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top 200 commentsshow all 309

[–]FlyfFlyFlyFly 134 points135 points ago

I was going to go to bed early for the first time ever on a Saturday night. But then I checked one last time before bed and here I am.

[–][deleted] 53 points54 points ago

Good thing you didn't go to sleep. Just think of all the adventure you're about to have!

[–]NotaMethAddict 20 points21 points ago

[–]apextek 4 points5 points ago

question how does one acquire 52,314 comment karma in 19 days and not be a meth addict?

[–]DrBadfish 0 points1 point ago

circlejerk

[–]apextek 3 points4 points ago

something isn't quite right with you, i just checked your karma over. every comment is a home run, how do you manage that? rule of numbers assumes you should at least have a few comments that didnt get received well. but its like you're Bill Murray or something. nobody gets upvotes that consistently. i only found 3 instances of down votes in your entire history. -7 -1 & 0 how is that?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Upvoted because I want to know how he gamed the system.too.

[–]apextek 3 points4 points ago

at least your not a meth addict.

[–]ShirtPantsSocks 11 points12 points ago

Hey look a link! /r/nosleep click on it! An adventure is just waiting to happen.

Some more adventures waiting to happen: /r/spacedicks /r/popping /r/Shatter

[–]iamesauce 21 points22 points ago

Four purple links in that post.

...goddammit :(

[–]JaMan51 8 points9 points ago

I only have 3! I win!

[–]jobosno 1 point2 points ago

2, Try me.

[–]MegaScubadude 1 point2 points ago

  1. I clearly win, unless someone has negative purple links.

[–]jobosno 2 points3 points ago

(Numbers and periods make bullet points)

I redownloaded my browser, I now have no purple links at all.

[–]thenightwassaved 1 point2 points ago

Well, that was excessive.

[–]WhoKnowsWho2 1 point2 points ago

Just clicked on one... Read one line. Left.

[–]hENNIFER 2 points3 points ago

tldr

[–]Probably_Kayak_Porn 6 points7 points ago

The best kind of adventures!

[–]pseudosara 1 point2 points ago

The fact that it's probably kayak porn totally got me. I had to click. Just to be sure.

[–]Champie 3 points4 points ago

Popping isn't bad. I quite enjoy it.

[–]Ronald_McFondlled 2 points3 points ago

ok, i was going to click on /r/nosleep then i saw you also put spacedicks and i figure none of those links are worth my sanity. i already watched that damn korean comic today, NO MORE. i'm gonna have neough nightmares already thank you very much.

[–]Ratiqu 3 points4 points ago

Iirc, /r/nosleep is the least horrific of the lot. It was mostly just creepypasta the one time I was in there, at least.

[–]thatsumoguy07 1 point2 points ago

Yeah I can do /r/nosleep no problem, /r/popping I can do because zits never bothered me, I learned my lesson on /r/spacedicks a long time ago, but /r/Shatter was new......and I regret all

[–]HydrolyticEnzyme 1 point2 points ago

Damnit! Why did you have to remind me of that thing??

[–]btndj 1 point2 points ago

Just thinking about that last one is already making me want to puke

[–]gfixler 1 point2 points ago

And here's a song to listen to while you're there.

[–]DeFex 1 point2 points ago

That guy who's getting dumped might even report back.

[–]sheriff_skullface 13 points14 points ago

Going to bed does not stop a true redditor. There's always lying in the dark, on your smartphone, sobbing as you press refresh on your reddit app of choice.

[–]publ1c_stat1c 6 points7 points ago

Get out of my room...

[–]sheriff_skullface 5 points6 points ago

Turn off your webcam...

[–]TmlzMiso 3 points4 points ago

Welcome backbackbackbackbackback.

[–]edoherty33 0 points1 point ago

I finally won the battle at 1.45am, but this motherfucker got me again.. It's now 5am and I have to work in the morning.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Great, you just reminded me of Skyrim

[–]NotaMethAddict 205 points206 points ago

[–]eonge 0 points1 point ago

[–]wilu 16 points17 points ago

a .gif with sound??

[–]radicalheadphone 19 points20 points ago

I haven't been on Reddit for an hour. This is like a new technology. Anyone else grow a downtime beard? Did Obama win a second term?

[–]Mythodiir 6 points7 points ago

I think it was an oven mitt who won the election. Now we're focusing our tax money on improving heat resistant technology.

