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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]pileofpylons 961 points962 points ago

She's gonna flip her stuff when she finds out you can watch Rio on Netflix

[–]dontlemmedown 612 points613 points ago

Or Birds. That's a classic.

[–]uranus86 299 points300 points ago

Nothing like giving her a bird phobia while you still can.

[–]NotaMethAddict 264 points265 points ago

Two birds with one stone.

[–]ow_my_balls 143 points144 points ago

You can get two birds stoned at once

[–]Xanthien 92 points93 points ago

And the kid.

[–]Dildo_Ball_Baggins 63 points64 points ago

Three birds with one stone. Now we're being economical.

[–]Xanthien 63 points64 points ago

How about 2 birds and 1 cup?

[–]A_vision_of_Yuria 47 points48 points ago

Sounds shitty.

[–]stoptakingmynames 15 points16 points ago

Nothing outside of r/trees has made me laugh this good so far.

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points ago

Well that's embarrassing.

[–]ffffffuuuuuuuuu 7 points8 points ago

Thanks Ricky, need some smokes?

[–]krustywazoo 15 points16 points ago

You can also get stoned with two birds.

[–]Ifuxdalion 4 points5 points ago

Initially read that as "Two birds and one cup", had to scroll back up and check.

[–]Good_Guy_Graig 15 points16 points ago

I dated a girl with a bird phobia once. Bet you can't guess my favorite part of the pet store.

[–]NoahhtheBanana 41 points42 points ago

The unicorns?

[–]Good_Guy_Graig 23 points24 points ago

Yes.

[–]HiddenUnicorn 5 points6 points ago

Hey, wanna be friends then?

[–]Two_Oceans_Eleven 2 points3 points ago

Crows. My ex-girlfriend was afraid of crows.

[–]dontlemmedown 13 points14 points ago

Well if you're not going to do it young, when are you?

[–]AnalogDan 10 points11 points ago

Um, when they're old? Birds is fucking TERRIFYING.

[–]barrowsx 34 points35 points ago

Birdemic?

[–]Jinairik 15 points16 points ago

Because hangers are the best defense against poorly animated birds.

[–]averageowl 6 points7 points ago

[–]barrowsx 2 points3 points ago

Relevant AND hilarious.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

Is that on Netflix? I don't think it is.

By the way, that movie is soooo fucking boring. I like a good ol' fashioned "so bad it's good" movie as much as the next guy, but one girl's bra-hidden tits and some humorously shitty birds can only sustain me so long.

[–]TraverseTown 19 points20 points ago

Neither Birds nor Rio is on Netflix in the US!

[–]hellsnake08 5 points6 points ago

Very well, How about Paulie? I loved that movie.

[–]sltkr 7 points8 points ago

Surely you mean “The Birds”, or are you referring to something other than the Hitchcock classic?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

my little sister watched that movie and won't stop going around the house going "tweet! tweet! tweet!" so I don't recommend showing that movie to her.

[–]namtrix 2 points3 points ago

From you making that deduction I feel you'd make a pretty awesome secret Santa.

[–]camperfish 394 points395 points ago

Netflix even costs less than boys or girls. Win win.

[–]DotNine 634 points635 points ago

you clearly haven't visited downtown Detroit

[–]ushldbrdngblwths 348 points349 points ago

The saddest upvote I've ever given

[–]skyroof_hilltop 102 points103 points ago

I'm sitting alone at a bar right now browsing alien blue in the corner, and this comment made me feel. To me, it's beautiful.

[–]Groovesharts 129 points130 points ago

This comment's a little sadder than the other one.

[–]Captain_Sparky 29 points30 points ago

It's a little more smoky and noir to me. Skyroof in the back behind the unused pool tables, lights dim, shadows sharp - only thing visible is the light from his cigarette, everything's black and white, and he's carrying on an introspective monologue about "this damn town"...

[–]DrFeeIgood 17 points18 points ago

Get the hell out of here Holden Caulfield. This isn't New York, this is Detroit.

[–]sketchymcsketcherson 5 points6 points ago

Stop it. Go talk to someone!

[–]MisterSquidz 47 points48 points ago

It's so cold in the D......

[–]Khalexus 18 points19 points ago

How the da fuck do we spose to keep peace?

[–]bluefry 5 points6 points ago

Its actually been in the upper 90s here recently...

[–]RedSalesperson 121 points122 points ago

Netflix is hella expensive in downtown Detroit.

[–]camperfish 6 points7 points ago

Well that's where the birds come in...

