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top 200 commentsshow all 241

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 449 points450 points ago

redditor for 15 minutes

username: sorevajaja

OP is a dude.

[–]lolwut19 48 points49 points ago

I don't understand, why does the username imply that OP is a dude?

[–]patefoisgras 105 points106 points ago

To put things in perspective, would you call your penis a... I don't know, peeweenee?

[–]gameguy285 173 points174 points ago

i will now

[–]peeweenee 258 points259 points ago

[–]acdcfanbill 154 points155 points ago

redditor for 0 days

username: peeweenee

OP is a chick!

[–]DoWhile 32 points33 points ago

I don't understand, why does the username imply that OP is a chick?

[–]Alex_Gianturco 45 points46 points ago

To put things in perspective, would you call your vagina a... I don't know, sorevajaja?

[–]TheWhistler1967 23 points24 points ago

i will now

[–]AOIM_CubanJ 12 points13 points ago

one of the best circlejerks i have ever read

[–]The_Painted_Man 1 point2 points ago

sounds... spanish?

[–]Likestechlongtime 5 points6 points ago

Me gusta

[–]RockinHawkin 44 points45 points ago

This kills the boner.

[–]TheDroopy 16 points17 points ago

That was almost as bad as Bilbo grabbing at the ring.

[–]SmartAssX 5 points6 points ago

All teeth.... just the way i like it

[–]WhatIfItWereTrue 1 point2 points ago

I'd love to feel those on my hotdog.

[–]seanmaw 2 points3 points ago

lold, hard

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]FullSail 114 points115 points ago

OP is Oprah

[–]complex_reduction 36 points37 points ago

It is known.

[–]Ron_DeGrasse_Gaben 24 points25 points ago

Pepperidge farms knew.

[–]Inteli_Gent 12 points13 points ago

But Pepperidge Farm isn't gonna just keep it to Pepperidge Farms self. Maybe you go out buy some of these delicious cookies. Maybe this whole thing just goes away.

[–]UraharaZR 0 points1 point ago

One of the most memorable bits from FG.

[–]reluctant-upvote 0 points1 point ago

It is known

[–]jackwoww 18 points19 points ago

[–]The_Painted_Man 0 points1 point ago

awwww.... i used to like that character.

Ruined.

[–]mnm899 4 points5 points ago

It's what OP is short for

[–]kennywinker09 6 points7 points ago

Ostrich Panties

[–]douggums 0 points1 point ago

OPrah

[–]fr0s7ii 0 points1 point ago

so does Jimmy Carr

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Oprah got busted at the airport this weekend. * they found 25 pounds of crack in her pants.*

[–]palpablescalpel 1 point2 points ago

? I only know girls who call them vajayjays. I don't know a single guy who uses that word.

[–]The_Real_JS 0 points1 point ago

I know girls that call it that. It's...odd to say the least.

[–]spattem 2 points3 points ago

Given: OP is a faggot.

[–]jackwoww 5 points6 points ago

Also, I haven't met many women who use the term "eating me out."

[–]sarahgogo 12 points13 points ago

Umm what do they call it? Bc there's no way every girl you know calls it cunnilingus

[–]_Born_To_Be_Mild_ 8 points9 points ago

Licking the lettuce leaf.

[–]jackwoww -2 points-1 points ago

Last time I checked cunnilingus and eating out were not the only two terms in existence.

[–]Antabaka 6 points7 points ago

You replied to the wrong guy.

Also, he didn't say that. He literally asked you what other terms there were. You should list a few.

[–]samageddon 2 points3 points ago

I ONLY use the term "eating me out", and I'm curious too, what are the others?

[–]so_carelessly_here 5 points6 points ago

"going down on me"?

classy

[–]kobello 0 points1 point ago

i was playing kings cup with friends once and one of the girls got a jack and said "never have i ever eaten bug" talking about oral

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

Cool story Bro...

[–]kobello 0 points1 point ago

did you read the comment i replied to, bro? cause i don't think you did, bro... i'll help

jackwoww said "Also, I haven't met many women who use the term "eating me out.""

similar to unfamiliar ways to refer to cunnilingus, i recalled and mentioned a time i heard a girl call it "eating bug."

does that make u mad Bro? fuck you

[–]Enjerin 1 point2 points ago

I just assumed it was some fat bitch with a skullet and lazy eyelids holding a 44 oz. fountain drink. But, it might be a guy.

