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The utensil we all dream of. (imgur.com)

submitted ago by Silverwave2

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[–]Bchinly 91 points92 points ago

I don't get why knork and splife both use parts of the word "knife", yet splade uses the word blade

[–]skond 99 points100 points ago

And "splayd" has no letters from "fork" at all.

[–]bubkas22 67 points68 points ago

And where did that "y" even come from?

[–]Deracination 98 points99 points ago

Are we all in agreement that this is awful?

[–]dszordan 13 points14 points ago

I still want a knork. Sounds like it should be in a Dr. Seuss book.

[–]Deadairx 8 points9 points ago

Believe it or not, they exist.

www.knork.net

[–]dszordan 3 points4 points ago

Knorknet.

[–]rokaboca 1 point2 points ago

U of M gives out something like these

[–]chuckbucket 1 point2 points ago

close enough

[–]Gerka 2 points3 points ago

related

[–]fechera 0 points1 point ago

This was would happen though :(

[–]BakulaSelleck92 6 points7 points ago

There is no l, a, y, or d on any of the root words.

[–]_Wolfos 3 points4 points ago

Nor from knife.

[–]mtheory007 -1 points0 points ago

sp is from spork though. I believe that is the thinking here.

[–]awesomeideas 23 points24 points ago

Is the "sp" from spork somehow different from the "sp" from spoon?

[–]Devon64327 9 points10 points ago

I'm not sure whether the sp came from spoon or spork, but the layd comes from the fact that anyone who whips this bad boy out at a dinner is gauranteed some pussy.

[–]dszordan 1 point2 points ago

"Guys. Guys. Guess who's getting splayd tonight, aw yea."

* Reveals splayd *

[–]l1nk1npark 0 points1 point ago

I browse Reddit with a lot of tabs on. It took me a while to get what the hell you guys were talking about.

[–]M1RR0R 24 points25 points ago

It should be "spike".

[–]loljokkekek 5 points6 points ago

What about sporf. Here we have sp from spoon, or from fork and f from knife. With the e we have sporfe, which clearly is silly. Right?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

sporife knorpoon spknifork spoonforknife

i dunno wtf they were thinking with this splayd nonsense.

[–]BattleTard 0 points1 point ago

I humbly submit the term "sporf." Or "sporfe," if you want to be picky.

[–]also_hyakis -1 points0 points ago

My friend and I call it a Fpike. Similarly, the inverse of a spork (spoon/fork hybrid but with longer tines, so it's more fork than spoon) is called a Fpoon. They're both quite fun to say.

[–]Pandaless1 40 points41 points ago

Mankind is not ready for that fool!

[–]morkskogen 65 points66 points ago

Ahem...

[–]locksleyrox 27 points28 points ago

the knife edge is way to small!

[–]morkskogen 9 points10 points ago

Agreed, I've never used it. So maybe mankind is not ready afterall

[–]Chazzey_dude 8 points9 points ago

Half of the point of a fork is to apply force to the object so that it would remain stationary whilst the knife is cutting the object. You couldn't cut steak with that thing.

[–]Wilmot_Pioneer 14 points15 points ago

That's why you get two.

[–]Chazzey_dude 7 points8 points ago

Why not just get a knife and fork? I know I'm killing a dream, but you don't want to hold a part of the utensil that's been in food.

[–]buster2Xk 5 points6 points ago

Fuck knives and forks that's why.

[–]Black_Apalachi 0 points1 point ago

No, you have to say them the other way around ("fork and knife"). And like 3x fast.

[–]buster2Xk 0 points1 point ago

Fuck forkin' knives!

[–]used_bathwater 4 points5 points ago

Is that a knife for ants? It need's to be at least 3 times bigger.

[–]mossadi 1 point2 points ago

Not only is the knife edge too small but having the spoon on the opposite end would make eating messy. It should more resemble a spork, with the outside prongs slowly rounding to form the spoon's edge, and with BOTH edges being very sharply serrated (why both? because it's cool, that's why). Having a round, rather than straight cutting utensil, also gives the serrated edge extra surface without sacrificing the form or function of the spoon/fork.

