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all 176 comments

[–][deleted] 486 points487 points ago

Lol your wife is a giraffe lol

[–]okmkz 145 points146 points ago

SAY LOL ONE MORE TIME I DARE YOU

[–]Zoloir 190 points191 points ago

LOL ONE MORE TIME I DARE YOU

[–]amel3989 123 points124 points ago

LOL

[–]oldzealand 36 points37 points ago

[–]CannedBeef 40 points41 points ago

LOL THE TABLE FELL LOL

[–]vivvav 12 points13 points ago

[–]AdmiralSkippy 6 points7 points ago

Longest six minutes I ever spent waiting for a table to flip.

Also the most awesome six minutes I ever spent waiting for a table to flip.

And the only six minutes I ever spent waiting for a table to flip.

Oh and once you get to the part where he flips the lemon in the cup just stare at his face and maybe zone out a bit. I felt like I was watching a painting.

[–]Zoloir 0 points1 point ago

One of the coolest things ive had appear under a comment ive made. Also good to know where that gif comes from. I imagine you saying Nooooooooooo for the duration of the video, until he is smug and has defeated you.

[–]vivvav 2 points3 points ago

Basically. I feel sheer abject terror whenever I watch this, mostly because I feel like Alan Rickman is just really mad at me, and I don't want him to be.

[–]Joseph_P_Brenner 0 points1 point ago

The best part is when he flips the table.

[–]MuffinatorXIII 0 points1 point ago

that was fucking epic

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Chinook700 6 points7 points ago

[–]burntsoup 0 points1 point ago

WHEN THE FUCK DID ALAN RICKMAN GET THAT OLD?

[–]kravitzz 0 points1 point ago

He always had a wig in HP.

[–]secoNd_shoT 0 points1 point ago

OMG HE'S OLD

[–]okmkz 1 point2 points ago

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

[–]xcforlife 12 points13 points ago

Just noticed the giraffes, more relevant than I thought.

[–]apop99 1 point2 points ago

I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHERFUCKER

[–]mafibasheth 0 points1 point ago

She photoshops giraffes?

[–]Martel- 0 points1 point ago

[–]Bubonic_Ferret 75 points76 points ago

geraffes are so dumb

[–]reaper7876 51 points52 points ago

EDIT: sorry, the only reason I say this is that this geraffe in the picture is sitting on another one. i should say that this one particular geraffe is dumb.

EDIT: hey asshats quit downvoting me i am not the one who tried to sit on a geraffe.

[–]okmkz 4 points5 points ago

Two edits in 3 seconds?

[–]Bubonic_Ferret 25 points26 points ago

[–]Dulljack 7 points8 points ago

EDIT: spelling

that one got me

[–]okmkz -4 points-3 points ago

We can't let this become a thing

Edit: today I learned a new meme

[–]Wash_Georgington 5 points6 points ago

It happened three years ago, so I think you're safe.

[–]RageOverflows 0 points1 point ago

What the fuck are you talking about.

[–]reaper7876 6 points7 points ago

that's the continuation of the original comment

[–]RageOverflows 1 point2 points ago

Holy three years ago. How did you happen to be able to find it so quickly? I have a hard time finding posts from 6 months ago let alone a comment in a post from three years ago. (note that the website this was linked to doesn't even exist anymore haha)

[–]unexceptional 8 points9 points ago

It is a really famous comment. It's even the first Google hit for "geraffes are dumb reddit". I have it saved on RES myself.

[–]damontoo 1 point2 points ago

You would be too if you only slept 1 hour a day.

[–]anelida 0 points1 point ago

some humans are so arrogant

[–]astrograph 1 point2 points ago

that would literally break.

[–]Minotaur_in_house 1 point2 points ago

Right? Of course they'd break, no giraffe relationship works when the other is so codependent... And dexterous.

[–]SweetSweetAtaraxia 1 point2 points ago

The giraffe is actually only a metaphor for his wife to demonstrate how she climbs to his throat onto which she remains clinging until the spider is removed.

[–]cheapdvds 0 points1 point ago

No her wife is a photoshopped giraffe!

[–]I_Fuck_Giraffes 0 points1 point ago

You have any idea how difficult it is to arrange an inter-species wedding in international waters?