[–]Omegle 1 point2 points ago

looks like nobody upvoting this got the guide to the internets

[–]letsgetstoned 0 points1 point ago

totally beleive you, i saw this exact post not to long ago

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

So? His boyfriend is eating out his ass.

[–]whatwouldscoobydo 0 points1 point ago

in a sloppy, almost violent manner, it seems.

[–]Mondegreen8 173 points174 points ago

Sounds like you need a gentler touch.

http://i.imgur.com/ts075.gif

[–]AmiraMalicious 9 points10 points ago

that actor is actually a woman

[–]callmemayday 8 points9 points ago

what the fuck.

[–]machzel08 2 points3 points ago

I remember reading that she loved doing that bit because of how over the top she could take it.

[–]nmezib 31 points32 points ago

Mmm Girl, you so fine, Can I have yo numba?

Girl, can I ha dem? Can I ha dem? Can I ha dem?

[–]nymonym 6 points7 points ago

Ok, "Na fa fo fo fo fa fa".

[–]Kotton 7 points8 points ago

Oh you don't have a boyfriend, oh ok, ok ok that's cool ya

so listen I was wondering can I have your numba can I have you numba

FTFY

[–]Darth_Remus 6 points7 points ago

Mmm okay..okay...okay..okay..

[–]PirateGriffin 0 points1 point ago

That so, Lady?

[–]machzel08 0 points1 point ago

Yvonne? That's a french-ass name Yvonne!

[–]steakmm 0 points1 point ago

MMMMM MMM

[–]smug_rum_smuggler 40 points41 points ago

So you're saying you have watermelon seeds in your hooha?

[–]GMBeats95 27 points28 points ago

No, watermelon flavored "jolly ranchers"

[–]lucianmatt 20 points21 points ago

OH GOD. DON'T EVEN REMIND ME OF THAT.

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 37 points38 points ago

THE "JOLLY RANCHER STORY" GETS BROUGHT UP AT EVERY AVAILABLE OPPORTUNITY, SO IT'S NOT REALLY THAT SHOCKING ANYMORE. IN FACT, THE TROPE NOW SEEMS TO HAVE BECOME GRATUITOUS OVERREACTIONS. IT'S JUST GETTING A LITTLE BIT OLD.

[–]spamato 5 points6 points ago

Can you summarize the jolly rancher story for me?

[–]The_Mexorcist26 24 points25 points ago

Guy comes back from deployment

eats girlfriend out

she smells pretty rank, puts jolly rancher in mouth to fight bad taste and not offend chick

jolly rancher goes into girls cooter

guy digs with his tongue to get it out

ends up biting a gonorreah nodule

pus and infection in guys mouth

guy throws up

girl cheated on guy while he was deployed

guy has mouth gonorreah

God's mercy nowhere to be found.

[–]6APe9 19 points20 points ago

this makes baby jesus cry.

[–]The_Mexorcist26 24 points25 points ago

Still a better love story than twilight

[–]6APe9 9 points10 points ago

A mouthful of Gonorrhea is better than Twilight? Sounds about right.

[–]j0a3k 0 points1 point ago

Which is a fake story because gonorrhea doesn't cause nodule/cyst formations. Still boner-slaying, but not true at least.

[–]slutbutt 9 points10 points ago

NO

[–]dont_press_ctrl-W 2 points3 points ago

Oh god no.

[–]Lying_Cake 1 point2 points ago

You sounding intelligent and yelling at me throws me off.

[–]Siethron 0 points1 point ago

Is it as bad as the starbursts?

Edit: sorry for bringing that up.

[–]Oheina 0 points1 point ago

Starbursts?

[–]pherydust 9 points10 points ago

You son of a bitch.

[–]Hippster 2 points3 points ago

He put nsfl AND a spoiler alert. you were warned. always assume the worst with nsfl. i've seen month old decomposing bodies, bodies hit by trains and all sorts of shit not meant for eyes.

