about the mess or the food). Years later, having left, I can see that it was not okay, and I can identify the same trends in other people.

I have worked with teenagers who came from homes whose parents did not know how to deal with their extreme emotional outbursts except through hitting or caving into the temper tantrum. I received obscene amounts of training to avoid falling into those patterns and know a considerable amount about effective techniques to help teach appropriate behaviors. Yet god forbid I tell a parent, who was complaining about her kid's behavior problems and using phrases like, "I just don't know what to do anymore," some successful techniques given dedication and commitment. I don't have kids, so what do I know?

[–]Zaliika 1 point2 points ago

I feel you, bro (sister?)
HUGS

[–]BatiDari 0 points1 point ago

Cant wait for my daughter to be 5 years old :). She is 2 right now and even now she present for me another view on things... It interesting how she hears and see things slightly different and tries to explain it! I defenately learning "seeing things with baby eyes" from her even now!

[–]MorningLtMtn -5 points-4 points ago

I've never had a friend without a child give anything that even approaches the neighborhood of relevant parenting advice.

[–]PsykickPriest 3 points4 points ago

Probably just depends on the situation, and there isn't a consistent rule that would always work on this. Some childless people probably have some great ideas. Some people with a bunch of kids never really learned or figured out much of anything.

[–]Trishlovesdolphins 2 points3 points ago

Really? That's sad. At my baby shower the hostess did one of those, "write down advice for the new mom" type of activities. Half of the people there had no children, and yet every single paper had good advice. Everything from the best way to get kids to eat veggies to a "magic monster repellant" recipe.

[–]organicatheist 1 point2 points ago

The general parenting advice we get from childless friends is along the lines of, "Well if it were MY child I would never let them do THAT." They seem to think that kids are robots that you program for how you want them to behave. It's not so much advice as a judgement on behaviour.

[–]ahronzombi -2 points-1 points ago

Okay, yeah sure.

[–]clunkclunk 29 points30 points ago

I know as much about parenting now that I'm a father than I did before.

The only thing that's changed is experience. I've put some of that knowledge in to use, rather than on paper.

You know what? 95% of what I believed before, and gave advice on, I was right (so far -- things can always change). Disregarding a person's insight simply because they don't have kids is short sighted. They may not have the experience, but that's not everything.

[–]BatiDari 3 points4 points ago

The thing that most childless people lack is understanding that there are different types of kids. They do give advices but they not always work for others. But they will insist that they are right and others are wrong... and its a problem sometimes :D.

[–]SamuelLBronkowicz -3 points-2 points ago

Haha...wait until you have another one. The first one was easy and validated all the crap you think you know. You got lucky. #2 is going to fuck you up, and to be honest, you have it coming. Good luck!

[–]kyngnothing 2 points3 points ago

I can see changing specific tactics, but I don't believe you can totally change your whole philosophy. (and yes, I have two, who are dramatically different). Or am I only allowed to comment when I have three now?

[–]SamuelLBronkowicz -4 points-3 points ago

Ummm...go back and re-read...you completely missed the joke.

[–]thedude42 -2 points-1 points ago

So much this. Our second has been so completely different from our first and we play so many things by ear. Maybe we're less anxious about things but we're no more prepared for what we encounter than we were the first time around.

The ONLY thing I know to do for both of them that works every time: pay attention to what the are trying to communicate, and love them with all I can give.

[–]clunkclunk -1 points0 points ago

Haha! I've heard that from others, my own mother included. I'm always open to have my preconceptions shattered.

[–]pkulak 6 points7 points ago

Before I had kids I never wanted to give parents advice based on my experience as a dog owner. Now, though, I know that as long as the kid is under 2, it all applies.

[–]rainman_104 0 points1 point ago

The problem is all we are experts on is raising our own kids. They're all unique and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for the other. The worse IMO are grandparents who forget everything about how hard it is to raise children, but have no problem wagging a finger at you on how you raise your children...

[–]BatiDari 0 points1 point ago

It didnt apply for my daughter! :) And I had... let me think. More than 10 dogs and 6 cats in my live...

Different kids, I guess :).

[–]pkulak 0 points1 point ago

I've learned that with kids and dogs it's all about incentives and especially reverse incentives. Think like an economist and you'll be alright.

[–]smileforthelerts 26 points27 points ago

You shouldn't disregard someone else's opinion like that; all are valid. I'm only seventeen (no kids), and have recently moved out of home. My parents weren't bad people, they just couldn't cope with their own problems enough to create a stable environment.

Recently my Aunt came over from England, and I remember talking to her about parenting. Mostly I commended her on her wonderful daughters, but when she expressed her concern for when they grew older I gave her my own reflections. I didn't act like an expert or pretend I knew more than her, I just told her what I did know. It saddens me to think she might have felt how you do, and disregarded what I had to say.

Part of being a parent is taking the perspectives of others into consideration. My parents would disregard me constantly. If I was sad I was being dramatic - I was too young to know what being sad really was. If I tried to express how I felt my feelings were immature; I was just a kid, I'd get over it. And never could I suggest there were ways they could improve their parenting, because I was just a kid, and what the hell did I know?

tl;dr Parenting is hard - don't scorn others for trying to help.

[–]idiogeckmatic 15 points16 points ago

TBH teenagers can have pretty good perspective at times considering they were kids much more recently and still deal with the whole child/parent relationship.

In my experience, teenagers give better parenting advice than 30 somethings without kids.

[–]Devoidarex 21 points22 points ago

You shouldn't disregard someone else's opinion like that; all are valid.

I don't know who taught you that, but this is nonsense. Not all opinions are valid, not all opinions are worth having, not all opinions are equal, and not all opinions are worth listening to.

People are taught that, for some reason, their opinion is valuable, even when it is based on ignorance or stupidity. The smarter people among them will eventually come to realize that opinions that come from a position of knowledge are far more valuable.

