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top 200 commentsshow all 430

[–]keagmcG 540 points541 points ago

I would personally be pleasantly surprised to find Eminem under my bed.

[–]Gooberpatrol66 360 points361 points ago

Me too! I love finding stray M&Ms under my bed!

[–]fluorofro 87 points88 points ago

Even stale ones?

[–]Se7en_Sinner 156 points157 points ago

Especially stale ones.

[–]KorbenD2263 70 points71 points ago

What about one so rancid it turned into a Skittle?

[–]uk2knerf 100 points101 points ago

What if it turned into a jolly rancher?

[–]GeneralWarts 68 points69 points ago

/thread.

[–]ymahaguy3388 20 points21 points ago

0> General Warts. We have a Major Problem...

[–]TheYuppieWord 20 points21 points ago

Private Parts, reporting for duty sir.

[–]ymahaguy3388 19 points20 points ago

hehe...duty

[–]Libberator 7 points8 points ago

You.... bastard

[–]nigrochinkspic 12 points13 points ago

"No fuck you, blah blah blah"

[–]SrsSteel 3 points4 points ago

Package it, triple your money.

[–]ymahaguy3388 22 points23 points ago

They go stale? Shut up, internet. You're such a big lying mcliarface.

[–]Aiyon 22 points23 points ago

They're not lying. Didn't you know that's where Skittles come from?

When M&Ms go stale, the sugar crystalises, creating Skittles.

"But, Aiyon, what happens to the peanuts and chocolate!" I hear you say. Well, that's simple. The sugar eats them. It's the only way for it to survive.

[–]ymahaguy3388 5 points6 points ago

Ah, so the byproduct of the sugars eating the peanuts is what makes them taste like rainbows? TIL

[–]Aiyon 1 point2 points ago

Indeed. It's also why some packets taste different. They were just plain chocolate M&Ms.

[–]ymahaguy3388 2 points3 points ago

I suppose you're going to tell me sour skittles are just well marketed expired skittles

[–]Aiyon 2 points3 points ago

Don't be so ridiculous!

They're Dark Chocolate. I can't explain how it works, it's a trade secret. But I will say this. Dark M&Ms make the best Skittles. They have more flavour.

[–]ymahaguy3388 2 points3 points ago

If you can explain Crunchy M&M's, Peanut butter, Almond and Pretzel and I'll consider what you tell me to be truthful.

[–]ffn 1 point2 points ago

Look around you.

[–]monkeymatings 1 point2 points ago

I love you, science.

[–]all_hands_in_an_ape 4 points5 points ago

You think someone would do that? Just go on the Internet and tell lies?

[–]paulfknwalsh 1 point2 points ago

yeah they do, it's usually around the time they feature Rihanna on a chorus

[–]TokenRedditGuy 2 points3 points ago

Ohhh! Piece of candy.

[–]omgsus 4 points5 points ago

Ohh! piece 'a candy!

[–]rub3s 4 points5 points ago

Ohhh, twenty dollars? I wanted an M&M!
Twenty dollars can buy many M&Ms!
Explain how.
Money can be exchanged for good and services.

[–]IAmACollegekid[!] 47 points48 points ago

as long as he cleans up my room like he cleans out his own closet

[–]lollette 20 points21 points ago

Thanks for doing this AMA! Are frat parties really crazy?

[–]Thydamine 10 points11 points ago

"Slim? Is that you?"

"..."

"No"

[–]hamsterwheel 6 points7 points ago

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT A PORCUPINES BALLS!

[–]warped_and_bubbling 5 points6 points ago

THEY'RE SMALL, AND THEY DON'T GIVE A SHIT!!!

[–]emperorpotatoketchup 9 points10 points ago

I would have many more items for him to sign so that I can reap profits via ebay.

[–]theWhiteEminem 5 points6 points ago

Well then, I hope you're not a light sleeper

[–]Hank_Moody 192 points193 points ago

That entire Top 10 was funny.

[–]darkpaladin 165 points166 points ago

Wow he looks so unbelievably uncomfortable.