[–]skatermario3 5 points6 points ago

8 Mile resident here, I can confirm this.

[–]SupermanV2 1247 points1248 points ago

I'll be honest, I think that's a pretty weird question to ask a little kid.

[–]OompaOrangeFace 63 points64 points ago

My dad asked me at least once if I wanted to be a boy or a girl (I'm a boy). I think it was after he watched some show on Showtime about transvestites.

[–]DingleberrySprinkles 140 points141 points ago

Whatever your answer, son, I still love you.

[–]i_fancy_that 103 points104 points ago

The subtle manipulation is golden.

[–]AdrenalineMonkey 10 points11 points ago

OompaOrangeFace gazed up into DingleberrySprinkles' eyes, and finally felt the acceptance he craved

[–]nitefang 518 points519 points ago

It's only weird if you care about the response, when I have a kid, I'm going to ask it random stuff all the time, just to see what it says. Maybe it will have some good ideas, or it will just be funny.

[–]BONUSBOX 38 points39 points ago

you should create a youtube channel where you ask kids questions and they'll just say the darndest things.

[–]propaglandist 18 points19 points ago

also, wear weird sweaters.

[–]bourbonforbabies 13 points14 points ago

I try to get music reviews out of the kids I nanny for.

[–]SupermanV2 259 points260 points ago

It huh.

[–]Libberator 479 points480 points ago

Gender is unidentified, ergo: it

[–]GearSpinner 185 points186 points ago

Engilsh is in great need of a gender neutral pronoun.

[–]tubesockfan 378 points379 points ago

'It' is it.

[–]Finnishalzheimerskid 54 points55 points ago

What is it? IT'S IT!

[–]Mudders_Milk_Man 45 points46 points ago

Yooooouuuuu waaaaaant it all but you can't haaaave it....

[–]YouEnglishNotSoGood 2 points3 points ago

I see only 13 people got this reference, currently. I did and you got an upvote for it. Keep doin' what you do, my man.

[–]Mudders_Milk_Man 2 points3 points ago

Thanks. heh.

Mike Patton is an insane vocal genius.

[–]Finnishalzheimerskid 2 points3 points ago

Wait a second I'M the one who made the reference!!

[–]GirthMallet 2 points3 points ago

Can you feel it, see it, hear it today? If you can't, then it doesn't matter anyway.

[–]rawnoodles10 5 points6 points ago

Then who's on second?

[–]MrE2Me 68 points69 points ago

"It" is neither male or female, not neutral. You wouldn't say it when referring to a girl for example.

[–]Bloqhead 14 points15 points ago

"Null"? "Undefined"? Those would work just fine for programmers having children.

[–]Scrawly 2 points3 points ago

I honestly didn't know they could do that.

[–]DigitalChocobo 96 points97 points ago

nitefang just did

[–]Fancie_pants 89 points90 points ago

No they were referring to their hypothetical unborn child which could be either a boy or a girl or a mutated space alien unicorn. Hence it.

[–]PlaysWithInternets 35 points36 points ago

If I have a mutated space alien unicorn I will name it "it" and then write about It every chance I get.

[–]trueclash 3 points4 points ago

If you had an alien space unicorn, it would most likely have a gender. So you would say he or she. Unless it self replicates, like the creatures in tremors. Then it is your only option.

[–]Founder_of_SRS 96 points97 points ago

Why not Zoidberg?

[–]HemHaw 101 points102 points ago

They.

[–]karodean 60 points61 points ago

I am so in favor of "they" as a gender-neutral singular pronoun. Fuck existing language rules, we need one and it's more likely to catch on than any of the alternatives.

[–]unladenswallow 49 points50 points ago

more likely? it already has caught on, i don't know anybody who uses anything other than "they" as a gender neutral pronoun when referring to people

ninjaedit: after some googling, it's known as the "epicene they"

[–]karodean 20 points21 points ago

Really? I've gotten into a few debates with people who point-blank refuse to accept the use of a singular 'they' as valid. Glad to hear it's more common than I thought.

[–]1zero2two8eight 2 points3 points ago

Thus is the evolution of language. However, in academic writing, you should use "him/her" when trying to be gender neutral.

[–]Canadian_Infidel 5 points6 points ago

Definitely common.

[–]mysticrudnin 30 points31 points ago

This is actually how "language rules" work. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. People decide what to use and that becomes the rule.

[–]MazzyStarsoftheLid 2 points3 points ago

once again, even though it's parodying dinosaur comics, XKCD is relevant.

http://xkcd.com/145/

[–]Moustachiod_T-Rex 3 points4 points ago

'They' as a singular pronoun has been used as such for hundreds of years.

