this post was submitted on
1,496 points (55% like it)
7,502 up votes 6,006 down votes

funny

subscribe2,409,185 readers

8,502 users here now

PLEASE, No posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 141 comments

[–]racoonrick 45 points46 points ago

Poor little feller.

[–]heroman44 1 point2 points ago

Why'd you go and do that he was just a boy.

[–]WutsUp 0 points1 point ago

This lil' guy's story is BREAKING news!

[–]eadasse 82 points83 points ago

Slow news day?

[–]bethanyj 64 points65 points ago

It's from Kansas City. If someone isn't getting shot downtown, there isn't a whole lotta news.

[–]billychuck 29 points30 points ago

as a kansas city resident, i confirm this.

[–]diablo75 9 points10 points ago

As a former employee of KCTV, I can confirm this as well.

[–]SeaBiscuit1337 5 points6 points ago

As someone who watches the news in Kansas City, i can confirm that his confirmation is confirmed

[–]apollo10 0 points1 point ago

As a viewer of unfortunate broadcasting in KC, I can also confirm this.

[–]indiafernandez999 4 points5 points ago

I am from lees summit and I can confirm that this is a Kansas city resident

[–]redgroupclan 1 point2 points ago

I am from Lee's Summit and I can confirm his confirmation.

[–]indiafernandez999 1 point2 points ago

I am from greenwood an I can still confirm a little bit more and if you are who you say you are you know what greenwood is

[–]jason28 1 point2 points ago

I know Lee Greenwood, and I confirm he is not from Kansas City.

[–]indiafernandez999 -1 points0 points ago

*Lees summit *Greenwood

[–]lochlainn 1 point2 points ago

I confirm that this guy did not get the joke.

[–]redgroupclan 0 points1 point ago

Yes...I...know Greenwood...STAY OUT OF MY HOUSE

[–]indiafernandez999 0 points1 point ago

I'll believe you if you can answer this where is price chopper only a true greenwood resident would know that.

[–]redgroupclan 0 points1 point ago

The newer one by the furniture store or the old one by Baskin Robbins?

[–]indiafernandez999 0 points1 point ago

Oh my gawd where do you go to school

[–]CakeNStuff 0 points1 point ago

I am from Lee's Summit and I can confirm -- We have a freaking community of redditors!

[–]Eccentric_Gent 3 points4 points ago

So the old west lives on. Yeeeehaw!

[–]ABMarley 9 points10 points ago

pretty much always slow here in KC besides some murder here and there

[–]pyronarwhal 5 points6 points ago

Or things on fire.

[–]ABMarley 7 points8 points ago

oh pyronarwhal you crazy, please dont light my house on fire

[–]pyronarwhal 4 points5 points ago

Well since you asked nicely..

[–]BLVD 7 points8 points ago

Burn mine. I saw a spider the other day and there's little shit that I don't feel like fixing.

[–]Cuntercawk -2 points-1 points ago

I imeadiatly regret this

[–]Willziac 1 point2 points ago

They've been talking about pretty much nothing other than the heat for weeks now. Know where else it's hot? FUCKIN EVERYWHERE ELSE IS AMERICA!

[–]pyronarwhal 2 points3 points ago

One word: Alaska.

[–]blonked 10 points11 points ago

"We're hearing reports now that the raccoon is armed with a sniper rifle atop the light pole."

[–]Lottanubs 4 points5 points ago

I love that word, lotta Almost as much as I like the word nubs

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]qwertyjake 0 points1 point ago

I got a lotta nubs

[–]AJRiddle 1 point2 points ago

Bullshit, people don't get shot downtown, they get shot in Midtown or on the east side.

[–]bethanyj 2 points3 points ago

Sorry, I'm in Liberty. I attribute anything in Kansas City to be 'downtown.' Actual downtown is quite safe. :)

[–]AJRiddle 1 point2 points ago

Oh, so you are one of those people

[–]bethanyj 1 point2 points ago

Yes. Sorry.

[–]jpjones7 1 point2 points ago

Or the Royals and chiefs losing. However I do miss the sea of red. (grew up in KCK)

[–]blazedaze 0 points1 point ago

What about sean malto

[–]bethanyj 0 points1 point ago

I had to google him - never seen him on the news.

[–]blazedaze 0 points1 point ago

In the skateboarding world he is a big deal now. Fresh out of kc

[–]bethanyj 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, KC isn't exactly big on skateboarding. Definitely wouldnt be on the news.

[–]bacon_taste 0 points1 point ago

Someone could get shot on Troost or Prospect. Or hell, anything east of 71.

[–]Galactic_Inquisitor 4 points5 points ago

"Raccoon stuck on top of pole, what that means for your weekend at 10."

[–]cconrad0825 1 point2 points ago

Don't tell concernedcoloradian this... he'll feel we are insensitive about not every news item being about a fire in a fire prone area.

[–]mistielovesyou 1 point2 points ago

That's your Carson?

[–]eadasse 0 points1 point ago

Jon Stewart!

[–]mistielovesyou 1 point2 points ago

You depress me.