[–]BatiDari 2 points3 points ago

You did give advice with your perspective and its fine. It actually very valued advice, so dont feel like your oppinion would be trowned away like that - I hightly doubt that!

Most advicers I have curretly, for example (mut be because my daughter is 2 years old!), is about how to raise baby. How to make baby happy and non-crying sort... usual stuff. People who advice and have no real experience on this part is often (not always though) insist on their oppinion and will almost assault you for doing things "wrong". Those kind of advicers are pain to deal with :).

[–]aoirghe 13 points14 points ago

This is how I respond to the "You wouldn't have to have had an induction/used formula/had a c-section if you had just tried harder" bullshit. Or to pregnant women who think their birthplan is going to go exactly as it looks on paper!

[–]Charlie-Green-Rug 8 points9 points ago

Our daughter is just over two months old now. I never understood the whole 'birthplan' thing. Surely the birthplan for all deliveries is the same?

Get the baby out.

If you gotta use drugs, then you gotta use drugs. If you gotta get a c-section, you gotta get a c-section. It's not like planning a picnic. You do whatever it takes to get the job done.

The mother-in-law was a real pain in the ass leading up to the birth (and still is really) bombarding my wife and I with 'natural birthing method' books, and constantly relating stories about how so-and-so from work has a daughter, she didn't need to use any drugs etc. I was like "Is this woman insane? Doesn't she remember giving birth? Why the fuck would you not want your daughter to use pain relief?"

[–]summernot 9 points10 points ago

There are options available to parents. A birth plan, imo, is simply a way of documenting the pair's preferences. Examples:

  • Collecting cord blood vs. delayed cord clamping vs. clamping the cord immediately

  • The option to drink clear liquids during labor

  • Restricting the use of artificial nipples (bottles, pacifiers) to avoid nipple confusion

  • Limiting cervical checks to avoid the risk of chorioamnionitis

  • Restricting visitors

  • Immediate skin-to-skin contact post-delivery and the option to do all checks on the baby while it is skin-to-skin, vs at the warmer

  • Delaying eye ointment long enough for the baby to have a look around first

  • Having certain music playing during labor and/or delivery. I heard someone playing Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" in the L&D room next door to mine at one point. no lie.

  • Specifying any sort of religious or other cultural traditions to be observed during labor, delivery or immediately following

  • and, of course, pain management preferences. Even when opting for drugs, there are choices and decisions to be made. Couples may want to have an idea of what choices they prefer in advance and to present these in their plan.

It's not so much a plan for how the parents-to-be expect the labor/delivery to happen as it is a list of preferences and choices spelled out in advance, based on their research and deliberations leading up to the time of delivery. It's not just for natural birthers. No matter if you choose to be knocked out for your labor or if you choose to go squat in a field, you have to make decisions. This is simply a way of listing out those decisions as best you can ahead of time.

[–]Trishlovesdolphins 0 points1 point ago

And any or all of that might get tossed out of the window. I didn't want to hold my son until he was cleaned off. I have a weak stomach, and I did not want the first time I held him to end up in me throwing up all over him. I told the doctor that, and she said she'd follow my wishes, but asked again before cleaning him up so that if I had changed my mind (she said a lot of people do) I had the option. I just couldn't. I can't even watch ER or doctor shows without getting nauseous at the blood.

[–]summernot 0 points1 point ago

That's why it's all only a plan. I think everyone who does one acknowledges that labor is very dynamic, and plans change. That's why I used the word preferences and not the word demands.

However, things like your preference to see the baby after being cleaned off are exactly why it's handy to have something in the chart. You never know if you'll be working with an OB on-call instead of your OB or if there might be a nurse shift change, or your primary nurse has to be called away and you get a backup nurse. Having a quick set of bullets is a good way for them to familiarize themselves right away with any special requests/preferences.

[–]Trishlovesdolphins 0 points1 point ago

Woo boy. I hope more people view it that way, but I have a friend, who no joke, had her birth plan so detailed, she wanted the doctor to time delivery to her music so that her child came out during a particular song... God, I wish I could remember which one it was.

[–]tippytoez 15 points16 points ago

The concept of natural birth is kind of silly to be honest. So we go our whole pregnancy getting the best prenatal care; blood tests for genetic abnormalities, ultrasounds to check for all the body parts and assure ourselves that everything is growing properly, monitoring of our weight, monitoring of our urine for pre-eclampsia, and on and on. Then suddenly because we gave birth without an epidural, we did it "naturally." Heh, okay.

[–]Dourpuss 2 points3 points ago

The idea is that natural birth is the safest method. It's neat that we have the science for all the rest and can find out some fetal mysteries, and it's fantastic that we have tools at our disposal in case something goes wrong. Ideally birth is natural. Ideally we live until 80+ with all of our teeth. But I'm not going to shame my friends for their fillings, caps, crowns, partials, implants. And I'm glad my cousin got dentures, she looked funny without teeth.

[–]Aenyx 4 points5 points ago

I wish I could upvote this more.

[–]aoirghe 2 points3 points ago

Many women are adamant that WILL have a homebirth or they WILL NOT have an epidural and the doctor WILL do such-and-such after delivery. No room for being okay with deviation. When it comes from a first-time mother, I just find it kind of funny, to be honest.

[–]Charlie-Green-Rug -1 points0 points ago

I'm usually pretty good at putting myself in someone else's point of view, and understanding what they are thinking and their motivations. But this... baffles me. It's like they think they know better than the medical professionals.

[–]jysalia 4 points5 points ago

Check out my ob said what? for some stories that could give you an idea. Make sure to read the comments!

