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top 200 commentsshow all 324

[–]Iscream4science 380 points381 points ago

the creepy picture makes it perfect

[–]TheAlcoholocaust 218 points219 points ago

That guy is DEFINITELY not going to fuck this warm grapefruit. No way.

[–]SWEATY_BALL_SACK 170 points171 points ago

Warm grapefruit?

No one ever said anything about it being warm. What do you know???

[–]TheAlcoholocaust 162 points163 points ago

I..uh...I...umm...

QUIT LOOKING ME IN THE EYES GODDAMNIT!

[–]Keepitloki 58 points59 points ago

Can't stop thinking about a grapefruit with googly eyes now. Thank you

[–]ooo0ooo 85 points86 points ago

[–]townenorbit 54 points55 points ago

theres officially everything on the internet now.

[–]ghjm 70 points71 points ago

That was the last thing?

[–]burt_raynolds 72 points73 points ago

Time to shut it down.

[–]American_Assface 30 points31 points ago

NONONONONONONONO I'M NOT DONE YET I HAVEN'T DOWNLOADED ALL MY PORN YET

[–]xSARGEx117x 26 points27 points ago

No, I still haven't seen Barack Obama/ Mother Teresa yet.

[–]prof_xxx 36 points37 points ago

The internet delivers

[–]SquirrelPower 12 points13 points ago

That's coming next Tuesday. Mark your calendar!

[–]MagnusTheGreat 7 points8 points ago

Apparently old men dancing naked in the shower and fucking is just normal...

[–]GrizlyAdams 7 points8 points ago

On the Internet, yes. Anywhere else, ehh plausible.

[–]Notrub42 4 points5 points ago

On meth it is.

[–]Potchi79 17 points18 points ago

That was the final boss of the internet.

[–]Alarconadame 1 point2 points ago

what about inflatable-doll lips???

[–]tre101 0 points1 point ago

Why isn't it purple :/

[–]PeanutButtaBandit 0 points1 point ago

Relevant Rule 34

[–]YoYoJimbo 1 point2 points ago

Then stop turning around!!!!!!

[–]callmesuspect 23 points24 points ago

Who the fuck would fuck a cold grapefruit?

[–]gettinhightakinrides 26 points27 points ago

yeah, seriously. only a fucking weirdo would fuck a grapefruit when its cold

[–]Se7en_Sinner 9 points10 points ago

The friction between the flesh of the fruit and shaft of the penis would generate enough heat to warm it anyways.

[–]SWEATY_BALL_SACK 22 points23 points ago

It'll give you a sweaty ball sack as well.

[–]I_make_things 13 points14 points ago

How would you kn-

oh

[–]ghjm 17 points18 points ago

Only if you fuck it like an insane Chihuahua on crystal meth with a cattle prod up its ass.

[–]commom_username 13 points14 points ago

is there any other way, really..?

[–]KonigderWasserpfeife 1 point2 points ago

You clearly aren't fucking cold fruits, SWEATY_BALL_SACK...

[–]Bigman6693 0 points1 point ago

He's probably referring to the grapefruit jokes in Good Luck Chuck, but I don't know how common fucking warm grapefruits is so maybe not.

[–]rashka9 0 points1 point ago

the movie good luck chuck

[–]hatesinsomnia 24 points25 points ago

Never fucked fruit myself, and no future plans to do so, but I gotta ask...wouldn't the citric acid burn like a mother fucker? What do I know? Maybe that's how he gets off.

[–]edman007 2 points3 points ago

I was thinking watermelon ....citrus fruit are small ...

[–]iplaydoctor 7 points8 points ago

I asked one of my Jewish friends if Alcoholocaust was a good name for a huge party or if it was offensive. He looked at me like I'm an idiot. Fair enough.

[–]Apeirogon 40 points41 points ago

While we're on the topic of fucking grapefruit.[NSFW]

[–]LemonFrosted 82 points83 points ago

I only have myself to blame...

[–]scottsmith46 32 points33 points ago

you've really seen it all when you've seen a black bodybuilder fuck a grapefruit in half...

[–]burt_raynolds 27 points28 points ago

You watched the whole thing too, huh?

[–]trampus1 14 points15 points ago

Several times. That guy needs a bigger fruit.

[–]burt_raynolds 24 points25 points ago

Like...a watermelon?

[–]trampus1 4 points5 points ago

Any kind of melon would do, or perhaps something from the squash family. Even an eggplant could work in a pinch.

