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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]BabyGazelle 233 points234 points ago

Could've been worse. Could've been anthrax.

[–]mils309 19 points20 points ago

I never understood why people were so afraid of Anthrax. It is probably one of the stupidest ways to kill anyone ever. You spend large amounts of money and have to get actual scientists to weaponize it, and even then you might maybe kill the person who opens the envelope and if your really lucky, another person. A terrorist would be better off throwing a couple rocks out of a window of a tall building in the city.

[–]keiyakins 9 points10 points ago

It's basically due to how anonymous and distant it is

[–]Conquerer 350 points351 points ago

[–]Sleepy_One 136 points137 points ago

Birthday card from Grandpa!

Anthrax.

[–]ohnowait 74 points75 points ago

Acceptance letter from college!

Anthrax.

[–]ChemicalRascal 46 points47 points ago

Paycheck from cushy government job!

Drone attack.

[–]DaddyDanceParty 24 points25 points ago

Oh Grandpa, you rascal.

[–]Dolemiiiiiiite 39 points40 points ago

they're called e-mails

[–]jooze 22 points23 points ago

Virus

[–]old_calico_cat 26 points27 points ago

cyber anthrax

[–]Dolemiiiiiiite 560 points561 points ago

boy that [deleted] guy sure gets around...

[–]azheng888 409 points410 points ago

Worst novelty account ever

[–]flat7 297 points298 points ago

HAHA I'm on Reddit a lot and I get the reference!

[–]MrDino 465 points466 points ago

kill yourself

[–]Sparrow475 59 points60 points ago

You forgot to delete your account.

[–]DroopySage 42 points43 points ago

We got him this time.

[–]flavoredlemons 30 points31 points ago

bake 'em away toys

[–]cdr1598 81 points82 points ago

[–]jacobbsny10 44 points45 points ago

After seeing the Avengers about a week ago, I now understand that reference!

[–]klethra 26 points27 points ago

m-m-m-meta

[–]Tallain 16 points17 points ago

I'm So Meta, Even This Acronym

[–]Cutsman4057 57 points58 points ago

i love knowing things that go on on reddit.

but then i realize im alone on reddit on friday night.

but then i realize i wouldnt want to be doing anything else.

i love you guys.

[–]TimeToWander 69 points70 points ago

Kill yourself

[–]ravenpride 10 points11 points ago

At least this guy owns up to it...

[–]FCalleja 14 points15 points ago

Too much time on reddit, etc

[–]AmateurGynecologyst 17 points18 points ago

DAE read popular Reddit posts!?

[–]ELEMENTALITYNES 193 points194 points ago

what the hell is the bucket doing in that gif? he's literally ROFLing...

[–]UncleTedGenneric 157 points158 points ago

He popped some E.

Truly rolling face.

[–]farceur318 55 points56 points ago

He's having a seizure. Somebody help him before he swallows his tongue and dies.

[–]othersomethings 16 points17 points ago

HIS NAME IS "PAIL"! Not BUCKET!

[–]SnakestJ91 13 points14 points ago

Exactly! That is what makes it. Brings it all together.

[–]angels_speak_to_me 39 points40 points ago

[–]creepyeyes 34 points35 points ago

The purple backdrop one has SO MUCH PHOTOSHOP POTENTIAL

[–]_ropes 46 points47 points ago

Your wish is my command. http://i.imgur.com/z9NKo.gif

[–]thebballer25 2 points3 points ago

That's beautiful.

[–]bokurai 5 points6 points ago

Gah, he's so fucking CUTE.

[–]eXtreme98 10 points11 points ago

I must see a video of this!

[–]metathesis 10 points11 points ago

[–]likesgaythings 102 points103 points ago

I always get scared when I get a reply/message, whether on a forum, tumblr, reddit, emails.

Maybe because I'm paranoid that people hate me. :|

[–]YouCantOutrunABear 25 points26 points ago

Me too. And then I spend ages and ages going over my own posts just in case I typed something incorrectly or worded a sentence wrong or failed to look up a fact correctly. Every orangered is potentially someone correcting my errors which means they saw my errors and now it's too late to fix it oh god.

[–]likesgaythings 12 points13 points ago

That's why I don't ever, ever, discuss politics online.

Because oh god, my research could be wrong and this person has worded this better and I just look like a heartless fool with my poorly educated opinions and oh god oh god.