[–][deleted] 85 points86 points ago

I read some article about how he tries not to smile in public (you can see this in interviews on late night show where he covers his mouth or stiffles his laughter)

[–]omnipoopent 67 points68 points ago

I actually think he has some sort of social phobia. Watch the video again with that in mind and it will make sense.

[–][deleted] 62 points63 points ago

I agree with this, I think despite aiming for celebrity status, he is an insanely private person and has a hard time dealing with fame. I think he doesn't smile because he doesn't want to let the public at large "in."

[–]omnipoopent 48 points49 points ago

That's been a topic he's brought up a lot in his songs ever since the Marshall Mathers LP (i.e. after Slim Shady LP made him famous). He even had that scene in Funny People talking about it. He's also said he was kind of a loner and awkward as a kid. The social anxiety has always only been a theory of mine but it seems like it would explain a lot. I have it and people constantly ask me why I'm always quiet and look upset. In reality I'm actually a very happy person, I just like to keep in myself and for whatever reason have a facial expression that's usually stoic. It's easy to be misunderstood when you're that way.

[–]Lilkounchry 17 points18 points ago

I'm the same way. My girlfriend always asks me if I'm okay, I'm a lot more than okay. Usually very happy and upbeat. I'm just quiet sometimes because I don't have anything to say.

[–]compromised_account 6 points7 points ago

Say what you say.

[–]ComradePotato 5 points6 points ago

Yeah I get this. My girlfriend occasionally asks "are you alright today, you seem very quiet", then I have to reassure her that I'm fine and that I just don't have much to say. People can have days where they just want to keep schtum and take in their surroundings, am I right?

[–]loradey 2 points3 points ago

At least she cares enough to ask though. A lot of people don't have that.

[–]rez410 5 points6 points ago

Story of my life

[–]cac2976 2 points3 points ago

While I don't disagree with you post at all and it would make sense if he had some sort of social phobia, I find it hard for me to understand that someone who doesn't want the public in his personal life raps about such personal things.

[–]SirSandGoblin 8 points9 points ago

van gogh painted some tremendously personal things, i think if you are a very inwards person then it makes sense to let it out artistically, you gotta let it out somehow.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

Yeah but that's what all artists do, they have to...use their personal life. Actors do it (good ones), you usually just don't know the details of what they are using.

He's talked about how when he suddenly shot to fame how difficult that was and then his drug habit became really out of control as a coping mechanism for him to deal. Then he ODed/almost died, and that woke him up.

[–]MoonshineDan 21 points22 points ago

Wow, google images brought up 2 pictures of him smiling, and I think one of them was Robert Downey jr.

[–]Jimbozu 28 points29 points ago

This kind of seems like its partly his on stage persona and partly him getting paid to a type of bit that he wouldn't regularly be involved with.

[–]noobz0rs777 11 points12 points ago

after he stopped doing drugs, he got SO much more serious and stone-faced and i thought maybe he kinda "broke". but i recently saw a making-of/behind-the-scenes videos of him and he laughs and acts like a normal person. i think it's a combination of the public image he has to show and desire to keep a private life. which is kind of odd with how much emotion tends to bleed and pour out of his music.

[–]thetruegmon 3 points4 points ago

He did a live interview thing with Royce after their album came out, kind of like an AMA with video answers, and he was goofing off and being completely..... silly the whole time.

[–]poktanju 1 point2 points ago

So he's like Joe Bastianich, then.

[–]249ba36000029bbe9749 39 points40 points ago

If he just had some experience performing in front of large crowds...oh well.

[–]SteveY8 22 points23 points ago

Yeah his extreme introversion is because of that, the Shim Shady persona stemmed from him having to get high before doing a show to calm his extreme nerves. He had to learn how to perform sober on his tour couple years ago

[–]crumb0167 33 points34 points ago

Palms are sweaty,

[–][deleted] 90 points91 points ago

knees weak, arms spaghetti

there's vomit on spaghetti already, mom's spaghetti

he's nervous--but on the surface he's calm spaghetti

to drop bombs, but he keeps on spaghetti

[–]ZServ 1 point2 points ago

I laughed so hard at this, I dont think I'll ever eat spaghetti again

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points ago

Open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur!

