this post was submitted on
1,674 points (55% like it)
8,466 up votes 6,792 down votes

funny

subscribe2,720,495 readers

8,976 users here now


Results of the facebook poll


Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!


NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 83 comments

[–]PhiladelphiaIrish 126 points127 points ago

Get well from group.

[–]aceuser 40 points41 points ago

We like having sex with you.

[–]gid13 20 points21 points ago

Or at least we did until that unfortunate Syphilis flare-up.

[–]SRS270 8 points9 points ago

Doesn't matter, had sex.

[–]daigz 2 points3 points ago

With you.

[–]IamAmyzing -2 points-1 points ago

Upvote for Lonely island!

[–]xAntimonyx 5 points6 points ago

The legitimacy of that intrigues me. I'd hate to be the person receiving that who isn't important enough to get individual cards. Lol

[–]gonnaflynow 0 points1 point ago

...so get well soon so we can continue the fun!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]SuperSlayin 49 points50 points ago

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

[–]i-make-robots 35 points36 points ago

What does it say inside? "...almost as much as I do with your mom"?

[–]kharmakazy 49 points50 points ago

But not as much as sex without you.

[–]Cruel_Obsession 4 points5 points ago

hmm, that's actually surprisingly romantic

[–]ENKC 16 points17 points ago

...how?

[–]Cruel_Obsession 9 points10 points ago

wait......I totally read that wrong.

Thought kharmakazy said: but it's not as good without you.

[–]keepslosingpassword 13 points14 points ago

"sorry about your butt."

[–]molly649 57 points58 points ago

Send them to random people, sit back & let the good times roll.

[–]FarmerTedd 16 points17 points ago

How would that work?

Unless you give a return address, you might as well send random people a $5 bill.

[–]Neogodfather 12 points13 points ago

If the recipient has a SO.

[–]FarmerTedd 12 points13 points ago

Actually, that would work. Send your buddy, who has an SO, this card and then sit back & watch the good times roll.

[–]Brruceling 8 points9 points ago

I like watching you have sex.

[–]jsmayne 9 points10 points ago

[–]FarmerTedd 3 points4 points ago

[–]crayola_ferrari 22 points23 points ago

this card gets 10/10 for honesty

[–]DasGanon 2 points3 points ago

[–]mandyperki 12 points13 points ago

I enjoyed the sentiment to send this as a text to my boyfriend, but my phone thought it looked more like a question and put a ? instead of a . So he got "I like having sex with you?" Punctuation can add a whole new world of meaning.

[–]stillnotking 2 points3 points ago

"...If that was you a few minutes ago."

[–]KallistiEngel 0 points1 point ago

I'm Ron Burgundy?

[–]jenwen 12 points13 points ago

WHERE CAN I BUY THIS?

[–]cabracita 6 points7 points ago

is there a lowered expectation equivalent?

[–]gigastazio 21 points22 points ago

"I guess I'm glad I settled for you."

[–]200balloons 16 points17 points ago

"Thanks for lying still while I thrust inside you. It may not be magic, but friction will do."

[–]load_more_comets 9 points10 points ago

I'm sure my right hand will be so happy to receive this.

[–]lurxxor 7 points8 points ago

"... Sincerely, your daughter."

[–]CLITASAURUS-REX 9 points10 points ago

What section was that under?

[–]LaughKookaburra 13 points14 points ago

"Hello Kitty"

[–]trexcantfap 5 points6 points ago

I would also like to know.

[–]Insanatey 3 points4 points ago

"Get Better Soon"

[–]RoxiSmith33 1 point2 points ago

Sympathy Cards

[–]simpletonsavant 2 points3 points ago

Once again the mall has become my waterloo...

[–]druman55 0 points1 point ago

Whoa, I forgot about ASOB. I had such a good time at their concerts in highschool.