[–]eggplant_surprise 22 points23 points ago

shh dont tell him about me

[–]blkirishbastard727 6 points7 points ago

A black person is mentioned. Within four comments, racist joke. You never disappoint me, internet.

[–]Cognitive_Dissonant 3 points4 points ago

Man I didn't even put that together. I thought he was just commenting on his huge shlong. Guess he could've gone with pumpkin?

[–]brosenfeld 3 points4 points ago

GIVE HIM A PINEAPPLE!!!

[–]mainstreaminghipster 10 points11 points ago

I tried closing the tab but the guy got really into it once he tried piercing the thing with his dick so I though I'd owe it to him to watch it all.

[–]scottsmith46 3 points4 points ago

Unfortunately :/

[–]SWEATY_BALL_SACK 22 points23 points ago

why

[–]vonmon2 2 points3 points ago

How the fuck did you decide to make that your username?(

[–]RageDoll 9 points10 points ago

Well... that's enough internet for one day.

[–]btbk2010 2 points3 points ago

Agreed, time to go back to work

[–]gettinhightakinrides 10 points11 points ago

is it bad that i watched the whole thing to see how it would end?

[–]Okrean 66 points67 points ago

Don't fucking click that...

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

This should be higher up

[–]IntensityStudio 34 points35 points ago

My link was already purple, oh god

[–]Dandaman3452 3 points4 points ago

Tis now , you may thank me

[–]brosenfeld 6 points7 points ago

If you have hoverzoom, you don't have to click on it.

[–]kichigai-ichiban 21 points22 points ago

OH GOD... the citric acid... the tip!

Would this not burn? like a lot... like lemon juice in the dickhole burn a lot?

[–]unclerummy 15 points16 points ago

Sooooooo... you're familiar with the feel of lemon juice in the dickhole, are you?

[–]SpaceSharkUhOh 5 points6 points ago

To be fair, lemon juice should not go into any hole.

[–]kichigai-ichiban 0 points1 point ago

Why yes... Are you not familiar with the LJ-DH pain scale?

I would probably rate a grapefruit as a 3.5 to 4 drips, possibly more depending on how much ramming is involved.

[–]Kyakan 10 points11 points ago

TIL there are people both able and willing to literally fuck a grapefruit in half.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

Rule Thirty Fucking Four

[–]blkirishbastard727 6 points7 points ago

I was like "Oh, well it's too late now, guess I have to see this gif to its finish..." BUT THAT WENT ON FOREVER.

[–]GeneralCortex 4 points5 points ago

What I want to know is why is he wearing shoes?

[–]blkirishbastard727 4 points5 points ago

Traction.

[–]shibblywibbly 5 points6 points ago

I didn't even need to click. That video has been playing in a constant mind-loop ever since I first saw it.

For some reason the face in my mind belongs to Terry Crews though. The faces he can make just seem more appropriate.

[–]tmelee 2 points3 points ago

I just couldn't stop watching.

[–]Kmaun_Lee 2 points3 points ago

I don't know what I expected.

[–]InsidiousVendetta 7 points8 points ago

I know what I expected, I don't know why I clicked

[–]NBornKillerCell 2 points3 points ago

Well, I don't know what I expected...

[–]GrizlyAdams 2 points3 points ago

Ya know, the picture came up but for some reason I waited for it to load and move.... ._.

[–]ezfrag 2 points3 points ago

I've seen some fucked up stuff on the net in my time, but damnit, that was a whole new amazing level of crazy shit.

[–]Dandaman3452 1 point2 points ago

Dude you haven't seen the onionnet or usenet 0.o

[–]ezfrag 2 points3 points ago

Usenet lost it's appeal to me almost 20 years ago, before it was really WTF. As for oninonnet, I have to admit, I have never even peeled back the first layer.

[–]ShinyPichu 2 points3 points ago

I just watched the whole thing. ಠ_ಠ

[–]Notrub42 2 points3 points ago

Is it bad if I found this hilarious?

[–]432wrsf 2 points3 points ago

I vote this one of the best things I have seen today.

[–]PottsProngs 0 points1 point ago

He's making juice.

[–]ihatethissite 2 points3 points ago

Grapfruit? Too acidic. I'd go with watermelon. Not that I've done this or anything. But if I did, I'd definitely go with watermelon.

[–]StangSwim89 1 point2 points ago

Am I the only one thinking that the citric acid in a grapefruit would sting like a mother fucker?

