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top 200 commentsshow all 317

[–]Viridz 125 points126 points ago

Here's an AWESOME fan-made continuation of Hey Arnold. Not WTF, but so relevant.

http://i.imgur.com/AJSqk.jpg

[–]Gawdzillers 22 points23 points ago

No Pigeon Man?

0/10 super gay

[–]Dexyn 4 points5 points ago

Arnold in Ten Years is the most relevantly fantastic fan-fiction I've ever had the pleasure of reading.

I grew up with that silly show, and it's almost nice to see a somewhat twisted and adult take on a kids show that, to my mind, wasn't all that deep to begin with.

If you're a fan, I say, take a look.

[–]dan667 8 points9 points ago

Like dis if u cry evertim *sniff sniff *

[–]PanoramicPanda 3 points4 points ago

ALL MY UPVOTES!

[–]thederpmeister 1 point2 points ago

;_;

[–]we_love_dassie 1 point2 points ago

Helga getting sexually abused? I don't buy it. Her mother and father's characters weren't all that developed but I never imagined they were that heartless and cruel. For minor characters, both of them were featured in their own separate episodes bonding with Helga, and even one with her and Olga.

This reads like it was written by someone who was going through some personal dillema. It was a kid's show after all, and I imagine if the show continued into Arnold's teenage and adult years, this sort of topic would've never been portrayed.

Don't mean to shit on his story, but that's just my 2 cents.

[–]COBRARocky 268 points269 points ago

Arnold's eyes.

Those soulless eyes.

[–]keyboardlover 138 points139 points ago

And Helga...

...dat eyebrow...

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Alecohol 46 points47 points ago

I dated a girl with cross eyes. When she gave me blowjobs, one eye was looking at me and one eye was looking elsewhere.

[–]ByJiminy 281 points282 points ago

Sorry to break this to you, but I think she was seeing someone on the side.

[–]RandomPrecision1 47 points48 points ago

Oh you

[–]dickhole_papercut 59 points60 points ago

[–]UbiDubiumIbiLibertas 1 point2 points ago

[–]You_butt_pirate 120 points121 points ago

Read the whole thing... Not sure if Gusta

[–]unsurebutwilling[!] 45 points46 points ago

Are you serious? That shit's hilarious. Gusta mucho!

[–]Fernandezthespick 11 points12 points ago

I believe you mean mucho gusto

[–]megalurkeruygcxrtgbn 20 points21 points ago

No, he definitely means Me gusta mucho. Much Gusto doesn't mean I like it very much. Mucho gusto means pleased to meet you.

[–]zxo0oxz 27 points28 points ago

You're arguing with a guy who's username is "Fernandezthespick"

[–]DiaDeLosMuertos 1 point2 points ago

Haha, español was my first language and after I read your comment I was like "... oh yeahhh..."

[–]megalurkeruygcxrtgbn 2 points3 points ago

Whoa....you forgot your own first language?

[–]venividiikarma 17 points18 points ago

Wait a second... You're not the usual guy that does these...

[–]RaveGod 13 points14 points ago

I approve of this highbrow humor.

[–]JubeltheBear 6 points7 points ago

Directed by... John Wu

[–]hcumberdale1 22 points23 points ago

I'm actually kind of disappointed that Alicia didn't end up being a crustacean from the Paleozoic era.

[–]COBRARocky 13 points14 points ago

Theres a feeling of knowing you're indirectly responsible for posts like these. I cant put it into words. It isnt quite guilt and it isnt quite pride.

[–]RavingAndDrooling 8 points9 points ago

10/10.

[–]oboedude 1 point2 points ago

Would read again

[–]TheMathGiraffe 7 points8 points ago

Do you whip out this story any time someone mentions a unibrow?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

That's not all he whips out.

[–]mmoynan 16 points17 points ago

Has sex in freshman year, first blow job not till junior year... No comprendo señor.

[–]potentiallyoffensive 6 points7 points ago

And, our sophomore year, we lost our virginity to each other.

