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2034
2035

Told the pizza guy to 'fuck this bitch up with bacon'. His response: 'I'm gonna murder that motherfucker with bacon'. (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by good_morning_magpie

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[–]RaichuALoveS0ng 362 points363 points ago

Guess I'll be the one to ask, what pizza place?

[–]Renegade917 386 points387 points ago

Pizza fucking Planet. Their cups and burger boxes walk around on their own, though. Trippy stuff.

[–]Reliox 94 points95 points ago

Yeah and i have been hearing weird noises around their claw machine

[–]ProtoKun7 75 points76 points ago

oooooOOOOOooo!

[–]Jesstice_League 133 points134 points ago

THE CLAAAAWWW.

[–]CargoCulture 21 points22 points ago

THE CLAW DECIDES WHO WILL STAY AND WHO WILL GO

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    [–]Be_A_Human 106 points107 points ago

    Thats nonsense, they're just toys.. T-O-Y.. toys.

    [–]jaggy_roundy 4 points5 points ago

    We toys can see everything.

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      [–]love_4_sale 168 points169 points ago

      No one tell him. He doesn't deserve to know.

      [–]JoshMachines 37 points38 points ago

      What about me?

      [–]bobothetwit 38 points39 points ago

      Someone could PM it to you, if you're certain you need to know.

      [–]arcainic 12 points13 points ago

      I need to know, pm me the location of this pizzaria. I believe in divine intervention now.

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          [–]wombatlesbians 43 points44 points ago

          http://tittiesnbacon.com/ *NSFW youre all welcome

          [fixed]

          [–]bobothetwit 13 points14 points ago

          Wat.

          [–]wombatlesbians 10 points11 points ago

          Or http://boobsandbacon.blogspot.com

          [–]JDMcWombat 7 points8 points ago

          Boobs, bacon, and another wombat(s)?

          [–]cookie_42 2 points3 points ago

          I read the name, but I just wasn't prepared for what was to come...

          [–]Chaosrains 2 points3 points ago

          I... I don't know where to look first...

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            [–]thepeterjohnson 7 points8 points ago

            The one in heaven.

            [–]andiepandie10 19 points20 points ago

            Pizza Parlor

            [–]Pool_Shark 15 points16 points ago

            I don't know, but I hate pizza places that cut it like that. I am a 8 triangular slices guy.

            [–]PLKnight 38 points39 points ago

            It looks like thin crust. A lot of places "party cut" thin crust pizzas because the regular "pie cut" tends to result in really floppy slices with thin crust. So, it's really a structural integrity thing.

            [–]Pool_Shark 11 points12 points ago

            That is why you have to make the crust extra crispy.

            Look at this yummy morsel:http://newyorkstreetfood.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/image001.jpg

            [–]PLKnight 33 points34 points ago

            http://i.imgur.com/s7d7A.gif

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                  [–]guy_who_faps_to_bees 2 points3 points ago

                  Hi, i was the guy who he ordered the pizza from. It was daves pizza shack in downtown chicago on 17th and k street. we get tons of oreders like this its actually one of our specialties.

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                    [–]hpc321 44 points45 points ago

                    Pizza maker here where I come from that's double bacon. I have a guy that orders 3x cheese 3x pep. I murder that shit.

                    [–]Cereal_Grapist 21 points22 points ago

                    I must see this...

                    [–]donttouchmyfeet 19 points20 points ago

                    I must eat this

                    FTFY

                    [–]exbtard 7 points8 points ago

                    Please deliver picture of this

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                      [–]Farris1495 1045 points1046 points ago

                      And we then later find out that OP's job is to make pizza.

                      [–]SrsSteel 297 points298 points ago

                      Seriously, every time I try to make a request it gets ignored so hard :\

                      [–]DreadPiratesRobert 311 points312 points ago

                      Probably because the people who take your order at most fast food pizza places have little control over that, they normally just put it in the computer and someone else makes it

                      There is no "Murder this motherfucker with bacon" option

                      Try ordering one at like, 1 am

                      [–]SrsSteel 86 points87 points ago

                      Online it gives you the option for special requests o:

                      [–]DreadPiratesRobert 154 points155 points ago

                      Special requests are supposed to be more along the line of "Bring it out back" or "deliver to lifeguard" stuff like that, not give me stuff for free

                      [–]EquityDiversity 238 points239 points ago

                      As a delivery guy, let me respond to this with ... be specific when you say around back and to where. Shady special directions have a tendency to put a driver on edge.