[–]Dacocamaro 1 point2 points ago

Knees sweaty, arms are sweaty, there's sweat on his sweater already, sweaty spaghetti. He's sweaty, but on the surface he looks calm and sweaty to drop sweat, but he keeps on sweating what he sweat down. The whole crowd sweats so loud. He opens his mouth but the sweat won't come out. He's sweating now. Everybody's sweating, how? The clocks run out, times up over sweat.

[–]Phlecks 1 point2 points ago

Knees week, arms are heavy,

[–]youstolemyname 134 points135 points ago

Its like he has some kind of automatic dildo thursting machine strapped to his ass wired to go off if he goes off script.

[–]AffableJack 62 points63 points ago

I'm not sure that's how I would have interpreted it, but it certainly does make sense.

[–]Radials 4 points5 points ago

But why does it thurst for dildos?

[–]invictus1 11 points12 points ago

yes

[–]thestipp 10 points11 points ago

It's called Deadpanning.

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points ago

He always seems to look uncomfortable to me.

[–]michfreak 58 points59 points ago

That appears to be a situation everyone everywhere would feel right at home in.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

Yeah, I think at least most people encountering something like that would smile in case it's dangerous or poisonous. I imagine Eminem was just concerned for where the birds would live now that Lady Gaga had changed out of her previous year's outfit.

[–]ColonOBrien 22 points23 points ago

Yeti called....he wants his butthole back.

[–]Provid3nce 11 points12 points ago

If some sort of red felt creature were attacking me I'd look uncomfortable too.

[–]eyecite 4 points5 points ago

Well, he is an introvert.

[–]cinemafia 1 point2 points ago

That's the joke.

[–]pyronarwhal 17 points18 points ago

"Press thumbs up and I'll smile!!!" Hm... Something seems vaguely familiar about this...

[–]IAmACollegekid[!] 6 points7 points ago

I tried it, this didn't work.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

man you fucker, I just spent like 3 hours watching stupid ass rap fight/beef youtube videos because of that link...

[–]random_digital 3 points4 points ago

That was surprisingly awkward.

[–]fireduck 7 points8 points ago

Whoever wrote these needs to stop and not do that any more.

[–]ldawg092498 4 points5 points ago

4) Always remember the magic words: "please","thank you" and "step off bitch".

[–]TheMadHatter_9 7 points8 points ago

The crowd and David are like :D HAHAHAHA. Eminem's like. :| What the fuck.

[–]Zog8 1 point2 points ago

"Keep it real"

[–]aa7mit 88 points89 points ago

He's gonna set your fucking house on fire.

[–]dmcnelly 112 points113 points ago

And when the cops came through, him and Dre stood next to a burned down house. With a can full of gas and a hand full of matches. Still weren't found out.

[–]AWildSpork 23 points24 points ago

Sounds like an average day in Detroit.

[–]Zog8 28 points29 points ago

He'll kill you and them loudass mothafuckin barkin dogs.

[–]drunk-penguin 6 points7 points ago

No, he's just playing, America. You know he loves you.

[–]Mavfreak 14 points15 points ago

And he's still loco enough to choke you to death with a Charleston Chew.

[–]RUPTURED_ASSHOLE 14 points15 points ago

I've heard that Slim Shady is hotter than a set of twin babies in a Mercedes Benz with the windows up and the temp goes up to the mid 80's.

[–]gENTleman92 8 points9 points ago

And he calls men, ladies.

[–]nomopyt 6 points7 points ago

Sorry Doc, but he been crazy.

[–]110110 7 points8 points ago

There is no way that you can save me.

[–]gENTleman92 7 points8 points ago

That's ok, go with him Hailey.

[–]mintfoot 11 points12 points ago

Dada!

[–]Spruxy 1 point2 points ago

Chicka chicka chicka

[–]7zark77 12 points13 points ago

Ice is back with a brand new invention ... oh, hang on.

