this post was submitted on
1,465 points (53% like it)
11,705 up votes 10,240 down votes

funny

subscribe2,467,129 readers

6,143 users here now

PLEASE, No posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

top 200 commentsshow all 207

[–]patefoisgras 259 points260 points ago

My mom's new boyfriend was cool. Plus he had a teenage daughter.

[–]Simba7 435 points436 points ago

had

You're not going to meet a nice girl if you keep killing all the ones you meet.

[–]furyasd 87 points88 points ago

But I need the organs. You know, for money.

[–]fondlemeLeroy 140 points141 points ago

It's a vicious cycle. In order to impress women you need money, but the only logical way to acquire said money is harvesting women for their organs.

[–]furyasd 16 points17 points ago

Oh nice idea man. How did not I remember that?

[–]lolidragon 36 points37 points ago

[–]rabidsi 13 points14 points ago

Selling organs to survive? Sounds like a pretty tight operation.

Capitalism, ho!

[–]Legionaairre 12 points13 points ago

You calling my system a whore?

[–]fridgeridoo 2 points3 points ago

I'll give you my lungs now and you'll give me those gills in a week or so.

[–]batpony 1 point2 points ago

i love this game

[–]A_Chewy_Lemon 1 point2 points ago

What game is it and in which direction should I throw my money towards to get this the fastest.

[–]batpony 4 points5 points ago

Just in case you didn't see klayerx reply! Recettear: An Item Shop's Tale

[–]angryzor 0 points1 point ago

Posting to save until this post has been answered

[–]klayerx 6 points7 points ago

Recettear: An Item Shop's Tale - available on Steam

[–]reddidd 0 points1 point ago

I love you. I just downloaded the demo and tried it, and it is amazingly fun. I'm going to buy it after my exams are over.

[–]endlegion 1 point2 points ago

No no no.

For Pâté de Foie Gras. Delicious Foie Gras.

[–]HNIJTM 15 points16 points ago

She turned 20.

[–]DanGarf 0 points1 point ago

C'mon Scar, get off Simba's account.

[–]john_keating 27 points28 points ago

.........

[–]patefoisgras 50 points51 points ago

Oh, come on.

[–]nibbling_totoros 20 points21 points ago

If I've learned anything from that epic reddit thread: "Throwaway time! What's your secret that could literally ruin your life if it came out?"...

:edit: For those interested in reading that thread, know that it has +31,000 comments- so its gonna take a while to load

[–]Dragoniel 16 points17 points ago

Oh, 35k comments? Well, here goes the rest of the day. I bid you farewell.

[–]VinRayd 22 points23 points ago

Before you go. BEWARE OF THE CUM BOX.

[–]ProcrastinatingNomad 4 points5 points ago

Oh God damn you. I had forgotten about that. Time to go huff some bleach and forget about it again.

[–]WhyYouGetAnUpvote 1 point2 points ago

You get an upvote because no one should be unaware of the CUM BOX.

[–]TheRealEggNogAdam 1 point2 points ago

Shit. I am now aware of the Cum Box.

[–]UsedToBeSmart 0 points1 point ago

goddamnit, I saw references to the cum box all over that thread, but I never did find the actual comment.

[–]VinRayd 1 point2 points ago

Google it man, it's so worth it. Some guy wrote a whole blog highlighting the best of that thread, you will find what you ate looking for there.

[–]byproxxy 1 point2 points ago

Oh man, I can't believe you didn't get to see it. Here you go, friend.

[–]UsedToBeSmart 0 points1 point ago

Thank you!! I think. Actually maybe I should reserve my thanks until after I read it...

[–]UsedToBeSmart 0 points1 point ago

OH GOD LOL.... here's your Thank you

[–]Calistilaigh 1 point2 points ago

That was... depressing.

[–]TheMoro 1 point2 points ago

Holy shit. Cum Box, Sex with everything. I will never be the same. In a good way...I really have nothing to complain about. I've been really down lately, got a really bad back and find it hard to get through a day at work and driving an hour or hour and a half each way is just so painful. But holy fuck it's nothing compared to that thread.

  • I'm booked in with a specialist in 5 weeks to hopefully do something about it. I'm sure it will require surgery of some kind but won't know until I get an MRI. I just have to push through and keep paying the bills until then...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Holy shit... I just spend 4 hours on that thread... I wanna say fuck you for helping me waste my life, but really I the salacious details... except those that made me do this!