[–]DrAidsburger 14 points15 points ago

Neuchacho

[–]nitefang 12 points13 points ago

Schlim.

[–]aptadnauseum 12 points13 points ago

"One"

[–]allfrosting 20 points21 points ago

gender neutral pronouns: Ze, hir

"ze didn't know what to do with all of hir lemons"

[–]dumbledorkus 55 points56 points ago

Yes but those sound stupid.

[–]Nick1693 8 points9 points ago

They sound German. Which works, because English is a Germanic language.

[–]tuktu 13 points14 points ago

Honestly I'm all in favour of gender neutral pronouns but I just can't stand ze/hir. It just sounds like she/her with a ridiculous accent to me. "They" feels natural.

[–]ZeekySantos 2 points3 points ago

And 'they' while not formally correct is used all the time and is widely accepted as a gender neutral substitute.

[–]AlienRaper 2 points3 points ago

Doesn't ze sound almost as much like he, and hir sound similar to him as well? I agree it sounds funny, but not for those reasons.

[–]UnitedLiar 6 points7 points ago

I seriously thought I had ended up in /r/LGBT...

[–]notamouse418 2 points3 points ago

Go Liberal Arts colleges!

[–]smok_e_wan_kenobie 3 points4 points ago

"Pat"

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points ago

FALSE DICHOTOMY. What if she likes goats? You know, who is to judge?

[–]zachwampler 12 points13 points ago

Everything is weird to you, Superman. You're not from this planet.

[–]SupermanV2 4 points5 points ago

That hurts man. Next time you're falling from a burning building don't expect me to catch you.

[–]CAPT_OBVlOUS 84 points85 points ago

But the question only has two alternatives...

[–]uranus86 337 points338 points ago

Yes, birds and netflix duh

[–][deleted] 71 points72 points ago

Or bats and blockbuster express.

[–]pileofpylons 31 points32 points ago

little girls LOVE bats

[–]InsulinDependent 8 points9 points ago

and no one loves blockbuster

[–]pat5168 8 points9 points ago

I remember when I was a little kid, went to a zoo once during summer camp. There was a sign that said "Red Bat" and a trail that led to its enclosure. I was fucking ecstatic, I had to see that bat. Once I got there, all there was was a red plastic baseball bat hanging from a string in a cage. I was mislead and enraged, and now hate bats.

[–]Sinavestia 45 points46 points ago

I'm gonna get that bitch a bat, bitches love bats.

[–]kgriffin44 17 points18 points ago

Truth: My dog got really excited whenever she saw a bat.

[–]Sinavestia 16 points17 points ago

One time, I saw a rat sitting on the top of my bedroom door frame. I thought to myself "How the hell did he get up there?" so I poked him with a broom and the bastard flew at me, nearly making me piss my pants. True Story.

[–]DomoInMySoup 16 points17 points ago

So was it a flying rat or a bat. We need to know these things, man.

[–]thedarklordkyp 6 points7 points ago

Well, they DO eat spiders...

[–]alistairtenpennyson 2 points3 points ago

Lest we forget flying squirrels and red box.

[–]thesleepiest 5 points6 points ago

She clearly gave that answer for the karma

[–]BlowItOutYerAss 29 points30 points ago

I was afraid it was the "Por que no los dos?" girl for a second.

[–]1zero2two8eight 27 points28 points ago

Maybe she realized the false dichotomy.

[–]pudgylumpkins 8 points9 points ago

At the risk of sounding like an idiot, I'm going to need that explained to me if you're willing.

[–]Poopstick_McButtdog 5 points6 points ago

[–]LarrySDonald 7 points8 points ago

Our ways must part here. The party is splitting, half of us turning left, the other right. Which one shall you choose to follow?

It's a hard choice, but I have made it. I shall sit here, watching netflix and listening to birds..

[–]Lereas 19 points20 points ago

Well, it may not have been what we're reading into it. Maybe they just meant which do you prefer to play with? I mean, as a 3 or 4 year old or however old she is, I definitely would have said I liked boys better because all of my friends were boys. I didn't attach anything about sexual identity to it, I just liked pretending we were blowing things up and playing video games.

[–]Ausgeflippt 2 points3 points ago

The video is in MC Chris' Brony video (whatever he released on April 1st).

In context, the question comes off as really fucked up. It's entirely about sexuality. Of a 4 year old girl...

[–]kingofbigmac 8 points9 points ago

It's funny to ask little kids just to hear their opinions. I asked my ex's 4 year old if he liked boys or girls just to get his reaction and he said both. They are all my friends. He called one of his male friends his girlfriend and it really was just innocent fun. But the funny thing is that his biological father is bi, my ex (his mom) is bi, and my ex's dad is bi. Kind of weird.