[–]audacious1 0 points1 point ago

wouldn't the citrus burn? ahh hell what do i know

[–]freakedoutbunny 0 points1 point ago

I'm just a girl, but wouldn't it be horrible to get grapefruit juice in your penis? I would think that a section of seedless watermelon would be the way to go. Am I wrong?

[–]Shoeboxes0 0 points1 point ago

A grapefruit? Oh god, that would sting and be terrible.

[–]ReDocter17 2 points3 points ago

I also like that he is titled the Pitman...which fruit do you think he has?

[–]totallytruenotfalse 1 point2 points ago

A peach. He could eat a peach for hours.

[–]WoofGoesTheDog 0 points1 point ago

his name is pitfruit, you know

[–]FOR_SClENCE 0 points1 point ago

I'm not entirely sure I want something this creepy on a post with my name in it.

[–]antipeoplemachine 93 points94 points ago

Taking the g out of grapefruit...

[–]MinecraftHardon 25 points26 points ago

I'm going to grapefruit you in the mouth!

[–]burstaneurysm 4 points5 points ago

Why isn't it purple?

[–]Darkfire4599 0 points1 point ago

Aziz

[–]jh3li 207 points208 points ago

LOL 2 minutes ago.

[–]orphanitis 3 points4 points ago

People need to get smarter, just photoshop the time of post out.

[–]IceOnFire97 33 points34 points ago

[–]Psythik 24 points25 points ago

Yeah? Well Firefox lets your browse in THREE DEE

[–]saltycandie 5 points6 points ago

i tried to touch it...

[–]MrMackay 3 points4 points ago

Whoa

[–]IceOnFire97 1 point2 points ago

I have Firefox, I couldn't figure out how to do this. Can you please tell me?

[–]Psythik 1 point2 points ago

Ctrl+Shift+I (or Firefox button > Web Developer > Inspect), then click the 3D View button on the bottom.

[–]IceOnFire97 2 points3 points ago

I can't find the 3D button.

[–]Psythik 1 point2 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/PMJbZ.png

What graphics card do you have? It needs to be a dedicated GPU. That Intel HD Graphics bullshit won't work.

Also, you need Firefox 11 or newer.

[–]Doopz479 10 points11 points ago

If -4000 - 5 bajillion = -9000, then is a bajillion just a thousand?

[–]IceOnFire97 3 points4 points ago

Yes.

[–]waviecrockett 1 point2 points ago

Or Safari (turn on Developer menu)

Or Firefox (Firebug addon)

I prefer the Webkit inspector over Firebug though

[–]powerchicken 17 points18 points ago

Well spotted. OP downvoted.

[–]belhamster 89 points90 points ago

why? you can't post your own fake question yahoo answers. It must be someone else's fake question?

[–]Potchi79 21 points22 points ago

Good point.

[–]Taylor--Swift 3 points4 points ago

It's a repost, OP wasn't the one who took the screenshot.

[–]chrom_ed 26 points27 points ago

Why is that in any way relevant? Here's a simple /r/funny guide folks: if you laughed, up vote, if you didn't at least smile, down vote. There, done.

[–]totallytruenotfalse 16 points17 points ago

Right, this is /r/funny not /r/overanalysisbeforedecidingthemeritsofhumor

[–]chrom_ed 12 points13 points ago

Not a real sub :(

[–]LobtheLobster 3 points4 points ago

I clicked on the second one expecting it to be a legit subreddit. I was a little bit disappointed when I found out it wasn't

[–]totallytruenotfalse 1 point2 points ago

There's a cap to how long subreddit names can be.

[–]Taylor--Swift 1 point2 points ago

I think you misunderstood me. A couple people in this thread were implying that OP posted it on Yahoo, screencapped it and posted it here. I was simply pointing out that OP wasn't the one who screencapped it at all.

[–]chrom_ed 1 point2 points ago

Ah, I see. Well consider my post not directed at you, but the sub/thread in general then. I didn't down vote you so you needn't feel oppressed.

[–]SquirrelPower 2 points3 points ago

So... whatcho are saying is... that since a repost doesn't make me laugh (or even smile) since I know the joke then I should downvote it? But I don't have to downvote it just because it's a repost?

That's just crazy enough it might work!

[–]NonPermissive 0 points1 point ago

YA lists questions chronologically. In any case, there's much better reasons to downvote this post.

[–]TearTea 37 points38 points ago

He's thinking of innovative ways to hide his coin rolls.