                      [–]snoharm 241 points242 points ago

                      "Around the side of the house, you will see a willow tree. Circle it twice. Follow the pattern that forms in the grass to the grove in the forest. Wait twelve seconds, then sit. You will find me."

                      [–]funkpandemic 143 points144 points ago

                      "I will come to you in a dream."

                      [–]Space_Ranger 20 points21 points ago

                      Jim Morrison came to me in a dream once. He told me to put on a rock concert.

                      [–]donkeybrainsify 17 points18 points ago

                      Jim Morrison came on me in a dream once. He told me to keep it on my face.

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                            [–]alphazero924 84 points85 points ago

                            "Bring it around back. To the shed. Tell no one."

                            [–]EquityDiversity 22 points23 points ago

                            I did have one special request that completely fucked with me. It was something like "Behind the bowling alley, through the shed door."

                            After the delivery I found out the door to the upstairs apartment buildings over the bowling alley greatly resembled a shed door.

                            [–]Pilotted 40 points41 points ago

                            I always think of this xkcd when I get weird directions for delivery.

                            [–]analogorithm 23 points24 points ago

                            I remember one time I had a guy tell me to deliver to the end of the train tracks. I thought he was insane, but when I pulled up to the area he blew the air horn on his train engine and I came over and gave him his food.

                            The best, however, was on april fool's day. We put in a delivery order with the pizza shops address and sent the new girl out to deliver it. It took her about five minutes to figure it out, after she left. When she got back to the shop we were all laughing our asses off, including a few customers who got clued in to the joke when all the employees were staring out the front window laughing.

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                              [–]spazmodic- 140 points141 points ago

                              "BRING CHANGE FOR $500"

                              [–]SentientPenguin 19 points20 points ago

                              What, have you got a $500 bill?

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                                [–]MYDOGSTELLA 1283 points1284 points ago

                                "Drop it in the rape hole"

                                [–]RhymeAndReason 147 points148 points ago

                                God, I want to upvote you so hard.

                                [–]srry72 196 points197 points ago

                                Be gentle

                                [–]MartMillz 100 points101 points ago

                                It's his first time.

                                [–]IAmNotAPerson6 82 points83 points ago

                                Honestly, fuck you. My family's asleep and I'm trying to keep quiet, then you make me burst out laughing.

                                [–]h0p3less 32 points33 points ago

                                I'm on a crowded coach bus and almost everyone is asleep. Which only made it harder.

                                [–]AphoticSketch 66 points67 points ago

                                I'm in work in a quiet office. You ever laugh so hard and try to cover it that you start crying? Yeah, that just happened.

                                EDIT: I get excited sometimes and bash the keyboard like donkey kong resulting in prematurely sending my comment half wa

                                [–]Moses2112 16 points17 points ago

                                Made what harder?

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                                    [–]Zelcron 40 points41 points ago

                                    I deliver appliances. "It's the blue house" means nothing. NOTHING!

                                    [–]ashleypenny 2 points3 points ago

                                    Surely that just narrows it down from the zip, street and house number? Seems fairly Hard to fuck up

                                    [–]boon420 36 points37 points ago

                                    My go-to line was "Knock cautiously"

                                    [–]miparasito 68 points69 points ago

                                    Come alone. No police.

                                    [–]linlorienelen 64 points65 points ago

                                    "Send a lady."

                                    [–]DreadPiratesRobert 19 points20 points ago

                                    Yeah, I was a CSR, never did any driving, listen to this guy

                                    The only special instructions I ever had were deliver to lifeguard, so my pizza didn't get delivered to some guy while I was working

                                    [–]kaizn 23 points24 points ago

                                    Stop when you hear the bee hive.

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                                      [–]SrsSteel 34 points35 points ago

                                      "Draw on my box" and stuff like that are more along the lines of my requests

                                      [–]DreadPiratesRobert 35 points36 points ago

                                      Yeah but that is not what corporate intended it for, and if they are getting slammed (during dinner hour) you are not getting that request fulfilled

                                      [–]nixonrichard 19 points20 points ago

                                      I dunno. Domino's really tried to make the personal interaction with the chef, even for comedic requests, part of the draw (pun intended).

