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1607
1608

A card my Uncle sent me for my birthday (imgur.com)

submitted ago by stvb95

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[–][deleted] 24 points25 points ago

"Said Simple Simon to the Pieman, 'give me your pies... or I'll cave your head in.'"

[–]nashx90 10 points11 points ago

My favourite of the Die Hards. Controversially.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

It's my favorite as well.

I mean the first one is iconic, but I just enjoy part 3 the most.

[–]Thagros 6 points7 points ago

And who do we not want to help us?

White people.

[–]DigitalChocobo 0 points1 point ago

Was that quote in DH3?

[–]FirearmConcierge 0 points1 point ago

Yes it was.

[–]that_will_work 22 points23 points ago

Twat. The best swearword in the English language. Listen and learn america, listen and learn.

[–]Gen_McMuster 5 points6 points ago

I'm partial to "tosser" in my opinion

[–]THE_CENTURION 1 point2 points ago

I like this one

[–]dawgiesman1 0 points1 point ago

Every time I hear tosser I just think of a flying saucer.

[–]Lucky_Wilbury 1 point2 points ago

Does "bollocks" count as a swear? I like that one.

[–]GPow69 79 points80 points ago

Reminds me quite a bit of this.

[–]BigMchugeLarge 20 points21 points ago

This completes my day on the internet. Thank You

[–]bigtpsychoboy 14 points15 points ago

Even the hardest of days is soothed by the nodding approval of Jeremiah Johnson.

[–]galileofan -5 points-4 points ago

Reminds me of this

[–]KVKT 3 points4 points ago

I don't know what this is but it made me laugh out loud for like five minutes. I just was not expecting such a random serious face

[–]galileofan 5 points6 points ago

EINHORN is FINKLE! Laces out...no bells?

[–]duvakiin 3 points4 points ago

i think it would actually be less funny if you got the reference

[–]get_the_pitchforks -1 points0 points ago

ALRIGHTY THEN!

[–]thelittlewhitebird 1 point2 points ago

I laughed :/

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]GPow69 0 points1 point ago

Here's me not giving a fuck! :)

I'm sure they don't care either, it's all just for fun

[–]Cloud7654 7 points8 points ago

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Some poems rhyme,

This one doesn't.

[–]mattmcinnis 1 point2 points ago

I feel like I would have to make it rhyme.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Some poems don't rhyme,

but this does, fuck you.

[–]funfkopf 1 point2 points ago

my personal favourite:

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I've got a knife,

Get in the van

[–]FunkyKiwi 6 points7 points ago

Hi, my name is Simon, my birthday is today and my favorite snack is apple pie. No joke.

[–]Savvyy 7 points8 points ago

Simple Simon, Met a Pieman, Going to the fayre, Said Simple Simon, To the Pieman, Got any grapes?

[–]deathmint 5 points6 points ago

Got any nails?

[–]lightninglaura 0 points1 point ago

I actually just screamed because I forgot about this joke. I was so unprepared ...

[–]RamblesTheGoat 2 points3 points ago

May I ask where your uncle got such a card?

[–]stvb95[S] 0 points1 point ago

On the back of the card it says "Ye olde booke of Rotten Rhymes, tarnished tales and vulgar verse". I think it might be off one of those online custom card sites, but I'll have to ask him the next time i see him.

[–]meeeeepy 0 points1 point ago

http://www.attitudeclothing.co.uk/product_28242-79-1594_Greeting-Card---Rotten-Rhymes-Simple-Simon.htm

[–]RamblesTheGoat 0 points1 point ago

Just googled the name of the book it's from, found where he might have gotten it http://www.cardsandstuff.co.uk/ye-olde-simple-simon-card-1832-p.asp

[–]AceCake 2 points3 points ago

I nicknamed my brother Pieman, as his name was Simon, I could have been more original but why would I? When every time I said it, he would explode with rage. Those were the days.

[–]world_spins 3 points4 points ago

Finally, closure (or something close to it)! A few months ago my friends and I were playing Trivial Pursuit- Genus edition (copyright 1981), and the literature question wanted to know where Simple Simon was going. The answer, of course, was to the fair, but it was one of the more out of context questions I've gotten in the game.

[–]happyvocal 1 point2 points ago

WHY DOESN'T THIS BOOK EXIST?

[–]Nysticator 2 points3 points ago

This. Love it.

[–]GrammarGorilla 1 point2 points ago

I'm guessing your name is Simon.

[–]oddball7000 0 points1 point ago

Having a friend who I call Simple Simon this made my day. Thank you.

[–]allthingsfantastic 0 points1 point ago

I don't think that's how it's supposed to go.

[–]randomly-generated 0 points1 point ago

Probably written by Karl Pilkington.

[–]PieRGud 0 points1 point ago

Pie? I like pie.

[–]Vilense 0 points1 point ago

FUN FACT: Ye is pronounced "thee". THE MORE YOU KNOW.

[–]MainlandX 0 points1 point ago

All it's missing is an Andrew-Dice-Clay-like "OH!" for emphasis.

[–]Niode 0 points1 point ago

Reminds me of this: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hairy-Tales-Nursery-Crimes-Young/dp/0006726755

One of my favourite books as a child.

[–]FunTimesInDreamland 0 points1 point ago

I think I laughed harder than was necessary at this. Which is problematic when you're trying to stifle your laughter whilst at the office...

You have earned my upvote :)

[–]NexDev 0 points1 point ago

Thief comes in reads note... digs up the plants and switches them around

[–]Ocramzeej66 0 points1 point ago

That's awesome.

[–]0100110101101010 0 points1 point ago

Hey guys I just made a new game; Uncle swap!

[–]Nexum 0 points1 point ago

An excellent example of bathos.

[–]_ShyGuy_ 0 points1 point ago

Being named Simon, I can tell you this is 100% fact.

[–]scotems 0 points1 point ago

That's a great card. I gotta send these out.

[–]pingspike 0 points1 point ago

HAHAHAHAHA was not expecting that. rofl.

[–]fliptron4040 0 points1 point ago

I can't be the only one that read "fayre" as "Favre"? Damn you ESPN!

[–]Game25900 -5 points-4 points ago

Simple Simon, Met a Pieman, Going to the fayre, Said Simple Simon, To the Pieman, Can i have an icecream please?

[–]laldans 1 point2 points ago

meh

the OP was funnier

[–]Game25900 0 points1 point ago

Oh yeah i know that one was funnier, i was sharing one i remembered from a book i used to read as a kid, it was a book of nonsense rhymes, it was a collection of children's poems that usually ended in random ways and this is one of the ones that stuck in my head.

[–]Piefayth -1 points0 points ago

This was sent to me. Please don't steal my karma.

[–]stvb95[S] 1 point2 points ago

I can verify it if you really want me to

[–]No_Way_Pablo -1 points0 points ago

Well screw you Pieman....Jerk.

[–]Bruneti12 -3 points-2 points ago

Shut up and take my upvote.

[–]the_fancy_walrus -1 points0 points ago

Well that escalated quickly.

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