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top 200 commentsshow all 238

[–]webby_mc_webberson 369 points370 points ago

Father here - I'm delighted today because they've all politely effed off. I have the house to myself with reddit & David Attenborough narrating The Life of Birds in the background.

[–]asstits 170 points171 points ago

I'm guessing that liquid in your mug isn't coffee either.

[–]nice_dick_bro 219 points220 points ago

Nope, LSD.

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points ago

Redditor for 0 days.

Gentlemen, I believe we just witnessed the birth of a fantastic new novelty account.

[–]DrDoc 107 points108 points ago

One of the best "doodle" accounts I've seen so far

[–]Breathing_Balls 58 points59 points ago

He blows shitty_watercolour out of the water.

[–]Enjoyitbeforeitsover 80 points81 points ago

Nah, this is the first time I have encountered Novelty_DoodleGigolo and I'm impressed. However to have such a remark is cruel, both are awesome and Shittywatercolor is Quentin Blake's son.

[–]theimpolitegentleman 26 points27 points ago

You're killing me with this uncertainty if this is true or not

[–]Not_at_Sears 16 points17 points ago

Loving that mug.

[–]FlyingPasta 5 points6 points ago

You want one?

[–]runs-with-scissors 5 points6 points ago

I do.

[–]FlyingPasta 18 points19 points ago

Too bad.

[–]lannielan 4 points5 points ago

Aww, I was hoping that it was serious so I could post it on r/bestof.

[–]FlyingPasta 2 points3 points ago

No karma for you!

[–]imkaneforever 2 points3 points ago

Well, that was anticlimactic.

[–]WaffleCrumbs 1 point2 points ago

I can make one for you.

[–]ExcellentGary 5 points6 points ago

What with the internet and the LSD these youngsters these days really know how to party. In my day, it was a root beer soda from the fountain and horseplay getting out of hand with the football team. Shucks.

[–]Vintagejosh 1 point2 points ago

9/10 Would hang. I only say 9 since it does not say Happy Fathers Day.

[–]MrOhraesisstrakur 0 points1 point ago

I like what I see here, carry on, good sir.

[–]0bi-JuAn 0 points1 point ago

You're gonna be big kid

[–]brigodon 0 points1 point ago

But - but - but where's which one's David Attenborough?

[–]EggzOverEazy 0 points1 point ago

wow dude... that is so cool. This is the first "doodle" i've seen of yours, but I fucking love it. It's making me stare.

[–]Zoomerboomer 13 points14 points ago

When you're on LSD, that liquid can be what ever you want it to be. Hell it could be Martha Stewart.

[–]AtheistTVWeinberg 6 points7 points ago

Fuck Martha Stewart.

[–]ieatpotatochips 15 points16 points ago

Fuck liquid Martha Stewart

[–]superbadhardass 11 points12 points ago

What about Solid Martha Stewart, her goody two shoe twin sister who always foils her plans for a nuclear crisis?

[–]lominsky -1 points0 points ago

I think this is funny.

[–]FlyingPasta 2 points3 points ago

That is also LSD.

[–]TheHotpants 1 point2 points ago

Gross.

[–]nick888kcin 0 points1 point ago

No thanks

[–]ThatCrankyGuy 2 points3 points ago

Thank you for the penis compliment. I don't get those too often.

[–]17Hongo 0 points1 point ago

LSD and David Attenborough - I think my face would melt.

[–]abeuntstudiainmores 0 points1 point ago

pops here, my fam. is gone and I have dropped out for the day!

[–]poland626 0 points1 point ago

BOOM!!!! acid trip

[–]Gooberpatrol66 0 points1 point ago

An entire mug full of pure LSD.

[–]namtrix 0 points1 point ago

QUAGMIRE PUT YOUR SKIN BACK ON ONE OF US IS ABOUT TO FREAK OUT!

[–]subtly_irrelevant 1 point2 points ago

Or that it's a mug that says world's greatest dad :(

[–]YKWDPM 0 points1 point ago

The world's greatest dad wouldn't have coffee in his mug. My dad doesn't drink coffee.