                                      [–]DreadPiratesRobert 15 points16 points ago

                                      I worked at Dominos, if it's dinner hour we aren't doing it, we are supposed to sign the Artisan boxes but if we are getting slammed we aren't doing that either

                                      [–]nixonrichard 56 points57 points ago

                                      But, but that commercial shows smiling employees casually serving their customers with care and consideration, and viewing the live comment feed on the website.

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                                          [–]Shawnyall 17 points18 points ago

                                          My brother uses it to say stupid shit to them like, "Sometimes I pee with my pants up."

                                          As a matter of fact, that was the "special request" the last couple of times we ordered from Dominos.

                                          [–]IAmYourTopGuy 12 points13 points ago

                                          There's a note on the website I use that says, "Any requests that would normally cost money, like extra toppings or sauces, will add to your total charge."

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                                            [–]EmperorXenu 12 points13 points ago

                                            Yeah, but you can't request things that would cost money. Some online ordering lets you put in a number for individual toppings, so you could do this by getting like 4 toppings of bacon.

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                                              [–]myeleventhaccount 6 points7 points ago

                                              At the place I worked at, there was a list of normal things like double toppings, less toppings, ect, and then there was a place to type in specific directions for any given item. Those directions were seen on the monitor that showed the orders to be made and were seperate from the delivery directions.

                                              [–]daroon 46 points47 points ago

                                              Every pizza establishment needs an option that says "Murder this motherfucker with a shit-ton of bacon." I'm serious. I'll pay the extra $whatever.

                                              [–]DreadPiratesRobert 13 points14 points ago

                                              Ask for quadruple bacon

                                              I know it's not as awesome, but you will probably get what you want

                                              You can also order bacon on the side and ask them to just put it on top (to get more than quadruple) but you probably have to be on the phone to do this

                                              [–]NihilistDandy 11 points12 points ago

                                              Was going to downvote for using a PHP variable, then I realized that my job is terrible. ಥ_ಥ

                                              EDIT: Derp. Should have been on the parent.

                                              [–]walesmd 4 points5 points ago

                                              Was going to downvote for replying to the wrong comment, but then realized you're still new around these parts.

                                              [–]Demgar 2 points3 points ago

                                              Can I have some baconbacon please?

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                                                  [–]perfektstranger 2 points3 points ago

                                                  I wrote "Make the crust crispy as a mofo" on my order to Toppers. They did a pretty good job, and the delivery guy relayed that it was indeed crispy as a mofo.

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                                                    [–][deleted] 70 points71 points ago

                                                    TWIST: Farris1495 is actually OP's real account and posted to get the hivemind's karma while fake OP account gets Karma.

                                                    [–]express123 90 points91 points ago

                                                    AS A MENTAL PATIENT ON SHUTTER ISLAND!!

                                                    [–]express123 45 points46 points ago

                                                    WHY ARE WE YELLING!?!!

                                                    [–]express123 50 points51 points ago

                                                    because it's fucking 2 in the morning and I have insomnia

                                                    [–]andycandu 32 points33 points ago

                                                    I like this interacti-waaaait a minute

                                                    [–]handmethatkitten 10 points11 points ago

                                                    i start considering it insomnia around 5.

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                                                        [–]PurppleHaze 2 points3 points ago

                                                        http://i.imgur.com/RTgM2.gif

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                                                            [–]mithex 15 points16 points ago

                                                            In that case, the OP will surely deliver.

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                                                              [–]hooizyoo 190 points191 points ago

                                                              Much better than all the stupid posts with people telling the pizza guy to draw stupid shit on the box.

                                                              [–]IronOxide42 111 points112 points ago

                                                              Hey now, mine was one badass dragon.

                                                              [–]BigBearAH 61 points62 points ago

                                                              unfortunately under that magical dragon is a Pizza Hut pizza

                                                              [–]Elquinis 22 points23 points ago

                                                              I find nothing wrong with Pizza Hut pizza.*

                                                              *at least with where I get mine.

                                                              [–]kaden_sotek 4 points5 points ago

                                                              It's not so much that there's anything wrong with Pizza Hut pizza necessarily. You know how a McDonald's burger can taste pretty good, yet it's nowhere near as delicious as a "real" hamburger made by someone who knows what they're doing? Well, Pizza Hut is like the McDonald's of pizza. It's not terrible, but it's just kind of dumbed down to the lowest common denominator.

                                                              [–]Topper_Bottoms 5 points6 points ago

                                                              Pizza Hut follows the same rule of thumb that McDonalds does. If you can't do it right, add salt and fat until it tastes good.

