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950
951

Overanalyzing: The Shame & Guilt Issue (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by empyreanmax

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[–]james9075 80 points81 points ago

tickle his prostate with an egg beater. this sounds like something insanity wolf would do to masturbate

[–]THE_IRISHMAN_35 26 points27 points ago

There are 3 settings. Tickle, massage, and puree. Puree is my favorite

[–]checkoutthisbreach 5 points6 points ago

Not far from some of the "101 sex tips" Cosmo suggests.

[–]james9075 2 points3 points ago

i wouldn't know. examples?

[–]Bipolarruledout 8 points9 points ago

Tip 101:

Touch his penis.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]sugarfixkid 4 points5 points ago

I've often seen ones with men... they go out and ask an individual man what HE specifically is into regarding sex... and suggest you use ALL of these on your own man. They also use this in "what men want in a woman", helpful advice from the same article was "wear red lipstick! It is so sexy!" and "I like a natural women who doesn't wear much makeup" also "I love it when a women just wears my tshirt and in all casual" vs. "I love it when women wear lingerie and get all sexy in a corset"

[–]JoelMontgomery 3 points4 points ago

Woman, do ALL the things!

[–]BrainInAJar 1 point2 points ago

you can wear lingerie and a corset under tshirts and jeans

[–]Bipolarruledout 0 points1 point ago

You mean like hand jobs?

[–]corpsey 0 points1 point ago

no... Please no.

[–]james9075 0 points1 point ago

i googled them. they make me question why anyone would read that magazine

[–]KonigderWasserpfeife 4 points5 points ago

Considering one issue said to give his dick an Indian burn, and another said to use a shoelace on his boner, and egg beater is pretty normal.

[–]JabberJauw 55 points56 points ago

"'I had to pay for my own drink' - One womans horror" made me lol

[–]Ian1732 14 points15 points ago

The sexiest sex to sex after sex? COUNT ME IN!

[–]ReversePoopOperation 5 points6 points ago

She is smuggling a lot of bruce willis

[–]adamhaeder 11 points12 points ago

I love the line 'gaze upon the epic prow'

[–]Lawbat 7 points8 points ago

How are they aware of my masturbation habits?!

[–]Bipolarruledout 1 point2 points ago

Cosmo knows more about you than Google... that's why they are at the top.

[–]Ragnalypse 7 points8 points ago

To be fair, this says more about the women who read that shit than the people who make it.

[–]PlatinumTank 2 points3 points ago

This was posted (or something virtually identical) in my apartment building last year. OH GOD INTERNET PREMONITIONS.

[–]scoobyduped 10 points11 points ago

Thats because it was on Cracked last year.

[–]BlackBirdo 2 points3 points ago

I used to buy magizines like this when I was younger...I stopped cause I was tired of feeling depressed all the time and then eventually more tired of taking advice from morons.

[–]MilesColtrane 5 points6 points ago

Didn't see/read anything aside from Hendricks.

Mother of god. titties

[–]AgentVanillaGorilla 13 points14 points ago

Am I the only straight male who doesn't find her very attractive? She isn't proportioned correctly and her boobs just look weird.

[–]The_Maester 6 points7 points ago

No. I mean, I'd obviously bang the shit out of her... But there are soooo many much more beautiful women I'd rather bone.

[–]andthenjaredsaid 5 points6 points ago

Yep.

[–]HappyDays7 4 points5 points ago

She looked good as Saffron, but I think she looks... off now. Her lips and the surrounding skin look like they're part of someone else's face.

[–]MilesColtrane -1 points0 points ago

Pretty sure you're a faggot. Just come to terms with it. There's nothing wrong with being gay.

[–]DyingBreed5FDP 7 points8 points ago

Why, the fuck, do people keep putting NSFW tags on things that AREN'T NSFW?

[–]empyreanmax[S] 12 points13 points ago

a. I figured better safe than sorry

b. What job do you work at where it's okay to be looking at pictures of Christina Hendricks' cleavage?

