this post was submitted on
1,308 points (58% like it)
4,494 up votes 3,186 down votes

funny

subscribe2,772,031 readers

9,468 users here now


Results of the facebook poll


Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!


NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 108 comments

[–]My_Wife_Doesnt_Know 53 points54 points ago

Since you put it that way, I'll take 2 scoops.

[–]JesterAzazel 16 points17 points ago

For that price you'd be crazy not to!

[–]stevencastle 8 points9 points ago

Have you ever had an ice cream enema? Heaven.

[–]My_Wife_Doesnt_Know 2 points3 points ago

Jesus! Talk about Brain Freeze!!!

[–]aconcernedconsumer 2 points3 points ago

I've never done well with suppositories...

[–]My_Wife_Doesnt_Know 1 point2 points ago

Lactose intolerant?

[–]mphatik 23 points24 points ago

Pistachio please, I'm fond of nuts.

[–]SunriseThunderboy 17 points18 points ago

An English-translated menu I saw in Spain had the appetizer "Shrimp in an elephant of ice." Of course I had to order it, at the very least to see what showed up. What came was a small ice sculpture with a hollowed-out back, and in the hollow was shrimp.

That menu also listed "Toasted Jew," but I figured I'd skip that one.

[–]LarksTonguesInAspic 6 points7 points ago

"Toasted Jew" was probably supposed to be "toasted bean" or something like that. In Spain at least, they say "judía" for "bean", which is the same as the feminine form of the adjective/noun "judío" which means Jewish/Jew.

[–]andbruno 1 point2 points ago

Or it could be a Jew's ear, which is a kind of fungus.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auricularia_auricula-judae

[–]SunriseThunderboy 0 points1 point ago

Interesting! Makes perfect sense. Glad I didn't order it, then. I like shrimp much better than beans. I can't order every curious item on the menu or I'd be too stuffed to move.

[–]ma5haga 7 points8 points ago

Pretty sure I've seen that movie on the internets.

[–]jrhoffa 5 points6 points ago

"Out the ass" would be idiomatically correct.

[–]Fandorin 6 points7 points ago

The Russian says 'in assortment', and the assortment is abbreviated to ass. Technically 'in ass' is correct. And delicious.

[–]jrhoffa 2 points3 points ago

But it would melt

[–]Fandorin 2 points3 points ago

I've seen that on the internet.

[–]jrhoffa 2 points3 points ago

[–]aggrazel 2 points3 points ago

Well how did it get in there in the first place?

[–]jrhoffa -2 points-1 points ago

It's a metaphor for shut the hell up

[–]druzix 1 point2 points ago

Aye, but literally and grammatically it would be "In the ass", as in physically being put in the ass.

Of course, the literal Russian would be "Мороженое в жопу", which would mean "Ice cream [physically resting] in the ass."

[–]jrhoffa 1 point2 points ago

I'm not sure "resting" would be the right verb here

[–]druzix 0 points1 point ago

Okay, how about 'melting'?

[–]jrhoffa 1 point2 points ago

How about "occupying"?

[–]druzix 3 points4 points ago

Like Russia in South Ossetia. It fits.

[–]andreylosev 0 points1 point ago

How about 'shoved in'?

[–]mandologist 1 point2 points ago

ahhhh..... "в жопу" implies action as in "into the butt," Мороженое в жопe would mean ice cream physically resting in the butt.

[–]NousDefions 0 points1 point ago

Prepositional case!

[–]druzix 0 points1 point ago

Ahh, my bad. Been a while since I worked with cases.

[–]goatworship 1 point2 points ago

Unless of course, if there is no error.

[–]Subject_69 5 points6 points ago

In some places you have to pay extra for that...

[–]reddituser6 13 points14 points ago

SMTH?

[–]brockodile 5 points6 points ago

This was supposed to say "Shakes My Tired Head" (or something smlr)

[–]AnEagleNamedSmallGov 7 points8 points ago

I thought it meant "something."

[–]toaster_waffle 8 points9 points ago

I speak Russian, and I confirm that, literally translated, it does say "Ice cream in the ass."

However it is intended, as OP said, to be an assortment of ice cream.

[–]aweg 7 points8 points ago

мороженое в попке? не хочу, спасибо...

[–]toaster_waffle 5 points6 points ago

не хочешь? я буду нежный ;)

[–]andreylosev 3 points4 points ago

*нежным. Object/verb agreement, people!

[–]toaster_waffle 2 points3 points ago

Thank you! I guess I should mention now that, while I was not lying about speaking Russian, I am by no means fluent.

[–]Unicornholio[S] 0 points1 point ago

In this case "нежен" would fit even better. No pun intended.

[–]Soviet_Waffle 1 point2 points ago

Сын, я разочаров.

[–]Soviet_Waffle 1 point2 points ago

This thread aint big enough for the two of us.

There can be only one...

[–]toaster_waffle 1 point2 points ago

Oh god... 2 Russian speaking waffles. This is awkward.

[–]Soviet_Waffle 0 points1 point ago

awkward or amazing?

[–]toaster_waffle 0 points1 point ago

Awk-mazing? Am-ward?

Ah, hell. It's pretty much just amazing.

[–]Soviet_Waffle 0 points1 point ago

Or perhaps... hawkward?

[–]andreylosev 0 points1 point ago

"Асс." is a universally accepted abbreviation for ассортимент (meaning assortment). "В асс." is read as "в ассортименте" and means "assorted".

I have a 5 (highest score) in native russian.