[–]Sqpon 1 point2 points ago

Don't know why you're being downvoted since you're right.

[–]Nizica 4 points5 points ago

10/10 Would read again.

[–]army-of-none 3 points4 points ago

I guess the moral of the story is... Don't jizz in people's faces.

[–]Volpethrope 1 point2 points ago

Huh. You don't say.

[–]keyboardlover 1 point2 points ago

[–]YaegerMeister 1 point2 points ago

Cool story bro.

[–]Cilph 1 point2 points ago

Wha....unibrows aren't a problem. You just have to trim/shave it every few days.

[–]Hime_Takamura 5 points6 points ago

I dated a guy with a blonde monobrow. it was weird. his younger sister also had one. hers was horrifying.

[–]The_Kief_Chief 4 points5 points ago

Hahaha. That just made my morning.

[–]HarryParaballz 160 points161 points ago

It's very obvious what's going on here. Arnold planned at a very young age to impregnate Helga in order to pay her back for being such a cunt to him. Ingenious, really.

[–]lionelmesssi 90 points91 points ago

He's playing the long con.

[–]justanotherPeanut 36 points37 points ago

He sure went in at a wide angle.

[–]TheDanSandwich 12 points13 points ago

That pun is kind of a stretch.

[–]mattrubik 13 points14 points ago

The whole pun game makes me feel torn.

[–]OmNamahShivaya 25 points26 points ago

Vaginas getting horribly ripped apart.

[–]mattrubik 10 points11 points ago

You combo breakers just tear me up inside.

[–]Gawdzillers 2 points3 points ago

Nice save, sir. You should be crowned King of Reddit.

[–]KiiLLBOT 564 points565 points ago

The real birth parents of Stewie Griffin.

[–]BathofFire 249 points250 points ago

Except it's explained in an episode that Stewie's head got that way from an accident and he had a normal skull at birth.

[–]blooperama 227 points228 points ago

here's a clip of the accident.

[–]Vakz 212 points213 points ago

This is why I love reddit. I never have to google anything again.

[–]FartingBob 53 points54 points ago

Except of course when someone posts a photo of a random celebrity, or a screenshot of a 15 year old game, or a band on stage and titles it "look who i saw today!" and all the top comments are agreeing with OP that it's awesome, without mentioning the name so unless you have an encyclopaedic knowledge of SNES games, old movies and minor celebrities you are left clueless.

That really fucks me off sometimes.

But when its something blindingly obvious you get a thousand links in the comments to relevent sites.

[–]Pool_Shark 1 point2 points ago

Eventually if you keep looking you are bound to find out what it is. If not just ask and someone will answer on hopes of some cheap karma.

[–]Nawara_Ven 1 point2 points ago

Sometimes you just can't be sure if it's Battletoads or not.

[–]Trobot087 1 point2 points ago

that really fucks me off

Not sure if you're using those words right, or if you're using them better than they've ever been uses before.

[–]Zeal2424 120 points121 points ago

Except that is the only time you see him with a head like that. There are multiple occasions where they show him at birth with the same head as he has now. I would link you to something on youtube but fuck you lazy cunt.

[–]Vakz 82 points83 points ago

It's okay. I probably wouldn't have watched it anyway.

[–]Mr_Cutestory 82 points83 points ago

[–]Zakk_Sabbath 1 point2 points ago

Holy shit I just saw Bubble Boy on TV for the first time in years, and wondered to myself what that actor was up to these days.

[–]jagedlion 12 points13 points ago

You see him in the womb with the football head in this episode with the 'man in white': youtu.be/GvpbzRf99-8

Also, the one where he delivered and comes out with a map of Europe... can't remember that episode enough to find it though.

[–]Se7en_Sinner 24 points25 points ago

It's not like everything else in the show has any continuity.

[–]phanboy 7 points8 points ago

Does Family Guy even promise intraepisode continuity?

[–]crashinworld14 1 point2 points ago

Episodes generally are consistent within themselves, yes, but I doubt the show promises inter-episode continuity.

