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all 140 comments

[–]richard_photograph 99 points100 points ago

driving at night,stoned..every car is a fucking cop man...every.damn.car.

[–]dahulkinator 58 points59 points ago

that logic is why I never get caught or pulled over, a bit of paranoia never hurts

[–]iGrind619 12 points13 points ago

what goes through my head while driving high- "Ok, speed is good, not swerving at all, nice... Oh god what if one of my taillights is out? I'm getting pulled over for sure".

[–]four13dream 0 points1 point ago

this happened to me recently! A friend and I were barely halfway through a J when the chip lights started flashing..

I'm on the highway and because I was going the speed limit and not serving at all, I figured maybe it wasn't me and he was just going to pass. After a few seconds, which felt like eternity when you're high and scared, I realize he is trying to pull me over, so I comply.

My friend puts it the J, and immediately rolls down the window to apr the car out, I tell at him, warning he better not throw it out the window.. We're stopped now, just waiting. Considering it was late sporting, the night was abnormally cold and I started shivering. Part of me thought I was just that scared and tried to calm down, but part if me knew it was just groom the cold.. bit still tried to calm down because I figured the cop would think it was too strange to be THAT cold..

I see him start walking up to my window, alone, in my head I'm sure he'll know, be able to smell it, and tell my friend if he ask, we'll just tell the truth and he'll go easy on us - I've gotten lucky once before.

” Where you boys headed?”

” Home...”, my friend blurts out while I tell the truth, ” just driving around.” We hp through the license and registration bit, then asks if my record is clean. ” Maybe a speeding ticket or two over the years, but everything had been taking care of..” I say nervously.

He walls back to his car, I remind my friend to just stay quiet and let me go the talking. He's only 18 and has NEVER been in a situation like this before so I'm trying to stay as calm and collected as possible for his sake, but the high is setting in strong. I'm secretly trying to memorize the most important phone #'s should we get arrested.

The cop comes back, I'm ready to take responsibility. ” You've got a break light out. This is a summons, but if you get it fixed within 24 hours you can take this to any precinct to have an officer verify it, just mail it in and it'll get dropped.”

Thank you officer! Have a good night! I was so overjoyed but I knew how lucky we were. As soon as he let us go, I got my ass off the highway and went back home.

[–]richard_photograph 13 points14 points ago

you and me both friend.been hassled a few times and told to dump weed once or twice but, never been charged with any type of drug offense thanks to my paranoia.

[–]Highdrophiliac 14 points15 points ago

This is me. I try not to drive high, but sometimes I feel it a bit and I get all paranoid. Another way to tell if it is a cop btw

[–]KryptKat 8 points9 points ago

Newer taxis have them too, but I still treat every set of those lights like a cop.

[–]DeltaMuffin 5 points6 points ago

hmmm. I never noticed those. thanks!

[–]CaptainBallsySalt 5 points6 points ago

Yeap. Haven't found those yellow lights on any other car. this has probably saved me from multiple tickets whilst driving completely sober.

[–]zZGz 4 points5 points ago

It's not paranoia when they are after you.

[–]Desolator001 0 points1 point ago

Cats can call the mice paranoid when the dogs aren't around.

[–]omgnestor 2 points3 points ago

exactly! weed makes you more cautious not the stereotypical motor functionless stoner!

[–]Aplabos 11 points12 points ago

However drive during the day, stoned, and ANY OF THESE FUCKING CARS COULD BE A TRANSFORMER. ANY.DAMN.CAR.

[–]HIDE_YO_KUSH 3 points4 points ago

AMEN.

[–]Rrammstein 7 points8 points ago

like evil animal eyes in the dark

[–]worldent16 36 points37 points ago

thats confusing

[–]17bicycles 8 points9 points ago

it's much more helpful to spend some money on a radar detector

[–]xstaticxgpx 6 points7 points ago

virginia is for lovers! just don't love radar detectors or else you're a criminal here.

[–]17bicycles 3 points4 points ago

yeah it's illegal in some states, but it's legal here in New Jersey!

[–]FroCyteL617 1 point2 points ago

Are you a criminal if you pump your own gas into your car

[–]rermdermyer 2 points3 points ago

get a good police scanner app for your smart phone and run it through your car stereo.