[–]smok_e_wan_kenobie 21 points22 points ago

This brings up a question I've asked before: Why is it that for Mother's Day, Dad is supposed to take the kids off Mom's hands and give her a day of relaxation... and on Father's Day, Dad is supposed to 'hang out with the kids'?

[–]The_Swayzie_Express 46 points47 points ago

It probably comes from the old way of thinking about family roles, that the women typically stayed at home with the kids while the father was out working. Their "day" gives them a chance to indulge in what they normally can't. Not always the case now, but generations past.

[–]shooterlesson 0 points1 point ago

That "old" way of thinking can't be more than a few generations, surely most kids went with their dads to farm as soon as they could.

[–]pjgamer77 4 points5 points ago

Yes, but with the advent of urban/suburban living this changed. My Grandma is 83, back in the 30's her father would always be working on engineering projects while her mother took care of the family...So this practice is at least 80 years old.

[–]knock_harder 4 points5 points ago

Well I'm a stay at home mom, and I rarely get alone time. And my husband doesn't see our kids much during the week, and wants special time with them! But we did give him the afternoon to himself to go to the gym, get a massage, and just do his thing until dinner.

[–]etihw2 0 points1 point ago

It's opposite day!

[–]soignees 4 points5 points ago

Dad? What are you doing on Reddit! Hope you like the Bird Guide book I gave you.

(no, it's okay you're not my dad. this just sounds like something my dad would do. He is also getting a Chinese takeaway for dinner because it's Dad's Day.)

[–]Marine436 3 points4 points ago

enjoy!, im at work today, but tomorrow im taking my old-man out to an expensive prime-rib dinner!

[–]too_many_secrets 2 points3 points ago

Exactly what my dad would want. (or what I'd want if I had children... steak + beer = good)

[–]aw_whit_man 1 point2 points ago

Exactly what I am doing right now too my man. Perfect day.

[–]Neoflare 0 points1 point ago

The best way to do it is bring your dad out for breakfast, give him a case of beer, and leave him to be an angry (and now drunk) old man in peace.

[–]Humbud 0 points1 point ago

Dad here - napping between fits of Reddit

[–]AdmiralSkippy 0 points1 point ago

Yup, I didn't get my dad anything for father's day. But I did let him go to the lake all by himself.

[–]SGTSHOOTnMISS 0 points1 point ago

TIL, as a single man, I live a father's vacation every day. I'm sure being a parent (dad) has a great deal of day to day benefits though, taken for granted some of them may be.

[–]martusfine 0 points1 point ago

Sounds depressing. How old are your kids?

[–]Radtastik 123 points124 points ago

My dad is spending fathers day in the backyard. Tanning. In a thong.

[–]red321red321 26 points27 points ago

were you a good son/daughter and went to help him apply his tanning lotion and sun screen?

[–]Radtastik 27 points28 points ago

Biggest nope ever.

[–]too_many_secrets 3 points4 points ago

Well at least he didn't ask.

[–]RocketRedRocket 0 points1 point ago

I've seen that porno.

[–]haiku_robot 210 points211 points ago

My dad is spending 
fathers day in the backyard. 
Tanning. In a thong.

[–]awfml 68 points69 points ago

I love you little poem machine

[–]creativepun 16 points17 points ago

I adore this bot I tried to make a haiku but I got a duck.

[–]arcrad 24 points25 points ago

I adore this bot 
I tried to make a haiku
but I got a duck.

There, you got what you wanted!

[–]Bronchito 5 points6 points ago

That is super cool, how do you make a haiku so easy like that?

[–]JustForCancer 103 points104 points ago

I called my dad for Father's day. This is difficult and expensive to do from Malawi, Africa, calling the U.S.

This is how it pretty much went down:

Me: "Hey Dad! Happy Father's Day!"

Dad: "Who is this?"

Me: "It's me... (my name)."

Dad: "Oh... how's it goin..."