[–]hastalapasta666 2 points3 points ago

Yeah... me right now... I just commented this on your original post too.

[–]Chocolate_Sushi 45 points46 points ago

WE DO HATE YOU!* WE DO! YOU LIKE GAY THINGS! GTFO!

*We don't hate you. Well...I don't. At least....not yet.

[–]ryumast3r 23 points24 points ago

yetyetyetyetyetyetyetyetyet

[–]Real-Life-Reddit 3 points4 points ago

penis

[–]scartinator 14 points15 points ago

FUCK YOU

[–]likesgaythings 22 points23 points ago

In the ass, preferably.

[–]amazingGOB 4 points5 points ago

well fuck my ass and call me a bitch

[–]FetchingCrow 134 points135 points ago

Yeah, I'm irrationally terrified of orangereds. I'm not really sure why! Even though I was completely fine regularly posting (and drawing pictures, even!) at 4chan a few years ago, I find myself really afraid of getting a negative reply here, even if I know I'm responding to a troll and I know that there's no way every single person will agree with everything I say.

edit: and then I get the most responses I have ever gotten.

[–]DiscordianStooge 93 points94 points ago

Whenever I see the red envelope, I try to remember if I said anything even remotely controversial in the last day, just to prepare myself.

[–]MuhMuh 53 points54 points ago

Don't ever take a sleeping pill and then post a stupid link that's not a link, but really just a file on your computer and then proceed to yell at it, just furthering your obvious lack of computer knowledge while impaired... I was reloading my inbox for three hours. Apparently 25 is as high as it will go.

RES tags are also fucking terrible, and apparently cause for some people to downvote you on sight.

Tl;dr: If you see the number 25 under that damn thing, you are fucked and you should probably just run away.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]othersomethings 2 points3 points ago

*she

[–]Stealyphil1905 11 points12 points ago

Strange. I tagged you so I could mockingly upvote you in remembrance.

[–]Marshfellow 13 points14 points ago

I first look at my karma. If it has gone up, i relax a little. If it went down, I prepare for the worst.

[–]CaptainSombrero 8 points9 points ago

There's red envelopes? How do you get those?

[–]jakeleo90 10 points11 points ago

[–]ShitRedditSayHipster 2 points3 points ago

Don't you rich white males ever think that, HMMM, there may possibly be a colorblind person on reddit? Rot in hell!

[–]CrowEater 2 points3 points ago

[–]Humongous_Douchebag 99 points100 points ago

FUCK YOU.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I agree with you and your post was spot on.

Good day chap!

[–]teadziez 26 points27 points ago

I'm not sure if I like you.

[–]Kawaii- 28 points29 points ago

I upvote replies regardless if they are mean. :o)

[–]vocaltalentz 23 points24 points ago

That's suspiciously kind of you..

[–]Le-Captain-Obvious 2 points3 points ago

2 words. Canadia, eh?

[–]CaptainSombrero 30 points31 points ago

Fuck you, you stupid little bitch. I hope you get bit by a puppy.

Now we wait...

[–]bastard_thought 14 points15 points ago

Let's be honest. I'm replying for that single piece of kindness.

[–]Villiers18 9 points10 points ago

This is true for me too! I type out an angry response in an argument where I am very confident I'm right, and yet I'm terrified to actually click the icon when I do get a response.

[–]Hailz_ 7 points8 points ago

Definitely. Every time I see an orangered I can't help but think "Oh God, what did I say this time?!"

[–]narpas 6 points7 points ago

I disagree. Your boneheaded stance on this topic only reveals the absurd lengths you and your kind will go to defend your precious "leaders". You're either a liar, an idiot, or paid shill.

Go ahead, pick one, and let me know who you are: liar, idiot, shill.

Go back to wherever you came from. You make me lose faith in humanity.

This actually wound up being more mean-spirited then I meant. Have a good day!

[–]jpr123 11 points12 points ago

False alarm.

[–]play3393 3 points4 points ago

Nice job, guy who secretly loves orangereds

[–]Nictionary 2 points3 points ago

Psych! Keep up the good work buddy.

[–]AScholarlyGentleman 701 points702 points ago

kill yourself

[–]knifeparti[S] 573 points574 points ago

oh you

[–]Jonovox 193 points194 points ago

kill me

[–]LastBearBender 348 points349 points ago

[–]Mapes 307 points308 points ago

[–]WoodenPlunger 209 points210 points ago

Not too bright of an atmosphere in the comments today.