[–]Bacon_Hero 1 point2 points ago

Somethin, grabs ahold of slim shady

[–]thestipp 4 points5 points ago

Right here!

[–]trixed 1 point2 points ago

From here on out it's the Chronic 2 Startin today and tomorrow's the new And I'm still loco enough To choke you to death wit a Charleston Chew

[–]Sieran 2 points3 points ago

With lemons!

[–]meijerbrantm 1 point2 points ago

I was just sitting there listening to my will smith cd...

[–]40kfreak 1 point2 points ago

He's just gunna stand there and watch me burn?

[–]IAMA_MMA_MAMA_AMA 1 point2 points ago

Better call the fire department, he's hired an arsonist to set fire to carpets and burn up your entire apartment.

[–]yeaweckin 3 points4 points ago

Do you find it hard to juggle being a mother and fighting?

[–]inthe10percent 23 points24 points ago

Meet Scott, a 17 year old idiot who tried to sell Eminem autographed merchandise online. He decides it is time to sleep, when suddenly, something shady appears under his bed...

[–]Andy_Glass 44 points45 points ago

I can agree with him if he thinks low of the people who he signs autographs for to turn them around and sell it online. It's basically the same thing as ticket scalping.

[–]JayDee240 17 points18 points ago

What does he intend to do after crawling under someone's bed?

[–]willscy 78 points79 points ago

probably rap for them all night while they try and sleep.

[–]thatapenis 64 points65 points ago

rapping at their chamber door.

[–]CHIEFScounty 19 points20 points ago

on their chamber floor

FTFY

[–]kernozlov 13 points14 points ago

Some bitch is rap rap raping at my chamber door, She's hot but to clingy bro nevermore.

[–]40kfreak 2 points3 points ago

Yo,

One time on this midnight dearily While I pondered fucking wearily Over many an album of forgotten porn

Suddenly there came a rapping As of some bitch tapping, tapping on the fucking door

[–]bob-leblaw 6 points7 points ago

I read, "probably rap them all night..."

[–]bjbyrne 6 points7 points ago

I hate getting raped when I'm sleeping. Wake me up first please.

[–]silvergill 6 points7 points ago

I open the door, get on the floor

Listen to me rap the dinosaur!

[–]RYuukiG 2 points3 points ago

I actually might enjoy that

[–]TheLivingAwesome 67 points68 points ago

1: Get autographed item from Eminem. 2: Sell on Ebay to get him to appear again. 3: Get new item autographed. 4. Repeat process. 5. acquire currency.

Problem?

[–]shibblywibbly 47 points48 points ago

Biggie Smalls... Biggie Smalls... Biggie Smalls...

[–]thegreatvortigaunt 164 points165 points ago

Although I'm not fond of his music, as far as I know Eminem is an alright bloke.

[–]Kerse 208 points209 points ago

He didn't go to some award show thing where he was supposed to win something because he wanted to spend more time with his kid or something.

[–]CogitoErgoNihil 386 points387 points ago

I always appreciate a good, specific post.

[–]venividiikarma 30 points31 points ago

That was about as vague as that one other thing

[–]mumuuu 4 points5 points ago

Or something.

[–]TimesWasting 58 points59 points ago

Yeah he won a Grammy but wasn't even there, he was with his daughter while she was watching cartoons. He's actually a great father.

[–]apostrotastrophe 32 points33 points ago

I'd say more decent than great... all the anger and feudiness with the kid's mom plus the drug addiction he had going couldn't have been super healthy for her development. He cancels some of it out by being present and obviously loving her like no tomorrow, but it's not worth a medal or anything.

[–]TimesWasting 45 points46 points ago

I meant great as in compared to what people would assume about him

[–]Suddenly_Something 6 points7 points ago

In other news his daughter isn't too bad looking.... Here I feel bad for any boyfriend she has.

[–]I_MAKE_USERNAMES 27 points28 points ago

But Hailey is just a baby.... Oh god has it really been that long since Slim Shady LP?