Me: "Pretty good, you? Got anything planned?"

Dad: "Nope just sitting at home doing nothing wondering when time is going to stop."

Me: "Oh Dad, get out and do something fun."

Dad: "Maybe I'll watch some TV, prolly just smoke a pack in the garage."

Me: "I do know how much you enjoy cigarettes."

Dad: "Well, thanks for calling, stay away from the AIDS."

Me: "Will do, bye Dad."

Dad: (fumbling with cell phone for 10 minutes) click.

[–]Braude 47 points48 points ago

LOL stay away from the AIDS. Now that's a badass dad.

[–]JustForCancer 32 points33 points ago

He actually really, really worries about me getting AIDS here.

[–]radicalheadphone 21 points22 points ago

[–]JustForCancer 4 points5 points ago

He's actually got the same hair... but he's probably 10 years older.

[–]darkesth0ur 9 points10 points ago

Pretty legitimate worry considering 66% of the AIDS population lives on that continent.

[–]JustForCancer 10 points11 points ago

He's just a little confused about how it's transmitted. Now the second it becomes airborne... that's when shit gets real.

Directed by M. Night Mashanakayanan

[–]darkesth0ur 10 points11 points ago

Forgot this is Reddit, you're not having the sex.

[–]JustForCancer 5 points6 points ago

I am, but with my husband... who does not have AIDS

[–]NotTheNews 9 points10 points ago

What about his whores?

[–]JustForCancer 56 points57 points ago

Your mom doesn't live in Africa.

[–]compto35 15 points16 points ago

[–]NotTheNews 2 points3 points ago

Thankfully.

[–]VaderSon 1 point2 points ago

Good comeback!

[–]YKWDPM 0 points1 point ago

[–]darkesth0ur 2 points3 points ago

Excellent!

[–]Melnorme 0 points1 point ago

The thing is, his dad thinks he is in San Francisco.

[–]I_have_a_dog 0 points1 point ago

Judging by your username, he should be less worried about AIDS and more worried about cancer.

[–]TTURooR 8 points9 points ago

:(

[–]JustForCancer 12 points13 points ago

He is a loving Father, just shows it in his own grumpy old man way.

[–]Amoner 0 points1 point ago

haha I messed up time a little bit and woke mine up a little bit too early :D he was a little bit grumpy as well

[–]bamboombango 2 points3 points ago

He wonders when time will stop? I know what he means. Your dad is awesome.

[–]headzoo 0 points1 point ago

That gave me the best laugh I've had all week.

[–]thatburneydude 0 points1 point ago

mind if i ask... what are you doing in africa?

[–]drunk_otter 130 points131 points ago

One of the best uses of that gif I've seen.

[–]hinduguru 30 points31 points ago

The accuracy is palpable

[–]NachosPR 11 points12 points ago

The precision is indescribable

[–]MarlonBain 16 points17 points ago

The defense is impregnable

[–]alanthemanofchicago 3 points4 points ago

The logic is inflexible.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]chainayalozhka 7 points8 points ago

Wonder why "looking at a vagina after sex" never took off.

[–]MrDome 1 point2 points ago

Why is everybody irritated by this?

[–]AbasementPark -4 points-3 points ago

Stop.

[–]Breathing_Balls 8 points9 points ago

No, keep going.

[–]liveryowl 55 points56 points ago

....And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man on the moon When you comin' home dad? I don't know when, but we'll get together then son You know we'll have a good time then

[–]FlyingPasta 25 points26 points ago

This song makes me feel like a shitty son, stop it.

[–]runs-with-scissors 20 points21 points ago

The dad started it.

[–]actualPsychopath 7 points8 points ago

Actually the whore of a mother did. You never even hear her talked about in it.

[–]odonne89 29 points30 points ago

He told my mom, "Tell them not to waste the gas." Love you dad!

[–]friednoodles 5 points6 points ago

That's dad speak for "surprise me and come anyway"

[–]top_counter 15 points16 points ago

Not my dad. You don't know how he feels about wasting gas.