[–]hotsauce69247 12 points13 points ago

Wrestling match time?

[–]mattwaver 1 point2 points ago

I don't see why this is a good thing. It's not like you're going to date someone who could potentially be your step sister?

Unless you would...

You sick fuck.

[–]dreamerize 1 point2 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]aryaf 0 points1 point ago

"My Mom's Hot Daughter.com"

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Le-Captain-Obvious 9 points10 points ago

thatsthejoke.jpg

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Le-Captain-Obvious 1 point2 points ago

Ah. I figured he messed up at first, but then saw your comment and was confused, and at that point it seemed he intended that. I wasn't sure who fucked up. Anyway, my apologies.

[–]JoshCSB -1 points0 points ago

did you wrestle?

[–]Millsey 114 points115 points ago

Which one were you?

[–]xThreeDogx[S] 647 points648 points ago

The black guy

[–]NotaMethAddict 202 points203 points ago

[–]iBird 33 points34 points ago

Does he has his own subreddit or something. Strangely... I feel like I need more.

[–]spgtothemax 2 points3 points ago

*does he have his, FTFY

[–]subtly_irrelevant 59 points60 points ago

Funny thing is, it wouldn't be half as funny if it were two white guys.

[–]elk_attack 46 points47 points ago

you really live up to your name

[–]subtly_irrelevant 36 points37 points ago

I'd imagine it's easier too than yours.

[–]elk_attack 30 points31 points ago

you'd be surprised

[–]DominatingMrPants 23 points24 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/5THLz.jpg I only have a sheep to offer you.

[–]fondlemeLeroy 20 points21 points ago

Welp. Never thought I'd shit myself over a sheep again.

[–]fondlemeLeroy 8 points9 points ago

Oh, like you've never snuck onto a farm in the dead of night and pooped on a sheep.

[–]Daibuoxx 12 points13 points ago

Poor Meg

[–]OriginalPounderOfAss 12 points13 points ago

again...?

[–]Kalimari 4 points5 points ago

Flashbacks of Catherine....

[–]TapDatApp 2 points3 points ago

Great freakin' game.

[–]GTCharged 1 point2 points ago

This game?

[–]Canucklehead99 2 points3 points ago

Yes, yes you were.

[–]_proPAIN_ -2 points-1 points ago

[–]xThreeDogx[S] 11 points12 points ago

Thanks for listening, chillllldren!

[–]formad12 3 points4 points ago

Hear him, and obey!

[–]BananaInsane121 5 points6 points ago

The first guy. The other one is the guy from the Predator movies, Kony.

[–]splewis 2 points3 points ago

I don't get it either. Is the boyfriend the other one trying to hard to get the kid to like him?

Or is the kid trying to get the attention of this older man but he doesn't care?

1st seems more likely, but it switches the ages up...

[–]Senor_Wilson 23 points24 points ago

Why would the son care if his moms new boyfriend liked him? Use that thing in your head.

[–]peeringwound 0 points1 point ago

You have a skull.. inside your head!

[–]splewis 0 points1 point ago

He wouldn't, but the ages make it confusing.

Also: fuck you.

[–]Kanye_Westicles 1 point2 points ago

If you have ever been in the situation, you know its the first. The faux "happiness to meet you" would make a cult leader blush.

[–]cursinginbraille 33 points34 points ago

Why does he keep looking back at him? He's obviously just gonna do the same thing. I don't understand this at all.

[–]Average913 70 points71 points ago

I don't care how many times this GIF gets reposted, I fucking love it.

[–]red321red321 57 points58 points ago

then why don't you marry it?

[–]Kanye_Westicles 69 points70 points ago

because he's been engaged to a box of Reese's Puff Cereal since the late 90s.

[–]I_MAKE_USERNAMES 33 points34 points ago

Reese's? For breakfast???

[–]Kanye_Westicles 34 points35 points ago

sigh

Not candy, Reese's Puff Cereal!

[–]I_MAKE_USERNAMES 16 points17 points ago

WHAAAA?????

has heart attack, dies

[–]Kanye_Westicles 5 points6 points ago

Paul goes to jail for manslaughter and gets stabbed in the yard over a pack of cigarettes, we get our childhoods back.

[–]silverfennec 2 points3 points ago

Damnit now the song from that commercial is in my head. Reese's puffs Reese's puffs, peanut butta chocolate flava

[–]I_MAKE_USERNAMES 0 points1 point ago

I don't remember a song...?

