this post was submitted on
562 points (63% like it)
1,307 up votes 745 down votes

funny

subscribe2,234,931 readers

No posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Example.


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • Screenshots of comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 65 comments

[–]ebenhaim 82 points83 points ago

Wearing a man-thong is a necessity.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

for real... i was like "clearly he's just mad, 'cos she gave him a righteous wedgie"

[–]themolestedsliver 1 point2 points ago

we need different advice for fashion........

[–]heebeejeebies 55 points56 points ago

All I can hear is Bobby Hill saying, "I don't know you."

[–]SplodeyDope 27 points28 points ago

That's mah purse!

[–]heymrk 5 points6 points ago

I wanted to badly to post this without someone else mentioning it. Such is Reddit.

[–]SplodeyDope 0 points1 point ago

Mah bad brah. :(

[–]aKiDnamedMowgli 15 points16 points ago

Step 1: Cunt punt Step 2: nipple blisters

[–]redwings4life33 84 points85 points ago

Ah yes, the old cunt-punt to titty-twister.

[–]CaptnFalcon 26 points27 points ago

An old family favorite!

[–]TotyW 51 points52 points ago

I don't think I want to live in your family ಠ_ಠ

[–]i-dislike-cats 6 points7 points ago

I'm calling the wedding off...

[–]Greymor 2 points3 points ago

Quite so, quite so.

[–]LeahLynne 10 points11 points ago

Hahaha yeah, man I love the thong banana hammock. I wouldn't even put up a fight.

[–]Mr_Mimiseku 7 points8 points ago

THAT'S MY PURSE, I DON'T KNOW YOU.

[–]scruffy01 14 points15 points ago

Can I just do the second part? That sounds kind of nice.

[–]PhiladelphiaIrish 37 points38 points ago

If I tried this on my ex I'd get my foot stuck.

[–]sargent610 10 points11 points ago

[–]kabatta 0 points1 point ago

It's not her fault that you have baby limbs and extremities.

[–]noob31 9 points10 points ago

but what do i do if i wear pants?

[–]Yaeks[S] 13 points14 points ago

I suggest tear-away track pants, or loose fitting slacks.

[–]chalklady0 44 points45 points ago

Only works on virgins. Try this on a mother of three, she's gona show you a few new tricks.

[–]avoidingmykids 17 points18 points ago

Yeah, neither of those would phase me at this point.

[–]chalklady0 14 points15 points ago

If they really want to hurt us, they will have to leave the milk out of the fridge! Oooofh!

[–]NextTimeonDBZ 2 points3 points ago

My god your name works too well.

[–]chalklady0 0 points1 point ago

Avoiding or chalk?

[–]NextTimeonDBZ 1 point2 points ago

mostly avoiding, something about imaging my mother avoiding me is funny in a way.

[–]chalklady0 0 points1 point ago

If you only have too imagine your mom avoiding you, you must be a pretty nice kid.

[–]Three_Headed_Monkey -1 points0 points ago

For one thing your foot would get stuck.

[–]chalklady0 2 points3 points ago

Google Kegel exercises. You are mistaken.

[–]Slagathordan 7 points8 points ago

"so Carl, what do you do for a living?" "oh, you know. I draw pictures of men in thongs kicking women in the vagina. That sort of thing." "oh, good! well, it was nice talking to you, Carl."

[–]BitterVenkata 5 points6 points ago

Why the hell is he in a thong? And more importantly... Why aren't I?

[–]chalklady0 0 points1 point ago

Pics or...

[–]SuddenlyTimewarp 11 points12 points ago

There's a pretty impressive amount of WTF in that image there. Not sure if I'm more offended by the violent/sexual imagery of the methods, or the poor efficiency.

[–]MagentaVitus -1 points0 points ago

I'm sorry. But is it rude to say I love your username? I mean really... Unless you have no idea where my name is from, then I will kindly show myself out.

[–]Carbear9769 1 point2 points ago

Is Riff Raff around?

[–]MagentaVitus 0 points1 point ago

If he is, I haven't found him.

[–]ilawlfase 7 points8 points ago

Yeah...I've never had kids or anything...but that's just the fastest way to an ass kicking with me. The best bet is cunt punt and take off running. Because it only lasts a second before the rage comes out.

[–]chalklady0 5 points6 points ago

Cunt punt rage! I have a new favorite curse. Thank you!

[–]ilawlfase 2 points3 points ago

You're quite welcome lol

[–]chalklady0 2 points3 points ago

.>o<....#~$##&@###!!!! Can't wait to see the look on the next person who leaves the milk out!

[–]melikeyshootey 3 points4 points ago

But what if the woman is flat?

[–]beastoftheeast 3 points4 points ago

this man is a philosopher

[–]butters106 0 points1 point ago

I'm under the impression the flatter the breasts are, the more sensitive the breasts are.

[–]tehmeat 1 point2 points ago

Also, ensure you're wearing the proper fighting gear, namely a banana hammock and jack shit else. Absolutely vital.

[–]Jtcor 4 points5 points ago

how to disable a man Kick in groin again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again

[–]demalition90 3 points4 points ago

ow... don't do that... be humane!!

how to disable a man boobs

[–]Sanjuro18 2 points3 points ago

"How To Disable a Man", however, simply stops after step 1.

[–]karma_meh_karma 3 points4 points ago

Or you could just punch her straight in the nose, like anyone else. It causes eyes to water and possibly rupture capularies in the eye and as a plus blood flows into the mouth. The main drawback is the impending lawsuit. It sounds vicious, but if you have ever been jumped, it could help.

[–]NextName 0 points1 point ago

A commonly recommended procedure is to actually punch them below the nose, right above the lip. Or you can just punch them in the bridge of their nose.

[–]im_too_literal 4 points5 points ago

I think /r/beatingwomen is leaking...

[–]Ithinkthatsagiraffe 0 points1 point ago

Oh god pain

[–]CertifiableX 0 points1 point ago

hmmmm...

[–]drop0ut 0 points1 point ago

I've not once had to do that while wearing a banana hammock.

[–]R2Lowber 0 points1 point ago

Dem tits.

[–]granty238 0 points1 point ago

smashing women usually leads to them never going THE FUCK AWAY

[–]shallypally 0 points1 point ago

Id just twist her nipples torpedo style :)

[–]DocileNinja 0 points1 point ago

C-C-C-Combo-Breaker

[–]colcole 0 points1 point ago

Did anyone else hear a little Robert Downey Jr./Sherlock Holmes voice in their head when they rea that.

[–]CertifiableX 0 points1 point ago

How to disable a man: show him breasts... hence the rise of titty clubs: a feminist plot ;-)

[–]X3DinoRawrzzX3 0 points1 point ago

Then I bite the guy's arm so hard it bleeds, then I chop off his balls, cause if a guy ever did that to me...I'd be PISSED.

[–]septimus379 -1 points0 points ago

[–]bubblegumorangutang -2 points-1 points ago

tis a re-post

[–]lederps -1 points0 points ago

The lady's face is hilarious, especially the second picture

[–]DMC_Hotness -5 points-4 points ago

They wanted equality...