[–]ClockworkYellow 1 point2 points ago

You're only a criminal here if you get caught! I guess that goes for more than one thing...

[–]wasdy1 -5 points-4 points ago

yeah, a shitty low res black and white pic of headlights...that are not even cropped properly...the fucking caprice one is the worst...

Huge help considering the only time this would be helpful is at night, when the lights are on and look nothing like this shit.

[–]worldent16 9 points10 points ago

Yea buddy! you got the idea

[–]SeanPagne 0 points1 point ago

actually i guessed the Caprice headlights before reading it, they're pretty accurate.

[–]mechanicalsam 0 points1 point ago

Well in the daytime you don't need the lights to tell its a cop because you can see the rest of the car. . . . So uhhh. . . Yea this is helpfully at night. . . Like. . . The . . Ugh . . . The . . . Uhhh . . . The author intended.

[–]pirate_ 16 points17 points ago

Are you supposed to memorize each of these and then be able to distinguish them from the many other types of headlights? I think being able to recognize headlights consistently in the dark is a simple matter of experience; memorizing charts like this isn't going to help much.

[–]dahulkinator 7 points8 points ago

I just go on instinct. Cops tend to smell like bacon, that helps.
mmmmmmmmm bacon

[–]McBEAST 9 points10 points ago

Once, I got the munchies so bad, I ate a cop.

[–]SeanPagne 2 points3 points ago

i've always thought they'd smell like donuts....

edit: bacon flavored donuts maybe?

[–]CmdrCarrot[S] 9 points10 points ago

It's not about memorization, look at the title; road trips. In my city, all the cop cars are Impalas, so I can distinguish those. But when I am going through several states, it's nice to have an idea of what to look out for. Just from personal experience, the Charger one was useful when I drove through GA, because that was the first time I had seen them used as patrol cars.

This is most useful for when you are going to a completely different area where you might not be used to what kind of cars are patrol cars. Most people will know the cops in their local area, so you would be right then.

[–]daveden123 0 points1 point ago

Yes in the south the new chargers are to kings of police vehicles. Another way to is to try and post any extra antennas or wires on the vehicle.

[–]bubblerboy18 0 points1 point ago

Well this isnt as good as the other one I saw. At least point out where the yellow parking lights are they make it a little easier to remember

[–]98erics 0 points1 point ago

ive got them memorized b/c i live in a small town that is also a speed trap and you have a good point, im 28 and it has taken 20 years for my eye to be as good at noticing what cop headlamps look like.

[–]Pro19 11 points12 points ago

Also remember, fog lights mean it is NOT the fuzz.

Also, bottom one is wrong. Won't see caprice these days anyway though.

[–]killapimp 8 points9 points ago

Also, Cop cars have HUGE alternators to run all the electronics and lights, so cop headlights are brighter then an average cars lights. (most of the time) and cops don't have HID/xenon headlights.

[–]cyberslick188 2 points3 points ago

To be pedantic: they ahve huge batteries and equally huge alternators to keep said huge batteries fully juiced.

[–]killapimp 2 points3 points ago

True, True. Most people don't understand/care how a cars electrical system works. I used to drag race a couple of years ago, and my dragster didn't have an alternator, just a big/nice deep cycle battery. I had my alt. go out on my daily driver 40 miles from home, and pulled the battery out of my race car, and drove home at night, with the headlights on, with no problem, they didn't even dim.

[–]Brainsaws 2 points3 points ago

To add to that, cops never use HID head lights; as in the different color beams(usually blue, also green, yellow, and purple). Also, if the headlamps are yellowed or excessively dim, it's most likely not a cop; cops tend to keep they're vehicles nice and clean.

[–]Bob_Munden 0 points1 point ago

You know it is possible to get HID's that are white or yellow... HID doesn't mean they are colored, it's just a high intensity light bulb.

[–]CmdrCarrot[S] 0 points1 point ago

True about the Caprice, idk what those lights are, but then again I didn't make this. No city/county/state I've been through in awhile has had them in service in awhile.

Edit: though the fog lights thing mean nothing. I've seen those on cops in NC.