[–]aoirghe 7 points8 points ago

Well, many birth advocates present doctors and hospitals as the enemy. I have to admit, even I was nervous about being moved from the birth center to the hospital because my baby was overdue. I totally trust doctors and medical professionals. But you read enough Ina May Gaskin and it's like all doctors are rapacious bloodsuckers who just want you to have a traumatic birth experience. It is so, so weird.

[–]Trishlovesdolphins 2 points3 points ago

YES! I don't know how many friends kept telling me to watch "The Business of Being Born." My doctor was really cool and laid back. Didn't push anything to or from anything. The closest she came was telling me that if I wasn't pushing in an hour she was going to order a Csection. Luckily, my son heard her and decided he'd cooperate after that.... the first in a long list of examples of his stubbornness.

[–]aoirghe 2 points3 points ago

Oh god, "The Business of Being Born"....It's amazing how many otherwise intelligent people will use Ricki Lake and Jenny McCarthy as their science sources!

[–]Trishlovesdolphins 3 points4 points ago

Vaccination anyone? I still have people tell me that I shouldn't have my son immunized because that's how Jenny McCarthy's son "caught" autism. They have no clue that there is actual research or that the original researcher was sued for lying, OR that the "mercury" has been taken out of most vaccines now.

[–]aoirghe 2 points3 points ago

Oh man, don't even get me started on the non-vaccinating parents...Normally I'm fine with people doing whatever works for their own kids, but this is a public health issue! To leave it up to the host of "Singled Out" who thinks her kid is an "indigo child" is terrifying.

[–]Trishlovesdolphins 2 points3 points ago

We've actually had an outbreak of whooping cough where I live. In 2 weeks more cases were reported than the yearly average. You better believe that I was sanitizing every grocery cart I used, and I'm no germaphobe. According to one news site, a lot of the children who were infected were kids who were never vaccinated. It got so bad they were actually issuing statements urging adults with kids in the house to have boosters.

[–]jamierc 0 points1 point ago

Not at all, the my wife and I had lots of decisions when writing our birthplan. Give birth in a water pool, at home, in hospital, have epidural or not, any other pain killers or not, who to cut cord, etc etc.

Most of it went out of window in the event, but it was fairly detailed in any case.

[–]Trishlovesdolphins 1 point2 points ago

My doctor actually laughed at me when I asked her if I needed to give her a birth plan. I've been seeing her for years, so it's not like she didn't know me. After she laughed, she just looked at me and said, "Do you really think you can plan this?" I just laughed and said no, but everyone kept telling me I needed one. She asked me if there was anything that was a definite yes/no and I said, "only the epidural." She said, "Do you plan on being conscious?" I said, "Yes." She said, "Then you can just tell us your birth plan." The only thing I did write down was a visitor list. I have some crazy as shit family and I didn't want some of them near me. So I wrote down who was allowed to visit during labor, who was supposed to be in the room during pushing, and who was allowed to visit after. It was given to the security/receptionist desk at the visitor's check in.

[–]aoirghe 1 point2 points ago

Yup. Everything I just told the nurses was implemented. Anything I wrote down and gave to them? Total waste of time.

[–]babydoll66045 2 points3 points ago

When ANYONE give me unsolicited parenting advice.

FTFY now you don't sound like a dick. Having or not having a kid doesn't validate someone's opinion, experience, or advice. Bad advice comes from just as many parents, and good advice comes from just as many nonparents.

[–]rainman_104 1 point2 points ago

Bad advice comes from just as many parents

Yep. There's a mom that was chatting with my mom about how she has her kid on sleeping pills and we should consider them for ours (no fucking way in hell). My son has very good sleep patterns IMO. His sleep starts at 6pm and runs to 7am. We're fine with that.

Anyway, she condescendingly says to my wife: "I'd be happy to have your kid over and observe how he interacts on a play date".

My wife just walked away. Said to herself: "last time I talk to that nutjob"...

[–]babydoll66045 0 points1 point ago

Good for her! The craziest I've heard so far is when my son had double ear infections that I should spank him for screaming so that he would learn to control himself when he's in pain. At 23 months old. Spank him so he would learn not to scream when he hurt. Guess who I immediately crossed of my mental "emergency baby sitter" list.

[–]rainman_104 1 point2 points ago

I gotta admit... There's been a few times where my kids got sick only they couldn't communicate they were sick... They were acting really badly and I gave them a couple slaps on the bum... I felt so small and tiny and a little less of a man for doing so... Okay it was the absolute worse I've ever felt...

[–]crankypillow 11 points12 points ago

I think it's wonderful that people assume being childless is always a choice, and that since I haven't ripped a baby out of my uterus or been able to afford an adoption, I have no comprehension of the love and sacrifice that a child requires, and no experience in their upbringing. I guess the whole "it takes a village" theory is a really limited village.

[–]BatiDari 2 points3 points ago

Dont take this personally. This applies mostly for those advices that actually have no weigh and often more harmful (by making you feel bad) than helpfull. A lot of childless people (childless by choice) trowing them around like a bombs and they are those who young parents tend to hate, not people who actually try to help or give an insign from different angle.

[–]rainman_104 0 points1 point ago

I guess the whole "it takes a village" theory is a really limited village.

It's a shitty theory anyway. Because the village is borderline retarded. Always think to the George Carlin quote: "think of the most average person you know, and consider half the people you know will be stupider than that person".

Scary but true. There's a lot of stupid people out there.

[–]crankypillow 0 points1 point ago

I agree. It's important as a parent to be selective, but to think that you can do it all on your own, or that the only people who can add value are other parents, puts you in the borderline section of the village.

[–]Purplethumb 6 points7 points ago

This never happens to me. No one gives me unsolicited advice about parenting. It makes me wonder what all these people complain about unwanted advice are doing differently.

[–]rainman_104 0 points1 point ago

I've often wondered about what I do in my behaviour whereby people think they can cross that boundary. Perhaps I appear more inviting than you? Or perhaps you've done a better job of drawing and defining your boundaries than I. I receive a shit tonne of unsolicited advice, and I honestly don't understand how that plays out.