It's that sort of ignorance that's holding us all back.

[–]1002 0 points1 point ago

That means that you, yourself is a giraffe as well. How did you manage to post this???

[–]nomechingues 0 points1 point ago

lol is a flipandrome: A word that reads the same when it is fliped upside down

(╯°□°)╯︵ pod

[–]Saucome -1 points0 points ago

Sometimes a man needs a little G.

[–]youbetgiraffe -1 points0 points ago

I'm a giraffe

[–]birdisthewird 71 points72 points ago

Hey. Hey guys! It's shopped! It's totally faked!

[–]gngstrMNKY 44 points45 points ago

Even stranger.. it's a shop of a shop.

[–]ObidiahWTFJerwalk 7 points8 points ago

Shopception.

[–]birdisthewird 3 points4 points ago

That's awesome. Thanks for sharing, made me chuckle.

[–]TommaClock -1 points0 points ago

It's shops all the way down boy!

[–]WhoFan 74 points75 points ago

They actually did a really good job really though.

[–]dsoltesz 2 points3 points ago

I can tell by the pixels. Really. Wow.

[–]birdisthewird 10 points11 points ago

haha agreed. Just thought I'd be the asshole to point out the obvious.

[–]Wash_Georgington 6 points7 points ago

Asshole.

[–]birdisthewird 0 points1 point ago

Over here!

[–]WhoFan 1 point2 points ago

Yup - btw, wasn't narkin on your original post - because it totally IS fake. I mean, I'm pretty sure a giraffe can't jump that high!

[–]jal0001 -3 points-2 points ago

SAY REALLY ONE MORE TIME I DARE YOU

[–]WhoFan 0 points1 point ago

Okay, really? I mean, jeez, can't we all just get along?

[–]jatoo 9 points10 points ago

I know! Giraffes aren't even allowed to get married!

[–]CaptainTurtle 3 points4 points ago

Proof?

edit: really guys....... it was a fucking joke. ಠ_ಠ

[–]bigbear75 0 points1 point ago

Thank you for the clarity. The entire time I was thinking, "is this real? Does this actually happen in nature?"

[–]Martel- 0 points1 point ago

[–]capitano32 23 points24 points ago

she humps a giraffe?

[–]animal422 4 points5 points ago

No... She humps his neck.

[–]AlphaRedditor 89 points90 points ago

Fuck that, that's me every time I see a spider.

[–]muffinmonk 54 points55 points ago

Some alpha you are.

[–]buzzkill_aldrin 40 points41 points ago

He's an alpha Redditor. Noping is expected.

[–]conundrumx 3 points4 points ago

Everything is permitted.

[–]Walter_Bishop_PhD 0 points1 point ago

He's alpha as in alpha software, not alpha male

[–]Verblocity 26 points27 points ago

I smashed a spider in a paper towel once, then like an idiot, I opened it up to see if it was dead and it leaped right onto my face. It's been a big fat NOPE for me with spiders ever since.

[–]VanillaPlanet 2 points3 points ago

Yeah man, italics

[–]radiobaby 9 points10 points ago

Same. Fortunately my lady is from the country and will stomp any bug to death for me.

[–]rachawakka 1 point2 points ago

Me every time I see a spider

[–]killergiraffe 2 points3 points ago

Me too.

And then I kill them.

[–]ravikus 1 point2 points ago

I was driving along in my car the other day when a huge black spider with a red underbelly fucking crawled out from under the sun visor. I screamed like a little bitch and almost crashed.

I eventually killed it with a napkin and stopped on the side of the road to throw the spider out, spit on it, and flip it off as I drove away.

I don't want to get in my car anymore.

[–]twoplustwoisatheist 4 points5 points ago

Little known fact, a black widow bite can take up to three weeks to make its way into the blood stream if the victim is bitten through fabric or similar material. According to Wikipedia, the longer the latency between the bite and the symptoms, the more likely they are to be untreatable.

But I'm sure you haven't been bitten.

[–]Dissapointed_Father 0 points1 point ago

You're dead to me, boy.

[–]slipperss 15 points16 points ago

I saw this about 1 minute after killing a spider with my barefoot for my fiancee.