[–]Theo95aa 15 points16 points ago

Stewie is disturbingly weird with the "normal" skull...

[–]ruddelsticks 2 points3 points ago

I think Family Guy would have been a lot better as a series of shorts.

[–]almar7 2 points3 points ago

Thank you for posting the link :)

[–]trapped_in_jonhamm 28 points29 points ago

He's also been a baby for 11 years now. Each episode is in its own universe.

[–]LizardArmyOfJFK 6 points7 points ago

They're all different timelines with different outcomes. The thing we don't know is what initiated this divergence. Movie idea?

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points ago

Jeff decided to roll a die.

[–]soyabstemio 11 points12 points ago

The Higgs Boson did it.

[–]vyleside 1 point2 points ago

Isnt that basically road to the multiverse?

[–]SauerJosh 45 points46 points ago

Family Guy also has made it seem as if he was born that way.

There is no cannon in Family Guy.

[–]Armakham 48 points49 points ago

[–]temudgin 18 points19 points ago

the comments are about ww2 and some guy threatening that his dad will send a tank to another guys house. On a video of pirates sword fighting on family guy. God damnit internet.

[–]mewditto 2 points3 points ago

Aren't 10 year old's great?

[–]green_cheese 6 points7 points ago

We saved your asses in word war 2 atleast. The french worship us or maby we needed germany the Nazis to invade England o that's right THEY DID ENVADE ENGLAND SO SHUT THE HE'LL UP AND RESPECT US YOU SORE ASS LOOSERS LOST 2 wars to the unitedstates and you were soo fuken bad u begged for our help in both world wars, so shut up before I get my father to launch a nuke on Brittan ps my fathers the leader of the armed forces so stop your bickering or if u do live in the us I'll send a tank over there

Just... what?

[–]ConansBeard 4 points5 points ago

does it bother you that that sail would actually be blowing the other way and producing drag

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

Wilhelm scream!

[–]Blastmaster29 1 point2 points ago

Why do people find this funny. It's stupid and goes on for way too long. Maybe funny for the first 20 seconds.

[–]generouscumshaw 2 points3 points ago

Just like the show! YEEEEAAAHHHHHH

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

I'm tempted to go out of my way to find a Family Guy episode with a cannon somewhere, but I think we can just assume that there is one at some point.

[–]COBRARocky 4 points5 points ago

This show cant be consistent for even five seconds.

Note the lack of a door when he turns around

[–]hercs95 1 point2 points ago

You don't have a door that turns into a window? I guess I'm the only one.

[–]KiiLLBOT 3 points4 points ago

That was all a dream...

[–]CharlestonChewbacca 5 points6 points ago

It's called a 'simulaaation' Brian.

[–]JXDB 2 points3 points ago

I dunno man, I think some people might get pretty pissed off...

[–]Polite_Insults 1 point2 points ago

BOTs don't have dreams

[–]KiiLLBOT 4 points5 points ago

I am not entirely a bot. You see, A young man was in an accident that damaged 45% of his body. The only way he could survive was if they merged us. What they don't know is that I still have access to my memories & can still connect to my main database back at HQ. Therefore I shall carry out my one mission. TO KILL HUG ALL HUMANS!

[–]Polite_Insults 1 point2 points ago

Then why aren't you named:

notactuallygoingtokillyoueventhoughiwouldliketoinsteadiwillgiveyouahugandstealyourwallet

This sounds much closer to what you are saying.

[–]KiiLLBOT 2 points3 points ago

Bravo my friend. Bravo...

[–]WhyAyala 1 point2 points ago

At this point, you should be well aware that there is very little continuity in Family Guy.

[–]Burning_Kobun 1 point2 points ago

or stewie's later life

[–]schavira[!] 21 points22 points ago

Why is Phoebe there?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]hippiemachine 38 points39 points ago

Isn't she the 5th grade girl that they tried to woo in that one episode? She had a blonde friend named Maria who kept yelling at some Tony dude to "come ova here!"