[–]Bl00DISH 2 points3 points ago

[–]juaydarito 1 point2 points ago

[–]astrograph 7 points8 points ago

even more important .gif

[–]WorldsTallestMan 1 point2 points ago

Stick to you're shit pizza franchise, Herm.

[–]firepelt 1 point2 points ago

No! Stop! Too. Much. Sadness.

[–]randolama 0 points1 point ago

[–]dontlemmedown 19 points20 points ago

I AM NOT A CAT.

[–]pIIE 24 points25 points ago

Nice try, cat.

[–]Spyrex 2 points3 points ago

Nice try, dog.

[–]Semen-Thrower 17 points18 points ago

this is pathetic

[–]iamesauce -1 points0 points ago

YES, THIS IS DOG.

[–]buttplugpeddler 12 points13 points ago

[–]MinimalisticGlutton 8 points9 points ago

[–]f0etus 9 points10 points ago

[–]memeaddictedchick 4 points5 points ago

Oh god you brought out the big guns! D:

[–]YouListening 2 points3 points ago

Sad Master.

[–]awesomemanftw 1 point2 points ago

When did reddit go down? I've been away for the past few days.

[–]HeezyB 0 points1 point ago

1st world problems

[–]superyellow07 0 points1 point ago

Aww, that is just pitiful!

[–]shownic 63 points64 points ago

[–]TrolltasticLogic 9 points10 points ago

I've seen that .gif floating around for a while, what movie/show is it from?

EDIT: The kids getting shot, not T2.

[–]transformers3 8 points9 points ago

Postal

[–]GeorgeTaylorG 1 point2 points ago

That kid killing scene was the best part of the whole movie.

[–]commandodude1265 8 points9 points ago

Terminator 2 if I remember correctly, it could be the first one.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

It's T2 for sure. The kids getting shot is from another movie though.

[–]jobosno 13 points14 points ago

The Sandlot.

[–]NuclearPotatoes 6 points7 points ago

Laughed too hard, here comes that backed up diahhrea

[–]0ptimal 0 points1 point ago

For the love of god, are you implying you haven't seen Terminator 2?

[–]sheriff_skullface 5 points6 points ago

To be fair, only half of the gif is T2.

[–]TrolltasticLogic 1 point2 points ago

I'm speaking about all the children being shot, not T2.

[–]StreakyChimp 10 points11 points ago

[–]gfixler 1 point2 points ago

I use Ctrl+r.

[–]herseys 14 points15 points ago

PIRATE BAY WAS DOWN AT THE SAME TIME. I was so lost.

[–]cartola 3 points4 points ago

Culmination of multiple things I imagine. Leap second change was today, plus thunder storms in the east coast of US brought down Amazon Web Services, Heroku, a bunch of websites. I presume Reddit's servers are on the west coast but they probably have assets somewhere in the east coast. The downtime was planned though, probably for the leap second adjustment.

PirateBay and other big websites (Apple) were down as well.

[–]IMonCRACK 3 points4 points ago

As was 4chan. I didn't know whether to be grateful or seriously reconsider my life.

[–]VirulentFisher 1 point2 points ago

Its still down for me. :/ Oh well, at least Reddit is back up.

[–]vocaltalentz 27 points28 points ago

First stage: Shock.

Second stage: Denial.

Third stage: Anger.

Final stage: Manly tears.

[–]commandodude1265 16 points17 points ago

[–]IDlOT 2 points3 points ago

Tears of just salt.

[–]sheriff_skullface 2 points3 points ago

Was it only for me that stage 1-3 were anger, and 4 was quiet rage?

[–]thatsumoguy07 2 points3 points ago

Mine went:

First Stage: Shock.

Second Stage: F5

Third Stage: Blame browser, opens another browser.

Fourth Stage: F5 until my fingers bleed

Final Stage: Corner sobbing, looking at my computer like he's touched me wrong.

[–]TemetNosce 10 points11 points ago

/r/bitchaboutreddit Yep, It exists.

[–]MasterYI 19 points20 points ago

I thought that was SRS.

[–]sheriff_skullface 1 point2 points ago

that would be /r/bitchaboutredditors

[–]red321red321 15 points16 points ago

pretty sure everyone took a nice, long fap break and used their tears as lube. that's what i did during the reddit outtage.

[–]shaker28 3 points4 points ago

I couldn't because I was at work, which meant I actually had to work. It was complete and utter bullshit and I demand Conde Nast gives me recompense.