[–]Purplethumb 7 points8 points ago

I suspect its age. I'm over 30 and most people just don't have balls to tell a grown woman what to do. I suspect but have not tested that most woman complaining about being told how to raise their kids are in their early twenties. What you don't realize is at that age everyone will give you advice regardless. If you didn't have kids it would be college, if not college how to do well at your job and if not job how to take care of your house. People are desperate to believe they learned something in this life and will pass it on to any young person who passes by.

[–]BatiDari 0 points1 point ago

That must be it.

I`m 26 and most of my friends are childless + all older women love to give advices just off the boot without even knowing me or my daughter :).

[–]fap-the-potato 4 points5 points ago

does this mean i can't give advice on how to properly paint one up like a pokemon?

[–]fitzgerh 5 points6 points ago

I love it when people who have dogs equate that responsibility with raising children.

[–]SamuelLBronkowicz 5 points6 points ago

The first thing my wife and I did after buying a house was get a dog. We figured that getting up in the night to take him out to pee would be good practice and help prepare us to be parents. It wasn't and it didn't...

[–]rainman_104 0 points1 point ago

Same goes with us. I don't think I've walked my dog for months now. And he generally annoys me.

[–]eifos 2 points3 points ago

I don't have kids so I try not to give advice to parents, however I am a teacher. Most of my students are in their mid-late teens (I also teach at an adult college) so it's not like they're babies and a lot of the time their parents should know better. I hate having to call up a student's parents and tell them that their child hasn't done their homework for a week and is obviously not getting enough sleep. The number of times I've been abused by these parents for suggesting their child could see the school counsellor to get back on track, or offer any kind of help, I get the whole "do YOU have kids? no, so don't tell me how to raise mine!!" and this is from upper class snobby families.

So for the most part I agree and try to keep my mouth shut :) But sometimes parents do need an outside perspective.

[–]rainman_104 0 points1 point ago

My wife's a teacher too. They call those kind of parents "non parents". They're probably the same parents when approached about their kids bullying, will brush off that shit behaviour too...

[–]Rukiayuzu 2 points3 points ago

I think experience holds a lot of value, whether it comes from work or with your own children. What I don't appreciate is advice from people who've never had to deal with kids before. Please, I'm doing my best, but this is really hard.

[–]WynterSnow 6 points7 points ago

This really irks me. I do not have children but I have an Early Childhood Development degree and along with this TONS of experience with children. I can't even post a link to an article about parenting to facebook without getting attacked because I wouldn't know what I am talking about because I don't have children. I spend hours upon hours doing research because it is a passion of mine. I may not have children but I know a lot about the issues. It seems like parenting is the ONLY thing people think is acceptable to feel this way about. Why does my degree give me any less credibility than your doctor's degree? Will you not let him preform the surgery simply because he has not HAD one?

[–]aoirghe 4 points5 points ago

She wasn't talking about experts, from what I can tell. Maybe don't take this so personally. Many parents, myself included, want to roll our eyes when people without kids make judgments about how parenting "should" be, rather than based on their experience of how it really is. I'm not sure why this is so controversial.

[–]WynterSnow 4 points5 points ago

But when I hear it daily in my real life it IS personal.

[–]aoirghe 2 points3 points ago

Education and child development are definitely things that can be learned in terms of the classroom and academia - believe me, my husband has a MA in education, my father-in-law a PhD in education and my mother-in-law an MS in early childhood development. But when it comes to parenting - no, that is not an experience that can be understood without experiencing it. This isn't a judgment call about your intellectual or emotional fitness, it's just my (and many other people's) take on this experience. I study the arts as they relate to refugees and asylum seekers - that doesn't mean I have any kind of knowledge of what it is like to be them. Obviously I'm not directly comparing parenting to being a refugee (the second is WAY, WAY harder and more serious than the first), but just saying that academic experience and hands-on responsibility in your own life are two different things.

[–]WynterSnow 2 points3 points ago

I guess we will just have to agree to disagree.

[–]aoirghe -4 points-3 points ago

...but thanks for the downvote ;)

[–]SamuelLBronkowicz -1 points0 points ago

Haha...remember this exchange if/when you have kids some day.

[–]babydoll66045 1 point2 points ago

So, they agree to disagree and you're a dick about it. I see that 4 other dicks agree with you to. THIS is why people hate the "Mommy" type. Can't have a conversation without being told, "Just WAIT till you have kids of your own."

BTW, I do have kids of my own, and I still can't stand that shit.

[–]SamuelLBronkowicz 0 points1 point ago

Not a "mommy type"...not even a mommy. I have plenty of conversations with non-parents all the time, and some of the best advice I've picked up came from non-parents. Sometimes an outside perspective, from someone not emotionally attached to the situation, is the best way to find a solution to a particular problem.

Any time someone starts out with "I have [insert degree or certificate here]" or "I have XX years of experience" but has never actually been a parent, though, I know what's coming.

[–]WynterSnow 0 points1 point ago

Don't worry I will

[–]BatiDari 2 points3 points ago

This shouldnt (and I believe is not) applied to experts. Best advice I had with my child went from childless doctor. She said "try to live it through - it will fix itself" about my baby living in graphic that i couldnt change at all by no known for me means (26 hours in a "day").

It did passed. At ~1,5 ages she stopped shifting grpahics and while still preffer to get to sleep at very late hours - finnaly I can plan something for half a day we have :).

All others was suggesting for me things like sleeping pills etc... I glad I went for "childless person" advice ;p.

But as young mom I get a lot of really annoying advices from friends and alike. I mean... they bombard me with those "you need to get baby to sleep earlier!" - and its not at all helpful in my case. I tried everything, believe me! First year was a nightmare because of that (then I just stopped forcing graphic on my daughter)... and those advicers just made me feel like worst mother in the world on top of that. It hurts :(.

