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all 139 comments

[–]ImBatginge 87 points88 points ago

But if God appeared and it was televised, wouldn't that make everyone a believer?

[–]BlackbeltJones 120 points121 points ago

The Revelations will not be televised.

[–]dianthe 2 points3 points ago

Revelation, there is no s there :P

[–]mark_detroit 17 points18 points ago

Nice, a Gil Scott-Heron reference. Have an upvote.

[–]jacobtaylor1987 23 points24 points ago

Thanks for letting us know you got the reference. You are cool.

[–]someoldbullshit 14 points15 points ago

Nice sarcasm. You're even cooler.

[–]mendicant1116 7 points8 points ago

Can't we all just agree that we're ALL cool?

[–]frogandbanjo 10 points11 points ago

Yes, but only sarcastically.

[–]BHSPitMonkey 1 point2 points ago

I don't even know anymore.

[–]jacobtaylor1987 0 points1 point ago

I do what I can.

[–]LiteweightPhenomenal 5 points6 points ago

Quotes Gil Scott-Heron

On Television

[–]RobertoBolano 3 points4 points ago

There is some pseudo-hip Christian eschatological fiction writer who is going to try and sell their shitty Left Behind knockoff using that title.

[–]fasda 1 point2 points ago

Nope the Revelations was already televised.

[–]ashyjakk 16 points17 points ago

That is one thing I never understood. If jesus christ came back for everyone to see, I would literally have no choice but to believe because I mean... jesus christ, bro. Why would I be left behind? "You didn't believe early enough; its too late." Okayface.jpg

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

I had a few friends of mine state that we needed to find the Antichrist and kill him, and all I could think of is "why would you do that? If the Antichrist shows up, then your prophecies seem to be right and then the "final battle" starts. but if you kill the antichrist then technically that would stop the end of times from happening, but YOU want the end of times to happen."

;o

[–]electriophile 1 point2 points ago

A most relevant username.

[–]ImBatginge 4 points5 points ago

Yeah, but then wouldn't coming back also break the deal of saving us from our sins? Which he already did. I don't understand why God wouldn't just show himself to the planet. I mean, what better does he have to do? Making life on other planets? Making Star Wars a reality? wtf?

[–]eduardog3000 9 points10 points ago

That's it, he saw Star Wars and abandoned us to make it real.

[–]deathNinja5 3 points4 points ago

I'm a little fuzzy on this given the number of years that have gone by... and as I'm sure you're aware religious people tend to spout any number of crazy things and they all disagree with one another but...

A lot of christian's make the claim that when jesus returns... everyone will in fact believe. I think that's the whole point... 7 years of trial and tribulation for the non-believers and the ones that survive build the 1000 year kingdom of god on earth. I believe it's where the phrase "the meek shall inherit the earth [instead of heaven]" comes from.

It's always sounded like the third reich with jesus as the furher to me.

[–]Murrabbit 0 points1 point ago

Yeah you totally gotta get in before the lock-in date otherwise your sins are permanent again. Says so in the bible. . . like in the back somewhere, I think, maybe one of the appendices or the fine-print.

[–]K__a__M__I 0 points1 point ago

Why would you believe in something that is actually there? It's like "believing" in trees. They are out there, You can go touch, feel and smell them. They are real! No need to believe in a real thing.

[–]idma 7 points8 points ago

nobody watches tv anymore. So the second coming will get low ratings

[–]Distortiontm 9 points10 points ago

I'd torrent it for sure.

[–]Downstroyer 4 points5 points ago

Not me..... I'd be like "IT'S A SCAM!!!"

[–]dustinechos 1 point2 points ago

A friend of mine is convinced that "they" are currently building a satellite network that can project holograms down to earth. The goal is to have Jesus appear over the Vatican, Muhammad appear over Mecca, etc. and tell everyone to bow down to the 0.0001% who control everything (The queen, the pope, the colonel...). So there are people who are waiting for this sort of shit.

[–]TychoCelchu 3 points4 points ago

Yeah, the best way to project holograms is always from space. Good thing that there aren't huge white blobs in the sky that block light from time to time.

[–]dustinechos -1 points0 points ago

Don't forget that "they" have technology that we can only dream of from when the lizard men shot down Elvis' flying saucer over Roswell using the bullet that would eventually be used to kill JFK. WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!

[–]xmod2 2 points3 points ago

Probably not. Plenty of people have come saying they are God. I see it everyday on the subway.

Beyond that, miracle claims are common, and we don't pay any attention to them at all.

Most of them would suspect some sort of naturalistic explanation before believing it was a supernatural deity.

[–]nefariousness 1 point2 points ago

How dare they make fun of our religion.

