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all 169 comments

[–]Merigo 88 points89 points ago

There was a group of kids in my area terrorizing a neighbourhood and a man came out with a knife and a kid said to him "You won't stab me!" the man then killed the 18 year old.

[–]Merigo 29 points30 points ago

"Mr ____ said something like, 'You're not going to stab me'

'Go on, do it then'. It was a child-like remark. The accused did precisely that.''

From the article.

[–]WillBlaze 0 points1 point ago

link to article?

[–]Mullolley 24 points25 points ago

This kills the man.

[–]alienobserver 1 point2 points ago

Please elaborate.

[–]teuast 229 points230 points ago

"What are you gonna do, bleed on me?"

[–]Battletooth 184 points185 points ago

-Man who was bled on.

[–]C--Flat91 51 points52 points ago

-Arthur, King of the Britons*

[–]Tashre 48 points49 points ago

King? I didn't vote for him.

[–]_liminal 29 points30 points ago

You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.

[–]Pilotted 3 points4 points ago

SHUT UP! WILL YOU SHUT UP!

[–]Tyler_Durdan 1 point2 points ago

Man! I'm a man!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Kargesh 15 points16 points ago

Is that a problem?

[–]Pol_troop 13 points14 points ago

Burn the witch! (By burn, I mean downvotes)

[–]Verblocity 8 points9 points ago

It's a fair cop.

[–]OneSalientOversight 3 points4 points ago

We do anything, anytime

[–]Aww_Shucks 2 points3 points ago

Downvotes the witch!

[–]IFaps2Crap 2 points3 points ago

You were at -19, so I decided to make an even -20. Luck to you in the future!

[–]GoldwaterAndTea 5 points6 points ago

King of the Britons!*

[–]C--Flat91 4 points5 points ago

Shit

[–]Plastastic 3 points4 points ago

Britons*

[–]SlimHazard 7 points8 points ago

"Man who was bled on."

-Man who was upvoted.

[–]Arquis001 4 points5 points ago

Man who contracted HIV

[–]Loorlgh 15 points16 points ago

It's just a flesh wound!

[–]Quodlibertarian 8 points9 points ago

I'll bite your legs off!

[–]cowme 4 points5 points ago

i'll bite your face off!

[–]burkey0307 5 points6 points ago

I ain't got time to bleed.

[–]Pol_troop 1 point2 points ago

I'll bite yer ankles!

[–]hitlersshit -5 points-4 points ago

I once stabbed my anus with a toothpick. I did bleed.

[–]USMCEvan 57 points58 points ago

Boy, you sure called his bluff!!

[–]harrythemay 10 points11 points ago

I want some context for this. I always thought it'd catch a mugger off guard if they held a knife to you and you came out with something similar to this, apparently not though. Unless this wasn't a mugging and just some crazy guy.

[–]Downvoted_Defender 14 points15 points ago

Probably not a good idea to put ideas in their head. They probably don't really want to stab you, they just want to scare you.

Don't make them feel like they have to save face.

[–]harrythemay 4 points5 points ago

I always thought it'd be cool to fuck with them, in a Crocodile Dundee kind of way. Alas, life is not a comedy and I'm probably going to be in the same position as this poor chap.

[–]Abdullah-Oblongata 1 point2 points ago

You gonna stab me? I double-dog dare you.

[–]Downvoted_Defender 13 points14 points ago

'Look at this big fat pussy with the knife, I bet he's not even man enough to stab me'.

[–]tinfins 18 points19 points ago

[–]Nickolo3 2 points3 points ago

Got a source on that? Looks like Weird Al on the left but I don't recognise it.

[–]tinfins 10 points11 points ago

Weird Al's one and only movie, UHF. The guy on the right is comedian Emo Phillips. Here's the clip for context hilarity. And just for good measure, I recommend you watch the entire movie on Youtube.

[–]Nickolo3 1 point2 points ago

Thanks, I'd heard of it before but you've convinced me now. I'm gonna watch the whole movie in a bit.

[–]CuriousGeorgia 4 points5 points ago

Yeah, in a bit— right after you take your wife to the Spatula city? I've been asking my husband to take me there for over 5 years now and he still doesn't have time!