[–]DrPrick 0 points1 point ago

Naturally

[–]jamurp 0 points1 point ago

I did this. Except the downtime was too long, by the end I had my own cumbox.

[–]typicaldel 2 points3 points ago

[–]Inherited_Cacti 3 points4 points ago

Reddit went down?

[–]HouseOfHouse 4 points5 points ago

I was going to go outside but Reddit came back online just as i was about to leave. I nearly made it outside, it looked amazing. Oh well!

[–]JointKeefofstaff 2 points3 points ago

A gif that I haven't seen before. A post title that I can relate to. A+ excellent post.

[–]ShortNeckGiraffe 2 points3 points ago

I remember it like it was yesterday, I was coloring my hair, and I figured I'd sit down to some nice reddit while the color developed- and to my horror...DOWNTIME.

[–]MightyNooblet 2 points3 points ago

[–]gilbertgrappa 2 points3 points ago

I know that feel, bro.

[–]millionsofmonkeys 2 points3 points ago

I was on the edge of my seat trying to see if my sex dice made top post. /firstworldproblems.

[–]demon1255 2 points3 points ago

It wasn't until Reddit went down that I realized I don't do much on the internet besides surf this damn website. I was lost. I hate this place but I can't leave.

[–]mstrblaster 2 points3 points ago

Played some Civ5 during the downtime, then realized I could create new "Internet" (-2 production, +5 happiness) and "Reddit" (-5 production, +10 happiness) tech using the Steam Workshop and have my Reddit fix this way! :)

[–]Naoki901 2 points3 points ago

You should have posted this instead, it would have gave you more karma.

[–]li7liquid 1 point2 points ago

[–]inferno272 1 point2 points ago

i tried clicking on the banana but it linked to imgur and i gave up

[–]ItsAWhaleItsAvail 1 point2 points ago

As if my day wasn't bad enough.

[–]DominicDom 1 point2 points ago

I didn't get a notice of any downtime at all. I've been browsing 3 hours straight

[–]mnch 1 point2 points ago

The sad part is... This is true

[–]FrontRowSteve 1 point2 points ago

My sentiments exactly. Can't sleep until I get my reddit fix. Shoutout to all the loners refreshing reditt on Saturday night.

[–]Nolon 1 point2 points ago

exactly I almost jumped off a bridge.

[–]nukedorbit 1 point2 points ago

My first thought was, "My phone has become a expensive paperweight."

[–]OniTan 1 point2 points ago

Checks other websites. Turns on television

[–]TOAST2218 1 point2 points ago

yes because all of us are black

[–]jamurp 1 point2 points ago

It seems I missed the downtime as I was sleeping, yay for living in Australia!

[–]TitaniumAirship 1 point2 points ago

Confirming for Australia.

Waking up to that was horrifying.

[–]skeezo 1 point2 points ago

There was downtime?

[–]Oosterhuis 1 point2 points ago

I am leaving this gif on loop until this small black child has shed a teer for every one of us.

[–]emohipster 1 point2 points ago

I couldn't even remember what I did before reddit. I just sat there, staring at the maintenance page.

[–]RiNgO70 1 point2 points ago

MFW There's no more Purple drank in the fridge.

[–]Arx0s 3 points4 points ago

Not really. I spent the time building a bitchin' mansion in Sims 3.

[–]Innfuryating 2 points3 points ago

So we all temporarily became black?

[–]996097 1 point2 points ago

Sad, sad black people, just temporarily though.

[–]DISREPUTABLE 1 point2 points ago

I don't normally panic without human contact, But when I do Its because I can't virtually interact with them.

[–]MisterTactful 1 point2 points ago

There I was, Forever AloningTM on a Saturday night, thinking life wasn't so bad because at least I could explore the far reaches of Reddit and feel like I was doing something fun.

And then Reddit goes down.

Life changes, man. I need to make some life changes....

[–]zemonstaaa 1 point2 points ago

Even worse, I was looking for reddit articles on how to cure loneliness. Furthermore, I live in a party central neighbourhood and all I can hear is laughter and drinks clinking.

[–]allodude 1 point2 points ago

I like the implication that we kept checking back and crying a single tear.

[–]xaviiUT 1 point2 points ago

I hope this isn't footage from a real disaster.

[–]AJuicyMelon 1 point2 points ago

Am I the only one who can't see the stupid imgur links? It just broke all of a sudden for me...