[–]Mapes 147 points148 points ago

[–]Obj_solid 14 points15 points ago

What are talking about "wouldn't hurt"!? MY SIDES ! TOO MUCH LAUGHTER

[–]ChemicalRascal 13 points14 points ago

Sounds like you should kill yourself to fix that.

[–]Bored_At_Night 230 points231 points ago

If you don't like it, kill yourself.

[–]danpascooch 182 points183 points ago

"Welcome back to Fox, tonight at 11: 'Reddit, harmless news sharing site? Or den of vicious cyber bullies who encourage others to kill themselves?' more on this newest threat tonight'"

[–]Bored_At_Night 132 points133 points ago

The joke is that people who watch Fox for real news are already dead inside.

[–]Armyofgod 95 points96 points ago

I watch Fox news when I don't have access to The Onion.

[–]fondlemeLeroy 58 points59 points ago

I'll go on the show as a reddit representative, wearing all black with heavy black mascara and a shirt depicting a Narwhal gangbanging a fleet of kittens, replying to every question with some variation of "fuck you faggot" followed by pelvic thrusts.

[–]IAmA_Zombie 27 points28 points ago

I think we just found our new mascot.

[–]25or6tofour 7 points8 points ago

Sounds a little 4chan-ish.

[–]rekgreen 7 points8 points ago

I just got this one. Goodbye cruel world.

[–]Hk37 13 points14 points ago

Nah, that's just SRS.

[–]Squirrel_Nuts 20 points21 points ago

Happy cake day.

Now kill yourself.

[–]herpderpdoo 4 points5 points ago

you kidding? I'm saving all of these for later threads

[–]DoucheyJackass 70 points71 points ago

[–]IAmA_Zombie 8 points9 points ago

Honestly when she doesn't have that facial expression she's pretty cute.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

I bet her brains and flesh taste pretty good too, eh buddy?

[–]Superchair14 14 points15 points ago

You are beautiful people and you should be proud of yourselves

[–]R3allybored 25 points26 points ago

You should kill yourself.

[–]Superchair14 51 points52 points ago

YOKYO

[–]IFuckedABearOnce 46 points47 points ago

[–]bigbear75 31 points32 points ago

I think I met you once...

[–]MrJuwi 3 points4 points ago

[–]claudiopsanchez 26 points27 points ago

Later.

[–]VasiliiZaytsev 21 points22 points ago

[–]Dentarthurdent42 22 points23 points ago

Oh god... Fullmetal Alchemist flashbacks...

[–]FranticDav 2 points3 points ago

Nina! No.............

[–]AScholarlyGentleman 2 points3 points ago

Oh dear lord, yes. Nina. Poor fucking Nina. Saddest fucking story arc.

[–]TimeToWander 2 points3 points ago

I dont..... wat..

[–]The_Doctor_00 16 points17 points ago

That wasn't scholarly or gentlemanly!

[–]squee_monkey 7 points8 points ago

A man's got to take a holiday sometimes. I mean I really like monkeys but sometimes I've just got to relax.

[–]fohacidal 6 points7 points ago

You gotta delete yourself now

[–]plan_b_ability 73 points74 points ago

I never get any :( EDIT:Thank you guys.Seriously.

[–]Cryptokeyblade 45 points46 points ago

Here ya go champ.

[–]circa 20 points21 points ago

.

[–]david-me 16 points17 points ago

.

[–]PringleGuy 37 points38 points ago

. <--- Look! We made an ellipsis!

[–]Shardwing 17 points18 points ago

...Kill yourself.

[–]NatesYourMate 3 points4 points ago

HAPPY CAKE DAY GUY WITH A PERIOD

[–]Luciferian56 4 points5 points ago

Have an awesome day.

[–]RyukaChi 9 points10 points ago

Don't be sad, now you do. :)

[–]lucifer_aka_satan 15 points16 points ago

use /u/andrewsmith1986's method, post something then delete it quickly, so they get a notification and then...

nothing

[–]Osiris32 7 points8 points ago

He's been doing that to me ven since I threatened him with revenge a few hours ago. About every 10 minutes or so. One of these times, I'll get it before he deletes it, and get a good response in. Or something, I haven't quite figured that part out yet.