Can you tell I am bitter? Just call me Mrs. Bitterfingers.

[–]AllanBz 2 points3 points ago

Looks like Emo Philips doing the table saw bit in Yankovic's UHF.

[–]Petrak 1 point2 points ago

A little bit of Google-Fu got me to this.

How To Operate A Table Saw

[–]SwineHerald 26 points27 points ago

Ah, I see you've played knifey-stabby before.

[–]PLOVAPODA 1 point2 points ago

Coffee! Beer? Coff-ee! Bee-eer?

[–]kaybay3 28 points29 points ago

KHQ, gotta love Spokane :)

[–]hornedowl 5 points6 points ago

one of these days it's gonna get national attention for something good. one of these days...

[–]Solonys 4 points5 points ago

It is Spokane, nothing that happens here is good.

[–]TitusAndroidicus 5 points6 points ago

We are the rejected stepchild of Washington State. "Look, we're the second biggest city in Washington!" "Shut up and pay your taxes... why can't you be more like Seattle?"

[–]Solonys -4 points-3 points ago

We are the stepchild because Spokane is an overgrown cow town full of hicks and meth heads.

[–]LearnsYou -5 points-4 points ago

Never has there been a city where the line between everyday citizen and boxcar wino was more obscured.

[–]Spoonerize 0 points1 point ago

YearnsLou

[–]akiroaria 1 point2 points ago

Checking in from the Tri-Cities, even less than nothing happens here.

[–]andojlaw 1 point2 points ago

I saw this screenshot when it played live on the news

[–]S_Aluco 0 points1 point ago

Oh hey! Fellow Spokane Redditers!

[–]Three_Headed_Monkey 11 points12 points ago

Striped biologist taunter, extinct:

"What are you gonna do? Shoot us?"

[–]Spoonerize 2 points3 points ago

Mee_Threaded_Honkey

[–]Three_Headed_Monkey 0 points1 point ago

Did my post just get hit by two novelty accounts? Awesome!

[–]haiku_robot -1 points0 points ago

Striped biologist 
taunter, extinct:  "What are you 
gonna do? Shoot us?" 

[–]kencat1 2 points3 points ago

aw haiku_robot got downvoted :(

[–]Three_Headed_Monkey 0 points1 point ago

That's a pretty cool bot.

[–]BeatsbyChrisBrown 27 points28 points ago

This guy would be the ultimate bad ass if he said this AFTER getting stabbed

[–][deleted] 83 points84 points ago

Is it in yet?

[–]goeraz 12 points13 points ago

that's what she said

ehhm, Quite.

[–]MadroxKran 2 points3 points ago

Just the tip.

[–]Downvoted_Defender 0 points1 point ago

Bad. ass.

[–]AidanReddit 0 points1 point ago

Push it in harder.

[–]TheB1ade 1 point2 points ago

You should watch "chopper". "Hey mate, you keep doing that you're gonna kill me mate."

[–]hamburgermann 5 points6 points ago

Hamboning will save your life one day

[–]pussErox 6 points7 points ago

evidently so

[–]idreamin2D 2 points3 points ago

That's what happens when you bring sarcasm to a knife fight

[–]London_Bridge 2 points3 points ago

Spokane!yeeeeaaahhh!

[–]The_Bearded_Beast 2 points3 points ago

holy shit thats my local news station.....

[–]hammerjamm 5 points6 points ago

"Do it! You won't!!"

[–]cromagmn 5 points6 points ago

Well that guy wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

He could have at least taken a stab at... living.

[–]Tuchpi -2 points-1 points ago

YEEEAAAAHH!!!

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

No, that wasn't a sunglasses moment.

[–]wtfpwndd 7 points8 points ago

YEEEAAAAHH!!!

[–]RoshoFTMFW 3 points4 points ago

Christopher Titus

[–]thesidebproject 4 points5 points ago

I like my murder with a pinch of irony.

[–]Ninjasteevo 1 point2 points ago

This man would do great on "Whose line is it anyway"

[–]nextyeardc 1 point2 points ago

That's a clown question, bro.