[–]Lying_Cake 4 points5 points ago

In guys mind "gross I wonder what flavor THAT one was"

[–]Oheina 3 points4 points ago

Oh my sweet heavenly god... I just.... shudder So glad I won't end up with herpes.

[–]tisraels 1 point2 points ago

Pretty sure it was Jolly Ranchers, not Starbursts; and gonorrhea, not herpes?

[–]goofball_jones 5 points6 points ago

heard it was a payday bar...and he swallowed a spider sac....and it was filled with baby spiders...and they laid eggs in his ears....and...

Wait, I may be getting all my urban legends all mixed up.

[–]RedBearski 0 points1 point ago

Ben?
Edit: Zakk?

[–]bigroblee 0 points1 point ago

Stupid and fake. Heard it as an urban legend when I was in Junior High, which was twenty five years ago.

[–]WalrusLAN 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, I thought that was the Jolly Rancher story, not starbursts?

[–]jasa9632 3 points4 points ago

I may regret this: What's the jolly rancher story?

[–]GMBeats95 3 points4 points ago

Oh boy, just google "jolly rancher story reddit" and report back with a reaction when you're done

[–]WombatDominator 0 points1 point ago

Fuck. FUCK, FUCK. fuck.... Why do I put myself through this, I know it's going to be bad and yet I do it anyway. BUT THE SAC, FUCK.

[–]GMBeats95 2 points3 points ago

There's another one with starbursts and a herpes sac.

[–]WombatDominator 0 points1 point ago

I read that in another comment before reaching the Jolly Rancher saga. Needless to say I won't need to fap tonight.

[–]dickhole_papercut 0 points1 point ago

I'll need to fap twice as much after reading those

[–]jasa9632 0 points1 point ago

Goddammit. I was eating too

Though I have heard the same story with skittles and a herpes sore

[–]BBigs 5 points6 points ago

FUCK YOU! I JUST FORGOT ABOUT THAT. FUCK YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU KNOW AND LOVE.

Sorry... I just saw red... I couldn't stop myself...

[–]nigganigga 3 points4 points ago

it's not that bad

[–]gbr4rmunchkin 0 points1 point ago

cysts....cysts everywhere

[–]susannahdm 0 points1 point ago

one reason why I am glad I am a straight female redditor...because that story doesn't effect me nearly as badly as it would my male counterpart. HA.

[–]twan398 45 points46 points ago

Your trailer must get dirty.

[–]MythicalEthical 45 points46 points ago

I hope his face isn't as red when hes done.

[–]Nashvillians 118 points119 points ago

OP is a dude.

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 189 points190 points ago

OP is a watermelon.

[–]electricfoxx 11 points12 points ago

Rim for the win.

[–]RussRufo 17 points18 points ago

Actually, guys can be too.

[–]authorless 14 points15 points ago

With some syrup or jelly.

[–]d1rtfarm 9 points10 points ago

I prefer syrup.

[–]lngjohnslvr 3 points4 points ago

I'm a jelly man.

[–]Ikimasen 5 points6 points ago

[–]andersonmatt1125 3 points4 points ago

[–]tlums 0 points1 point ago

[–]dlamar1017 1 point2 points ago

Am redditting at 12:30 AM here. All of a sudden: screaming kids. Many screaming kids.

[–]sam219 2 points3 points ago

Jelly Man, Offspring. Offspring, Jelly Man.

[–]Oscar_obvious 2 points3 points ago

First, I put the peanut butter inside my ass. Then, I put the jelly on top of it. I call it, a peanut butter and jelly and asshole sandwich- but OP will be calling it lunch

[–]spamato 2 points3 points ago

It's usually salad dressing.

[–]Asifys 10 points11 points ago

"When I eat my gf out" would've been funnier too. What's the deal, OP?

[–]jackwoww 1 point2 points ago

Karma whoring. Maybe OP believes women receive more upvotes from the forever alone demographic.

[–]Xeonit 0 points1 point ago

*OP is a faggot

(sorry had to do it, first time)

[–]suugakusha 27 points28 points ago

I think I have seen this gif like 15 times ...

... and EVERY time it has been in reference to cunnilingus.

[–]deediare 9 points10 points ago

Seriously. I saw the title and immediately thought "I swear, if it's that damn watermelon gif again..."

