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1310
1311

RELEASE MY GENITALS!!! (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by dafuqdidIwrite

top 200 commentsshow all 239
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[–]duckwizzle 499 points500 points ago

Face the consequences of not releasing the genitals

[–]RequiemOfSyris 135 points136 points ago

Improved for your pleasure.

[–]WowbaggerIP 34 points35 points ago

Quick! Someone give it a funny hat!

[–]Dinokknd 96 points97 points ago

Like so?

Now in movie form. Directed by Micheal Bay.

[–]WowbaggerIP 14 points15 points ago

Yes! This is the highlight of my day thus far. It takes a lot to top a godzilla laser gentle-kitteh.

[–]MrE134 9 points10 points ago

A godzilla laser gentle-kitteh? Fuck it, I'm sleeping the next 24 hours, It's not like anything better could happen.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

This is my new Facebook cover photo.

[–]Zantier 2 points3 points ago

bad idea

[–]born_again_atheist 0 points1 point ago

Needs more lens flare.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]imbetterimback 6 points7 points ago

Not everything has to be a meme

[–]jazzorcist 4 points5 points ago

This is what happens when they catch the laser pointer dot.

[–]ProfessorHoneycutt 139 points140 points ago

Fun fact: That wallpaper almost got me laid once.

[–]Ayenguyen 80 points81 points ago

Story time!

[–]WhoNeedsRealLife 68 points69 points ago

10 bucks that his story is: Dumb blonde looks at his wallpaper and says "wow, that's sooo pretty, did you take that yourself"? He says "yes... yes I did. I'm a professional photographer. Would you like to do some modeling?"

[–]fateswarm 30 points31 points ago

Which is an excuse. She wanted to suck his cock anyway.

[–]Mulsivaas 9 points10 points ago

I wasn't truly laughing until I saw this comment.

[–]Munakala 2 points3 points ago

You sound like Barney

[–]Apostolate 122 points123 points ago

My story is short, it did not get me laid.

[–]mendozah92 138 points139 points ago

HEY, THIS HAPPENED TO ME ONCE.

Except it was my penis that was short.

TL;DR: My penis is small, you guys.

[–]BlueElephants 77 points78 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/UCgyu.gif

[–]hero2bash 15 points16 points ago

Should be TS;DR

[–]ImTooLiteral 10 points11 points ago

TS;DW Too Short;Do-not Want

[–]Apostolate 21 points22 points ago

Give her great head and buy a big strap on.

[–]sarcasm_rocks 28 points29 points ago

give HER great head? I've been doing it wrong all these years

[–]mendozah92 8 points9 points ago

It's Ok to be gay, man.

[–]henkenzo 13 points14 points ago

Did you at least get paid?

[–]Apostolate 37 points38 points ago

Not in gum.

[–]NurseApril 12 points13 points ago

I wish I got paid in trident layers :(

[–]123choji 8 points9 points ago

Man does not live on gum alone.

[–]IFlippedYourTable 7 points8 points ago

Brain replaced the g in gum with a c.

[–]Seanjohn2800 1 point2 points ago

A cum

[–]Sinavestia 1 point2 points ago

One does not simply live on gum.

[–]CardboardHeatshield 6 points7 points ago

No one ever pays me in gum.

[–]goodguynextdoor 4 points5 points ago

Sounds like a bum.

[–]beyron 2 points3 points ago

Stop answering for ProfessorHoneycutt

[–]classy_stegasaurus 0 points1 point ago

How about in cereal?

[–]Ghee_Buttersnaps_ 1 point2 points ago

Apparently your story isn't the only thing that's short.

[–]calufrax85 28 points29 points ago

So, what you're saying is, it has never gotten you laid.

[–]Thefriendlyfaceplant 15 points16 points ago

Fuck, I'm going to replace this wallpaper right away. Here I was, installing it while thinking it would get me all the pussy in the world.

[–]VerticalEvent 12 points13 points ago

In fact, it will only get you one pussy.

[–]Astronautspiff 5 points6 points ago

Almost

[–]VerticalEvent 0 points1 point ago

Well, the genitals haven't been released yet.

[–]calufrax85 0 points1 point ago

Probably not the kind of pussy you were looking for anyways.