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                                                                  [–]Akiata 5 points6 points ago

                                                                  Badass!

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                                                                    [–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

                                                                    Much.

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                                                                      [–]Chrypnkaplblsmwt 186 points187 points ago

                                                                      I don't know if this will get buried, but I think you got jipped.

                                                                      Here's my bacon pizza from last week.

                                                                      [–]Shitty_FaceSwaps 134 points135 points ago

                                                                      Great job. Now there's no more bacon for the rest of the world. Good going buddy.

                                                                      [–]Chrypnkaplblsmwt 10 points11 points ago

                                                                      haha, sure felt like all the bacon in the world! Both were two topping pizzas. The one on the left was double bacon, and the one on the right was pepperoni with bacon. Both of them were delish!

                                                                      [–]fuckinDEAD 33 points34 points ago

                                                                      Double bacon is my new porn star name

                                                                      [–]Balubber_Mc_Fishsoup 2 points3 points ago

                                                                      All the Bacon in the world...

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                                                                          [–]TinctureOfBadass 22 points23 points ago

                                                                          Fun fact: the term is actually "gypped" and is a slur against gypsies.

                                                                          [–]indefort 9 points10 points ago

                                                                          Yeah, Op's looks like a pretty normal bacon pizza. YOURS looks worthy of bragging.

                                                                          [–]Be_A_Human 6 points7 points ago

                                                                          When Jesus talked about dying for sins, he had nothing on this pig turned pizza topping.

                                                                          [–]iroofiegirls 2 points3 points ago

                                                                          Op got the premium bacon, you got the bacon bits.

                                                                          [–]reposter_ 2 points3 points ago

                                                                          I don't know if this will get buried.

                                                                          Welcome to every post ever on Reddit

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                                                                            [–]simpLL 14 points15 points ago

                                                                            Bacon Pizza, the most delicious of all vegetables.

                                                                            [–]jomofo 40 points41 points ago

                                                                            I tripled my bacon intake when I found out the SCOTUS upheld the healthcare act. We're all in this bitch together now!

                                                                            [–]spankymuffin 5 points6 points ago

                                                                            I believe that was in one of the concurring opinions:

                                                                            "Time to bacon up, bitches!"

                                                                            Just take my word for it. The opinion is long as fuck.

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                                                                              [–][deleted] ago

                                                                              [deleted]

                                                                              [–]gentlemandinosaur 298 points299 points ago

                                                                              Why did I just watch a penis getting hard like 15 times.

                                                                              What does that MEAN?

                                                                              [–]seamouse 206 points207 points ago

                                                                              It means you like science

                                                                              [–]FOR_SClENCE 139 points140 points ago

                                                                              I'm not entirely sure about that.

                                                                              [–]DapperAsFuck 64 points65 points ago

                                                                              Science is sticky.

                                                                              [–][deleted] ago

                                                                              [deleted]

                                                                              [–]drake66 15 points16 points ago

                                                                              Science is hard.

                                                                              [–]Nap-89 5 points6 points ago

                                                                              Dr. Freud?

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                                                                                [–]daroon 11 points12 points ago

                                                                                It means you like bacon

                                                                                [–]gentlemandinosaur 10 points11 points ago

                                                                                Oh, thank god. You are now forever my friend.

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                                                                                  [–]ThatMeansYoureGay 10 points11 points ago

                                                                                  ;)

                                                                                  [–]gentlemandinosaur 3 points4 points ago

                                                                                  Damn it!

                                                                                  [–]PureClass 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                  I don't know, but I think it might be Domino's new ad.

                                                                                  [–]twenafeesh 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                  Pretty sure it means that this post gave red321red321 a bacon boner.

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                                                                                    [–]Djdp24 25 points26 points ago

                                                                                    Ah yes... the Bacon-Boner. I'm all too familiar.

                                                                                    [–]stlunatic15 41 points42 points ago

                                                                                    http://i.imgur.com/z8aig.gif

                                                                                    [–]BunsTown 16 points17 points ago

                                                                                    http://i.imgur.com/uQSgY.gif

                                                                                    [–]splitwheel 38 points39 points ago

                                                                                    dat vasodilation

                                                                                    [–]BlueVixen 13 points14 points ago

                                                                                    Dammit, it's been deleted. Anyone care to post what it was?