[–]Waffles81 0 points1 point ago

Couldn't you tell from the thumbnail though?

[–]deediare 0 points1 point ago

Unfortunately, no. I was on AlienBlue and no thumbnail was displayed.

[–]Grimku 1 point2 points ago

And every time I see that word I think of Colonel Angus.

[–]Coupe63 13 points14 points ago

does that even count in watermelon eating contests? just push all the edible parts off the rind with your face and say, "DONE!"

[–]DownWithTheShip 6 points7 points ago

Yeah, that bothers me a lot. He's not eating anything.

[–]punkNjunk 2 points3 points ago

This is an issue that requires some regulation, I believe. People are just upcoming jokes instead of the real issue here.

[–]cmarico 54 points55 points ago

WHARRGARBLWHARRGARBLWHARRGARBL

[–]The_Painted_Man 13 points14 points ago

WHARRGARBLWHARRG[discreetly pause to remove hair from teeth]ARBLWHARRGARBL

[–]SindySlaughter 4 points5 points ago

Your boyfriend needs to learn a thing or two.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

or your vagina is sloppy as fuck...

[–]PlumRugofDoom 6 points7 points ago

OP is a watermelon. mfw

[–]jedemon 4 points5 points ago

hes doing it wrong

[–]Yourpixelsareshowing 4 points5 points ago

So...is this good? Because that's letting off like it hurts too me...

[–]squid06 5 points6 points ago

I am absolutely disgusted...upvote.

[–]The_Painted_Man 5 points6 points ago

what i look like when going down on my wife: http://i.imgur.com/hvDxJ.gif

[–]M0b1u5 15 points16 points ago

So, basically, you are complaining about the extremely poor technique, and lack of subtlety, I take it?

[–]sorevajaja[S] -5 points-4 points ago

bingo

[–]KiNGofKiNG89 4 points5 points ago

So....your boyfriend is a rookie?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

That can't feel good.

[–]EnzoBlankz 3 points4 points ago

You're a watermelon?

[–]Hops_n_barley 4 points5 points ago

How big is your vagina?

[–]zenthor109 2 points3 points ago

he may be doing it wrong

[–]A_Simplepun 2 points3 points ago

This is why I'm so thankful of the movie hall pass teaching me to 'fake chow'

[–]Myherospbnj 2 points3 points ago

Boyfriend needs to watch American Pie that is NOT what you do to a Watermelon

[–]tehweave 2 points3 points ago

Ladies! Give us directions!

"Do this, do that."

If he complains, dump him. If he uses them and does this and that, guess what? Better sex!

[–]Commod0re 2 points3 points ago

Lady, you've got problems

[–]polaroidgeek 2 points3 points ago

Does he spit out the seeds?

[–]ronbello20 6 points7 points ago

Oh god, is that what we look like when we're down there?

[–]spongy_poodle 3 points4 points ago

yes

[–]EthanBeatles 0 points1 point ago

I like how Spongy Poodle replied to that comment.

[–]plutPWNium 3 points4 points ago

so what you are saying is your boyfriend rips your fucking genitals to shreds with his teeth, leaving only a splash of gore on the table? seems legit.

[–]roughneck45 1 point2 points ago

Shit I can do better

[–]MOS6502 1 point2 points ago

And his face is just as wet when he's done. Interesting pic choice, though; I've always likened going down on a girl to eating a slice of watermelon, though my technique is a lot more, shall we say, better.

[–]Nivlac024 6 points7 points ago

a lot more better indeed.

[–]MOS6502 0 points1 point ago

My grammar flub was intended. ;)

[–]yourfacelikesme 1 point2 points ago

Oh my god I'm so sorry.

[–]JoinRedditTheySaid 1 point2 points ago

So he tries to finish as fast as possible?

[–]krunchberry 1 point2 points ago

Oddly this post makes me feel sorry for both of you.

[–]vazzaroth 1 point2 points ago

If i'm not mistaken this was posted before with the EXACT same title.

[–]bloodclart 1 point2 points ago

i saw this a few months ago with the exact same title. fuck you.

[–]poolate 1 point2 points ago

Al Bundy before the shoe business.