[–]joshuarobison 0 points1 point ago

It wouldn't make everyone a believer according to Christ . He says that a believer is someone who "obeys the Father" james says the same thing , that true faith is shown in action. If you truly believe there is a lion in the room you will act accordingly and try to escape. It follows that if you truly believe the Christian God is all wise and perfect, you will enjoy doing everything He says.

[–]FingerInJezusAsshole 0 points1 point ago

I'd believe that be a direct threat to my lifestyle. But I do like his son tho

[–]Distortiontm -3 points-2 points ago

Oh /r/atheism! You so funny!

[–]CakeSmasher 28 points29 points ago

Meh, it seems to me to be a light-hearted sense of humor, rather than an insulting type.

[–]stinkyp00t 13 points14 points ago

Agreed. But to be fair, OP did say he laughed, not that he was offended. I got a chuckle.

[–]KermitJagger[S] 3 points4 points ago

I was not offended at all. I thought most people here might find it humorous as well.

[–]grateful_fred 12 points13 points ago

Absolutely agree. It wasn't meant to be a stab at atheists. It's just a funny, ironic use of the meme.

[–]A_DERPING_ULTRALISK 4 points5 points ago

In what sense is it ironic?

[–]twentyafterfour 0 points1 point ago

This usage isn't ironic because it actually follows the meme, which is supposed to be ironic. He probably just misspoke.

[–]grateful_fred 0 points1 point ago

I think it's ironic that a Christian has used a meme created by reddit, which is comprised mostly of atheists, to make a joke about atheists. It's like a white guy rapping about how stupid rap is.

[–]A_DERPING_ULTRALISK 1 point2 points ago

I think a closer approximation would be a member of the KKK rapping about how stupid black people are.

[–]OrangutanNipples 31 points32 points ago

It's funny because this is the reason why half of Christians are christian.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]thepopdog 1 point2 points ago

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the impression that loyalty was the most valued trait of Christianity. Whether or not you go to hell doesn't depend on how moral you acted in life, but is determined by accepting Christ and renouncing all other gods (hence the loyalty).

This is what first turned me off to christianity, the idea that no matter how bad you acted, it was never too late to join the winning team and save yourself from hell.

[–]TychoCelchu 0 points1 point ago

Well, hell is a good scare tactic since it works so well. And the more people you can recruit with it the better no matter what. Plus it looks good because they can be 'accepting' and 'forgiving'. It actually is in its own way a great tactic.

[–]adokimus 0 points1 point ago

I don't think that's it. I think it's more that atheists have science, facts, logic and reason to support their beliefs. Religious persons have faith. Faith is not very vindicating for ending a debate. They don't have the satisfaction of proof. Faith isn't material. You can't slam faith down on the table and say, "look at this." The type of sentiment expressed in the OP's picture is basically saying that they will get the last laugh. It's a way of saying, "look, I was right and you were wrong" without having to prove it right now. It's a way to be satisfied with themselves. There's also the strange satisfaction of knowing the naysayers will burn in hell for eternity for being wrong and not rewarded as they are. I say "strange" because most modern-day christians preach about love and forgiveness but don't seem to practice it as much.

[–]stagfury 0 points1 point ago

For me, it's kinda like "oh well, fine, I took a gamble and lost, at least I get to hang out with strippers,heavy metal bands,homosexual nice people, free thinkers and such, maybe the fire and brimstone thing will suck, but that will still be better than hanging out with fundies who are actually right"

[–]gamerman191 1 point2 points ago

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. The sinners are much more fun.

[–]OrangutanNipples 0 points1 point ago

Upvote for some classic BJ.

[–]warpfield 4 points5 points ago

I pray to God every day that I don't become religious. :)

[–]JaronK 17 points18 points ago

Make a response one. "Takes Pascal's Wager and believes in the Catholic God just in case... Kali gets pissed and kills him."

[–]methoxeta 4 points5 points ago

Just so you know, this was on reddit, then posted to facebook, and you completed the circle, by (don't worry I'm not mad, just saying) re-posting it.

[–]miscellaneousnope 10 points11 points ago

Well, at least he got the meme concept right...

EDIT (non sequitur) My treacherous mind is now doing a mash-up of "Rainbow Connection" and "Jumping Jack Flash". I WILL HAUNT YOU IN YOUR SLEEP FOR THAT.

[–]bouchard 1 point2 points ago

My brain is now attempting to replicate that mash-up.

[–]FreeThinkerLee 2 points3 points ago

Brian finally has some good luck, its about time.

[–]k2t-17 2 points3 points ago

A bad luck Brian I didn't hate. This is a win.