                                                                                    [–]aeobeo 38 points39 points ago

                                                                                    http://imgur.com/Tz5Rr

                                                                                    [–]Jealous_Hitler 20 points21 points ago

                                                                                    Dramatic science boner response to bacon overload on a pizza

                                                                                    comedy gold

                                                                                    [–]kCchief207 24 points25 points ago

                                                                                    I just upvoted an erection. Good god what am I doing with my life?

                                                                                    [–]deming 15 points16 points ago

                                                                                    this made my dick feel really weird...

                                                                                    [–]hnlooloo 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                    I'd love to talk to the souls that got to work on making that gem while at work...

                                                                                    [–]PLKnight 13 points14 points ago

                                                                                    You become desensitized fairly quickly. I imagine the animator kept working, looking back at videos of reference, and muttering to himself, "No no no no, dicks don't move like that."

                                                                                    [–]NashtheLion 69 points70 points ago

                                                                                    http://i.imgur.com/MXZNL.gif

                                                                                    [–]IronOxide42 34 points35 points ago

                                                                                    Well played.

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                                                                                      [–]jcmc2112 10 points11 points ago

                                                                                      Discovery channel? what.

                                                                                      [–]JohnnyVNCR 4 points5 points ago

                                                                                      good moooorning. mr maaaagpie. how are you tooodaaaay.

                                                                                      [–]electriophile 8 points9 points ago

                                                                                      I want this as a reverse gif.

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                                                                                        [–]uri_76 214 points215 points ago

                                                                                        It literally took an entire pigs ass to make that pizza

                                                                                        [–]1izombie 181 points182 points ago

                                                                                        Bacon comes from the pork belly but meh.

                                                                                        [–]Shippoyasha 47 points48 points ago

                                                                                        Do they have an official slang for pork geeks?

                                                                                        [–]Kind_Of_A_Dick 114 points115 points ago

                                                                                        Bacongineers.

                                                                                        [–]philpill 137 points138 points ago

                                                                                        Porkitects

                                                                                        [–]nodstar22 103 points104 points ago

                                                                                        Hamthropologist?

                                                                                        [–]miparasito 44 points45 points ago

                                                                                        Pigicists

                                                                                        [–]nodstar22 44 points45 points ago

                                                                                        Boarnithologists

                                                                                        [–]Be_A_Human 52 points53 points ago

                                                                                        Swinetology

                                                                                        [–]kamjanamja 27 points28 points ago

                                                                                        Hogtor

                                                                                        [–]buzzkill_aldrin 8 points9 points ago

                                                                                        Sounds like a cult.

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                                                                                            [–]aeobeo 28 points29 points ago

                                                                                            Pork Dorks

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                                                                                              [–]daroon 13 points14 points ago

                                                                                              dm;hb

                                                                                              [–]yellow_mellow01 3 points4 points ago

                                                                                              With some pigs it's hard to tell where one ends and the other begins!

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                                                                                                  [–]mrglow 36 points37 points ago

                                                                                                  Bacon level: Jewish Kryptonite

                                                                                                  [–]Cruyff14 3 points4 points ago

                                                                                                  Gahhh as a jew that just burned a hole right through my retina!!!

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                                                                                                    [–]Shitty_Pixel_Art 19 points20 points ago

                                                                                                    X_X

                                                                                                    [–]monroseph 9 points10 points ago

                                                                                                    I work at a pizza place, I wish people gave ME cool requests :(

                                                                                                    [–]somedude456 9 points10 points ago

                                                                                                    I use to work at an Apple Bees. When ringing in orders, we could manually type in stuff if there wasn't a button such as "no sauce." One night we got bored and we all started typing in really random stuff It started with stuff like "Cheeseburger, extra bur, easy on the GER." just to confues the chefs. They we started just random quotes and such like, "Flanders, I can see your doodle" or "Rectum, damn near killed them!" We were in tears reading each others while they types them in. We would then hear the line cooks start laughing 30 seconds later. It was all fun and games will the night manager walked onto the line to help the cooked and suddenly said WTF! He didn't find all our antics very funny. :(

                                                                                                    [–]chatzimcfee 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                    Deliver a pizza all the way to Connecticut for me. By unicycle. Also, be wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket, to make it cool. And make it free with heaps of bacon, and a pinch of ham.

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                                                                                                      [–]keyboarder[!] 8 points9 points ago

                                                                                                      sigh was trying to eat healthy got no choice now to go get pizza

                                                                                                      [–]MaidenLane 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                      I was sitting here eating carrots to try and help lose weight. I really should not have clicked this link.

