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top 200 commentsshow all 236

[–]TheBigBanger 289 points290 points ago

Since when does Oregon Trail have graphics!???!

[–]plexxonic 42 points43 points ago

It's not green, I refuse to acknowledge this.

[–]Dardove 104 points105 points ago

This looks like some new age remake and not the real Oregon Trail.

[–]Fubbles 76 points77 points ago

That shit is witchcraft right there.

[–]IAmA_Zombie 7 points8 points ago

Burn OP!!!

[–]Achlies[S] 13 points14 points ago

Mostly, I meant the constantly-tipping-into-water thing. Not the graphics. I had the black screen with green text as well.

[–]whosthat 7 points8 points ago

1992 edition was in color. I was in elementary school when it came out. It was the shit.

[–]iGotChubs4You 1 point2 points ago

This is not your gif. This was posted a few weeks ago. ADMIT IT!

[–]tehweave 12 points13 points ago

EXACTLY. Back in my day it was green text on a black screen.

[–]Brian175 8 points9 points ago

Indeed played that shit on a Apple IIC though by time I got to High School they had some kind of Oregon Trail with 2D SVGA graphics. I don't know what he's got going on.

[–]reddell 2 points3 points ago

Played it on an apple Played it on an apple IIe myself.

[–]lildrumerboy161 0 points1 point ago

thats what im sayin. that shits supposed to be 2D

[–]Frankeh 0 points1 point ago

Pretty sure someone just made that in 3d studio max or something to illustrate the joke.

[–]kvachon 404 points405 points ago

[–]ubernood 208 points209 points ago

I was next gen, though OP's Oregon Trail had me wondering when the fuck OT got such fancy graphics.

Edit: While we're on the subject of Elementary school computer games, did anyone else get to play Cross-Country USA? (sorry for the link to the Google images--imgur didn't support its file type.)

[–]DrPhilBradley 27 points28 points ago

What was the name/version of that Oregon Trail game? It was on our elementary and middle school mac computers and I want to play it again for nostalgia's sake!

[–]Kuruzen 12 points13 points ago

[–]omgpeachsnapple 9 points10 points ago

Thank you for this link. Part of me wants to buy this right now but another part of me knows it's just going to end super poorly for my computer when my entire family drowns crossing that LAST GOD DAMN RIVER.

[–]Kuruzen 4 points5 points ago

If you searched hard and long enough, you could probably find a downloadable version.

[–]thechaserx 7 points8 points ago

You can. I actually have this exact copy. I got it when I got Ski Free again. Totally worth it.

[–]kvachon 31 points32 points ago

[–]thechaserx 12 points13 points ago

NO! Get away!

[–]blueshiftlabs 7 points8 points ago

[–]s00p3r 5 points6 points ago

Fucking yetis.

[–]uncooked_spaghetti 2 points3 points ago

how does on get skifree?!

[–]Mr_A 1 point2 points ago

Author's original site (bonus: commentary/history is interesting!): http://ski.ihoc.net/

[–]IceCreamSunde 2 points3 points ago

I laughed for a good five minutes watching this, thank you

[–]HobbytheWise 1 point2 points ago

He has 2 more... Plus a hell of a ton of other game commentary. I've wasted many a night watching this stuff.

[–]dan_t_mann 2 points3 points ago

They are making Oregon Trail with the Source engine?... o wait, I think I need to get my eyes checked...

[–]Megabert 2 points3 points ago

That would be almost as badass as Mario Kart Source.

[–]wizez 1 point2 points ago

bought

[–]KingNick 14 points15 points ago

This is the gen I played! Such good times were had :)

"I'll take all my money's worth of ammo, good sir!"

"But sir....not to offend....but you only have one Ox pulling your wagon...and for such an awfully long trip, it seems strange to not bring spare wheels or anything of the like!"

"That's fine, shopkeep; but I'll be taking that ammo for hunting now."