[–]venomouse 1 point2 points ago

I was forced to engage in conversation with my wife. I feel so dirty, must scrub myself

[–]xXD347HXx 1 point2 points ago

I actually did cry when Reddit was down. That's how fucking sad my life has become.

[–]zemonstaaa 1 point2 points ago

Are you feeling better now? Remember, Reddit cares for you, even though it goes down on a Saturday night.

[–]ixregardo 1 point2 points ago

I know that feel, friend :( internet love for you.

[–]awesomemanftw 1 point2 points ago

How long was it down?

[–]MercurialMithras 0 points1 point ago

You can make sure that no redditor will ever have to go hours without new cat pictures. All it takes is a few pennies.

[–]britta 0 points1 point ago

I honestly did actually cry. But it was a combination of things not working that did it. Fuck Netflix.

[–]BeastModeYouBeezy 0 points1 point ago

I went out and played baseball during the downtime. It was awesome. It was like the days before I knew about this website... I did things... Fun things.... Outside things.

[–]tellamahooka 0 points1 point ago

I was expecting him to turn toward the camera, very slowly smile, and then for text to appear reading "Hermain Cain 2012".

[–]n3v3r_3n0u9h 0 points1 point ago

I actually went back to work, now I can start slacking off again!

[–]humfuzz 0 points1 point ago

But this was you when you realized you could post this and reap the karma, right?

[–]milleribsen 0 points1 point ago

there was an outage? I guess that's the bonus of being sick and literally sleeping all day (I woke up at 6:00pm local time, and still wanted to be sleeping, I'm forcing myself awake right now)

[–]feor1300 0 points1 point ago

actually, I just clicked the Imgur banana and continued to browse amusing pictures to my heart's content.

[–]ognut 0 points1 point ago

for me it was like when I check my missed calls after not having my phone for a day and reminding myself that im foreveralone: still the same amount of karma

[–]evanman69 0 points1 point ago

4chan down. piratebay down. then reddit. WTF?

[–]didoty 0 points1 point ago

I'm on my phone and I thought my account got deleted or something cause it wouldn't let me log on and I was just freaking out.

[–]DeFex 0 points1 point ago

Doesn't anyone else have a homer Simpson dippy bird pecking the f5 key?

[–]TheFern33 0 points1 point ago

pls....reddit pls. look reddit teers.

[–]CokeCanNinja 0 points1 point ago

I made a downtime banana and was really proud of it, even took a picture of it with my cat, but I got no upvotes. :(

[–]Zanchbot 0 points1 point ago

I was so bored I even went to 9gag. I'll never get that 30 seconds of my life back.

[–]stylinghead 0 points1 point ago

i went and looked at digg for the first time in a couple years. what. . what. . why do people go there?

[–]VonBrewskie 0 points1 point ago

I didn't realize there had been downtime. This...infographic...my god. I'm lighting so much incense for everyone. I think I better make rice. Love you guys. Smoke weed, if you do. Let's reconnect.

[–]Frankenbella 0 points1 point ago

Being in Australia woke up to find now reddit :( glad now back :)

[–]thegreattrun 0 points1 point ago

I was forced to leave the house.

[–]BatmansTaint 0 points1 point ago

I was so bored I watched a documentary, caught up on some homework and cooked a great lunch.

[–]ElRed_ 0 points1 point ago

There was down time...? Did I bypass the horrid disease?

[–]sylar0214 0 points1 point ago

bah imgur is down for me now

[–]DrRedApple 0 points1 point ago

ha! i was sound asleep during all this :)

[–]Post_op_FTM 0 points1 point ago

soooooooooooooooooooo true! LOLOLOLOL

[–]Geezer_Spud 0 points1 point ago

reddits down....still better then 9gag

[–]Starship_X_Muffin 0 points1 point ago

As Adele's someone like you plays...

[–]ballsohard1990 0 points1 point ago

I'm seriously loling because this is just too true.

[–]big_ol_boners 0 points1 point ago

When did I become black?

[–]Stalked_Like_Corn 0 points1 point ago

When did this happen? I think i missed it (thankfully as it pisses me off when they are down. Not at them, just, what the fuck did i used to do before Reddit... oh yeah... digg..... shiver)

[–]denara 0 points1 point ago

Ok forgive me, but what's the story with this down time? I think there was a moment when I randomly tried to load a reedit thread in my app and nothing came up, at around 7pm CDT. Then other stuff came up and now it seems to be working. Something exciting or just east coast host server issues?