©mossadi 2012

[–]lordofALLsquirrels 3 points4 points ago

Wouldn't the two sharply serrated sides tear up your cheeks as you try to get anything off the spoon function?

[–]mossadi 2 points3 points ago

...damnit

[–]Dudeiszack 3 points4 points ago

The problem I see is if you go to take a bite on the fork side and you weren't paying attention it would cut up the corner of your mouth

[–]RabidMuskrat93 1 point2 points ago

It's a good idea but let's say you're eating soup and a salad. You take a bite of salad. No problem. Then flip over the device and get a sip of soup. Still, most likely, problem free. Then go back to take a bite of salad. The spoon part (now the handle) is covered in residual soup.

Like all technology, it has flaws

[–]Spikeling 1 point2 points ago

I have one of these, actually, and I refer to it as the KNIFOON! You can totally cut with that knife edge, fyi.

[–]rakkar16 6 points7 points ago

And, as always, there's a relevant XKCD.

[–]patefoisgras 3 points4 points ago

For RES.

[–]jbowse2 2 points3 points ago

Just pulled this out of my silverware drawer http://imgur.com/pqgFq

[–]sisko2k5 0 points1 point ago

How...where...how?

[–]CTRL_ALT_RAPE 3 points4 points ago

I've been using it for years.

[–]mikalliksom 16 points17 points ago

http://i.qkme.me/3pxiok.jpg

[–]jo3l 13 points14 points ago

problem solved

[–]cookieinc 3 points4 points ago

problem solved cheaper

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]writesomethingwitty 1 point2 points ago

Meh. Someone give Google a medal.

[–]GoesOnClear 8 points9 points ago

Whenever I use the side of my fork to cut something I always have the same epiphany of having one side of the fork sharpened like a knife, and then I consider the massive class-action lawsuit from those who cut their fucking face open.

[–]kabukistar 6 points7 points ago

I have been deformed from hunching over two utensils for low these many years.

[–]Eyrie 6 points7 points ago

We have a set of Splayds at home. Most useful utensils ever.

[–]NotAnotherDecoy 18 points19 points ago

Knork sounds weird, what about... kniforker!

[–]Kourin 6 points7 points ago

Clone High upvote. Wish I had noticed this earlier before I posted the youtube link.

[–]dr-killjoy 14 points15 points ago

"WHY DOES MY MOUTH KEEP GETTING CUT UP"

[–]Limond 2 points3 points ago

I have a friend that will watch every episode but that one because she is grossed out by all the blood.

[–]shrlock 0 points1 point ago

IN FRANCE, WE EAT OUR MISTAKES!

MANGEZ LA GLASS!

[–]Cam0201 0 points1 point ago

There are serated sided forks so you can cut then pick it up with the fork part.

[–]Deadairx 0 points1 point ago

www.knork.net

[–]CompactedPrism 0 points1 point ago

Reminds me of Spyro.

[–]Black_Apalachi 0 points1 point ago

Knork sound like what I would imagine the Snorks call the dick thing on their heads.

[–]NotAnotherDecoy 1 point2 points ago

No, those were just called penises. They have to censor them when they play reruns.

[–]djmeoww 16 points17 points ago

Splayds already exist. Now go fork and tastify!

[–]MrRykler 2 points3 points ago

relevant xkcd

[–]RainbowCakeSprinkles 5 points6 points ago

I own a set of splayds. They are most excellent.

[–]Jackpancake 3 points4 points ago

It amazes me that people don't care about putting a knife(even part of) in their mouth.

[–]howitzer1 2 points3 points ago

I'd love a utensil called a knork, bacause in Britain (don't know about anywhere else), norks are boobs.

[–]ninjagrover 2 points3 points ago

Australia's gift to the world... You're welcome.

[–]playdohplaydate 2 points3 points ago

where'd the "d" come from?

[–]swordof1000truths 2 points3 points ago

Where'd the LAYD part come from?

[–]bearsaremean 4 points5 points ago

It depends where the knife part is, if it's on the actual fork part, I sure as shit would not use that

[–]ciestaconquistador 1 point2 points ago

You need to man up.