[–]tigerbottoms 24 points25 points ago

The adjectives "soft and "fleshy" are just too much. I'm calling troll.

[–]genericusername123 9 points10 points ago

And "in and out". In would be sufficient.

[–]helicalhell 2 points3 points ago

Better call Troll.

[–]trance_addict 2 points3 points ago

If it's a screenshot from Yahoo Answers, 9 out of 10 times it's a troll.

[–]BisforBM 6 points7 points ago

Hello? Yes, this is Troll.

[–]red321red321 16 points17 points ago

i'm being entirely serious here but am i the only person who thinks that Pitman looks like he's mentally retarded?

[–]Gryndyl 28 points29 points ago

Well, he does seem to be having trouble figuring out how to cut a hole in a piece of fruit.

[–]Youre_not_the_only1 0 points1 point ago

[–]Aggronaut 106 points107 points ago

This post left me in dis pear...

[–]lonjaxson 32 points33 points ago

Come on, don't be so meloncholy.

[–]Emporuto 1 point2 points ago

These puns will drive me bananas...

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

I like how this is under food and drink.... he has no intention of eating or drinking that fruit.

[–]sebzim4500 2 points3 points ago

Hopefully

[–]donpapillon 2 points3 points ago

And waste a perfectly good fruit with surprise flavor?

[–]Krotor 4 points5 points ago

Save time and use a banana peel!

[–]sprrd 8 points9 points ago

Mango works best. Put it in the microwave for 20 seconds to warm it up first.

[–]chrismetalrock 5 points6 points ago

Yahoo Answers needs more heroes like yourself.

[–]battlemaster95 0 points1 point ago

what about that pit?

[–]tubshitter 0 points1 point ago

You must be really small.

[–]bacon_and_mango 0 points1 point ago

What about the huge stones, man..!

Well, at the very least, you could slip some bacon in...

[–]Sonums 6 points7 points ago

Seems legit.

[–]tartureixR 2 points3 points ago

The question has been open for 2 minutes. I wonder how did OP find it...

[–]minutegongcoughs 5 points6 points ago

Thought the same thing, but this is actually a repost from a year ago.

[–]TheWonkyRobot 2 points3 points ago

Maybe ask this guy?

[–]TheMeaning0fLife 35 points36 points ago

That's like, a lifetime ago in internet years.

[–]Se7en_Sinner 8 points9 points ago

That's more than long enough for a repost.

[–]krew21 1 point2 points ago

Mmmm yes science.

[–]CherryP0P86 1 point2 points ago

Mmm warm fleshy fruit..

[–]ilikehockey2 1 point2 points ago

so..... whats the answer?

[–]thisiswhywehaveants 1 point2 points ago

Melon baller

[–]Toof 1 point2 points ago

When I worked at a call center, I used to idley carve the insides out of an orange and eat them with my pocket knife. After a good hour on the phones, I would have a completely hollowed out orange with a hole on the bottom about the size of a quarter.

Schedules for call centers rotate around, with no one really being set on a first or second shift. Anyways, I would leave the orange, hole side down on my desk for the whole rest of my shift. At this point a whole different crew of people would be there, and I would finish and go, "Oh, I forgot all about my orange. Hey, Nicole! Do you want it?"

She would look up, and before she could respond, I would wind up and throw it as hard as I could at her. I could throw it like a piece of paper, honestly, so the damn thing would just lightly tap and bounce off of her. It was just to see her throw up her arms incredibly defensively for no reason.

Working in call centers are fun, but boring.

[–]zstone 1 point2 points ago

Maybe one of his friends is throwing an Emotion Party...

A lady is throwing a party where each guest shows up as their favorite emotion. A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in.

A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!" and lets her in.

Two naked guys walk up to the front door. One guy is holding a bowl of pudding with his penis stuck in it, and the other guy has his penis in a hollowed-out pear.

"Wait a minute," she says to them. "This is supposed to be an emotion party!"

The first guy says, "Yeah, and I'm f**king dis-custard."

The second guy says, "And I'm deep in dis-pear."

[–]MisterBrownEyes 1 point2 points ago

Ok, but in all seriousness, pineapple corer.

[–]333kyary 3 points4 points ago

The fact YOU asked this question in the sole purpose of posting it to /r/funny makes it totally not funny.

[–]chrismetalrock 8 points9 points ago

Well, it is a repost, but hey I guess that's an angle too.

