this post was submitted on
710 points (59% like it)
2,319 up votes 1,609 down votes

funny

subscribe2,391,176 readers

19,047 users here now

PLEASE, No posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 85 comments

[–]Itsmiroki 64 points65 points ago

Not like you had a chance anyway.

[–]amolad 11 points12 points ago

When does the hot girl at the party NOT have a boyfriend?

[–]Cynique 1 point2 points ago

Sometimes she has a girlfriend instead.

[–]knowone572 14 points15 points ago

pussy

[–]kast13 6 points7 points ago

OP is beta as fuck.

[–]ScottCarmichael 1 point2 points ago

Hot girls always have boyfriends. You're only chance at nabbing a hot girl is:

  • Be rich

  • Be better looking than them

  • Start dating them while you're both in K-12 (or in college even, before she knows her options), that way you are heavy into a relationship before she hits her 20s.

[–]Mitz510 1 point2 points ago

K-6

Hot girls start dating around the 6th or 7th grade.

[–]TmlzMiso -3 points-2 points ago

A shot or two...maybe 5 might do the trick.

[–]randomboredom 2 points3 points ago

5? Are you sure you're not firing rounds off into a fish tank?

[–]TmlzMiso 0 points1 point ago

You don't want to incapacitate the person that's just sick.

[–]Minty_Face 7 points8 points ago

I upvoted because I like the Emperor's New Groove... That is all.

[–]pbaydari 19 points20 points ago

I am surprised that this movie does not get more love on Reddit.

[–]GLM_30 1 point2 points ago

I agree... I think this is one of my all time favourite films from when I was younger.

[–]chinkostu 6 points7 points ago

The kronk theme song gets me every time. Amazing film.

[–]Sabojik 1 point2 points ago

The game, man. I remember picking that shit up in an FYE back when FYE was still relevant, and it was fucking great. Last year, I played it again, and it was still fucking great.

[–]Kalahan6 1 point2 points ago

Good job not mentioning the movie you are talking about! :)

...

Seriously, what movie?

[–]FaKeShAdOw 7 points8 points ago

Emperor's New Groove.

Also turned into a tv show for a while.

[–]Kalahan6 0 points1 point ago

Thanks!

[–]Riddla26 6 points7 points ago

With the voices of David Spade and John Goodman. It's probably one of the last decent films Disney have made.

[–]FaKeShAdOw 0 points1 point ago

It became unpopular after a while, not entirely sure why. Maybe all those fast food toys and the show afterwards got on people's nerves too.

[–]tronn4 0 points1 point ago

All the Pixar movies came out. The hand drawn stuff was considered pase.

[–]Scandinavian_Flick 11 points12 points ago

LLAMA FACE

[–]Bean-Counter 16 points17 points ago

Well, it's not EVERYONE'S reaction...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXEUltZvJKs

[–]mariner42 1 point2 points ago

Oh, that is so excellent!

[–]fece 2 points3 points ago

Great :D

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

I laughed so hard at this I was crying, thankyou for postin it and making my day sir!!

[–]Jonny_Stranger 0 points1 point ago

It's a short-lived british show called Snuffbox. Brilliantly funny scenes mixed with bizarre and uncomfortable skits like Le Pee fashion designs featuring, well, uncomfortably large pee stains.

[–]Secret4gentMan 9 points10 points ago

Not to blow your mind or anything, but its a pretty common lie girls will tell just so they can be left alone. However upvoted for TENG gif :)

[–]dissapointedorikface 2 points3 points ago

Man, I miss that movie so much. The last time I watched it, no one decided on what they wanted to put on in the background of a party, so they decided on that. Fuck the party, I watched that shit.

[–]moarscience 8 points9 points ago

Don't worry! I'm sure there are thousands of hot singles in your area!

[–]TheFightWithin 2 points3 points ago

Come on don't be such a drama lama...@

[–]Babblerabla 2 points3 points ago

Hot girls are never single for long...

[–]sqazm 4 points5 points ago

I too have a pity party when I can't get what I want.

[–]TheoQ99 1 point2 points ago

So? Go for the only mildly attractive girls. Hot girl probably isnt what you actually desire.

[–]l34512 3 points4 points ago

/r/reactiongifs

Really, wrong subreddit.

[–]onemoreclick 0 points1 point ago

Yes and filtering subreddits don't work when people post in the wrong ones.

[–]AnalogDigit2 2 points3 points ago

Dude, all hot girls have boyfriends. Some of them just have placeholder boyfriends. That is a guy who is primarily there so that they can say they have a boyfriend to guys they are not interested in.

[–]ikirod 0 points1 point ago

Yes. This is correct.

[–]schwinnclub 0 points1 point ago

I thought it would be a picture of mashed potatoes.

[–]necromundus 0 points1 point ago

I too turn into a wet llama.