[–]Kourin 5 points6 points ago

If its coal powered I'll by a hundred!

[–]BoomerFTW -1 points0 points ago

*buy

[–]NNYPhillipJFry 1 point2 points ago

You forgot *it's. If you are going to be a dick at least do it right.

[–]BoomerFTW -1 points0 points ago

Figured I shouldn't be greedy and let someone else have some correcting Karma as well. You are welcome.

[–]SaintMort -1 points0 points ago

Upvote for the Clone High clip I was planning to post

"WHY DOES MY MOUTH KEEP GETTNG CUT OPEN!"

[–]shrlock 1 point2 points ago

IN FRANCE, WE EAT OUR MISTAKES!

MANGEZ LA GLASS!

[–]ZetaRedditor 1 point2 points ago

Hey guys I just got splayd

[–]Singspike 1 point2 points ago

Splayds are a brand name of sporfs. If all slpayds are sporfs, and all sporfs and sprunkets, are all splayds sprunkets?

[–]ComeAlongPonds 1 point2 points ago

Where on Earth can I get a "Knork"? No, actually, this is a serious question.

[–]WhoDatJoebear 1 point2 points ago

Well, you can always start here.

[–]ComeAlongPonds 1 point2 points ago

I salute you

[–]RavenoMail 1 point2 points ago

Wait, how is SPLAYD a combination of a spoon, fork and knife?

[–]kebukai 1 point2 points ago

fact: you still need at least two of them to eat correctly.

also, it still leaves out chopsticks

[–]ThePhenix 1 point2 points ago

You know, I think we have two hands for a reason. And it's not like you eat pudding at the same time as the main course. So, yeah...kind of redundant when you think about it. And when you're camping, well all you need is a reasonably nifty penknife and a spoon, sorted!

[–]askvictor 1 point2 points ago

Fuck that. Chopsticks.

[–]viscence 1 point2 points ago

Rather than something that has NONE of the letters of fork or knife, but 4 letters that aren't in any of the source words, I'd suggest "Sporfe": SPoon fORk kniFE.

[–]Alymae 1 point2 points ago

[KNORK!](www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTygajaWaR0)

[–]Belisarius23 1 point2 points ago

YES! YOU BRILLIANT REDDITOR

[–]vgman20 1 point2 points ago

Couldn't you just take a spork, elongate the end, and put a knife on that side? You have space to hold it, and there's a knife on one side, and a spork on the other.

[–]FattyMcPatty 1 point2 points ago

FUck the splayd,I just want a knork

[–]Socky_McPuppet 1 point2 points ago

Mmmm … feeling the knife-sharp edge cut into the corners of your mouth as you withdraw the splayd, having closed your mouth on some particularly tasty morsel …

[–]Athene_Wins 1 point2 points ago

Everything tastes like going to the dentist

[–]pgan91 1 point2 points ago

Fuck y'all.

Ima use my chopsticks

[–]dixiegunsmoke 3 points4 points ago

I have been living in Japan the past four months, and I must say that the chopsticks are a much more versatile utensil then I first thought.

They give you a ton of control over what you are eating, and I find myself better with them now then I am with a fork and knife.

[–]trinitis 9 points10 points ago

Does poking your food with a single chopstick and eating it off the end count? Cause that is about all I've been able to master. :(

[–]dixiegunsmoke 3 points4 points ago

That was the extent of my skill when I first came too.

You learn fast or you starve.

[–]wesman212 2 points3 points ago

Nice try, Obi One. Not all of us have The Force.

[–]dixiegunsmoke 2 points3 points ago

It is less of a being able to do it because I am awesome thing.

And more of an anyone could do it if they went through the same thing I did.

You only have to eat dinner with your girlfriends father using a kid's donald duck fork once before you force yourself to learn.

[–]wesman212 0 points1 point ago

Actually, you saying that has motivated me to get off the Internet and go learn so that that never happens to me.

[–]timidTurtles 2 points3 points ago

It looks like a fork.