[–]merrywhoyear 24 points25 points ago

Not really. Stop sexualizing it.

[–]TheJulian 8 points9 points ago

Fuck yes. I find it more than a little fucked up that the people running around pointing fingers and yelling "PEDO!" are often the ones reading sexual intonation into completely non-sexual behaviour.... And their doing it on behalf of kids.

[–]Chicken65 33 points34 points ago

I think this is the first time I can say I saw something on Tumblr before I saw it on reddit. Months before actually.

[–]handmethatkitten 13 points14 points ago

yeah this was all over tumblr for a while.

[–]TheKrazyOne 9 points10 points ago

I saw this on reddit around the end of last year. Then saw it again a few months later and again now. Funny content gets reposted a lot.

[–]PiIot 7 points8 points ago

Funny content gets reposted a lot.

[–]Moustachiod_T-Rex 3 points4 points ago

Really? This happens all the time. And it's irritating.

Especially those "How I feel when" posts, those are 99% tumblr.

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 245 points246 points ago

[–]Cptn_Hook 307 points308 points ago

I hate to say it, but she was completely devoid of the comedic timing I attributed her in the original image. Step your game up, little kid.

[–]TSolo315 71 points72 points ago

She's still cute as hell.

[–]qu4d 44 points45 points ago

Yeah, 10/10.

[–]wheresurgodnow 38 points39 points ago

Don't you need to identify yourself as a registered sex offender under Federal Law before making such remarks?

[–]qu4d 31 points32 points ago

Got an online form? Not allowed to leave my cell.

[–]wheresurgodnow 5 points6 points ago

Here you go Sir:

http://www.mass.gov/eopss/docs/sorb/sor-form-002.pdf

Don't forget to mail to the address stated on the bottom of the form.

Have a smashing day.

[–]bigtreeworld 24 points25 points ago

And now my work's gonna check my internet history and I'm going to get fired

[–]no-sweat 13 points14 points ago

I'm sure he was just rating the cuteness, it's not like he said "would bang" or anything.

I'm sure.

[–]htwhooh 9 points10 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]WeLoveKanjimari 7 points8 points ago

"I like NETFLIX" makes me think of...well, for some reason, the Tim and Eric sketch with the guy on the QVC-style show who goes into rants about how sucky his childhood was.

"Eat your own dog?! Dogs should be RAW. And LIVING."

The way he said that is how I imagined her saying "I like NETFLIX. And BIRDS."

[–]SevenSignz 2 points3 points ago

I agree. In my head it sounded like Bender's "blackjack and hookers" bit.

[–]NotWithThatAttitude 7 points8 points ago

Awww - this is the dad who sang that one song with his other kid!

Edit: The video I was thinking of..

[–]RioTheDragonMan 2 points3 points ago

Yup. I also like their cover of Rolling in the Deep But "Home" is definitely their best.

[–]TheLastPureOne 127 points128 points ago

I also like Netflix and birds...or actually, just Netflix. Birds are outside. I don't like that place.

[–]reverbs 41 points42 points ago

It's dangerous out there!

[–]Xanthien 33 points34 points ago

Outside has bears. Bears eat people. Therefore, going outside means you'll be eaten by bears.

[–]Socks_In_The_Mirror 13 points14 points ago

If you're TV service goes down, you have nothing to do inside. When you have nothing to do inside, you go outside. When you go outside, you walk around. When you walk around, you end up in a forest. You you end up in a forest, you see a bear. When you see a bear, you run away. When your run away, the bear notices you. When the bear notices you, it eats you.

Don't get eaten by a bear. Get Netflix and a working laptop.

[–]The_Painted_Man 3 points4 points ago

I heard somewhere that womens periods attract bears. The bears can smell the menstruation! Well that's just great. You hear that, Xanthien? Bears. Now you're putting the whole of Reddit in jeopardy.

[–]FrostMagma 13 points14 points ago

out...side?

care to elaborate?

[–]DAspocklover 25 points26 points ago

It's where the mail comes from. Mail and flies.

[–]pieguy40 2 points3 points ago

Oddly it's where skinny people hang out. I have no idea why they would get attacked by flies and mailmen when they could just hang out INSIDE.

[–]DAspocklover 2 points3 points ago

It's a mystery. We've made scouts skinny and sent them out to investigate, but none have returned.

[–]pieguy40 2 points3 points ago

It's like they actually- ENJOY it out there! They must have been brainwashed. It's the only solution.