[–]bnsncrnbrd 2 points3 points ago

The caprice is real. I haven't seen any civilian ones yet, but I do know the police force of Sandy Springs, GA have switched a majority of their cars over to caprices. It sucks because I have gotten pretty good at reading crown vic and charger headlight patterns

[–]savageotter 0 points1 point ago

sandy springs in ga bought 200 of them. I got pulled over by one recently the cop was cool and showed me all around. they are fast!

[–]Pravus_Obzen 1 point2 points ago

There is a new caprice. Houston Police already have a few. chevy brought back the caprice to compete with the new ford interceptor. They dont make the ford crown vic anymore so they made a new car solely for police use that is based off the Tuarus. They are slowly fazing the crown vics out here in Houston over the next few years! I think this is a pretty good line up of cop cars we Americans will be seeing... New Cop Cars!

[–]OhighO_ 9 points10 points ago

If you just drive safe, you don't have to worry about cops. i hope that made sense & not douchey. [5]

[–]Highdrophiliac 4 points5 points ago

One way to tell if it is a cop

Edit: Mainly applies to crown vics, at night.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

[–]dzbreezy 1 point2 points ago

i lol'd

[–]tweezyb 3 points4 points ago

Came here to say this. If you can memorize those orange spotty inside lights, you are set. That's what 90%+ of all cops drive. And they're so easy to spot.

Smoking in your vehicle, or doing anything too bad at night is pretty amateurish anyway though. Be safe.

[–]CmdrCarrot[S] 2 points3 points ago

That's not true for all cop cars. If you've done a lot of driving all over the US (especially in the more rural parts), you would know patrol cars come in all different shapes and configurations.

I've been in a county in CO where the sheriff's department drove around in 4wd Chevy work vans. And I have seen about a dozen different variations of lights on crown vics.

Hell, in my home town alone, before they switched to impalas, there was three different sets of crown vics with different lights on each one. It mostly depended on when they where bought. All the impalas are the same because they where phased in so fast.

[–]Highdrophiliac 1 point2 points ago

True, I guess it mainly applies to crown vics. Which seem to be popular where I live. If its not a crown vic its a charger.

[–]CmdrCarrot[S] -2 points-1 points ago

Hell, in my home town alone, before they switched to impalas, there was three different sets of crown vics with different lights on each one. It mostly depended on when they where bought. All the impalas are the same because they where phased in so fast.

Also, that picture is true for none of them.

[–]Arch_0 23 points24 points ago

Don't drive stoned. Problem solved.

[–]huxtiblejones 3 points4 points ago

And what about people with debilitating medical issues? I have Crohn's disease and smoke to keep my guts feeling regular. Am I just supposed to never drive? I'd also say that you don't need to be stoned to be worried, if you're bringing home a bit it's also pretty nerve wracking.

[–]Genocidicbunny 2 points3 points ago

So you use marijuana as medicine. Tell me this: if you were taking pills for some condition that made you drowsy or disoriented you or made you sluggish, would you be driving?

Just because you have a medical issue doesn't mean you get to endanger others on the road. Its not fair, I know, but its even less fair to the people around you if you go driving stoned.

[–]huxtiblejones 0 points1 point ago

I don't get 'drowsy' or 'disoriented' or 'sluggish' when I smoke, you have to understand that a person's tolerance is a big factor here. If you smoke daily it's not really a huge issue, in fact 99% of the time people don't realize I've smoked. It's not like I'm ripping gas mask bong hits until my eyes cross and then driving. That's why I find it's not really useful when people complain about smoking and driving, if you feel you're unfit to drive in any condition you shouldn't drive. Smoking a bit of weed is not necessarily a disqualifier though, some people would be unable to drive a car if they drank 5 cups of coffee while others wouldn't bat an eyelash.

[–]mechanicalsam -1 points0 points ago

Spot on, spot on.

[–]Arch_0 0 points1 point ago

I'm sorry about that but like a lot of medicine this one should come with a warning saying not to operate heavy machinery.

[–]Drgrthumb 2 points3 points ago

i used to have a buddy who could tell the make and model of any car at night with 100% accuracy. best night buy/cruise buddy in the world lol. however i think by the time most people can see the lights as clearly as in the picture its a little bit to late haha

[–]truthie 6 points7 points ago

How about not driving impaired?