"But, sir! I must insist you keep some money for a doctor! Your son looks as though he could keel over any minute now from the sickness! And it seems that you have set your rations poorly s-"

"THE AMMO, SHOPKEEP! CLASS IS ALMOST IVER AND I WANT TO HUNT!!!!"

[–]sabreteeth 20 points21 points ago

I used to go the all bullets route. Until an axle broke between stops and I spent weeks on the trail waiting for someone, anyone, to please trade me an axle. No such luck. I hunted the area dry while my family dwindled away to disease. I finally understood the desolation of the wagon parties. I spent the following week's recess motionless on a swing with a thousand yard stare, imagining my poor children Fartboy and Angelica defecating mercilessly until they could no longer hold on. All for my foolish ambition. All for bullets.

[–]dingofarmer2004 5 points6 points ago

Dude. With your bullets...YOU CAN TAKE THEIR AXLES.

[–]dannyboi965 1 point2 points ago

Slow clap

[–]toxicmischief 12 points13 points ago

Man, hardcore flashback of Windows 3.1.

[–]Shruglife 8 points9 points ago

need more bullets

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]floridalegend 2 points3 points ago

Seriously, most accurate comment.

[–]speak27 4 points5 points ago

Shit dude. Me too. AND my name is Matt. I still don't know what the fuck a "wagon tongue" is.

[–]Froggypwns 3 points4 points ago

It is the assembly that connects the oxen to the wagon. Or I'm just assuming thats what it is, since the term tongue is still used with trailers on trucks today.

[–]Squeeums 2 points3 points ago

The tongue is what connects the team (oxen/horses) pulling the wagon to the front axle of the wagon.

[–]ofsinope 2 points3 points ago

That one looks nice! I played the black-and-green version in elementary school...

[–]Boatlights 1 point2 points ago

Yes! At least, I played the Canadian version of that game. I was dedicated enough to finish the game, got the sweet vacation ending. Had sort of a commodity trading aspect if I recall.

[–]chadextrabacon 0 points1 point ago

Yea, I have fond memories with that game. Shotgun shells were so expensive.

[–]lanbrocalrissian 0 points1 point ago

That is the Oregon trail I remember.

[–]spankymuffin 0 points1 point ago

I think I was on the cusp because I remember both versions more or less equally.

[–]Nolanoscopy 0 points1 point ago

Fuck yeah! None of my friends know what I'm talking about when I bring up this version of the OT. I guess everyone used to play the green version :/

[–]CMBurns 0 points1 point ago

now that pic brings back memories.

[–]RaindropBebop 0 points1 point ago

YES, this is the one I was looking for!

[–]UpGoaTedThis 0 points1 point ago

Holy shit! I forgot all about Cross-Country USA!

[–]nunobo 70 points71 points ago

Dude, DUDE, you gotta do some hunting and some resting. You can't be traveling on poor health!

[–]superjentendo 22 points23 points ago

sigh. & someone was always dying of dysentery.

[–]meatblock 11 points12 points ago

Pfft, real trailblazers live with the dysentery.

[–]nachopoop789 7 points8 points ago

Dying from dysentery was for pussies

[–]TheFluxCapacitor 39 points40 points ago

You might enjoy r/oregontrailproblems.

[–]onlythis 1 point2 points ago

If you have oregon trail problems I feel bad for you son.

I got 99 problems but a broken axle ain't one.

[–]theburz 1 point2 points ago

You need more upvotes. Many more upvotes!

[–]part_of_me 27 points28 points ago

I totally clicked on comments to say WTF COLOUR OREGON TRAIL

[–]HumanPersonMan 17 points18 points ago

Apple 2e!

[–]oldswag 13 points14 points ago

ah yes, when games were on the apple

[–]Novaglarion 7 points8 points ago

My first computer! Oregon Trail and Lemonade Stand got me through some tough times as a kid. Also had Broderbund's Print Shop. I made so many entertaining (to a kid) posters with that and my dot matrix printer with a tractor feed.
Not sure if old
or awesome.