[–]Shutup_Wesley 9 points10 points ago

Damn I feel old if that's really her

[–]I_MAKE_USERNAMES 6 points7 points ago

Even if that isn't her, she is around that age. I mean 1999 she was being rapped about being a baby, so 16 now? Christ.

[–]WilsonHanks 1 point2 points ago

Yeah, she's sixteen now. Someone had to look it up.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

I don't know, I think it's relative. My parents were "normal," worked jobs, were "around" etc. But my mother has borderline personality disorder and is incredibly cutting, cruel, and manipulative. For all that he's done, I can guarantee there is no doubt in his kids' minds that he loves them unconditionally. Sometimes you can't judge a parent by the seeming circumstances and outside activities.

[–]drizzydrank 4 points5 points ago

He used to fly back to Detroit every night while on tour just to drive his daughter to school. That kind of hectic schedule is partially what led him to the drug addiction.

[–]wiffleball_lgnd 121 points122 points ago

but slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?

[–]DontStopNowBaby 77 points78 points ago

Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?

[–]Dr-Farnsworth 67 points68 points ago

So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears, man Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs.

[–]uk2knerf 58 points59 points ago

So I can sit next to Carson daly and Fred durst,

[–]TehSlippy 56 points57 points ago

and hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first

[–]Cheeseburg3r 8 points9 points ago

You little bitch, put me on blast on MTV

[–]AvidLoLFan 8 points9 points ago

Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim! Hehe...

[–]4thens 6 points7 points ago

I should download her audio on mp3 and show the whole world how you gave eminem a VD

[–]beefwich 31 points32 points ago

So they can watch me eat some liverwurst

[–]muffinmonk 23 points24 points ago

What the fuck lol is this the radio edit?

[–]LastRedCoat 13 points14 points ago

And hear them argue over who she gave head to first Edit: should not have tried to jump on a fast moving karma train from my cell phone.

[–]AnonymousKevin 6 points7 points ago

And hear them argue over who she gave head to first,

[–]butters_owns 9 points10 points ago

Little bitch, put me on blast on MTV.

[–]SocialCandyEater 7 points8 points ago

Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee hee!

[–]fermented-fetus 5 points6 points ago

So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears, shit Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs.

[–]crazystrawman 14 points15 points ago

Since everyone seems to be getting this wrong...

He did not show up to receive the Oscar for Best Original Song. It was Lose Yourself as heard on 8 Mile. He was instead, at home, asleep with Haley.

On a side note, he's a pretty good guy. He's done the best he knows to be a good father. He also did quite a bit financially for those down on their luck in Detroit.

[–]slicedbreddit 2 points3 points ago

awesome song

[–]BabeDavidson 1 point2 points ago

Might also be an indicator of how much value he places on awards

[–]DragonDuck 35 points36 points ago

Someone didn't go to something where he was supposed to something something because he wanted to something with his something or something.

FTFY

[–]KennyLoggnsDngrZone 24 points25 points ago

...dark side.

[–]BombAssRiceCrispies 6 points7 points ago

The song when i'm gone was about that I think.

[–]bobthecookie 29 points30 points ago

My response to that song: He's a good father

[–]BombAssRiceCrispies 5 points6 points ago

That is so goddamn cute

[–]crappyoats 5 points6 points ago

it could mean the cat has kidney failure

[–]computernerd225 3 points4 points ago

And there's reality coming back.

[–]lollette 1 point2 points ago

omgomgomgomg

[–]JazzyNips 25 points26 points ago

Eminem turns 40 this year... now I'm starting to feel old.

[–]Bixby66 17 points18 points ago

How much do you think Eminem himself would go for on Ebay?

[–]Hadi23 15 points16 points ago

7

[–]zim804 14 points15 points ago

Maybe 8

[–]TheOutlawAmbulance 41 points42 points ago

Miles

[–]sangredelobo 6 points7 points ago

Best I could do is 6.

[–]Stingwolf 1 point2 points ago

You gotta make a profit.

[–]Joaf 14 points15 points ago

Hold on, let me call my buddy who's an expert on Eminem. He'll decide if this is the real Slim Shady.