[–]thelizardkin 11 points12 points ago

Or you could not break the law when driving that's always a thought a cop won't just pull you over for no reason

[–]CmdrCarrot[S] 5 points6 points ago

You are in a subreddit about an illegal substance and you are telling people to not break the law. That is almost ironic.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

IMO there is a big difference between the use of said subtance under safe circumstances and the use of said substance whilst operating a vehicle. Don't know why thelizardkin is getting downvoted. EDIT: Nothing to do with breaking the law, perhaps 'common sense' is what we are talking about.

[–]DeltaMuffin 0 points1 point ago

yea. poor guy was just a victim of reddit's love for proper wording. for example. "Or you could not break the law when driving" = DOWNVOTE HIM vs "Or you could just follow the rules so as not to attract their attention"

[–]xchino 0 points1 point ago

Possession is a crime, you don't have to be using it or under the influence to go to jail for it.

[–]DeltaMuffin -1 points0 points ago

its about stealth. Worry more about appearing innocent while behind the wheel high or not

[–]DeltaMuffin 9 points10 points ago

no hes telling people to break one law at a time. he's not being rude he's just advising avoiding a bad situation in a blunt way

[–]mysteriorockanova 3 points4 points ago

Remember, follow traffic laws while holding, that way you won't get pulled over!

"SHUT UP, DICK, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO"

[–]s0upy 0 points1 point ago

To add to what thelizardkin said, evasive action from law enforcement isn't the safe option. Driving under the influence of any substance puts not only yourself, but others in danger. Using any substance (generally) only puts yourself in danger, and that is a personal sacrifice the user makes.

For OP, advocating evasive action from law enforcement, in my opinion, is the wrong way to go about legalisation, which of course is a common goal in this subreddit. Get your priorities straight, OP. No one would have to know what headlights of police cars look like in your country if cannabis were legal, to avoid possession charges.

[–]CmdrCarrot[S] -1 points0 points ago

evasive action from law enforcement, in my opinion, is the wrong way to go about legalisation.

To add to what you said, anytime you would have pot in your possession is an evasive action from the law (possession is a lie of omission, unless you buy pot then tell cops you have drugs). Following your logic, in your opinion, you shouldn't even have pot if it is illegal because it is detrimental to the the legalization process.

Except if no one had weed, no one would be using it, and then no one would be trying to get it legalized here. Do you see the paradox in your own statement?

[–]ModnaRMC 1 point2 points ago

dafuq am I supposed to remember that!?

[–]iridescENTgreen 1 point2 points ago

Thinking about making this into a sticker and putting it on my rear view mirror

[–]vegetablesurprise 1 point2 points ago

This is a good chart, but those lights all look kind of similar to all of the other cars in the world that have ever been made.

[–]leftovers432 1 point2 points ago

Just try to spot the rectangular headlights. Honestly, when I'm driving at night I think all headlights are cops and try to drive as if there is one behind me even if there isn't one.

[–]BiscuitsMcGhee 1 point2 points ago

My Dad used to play the "what kind of car is that behind us?" game. Became very useful later in life. Actually, I should probably ask him his motives for teaching us that.

[–]eamantite 1 point2 points ago

squints eyes now is that a Caprice? or a Tahoe? ...Lemme get out my sheet CRASSSHHHHHHHHHHHH

[–]SubtlePineapple 1 point2 points ago

The key to Crown Vic's is that the turn signal lights are on the inside, rather than outside of the main lights.

[–]meg4pico 1 point2 points ago

[–]noveltydraw 1 point2 points ago

How about this: Don't drive when you're high you irresponsible prick.

[–]DeltaMuffin 2 points3 points ago

names :(

[–]angertrain 1 point2 points ago

Er, what if they just have pot in the vehicle?

[–]DeltaMuffin 0 points1 point ago

thats how i see it

[–]noveltydraw 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, that's cool. Judging from the comments it doesn't seem like that's the only thing though.

[–]sogwennn 0 points1 point ago

Awesome :D

[–]Xenochrist 0 points1 point ago

We have charger cops in our town. Not only is the Charger a really popular car, but it also tends to look a good bit like an accord and a malibu...

Trips me out, even at [0]

[–]turntables21 0 points1 point ago

because only cops drive these cars right?

