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1034
1035

anon turns alpha (imgur.com)

submitted ago by EvanTomassi

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[–]Bortjort 408 points409 points ago

I did the same thing only I had a rocket launcher and the gangsters had dinosaurs

[–]EveryVillanIsLemons 6 points7 points ago

Prove it

[–]12_f_taiwan 9 points10 points ago

check my dubs

[–]rabbidpanda 286 points287 points ago

Here's a list of parts of the story that are untrue:

  • All of it

Disregard that, I suck cocks.

[–]zackdmack 70 points71 points ago

The store is false?

[–]tisazombie 40 points41 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/mKCHY.jpg

[–]HiaItsPeter 4 points5 points ago

I want to believe...

[–]overused_ellipsis 77 points78 points ago

The one with the knife was a Greaser... the rest were Tunnelsnakes.

[–]KingNick 22 points23 points ago

OP went VATS on them.

[–]Firekracker 7 points8 points ago

I swear, at least fucking once a day I get reminded...

[–]EvanTomassi[S] 5 points6 points ago

fu wally mack

[–]rblurthington25/pol/ 102 points103 points ago

implying any of the shooting happened

implying anon wasn't actually the dad

[–]ForgotFirstPassword/mu/ 66 points67 points ago

implying /b/tards have sex

[–]GreyCr0ss 48 points49 points ago

implying rape doesn't count

[–]Apollo7 35 points36 points ago

implying his life is an episode of Burn Notice

[–]Sam_Mack 1 point2 points ago

Chuck Finley here, I can confirm this as fact.

[–]TimmaDee 47 points48 points ago

run into the front yard, and start running

run into front yard, and start running

run into yard, and start running

run into, and start running

run, and start running

run, start running

run, running

[–]donvito7335 6 points7 points ago

/b/ro was using his turbo

[–]TimmaDee 2 points3 points ago

"Use W key to run, hold shift to run, run."

[–]TheJucheisLoose 49 points50 points ago

OP here, this story actually wasn't me, but instead happened to this friend of mine name Max Payne. They made a couple of video games out of it, but those weren't really true to life.

[–]Tuco_bell 62 points63 points ago

I was waiting for one of the gangster to ask for tree fiddy

[–]SpitefulMoose 24 points25 points ago

But I think we're all glad they didn't.

[–]Apollo7 4 points5 points ago

Well it was about at that point I realized that they weren't really gangsters armed with guns, but a seven story monster from the paleolithic era.

[–]trampus1 30 points31 points ago

Every gun nut's wet dream. "Oh, you only brought 20 guys? Time to shoot my way out with my 2 Glocks."

[–]ReesesPoofs 35 points36 points ago

i did this shit in CoD last week this should be easy

[–]wieners 77 points78 points ago

Nothing has ever not happened as much as this did not happen.

[–]war_whale 62 points63 points ago

Oh, what, like you think that local thugs who are able to cut power and have cell phone nullifiers couldn't be killed by a pussy with a shotgun who also didn't get in any legal trouble at all for just shooting people out of the blue and also murdering someone a short while afterward? Happens everyday on my block in suburbia.

[–]Z0bie 6 points7 points ago

They're not that hard to get. There are tons of online stores where you can get them.

[–]blog_farts 12 points13 points ago

But they're ILLEGAL. Sheesh.

[–]lolwut19 0 points1 point ago

So are drugs. And torrenting music, games, movies and such.

EDIT: fixed for clarity

[–]nigganigga 2 points3 points ago

torrenting is legal

[–]lolwut19 0 points1 point ago

Fixed

[–]war_whale 2 points3 points ago

Right but of course they are smart enough to have that and cut the power and have guns at the ready.... and somehow are bewildered at the vigilante tard.

[–]Firekracker -5 points-4 points ago

And don't forget he didn't mention putting in earplugs, so he would've been temporarily deaf after the first shot.

[–]Duck5009/co/ 11 points12 points ago

Conflicted Feels.

[–]LordOfGummies 12 points13 points ago

Shotgun headshot.

[–]benisrice 7 points8 points ago

through glass nonetheless

[–]LordOfGummies 15 points16 points ago

10 points to Gryffindor.

[–]tomtom105 9 points10 points ago

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

[–]idontwannausemyname/v/ 17 points18 points ago

I would've loved it if it was true story. Good Movie possibility

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]ApolloHimself 44 points45 points ago

"haha I learned fun new vocabulary on 4chan, let's try it out!"