                                                                                                      [–]victoriarosehh 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                      If you just had one piece plus salad, you'll be good. It's when you go for 4 pieces and a soda that f's you up.

                                                                                                      [–]MathewMurdock 22 points23 points ago

                                                                                                      Needs more bacon.

                                                                                                      [–]Angry__Jonny 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                                      ya I still see cheese.

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                                                                                                        [–]MyPeadyPie 107 points108 points ago

                                                                                                        It was glorious until I noticed the square cut slices...I feel like I just watched someone piss on the Mona Lisa.

                                                                                                        [–]an_illiterate_ox 11 points12 points ago

                                                                                                        For real, everyone knows spiral cut fits the bun much better.

                                                                                                        [–]turtlekitty30 14 points15 points ago

                                                                                                        Isn't pizza in St. Louis cut this way?

                                                                                                        [–]cavitycreep 16 points17 points ago

                                                                                                        St. Louisian here. Imo's Pizza cuts their's exclusively into squares. The other chain stores don't, but they will on request.

                                                                                                        [–]genna_TALL_warts 16 points17 points ago

                                                                                                        Thanks for respecting some St. Louis style. Kirkwood here.

                                                                                                        Some pizza is better is squares.

                                                                                                        [–]nemo_12 8 points9 points ago

                                                                                                        "omg square pizza! I bet someone will mention—"

                                                                                                        "omg St. Louis! better upvote this whole—"

                                                                                                        "FUCK YEAH KIRKWOOD THAT'S WHAT'S UP"

                                                                                                        [–]PalmerKid 6 points7 points ago

                                                                                                        I've had Imo's a few times; really good pizza. I think they use more than one kind of cheese, too.

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                                                                                                            [–]Frinion 49 points50 points ago

                                                                                                            Whoa, whoa there. Square pizza is delish, albeit a bit odd for a round dough

                                                                                                            [–]UltimateForm 19 points20 points ago

                                                                                                            Delish.

                                                                                                            [–]Narcosist 39 points40 points ago

                                                                                                            delish (adj.) - Similar to, or having the properties of, Del the Funky Homosapien

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                                                                                                                [–]Dat_Black_Guy 24 points25 points ago

                                                                                                                As a papa johns delivery driver ( i make the pizza's too when im waiting on a run ) i gotta say the pizza game these days is god-damn pitiful...our damn supply truck comes every week, an 9 times outta ten, we aint got no room (black man grammar) to put half the shit, yet ...the constantly texting , never working girls they got on the make-line, apply toppings like we have to ration food in a zombie apoc....im constantly look at these pizza likes...you sure this is a pepperoni pizza, cuz i cant count the ammount of pepperoni on one danm hand

                                                                                                                also, i like to use my discount, an scoop a large pizza for about 6 bucks from time to time, they said stuff like, sure man, ill make for ya in just a sec, an i say the same thing back

                                                                                                                FUCK THAT

                                                                                                                i go back there an make that shit myself, and it looks like that all the time...EVERY FUCKING SINGLE TIME, that's how a pizza is supposed to be

                                                                                                                when im taking phone orders, an some guy goes, : hey , man can you add extra ham....i give him ham like its his last meal god danmit

                                                                                                                [–]jen4k2 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                                                As the wife of a pizza guy... if you tip well, they'll remember you and be your bacon hookup.

                                                                                                                [–]adaniel28 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                                I wish there was a way to measure the uptick in people that called in in the next 24 hours and asked for a pizza to be fucked up by bacon.

                                                                                                                [–]ognut 6 points7 points ago

                                                                                                                more like hamicide, amirite?

                                                                                                                [–]DoubleUKayG 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                                I don't find it a coincidence that the image url is 'HITza'.

                                                                                                                [–]dluksa 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                                Epic Meal Time doesn't have shit on this bacon.

                                                                                                                [–]lungbuttersandwich 4 points5 points ago

                                                                                                                TIP...THAT...MAN!

                                                                                                                [–]Jim_Gaffigans_bacon 37 points38 points ago

                                                                                                                OMG bacongasm.... ... .. ... zzzzzzzzz

                                                                                                                [–]jillibeans 17 points18 points ago

                                                                                                                Your user name intrigues me

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                                                                                                                  [–]functionparty 3 points4 points ago

                                                                                                                  I hope you're happy with this bacon homicide you've caused.