[–]SuperBeefyTaco 1 point2 points ago

Had someone say this exact quote to me before. He grabbed me and told me empty my pockets. Only thing in my pockets was my knife. So I pulled it out.

Derptard says that and well yeah I am going to stab you asshole.

[–]PancakeMonkeypants 1 point2 points ago

If someone had made this up and put it in a movie, that movie would be my favourite movie.

[–]Spoonerize 0 points1 point ago

MancakePonkeypants

[–]redditcanbeRUDE 1 point2 points ago

this would come from spokane

[–]majikmixx 1 point2 points ago

[–]ethics 1 point2 points ago

In NYC, we had our own case (gun though)... unfortunately she died.

http://www.fightingarts.com/reading/article.php?id=526

[–]catwith4peglegs 1 point2 points ago

in Tucson a girl said "if I had a gun I'd kill you" guy gives her gun and well you know how this ends.

here is the story http://azstarnet.com/news/local/crime/article_c161691f-bc8a-561b-b608-88adf7079cde.html

[–]throwaway-o 0 points1 point ago

Neither realized that a gun could be discharged by pulling the trigger.

How much of an utter ignorant imbecile does one need to be, to believe this? What the fuck do these people gun triggers do, shoot kisses?

[–]lordmalifico 1 point2 points ago

Being stabbed, the man stood up and crossed his arms in defiance. "Oh, come on, you sorry, soft-bellied piece of shit, do you call that a stabbing? I've been stabbed worse by a girl scout!"

The stabber looked at the knife and bit his lower lip in frustration. Another stabbing attempt, this one landing square in the chest. "Oh, going for the sternum, like a true wimp." The victim scoffed, ignoring the steady spray of blood from his wound.

The stabber let out an exasperated grunt. A slash across the arm. "Attacking the extremities, you must be new here." He chuckled, rubbing his forehead. "Are you going to do it right are are you just going to keep wasting my time, Esmeralda?"

The stabber began to weep. He shook his head, his feelings clearly hurt. "You know what? You know what? I don't need this kind of negativity." He threw the knife on the ground and stormed off, fighting the urge to cry.

The victim held a hand vertically against his mouth. "Way to run away from your inability to do anything, bitch!" He snapped with a furrowed brow. A man approached him from behind, holding a .38 revolver.

The man turned. "Oh, what are YOU going to do, Nancy? Shoot me with THAT? Where did you get it, in the same aisle as that Wilson's Leather knockoff?"

[–]suff_succotash 1 point2 points ago

I feel like the ratio of local news screencaps from Spokane to other local news screencaps making the front page is abnormally high.

[–]low_impedance 0 points1 point ago

agreed.. i don't worry about getting screen caps because another Spokane redditor usually posts them anyway.

[–]BestReadAtWork 1 point2 points ago

Oh my god you stabbed me! Why did you stab me!?

[–]Chanma1 1 point2 points ago

SPOKANE BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[–]L3gionHD 9 points10 points ago

Knife to meet you!

[–]SaikoGekido 24 points25 points ago

See you next bleghghh

[–]nagatake -2 points-1 points ago

Slice to meat you too!

[–]buffalo-mitch 0 points1 point ago

Well, they don't call Spokane the Rio of eastern Washington state for nothing.

[–]TitusAndroidicus 0 points1 point ago

Spokanistan, Spokompton, Slowkane, Spokanada, Methlehem...

[–]Spoonerize 0 points1 point ago

muffalo-bitch

[–]Richmard 0 points1 point ago

Bad Luck Brian IRL

[–]betterthanme 0 points1 point ago

I like the cut of his jib.

[–]alpha2bromega 1 point2 points ago

[–]KrazyNarb 0 points1 point ago

Well he did ask for it

[–]Joeyfingis 0 points1 point ago

Clearly

[–]washboardsam 0 points1 point ago

Several years ago, "what are you gonna do, shoot us?" were the last words of a friend of mine.

[–]GMBeats95 0 points1 point ago

I thought "Get Him to the Greek"

[–]tothesource 0 points1 point ago

I imagine it went down something like this.