[–]bsm789 0 points1 point ago

gotta look for those inside blinkers. also, one of my frients has a repurposed cop car he bought at a police auction. literally never gets pulled over, though i'm sure we freak the fuck out of some people haha

[–]snumfalzumpa 0 points1 point ago

It's much easier to judge a cop car at night by the running/parking lights, not the headlights... for example crown vics always have the faux led type running lights that are super easy to spot... chargers and impalas have the small circle running light, etc. idk, it's hard to explain because i'm not sure what the technical term is for those little oranges lights next to the headlights, but i can always spot a cop from a mile away because of those...

crown vic

impala(notice the small orange dots)

[–]jvaughn24 0 points1 point ago

the crown vic has amber lights on the inside (next to the grille) thats how I always spot them.

[–]LieutenantTickles 0 points1 point ago

Caprice cop cars don't exist anymore....

[–]Hayes92 0 points1 point ago

funny thing is I already have this implanted into my brain. I can spot cop cars from very far away, my dad is also a cop though so ive been around it more than most people

[–]lightthestage 0 points1 point ago

Don't Know if it's been said but Ford has the interceptor now. It's a souped up Taurus (same front and headlights usually).Incidentally (worked campus security when I was in undergrad and they got them on the cheap before they were pursuit certified) those and the explorer cop cars ride real nice.

[–]VbolieuV 0 points1 point ago

Those fucking Chargers! Where I'm from all the cop cars are Crown Vic but since a couple of years the police patrolling highways and towns that don't have local police use Chargers. So now every time I see Chargers headlights I think it's the cops...

[–]Legaben 0 points1 point ago

Won't be sure to help I saw an undercover cop arrest someone in a mustang the other day, was pretty suprising.

[–]CaptainBallsySalt 0 points1 point ago

But, you don't have the yellow LED lights that these cars have. I know the crown vic has them distinctly on the inside of the headlights unlike most cars.

[–]superscurry 0 points1 point ago

I saw this post earlier, but I must say it helped me out greatly last night. I was driving home around midnight and I was the only one on the road until out of nowhere I had headlights right behind me. Luckily is remembered seeing this and quickly identified it as a crown Vic. Possibly saved me a ticket and a possible run in with a cop at a [7]. Thanks reddit!!

[–]cornbot 0 points1 point ago

Holy shit now I just need to watch out for white rectangles at night.

[–]345triangle 0 points1 point ago

Fuckin' Impala lights are the easiest to realize you're being followed by a pig. Can't unsee that devilish look of them

[–]ireallywantanOGname 0 points1 point ago

am i the only one that thinks every single car i see is a charger until it gets closer?

[–]RedMustard 0 points1 point ago

I swear that I was just thinking of a post like this a couple days ago. I thought to myself, "That would be a great idea for r/trees". Great minds think alike.

[–]immortalsteve 0 points1 point ago

Also look out for 90s/00s Mustangs and Camaros. A lot of those here in AZ where I am at...sneaky bastards too. Stay safe out there, bros

[–]kinyon 0 points1 point ago

I really hope the people in this thread are not supporting driving while high. Driving under the influence is extremely dangerous, no matter the substance, and you are a pretty callous individual to drive in spite of this fact. And really, if you don't drive stoned, then you won't have to worry about who is driving behind you.

[–]jacob6875 0 points1 point ago

This is kind of useless. In central illinois anyway cops drive many more types of cars than these. For example they run marked new and old ford explorers. They also run the GMC version of the tahoe (cant remember what its called), as well as smaller SUVs like the Ford Escape.

They also use unmarked Ford Mustangs / Ford Explorer's / Taurus etc.

[–]diminishedfifth 0 points1 point ago

I agree with the shape of the lights, but for me the simplest way to tell if there's a cop behind you(At least in North Cali) Crown vic's and chargers have LED lights instead of the regular lights.

[–]Scuzzboots 0 points1 point ago

I have always been able to spot the crown victoria headlights, and it has proven to be a very handy skill Edit: fucking grand marquis!

[–]Neffie 0 points1 point ago

this image is retarded, all headlights look the same at night

the best bet is to look for a grill if your cops have one

[–]zombieregime 0 points1 point ago

that would be helpful if the picture included the yellow market light positions. that image looks like someone googled these cars, cropped the headlamps, made em black and white, then cranked the contrast up.

crown vics have 2 markers, a set to the outside of the headlamp, and a set the inside. the grid of the reflector of the inner pair is easily noticeable, distinguishing it from the Buick Regal in a rear view mirror.