[–]darknemesis25 0 points1 point ago

I think you could use a drill bit for cutting circles

Or maybe sharpen the edges of a pvc pipe and hammer it through

Or just use a knife and cut in circles

[–]adicembre 0 points1 point ago

I see what you're doing there...

[–]nemesishaven 0 points1 point ago

He's asking for a friend I'm sure: http://pennyarcade.wikia.com/wiki/Fruit_Fucker_2000

[–]plsenjy 0 points1 point ago

Softly under my breath I whispered, "Pitman....'

[–]shw91 0 points1 point ago

Your title made me laugh

[–]WorldGenesis 0 points1 point ago

I liked my reaction when I said the this title:

You know... chuckles a bit while saying it For science

[–]Imfuckinpicasso 0 points1 point ago

So this is what Andy Dufresne has been up to since Shawshank

[–]Supercarnage 0 points1 point ago

He's probably thinking of his sister the sick fuck to!

[–]pingspike 0 points1 point ago

freeze said fruit, cut whilst melting.

Not.. that i ever tried such a thing... or even needed too ...

[–]BruschiOnTap 0 points1 point ago

Does anyone else notice the guys username? "Pit"man? LoL!

[–]UNEification 0 points1 point ago

[–]leet_hacksaw 0 points1 point ago

Serious responses only, I really want my internal fruitbusion engine idea to take off.

[–]whittler 0 points1 point ago

One thing you wont see on the survival shows. How to make desert pussy. A large prickly pear ear can have a slit cut into the edge after all the thorns are burned off. The hot heat of the desert makes the squishy inside all nice and warm.

[–]BringTheYoutube 0 points1 point ago

I figured it out, guys! The dude wants to have sex with a fruit. That sounds pretty gay.

[–]make_em_laugh 0 points1 point ago

taking the tube to crazytown!

[–]dbasinge 0 points1 point ago

Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more.

[–]gigashadowwolf 0 points1 point ago

Take a large banana, cut off the tips of both ends with a knife. The hole on the stem side should be as wide as your penis. The other side should be about half an inch. Squeeze out banana inside. Put peel in microwave for 5-10 seconds.

Nature's single use fleshlight.

If you are well endowed or cannot find large bananas plantains work as well, but you have to actually cook them in the microwave until the are soft. Them wait for them to cool to body temperature.

[–]punisher1005 0 points1 point ago

[–]frankzilla8395 0 points1 point ago

o_0 dafuq

[–]Coyne 0 points1 point ago

You monster

[–]littledrypotato 0 points1 point ago

1.5 inches? WTF, that's like the width of pencils put together.

[–]kelvinmai 0 points1 point ago

So? Where's the answer?

[–]sexbobomb91 0 points1 point ago

So does anyone have an answer?

This melon will not fuck itself, you know...

[–]SevTheNiceGuy 0 points1 point ago

sweet raptor jesus

[–]dinkleberg92 0 points1 point ago

I'm sorry but the photo does nothing to help here.

[–]SkateboardG 0 points1 point ago

Try sticking your dick in it.

[–]opiv 0 points1 point ago

The best part is the users photo

[–]Boffo1 0 points1 point ago

I like that his name is Pitman. He's encountered one too many pits in his endeavours.

[–]WizardsMyName 0 points1 point ago

Correct response: "Stick your dick in it".

[–]Troll_Stomper 0 points1 point ago

Just use a broom handle to puncture an eggplant. Put that shit in the microwave for a bit, and fuck it to your hearts content. You're Welcome

[–]MarvinTheAndroid42 0 points1 point ago

Discretion, he has none.

[–]Liquor_Man 0 points1 point ago

I'm really not sure why, but I downvote you a lot. Do you only repost and submit really stupid pictures?

[–]Mycooljam 0 points1 point ago

One time when I was over a friend's house, we were jokingly talking about sex with fruit and we wondered what it was called, so we googled it and one of the results was a y!answers page and the person was saying how they couldn't find fruit with a hole, my friend and I burst out laughing and we still refference to it to this day.

[–]Afrew 0 points1 point ago

Soooo... what's the best way to do it?

[–]StrangerDanger13 0 points1 point ago

FOREVER ALONE.:(

[–]Petrosian 0 points1 point ago

remove the pit, man

[–]HBZ415 0 points1 point ago

You definitely didnt make that...

[–]trublwithnorml 0 points1 point ago

You've heard of self tapping screws, what he needs is a self tapping condom. (no puns intended by the use of the word tapping here).

[–]RoundersBat 0 points1 point ago

Potato isn't a fruit.