[–]Bacon_Hero 5 points6 points ago

Just ask him to stand up

[–]caryhartline 2 points3 points ago

2 in the hand. That, or one in the bush.

[–]tne2008 7 points8 points ago

If you don't suck his dick, you're going to get decapitated.

In other words, if you don't give him head, he's going to have to take it.

[–]packerbacker1221 1 point2 points ago

And then after takin' that, I'mma catch a case, it's gon' be fascinatin' It's gon' say "The whole rap game passed away" on top of the affidavit Graduated from master debater slash massive masturbator To Michael Jackson' activator, meanin' I'm on fire off the top Might wanna back up data runnin' over hip hop In a verbal tractor trailer, homie this sick, you can normally ask a hater Don't it make sense, these shell casings is just like a bag of paper Drop in the lap of a tax evader, homie they spent

[Eminem] Now make that ass drop like a sack of potatoes, what girl I'm the crack-a-lator, percolator to this party, be my penis ejaculator later Tell your boyfriend that you just struck paydirt You rollin' with a player, you won't be exaggeratin' when you say ya..

Had to end it before it started

[–]Randomlk 20 points21 points ago

I like how he is reading a card to say "Number 9... Number 8... Number 7..."

[–]Kentravyon 18 points19 points ago

He has facial emotions to rival Kristen Stewart.

[–]SexyPengu1n 9 points10 points ago

Eminem, wtf? I said I wanted you IN my bed not under it...

[–]Well_then_sir 2 points3 points ago

Eminem pieces I see what you did there!

[–]oD3 2 points3 points ago

Apparently he is a really nice guy in real life.

[–]Nzgirl69 2 points3 points ago

Want me to watch my mouth - how? Take my fucking eyeballs out and turn them around?!

[–]kabukistar 6 points7 points ago

This guy really only has one facial expression, doesn't he?

[–]PCLoadLetter01 15 points16 points ago

Why are there so many commas? I read that like I was retarded.

[–]arabjuice 46 points47 points ago

http://imgur.com/yPlR8 Do you have anti downvote protection? I'm confused

[–]beefwich 13 points14 points ago

Those reddit up/downvote counters don't always work perfectly.

I frequently see them say something like (+49/-2) but the net upvotes will say 44.

[–]kulaboy94 8 points9 points ago

Beacause in the video he pauses alot

[–]melvaer911 1 point2 points ago

[–]Gmen10 1 point2 points ago

[–]122ninjas 1 point2 points ago

My pieces of advice. If I see this post reposted again for karma, I will be under the bed.

[–]Tanory07 1 point2 points ago

...to give you a new signature

[–]ragnaROCKER 1 point2 points ago

Because celebrities are the only ones allowed to make money with little to no effort....

[–]BlackLiteAttack 1 point2 points ago

Oh man. That crop job. http://i.imgur.com/C4tGl.jpg

[–]OneWhoHenpecksGiants 1 point2 points ago

His expression is perfect.

[–]uhv_scientist 1 point2 points ago

Crazy ass-happiness you say?

[–]SAMVANBOXTEL 3 points4 points ago

Don't worry em, I would never sell your autograph lol. Youre my hero

[–]Shutup_Wesley 9 points10 points ago

This is Stan, your biggest fan

[–]TheyCallMeTheFlower 5 points6 points ago

Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance I ain't mad. I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans

[–]EXAX 1 point2 points ago

Shut up, you're Wesley.

[–]Really_Into_C3PO 3 points4 points ago

C-3PO was played by Anthony Daniels in all six Star Wars films! That amazing!

[–]Goldcut 12 points13 points ago

Sigh...

[–]VolkenGLG 4 points5 points ago

What... Has reddit come to

[–]samanthakm9 3 points4 points ago

It doesn't seem like it sells for much anyways... seems like a lot of work for nothing.

[–]nextInt 4 points5 points ago

Because the market has been saturized with fake stuff and even the originals have been selling for like 15 years so there is a lot of supply.