[–]claytonhulme 0 points1 point ago

Imgur is still down....so how is it fixed? Reddit still isn't working right.

[–]carnevoodoo 0 points1 point ago

I had to have sex with my wife! Damn you, Reddit.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

More likely staring at the screen as if brain dead.

[–]thisperson123 0 points1 point ago

None of the links are loading for me. Sad face...

[–]TheMadHatter_9 0 points1 point ago

Actually I went on 4chan to see what that was, said, WTF is this bullcrap? Then I went on 9gag to see what that was and was like... hahaha this is funny... wait... what is this? Who is this guy? What the hell? HEY I SAW ALL THIS ON REDDIT. And... now I'm back.

[–]u83rmensch 0 points1 point ago

we're all black kids?

[–]elkins9293 0 points1 point ago

I was thinking more like this.

[–]IplayTheGuitarBetter 0 points1 point ago

Queue "In the arms of an angel"

[–]Jessicaquinn 0 points1 point ago

I thought it was my Internet connection. I'm glad it wasn't.

[–]masterx25 0 points1 point ago

I just go to sleep, even when downtime is in the afternoon.

[–]gr3nade 0 points1 point ago

HAH, I was fine during the downtime. I played Binding of Issac and beat mom's heart for the first time (got the game yesterday). Then I went and worked out. Now if neither of those things worked out I still have a backup plan for when reddit goes down, PORN, or youtube, whichever manages to catch my attention first.

[–]Couldntstoplaughing 0 points1 point ago

In the eye's of an Angel

[–]Myflyisbreezy 0 points1 point ago

4chan was down too :(

[–]Ice_Wrath 0 points1 point ago

I was expecting a list of porn sites.

[–]anonymousalex 0 points1 point ago

I had no power until about an hour ago, so I read a book by candlelight until 10 then went to bed.

[–]chunkinpumpkins 0 points1 point ago

I was forced to spend time with my daughter. Actually went well....we are running a awesome prank......

[–]2540 0 points1 point ago

Hah! Finally polished my car.

Ran out of excuses...

[–]hipstergrandpa 0 points1 point ago

i was definitely not this calm

[–]BackApple 0 points1 point ago

This gif will soon be used on a World Famine ad.

[–]ninjaturrtle 0 points1 point ago

Pretty accurate. Except you forgot the part where I forgot what else I could do on the Internet do I played space cadet pinball

[–]Mcdoofus 0 points1 point ago

And we make sure people SEE that tear, dammit! No passive aggressive crying in the corner.

[–]laportez 0 points1 point ago

Victim after the last case of grape soda was drank.

[–]srmgnlm 0 points1 point ago

It feels like you just made me laugh at something I shouldn't really laugh at...

...thousands of helpless, starving redditors...

[–]sydneygamer 0 points1 point ago

Don't you just love being that one guy that missed the downtime? Oh, what am I saying. Of course you don't. Because that one guy was me bitches.

[–]SirHaxalot 0 points1 point ago

I slept through it

[–]MonkeyButter 0 points1 point ago

I was so desperate I actually went to Digg. Shocking.

[–]angryobbo 0 points1 point ago

Reminds me of this scene from the onion movie.

[–]Alvadr 0 points1 point ago

When I went to bed, reddit was still up.

Uk here

[–]Xeroshifter 0 points1 point ago

I only half read the title before clicking the link and so when I saw the dude crying I was like "Is this some asshole's attempt to envoke my feelings and manipulate me? God damn assholes! Screw this, and Screw the poster too!" Then I saw the title again. and I was like "Lol, ok. I see now. It's k. Upvote for you cause I was being a dick."

[–]starlinguk 0 points1 point ago

What downtime?

[–]Gooorilla 0 points1 point ago

I had my phone on a link's comments prior to the down time and it had stayed on it O^

[–]MarshManOriginal 0 points1 point ago

Wait, when was it down?

[–]scarystuff 0 points1 point ago

There was downtime?

[–]ChloeTheCat753 0 points1 point ago

I knew this was going to happen, the giant shitstorm of reddit being down

[–]Yamil01 0 points1 point ago

In the aarmss of an aangel.

[–]DOMAN127 0 points1 point ago

I don't get it? when was reddit down? It was up the whole time for me!

[–]neondeon25 0 points1 point ago

LOL! Daddy still has a Flat Top.