[–]FireSail 6 points7 points ago

She clearly had high standards

[–]mehdifrex 6 points7 points ago

Almost

[–]damoose 11 points12 points ago

kat-kong

[–]demonicice 3 points4 points ago

best book ever

[–]theyellowgoat 7 points8 points ago

Dogzilla too!

[–]chileangod 2 points3 points ago

r/photoshopbattles

[–]swimshoe 4 points5 points ago

New favorite subreddit.

[–]mooshoepork 2 points3 points ago

higher res anywhere?

[–]duckwizzle 0 points1 point ago

Yup, http://www.yaplakal.com/uploads/post-13-13270672953254.jpg

[–]erikcasey 3 points4 points ago

Screw Godzilla an his genital-less body!

[–]Nyan69 0 points1 point ago

this is now my background, i love you

[–]duckwizzle 1 point2 points ago

Hi res: http://www.yaplakal.com/uploads/post-13-13270672953254.jpg

[–]Nyan69 1 point2 points ago

thankyou :)

[–]bwat47 0 points1 point ago

is there a larger version of this?

[–]duckwizzle 0 points1 point ago

Yup, http://www.yaplakal.com/uploads/post-13-13270672953254.jpg

[–]FakePretender 0 points1 point ago

Lol u should have rhotoscope him into a wasteland screenshot from fallout.

load more comments (15 replies)

    [–]Pandaval9 43 points44 points ago

    Where's gender bot when you need it?

    [–]Apostolate 21 points22 points ago

    Gender bot can't do cats!

    [–]archetech 3 points4 points ago

    I bet sex robot does.

    [–]4TEHSWARM 1 point2 points ago

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGSVYgcy24Q

    [–]wankerbot 2 points3 points ago

    We need I_RAPE_CATS, stat!

    [–]FredL2 0 points1 point ago

    I_RAPE_CATS can do cats.

    [–]henkenzo 14 points15 points ago

    don't care, hit it from behind

    [–]Nes-Of-Onett 2 points3 points ago

    all pink on the inside

    [–]_Madk 3 points4 points ago

    the human featured in the photo is very probably a guy. look at the flatness of the chest and the size of the hands and fingers.

    [–]123_123W -1 points0 points ago

    Happy birthday!! have an upvote

    [–]LuctorEtEmergo 5 points6 points ago

    Downvote black hole.

    [–]DasBeerBoot -4 points-3 points ago

    thas' racis'

    [–]SlurmsMackenzie92 0 points1 point ago

    I think it's a guy who trimmed his eyebrows or whatever it's called to make them look nice

    [–]AwolNaked 47 points48 points ago

    Be still Mr. Skittles!! I need to make it to the front page of reddit!

    [–]TenaciousPGH 16 points17 points ago

    I don't know why but I read that in JD's voice from Scrubs

    [–]camelCase47 4 points5 points ago

    Too bad it's not OP's pic and just a repost.

    load more comments (7 replies)

      [–]Semajal 20 points21 points ago

      Why do people hold cats like this :S I have seen a number of friends pick up cats with their arms pretty much on the cats arse.

      [–]glaedr 19 points20 points ago

      Because they're morons. The most annoying thing is when people insist on holding a cat which quite clearly does not want to be held.

      [–]DackJ 9 points10 points ago

      My cat loved being held. In fact, he insisted on being carried up the stairs. He would sit at the bottom of the flight and meow nonstop until someone would get him and bring him up.

      [–]monstercake 6 points7 points ago

      Yeah, my cat loves to be held too...might have something to do with the fact that she used to be nearly too fat to walk.

      [–]DackJ 10 points11 points ago

      Same here. When I would hold him he would put his paws on my face. Not scratch or hit me, just rest his paws there like he was trying to be romantic. He was an awesome cat.

      [–]down_vote_magnet 12 points13 points ago

      I love when my cat does that. Sometimes when I'm stroking him and I put my face close to his, he'll put his paws on my mouth, like "Shhh... don't speak. This moment is perfect."

      [–]flatlander00321 2 points3 points ago

      You know he walks in his own toilet on those paws, right?

      [–]DackJ 0 points1 point ago

      Exactly this. :P

      [–]monstercake 1 point2 points ago

      Yeah, as soon as we get anywhere near my cat she starts purring like a maniac. She just loves people.

      [–]Breathing_Balls 2 points3 points ago

      http://www.imgur.com/AiuoR.jpg

      [–]pissed_the_fuck_off 0 points1 point ago

      That's bullshit!