[–]WynterSnow 1 point2 points ago

I completely understand this point of view. I am sure you also received bad advice from parents as well. All I am really trying to get at is that sometimes people have good advice, and sometimes they don't. Whether or not they have children is not always a good indicator of how much they know.

[–]BatiDari 2 points3 points ago

Yep. Recieved a lot of bad advices from parents, so that is why I pitchforking not "childless", but "ignorant". It just hurts slightly more when bad advice and namecalling comes from those who dont even have a clue what being with kid 24/7 feels like (which is usually young girls and sometimes guys) :D.

[–]SamuelLBronkowicz 2 points3 points ago

Because you don't have kids. You've researched, but you've not experienced. Research != experience.

I can read about the physics of a golf swing every day. I can study it, make inferences, and come up with ideas. I can learn all of the theoretical knowledge about it to the point that I'm an "expert". Maybe I'll run into Tiger Woods one day and tell him everything I know, tell him what he's doing wrong, and give him advice about his swing. I've never hit a golf ball, though...how seriously do you think he'd take me?

You might have studied a lot, and you might have some great ideas, but you've never put them into practice. You've never tried them out. You've never sat up with a four-month-old who's been screaming for four hours (and who did the same thing the last twenty nights), who won't eat, who won't snuggle, who won't sleep, who won't do anything but scream. What, in your studies, has prepared you for that? What will you do, when all of the things you're learned in your studies failed to fix the situation twenty days ago?

Until you've experienced it, you simply cannot understand. I suspect that your "knowledgeable" attitude is the reason for the negative responses when you post.

Pick any random physicist, and he or she can tell you all about jumping from an airplane using basic formulas learned in freshman year of college. When it comes time for your first tandem jump, though, who would you rather have strapped to your back? The random physicist, or the skydiving instructor who's done it a hundred times before?

[–]lllkkk 2 points3 points ago

You are comparing to skills that are learned and practiced. Parenting is not such.

[–]WynterSnow 0 points1 point ago

I have had "actual" experience. I work with children everyday.

Edit: and I have put them into practice, I DO put these theories and techniques into practice everyday. I have one friend who constantly complains about her mother's advice (obviously she has had kids) and yes she comes to me almost daily asking for some techniques to try and then thanks me the next day when one of them work. I do not claim to know everything but yes I am very "knowledgeable" and I do not appreciate being discredited simply because I have fertility issues and have not been able to have children yet.

[–]SamuelLBronkowicz 1 point2 points ago

It's not your lack of kids which discredits you, it's the word "very" that you put in front of knowledgeable...

[–]WynterSnow -2 points-1 points ago

Okay lol.

[–]rainman_104 -3 points-2 points ago

This really irks me. I do not have children but I have an Early Childhood Development degree and along with this TONS of experience with children.

I know someone with an ECE degree. She had her son with a soother to three years old. That's so bad for them on so many levels. You don't learn that shit in ECE school.

[–]BatiDari 2 points3 points ago

While she might struggle latter on with her own kid too (much like psychologists can have heavy depression), it doesnt mean her advice have no value. She might help you more than some 4-kid mothers... it depends ofc. What is more important - since she has knowledge about how to raise kids - she wont force one solution down your throat. She will try to find solution that will work both for you and for your kids. A lot of parents lack this kind of perspective too, dont forget that.

[–]WynterSnow 0 points1 point ago

While I definitely understand where you are coming from, I think it is unfair to say that all schools are like that. I definitely did learn things like that in school. Also she is obviously a parent so saying that you only wouldn't take advice from nonparents is irrelevant because you obviously wouldn't take advice from her.

All I am trying to say is that it really is an individual basis. I understand that just because I have a degree I do not know everything, but just because someone is a parent doesn't mean they know everything either.

[–]ilavayou 5 points6 points ago

Yes. I experienced this today, from a friend who sees his nieces twice a month. Everything from discipline to tv time, seriously dude?

[–]transt 4 points5 points ago

and you shot the messenger why? I never understand people who say not having kids means you don't have valid advice on it. Its usually the dumbest of parents who think that though

[–]ilavayou 1 point2 points ago

I think its more of an issue of being criticised. Like most people, being judged for my choices as a parent can get under my skin, especially in an excessive amount. Hearing from someone that his toddler will never have a tantrum in public when he doesn't have kids is just annoying. I think.there are certain situations you can't understand unless you have kids or have provided care for them.

[–]BatiDari -2 points-1 points ago

When things that work for YOUR KID called WRONG and getting corrected by person who has no idea what it takes to make something work for your family - that is a bad parenting advice. All they do is making you feel bad with no help involved. They usually say common stuff like "you need to get your baby to sleep before 9pm and dont show them cartoons for more than 30 mins daily" Well second one works for me (my 2year old plays with toys awesomely!), but not working for my friend - his baby dont like to play with toys and only way to do home chores and cooking is to put cartoon on and rush them :P.

Though its not only kidless people who do that, but they more often ignorant to things like that than parents who experience this change of views in their lives. Hence so many people dont like advices for their babies from kidless people.

[–]DaisyLayz[S] 3 points4 points ago

I like the discussion this has prompted, but the original post was probably worded wrong. I apologize for that. Replace "gives advice" with "criticizes" and then it will more accurately reflect my original intention.

[–]Manny_Kant 5 points6 points ago

That's how I respond to my psychiatrist. He's never had a psychotic break, but he seems to think he just knows everything about it and what actions to take in my position. The nerve.

[–]BubblegumAndEvil 2 points3 points ago

I occasionally did before I had my son, but it was pretty common sense stuff. If your kid needs a lot of attention, why are you getting on an online game?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

THANK YOU!!! I have a friend who doesn't have kids, (THANK FSM), she says "If I have kids I don't think I'll celebrate their birthday, I mean come on why bother?"