[–]netgod2002 22 points23 points ago

That's some of the boldest shit i've ever read.

[–]damontoo 3 points4 points ago

I bet he drinks Dos Equis too.

[–]raging_poptart 18 points19 points ago

Your wife mounts your neck?

[–]Mattism 12 points13 points ago

Sounds like a bonus, at least he is getting mounted.

[–]vaginal_cream 2 points3 points ago

Doesn't Matter Got Mounted.

[–]_jeth 1 point2 points ago

And he can say they still neck!

[–]jikls 21 points22 points ago

lol geraffes are dumb

[–]topdawg312 16 points17 points ago

stupid long horses

[–]UnholyDemigod 4 points5 points ago

lol geraffes

EDIT: spelling

[–]maxer64 3 points4 points ago

This is a serious problem. My girlfriend hates, hates, spiders. But, she loves cats. I thought I'd be okay when I showed her that picture of the cat in the spider costume, like, 'see, not all spiders are bad'. Nope. I made her cry.

[–]Dulljack -1 points0 points ago

But the spider is eating the cat!

[–]Innocentdemon 1 point2 points ago

Onward my noble steed!!!

[–]morecake3 1 point2 points ago

So if two people that are scared of spiders are in a lesbian relationship and they see a spider, do they each grab each other and float in mid air?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Geminidragonx2d 6 points7 points ago

So.. either he's blind or left the watermark there to give the site credit?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

I thought that was the giraffe's tattoo.

[–]desull 0 points1 point ago

Oh come on, no one would ever do that on Reddit..............

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]wanderso24 2 points3 points ago

Those long horses.

[–]Captain_d00m 3 points4 points ago

Why didn't evolution make a giraffe good at carpentry so it could build a ladder?

[–]llydecke 2 points3 points ago

Can't wait to show this to my boyfriend. He came to me when there was a HUGE spider in our bathtub a few weeks ago so I could get rid of it for him. Spiders don't freak me out, but my boyfriend, bless his heart, is not a fan of the arachnid.

[–]mylescox 1 point2 points ago

Those are weird lookin' spiders.

[–]C_T_C_C 1 point2 points ago

More like when any redditor sees a spider

[–]notmyjob777 0 points1 point ago

Ya, thats definitely my reaction to spiders.

[–]adrian5b 0 points1 point ago

That's my reaction as well lol

[–]Hiazm 0 points1 point ago

She makes you climb on her back for protection?

[–]goosefrappa 0 points1 point ago

Why do you both have such long necks?

[–]econleech 0 points1 point ago

That's giraffe has got a really stiff neck.

[–]QuintinT 0 points1 point ago

Bullshit, thats what I do if I see a spider, im a poor excuse of a man..

[–]septimus379 0 points1 point ago

Correction: every time I see a spider... Even with my gf

[–]kermit_da_toad 0 points1 point ago

The aftermath of running away from that peacock.

[–]TheAflac 0 points1 point ago

My wife is the one on the bottom.

[–]lovely_red_snow 0 points1 point ago

how?!

[–]Dinersore 0 points1 point ago

[–]sprkng 0 points1 point ago

When I told my wife that I found a huge (by Swedish standards) spider in the bathroom she replied "throw it out, no wait, let it stay and maybe it will eat the flies"

[–]Grimmslaw 0 points1 point ago

Apparently the floor is lava.

[–]durkadu 0 points1 point ago

I'm cool with spiders as long as they choose to live somewhere where they cannot easily ambush me

[–]doc-ant 0 points1 point ago

why do you have such a long neck?

[–]RageMade 0 points1 point ago

Eek!! It's a penis!! (Better title)

[–]boogiemonstaz 0 points1 point ago

My skinny little grand mom would step on 4 inch spiders and not even look to make sure it died. One of these spiders I tried brooming to death but the bristles weren't firm enough so she stepped in and took care of it.

[–]MuffinatorXIII 0 points1 point ago

http://imgur.com/oYxub i found a picture of you and your wife

[–]dartmanx 0 points1 point ago

I have no issue with spiders, but since the rest of my family unit does, the following deal applies:

  • Outside, live and let live.
  • Inside, prepare to become 2-dimensional.