[–]bananapeel 0 points1 point ago

Old AND awesome.

[–]Novaglarion 2 points3 points ago

[–]smdepot 3 points4 points ago

shit ran BASIC and oregon trail. ahh when life was simple.

[–]oohdachronic 9 points10 points ago

For real. On the 5x8 floppy disk losing oxen left and right

[–]DreadPiratesRobert 3 points4 points ago

Mine was somewhere in between this and OPs

[–]DisraeliEers 2 points3 points ago

Yes! This is the one where you had to stop and insert disk 2 halfway through.

[–]Seicair 3 points4 points ago

Seriously. I have no idea wtf this guy is playing. Never seen that before.

[–]Demonblah 1 point2 points ago

YES! Now this looks right, OP's looks too good.

[–]SociallyAwkwardJedi 1 point2 points ago

Thank you! I saw the 3D animation and thought, "What sorcery is this?!"

[–]dan_t_mann 2 points3 points ago

It looks like the kind of 3D graphics you see on those monitors when you go to the bowling alley.

[–]spankymuffin 1 point2 points ago

My best friend, crush, sister, or favorite teenage mutant ninja turtle is NOT named "Nicole," thankyouverymuch...

[–]kvachon 1 point2 points ago

Your reference, I get it

[–]Beeninya 1 point2 points ago

Nicole has died of Dysentery!

[–]psychroclasm 0 points1 point ago

Unless they die outright.

[–]cowyeah 0 points1 point ago

YES! I was wondering where the hell the pixels were!

[–]Waxiest_apple 136 points137 points ago

I think the maddest I have ever been at Oregon Trail was when I decided to ford a 3 foot deep river because, hey it was only three feet deep. 350 pounds of food floated away and my wife drowned. How does that even HAPPEN.

[–]Fubbles 207 points208 points ago

Your wife was the 350 pounds of food.

OOOOOOOH SNAP!

[–]wittywhit 42 points43 points ago

Especially if he was in the Donner Party.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]wittywhit 21 points22 points ago

You can't spell cannibalism without smilin!

[–]nachopoop789 5 points6 points ago

You should try bath salts

[–]Nolanoscopy 1 point2 points ago

Too soon.

[–]SisRob 1 point2 points ago

165 years...

btw, is there a reason I have you tagged as Colognescopy?

[–]devourer09 1 point2 points ago

Omg that was perfect. The set up was great but... Just good job. I wish I could shake your hand or give you a high five.

[–]4se 33 points34 points ago

3 feet is pretty deep for a wagon and your wife was a drunk.

[–]Supertrample 39 points40 points ago

I made my son's name the name for everyone in our party the first time I showed it to him, so every time something happened it was to him. :)

[–]PDK01 31 points32 points ago

Therapy bills: Incoming.

[–]lemonfreedom 13 points14 points ago

you monster

[–]therealjohnfreeman 5 points6 points ago

Parent of the year right here. :P

[–]Supertrample 5 points6 points ago

It was hilarious, especially since he's an outdoorsy/pioneer type of kid. He was bitten by a rattlesnake 3 times, died of dysentery twice, and had 4 broken arms.

Edit: now that I think about it more, his dad set it up while he was out of the room, then played with him watching. Every time he was surprised to hear his name. :)

[–]TheOtherSideOfThings 2 points3 points ago

And you wonder why he doesn't go outside.

[–]f3tch 0 points1 point ago

So you hate your son?

[–]crazyex 83 points84 points ago

What version is this magic? Last time I played it was ascii graphics

[–]HopeImNotAStalker 49 points50 points ago

C'mon man, it was 300x200, 6 color (give or take pixels and color). Give MECC some credit.

But yeah, OP think he old school and shit.

[–]crazyex 21 points22 points ago

Nigga that was so long ago I just guessed and shit.

:( downvotes. Can't an older fella spend friday evening a little tipsy while me kids are with their mother and her new husband?