      [–]DackJ 0 points1 point ago

      It isn't, pissed_the_fuck_off! He knew we would carry him if he just sat there! He had us trained!

      [–]reynej 0 points1 point ago

      If you tried to hold my heavy cat like that she would rip one of your ears off.

      [–]Semajal 0 points1 point ago

      Yeah people would try and pick up my cat and id be like Seriously, she will tear you apart if you don't put her down. Though if I pick her up its all PURRR PURRRRRRR.

      [–]eyecite 0 points1 point ago

      I do this -- pick up cats that don't want to be held, that is -- and face the consequences because they're fucking adorable.

      [–]QUANTlTATlVE 77 points78 points ago

      This picture actually had some decent quality when it was first posted. Quite a bit of repost decay since then.

      [–]zarat 26 points27 points ago

      The caption kills the repost.

      [–]IAmSirFapsALot 53 points54 points ago

      He actually stole it from my comment on the original post... Haha proof

      [–]theorys 16 points17 points ago

      http://i.imgur.com/1m6Mu.png

      [–]Broodje 8 points9 points ago

      More karma incoming.

      [–]eyecite 2 points3 points ago

      I imagine reposters/people mark things down on their calendars such as "repost cat fondle pic w/ top comment added LOL"

      [–]archetech 0 points1 point ago

      Like the original more because I read it in the voice of a Dalek.

      [–]JamoJustReddit 0 points1 point ago

      I remember that post. One of the first I truly laughed at.

      [–]sirsosay 0 points1 point ago

      I remember laughing so hard to your comment that I spit my milk. I have proof underneath your old comment.

      [–]The_Magnificent -4 points-3 points ago

      Or, you know... he might actually have thought of the same thing without ever having seen your comment.

      [–]vertazontal -3 points-2 points ago

      Yeah, I like this picture more without any caption.

      [–]matttjonez 5 points6 points ago

      Does an image actually decay when it's saved to a computer and later reuploaded, and then repeated again and again?

      TIL if so.

      [–]De_Lille_D 2 points3 points ago

      No. Images (as all files) on a computer are stored digitally, i.e. as a bunch of ones and zeros. In order for the image (or file) to change, you have to change the ones and zeros. While it is possible that certain ones and zeros change over time because of hardware imperfections, I've never noticed a change in a file before.

      There is a thing that's called fault-correcting codes, which adds extra bits to the file (making it larger), which serves to find these wrong bits when they occur and correct them, as long as the mistakes are limited. This, off course, makes changes to files very uncommon.

      More likely, the change in quality can be attributed to format changes. There are different formats to save images. Some formats reduce the quaility of the image in such a way that is hard for humans to notice (example: we notice changes in red much better than changes in blue, so we reduce the amount of information about the blue in the picture); this is called lossy compression. Because these lossy formats don't all reduce quality in the exact same way, switching formats can cause quite a bit of difference. Even within a format there can be differences in quality...

      [–]AkiMatti -2 points-1 points ago

      I think it is from the copy mechanism. IIRC, if you make a copy of a file, and then copy the copy and so on, there comes information loss the further you go in the copy tree.

      EDIT: TIL that my IT teacher didn't know what he was talking about or was just playing a prank on us. Apparently he was talking about Generation loss but made it sound like it applied in digital copying as well as in analog systems.

      [–]lnenad 15 points16 points ago

      Le nope, that's not true, but uploading an image might cause some data loss depending on which service you use for the upload and the image processing done by that service, then download, then reupload...

      Copying an image is doing just that, copying, no data loss. It would be idiotic if you would lose data by copying it.

      [–]soulcakeduck 8 points9 points ago

      Dear IRS: I really wanted to pay my taxes this year but I copied my financial info too many times and lost it as a result. If this is a demerit on my permanent record, please copy that record frequently.

      [–]lnenad 0 points1 point ago

      Hey i transferred money for that Mercedes yesterday, but the bank took it trough too many accounts before it got to you, that's why the amount is 5 bucks.

      [–]jaywalker32 2 points3 points ago

      You can also usually tell how many times the file has been copied. By the pixel degradation coefficient and whatnot.

      [–]00010011Solo 0 points1 point ago

      I feel like I've stumbled into ShittyAskScience.

      [–]Johnno74 2 points3 points ago

      Umm... don't take this the wrong way, but do you use monster cables on everything? Do you think they help?