[–]repeater09 1 point2 points ago

I saw this same card at Gunter Air Force Base Shoppette...couldnt stop laughing

[–]AnAngryPirate 1 point2 points ago

Where can I find one of these?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]kharmakazy -1 points0 points ago

Post pic of hand as proof. Also... smash a tomato with it.. yeah. That'll prove it.

[–]danceswithzebracakes 1 point2 points ago

Where was this?

I need one, or two, or like thirty-three. Bad.

[–]Tympire 1 point2 points ago

For every occasion.

[–]Razer1103 1 point2 points ago

I showed this to my friend who is gay, (I know this is the kind of card he would want to give away) but there was a small problem.

So I made a gay version.

Edit: And this for good measure. :)

[–]Whybanme 0 points1 point ago

Uncle Touchy? Uncle Touchy is that you with the card you sent me for my birthday last year?

[–]kesnoz 0 points1 point ago

I hope this card is available in most stores. It seems appropriate for my upcoming anniversary.

[–]dbcification 0 points1 point ago

Is it weird that my mind went to the hands immediately? I was sure there would be a comment about them.

[–]abasss 0 points1 point ago

Unless it has a subtle off-white coloring, with tasteful thinckness and a watermark, is not perfect.

[–]MushyBean 0 points1 point ago

I must know what's inside the card

[–]sindekit 0 points1 point ago

Change it to "I'd like to be having sex with you" and then hand them out to every hot girl you see.

[–]xKovu 0 points1 point ago

Imagine being in a rush and not reading the cards, and you accidentally send this to your gran-ma-ma <--(Make sure you say it like Irwin from Billy and Mandy)

[–]feor1300 0 points1 point ago

"If you could say it like Hallmark..."

[–]galaxydefender09 0 points1 point ago

does the inside say, "but sorry i don't love you" ?

[–]aprillovesshowers 0 points1 point ago

...so to continue doing so you should take this rx for the next 7 days.

[–]DiaDeLosMuertos 0 points1 point ago

Aw, that's so sweet, so cute.

[–]starjharvey 0 points1 point ago

Awww...that's the sweetest card I've ever seen.

[–]handenthusiast 0 points1 point ago

Cool card, but I'm just here to say, I love your nails, where do you have them done?

[–]duvakiin 0 points1 point ago

dammit. i saw this just the other day. if only i had known i could get karma from it.

[–]infinitecharge 0 points1 point ago

I want to be on you

[–]Oni_Kami 0 points1 point ago

I misread the title as, "The Perfect Child" so needless to say I was in for quite a surprise...

[–]arthurlockman 0 points1 point ago

The inside of this card, for anyone who wants it: http://i.rthr.me/UGkB

[–]Softice4 0 points1 point ago

Still better love story than twilight.

[–]lastdonutofthe 0 points1 point ago

Very classy Hallmark

[–]sw33te314 0 points1 point ago

Brilliant...but repost.

[–]anthrocide 1 point2 points ago

New to me, my recommendation-use less internet

[–]le1ca 0 points1 point ago

My girlfriend's birthday is next week. I need this card.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]so_carelessly_here -1 points0 points ago

Well, you fucked that up even quicker.

[–]jaredmanning -1 points0 points ago

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title comnts points age /r/
How subtly classy of you Hallmark 68coms 1313pts 2mos funny

source: karmadecay

[–]dhcrazy333 -1 points0 points ago

Definitely written (quite nicely) with a ball point or gel pen.

[–]antimapple -1 points0 points ago

to my left hand......

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]heymrk 9 points10 points ago

Welcome to Reddit, where everything is a repost and the karma doesn't matter.

[–]detroitluv -2 points-1 points ago

I have a FWB that would probably not take a card like this well. I could picture it now... the first words out of her mouth would be "Oh, so all you care about is the sex?"

[–]babies_are_delicious 2 points3 points ago

Then she obviously doesn't understand what a friend with benefits is...

[–]needanewdrug -2 points-1 points ago

My SO cried because the people in the picture were thin.

[–]so_carelessly_here 1 point2 points ago

wut.