[–]EvanTomassi[S] 47 points48 points ago

yeah and your movie would go: hey yall i literally cannot sucking dicks 24/7 plz give me gay times

[–]Enapes14 17 points18 points ago

I literally cannot sucking dicks 24/7

[–]SeriouslyFuckYouOP/fit/ -5 points-4 points ago

lol way to make me feel bad on the internet lol

mfw I literally can't stop sucking dicks

[–]Oxxide 12 points13 points ago

what a shitty attempt. never make a joke again.

[–]freklz/b/ 0 points1 point ago

Oh, that was a joke. Ha.

[–]Oxxide 5 points6 points ago

see above

[–]IVI4tt 8 points9 points ago

Things that have not happened, ranked by how much they have not happened:

  • Hitler on the moon
  • Intelligent discussion on Reddit
  • This story

[–]unazismall -5 points-4 points ago

Le upvotes for you, good sir! 10/10 list, would agree to again. Except for the part where you implied that there's no intelligent discussion on Reddit, this is where I was introduced to my two heroes NDT and Atheism, and they are pure intelligent discussion. But otherwise this list is so good that it should be made into a rage comic.

[–]systmh/d/ 5 points6 points ago

ITT: Lies

not ITT: spaghetti

[–]Derp_Derpingston 5 points6 points ago

5/10 might consider reading again.

[–]CRAB_OF_TRAPPED_WIND/mu/ 11 points12 points ago

And on the next episode of Things That Didn't Happen...

[–]Rainymood_XI 8 points9 points ago

Am I the only one who wants to be the girl that got raped?

[–]WolfInTheField 20 points21 points ago

This so never happened that it's ridiculous,b ut it's a fun story.

[–]ShitsCrazyMan 1 point2 points ago

K

[–]smartalbert 2 points3 points ago

it's good to know your history but history is a flawed concept: to correct this you must also learn the non-history, the history of stuff that never ever happened. that said, considering all the history of non-history i have never ever read a story that never ever happened more than that story. never. ever.

[–]Asshole_Patrol/fit/ 2 points3 points ago

Why even post this OP? It's not that entertaining a story and it's not true.

[–]CrusherEAGLE 3 points4 points ago

Guys I think I'm pretty astute in my observation in noticing that the facts in the aforementioned story did not, in fact, happen. I fear this story may be false. Upvotes to the left for me noticing this astounding bit of information that clearly all of you seemed to miss.

[–]gsjamian 1 point2 points ago

Pics or it didn't happen

[–]nukefudge 3 points4 points ago

console her

what. like, pushed her buttons? how rude.

[–]bobsmith93 2 points3 points ago

Hmm..

[–]yrtseprat 1 point2 points ago

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067800/

[–]O_Incandenza 0 points1 point ago

Wait a minute, are you Andy Garcia in Godfather III?

[–]Syltarex 0 points1 point ago

In the annals of things that never happened, nothing has not happened harder than this never happened.

[–]eXXaXion 0 points1 point ago

I think it's real. He's Quentin Goddamn Tarantino after all!

[–]supermerde 0 points1 point ago

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/nnsrf/redditors_who_have_killed_in_selfdefense_or/c3almyr

[–]mikalshorti 0 points1 point ago

LOL it's obviously fake... But it's still a pretty good story.. make a good movie......

[–]Sykoninja95 0 points1 point ago

In for ten years, yet one escaped five years later to kill you. Good stuff.

[–]WARGLBARGL 0 points1 point ago

900+ upvotes for.....this

[–]Fuck_my_username 0 points1 point ago

5 gangsters outside house

OP kills 3

Cops arrest the remaining 5 guys

[–]come_the_dawn 6 points7 points ago

look in backyard, 3 gangsters

[–]lemonadegame 0 points1 point ago

respawn

[–]cjg1075 0 points1 point ago

This week on shit that never happened.

[–]RedDutchPancakes 0 points1 point ago

Seems legit to me.

[–]FulminatedMercury/b/ -1 points0 points ago

I like the part where he tells the truth.

[–]thebastion -2 points-1 points ago

So you didn't like his story i take it?

[–]redditspice -1 points0 points ago

lying on the internet is considered alpha?

[–]Daltinoloco -1 points0 points ago

"run into the front yard and start running" wut

[–]kingbrofag -1 points0 points ago

hahahahahaha faggot shit, yea brah dat iz such a sick sroty man, i once did tghis too cept I killed 80 guys with my hommade flame thrower before i ran away forever

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