      [–]chicagogam 0 points1 point ago

      if the file is copied there is no degredation, but if it's viewed on the screen in an interpreted/lossy way and copied from there there would be information loss. (oo two theres in a row...). i guess i should throw in a silly comment to join the rest: if you keep viewing an image while in bright sunlight, the file's colors will start to fade. view valuable photos in a dark room, preferably with monitor brightness down too.... :-)

      [–]SirSofaspud 5 points6 points ago

      Made me think of Independence Day.

      [–]WHYWOULDYOUEVENARGUE 1 point2 points ago

      I never understood how this guy would know whether the glass is bullet proof or not. Good movie nonetheless.

      [–]Rosetti 6 points7 points ago

      ...Beacause he's one of the senior people at the facility, and hence has an understanding of its security functions...

      [–]brosenfeld 0 points1 point ago

      Adam Baldwin was better in Firefly.

      [–]DackJ -2 points-1 points ago

      You can put your fingers against glass and feel how thick it is.

      [–]bishman 0 points1 point ago

      This glass doesn't look very thick but it certainly is bulletproof. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZzoB6xBWOI

      [–]cuddlimaus 3 points4 points ago

      now thats a cock block.

      [–]typesPOOP 3 points4 points ago

      I think the cat is protesting where that finger is.

      [–]The-Gobbler 2 points3 points ago

      The jimmies...they have been rustled.

      [–]nthensome 1 point2 points ago

      He's already got one black eye.

      Guess he's looking for the matching set.

      [–]gonxdefetch 3 points4 points ago

      he ? or she ?

      I can not tell...

      [–]haiku_robot 2 points3 points ago

      He's already got 
one black eye.  Guess he's looking 
for the matching set.

      [–]SimplyApalled 1 point2 points ago

      I cup at a time!

      [–]Shadee1181 1 point2 points ago

      I could not stop laughing.. the more I looked away and came back to reassess everything that was going on.. the harder I laughed.. damn you reddit at 5AM..

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

      I think there are basically two schools of thought on how to read this. The first is something along the lines of a gentlemanly "LET GO YOU KNAVE" while the second is some greek god shouting "RELEASE THE KRAKEN."

      I'm going to go with number two, as if the cats facial expression was some kind of warning not to the human but to whatever poor creature lie in his sights.

      [–]Grilled_Cheesy 1 point2 points ago

      Who the hell cares if it's a repost. If I haven't seen it before it's new to me.

      [–]zimbabwe7878 1 point2 points ago

      My best attempt, didn't have a cat on hand

      [–]wakaba 3 points4 points ago

      Sad when you see the OP's comments getting downvoted on his own submission.

      [–]ruudvan2002 3 points4 points ago

      Karma is a b*tch

      [–]mistahARK 1 point2 points ago

      How many times will this be reposted...

      [–]nitroass 1 point2 points ago

      This is really old...

      [–]Iamgoingtooffendyou 0 points1 point ago

      ...and then repost this picture.

      [–]bubbleles 0 points1 point ago

      It's brilliant, he actually looks like a miniature Baron Harkonnen.

      [–][deleted] ago

      [deleted]

      [–]Scapegoat_the_third 2 points3 points ago

      dafuq is this

      [–]PISS_IN_THE_ASS 0 points1 point ago

      Why would ever want to hold your cat by it's balls?

      [–]larokos 0 points1 point ago

      Either play with them or let them go!

      [–]Sikulec 0 points1 point ago

      That hairstyle reminds me Spock from Star Trek.

      [–]beyron 0 points1 point ago

      That kid needs to hit the gym.

      [–]Cubeface 0 points1 point ago

      And lawyer up.

      [–]MrMelty 0 points1 point ago

      His shitty haircut makes this picture so much better.

      [–]DAIRYFRESH 0 points1 point ago

      So I go to school with this kid, and he was incredibly high when he took it. After we showed it to him he kind of denied taking the picture, but he's shown us his cat and that's the same Ipod that he sits there in class and listens to. He was soo freaked out after that. We gave it a good laugh, and now it's been viewed by thousands on reddit!

      [–]Macsimus15 0 points1 point ago

      John Lajoi says show me your genitals.

      [–]slevinkelevra07 0 points1 point ago

      This is what my girlfriend says every time I try something...