[–]HopeImNotAStalker 36 points37 points ago

We're both white, aren't we?

[–]crazyex 34 points35 points ago

Maybe. I'm just tryin' to be rad.

[–]verbalpunchingbag 33 points34 points ago

white status confirmed. sorry about your life situation.

[–]Kalinoz 4 points5 points ago

Zing!

[–]verbalpunchingbag 3 points4 points ago

i honestly was trying to be empathetic to the home alone drunk new husband out with the wife kids thing. oh well.

[–]Gorhob 1 point2 points ago

I bought it.

[–]ramkahen 1 point2 points ago

C'mon man, it was 300x200, 6 color (give or take pixels and color).

6 colors totally beat the crap out of these CGA losers.

[–]Achlies[S] 2 points3 points ago

I didn't actually play this version. Just remembered all that fucking tipping trying to cross a 2 ft river and loosing my child and 100 pounds of food. Lameness.

[–]Dizmn 3 points4 points ago

Looks like 5. I used to play that shit on Linux back in the day*

*back in the day=2004

[–]jumbopanda 16 points17 points ago

[–]SelfImmolationsHell 0 points1 point ago

*Winning mode

[–]quietmasturdebater 28 points29 points ago

Not enough cholera.

[–]Ghost_of_Akina 40 points41 points ago

Needs more dysentery.

[–]roflcraptor 14 points15 points ago

I just paid you money for a ferry, and you killed my brother. That my good sir, is HORSESHIT!

[–]hbdgas 11 points12 points ago

I normally had shit like this happen.

[–]FlawlessCowboy 7 points8 points ago

Always wished I could shoot that damn thief. Doesn't he know about my skill with a rifle in hunting, or the fact I bought more rounds then I would ever need?

[–]Drewcifur 11 points12 points ago

Link to new oregon trail?

[–]pr1ntscreen 4 points5 points ago

You can buy it on Amazon

[–]Drewcifur 4 points5 points ago

Thank you for actually giving me a REAL response.

Unlike the asshat who only linked google.

As if I didn't try google...

[–]nachopoop789 2 points3 points ago

Only 5 bucks?! Damn I know what I'm doing!

[–]NekkidSnaku 13 points14 points ago

Gonig to the Pirate bay!

[–]nachopoop789 9 points10 points ago

Yo ho yo ho

[–]wanderso24 3 points4 points ago

I'm way too drunk right now and that comment made me laugh more than any other comment today. Here, take this internet point. You've earned it kid.

[–]nachopoop789 5 points6 points ago

Gee, Thanks Mister!

[–]NekkidSnaku 2 points3 points ago

can i have some internet points? :(

[–]Nolanoscopy 2 points3 points ago

tosses an upvote

Now scram, get outta here ya little rascal. ruffles hair as you run away Nah, but he's a good kid.

[–]NekkidSnaku 2 points3 points ago

THANKS MISTER!

[–]Froggypwns 1 point2 points ago

Platform: Windows 98 / Me / 95, Mac

Does it even still work on a modern Win7 64 bit? Oh well, I have a XP virtual machine, I can always easily make a Win98 too.

[–]WarlordFred 4 points5 points ago

How did 9/11 affect tourism to a city on the opposite side of the country?

[–]QuasarSGB 8 points9 points ago

People traveled less in general. They didn't just stop going to NYC.

[–]cortesoft 7 points8 points ago

Because flying suddenly started involving being groped and having your water bottle treated like a nuclear bomb.

[–]salt_addict 1 point2 points ago

I was a little confused by that too... in all my years living so close to Oregon City I've never even noticed anything that could be called tourism in the first place... it's not really considered a nice place to live. My guess would be that with the new security measures and people being afraid of flying, tourism took a hit everywhere. That being said, I flew to Hawaii less than a year after 9/11 and besides the armed soldiers in the airport and increased security it didn't seem less crowded.

Edit for grammatical errors and removal of pointless information.