[–]silverfennec 0 points1 point ago

I think it was from five years ago or something. but it's all I can think about whenever I see something about Reese's puffs. I guess I'm the only one.

[–]giveer 5 points6 points ago

why buy the cow when you can get the sex for free?

[–]Xenocide1993 -2 points-1 points ago

9gag, you are not welcome here on reddit

[–]ThatWeirdNewGuy 39 points40 points ago

I relate to this.

[–]luckytoto 33 points34 points ago

[–]jv13hi 10 points11 points ago

That was extremely relevant.

[–]soulkissernl 5 points6 points ago

The way the kid says Doritos is so adorable.

[–]kyledouglas521 2 points3 points ago

Perfect.

[–]Lisu 10 points11 points ago

I was super excited to meet moms new boyfriend 5 years ago. I was even more excited when my mom called me 5 months ago and told me he had proposed.

[–]superatheist95 16 points17 points ago

are you a female?

[–]skepticalDragon 5 points6 points ago

Clearly.

[–]Lisu 1 point2 points ago

Yeah

[–]NapkinDaVinci 16 points17 points ago

I know that feel. "Do you like Seether? I LOVE Seether!" NO I DON'T LIKE FUCKIN' SEETHER.

[–]Kanye_Westicles 20 points21 points ago

FUCK, why do they all like Seether?? Is this guy fucking both of our moms here??

[–]imh 25 points26 points ago

Weird. I don't even know what Seether is, and I'm fucking both your moms too.

[–]Kanye_Westicles 7 points8 points ago

This is a very inappropriate way to break the news to me, sir.

[–]DarrelSirens 3 points4 points ago

How so? The dude doesn't know Seether, he's cool as fuck!

[–]imh 1 point2 points ago

I'm sorry. I could think of no more appropriate way to admit my ignorance.

[–]RageX 2 points3 points ago

At the same time.

[–]dmcnelly 1 point2 points ago

Dadcore is incredibly popular with the 40-50 set. Seether falls into Dadcore territory. (Not to be confused with Dadrock.)

[–]Simba7 8 points9 points ago

I lucked out, I think. My mom was briefly engaged to the man who first introduced me to the wonders of Mechwarrior 2, then later dated the man who convinced her to get, and helped her acquire, a Nintendo 64 for us kids the Christmas it came out.

Also that second guy was generally awesome in several other ways, but alas.

[–]danamos 1 point2 points ago

Shit kinda got weird in the last part there.

[–]Simba7 1 point2 points ago

How?

[–]Shanhaevel 0 points1 point ago

Gay test passed.

[–]Le-Captain-Obvious 2 points3 points ago

... I like Seether...

[–]kcman011 29 points30 points ago

So you were like 25 years older than her boyfriend? I'd be looking at him in disgust, too.

[–]xThreeDogx[S] 77 points78 points ago

[–]GC022 2 points3 points ago

This gif amused me. Thanks

[–]michaelrohansmith 4 points5 points ago

My mother always hated doing that because then her boyfriend would find out how old her sons were.

[–]sophmahgotes 2 points3 points ago

Going through exact same situation with my dad's girlfriend and her son. No bueno.

[–]zigzagjake 2 points3 points ago

exactly how i feel whenever I have to meet my sisters new boyfriend

[–]joejoejimmyjoe 2 points3 points ago

America: where moms have boyfriends

[–]dxrebirth 4 points5 points ago

I wasn't that excited. I was just getting used to her last BF's dick. Change is rough.

[–]Daibuoxx 9 points10 points ago

what

[–]senorrawr 2 points3 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]FO_sachi 4 points5 points ago

You are looking at this in the wrong light...free stuff!!!!

[–]Gioware 4 points5 points ago

Ha ha that motherfucker

[–]Syncopia 1 point2 points ago

Guy: "Hey champ!"

Me: "Bitch....... Please."

[–]learntofart 1 point2 points ago

Glad my mom's forever alone.

[–]Darrian 1 point2 points ago

Tell him he can buy your approval.

[–]agonybooth 1 point2 points ago

Just remember next time your mom kisses you he is putting his penis in that same mouth.

[–]TwoLegsJoe 1 point2 points ago

Sucks man. Keep on fighting the good fight.

[–]adzug 1 point2 points ago

i dont know the name of the actor but thats some funny shite

[–]Game25900 1 point2 points ago

I remember meeting my mum's new boyfriend, it was awkward because he's two years younger than me, i'm 23. He was in the same class as my partner in school.