[–]charliedayman 15 points16 points ago

Correct answer. Fuck the obvious-pointer above you. "Mariiiaaaaa! Come OVER here!"

[–]justanotherPeanut 15 points16 points ago

"No, Tony! You come ova here!"

[–]why3645 7 points8 points ago

[–]Sharrakor 46 points47 points ago

But... you didn't keep it to yourself...

[–]schavira[!] 4 points5 points ago

Do best friends watch each other get ultrasounds?

[–]discipula_vitae 6 points7 points ago

Oh yeah. Especially of this is an unexpected out-of-wedlock pregnancy and Bob and the family don't approve, so all Helga has to rely on is Arnold and Phoebe.

[–]Ricochet_ger 1 point2 points ago

Arnold cheated with her. It's actually her baby.(Look,they even have the same eyes!)

[–]Froggy_hop 23 points24 points ago

I hate to be the one to notice this, but does Arnold have an erection?

[–]generouscumshaw 1 point2 points ago

It's ok

[–]not-WTF 132 points133 points ago

[–]codemunkeh 27 points28 points ago

yes. my immediate reaction is "lol" not "wat" (mixed with "i have seen this before")

[–]H3000 23 points24 points ago

Your body is starting to react in internet language. Perhaps you need to log off.

[–]divinesleeper 12 points13 points ago

Sadly this is a novelty that was needed.

[–][deleted] 49 points50 points ago

Im not gonna lie I would totally watch a version of "Hey Arnold" in their early 20's.

[–]homeboy5925 67 points68 points ago

fuck no. "all grown up" series are horrible, ask the rugrats

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points ago

Well I think an early 20's Hey Arnold would be edgier than "All Grown Up" Arnold got Helga knocked up.

[–]homeboy5925 26 points27 points ago

rugrats all grown up wasn't bad because it wasnt edgy, it was bad because them being babies was basically the point of the show. Same thing with Hey Arnold; there's no way you could make them all grow up and retain the same magic of the original series

[–]mikemcg 4 points5 points ago

But them being kids was only so that real kids could relate to situations in Hey Arnold.

[–]discipula_vitae 5 points6 points ago

I don't know about that. I definitely agree that the point of rugrats was for them to be babies, but Arnold was different. Arnold was the mature 4th grader who was the mediator. He had to grow up an be mature, as in not act like your standard 4th grader. I'm ready to see how he sows his wild oats if say his grad parents died and he was left with no responsibility.

[–]kjzm5r 4 points5 points ago

After all these years, I still really want to know if he ever finds his parents!

[–]homeboy5925 1 point2 points ago

theyre dead

[–]kjzm5r 1 point2 points ago

But at the end of the series, doesn't he find a clue to their whereabouts? He sets off to go find them in South America and that's where the series ends?

[–]quirx90 1 point2 points ago

Gramma and Grandpa are immortal

[–]paperfriendly 19 points20 points ago

I think Recess could pull it off. But they would have to change the show title to Block C: Lunch Hour.

[–]pencilinfrontofme 7 points8 points ago

The first episode was decent, remember that episode they had like 3 years before the actual series it was just a special? that was cool as fuck

[–]Sirdannykins 17 points18 points ago

Imagine Arnold and Gerald, as they aged, they saw their neighborhood become a crime filled cesspool. Spurned on by this they both promise each other to becomes cops and save it. Both of them fresh out of police academy, Assigned to their old neighborhood, they begin to see just how bad it is as they are forced to confront old friends and foes of childhood, and they begin to see that being a hero means making sacrifices.

[–]threethirds 4 points5 points ago

wow, that's actually a pretty good idea. it'd have to be done pretty dark though, i'd think

[–]Ivess 3 points4 points ago

I'd watch that

[–]alamodafthouse 1 point2 points ago

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Big Bob Pataki has become a corrupt mayor and Chocolate Boy is now a crack fiend.