[–]deathmint 1 point2 points ago

You must have one BIG vagina...

[–]SpitN 1 point2 points ago

Dogbowling that shit.

[–]SpaizKadett 1 point2 points ago

Is he that bad at it?

[–]Shomsel 1 point2 points ago

Get a new boyfriend?

[–]Fezzodge 1 point2 points ago

Thank you, I laughed so hard at this!

[–]BumbleTummy 2 points3 points ago

Yeah, is this a good thing? At least he seems enthusiastic about things. A bonus if you're actually taking the effort to flavor yourself watermelon; All women should put forth such effort. Do you need things slower? Is there too much direct contact with the clit for your liking? Do you prefer more indirect teasing instead? Clear things up, please.

[–]marshmallowperson 2 points3 points ago

He's probably using too much teeth.

[–]jimbroof 1 point2 points ago

fucking gross

[–]sudo_nim 2 points3 points ago

Hasn't it been enough with the fucking reposts getting more up-votes than original content" It's starting to make me question reddit. Everyone on this site seems to claim that they saw every post like that rage comic about "what it's like having a girlfriend who uses tumblr." Yet reposts keep getting up-voted and good material is overlooked or down-voted, probably by these copycats. Where are all the good redditor's who hate those who repost?

[–]Likeyouneverseen 1 point2 points ago

Who the fuck is your boyfriend.

[–]Kit_n_Kaboodle 1 point2 points ago

I'm not even mad they're a dude cause it's still funny.

[–]AsHLeRoSe 1 point2 points ago

Do you still have a clit after that???? Mine couldn't handle that!

[–]rapman543 0 points1 point ago

I don't even know what to say here...

[–]awesomebbq 0 points1 point ago

To win that, he probably had to actually eat it...

[–]punarvasu 0 points1 point ago

ewwwww

[–]SBN_Deltrese 0 points1 point ago

aha gross

[–]uhhhtj 0 points1 point ago

I'm sorry to hear about your sore vajaja

[–]thecotton 0 points1 point ago

Ah, for me it's like the heavens and stars have aligned. He has the tongue and technique of a God.

[–]ravosava 0 points1 point ago

I call mine a hoo ha, noo noo, vajeener, and vag.

[–]eff_bawmb 0 points1 point ago

My ex calls hers a nanner. shudder

[–]jordaniac89 0 points1 point ago

I softly chuckled.

[–]memeguy99 0 points1 point ago

Little too many bath salts.

[–]alex_parsell 0 points1 point ago

this gif went perfect with the dubstep i was blasting x)

[–]rhinosrs 0 points1 point ago

D:

[–]Ryanthewise1 0 points1 point ago

Wait... so that's not how you do it?

[–]tlums 0 points1 point ago

Maybe he should eat his watermelon from a dish, or possibly cut up into smaller pieces?

Ohhh, you're talking about sexual things!

[–]BongGyver 0 points1 point ago

that's hot

[–]MidnightThunderBoy64 0 points1 point ago

I fucking lol'd.

[–]slit27 0 points1 point ago

not gonna lie, I laughed hard as hell

[–]WARNINGmiddlechild 0 points1 point ago

I really wish men would do a little research on the subject before they just walk in and take the test. If you know what I mean.

[–]rena1987 0 points1 point ago

I mean really? Sometimes I have to shove him off, it's ridiculous.

[–]lucak98 0 points1 point ago

And... You're proud of this?!?

[–]concretebox 0 points1 point ago

Lucky girl?

[–]practicalTheories 0 points1 point ago

I had to see what it looked like in reverse. Turned out pretty well I'd say: http://reversegif.com/p19

[–]p1x3lpush3r 0 points1 point ago

It's always bothered me that this guy is just pushing the watermelon with his face. He's not really eating it, just using his head as a watermelon plow.

[–]apierson2011 0 points1 point ago

Holy shit. Caption took that GIF to a whole 'nother level.

[–]Sandlicker 0 points1 point ago

That's a dealbreaker, ladies!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a096b_PVVd4

But seriously, that is not okay.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

WHY do they DO that?!

[–]successadult 1 point2 points ago

So, you're saying this is the wrong way?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

YES.

[–]durfalurf 0 points1 point ago

Is he black?