[–]UnknownErmine 0 points1 point ago

How in the fuck do you hold this frankenfork?

[–]fcsquire 0 points1 point ago

I think I'd've gone with KNOORK (pronounced like the city, Newark, NJ)

[–]CheezyMcWang 0 points1 point ago

I have 6 of these in my cutlery drawer. Having them sharp enough to cut tends to slice up the inside of your mouth if you're not careful.

[–]aroxion 0 points1 point ago

I have a spork that looks like a splayd. Oh yeah. Deal with it. :P

[–]strangetemples 0 points1 point ago

I think this would make more sense with just a spork and a knife. The rest just seems redundant.

[–]Cortlander 0 points1 point ago

The middle utensil should be a "Sporf."

[–]Pappy1193 0 points1 point ago

My favorite utensil is the little wooden spoon you eat tiny tubs of ice cream with. Cellulose just really brings that flavor out.

[–]AwesomeKing5000 0 points1 point ago

What exactly is the use of the spife? Seems kinda Neanderthal.

[–]Skilol 0 points1 point ago

Splayd doesn't look like it could be used as spoon or knive. It basically looks just like a weird fork.

[–]sdair 0 points1 point ago

i believe a spife is more commonly known as a shank

[–]raycluster 0 points1 point ago

Wanna know how I got these scars? My father, was a drinker...and a fiend. And one night, he goes off craaaazier than usual. And he combined a fork, a spoon and a knife.

[–]dingus42 0 points1 point ago

i have heaps of them at my house

[–]HyzerFlip 0 points1 point ago

These all exist already really. They use them and much more unique tools for persons that have problems manipulating normal silverware.

I worked in the kitchen of a nursing home, we had a dozen or so sets of personal adaptive silverware.

[–]DirtyDanil 0 points1 point ago

Being born an Australian has taught me that a Knife can replace all of those things. Spoon probably the most dangerously interestingly.

[–]future-madscientist 0 points1 point ago

Are knorks a thing? Cos that would actually be really useful!

[–]WhoDatJoebear 0 points1 point ago

Yes. Friend of mine got me a set for my wedding; I love those things.

[–]henry82 0 points1 point ago

I actually have a splayd, it was good for camping. Except steak.

[–]oldsecondhand 0 points1 point ago

It would cut your mouth. Not a good idea. Knife has to be stand-alone.

[–]Bunbury42 0 points1 point ago

The Spife just seems dangerous. You either have to just pinch it right at the end or grip the knife edge since it seems the spoon is at the far end.

[–]osakanone 0 points1 point ago

Its called a Pastry Fork. You're welcome.

[–]MrTubalcain 0 points1 point ago

New Kickstarter project!

[–]also_hyakis 0 points1 point ago

I call it a Fpike.

[–]papanugini_god 0 points1 point ago

actualy, a spork has a knife edge

[–]n1nj4_v5_p1r4t3 0 points1 point ago

my friend has bad teeth so i made her some knorks once.

[–]remhawk99 0 points1 point ago

I have one of those. You can buy them at outdoors stores like REI

[–]mermaidrampage 0 points1 point ago

Uh, aren't we forgetting that you need the fork separate from the knife so you can hold your food while you cut it?

[–]cookiebox123 0 points1 point ago

No knife edge, and 3 random letters from none of the words, plus its just a spork with a high majority of it a fork and less of a spoon.

[–]FabulousLastWords 0 points1 point ago

Oh, thank god for spifes. I always find myself reaching for a knife when I'm having my bi-hourly soup.

[–]abstrusejoker 0 points1 point ago

http://qkme.me/3pxkfm

[–]CarlWheezer 0 points1 point ago

We all know how utensil hybrids suck. Sporks don't have enough fork for them to be useful. They're just spoons that hold less. And how can you hold what you are cutting in place if you only have one utensil? This is bullshit.

[–]Nathan561 0 points1 point ago

Its missing the spoon aspect

[–]SonGohanTW 0 points1 point ago

All I could think of as I looked at the ones that were combined with the knife...

"You wanna know how I got these scars?"

[–]theace01 0 points1 point ago

So it does exist.