[–][deleted] ago

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[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points ago

She's an atheist who has a strong opinion on everything.

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[–]mypantsareonmyhead -2 points-1 points ago

Right on. Because this is not about "beleifs" like kindachunky is trying to say. It's about laziness and a complete ignorance of what it means to be a parent, and a child, and what that lifelong relationship entails. It's all summed up in "I mean why bother?". That's a fucking completely selfish attitude right there that exhibits zero knowledge or wisdom about parenting. So fuck that friend, and fuck kindachunky for playing the BS politically-correct card completely inappropriately.

[–]this_isnt_happening -1 points0 points ago

Wow. Pretty much everyone in this thread is an asshole. That's a shame. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo, you have a phd in all of childrearing and have spent the last thirty years with ten babies strapped to you- super cool, your perspective is way valuable.

Thing is, I don't personally know many people with those kinds of qualifications. Or, in fact, anybody with those qualifications. Just my circle of friends, right?

It's worth pointing out, however, that on the whole non-parents do tend to not know how to parent, and that when these people hand out unsolicited advice it is pretty fucking irritating, if for no other reason than it is condescending.

I say: Good for you and your degrees or experience or whatever- I'm not saying you're wrong. I am saying, however, that if you don't have your own kids, you're just not a parent. It's a fact, and it's not just semantics. Until you're handed your very own life to nurture and grow and not fuck up, you just don't know what it's like. Get over it.

[–]aoirghe 2 points3 points ago

Seriously. Anyone who gets offended because you don't think they know better than you is probably not someone you should be taking advice from anyway.

[–]apdrzmom 1 point2 points ago

I had to get to the third last comment on this page to find someone who wasn't an annoying tool bag, but you were here! Thank you!

Seriously, though, I agree with the frustration of having childless friends give me advice about how to parent...but it's more because they haven't spent time raising MY child. Every child is different so when I hear my friends say things about my parenting or "well when I have a kid I'm only going to...." yeah SURE you are...wait until you see how your child is first before you make blind assumptions that YOUR way of parenting is the right way for your child.

[–]yesukai 0 points1 point ago

Wow, you must be such an insufferably condescending person to be around. Glad to know that pushing something out your vagina makes you an expert.

[–]ialsohaveadobro 1 point2 points ago

It's obviously the raising the child part that creates the relevant experience and resulting expertise. But great, well-thought-out comment. A wonderful example of how not to be condescending!

[–]yesukai -2 points-1 points ago

What about people who take care of their siblings? Or daycare workers? Or people who have just read a lot about taking care of kids? You believe these people are incapable of any good advice? And further, you think that just because someone has raised a kid, they no longer need advice and/or know everything? Because we can show pretty definitively that isn't true at all; the mere existence of CPS shows that.

[–]DaisyLayz[S] 2 points3 points ago

I didn't say it made me an expert. But thanks for taking a humorous gif and twisting it around so I look like an asshole. Feel better about yourself now? EDIT: I've pushed 3 babies out of my vagina and I've raised them to be well-behaved, healthy, intelligent and caring individuals. So yeah....I guess I kind of am an expert.

[–]yesukai 0 points1 point ago

Hah. You use a gif of someone being condescending to say that no one without kids could know as much about parenting as you, and get surprised when I say you look condescending? What's next, use a gif of violence to describe what you want to do to people, then get upset when someone say's you're violent?

Plenty of childless people have plenty of good advice to offer, and plenty of parents have no idea what they are doing. This popular opinion among parents that they are above others and all advice for them is to be dismissed with condescension and annoyance isn't funny, it's pathetic. You parroting it while posting a gif that's been posted a million times before just isn't' funny or even a joke, it's a symptom of that disease among parents. You either really believe this, or you're pandering to parents to gain imaginary internet points while reinforcing the echo chamber that the shitty parents use to justify their poor behavior. Either way, you failed to convey anything funny to anyone who's not into that echo chamber.

[–]DaisyLayz[S] 1 point2 points ago

And you're awesome at arguing on the internet. Way to go doucheface. slow fucking clap

[–]yesukai -2 points-1 points ago

I love it when people are pathologically incapable of admitting error. It's fun to watch. "Well.... you're just arguing on the internet! NAMECALLING!"

[–]DaisyLayz[S] 3 points4 points ago

Lol dude....i didn't post this to create an argument. You created the argument. I posted something I thought was funny, and thought maybe other people would find it funny as well. You could have just downvoted and been on your way. But no. You're one of those guys that has to argue because the size of your ego is considerably larger than your dick. I know this because I was married to a guy just like you. If you'll recall, your original comment was very insulting. Had you commented in an insightful, intelligent way, i wouldn't have said anything. Sorry for sticking up for myself when a complete stranger calls me condescending and references my vagina.

[–]yesukai -3 points-2 points ago

Ooh that's delicious.

It's often useful to compare to another situation in order to get past the inability to see fault in yourself. So, let us imagine a third party who posts an image. This image conveys a meaning that that is wrong, but this third party thinks it's funny. Let's check /r/imgoingtohellforthis for an example. [Here we go]{http://i.imgur.com/zslDq.jpg}. So, someone posts this, and then you say "that isn't funny, it's wrong. Jews aren't the cause of your problems, you are. That is antisemitic."

If "third party" responded "I wasn't looking for an argument, I just though it was funny, you have a tiny dick. How dare you say I'm antisemitic!", you might have an idea of how you look to me.

It's particularly delicious to see someone both complain that someone referenced her vagina and say "You have a small dick" in the same paragraph. I didn't even say anything negative about your vagina, like how difficult it must be to please another with such a loose and used up vagina after pushing three kids out, in addition to the stretch marks and baby fat. Nope, I just gave a mechanical description of childbirth in order to amplify the point that it imparts no additional knowledge, and yet somehow that's offensive to you.