[–]gasms 0 points1 point ago

This wasn't a news report. Rather, it was a POV cam from the female raccoon's hoohaa. Kudos to that raccoon.. Kudos...

[–]Acetyl-CoA 0 points1 point ago

I was about to say, why was this on the news?

[–]el3kt2ik 21 points22 points ago

[–]Miguelerbee 4 points5 points ago

Thats 2 hours of productivity in my day I just lost.

[–]lordsushi 23 points24 points ago

hey asshole news, maybe you should help the poor thing out!

[–]TerryArchi 15 points16 points ago

Just like in horror movies, the protagonist is being killed and the cameraman does nothing.

[–]Stylux 3 points4 points ago

When I'm in the theatre, I try to help by yelling at the screen. It always ends the same.

[–]JaggedPussyTeeth 1 point2 points ago

Any reasonable, cheap ideas on how to get a raccoon down from a pole when all you have is the stuff in your pockets and the equipment in your news van?

[–]iamagainstit 1 point2 points ago

most documentarists and reporters have a do not intervene policy

[–]itsinthebone 8 points9 points ago

All I could think of when seeing this is Ace Ventura 2

[–]wiithepiiple 4 points5 points ago

[–]marcosss123 0 points1 point ago

WHY? WHY MAKE ME RELIVE MY SADDEST CHILDHOOD MOMENT?

[–]MaverickD -1 points0 points ago

If you were me, than I'd be you, and I'd use your bird to get to the top!

[–]dfolez 1 point2 points ago

WHAT ABOUT THE ANIMAL CARGO??...

[–]frasier_crane 4 points5 points ago

Did he survive??? I need to know! Tell me, americans!

[–]Kitty_party 0 points1 point ago

I know right! I need a happy ending!!

[–]IMasturbateToMyself 7 points8 points ago

Love the shot, good job cameraman!

[–]jonosvision 2 points3 points ago

I watched it cycle 4 times before realizing it did not say "Bacon stuck on top of pole."

[–]jschwabee 5 points6 points ago

[–]smileshigh 1 point2 points ago

I can't believe how low this comment is, this was the first think I thought of!

[–]REDDIT- 2 points3 points ago

That's not animated..

[–]wickedweather -2 points-1 points ago

GOB's mouth is moving.

[–]REDDIT- 1 point2 points ago

It's not an animated gif. Click the link you posted.

[–]chadridesabike 1 point2 points ago

Anyone else waiting for it to jump down on the camera guy?

[–]Brain_stew 1 point2 points ago

In case anyone is interested in knowing, my grandfather was the one to call KCTV5 about this poor little guy. Gramps has always had a soft heart for animals and called all of the news stations and some radio stations in KC trying to get some help for what he thought was a baby opossum. From my understanding he was taken down safely by a Power & Light worker with a bucket truck.

[–]obscurethestorm 2 points3 points ago

Oh, Kansas City. If someone's not getting murdered or a tornado isn't going through or something isn't on fire, you have nothing else to do.

[–]AJRiddle 8 points9 points ago

http://www.theatlanticcities.com/arts-and-lifestyle/2012/03/how-big-your-city-really/1444/

We often have a certain sense of cities’ importance and size, but this is too often founded on a fairly parochial context; our perceptions of cities are based on other cities we are familiar with or that are around it, and we neglect to recognize how big or small cities really are.

This was made clear to me when I moved to Kansas City, Missouri, last year. Kansas City is not particularly large in terms of population compared to other U.S. cities and has a certain small-town feel. However, after doing a bit of research online, I was astonished to discover that if Kansas City were moved north of the border, it would be a contender for the third most populous metropolitan area in Canada. In other words, the Kansas City metro area has around the same number of people as Vancouver’s.

Kansas City would also be the second largest metro area in France. If the Kansas City metropolitan area was its own country it would rank #147, above countries like Latvia, Slovenia, Botswana, Qatar (where the World Cup will be after Brazil), the Bahamas, Iceland, and the list goes on.

But yeah, lets just pretend there is nothing to do in a city with 2 million people.

[–]obscurethestorm -1 points0 points ago

But yeah, lets just pretend that obscurethestorm's post wasn't a sarcastic comment having to do with a raccoon on the news.

FTFY

[–]shokker 2 points3 points ago

Fortunately, someone's always getting murdered around here. Or our mayor and city council are trying to kill each other.

[–]bethanyj 2 points3 points ago

Don't forget the mayor's punk ass son.

[–]gorillahead 0 points1 point ago

God his son is such a little fucking punk how he hasnt been shot yet I don't have a fucking clue.

[–]bethanyj 0 points1 point ago

He came close that one time at Sunfresh.

[–]obscurethestorm 1 point2 points ago

And also, it's a fantastic place to hear gunshots.

[–]waffleninja 0 points1 point ago

I thought there were lots of drugs there.

[–]uncle_jessie 0 points1 point ago

It's one of the biggest meth producing areas in the country. I believe Missouri is number 1 or 2 overall.

[–]obscurethestorm 0 points1 point ago

Sorry, I live on the Kansas side. Didn't even think about specifying which I was talking about.