[–]pjoconnor32 1 point2 points ago

lol. my favorite 5 seconds of the office

[–]kingdavecako 1 point2 points ago

Can any black male members of the reddit community clarify the meaning of this gesture?

[–]messah 3 points4 points ago

They don't think it be like it is, but it do.

[–]AzMoo 2 points3 points ago

So I haven't ever been in this situation, but I don't understand why you wouldn't try and accept him. It's probably not his fault your parents didn't work out, and by shutting him out you're making it harder for your mum to find happiness.

[–]Elanthius 10 points11 points ago

Accepting him is one thing but you don't need to let him get away with trying to be your hip new best friend either.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

"Hey buddy! Just call me Dad! We are gonna have so much fun!"

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]AzMoo 1 point2 points ago

That sucks. It's gotta go both ways. Mutual respect, you know?

[–]whiskeyonsunday 5 points6 points ago

Because sometimes moms have really bad taste in men.

[–]Meowschu 0 points1 point ago

As far as I'm concerned if you are a mother and your boyfriend has more issues than a 20 year old stripper, then the two of you deserve each other. The point of a relationship is to be healthier, better influences on each other. If you can't understand that then you're just a train wreck and shouldn't be in a relationship.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

My mom's new boyfriend is an alcoholic who was thrown in prison for not paying his child support despite having steady employment, doesn't keep in contact with his children from two different mothers, and can't drive because he got caught drunk driving too many times. He's not a good person and I'm not about to meet him. He's a rebound from the divorce. We don't talk much to begin with and she's never been very supportive (I don't think she knows my birthday or what year of college I'm in), so I don't feel bad about having no interest in meeting that guy. Some families are just different.

[–]Shaboz 0 points1 point ago

True that

[–]verugan 0 points1 point ago

Depends, after the fourth or fifth one you kind of give up on trying.

[–]laschupacabras 4 points5 points ago

Just because someone's a convict doesn't mean you have to give them the cold shoulder. Learn to open up and learn about someone before you shut them out. Racism is disgusting and I would hate to see it perpetuated between two African Americans, especially with so much crime in the African American community. Please try to be open-minded.

[–]kilo4fun 2 points3 points ago

Word, as a convicted motherfucker, I love playing video games and listening to your music too.

[–]Madcardigan 7 points8 points ago

Preferably in your house whilst you're away on vacation.

[–]schniggens 0 points1 point ago

He's younger than you?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Dude, he should be seeking for your approval if anything, not the other way around.

[–]chefman777 0 points1 point ago

Your mom's boyfriend is younger than you?

[–]CoCoMartinez 0 points1 point ago

C'mon, I wasn't that bad

[–]austin43 0 points1 point ago

This man has met every 13 year old on the Internet...

[–]WayneDaniels 0 points1 point ago

It was nice to meet you today as well.

[–]amb_e 0 points1 point ago

A repost, but nice try! not down voting ya... :-)

[–]Shaboz 0 points1 point ago

My moms bf bought tickets for me and my brother to see metallica in concert... since then I thought he was cool enough to bang my mom.

[–]TheReverend403 7 points8 points ago

So, if I bought you Metallica tickets...

[–]greg94080 0 points1 point ago

thats the look my brother in law gives me every time I see him.

[–]sasemax 0 points1 point ago

Where's this from?

[–]novagenesis 0 points1 point ago

Remember, everyone needs sex. Even your mom. (Especially her)

[–]ytsoc 0 points1 point ago

you're older than your mother's bf?

[–]GreaterGatsby84 0 points1 point ago

She'll never go back.

[–]imagine22jc 0 points1 point ago

Omg that's so true!! I'm a white girl but I bet I make that same face!!!

[–]Kristyyyyyyy 0 points1 point ago

[–]the_ugly_snail 0 points1 point ago

YOU'RE BLACK?!

[–]th3b3arj3w 0 points1 point ago

I know that feel.

[–]acemacc 0 points1 point ago

I'll see you at dinner.

[–]norsurfit 0 points1 point ago

I'm no therapist, but that doesn't bode well for your parent's marriage...

[–]DonaldsPizzaHaven 0 points1 point ago

...so he's the younger one?

[–]Lizz287 -2 points-1 points ago

If I could like this one hundred times I WOULD

[–]TokyoXtreme -2 points-1 points ago

He diss you like dat? Dat shit's cold.