[–]DaisyLayz[S] 1 point2 points ago

Your anger is a little scary. I'm officially creeped out by you.

[–]yesukai -1 points0 points ago

What part of that indicated anger instead of entertainment?

[–]fap-the-potato 1 point2 points ago

Dude....you seriously spend waaaayyyy too much time arguing with people on the internet. why don't you hop offline for a second, go get a drink, calm down. and enjoy your day.

you're completely riled up right now because of gif on reddit. you need. to seriously. get. a. life. insulting someone "how difficult it must be to please another with such a loose and used up vagina after pushing three kids out, in addition to the stretch marks and baby fat" (which we both know was your attempt at a dig) is pretty much sad and pathetic.

I'm willing to bet her "tiny dick syndrome" comment from earlier is pretty much spot on. how about this. how about you go back to arguing on /r/politics or /r/circlejerk or whatever the hell it is you do for fun and just chill the hell out.

unless you dick is so tiny that even the slightest knock on you sends you reeling because in your tiny pathetic mind "you demand respect...on reddit." this will ultimately be proven when you respond in some derisive remark to this just dripping with condescension and pretension.

go find a girl. talk to her. try and get her number. then cry when she gives you a fake one and spend your lonely nights looking up blue waffles because you think it makes you look cool.

[–]yesukai -2 points-1 points ago

Welcome to the party.

At the moment, I'm catching up on some work and talking on Reddit as posts come up. And, as I mentioned otherwise, I'm not angry. I saw something on parenting filled with condescension and dismissal of an entire group of people based on the arbitrary metric of "are you a parent". This was wrong, so I pointed it out. Everything that followed is from the conversation where the poor, innocent poster of garbage defends the garbage with basically "I thought it was funny, so no one can criticize it". But that's not how this works. Comments are for both criticism and praise. If you want just mindless praise, I suggest you stick to your girlfriends or some other one-way system.

As far the rest, obviously it was a dig at her, very good for catching it. I tried to make it fairly obvious, so I'm glad you were able to catch it. She insulted me, I insulted back. That's how this works.

Anyhow, it would be nice if you had something to add to the conversation. So, what do you think? If someone posts something that's condescending and dismissive of an entire group of people, should the comments just be filled with support? Or is it OK for someone to point it out? At what point does it become appropriate to comment on a posting on a site that's all about commenting on postings?

[–]fap-the-potato 1 point2 points ago

no i totally agree with her. i deal with clients on a regular basis. 99.9% of the time their suggestions work against them or are of little to no use to them because they don't fully understand the nuances and subtleties that need to come in to play. through experience comes knowledge. it's why i don't give people parenting advice. i don't have kids.

additionally it's not that you pointed out that you disagreed with her. it's HOW you pointed it out. you did so in a way that can only brand you as a fuckbucket. it was steeped in insults and subtle jabs that indicate that not only can you not stand to be proven wrong you additionally have to always be right.

your original comment (the one where you were "just pointing [how wrong this was] out): "Wow, you must be such an insufferably condescending person to be around. Glad to know that pushing something out your vagina makes you an expert." you cannot say that comment is not a brazen insult. you came here to pick a fight and, frankly, you suck at it.

this was not criticism. you did not open with a thought out or well constructed criticism. this was a blatant insult. you are a douche. of the highest order. you're probably one of those people who drives around pheonix, az in a big ol' pickup truck with loud pipes and dipshit bumper stickers. or a prius. you don't even know this person yet you feel it's your right to insult them. you don't know their background, their history, their motivations for posting this.

how do you know this wasn't a reactionary post to someone saying "your kid got into a fight? you should hand them a knife and tell 'em to cut a bitch!"

or "you're daughter came out? you should get your male friends to rape her." (this was actually a comment on a local radio station here about 4 months ago. people do say this shit)

simply put you came here not attempting to offer any insight but instead to insult.

then you have the mindset to to ask me if i have anything to add? did you add anything? seriously? you immediately started attacking and then once someone fires back at you then you attempt to be level headed and mask the fact that deep down you went all red faced at someone taking a jab at you. you're the kind of person who spends time in the shower and on their drive home from work to their one bedroom apartment winning arguments in your head and telling yourself that your special because you insult strangers with a keyboard.

so how about this. lets have story time since i know you'll respond to this. what glorious and insightful parenting advice would you have for her current situation? yeah i'll go ahead and give you the tl/dr on that one before you post it: "I'm a condescending arrogant prick and right now I got nothing worthwhile to add to the conversation so I'm gonna go right ahead and pop off because i feel threatened." ~yesukai

now...if someone were to reply with "hey this one time my childless friend really helped my child..." then i would be willing to hear that out. but you're just badgering and bullying the OP to make yourself feel better about your life. kudos. you've spent (judging by your comment stream in your profile) the better part of the past 6 hours on reddit. you're.....um....a...winner? yeah i can't even type that without laughing.

rather than judge someone else for their opinions on parenting why don't you try to go out and get a social life and then maybe you'll be a real parent and understand where she's coming from. because right now you're just a childless asshat who gets easily offended and feels the urge to bitch about it reddit through insults and derision.

[–]rainman_104 0 points1 point ago

You use a gif of someone being condescending to say that no one without kids could know as much about parenting as you

On the topic of her own children? Yeah, likely.

A psychologist will not offer unsolicited advice on a tiny observation. They're going to take a while with their observation before coming up with anything.

[–]babydoll66045 -3 points-2 points ago

No, you made yourself look like an asshole. You have no one to blame but yourself.

[–]DaisyLayz[S] 5 points6 points ago

Awwww babydoll, thanks! That was very nice of you to say. I'll think about your kind and thoughtful advice next time I'm teaching my children about compassion.