[–]StiverSC 0 points1 point ago

Clone High solved the problem years ago.

[–]Hayrack 0 points1 point ago

Unfortunately it requires a silverware drawer 27 kilometers in diameter to detect it.

[–]AcousticWalrus 0 points1 point ago

Am I crazy or does the splayd just look like a fork with shorter prongs.

[–]smokeybarvis 0 points1 point ago

where did the a come from?

[–]that_one_asian25 0 points1 point ago

Where the actual fuck did the "L" come from in splayd?

[–]SwellJoe 0 points1 point ago

I assume it's "blade" combined with spoon; but it's a fucked up spelling, no matter what, and you lose "fork" in this word. But, maybe I'm missing something.

[–]Black_Apalachi 0 points1 point ago

The great thing about knives, forks and spoons is that they all have handles.

[–]SwabTheDeck 0 points1 point ago

It's my understanding that the spoon/knife combo is referred to as a knifoon (rhymes with "typhoon").

[–]iGoTitBaD 0 points1 point ago

It's just a fork...

[–]CouldveBeenSwallowed 0 points1 point ago

Am I the only one who owns an actual metal set of splayds?

[–]timfee 0 points1 point ago

Knork! Clone High!

[–]Not_The_Real_Thor 0 points1 point ago

How do you hold your food still while you slice if your knife is on the side of your fork?

[–]BLANK23 0 points1 point ago

Where the fuck did the L come from?

[–]youre_a_blank 0 points1 point ago

You're a utensil!

[–]nhall6 0 points1 point ago

I've already taken this idea into deep consideration. Take a spork, add a serrated edge to one side, bam. Sporfe.

[–]f00dninja 0 points1 point ago

The spork losses it's maximum capacity for liquids, the knork will cut your mouth, the spife doesn't have anywhere to grip it, the splayed can't hold soup, can't puncture properly, and will cut your hand.

[–]zutsori 0 points1 point ago

TIL Redditors are banshees about word appropriation. And love the Joker.

[–]PizzaGood 0 points1 point ago

Source, as best as I can tell:

http://ragb.ag/post/110551152/half-the-fun-of-hybrid-cutlery-is-the-peculiar

[–]smokecat20 0 points1 point ago

It's all leading up to the chopsticks.

[–]-TheBender- 0 points1 point ago

"HEY SPLAYD!!" "SCHWIGGITY SCHWIGGITY SCHWA"

[–]jennyhaniver 0 points1 point ago

Dream? Splayds are a reality. I've had these badboys all my life.

http://imgur.com/a/Ex5Jv/

[–]sassy_maple 0 points1 point ago

Doesn't a fork already kind of serve all these functions? You can scoop things and fork things and cut things with its edge. If the thing you're eating is too liquid than just pick up your bowl and drink it.

If you need a knife that's sharper than the edge of a fork, you would probably need a fork anyway to hold the thing you're cutting.

[–]Super_Dork_42 0 points1 point ago

Sporf* I actually have some of these. I'll update this with a picture. I love using it. EDIT : Here you go, people. http://imgur.com/Ho0WA

[–]thecityboy 0 points1 point ago

It's missing the chopsticks ;-)

[–]Sabbatai 0 points1 point ago

I say we call it a "Knorpoon" KNife, fork, spoon.

[–]mrdanz 0 points1 point ago

spnork

[–]yoitsmeab 0 points1 point ago

How do you cut something if the knife is attached to the fork and spoon?

[–]GentlemanPunk 0 points1 point ago

I'mma gonna name my first born child "Splade".

[–]that_one_asian25 0 points1 point ago

I think it's from the three middle words that it's combining

[–]used_bathwater 0 points1 point ago

I thought of a better name, i think.

I present to you..

the spoknifooferk

[–]PatAunces -1 points0 points ago

But then you'd be holding the blade, wouldn't you? That doesn't seem like a good idea. You need to make the edge of the fork part sharp, that would do it!

[–]PixilatedPwnage -1 points0 points ago

they already exist, they're called F.R.E.D.s (fucking ridiculous eating devices).

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