[–]xFootballCrazy 42 points43 points ago

I'd get highfives from all of my co-workers. We'd all be crowding around the screen grunting but not quite doing anything. Then my boss would come asking us what's going on. I would show him the picture of the voluptuous Christina Hendricks. He'd then look at me and say "Come on now, you know you should be working" Then I'd say "Fuck you dad, I can do whatever I want" My boss would then glare at me for 30 seconds and backhand me in the face. I'd crash to the floor and all my co-workers would immediately leave, rushing to the door. Too late. The doors would become locked and red lights would flash everywhere. It's happening. My body would float up to the ceiling then fall to the floor. Everyone would disregard this. Then my boss would pick me up and look at me in the eyes. "I'm sorry son" I would accept his apology and things will go back to normal.

[–]happlepaff 13 points14 points ago

7/10 would wat again

[–]MrMackay 2 points3 points ago

wat

[–]Bipolarruledout 0 points1 point ago

I Photoshop Christina Hendricks' cleavage all day.

[–]rookdaddy 3 points4 points ago

Because you touch yourself at night.

[–]Phoequinox 1 point2 points ago

I, don't, know,

,

[–]Doovid97 -3 points-2 points ago

Christina Hendricks is always NSFW.

[–]DyingBreed5FDP 0 points1 point ago

Maybe so, but it's annoying that people put all of these NSFW tags on things that don't have boobs (or other genitalia i guess) or entrails in them.

The thing is, I ALWAYS get excited to see something NSFW. Why? Why not... I like seeing boobs, and the occasional gore can't be a bad thing. It's just exhilarating to see something I'm not suppose to.

So this bullshit needs to end.

[–]dagamer34 0 points1 point ago

NSFW = not safe for work, not boobs.

[–]empyreanmax[S] 0 points1 point ago

If this doesn't count as boobs to you I don't know what does.

[–]smiles11 1 point2 points ago

I suddenly feel exposed.

[–]SonicSlice 2 points3 points ago

Are you Christina Hendricks?

[–]SugarGirl27 1 point2 points ago

As a female, I totally laughed. Cosmo sucks.

[–]squidesquide 4 points5 points ago

This should generate a few orgasms at SRS

[–]shibainus 0 points1 point ago

HAHAHA

[–]leftnotracks 0 points1 point ago

“Prow.” mag-fucking-nificent!

[–]Big_Brick 0 points1 point ago

Wut, was it text on it aswell?

[–]SenselessNoise 0 points1 point ago

"Chivalry died when women started readin' the shit in all them magazines. They got too much advice about men from other women. And they don't know what the fuck they're talkin' about. I see them in the grocery store, says on the cover "100 Ways to Please Your Man" by some lady. Come on, man. Ain't no 100 ways. That list is four things long. Just suck his dick, play with his balls, fix him a sandwich, and don't talk so much and he'll be happy!"

-Dave Chappelle

[–]Abelabliss 0 points1 point ago

"Sex again? What are you an alley cat?" That made me lol

[–]jonr 0 points1 point ago

For a moment I wasn't sure if real...

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]AgentVanillaGorilla 0 points1 point ago

Me neither! Her breasts just look unnatural and unattractive to me. She has a nice face though. Nothing special, don't get the hype.

[–]theflyingburritto 0 points1 point ago

It took me a minute to realize this was a joke.

[–]poozank -4 points-3 points ago

The egg beater part was the only thing that elicited a chuckle.

[–]IplayTheGuitarBetter -2 points-1 points ago

Sex.

[–]iamaftu -2 points-1 points ago

Chop off your leg!

[–]meangrampa 1 point2 points ago

Then you could do amputee porn.

[–]rookdaddy 1 point2 points ago

What do find a girl with no legs? Right where you left her!

[–]noiche -4 points-3 points ago

"Do cupcakes make good boyfriends?"

A question everyone asks at some point in their life.

[–]Bipolarruledout 0 points1 point ago

In the next issue: Ben or Jerry? Why not both?

[–]Monsterwanker69 -4 points-3 points ago

overANALyzing

[–]CynicalPineapple -2 points-1 points ago

Lower left hand corner, that is all that needs to be said.

[–]BRENNANIXON -3 points-2 points ago

Don't call me stupid but is this a satirical magazine? The egg beater, quick weight loss tip, and other such parts strongly hint of satire.

[–]MrMackay 0 points1 point ago

Yes. Yes it is satirical.

[–]jerseyg67 -4 points-3 points ago

Cupcakes make excellant boyfriends.

[–]AnkhOmega 2 points3 points ago

All you have to do is take a cup of flour....

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