[–]eddswift 2 points3 points ago

anyone else expect GOB?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Lord-Longbottom 1 point2 points ago

(For us English aristocrats, I leave you this 1,000 miles -> 8000.0 Furlongs) - Pip pip cheerio chaps!

[–]Sirromnad 0 points1 point ago

think the cameraman was way to into this shot.

[–]JTMTL 0 points1 point ago

I think the cameraman has seen one too many dramas on TV.

[–]iKaka 0 points1 point ago

That is some pro camera work right there

[–]Yoko337 0 points1 point ago

Rocket Raccoon is not pleased

[–]themightyscott 0 points1 point ago

"HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

[–]legendofj 0 points1 point ago

Is that a field goal post? If so, all you have to do is get a running start and volleyball spike it off of there.

[–]Kozimix 0 points1 point ago

should, should, should, should, should, should

[–]NasalSnack 0 points1 point ago

That's actually breaking news, must have forgot to put that special bar for it on the screen.

[–]ItzFish 0 points1 point ago

How he got up there, the world may never know.

[–]MrHappyMan 0 points1 point ago

[–]carhats 0 points1 point ago

Gotta love that dramatic pull out.

[–]FireFlameSpitlz 0 points1 point ago

I love a dramatic pull out...it can get messy though

[–]Freelancer68 0 points1 point ago

Silly coon. Just use your ROCKET SKATES!

[–]ppatches24 0 points1 point ago

So cute! Reminds me of my baby raccoon!

[–]niamhish 0 points1 point ago

I thought that said 'bacon stuck on top of pole". I think I need to visit my optician soon!

[–]kaahooters 0 points1 point ago

" I'm pretty sure I can poop on the camera lens from here"

[–]Ranga92 0 points1 point ago

I immediately regret this decision!

[–]knalbtniop 0 points1 point ago

Did someone say steak? http://i.imgur.com/3vh4n.jpg

[–]Lolpaca 0 points1 point ago

This would happen in my home town...

[–]stu55 0 points1 point ago

One of my favorite arrested development episodes...I've made a huge mistake

[–]neverbeaten 0 points1 point ago

He was looking for Hermano.

[–]TON3R 0 points1 point ago

I was honestly expecting the raccoon to shit on the cameraman...

[–]deathbytray 0 points1 point ago

"Like the guy in $4000 raccoon suit is going to slide down this pole..."

[–]hellofreaky 0 points1 point ago

Ha, I saw it a raccoon on top of a shark's fin until the end!

[–]jankety 0 points1 point ago

In case anyone was wondering how it got up there:

http://youtu.be/ZSS5dEeMX64?t=2m32s

[–]showstopping 0 points1 point ago

[–]attentionwhore01 0 points1 point ago

I once had a beaver stuck on my pole.

[–]King_of_the_Lurkers 0 points1 point ago

Looks like Lame Pun Coon made one bad pun to many...

[–]birdman_2000 0 points1 point ago

I drove past this little guy. Least i did or there have been 2 raccoon's stuck up a metal pole in KC. You know anything you do that is embarrassing these days someone has to film. Even for animals. He will never live this down.

[–]jazzychill17 0 points1 point ago

MY LOCAL NEWS STATION! YEAH KANSAS CITY!

[–]Salmanwilltroll 0 points1 point ago

This was in the News? What was the follow up? squirrel eats 2 nuts?

[–]electropunk42 -5 points-4 points ago

Oh they look cute but they are nothing but trouble. Over the course of this summer, a few of those little bastards have been wreaking havoc on my roof, in my yard, broke into the garage, dig in my garden, etc. They are destructive. Even if I put a heavy rock on the garbage can, they still figure out a way to tip it over. They also bully my cat. I despise them. They are like big rats. The little prick deserves to be stuck on a pole.

[–]SirDiego -1 points0 points ago

Planking has gone too far!!

[–]Stylux -1 points0 points ago

TIL people think KC is dangerous.

[–]clowenswork -3 points-2 points ago

Damn i was expecting him to jump down on the cameraman for teh lolz

[–]IMongoose -4 points-3 points ago

Me too, I imagined it and then laughed.

[–]iwantedtoexplode -1 points0 points ago

Hmm...Which of these human heads should i jump on? oh shit!!!!!!!

[–]HonBad -1 points0 points ago

[–]toolusingmonkeys -1 points0 points ago

Switch the raccoon with that meowth that could speak English for some reason and say it with me : team rocket is blasting off agaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnnn..........,

[–]bionic4life -1 points0 points ago

He only did it because his buddies said the was garbage at the top.

[–]grifkiller64 -1 points0 points ago

Fucking infotainment bullshit.

[–]MistrMink -1 points0 points ago

Nothing a 22mag won't solve.

[–]asdfman123 -2 points-1 points ago

I really hope this wasn't a real story.

[–]Zenphobia -3 points-2 points ago

I kept praying for it to jump on to the camera man.

[–]Sietseo -5 points-4 points ago

I would like to try this, what are my chances of survival?