[–]Sir_Meowsalot 1 point2 points ago

Well, now you know what to get him: A canister of Gasoline with a bow on it.

[–]top_counter 1 point2 points ago

Truly a good idea, but he already has one. =/

[–]Sir_Meowsalot 3 points4 points ago

A man can never have too many Gasoline canisters.

[–]sleepygrace 0 points1 point ago

My dad once yelled at me for "wasting gas" to come to a family dinner.

[–]mechanicus 19 points20 points ago

You must be Eric Foreman.

[–]tulip_jefferson 7 points8 points ago

I love this. With the Euro Cup AND the US Open (golf) going on, he wants all of us to fuck-off.

[–]too_many_secrets 2 points3 points ago

Jesus, I thought you meant NOW and I started frantically switching channels thinking I'd misread the soccer game times... whew...

[–]_youngdeezy_ 9 points10 points ago

when i was 8 i asked my dad what he wanted for father's day and he told me the best present would be leaving him alone.

[–]sleepygrace 1 point2 points ago

At least he gave you an answer. Whenever I ask my dad what he wants for any holiday or his birthday, I get a mumbled, "Iunno." And if I persist he literally ignores me. Completely acts like he doesn't hear me.

I'm like, "Come on, you must want something." Sometimes I'll get a response along the lines of "all I want is your happiness, Pumpkin" followed by uproarious laughter.

I have never gotten a real answer.

[–]tisnf 16 points17 points ago

"I used to stack fucks like you 10 foot high in nam, now bring me my coffee." Quote from your dad ?

[–]polandpower 2 points3 points ago

Now get off my fucking lawn.

[–]ara_p 6 points7 points ago

That's kinda sad, actually.

[–]idkillforyou 1 point2 points ago

actually for a lot of us its not my dad is a old school type, he loves my sister and I but he doesn't express it. I have only seen my dad cry 2 times in my whole life and both were when my grandparents died. Sometimes I hate that but he has made me who I am I will call him today say happy fathers day talk about what video games he is playing and ask him how the new new car is doing and that will be that no worrying about feelings or making him feel bad even if i don't call at all!

[–]sleepygrace 0 points1 point ago

My dad is old school like this too. I like to say the only emotions he's capable of expressing are anger and amusement. Still, I know he loves me more than anything in the world, and it's just weird when he shows affection in a touchy-feely way.

Once at the insistence of my mother (I later found out), he hugged me when he came to pick me up at the airport. I was shocked by the gesture, and he clearly felt awkward about it. It was funny though.

[–]BDS_UHS 4 points5 points ago

Reminds me of the scene in Arrested Development when Gob asks Lucille if she wants to hang out, and she slowly shuts the door in his face and calls Gene Parmesan to tell him "my son is trying to get me out of the house."

[–]pasmeme 9 points10 points ago

I just got off the phone with mine. Glad that's over with. He's introducing his new girlfriend to my little brother and I'm so glad I live on my own 3hrs away. Like, I don't care that she is 17years younger than you, and I don't care how nice her titties are. I don't care!

[–]surrenderdorothy 6 points7 points ago

Funny they seem to think Father's day is a good day to introduce the new girlfriend. That was the day my daughter got introduced to her Dad's new girlfriend - 24 years younger who had left her 9 month old baby for him. What larks.

[–]pasmeme 1 point2 points ago

He's been with so many different women since the divorce and each one is "the one" and then he is all heart broke after finding out she's not who she says or only after money. Then a week later there's someone else. I'm not meeting any of them until they stick around for a while.

[–]surrenderdorothy 3 points4 points ago

Good plan - unfortunately this one has stuck around.

[–]Five4Five 0 points1 point ago

This was going so well. Banter had started. You can't make a love connection if you don't keep up the banter! Maybe the two of you just moved to messaging to escape the public eye.

[–]darius42 14 points15 points ago

Your dad is Clint Eastwood?!

[–]paydon18[S] 12 points13 points ago

you'll never guess who my mom is...