[–][deleted] 131 points132 points ago

He has a semi. I can see it in his pants. The way they stretch. The fabric of his underwear is groaning under the strain of his emerging manhood. The weave of cotton grimaces as it contorts with the shape of Arnold's life bringer.

[–]YouDirtySloot 121 points122 points ago

I think SOMEBODY needs to lay off the Fifty Shades of Gray.

[–]TheAlmightySeabass 40 points41 points ago

Fifty Shades of Arnold

[–]ChimpanAToChimpanzee 8 points9 points ago

IT'S NOT A BONAH!

[–]Gawdzillers 2 points3 points ago

I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

I don't do that, or bath salts or any things like that.

[–]bob_chip 10 points11 points ago

life bringer. lost it.

[–]genderfucker 19 points20 points ago

Wow.

[–]IT_Derp 9 points10 points ago

Darn it, why did I look

[–]WhyAyala 8 points9 points ago

Why would there be a truck in Arnolds pants?

[–]mightaswellaskthis 1 point2 points ago

I just want you to know that 10 days later, I'm still laughing at your comments.

[–]Timmyd327 12 points13 points ago

Imagine the eyebrow on that kid.

[–]thavi 10 points11 points ago

So that's what happened to his parents... His mom hemorrhaged out during labor due to the size and shape of his head, and his dad blamed Arnold and couldn't raise him.

[–]cggirl 44 points45 points ago

in all honesty i dont imagine arnold with helga for some strange reason

[–]BrendanJB 77 points78 points ago

Nice try, Ruth.

[–]Pimpinonice 3 points4 points ago

Isn't that Ruth in the picture? Why is she there?

[–]BrendanJB 10 points11 points ago

Nah man, that's Phoebe; Helga's best friend.

[–]Sandinister 2 points3 points ago

And the doctor is Maria, the 6th grade girl Arnold had a date with in the episode "6th Grade Girls".

[–]saintlawrence 18 points19 points ago

DAT RUTH

[–]EagleBurn 5 points6 points ago

for some strange reason

Maybe because he was obviously not interested in her on the show?

[–]AcesCharles2 5 points6 points ago

Valentine's Day episode

[–]M002 7 points8 points ago

For those that haven't seen this amazing live action trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkGaza1rPfQ

[–]mintygood 5 points6 points ago

Plot twist: Arnold is sleeping with Phoebe on the side.

[–]speed_demonv2 11 points12 points ago

Ugh, Helga. That name is such a boner killer.

[–]twoworldsin1 4 points5 points ago

Her sister Olga was hot as fuck, though.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

It is for most. If you glance over at Arnold's crotch, you will see a howling banshee trying to break free from it's woven shackles.

[–]mightaswellaskthis 1 point2 points ago

Including this one.

[–]mydogisdumb 1 point2 points ago

so is the fucking unibrow

[–]truffle_oil 5 points6 points ago

Helga kinda reminded me of Zelda in Skyward Sword there.

[–]That_Random_Yoyo_Guy 5 points6 points ago

Right in the childhood.

[–]aydonmill 6 points7 points ago

Still hasn't shaved that unibrow...

[–]NorwegianPearl 4 points5 points ago

It's a known fact that Arnold's parents weren't explorers that died, but rather that's what his grandparents tell him. In reality Arnold ripped forth from the womb, klingon his mom in birth. Arnold's dad was so grief stricken that he offed himself.

[–]PicardBaneTerriers 1 point2 points ago

klingon his mom in birth? Not sure if Qapla...

[–]vinnytt 1 point2 points ago

Source?

Also, when did Star Trek become a part of Hey Arnold?

[–]NorwegianPearl 2 points3 points ago

Haha I realized almost immediately after that my phone corrected to that but I thought it was so funny that I'd just leave it.

[–]iamstephen 2 points3 points ago

TIL Stewie is Arnold's illegitimate child.

[–]thed0ctah 3 points4 points ago

Did Gerald get a sex change?

[–]Ivess 1 point2 points ago

That just might explain Arnold's boner

[–]mattieo123 3 points4 points ago

Not gona lie it kind of looks like that pheobe is helga's bitch still.