[–]RockingTheRitz 0 points1 point ago

My god, my brain added un the grills of each car as I stared. Thank you for this.

[–]Teds101 0 points1 point ago

Good tip for the most common cop car at least where I am, the crown Vic. It's parking lights are yellow and on the inside of the headlights. On the year that they use for cop cars, newer ones have them on the outside. So any car I see with yellow lights inside of the headlights, I look at.

[–]Blue-Star 0 points1 point ago

This is the one reason I hope they make weed legal, so they can make it illegal to smoke and drive. I mean a substance that alters your reaction time slowing you down should not be used before operating a heavy vehicle.

[–]Pryds 0 points1 point ago

It was hard to understand, seriosusly, i toughr it was a cutted manga page....ಠ_ಠ

EDT: until i read the bottom

[–]StackDatChz 0 points1 point ago

Agree with the image. About the right amount of distortion. I can distinguish headlights pretty fuckin accurately. Swear to shit, a friend of mine puked after a guessing game we made up [while already drunk] predicting headlights coming down the road... ...in college. Had a lot of responsibilities back then.

Edit: [7]

[–]bubblerboy18 0 points1 point ago

In my hometown of Atlanta they donated an Aston Martin police car. God were fucked

[–]Jabba_the_Mutt 0 points1 point ago

Wish Australian cops had such distinct headlights. Cops here drive Holden's, BUT SO DOES EVERY OTHER CIVILIAN MOTHERFUCKER.

[–]91Z28Camaro 0 points1 point ago

thats the advantage of being a gearhead ent i point out undercover cop cars for fun and i saved me and my freinds as by reconizing an undercover impalla out of the corner of my eye and telling him to put the mflb away and then he came up behind us got out scratched my car by banging his flashlight on it then blinded me and my freind told me the wrong laws failed to ask for any information then just left they needed a power trip

[–]philipptj 0 points1 point ago

i've always thought i was the only one who could recognize these!

[–]squiresuzuki 0 points1 point ago

Note: If you live in Hawaii, any Ferrari or similar sports car with an obvious blinking light on top is a cop (seriously, a bunch of cops have sports cars instead of cruisers).

[–]atouchofclass 0 points1 point ago

If paranoia while you drive is essential to road trips, then I can definetly see this being helpful. If you are a good driver then I see this as completely useless. Only a 17 year old would take this seriously

[–]Devizzle95 0 points1 point ago

Could someone help me find out how risky it is to sneak weed from Texas into Arizona? Are their dogs at the border checkpoint?

[–]bobazefettClub MFLB 0 points1 point ago

man i hate it when a taxi rolls by and the little light part on the top that says taxi, well sometimes, like, itll resemble cop lights. so, um, like, from a distance man, they look like cop lights. so yeah...uptokes

[–]raver459 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, when your high the lights all look the same. Truly the worst part of driving high...always worried a cop is about to pull you over 0_0

[–]timeisart 0 points1 point ago

helpful pic but the imapala typo is screaming at me.

[–]funkengruven88 0 points1 point ago

Nobody else just memorizes them? I guess I drive too much...

[–]shitterplug 0 points1 point ago

This is awful.

[–]revo515 -1 points0 points ago

lol i'm a speeder i have the lights all memorized

[–]jld426 -1 points0 points ago

repost..

[–]IAMB47M4N -3 points-2 points ago

print it out and keep it in your car if you can't memorize it, then when you suspect a cop being behind you late at night glance at the paper (don't want to make a lot of movement to look at the paper tho then you might end up getting pulled over anyways if they see you rummaging around.)

[–]Oo0o8o0oO 1 point2 points ago

Son, why do you have a picture of our different types of headlights in your car?

[–]IAMB47M4N 0 points1 point ago

umm its for my mechanics class, we have a test this week. shifty eyes

[–]DeltaMuffin -1 points0 points ago

"My mother was a moth. I can't stop"

[–]Oo0o8o0oO -1 points0 points ago

[–]Mikechapel420 -1 points0 points ago

I'm most likely not going to remember this.