[–]FlyingPasta 5 points6 points ago

Nicole Kidman???

[–]FlyingPasta 2 points3 points ago

Oh, okay...

[–]monchew 1 point2 points ago

[–]FlyingPasta 0 points1 point ago

I know dat feel.

[–]avioneta 3 points4 points ago

That's pretty much my old man - but he's been there for me every time it really mattered.

[–]runs-with-scissors 5 points6 points ago

Had a horrible car accident at 7am on a Saturday many years ago and all I wanted was my dad. He was there in minutes and took me back to his house and sat with me all day while the shock wore off.

(No one was hurt even though the car flipped over. WEAR YOUR SEATBELT.)

[–]MilkArgument 11 points12 points ago

just put on my seatbelt

[–]Yangoose 7 points8 points ago

OK, now stop browsing reddit while you're driving!

[–]lightball2000 0 points1 point ago

Didn't he just say he has a seatbelt on?

[–]MilkArgument 0 points1 point ago

EDIT: responded twice on accident

[–]MilkArgument 0 points1 point ago

haha, passenger seat. i'm a little lazy, but would never endanger others on the road

[–]TryAgainMyFriend 2 points3 points ago

Hahaha, this is awesome. I imagine this was what my father was doing when I asked him what he was doing for Father's day -- his voice sure sounded like he was making that face.

[–]Articunozard 2 points3 points ago

I love my father and all but it's pretty fucking cool that your dad is Clinton Eastwood.

[–]NaeblisEcho 2 points3 points ago

I walked up to my dad and told him "So...happy father's day". He was surprised that I remembered and cared enough, smiled and shook my hand. It was weird.

[–]buttpirates 2 points3 points ago

Ahhh fathers day the most confusing day in the getto

[–]ThatCrankyGuy 5 points6 points ago

My dad had the same reaction.

The fuck is a father's day? Go do your work.. so much for that.

[–]RainieTuesday 0 points1 point ago

You should change your username to ThatCrankyGuysSon.

[–]chris1710 8 points9 points ago

Hurrah for Hallmark Holidays

[–]YellowSensation 6 points7 points ago

Your dad also looks likes he hates asians

[–]Krazen 3 points4 points ago

Zipperheads

[–]Sp3rt3cs 1 point2 points ago

My son says, "what is that man crying about" .

[–]Skankitup 1 point2 points ago

I always try to spend one on one time with my dad but I don't think he gets it because he always ends up turning it into a family event. For instance, Ill ask him if he wants to watch a movie and he'll end up bringing my mom and sisters and I dont have it in me to tell him that I just want to spend time with only him. Or maybe he just doesn't like me.

[–]m40ofmj 1 point2 points ago

I am pissed that they never made a pirate movie where clint eastwood was the captain. I have been pissing off everyone in my family for the last 20 talking about this. Not some prancy pirate movie like that disney shit, which I like a lot, but a real one where he his crew just slaughters other pirates and steals their shit, they rape and plunder, and resort to rampant homosexuality onboard. the whole movie he just makes animal noises at everyone, and has a few short lines. basically unforgiven on the sea. No one is as grizzled as him, he defines that shit. I just wanted there to be a point in a movie where hes on the ship and they all ask him whats going to happen now, because some fucked up shit happened, and hes just like ....we're going to kill everyone.... and then death happens.

[–]fergusman 0 points1 point ago

This gave me the weirdest boner, the best weirdest boner.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

On fathers day every year my wife goes away with the kids for the weekend.

Then I count up my cash I have put aside over the year and hire a moderate-high priced call girl, and go do heroin with my school friends she doesn't like me hanging out with.

Woke up late this afternoon, great weekend.

[–]manonthemount 1 point2 points ago

lucky, i have an overly attached father that would sit on my lap all day if i let him

[–]insult_from_your_dad 1 point2 points ago

The gift that I would really appreciate on Father's Day would be your absence from my day.

[–]kaitkiddo 0 points1 point ago

Hey that looks familiar! Can you add long hair to this gif? It's appropreiate for mothers day as well.