[–]Meekakitty17 0 points1 point ago

Said the same shit to my mom.

[–]Jeroknite 0 points1 point ago

Did she stab you?

[–]Meekakitty17 0 points1 point ago

Nahh, she slapped me though

[–]spartom007 0 points1 point ago

Apparently so

[–]gc3 0 points1 point ago

A policeman told me that the most common last words were something like "you don't have the guts to shoot". The cop will ask the shooter, "why did you kill him" and the shooter will say numbly "he asked me to".

[–]SrslyNotAHipsterTtly 0 points1 point ago

Don't taunt the black mage.

[–]desugrace 0 points1 point ago

The kid wanted to die if he taunted a man with a weapon.

[–]EMPIRESx 0 points1 point ago

He was kind of asking for it.

[–]Jeroknite 0 points1 point ago

Sometimes, actions really are louder than words. The action I'm referring to is screaming after being stabbed.

[–]Erickonfire 0 points1 point ago

Not many things actually make me laugh out loud to myself, but this...

[–]Iable-A 0 points1 point ago

Famous last words

[–]Illuscio 0 points1 point ago

Holy shit...someone actually watches KHQ. Spokane redittors stand up (Just not to wildly, you might get stabbed...)!

[–]aalen56 0 points1 point ago

Reminds me of this scene from American Gangster.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXCMz340CRg&feature=player_detailpage#t=62s

[–]CountMalachi 0 points1 point ago

Why yes, thanks for asking.

[–]Flipao 0 points1 point ago

What are you gonna do, downvote me?

[–]Cbeckwith411 0 points1 point ago

There was an officer who worked at my high school who took his job a little too seriously. There was also a student who had very little respect for authority, but a pretty good sense of humor.

One day the student threw a balled up piece of paper onto the floor. The officer, who was walking several meters behind him, shouted to the student something along the lines of, "Hey punk! Are you gunna pick that up?"

The student turned to the face the officer and told him, "Uhh, no. No I'm not."

The officer, quite upset at this point due to his lack of authority at the school, began acting with his emotions. He unclipped his holster and placed his hand on the grip of his handgun.

The student, half-laughing half-concerned, asked the officer, "What are you going to do? Shoot me?"

At this point in the story it would be more exciting to tell you some sort of gun fight took place, but it did not. The officer reclipped his gun and walked away, hanging his head in shame.

tl;dr I'm a white kid from a white suburb.

[–]doomgrin 1 point2 points ago

Well yes. Yes I am. stab

[–]Zigballistic 0 points1 point ago

Have an upvote for my LOL

[–]gglol 0 points1 point ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnYeGqKa3iY

get out of my room dude, what are you going to do

[–]Motley_Sheep 0 points1 point ago

Reminded me of this:

"I know what you're thinking. 'Did he fire six shots or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?"

[–]Pieloi -1 points0 points ago

Ah Payne! Ya stabbed me

[–]larSyn -4 points-3 points ago

Normally I would find this funny, however, last night my friend was stabbed in the back by some punk kid outside of a bar.
I got a sliced across my arm. The fucked up thing is we don't even know what he wanted....he just started stabbing. My arm hurts like a bitch and my buddy is still in the hospital awaiting trauma doctors to check him out. Knives/Stabbing is not funny.

[–]nagatake 3 points4 points ago

At least your friend didn't have to go through that awkward, "Are you going to stab me?" conversation.

[–]larSyn 0 points1 point ago

I suppose...but that probably would have been better than running for his life.

[–]Black6x 0 points1 point ago

Knives/Stabbing is not funny.

Unless it gets 1875 points and front-pages through /r/funny. At that point, the people have spoken.

[–]ImSomali -1 points0 points ago

I like the cut of his jib.

[–]TheB1ade -1 points0 points ago

But if he was "man stabbed" would that not mean he was stabbed with a man?

[–]jneavesiv -1 points0 points ago

Up voted for my home town TV station

[–]AwayItThrows90210 -2 points-1 points ago

i like it when my post does well in karma score

[–]I_Stalk_Girls -2 points-1 points ago

Nice repost. Seen it on reddit, post it on reddit is clearly the thought process you had.