[–]babydoll66045 0 points1 point ago

I'm not the one making condescending posts that belittle non-parents.

[–]SamuelLBronkowicz -1 points0 points ago

I'm a dad and my kids were born via IVF...I'm glad to know that whacking off into a cup has made me an expert.

[–]sundaediet 0 points1 point ago

How about when a childless friend thinks their home is baby-proof.

[–]kissedbyfiya 0 points1 point ago

Most of the people responding defensively are talking about extreme situations like neglect or abuse... Pretty sure that's not what op was referring to.

Maybe I am just biased because I have a very good, childless, psychology major friend who always tries to bestow her unsolicited parenting knowledge on me. Most recent Eg: My son loves sports and I have a very high opinion of how sports benefit children, so he plays hockey, football, and soccer (all during different seasons, of his own choice). It came up casually during a conversation, and she interrupts me to condiscendingly say "just remember, he needs lots of time for free play too". My reaction? Pretty much identical to op's gif.

One of the problems with thinking you are an expert because you took psych courses is that psych studies try to take a scientific approach to behavior, and parenting is not a science. There are a million things that influence your child's behavior and development, and every child is different, which is why there are always study subjects that land in the margins.

[–][deleted] ago

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[–]WynterSnow 4 points5 points ago

I can COMPLETELY relate. It gets old especially when I frequently have the kids more waking hours than the parents do.

[–]Catness_NeverClean 1 point2 points ago

That is my current situation now. I actually stayed the night with kids that aren't mine last night. Alas, this means nothing in the eyes of some parents. I think they're close minded because of it and value their pride over sound advice.

[–]WynterSnow 0 points1 point ago

YES I completely agree. Honestly it can get very discouraging at times.

[–]SamuelLBronkowicz 0 points1 point ago

You might know a lot of shit about kids, but you don't know shit about raising kids.

What is it like being up at 3am with a screaming four-month-old for the twentieth night in a row? What should be done in that situation? What, in your experience, has sweet fuck all to do with that?

[–][deleted] ago

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[–]SamuelLBronkowicz 1 point2 points ago

I don't think that anyone is writing off the childless as clueless. Rather the posted GIF is in reference to the children-free know-it-alls who always have words to offer (at least that's how I took it). Those people are seriously obnoxious.

You may have sound advice to offer, based on your experience and education, but I'm likely to skip it. I didn't write you off because you are childless...I wrote you off because you got all bent out of shape over a joke and felt the need to trumpet your credentials as a reason to be taken seriously. Experience has taught me that people who do that are best put on ignore.

[–]DaisyLayz[S] -1 points0 points ago

This pretty much sums up my thoughts on this entire thread. Thank you.

[–]rainman_104 -4 points-3 points ago

I think you're an idiot. Hear me out.

There's as many opinions on parenting as there are teachers. Some teachers are extremely hard on kids, some are soft on them and build relationships of trust.

Anyway, to think you know a thing or two about raising children; that's nonsense. My wife has a B.Ed. too. That degree did not prepare her for parenting in the least bit, and likely yours didn't either.

Every parent's situation is different. I've raised two kids. I'm an expert in raising those two children. I don't for a second think I'm an expert in raising other people's children, because I haven't walked a mile in their shoes.

[–]heybebeh88 3 points4 points ago

"I think you're an idiot. Hear me out." Now there are two phrases you don't often see together.

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[–]rainman_104 4 points5 points ago

Raising two children doesn't make you an expert on child rearing. It makes you an expert on those two children. That's all you're an expert on.

[–]Dourpuss 0 points1 point ago

I need to remind myself of this. It's like Pokemon. You can have a Level 40 Charizard, but hand you a Bulbasaur or Drowzee and WHOAAA whole new ball game learning psychic and poison attacks.

[–]rainman_104 0 points1 point ago

You just made me feel very very old....

[–]Dourpuss 0 points1 point ago

You were likely in your 20s when Pokemon was hot, and therefore never got on the bandwagon. It is a fantastic game though, I recently enjoyed Pokemon Black as an adult.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

This is funny to me, I was reminded by your previous comments of a girl that my husband knew in middle school who is a nanny and decided to bash me for my children misbehaving while I was in the bathroom. First, she has only been a nanny to the same couple of kids who are older than mine, she only met one of my children when he was an infant (he was 2 at the time of her parenting advice), and he's got a whole lot more physical power and will power than most children his age. So, her idea of preventing the incident was a gate and a firm no. Right, I never fucking tried that before. How about he powers through or over any gate or other obstacle, if it requires small motor skills he masters those in no time flat, and like normal two year old fashion the only no that meant anything to him was his own. This child wore me out and I honestly thought he was going to have a lot of issues with authority and such when he got older; but he is now a pleasant, helpful, and mindful three year old. She told me I was just being lazy and not parenting correctly, but I must have done something right because while he is still a powerhouse and high spirited he listens well and knows immediately when he's done something he shouldn't have and makes effort to rectify the situation.
Seeing how much I wrote, I might still be a bit sore about the whole situation.

[–]trust_me_i_am_a_liar 1 point2 points ago

So my childless sister-in-law once was a live-in tutor some 10 year olds and now believes she is an expert on both education and child-rearing. She will explain to my wife, who has a PhD in Education and taught for many years at the elementary, high school, college and grad school levels what is wrong with education and how to save it, or how to ensure that our daughter grows up without self-esteem issues. We just nod and realize that some people base their identity on looking like they know the most about a subject even if they are dead wrong. I just feel kind of sorry for her.

[–]Fuckedfromabove -2 points-1 points ago

Doesn't mean it's bad advice... Dick!

[–]idlerwheel 0 points1 point ago

Oh yeah, people who don't have their own offspring can't possibly give good advice...

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