[–]panama_dave 0 points1 point ago

The Oregon Trail finally gets its comeuppance for fucking-over 6-year-olds just trying to avoid reading circle.

[–]warmpita 27 points28 points ago

On the oooold Oregon Trail my wagon got on fire in the middle of the river. Three people died.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Oatybar 22 points23 points ago

Just the Cuyahoga.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Oatybar 11 points12 points ago

Joke. Cuyahoga river caught fire in the late 60's because it was full of shit. Nowhere near Oregon. Carry on.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]runnerboy23 6 points7 points ago

"Come see our river that catches on fire,,

It's so polluted that ALL OUR FISH HAVE AIDS!"

[–]warmpita 1 point2 points ago

I've only ever seen it the once when I was in Elementary school. I got there early so I could play before school started.

[–]mindbleach 0 points1 point ago

AI in those days was pretty shoddy.

[–]wanderso24 0 points1 point ago

I've lost many wives while crossing rivers in that damn game. It really isn't much of a game anymore when you're saying goodbye to fictional loved ones as a child.

[–]warmpita 2 points3 points ago

Very true. I named one trip after my dogs. Got depressed.

[–]gfmsfootball6560 4 points5 points ago

Does anyone know where one can play the old game? I would love to have my entire party die of dysentery once again. Also wouldnt mind playing amazon trail again.

[–]UniversityofJelly 15 points16 points ago

Must. Hunt. More.

[–]Dolomite808 53 points54 points ago

You killed 54367 pounds of meat, but you can only carry 100 pounds back to the wagon.

[–]Taikunman 25 points26 points ago

Apparently the concept of taking multiple trips wasn't invented until the turn of the century.

[–]Rasalom 12 points13 points ago

You still aren't going to be able to store 54367 pounds of meat on your wagon.

[–]Vondi 15 points16 points ago

I seem to recall packing an awful lot of meat in her wagon.

[–]Tawfiq7 6 points7 points ago

Something, something, something giant penis.

[–]MonitorMan 0 points1 point ago

prove it

[–]WarlordFred 2 points3 points ago

I'm sure the distance between the wagon and the field was great enough that the rest of the meat would have spoiled before you got back.

[–]Bambikins 5 points6 points ago

I grew up with this exact Oregon Trail game, and this is the exact reason why I hate it. All my pioneers died on me too. :|

FYI, the one in the gif is Oregon Trail 5th Edition. The game consists of many type of animations, there are 3D animations when crossing a river, cartoon scenes in between "chapters". It's not that fancy actually.

[–]thingsidontremember 4 points5 points ago

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]wanderso24 2 points3 points ago

That takes balls.

[–]Achlies[S] 1 point2 points ago

Wait . . . what? I mean, I see two other people have submitted the gif under different subreddits, but mine was done 8 hours before that.

Perhaps it's not a great conspiracy and I'm trying to get insane karma (under different accounts?) but someone else saw the success and is trying to get in on it.

[–]lugnut92 5 points6 points ago

My best Oregon Trail Screenshot

Note the distance left to the river.

[–]ComaDuck 3 points4 points ago

As an Oregonian, I verify the accuracy of this in my day-to-day life.

[–]chelofellow 3 points4 points ago

Alt title: Oregon Fail

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

did fording the river ever work? I seriously don't know.

[–]nachopoop789 1 point2 points ago

Yeah when it was like, a foot deep. Otherwise you get dysentery and your oxen get stolen.

[–]ramkahen 2 points3 points ago

So glad it's not a dysentery-related gif.

[–]submergej2 2 points3 points ago

You must ALWAYS FORD THE RIVER WITH FURY

[–]munch_the_gunch 2 points3 points ago

STOP STEALING MY WAGON WHEELS YOU DAMN INDIANS!

[–]MrAlexBradley 2 points3 points ago

What about the dysentery?!

[–]mrpopenfresh 2 points3 points ago

If I could go back in time I would patent the floating carrage and make thousands!