[–]jsnoogs 0 points1 point ago

I originally felt bad for having to work and my mom being away during father's day mainly because we did a bunch of shit for my mom on mother's day. Then I remembered my dad doesn't give two shits.

[–]rathum2323 0 points1 point ago

that's cold.

[–]FFSrandy 0 points1 point ago

:( My dad would give anything for us to do that today.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]greenriver572 0 points1 point ago

you've still got time

[–]Edurna 0 points1 point ago

Ouch.

[–]GMKO 0 points1 point ago

inb4 you're adopted

[–]Xswitch24 0 points1 point ago

Me and my dad make it a thing to hang out at least every Sunday with one another, so it's something we are used to! Luckily Fathers day falls on such a day :P.

[–]lampnerd 0 points1 point ago

as a father i can vouch for the veracity of that

[–]IamSuperCereal 0 points1 point ago

I wish Clint Eastwood was my dad ;_;

[–]RobotCoffeeHouse 0 points1 point ago

asked myself if i wanted to see that clint eastwood shaking his head gif one more time.

clinteastwoodshakinghishead.gif

[–]McTauntaun 0 points1 point ago

my father: Your brother decided to surprise me with a visit... which is unfortunate.

[–]Benjypap 0 points1 point ago

What he's actually thinking: "God damnit I hate that train."

[–]Tythus1 0 points1 point ago

Dude i love you! I am trying to find something to get my dad for fathers day, hes the hardest person to buy for! But now i remember he loved this movie! Ty!

[–]BobDorian 0 points1 point ago

Same thing happened to me.

[–]Capps14e 0 points1 point ago

I know that feel bro.

[–]Blow-it-out-your-ass 0 points1 point ago

At 1st the companies we're fucking with you by making everything seems on sale ALL THE TIME. Now that you're in that groove, it's time to go for the real low emotional blow, family/friends/life partner.

"(generic holiday) is here! Why not show (x person or people) how truly special they are in your life with this (appropriate product) now ON SALE just in time for (generic holiday!)"

[–]deancomeautela 0 points1 point ago

Sadly mine did the same thing :(

[–]The_Gooch_Goochman 0 points1 point ago

That's the face my family made when I dug Dad up to hang out with him.

He didn't seem to appreciate the hard work I put in to see him, either.

Just laid there.

Dick.

[–]electricmice 0 points1 point ago

so you can only hang out with your dad on father's day? is hanging out with him suppose to be some kind of prize or favor to him? that's why it's fucked up.

[–]williamspensfan 0 points1 point ago

I don't know what my Father is doing for today. I never met him. sigh

[–]Stomo 0 points1 point ago

Upvote for being a nice person.

[–]ruhnay 0 points1 point ago

WOULD.

[–]andrewjackson5 0 points1 point ago

I love Clint, wit so sharp you could dice tomatoes with it.

[–]AwareButAloof 0 points1 point ago

Hahaha! Priceless

[–]luis0232 0 points1 point ago

Your dad is Clit Eastwood?!

[–]Ter3nce 11 points12 points ago

Pornstar version of Clint Eastwood?

[–]ChickenShoes 3 points4 points ago

Clit Eatwood?

[–]natstrap 0 points1 point ago

Now he CAN'T change it!!

[–]crime_fighter 1 point2 points ago

best.

my dad would have the same reaction.

and that to me ..are the best dads.

[–]spaceylacey83 1 point2 points ago

What makes them better than other dads? Mine wanted to see me. It made me happy.

[–]goosetuff79 0 points1 point ago

Very Red Foremanesque of him.

[–]prisonearby 0 points1 point ago

My dad spends his Father's Day milking his prostate.

[–]shtoops 0 points1 point ago

That head shudder speaks volumes.

[–]macadactyl 0 points1 point ago

I went fishing with my father.

[–]onereporter 0 points1 point ago

The best uses of that gif I've seen

[–]Ian1234567890 -1 points0 points ago

You must have pissed on him!