[–]Tristan2007 0 points1 point ago

aaahahaha!! Spat my coke -- everywhere. That's damn funny. Thanks.

[–]Skrillexgurl 0 points1 point ago

LOL

[–]vandalyzed 0 points1 point ago

ZOINKS!!! A G-G-G-G-GHOSTT

[–]cockwomble 0 points1 point ago

Overly attached Giraffe?

[–]bllyboy 0 points1 point ago

Lol

[–]ottoj 0 points1 point ago

Annd this was found on the frontpage of 9gag...

[–]HughesTuning 0 points1 point ago

That's me on my roommate every time I see a spider!

[–]Stankyhanky1 0 points1 point ago

Dafuq?!?!?

[–]vdourtchevful 0 points1 point ago

Read that :"Every time my wife sees a baby..." still relevant

[–]pingspike 0 points1 point ago

ERMAHGERD ERR SPERDERR!!

[–]Steffi2102 0 points1 point ago

[–]exdevlin 0 points1 point ago

Spiders AND anything that makes buzzing noises getting into the house.

[–]sunkissedpianist 0 points1 point ago

Every time my cousin sees a cockroach.

[–]gleite 0 points1 point ago

This is my girlfriend when she hears the word snake or sees one, and no she is not a giraffe

[–]supderpbro 0 points1 point ago

This looks shopped...

[–]DrHenryPym 7 points8 points ago

It's not. Giraffes really do this.

[–]parker214 2 points3 points ago

[–]ObidiahWTFJerwalk 1 point2 points ago

[–]logou812 0 points1 point ago

Gettin neck

[–]chowdurr 0 points1 point ago

[–]sometimesitISlupus 0 points1 point ago

maybe it just saw a peacock.

[–]amydevi -1 points0 points ago

How did it even climb up there?

[–]wanderso24 5 points6 points ago

Photoshop helped it climb up.

[–]CaptainTurtle 1 point2 points ago

But mostly determination.

[–]snifflesApples -1 points0 points ago

i love this photo!

[–]sneedlesnort -1 points0 points ago

Me, after my wife does the shopped giraffe thing.

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyb8vr7o4y1qk682c.gif

[–]neaston1990 -1 points0 points ago

I want to see it try to get down from there.

[–]ObidiahWTFJerwalk 1 point2 points ago

Just hit "undo" in Photoshop.

[–]Dulljack 1 point2 points ago

No fucking way.

EDIT: WTF, it worked

[–]namesrhardtothinkof -1 points0 points ago

I didn't know giraffes could bend like that...

[–]BoomhauerAdvice -1 points0 points ago

Sorry about your potential neck pain man.

[–]leprechaun3000 -1 points0 points ago

I have an ant infestation. Every time I see a jumping spider (we have a couple in our apartment) I yell at it to go eat more ants!

[–]starjharvey -1 points0 points ago

There's no other way to react.

[–]Cormasaurus -1 points0 points ago

I got pinched/bit by one of those pincher bug things earlier while my boyfriend was over and did this. As I typed this I flipped the fuck out thinking one bit me again. -.-

[–]interesting_toast -1 points0 points ago

lol! giraffes are tall! teehee!

[–]schulzee -1 points0 points ago

the spider jokes are not funny. just stop. just stop. just stop. just stop it.

[–]haiku_robot 1 point2 points ago

the spider jokes are 
not funny. just stop. just stop. 
just stop. just stop it.

[–]defnite -1 points0 points ago

what? how did that even...

[–]CrypticPhantasma -1 points0 points ago

She humps your neck?

[–]reagan2016 -1 points0 points ago

I think it would suck to be a giraffe.

[–]Program_These -1 points0 points ago

Fuck you whoever says that's photoshopped. Just fuck you.

Lies.

[–]SarahDubbb -1 points0 points ago

Ever see giraffes fight?

[–]whathefuckman -1 points0 points ago

I was pondering whether or not this image was real or fake and i am yet to come to a conclusion.

[–]UnholyDemigod -1 points0 points ago

She holds you while you jump into the air screaming?

[–]MrDome -1 points0 points ago

There have been a lot of giraffe-related posts recently.

[–]AntiBaka -3 points-2 points ago

Next time she does that, whip your cock out and sex her up.