[–]Skwink 37 points38 points ago

kill yourself

:P

[–]mephaskapholies 28 points29 points ago

I was going to upvote you until I saw that face.

[–]Skwink 31 points32 points ago

I'm the kind of person who would feel bad if I just told someone to kill themselves.

[–]mephaskapholies 27 points28 points ago

Kill yourself

[–]Skwink 40 points41 points ago

kill yourself :D*

[–]mrmackdaddy 2 points3 points ago

The smiley face kinda makes it more sinister.

[–]Tarrinneal 9 points10 points ago

Pity upvote

[–]FoundPie 2 points3 points ago

You shouldn't have done that.

[–]DanielLiaw 6 points7 points ago

here's another..

[–]scartinator 2 points3 points ago

You're pretty :)

[–]Skylerguns 2 points3 points ago

Here's one for the road, included, a free upvote.

[–]calderon501 61 points62 points ago

heeeeerreee's the mail

it never fails

it makes me wanna wag my tail

when it comes i wanna waillllllll

kill yourself.

[–]GENOCIDEGeorge 110 points111 points ago

orangereds

People actually call them this?

[–]theonethatgotaway 99 points100 points ago

yes

[–]pjeff61 85 points86 points ago

I have been searching for you everywhere!

[–]theonethatgotaway 74 points75 points ago

[–]Chocolate_Sushi 14 points15 points ago

Damn...now I want to watch RHPS!

[–]majormanly 7 points8 points ago

The Curry is always relevant.

[–]asskickingjedi 5 points6 points ago

Yeah, but he will eventually get away.

[–]theonethatgotaway 6 points7 points ago

She! ;)

[–]ryumast3r 2 points3 points ago

greatwhitebuffalo

[–]pjeff61 2 points3 points ago

Thats good to know! Just don't take off like that agai...hey where are you going!?! wait!!!

[–]FCalleja 56 points57 points ago

Yeah, it's pretty common. The funny thing is the "reddit misconception" thread showed it's become so accepted that new people thought it was "oranger-ed" instead of orange+red.

For those who don't know: in the olden times, people heatedly debated on whether the "new message" envelope was orange or red. And I mean, this was like Civil War intense. People died. Well, accounts anyway. So now in remembrance of those lost in the great Reddit Color Wars, the notification is widely known as "an orangered".

[–]NJ_Lyons 17 points18 points ago

But it's so clearly orange, why would there be a debate?

[–]FCalleja 16 points17 points ago

NO! STOP THIS! DO YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED AS THE SPARK OF COLOR WAR 2!?

[–]BeenWildin 40 points41 points ago

I hate this place the more that i stay.

[–]whiterungaurd 6 points7 points ago

I've always called the "new message"

[–]narpas 7 points8 points ago

Absolutely. They used to be text characters - the ascii envelope symbol. In the css (which dictates how they're displayed), you could see the phrase "color: orangered", which is a valid color (see here). That's where our name for "reddit mail" comes from.

[–]TheInternetHivemind 7 points8 points ago

Holy shit... They're orangereds...orange-reds.

I thought they were orang-er-eds something that oranges in the past.

[–]PowerSeductionWar 8 points9 points ago

I love getting that little envelope. It shows my post wasn't ignored.

[–]stonebag 109 points110 points ago

fuck, reddit has gotten worse than xbox live

[–]sgtpppr 69 points70 points ago

And that is a serious fucking feat of strength.

[–]Kalashnikov74 52 points53 points ago

That's what your mom said last night when... Eh forget it...

[–]thelovepirate 13 points14 points ago

It was a valiant effort though, Kalashnikov.

[–]Kalashnikov74 23 points24 points ago

[–]BackScratcher 2 points3 points ago

So are there 73 other Kalashnikovs on reddit?

[–]DroppedOnHead 32 points33 points ago

Nothing is worse than Xbox Live... nothing

[–]wickedplayer494 49 points50 points ago

YouTube comments (99% of the time). Facebook.

[–]SpaceMonkeysInSpace 11 points12 points ago

But a shit load of the front page is now YouTube comments.

[–]CaptainSombrero 24 points25 points ago

the 1%

EDIT: I just realized how circlejerk-ish this screencap was. Sorry everyone. I'm downvoting myself now.

