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all 12 comments

[–]i_start_fires 24 points25 points ago

It saddens me with the amount of misinformation that's out there. Just because they have faces, people tend to anthropomorphize elves, but their physiology is so different that we can't apply human norms to their way of life.

There is nothing wrong with feeding them twice a week. This is actually the perfect balance for their metabolism. As for seeing their "families", once an elf reaches puberty it naturally releases a hormone that repels other members of the same litter. This is likely an evolutionary advantage to reduce inbreeding and spread genetic diversity. In captivity, elves that are not separated from siblings, parents and even first cousins have higher rates of heart disease, psychological problems, and mange.

It is also sometimes regrettably necessary to prevent escape by force. A domesticated elf quickly becomes feral in the wild. Their immune systems are very strong, but they quickly become carriers of rabies, malaria and spotted fever. Moreover, their instincts tend to draw them toward children, being similar in appearance and stature, making elves particularly dangerous if left unchecked.

[–]captainisrael 2 points3 points ago

Not sure if actual elf expert or trolling..

[–]nukulr 28 points29 points ago

Thanks for putting the punchline in the title

[–]Feltron 6 points7 points ago

Not only that, but in all caps, so I was sure to have the funny part screamed in my face. Thanks OP.

[–]sgtpepper901 3 points4 points ago

It ruined the entire fucking thing. I would have laughed my ass off, but no. This bitch ruined it.

[–]TidesofAsh 5 points6 points ago

[–]JerosScotland 2 points3 points ago

Fucks sake check yourself, they are not human, they don't have the same rights as us.

Used to go out hunting elves at the country club, keeps the number in check don't you know.

We need to start torching the outlying villages too, they are getting a bit to big for their tiny boots.

[–]ARYAWILLKILLYOU 1 point2 points ago

holy crap... I have found this year's xmas card

[–]CetusSI 1 point2 points ago

[–]MrTroon 1 point2 points ago

I laughed really hard at this. I don't know why..but I did.

[–]flyingfishy58 0 points1 point ago

yes... snow.

[–]markman71122 0 points1 point ago

In the fucking head.