[–]b3tzy 4 points5 points ago

My 8th grade geometry teacher was one of the 3 developers of the original Oregon Trail.

[–]theonlychad 2 points3 points ago

Man i remember that game. We use to put classmates names as the characters and yell out to them when they died and made fun of them for dying... I guess we were pretty fucked up kids.

[–]PixelizedApe 3 points4 points ago

Every. Fuckin'. Time.

[–]IntENTs_camper 1 point2 points ago

That and fucking rattlesnakes

[–]timeandspace11 1 point2 points ago

Damn, this brings me back to when I was in elementary school, and I played that game daily. I literally havent though about it in years, and now I have an urge to play it right now.

[–]kiki6y6 1 point2 points ago

i remember playing this game for hours. never did make it through.

[–]peperony-and-chease 1 point2 points ago

It's not the real Oregon Trail unless it has my tombstone.

[–]ljshea1 1 point2 points ago

DYSENTERY

[–]ashleyamdj 1 point2 points ago

Very serious question. WHERE can I find this?!?! This edition was my absolute favorite! Is there a download somewhere? I can never find it at the stores. I don't want some new fangled one. Maybe an older one, but I want THIS one!!!

[–]iatethefruit 1 point2 points ago

I only got to play the 2D version when I was a kid. I feel old.

[–]syfr1221 1 point2 points ago

Dude, you had WAY better graphics than I had.

[–]HustlerThug 1 point2 points ago

I'm looking at this drunk as hell and this made no sense.

[–]Khalexus 1 point2 points ago

I feel like I missed out on something as a kid. I've never played Oregon Trail, nor ever seen anyone play it. All I've ever seen were photos of "You have died of Dysentery" etc.

Though looking at the wiki, apparently this game seemed to be on every school computer in the US. So, any other Aussies here that have never played this game?

[–]SiHy 1 point2 points ago

I still had Baker Cat open from another thread when I watched this. The music goes so well with it.

[–]Achlies[S] 1 point2 points ago

Sweet mother of jesus.

[–]Spadle27 1 point2 points ago

So much fail in one GIF

[–]sunchow 1 point2 points ago

all my kids died from snake bites; some doctor i was!

[–]CheekySprite 0 points1 point ago

Jesus christ, why are you all so obsessed with being older than everyone else?

[–]festivusprime 2 points3 points ago

In the little time our rheumatism permits us to get out of bed, we like to get on reddit, but it's not enough time to forget the aeons of accumulated pains.

[–]Elidor 1 point2 points ago

I would play the fuck out of this.

[–]BigMike__ 2 points3 points ago

How old are you exactly?

[–]Achlies[S] 1 point2 points ago

Twenty-four. This wasn't the version I actually played. Just reminded me of all the fucking times I fell over trying to cross the gd rivers on my black and green Apple screen.

EDIT: For some reason, whenever I type out "24" it turns it into "1."

[–]menasan 0 points1 point ago

i watched that waay to long waiting for the time it gets across

[–]Dafuzz 0 points1 point ago

Nah, it was getting just outside of town then hunting "6500 lbs of buffalo (you can only carry 100 lbs of food back to camp)" until your bullets are gone

[–]bluequail 0 points1 point ago

That was the best laugh I had today! :) Thank you.

[–]CitizenJaggers 0 points1 point ago

What the n64 is this??? This is no Oregon Trail...

[–]lwish117 0 points1 point ago

I laughed out loud at this with 4 people at my house and they all stared at me

[–]inmatarian 0 points1 point ago

insufficient grass.

[–]photolove8 0 points1 point ago

Does anyone know where I can find an emulator version of Oregon Trail 2?

[–]dlefnemulb_rima 0 points1 point ago

you... spent your childhood making computer-generated gifs? I DONT GET IT I BRITISH

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]vulpesvulpes_ 0 points1 point ago

What a noob, everybody knows you've gotta caulk that bitch and float it across. Granted it's not too heavy, of course