[–]manomow 8 points9 points ago

Foxnews.com

[–]BlackjackChess 7 points8 points ago

Comments in the local news section.

Not just worse than Xbox Live, but will actually make you want to commit suicide from how much faith in humanity you will lose.

[–]beebeedoom 2 points3 points ago

Yahoo News

[–]IHaveAScatFetishAMA 2 points3 points ago

Ever read the comments on any news site ever?

[–]stcompletelydiffrent 57 points58 points ago

As someone with a very new account, I still get waaaaaay too excited about orangereds. I crave them. They validate me.

[–]GarenBushTerrorist 61 points62 points ago

Kill yourself.

Also: You will never get tired of orangereds. ever.

[–]Vahnya 5 points6 points ago

This one's on the house.

Enjoy.

[–]Kastian 9 points10 points ago

As soon as this gets popular, prepare yourself for a deluge of "kill yourself" messages.

[–]RyukaChi 4 points5 points ago

Here you are, big boy ;)

[–]Dan_Dead_Or_Alive 13 points14 points ago

I love you.

[–]dominonation 6 points7 points ago

TIL the orange mail icon means I have mail...

[–]txjimbob 13 points14 points ago

So THAT'S what happened to Steve!

[–]asskickingjedi 15 points16 points ago

Here is a pretty good bit from Steve in 2010.

[–]MathewMurdock 10 points11 points ago

I never get messages like that. What the hell did you do?

[–]akingwithnocrown 12 points13 points ago

hi kill youself

[–]MathewMurdock 4 points5 points ago

Daaww thanks I feel so loved.

[–]akingwithnocrown 8 points9 points ago

:( I didn't even spell it right

[–]MathewMurdock 2 points3 points ago

Close enough.

[–]ExtraNoise 3 points4 points ago

Basically, if you ever put yourself on the line or express an opinion, be prepared for hate.

[–]Techno77 10 points11 points ago

While I understand this is supposed to be funny and I shouldn't be so butthurt but honestly, this shit is really horrible.

[–]keeleyaurora 3 points4 points ago

Whoever is writing those hatemails has no concept of suicide/mental illness and is probably joking/being a dick. But they have no idea what the person receiving it is going through, and they probably don't even think/care to think about that. So yeah.. you never know when that guy you tell to go fuck his mother actually just identified her in the morgue this morning.

[–]Techno77 2 points3 points ago

Agreed completely. However what continues to shock me about things like this is just the complete apathy in which it's regarded. It's one thing to insult someone, it's a another thing to wish death upon another person in my eyes. On top of that, everyone seems to see it and shrugs.

Before you say, "it's just the internet", take a look around and see how much you're seeing this in the "real world" now too. Text messages, emails, facebook messages, phone calls and directly to your face.

Like I said, it's horrible.

[–]Rubix89 2 points3 points ago

You'd think for how many anti-bullying things we upvote, we'd recognize the immense amount of bullying that goes on here.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]screamingatcupcakes 4 points5 points ago

Oh, deleted! How rude you are

[–]Tanory07 14 points15 points ago

I don't mind the insults, I more do I mind people going: Your opinion is stupid, you're wrong, I have 20 people agreeing with me, and your an idiot and a biggot. I really do need to stop voicing my opinion as a theist in r/atheism

[–]duhduhduhduhduh 11 points12 points ago

Masochist.

[–]exbtard 5 points6 points ago

If you're a religious person in r/atheism, you're gonna have bad time.

[–]FellerFeller 3 points4 points ago

How do you feel about being corrected for grammar/spelling?

your

biggot

[–]MyLoginName 7 points8 points ago

Try pointing out that Neil deGrasse Tyson thinks they're silly.

[–]cultured_banana_slug 2 points3 points ago

A theist going into r/atheism is like a steak-lover going into a vegan restaurant with I <3 Steak on his t-shirt.

[–]OckhamsTeapot 2 points3 points ago

Oh, man. Steven Burns is awesome. Because he was the only actor in the show surrounded by green screens, he related in an interview that acting in that show was equivalent to acting at the bottom of an empty pool. And as soon as the show ended he immediately shaved his head because he wasn't allowed to for over a decade. You have to hand it to him, he entertained a lot of young people.

[–]nukesinthesky 2 points3 points ago

dear diary today op was a faggot and i think he should kill him self. :D