[–]Forestisinthetrees 2 points3 points ago

The day orb makes my skin spontaneously burst into flame.

[–]hunt3rshadow 10 points11 points ago

eliana!

[–]MorseCodeDude 174 points175 points ago

She's Netflisexual

[–]endorsedcat 247 points248 points ago

She's young we try not to sexualize her.

[–]TheProfessor01 63 points64 points ago

Classic Winger.

[–]shadowmask 33 points34 points ago

Notches.

[–]camperfish 23 points24 points ago

[–]FlyingPasta 10 points11 points ago

If this existed, I would be a proud Netflisexual.

[–]jamesbarbour 13 points14 points ago

Its not that uncommon, and its usually just called lonely.

[–]CivilDefence 36 points37 points ago

I don't like girls, I like Reddit.

[–]Kamikasi 28 points29 points ago

I was going to add "and cats", but quickly realized that would be a tautology.

[–]JacketPotatoes 20 points21 points ago

Definition of tautology - needless repetition of an idea, especially in words other than those of the immediate context, without imparting additional force or clearness, as in “widow woman.”

[–]Eldryce 19 points20 points ago

I learn so much on Reddit.

[–]fridge_logic 4 points5 points ago

That matching quote is win:

"To create man was a quaint and original idea, but to add sheep was tautology." - Mark Twain

[–]mattwaver 5 points6 points ago

That would be tautology and redundant.

[–]itsprobablytrue 9 points10 points ago

Do any 21-34yo girls really feel this way? if so I have the internet, and a computer.

[–]Idonthaveapoint 5 points6 points ago

Do you have any birds?

[–]drawingshitforyou 17 points18 points ago

[–]boymayor 70 points71 points ago

She knows what many ladies had to turn 20 to realize.

Good job, kid.

[–]AdrenalineMonkey 4 points5 points ago

*40

[–]boymayor 3 points4 points ago

Well in the 40 year old's defense, Netflix wasn't out until they were 35.

[–]iDgiraffe 5 points6 points ago

YouTube.com/RealityChangers

[–]07040 22 points23 points ago

I love lamp

[–]PastorOfMuppets94 2 points3 points ago

07040, do you really love lamp?

[–]07040 2 points3 points ago

i love lamp ... i love lamp

[–]bvlyons17 4 points5 points ago

RealityChangers!!!!!

[–]waflitis 3 points4 points ago

Put a bird on it!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

This is spam post by a marketing company.

[–]Mikheilm 45 points46 points ago

Who asks that kind of question to a little kid? What is going on in this video?

[–]monkeyhero 34 points35 points ago

The question wasn't about sexual preferences... He just asked a 3 year old who she likes.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

But look at how p.c. he is!

[–]ColorsLikeSPACESHIPS 23 points24 points ago

Would you still be as confused if the original question were simply "Do you like boys?"

[–]caryhartline 13 points14 points ago

No silly, because "being straight isn't sexual". I remembering being taught about straight relationships at home and at school and no one called it sexual. Somehow, you're "exposing kids to sexuality" when you talk about gay relationships.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

i really hate it when people think that. my sexuality isn't actual sex and has nothing to do with it :(

[–]AnalogDan 17 points18 points ago

Your confusion excites me...

[–]Cordelia884 15 points16 points ago

Your excitement confuses me.

[–]kels15 2 points3 points ago

Her dad does. You should watch the whole video.

[–]ifeedcats 2 points3 points ago

Anyone have the source for this? Girl looks familiar. Youtuber baby?

[–]RalphVader 2 points3 points ago

I would be so proud of my hypothetical daughter if she hypothetically said this.

[–]drgonzodan 2 points3 points ago

She says it at the end of this video

[–]Horvaticus 2 points3 points ago

If she plays her cards right she can screw the legal system and marry a bird, then draw unemployment and sit around her trailer watching all the netflix she wants.

[–]tinster4x4 2 points3 points ago

I would have gone with Netflix and Cats.

[–]cloverbrease 7 points8 points ago

Reality changers :)

[–]Slyfox00 4 points5 points ago

Kids are just plain honest sometimes. We would burn the world to the ground in weeks if we didn't "grow up." Kid's morality is much more entertaining.

[–]Inception__Button 3 points4 points ago

Silly answers to silly questions.

[–]Dukes159 2 points3 points ago

Im a netflixsexual

[–]FunkiPorcini 1 point2 points ago

That would be my girl, if I had one. I only gave birth to boys.

[–]crushtheweek 1 point2 points ago

Oh, I remember when I was young and thought netflix and birds would never do anything to hurt me