[–]iakhre 1 point2 points ago

Also, acc in russian would be read very closely to how ass sounds in english. the russian c and english s arent identical. but are very close

[–]toaster_waffle 0 points1 point ago

I hoped I had made that clear... I understood that's what it meant. I hoped when I wrote "translated literally", that would be implied. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

[–]bighak 1 point2 points ago

In french 'assiette' means 'plate'. In Quebec on many itemized restaurant bill it'll be printed things like "Smoked meat ass.", "ass steak"

[–]strykerx 1 point2 points ago

Reminds me of this

[–]Creedelback 1 point2 points ago

In Soviet Russia, ice cream rapes you!

[–]Unicornholio[S] 5 points6 points ago

Is this the opposite of "In the US you rape ice cream"?

[–]Creedelback 2 points3 points ago

Uh, yeah. You don't rape yours? I thought that's why it was served in a cone.

[–]Unicornholio[S] 2 points3 points ago

Nope, I was born in the USSR, so... um, right...

[–]fick_Dich 0 points1 point ago

Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

[–]willworkforicecream 0 points1 point ago

Ice cream is fantastic in every situation.

[–]ValdikSS 0 points1 point ago

Lol, yes, that means icecream in stock or icecream in assortment

[–]Langly- 0 points1 point ago

Best NOT to order it though, just to be sure.

[–]goatworship 0 points1 point ago

Unless you're very open to new experiences and the waiter seems gentle.

[–]StateFairShare 0 points1 point ago

Rocky Road please.

[–]Fandorin 0 points1 point ago

At least they didn't translate 'sharik' as 'ball'. It could've been One Ball in Ass.

[–]Tastygroove 0 points1 point ago

This ruins the ice cream.

[–]Fudgement_Day 0 points1 point ago

Yes. I'd love some chocolate ass cream. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=114Mc7JRBg0

[–]faleboat 0 points1 point ago

Find the right niche market and that'll make a fortune.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Well, it is pretty hot out...

[–]Rad_Hazard 0 points1 point ago

Since I am having explosive diarrhea while writing this, ice cream up the ass doesn't sound too bad.

[–]warped_and_bubbling 0 points1 point ago

Would it be out of line to order a smoothie?

[–]CountMalachi 0 points1 point ago

Semi-related - If someone is overdosing on heroin or other downers, shove an ice cube up their ass. Snaps 'em right out of it. Happened at a BBQ one of my neighbors was having, and everyone watched confused as my neighbor pulled the guys pants down and... well.. shoved an ice cube us his ass. The guy went O_O and took a huge breath and was responsive. He also shit his pants.

[–]Aias2 0 points1 point ago

Somehow I feel like Google translate was their main source of translation...

[–]RustyEight 0 points1 point ago

How did you get the script to Two Girls One Cup?

[–]seemonkey 0 points1 point ago

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ass cream.

[–]waffleninja 0 points1 point ago

We'll that's very specific, but okay.

[–]Nucking-Futs 0 points1 point ago

Asscream

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Served by 2 girls, in 1 cup.

[–]has_a_box 0 points1 point ago

Can i get 2 cabbage rolls and.... How is your ice cream in the ass today? cold? great I'll take some ice cream in the ass too

[–]grumpers68 0 points1 point ago

The worst thing about it is the after taste.

[–]marekjhnsn 0 points1 point ago

RUSSIAN ice cream place?

[–]Designchick 0 points1 point ago

Real Russian here... The abbreviation is indeed technically correct (ASSorted) correct and so splendidly hilarious! :)

[–]sonya_lena 0 points1 point ago

Yay for silly Russian menus.

[–]m0po 0 points1 point ago

i dont like this.

[–]hdadeathly 0 points1 point ago

feelsgoodbro.jpg

[–]Steevo9000 0 points1 point ago

Did they use bad translator?

[–]Unicornholio[S] 0 points1 point ago

They used translating software which translated the menu literally. In Russian it says word-for-word "Ice cream in ass." ('in ass.' is a standard abbreviation meaning 'in assortment')

[–]jafrog 0 points1 point ago

Can you say where is this menu from? I have a strong feeling that I saw it in one small restaurant in my home town.

[–]Unicornholio[S] 0 points1 point ago

I have no idea. This picture has been travelling around runet recently. All I can say, it's in Russia, judging by Rouble currency.

[–]cbrandolino 0 points1 point ago

Uh, just like in Bavaria!

[–]Dwnvtngthdmms -3 points-2 points ago

Why have you abbreviated something into "smth", please try to use proper grammar this isnt 4chan or your facebook page.

[–]Unicornholio[S] 5 points6 points ago

i luv u 5ever!

[–]iatesugarray 0 points1 point ago

Oh Russia

[–]hetschgern 0 points1 point ago

I'd order it.

[–]Yourmyfavoritedeputy 0 points1 point ago

Came for ass cream jokes, left because of grammar lessons.

[–]Unicornholio[S] 1 point2 points ago

Tell me about it, Yourmyfavoritedeputy!

[–]Yourmyfavoritedeputy -1 points0 points ago

If you check, you'll notice i've use the maximum characters. I spared the e and apostrophe for a nostalgic movie reference. Sue me.

[–]Unicornholio[S] 0 points1 point ago

I actually don't care, I just wanted to mock you a bit. Cheers :)

[–]jmb1406 -1 points0 points ago

nailed it

[–]13Black-widow -1 points0 points ago

Oh, how I love Russia haha

[–]lurkingmuffin -1 points0 points ago

Did you... did you just abbreviate "something?"

[–]goatworship 1 point2 points ago

I read it as "sumth'n"

[–]lurkingmuffin 0 points1 point ago

ಠ_ಠ