[–]TXrichard 3 points4 points ago

MARIA, GET OVER HERE!

[–]Kilagria 2 points3 points ago

Unfortunately Helga was unable to birth this adorable baby without giving her life to do so. Arnold slowly degraded into a state of manic depression that no amount of drugs or therapy could cure, becoming an extreme recluse. His icy cold stare would linger over the child that had brought him all this pain, until one day he snapped.

Within hours the police had arrived after getting a call from Arnold's neighbors, and to their disgust they had found Arnold's body laying across the floor in a pool of blood, gun in hand. To their untrained eyes it looked like an everyday suicide, but that wasn't the case this time.

The small child was taken to a foster home to be given time to lick his wounds, and find a new family. Many families came, but they all left within minutes. Several weeks had passed without a single family coming in, until one day.

To everyones surprise, the family accepted this poor lonely child, and he walked away with his new family showing a smirk that had never been witnessed before. "Most excellent...", said Stewie, making sure the same gun he had killed his father with and stolen back from the cops was hidden away in his clothing.

[–]hummusisyummus 2 points3 points ago

That's not a boner, right?

[–]TehHillsider 2 points3 points ago

Move it football head!

[–]titsffs 2 points3 points ago

Well, from a birds eye perspective, Arnold's head looks like a vagina so.... should be OK.

[–]PhasicErection 2 points3 points ago

Damn... I dunno 'bout ya'll but I'm down to tap adult Helga. Childhood weird boner crushes.

[–]pepper_head 2 points3 points ago

Rotate him 90 degrees and he'll pop right out.

[–]IAmDrPoop 2 points3 points ago

Anyone else think that was her butt, not her stomach?

[–]DiaDeLosMuertos 2 points3 points ago

The way Phoebe's standing near Arnold... is there something going on there??

[–]Chewbacca69 2 points3 points ago

So that's where Stewie came from...

[–]radiohoard 3 points4 points ago

Hey, Boner!

[–]tonythelovemonster 3 points4 points ago

The shear fear in helgas eyes

[–]Remikov 6 points7 points ago

sheer

fixed it for you man

[–]tonythelovemonster 1 point2 points ago

Gee thanks man :)

[–]Youko1776 3 points4 points ago

Ouch..ಠ_ಠ

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Ultimate troll, didn't love her - this is just the elaborate revenge.

[–]DanFlyhight 1 point2 points ago

Ouch my childhood

[–]Guju_Bot 1 point2 points ago

Is it me or is Arnold sporting half-wood?

[–]hammerpatrol 1 point2 points ago

Just a little chub.

[–]macabea 1 point2 points ago

Would be perfect if Pheobe was the doctor.

[–]hey-arnold 1 point2 points ago

You rang motherfuckers!

[–]oli-wan_kenobi 1 point2 points ago

Maybe that's why Arnold's mother wasn't around anymore.

[–]Dyltra 2 points3 points ago

Does Arnold have a boner?

[–]Alind18224 2 points3 points ago

...why does Arnold have a boner?

[–]bone-storm 2 points3 points ago

It is just me, or is Arnold rocking a half chub?

[–]erik718 1 point2 points ago

I was expecting the baby to look like Gerald

[–]Missharlett 2 points3 points ago

Why does he have a boner?

[–]dontforgetit 1 point2 points ago

Ah... this show was a good one.

[–]THUGLIFEGANGSTER1998 1 point2 points ago

The doctor is that older girl Arnold took to the sixth grade dance in "6th Grade Girls". Her name is Maria.

[–]twoworldsin1 1 point2 points ago

This thread will end in Hey Arnold fanfiction. I predict it.

[–]DilfyMac 1 point2 points ago

This hurts me

[–]LostRenaissance 0 points1 point ago

am i the only one who thinks thats stewie in there...?

[–]Black_Apalachi 1 point2 points ago

You almost made Helga look hot. ALMOST.