      [–]seosmocoo 0 points1 point ago

      pushing the belly tumble out !

      [–]GigglesMcTits 0 points1 point ago

      I think I know this kid. Huge stoner, did pics like this all the time on FB will edit later if I can find with other pictures.

      Edit: Sadly not able to get a profile picture, best I could do was a cover photo that came from June 1st while if I remember correctly this picture was taken our Freshman year. http://imgur.com/Oxl01.jpg Don't really feel like blurring or cropping out faces at 10am, but the guy I am talking about is in the middle.

      [–]landspeed24 0 points1 point ago

      This kid looks mangled on opiates and blazed to high heaven. Hopefully he's the dude in the one year coin post.

      [–]Aye-curumba 0 points1 point ago

      So they got rid of Colby and got a cat?

      [–]IAmAtomato 0 points1 point ago

      Hilarious post, but I hope you fall and gently scrape your ankle for that god-awful title.

      [–]icarusfins 0 points1 point ago

      Thank you. I laughed to point of tears.

      [–]ArtiMo22 0 points1 point ago

      Release, my genitals, my genitals, release, my genitals, MY GENITALIA!

      [–]Transformerer 0 points1 point ago

      Is that a boy bieber-clone or a dike?

      [–]topherthechives 0 points1 point ago

      TRISTAM!

      [–]dhockey63 0 points1 point ago

      STOP POSTING THIS

      [–]declan_doesnt_know 0 points1 point ago

      wasnt really sure if that was a boy or a girl at first

      [–]Fenimore 0 points1 point ago

      This is the first cat picture that I haven't downvoted in months.

      [–]C_M_O_TDibbler 0 points1 point ago

      Has anyone found out if this is I_RAPE_CATS?

      [–]Wailordfan 0 points1 point ago

      I laughed to much then I should have....

      [–]TrentRader 0 points1 point ago

      I laughed a lot harder than should have

      [–]lockwoods8 0 points1 point ago

      That cat looks like its going to fuck you up.

      [–]redditlubber 0 points1 point ago

      I agree with the cat. Plus, your fingers will smell.

      [–]matrix23 0 points1 point ago

      this is my favorite picture of all time

      [–]jeffnnc 0 points1 point ago

      If that cat is not declawed, he's about to have a bad time.

      [–]Amberleaf 0 points1 point ago

      Human?

      [–]MathewC 0 points1 point ago

      It kinda looks like a young Jason Mewes.

      [–]Rubin0 0 points1 point ago

      MAC N' CHEESE, MAC, MAC N' CHEESE.

      CAN I HAVE SOME PLEASE?

      [–]punksnotbread -1 points0 points ago

      Why is a repost on the front page?

      [–]gamerwithnoname -1 points0 points ago

      That's one fat-ass cat

      [–]I_can_only_say_PENIS -1 points0 points ago

      PENIS

      [–]erikbarrett85 -1 points0 points ago

      That ambiguous creature is difficult to look at....cute cat, tho

      [–]DougieFFC -2 points-1 points ago

      I.......know this person. In real life....

      [–][deleted] -2 points-1 points ago

      I tooted laughing at this

      [–]ruudvan2002 -1 points0 points ago

      Is that guy weird haired Benedict Cumberbach

      [–]the-no-guy -1 points0 points ago

      Michael Cera, the Cat Molester.

      [–]ROBOTLASERJESUS -1 points0 points ago

      This pic is older than the internet...

      [–]mememellie -3 points-2 points ago

      He should leave thats cats Johnson alone. I wonder if that boy sodomized that cat with a hairbrush.

      [–]theCHAMPdotcom -5 points-4 points ago

      i very rarely actually laugh out loud, this was that time.

      [–]MangoCharade -3 points-2 points ago

      HAHA the cats face is soooo perfect!!!! XD

      [–]Digitalol -5 points-4 points ago

      More like "Annnnnd... BOOM goes the dynamite."

      [–]titsmcgee333 -4 points-3 points ago

      still a better love story than twilight.

      [–]cock-a-doodle-doo -2 points-1 points ago

      That cat ... is so fat.

      [–]T10Terminator -2 points-1 points ago

      Colby the molested cat

      Here have some Karma I am a huge pervert who love bestiality.

      [–]AndBackToLurking -2 points-1 points ago

      The title ruined nothing.

      load more comments (19 replies)

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