                                                                                                                  [–]downvotesexpected 3 points4 points ago

                                                                                                                  How do you people get your pizza guys to trick out your pizzas and boxes? My local pizza guys just look at me funny and make the same old pizza they always do.

                                                                                                                  [–]beersANDblunts 3 points4 points ago

                                                                                                                  that looks damn goood

                                                                                                                  [–]OMGitsDSypl 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                  Beautiful

                                                                                                                  [–]dongleberries 3 points4 points ago

                                                                                                                  God damn it's 2:31 in the morning and now I'm craving pizza

                                                                                                                  [–]bookworm4400 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                                                  post this to r/trees, you'll get absurd karma

                                                                                                                  [–]therocketflyer 73 points74 points ago

                                                                                                                  On a slightly-related note:

                                                                                                                  Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his pizza before it was cool.

                                                                                                                  [–]Scuttlebuttz93 15 points16 points ago

                                                                                                                  Why was he eating his pizza upside down?

                                                                                                                  ...oh yeah, hipsters

                                                                                                                  [–]dubblechrisp 22 points23 points ago

                                                                                                                  It's not the tongue-burning that gets you. It's when it burns the roof of your mouth that your day becomes ruined.

                                                                                                                  [–]Cendeu 14 points15 points ago

                                                                                                                  Oh god why...

                                                                                                                  It then is hanging on the top of your mouth. You have to make the decision to either rip it off (and then make it uncovered and hurt more) or leave the loose skin there (it hurts less, but damn it's annoying).

                                                                                                                  [–]sodapop_incest 48 points49 points ago

                                                                                                                  Every time this happens I peel the skin off and then gently stick it upon my window. The saliva dries and the skin sticks to the glass, leaving a thin translucent layer of flesh. The next time I eat pizza, the resulting skin peel is placed right next to the last skin peel. This continues so that it creates one unbroken sheen upon the window. The window is currently one sixteenth of the way covered. When the window is fully covered (if i eat pizza twice a week, this should only take another four months) I will finally invite over the friend I made in my bio class last semester. I will order a pizza. After we finish eating it, I will peel the loose skin from my mouth and tell him, "I need to show you something." And I will show him the window. "What is this," he will say, and I will say,"This is me. This is how a perceive the world; as a shady, grotesque parody of itself devoid of real color and shape, hidden from me and disfigured by my own desire to block it out, by my warped perceptions and my need to hold on to what I decide makes me an individual, too afraid to let go and understand something that goes beyond myself, something with intrinsic value," and then I'll start to shake and he'll take my hand and say "Shh, it's okay, I'm here, I see you, I'm right here," and I'll finally know what it's like to kiss a man.

                                                                                                                  [–]parasocks 17 points18 points ago

                                                                                                                  Bobby, please take your medicine. Your family loves you, and you're welcome here anytime.

                                                                                                                  Love, your Mom.

                                                                                                                  [–]Cendeu 13 points14 points ago

                                                                                                                  If this is a reference, cool.

                                                                                                                  If you made this, holy shit cool.

                                                                                                                  [–]DarkLoad1 6 points7 points ago

                                                                                                                  What the fuck.

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                                                                                                                    [–]mmmorgan 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                                                    I have this problem with essentially every food with melted cheese. The roof of my mouth is clearly no match for molten cheese.

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                                                                                                                      [–]skkitzzo 19 points20 points ago

                                                                                                                      Trying this at an [8] would go down something like this:

                                                                                                                      Pizza guy : Yeah this is herp derp pizza

                                                                                                                      Me : I'm going to murder you with bacon!

                                                                                                                      Pizza guy : wat

                                                                                                                      -click-

                                                                                                                      [–]johnny4727 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                      EMT would approve.

                                                                                                                      [–]IZNICE 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                      Not this again

                                                                                                                      [–]Scalarr 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                      187...

                                                                                                                      [–]HipHoppin 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                      What redditor thinks he said, "Fuck this bitch up with bacon." What redditor actually said, "C-c-c-ould you p-put extra b-bacon on it?" Pizza guy: "Yeah, no problem, enjoy your pizza!" Redditor: "Y-y-y-y-ou too."

                                                                                                                      [–]NoodlesLongacre 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                      Why would you cut a pizza in squares like that?

                                                                                                                      It's inhumane. This should be tagged NSFW.

                                                                                                                      [–]Impulse3 6 points7 points ago

                                                                                                                      TIL Tell the pizza guy to "Fuck this bitch up with bacon"

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