[–]captaincupcake234 0 points1 point ago

I find this out at most Reddit meetups...but that still doesn't stop me from hitting on them.

[–]Cynique 0 points1 point ago

When you find out the hot girl at a party is a lesbian... I actually loved taking my super hot stepsister to a party yesterday and seeing the looks in all the guys faces when my stepsister told them, one by one, she was a lesbian, after flirting with them. Priceless.

[–]Arcaas 0 points1 point ago

Of only guys actually respected monogamous relationships on most cases.

[–]the_learner 0 points1 point ago

An upvote exclusively for the use of The Emperor's New Groove. Childhood...

[–]ohyeahthatguy 0 points1 point ago

who gives a shit?

[–]jebus08 0 points1 point ago

Nice Try Bones

[–]Glycian 0 points1 point ago

When I go to a party, I only talk to the hottest girl, i take her to the side, kiss her gently. Then I go off on my own for a while, talk to other people. Come back to the hottest girl later on, she takes me aside; we make out. I take her back to my place, then she farts on my dick. True story. I love my girlfriend.

[–]PenguinMan27 0 points1 point ago

Fuck that, just because there is a goalie doesn't mean you cant score. "No excuses, Play like a champion."

[–]rgliszin 0 points1 point ago

the ones with bfs are the easiest in my opinion...

[–]DirtyLittleSmith 0 points1 point ago

LAMA FACE!!! Nooooooo... LAMA!!! FAAAAAACE!!!

[–]bestfriendz 0 points1 point ago

Bummer man, you were totes gonna get laid otherwise!!!1!

sux brah

[–]Entity101 0 points1 point ago

Respond with "that's cool, i have a gold fish." at that point she should go "??? wha?" you- "oh, I'm sorry, i thought we were talking about shit that doesn't matter"

[–]Dan32992 0 points1 point ago

Don't cry just tell her you just saw him making out with another woman, and she should get him back by making ou with you.

[–]neckbeard_assassin 0 points1 point ago

Simply leave, or set standards to "low" & break out the beer goggles.

[–]jimmysprunt -3 points-2 points ago

Just because there's a goalie in the net..doesn't mean you can't score

[–]Boltsfan55 6 points7 points ago

You sir, are an asshole.

[–]HereForCOD 1 point2 points ago

Perhaps but if the goalie lets him in she need to GTFO the team.

[–]marswithrings 1 point2 points ago

if she cheated with you, she will cheat on you. that is an absolutely horrible way to start a relationship, your complete and utter lack of respect for whoever she is currently with aside.

[–]GengarWithATriforce 0 points1 point ago

Personally, I would have been surprised if she didn't have a boyfriend.

[–]aydogdu21 0 points1 point ago

I love this film. Also, trüe.

[–]PhilbertMcFilibuster -1 points0 points ago

Boyfriend/fiance/husband/whatever, you still have a chance. Just ask my ex-wife.

[–]LlamaForceTrauma 0 points1 point ago

OH! Looks like someone got PhilbertMcFiliBUSTED! Amirite? Up top! o/

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]naytaz -1 points0 points ago

the wisest words I've ever read

[–]speedonthis -2 points-1 points ago

Clearly this was posted by a beta male, alpha male would have posted this instead.

[–]Fearlessleader85 -2 points-1 points ago

She might have a goldfish, too. But these are things that don't matter.

[–]TheFightWithin -1 points0 points ago

Co

[–]M0b1u5 -1 points0 points ago

The manly ones among us, either don't give a shit, and continue hitting on her, or simply move along to the next best looking chick.

This is distinct from pathetic, panty-wearing, girly men, who sob like a little girl when they don't get everything they want.

Grow up. Be a man. Stop being so utterly fucking pathetic.

[–]magikarpKO -5 points-4 points ago

Come on guys, unless he is one of your bros, boyfriends don't matter. If you make the girl see you are better than her bf, she will make the switch. Unless he's rich and you're broke. In that case don't even try.

[–]j05huaMc -2 points-1 points ago

Don't be depressed. Every hot girl has a boyfriend

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Darth_Remus 6 points7 points ago

You're a dick.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Its_Be_A_Spork 7 points8 points ago

Sorry all I heard was "Blah blah, internet lies blah blah, I need more hot pockets mom."

Any guy who has actually known anything about women knows that ball size doesn't matter.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Paranoidexboyfriend 3 points4 points ago

You must have quite the glamorous life that you feel the need to prove it to random dudes you think are losers on the internet. I used to bang chicks with boyfriends, now I realize thats a shitty thing to do, there's plenty of hot single women out there too

[–]Babblerabla 0 points1 point ago

I bet you use all that charm you have on the ladies.

[–]ChopandChange -3 points-2 points ago

Who doesn't love a challenge?

[–]TrinityDejavu -3 points-2 points ago

Polyamory <83