[–]warcrafter 19 points20 points ago

god takes all the believers away, the world will become a better place

[–]Cat_H3rder 13 points14 points ago

Things will probably go crazy for awhile since a big part of the work force will disappear but after we could make some serious social progress.

[–]evil_wizard 14 points15 points ago

I won't be complaining about the massive amount of job openings.

[–]cykloid 14 points15 points ago

You will be complaining about the massive lack of food and social infrastructure though.

[–]marr 2 points3 points ago

This all assumes that true believers are a significant majority. We might be surprised to find how many folks were agnostic, and just agreeing for the sake of a quiet life.

[–]Zementid 0 points1 point ago

I think it wouldn't be that bad. There will be a lot of Farmers left. And there are less people after all. Divide all humanity by 2, and the world would stand still for a year or maybe 2. But after all, it will get better!

[–]dianthe 3 points4 points ago

According to the book of Revelation it seemingly will for about 3 and a half years, then all hell breaks loose.

[–]MeteorPhoenix 11 points12 points ago

Our course is clear. We have 3 years worth of preparations. Capture a soul, study its properties, develop weapons that can harm spiritual entities and declare war.

WE WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT.

[–]NiteShadeX2 1 point2 points ago

Does that mean we get an army of demons as our only allies?

[–]MeteorPhoenix 0 points1 point ago

If they'll work with us, yeah. Honestly, I think we're going to have to take out any angels and demons we see, though.

[–]The_Morbid_Toaster 0 points1 point ago

And this whole thread is so much more believible that the bIBLE.

[–]johntheChristian 0 points1 point ago

According to a really screwed up, extremely modern and theologically hilarious misinterpretation of the Book of Revelation.

[–]dianthe 0 points1 point ago

It's not as modern as you might think, just for a long time the Catholic church dominated all kinds of Christian doctrine and executed anyone who questioned it as heretics. Even early Protestantism was still very much Catholic in their doctrine. But there were always people who dedicated their lives to studying the Bible as independent scholars.

Besides you can find examples in other parts of the Bible of believers going to be with God in their physical bodies:

  • Genesis 5:21 When Enoch had lived 65 years, he became the father of Methuselah. 22 After he became the father of Methuselah, Enoch walked faithfully with God 300 years and had other sons and daughters. 23 Altogether, Enoch lived a total of 365 years. 24 Enoch walked faithfully with God; then he was no more, because God took him away. - for everyone else in that genealogy it says they died, Enoch was the only one who was "no more" because "God took him away".

Elijah was another man who did not die but was taken by God in his physical body:

  • 2 Kings 2:11 As they were walking along and talking together, suddenly a chariot of fire and horses of fire appeared and separated the two of them, and Elijah went up to heaven in a whirlwind.

Moreover, Elijah's return is prophesied "before the coming of the great and terrible day of the Lord,". (Malachi 4:5)

You honestly have to allegorize massive parts of the Bible to think that it doesn't talk about physical Second Coming of Christ or the possibility of believers being taken up to be with God in their physical bodies.

[–]Arconaan 0 points1 point ago

you mean like, in the rapture?

[–]Jesus_the_Nazarene 1 point2 points ago

HAHA. I LOL'd.

[–]OldJeb 1 point2 points ago

Excellent use of the meme, gotta admit. I lold.

[–]bongsmoker666 4 points5 points ago

Lol. Some real funny shit.

[–]godsfordummies 3 points4 points ago

2000 years, any day now.

[–]Namenobodytakes -2 points-1 points ago

have an upvote for your username sir

[–]izlude7027 2 points3 points ago

... it's not "Impossible Luck Bryan."

[–]ramsrgood 3 points4 points ago

have you read other bad luck brians? most of them are impossible.

[–]izlude7027 0 points1 point ago

Most of the others I've seen were plausible, if unlikely.

[–]ramsrgood 2 points3 points ago

here here here. obviously, this doesn't prove my point, but just a couple examples.

[–]izlude7027 1 point2 points ago

The first two are just tragically ironic. That last one isn't funny and whoever made it should feel bad.

[–]ramsrgood 0 points1 point ago

ya that last one was stupid, but unfortunately, it had over 1000 upvotes, and i didn't feel good only posting 2 links :)

[–]cpumatt 1 point2 points ago

I wouldn't want to be saved. I would want to witness the catastrophically awesome thing that will happen to the earth.

[–]thethreadkiller 1 point2 points ago

BECOMES ATHEIST

BAD LUCK HIS FAULT THE WHOLE TIME.

[–]HorriblePerson911 1 point2 points ago

Reminder to self, if bad luck brian ever does anything you do, do the opposite immediately.

[–]wahwahwildcat 0 points1 point ago

Good thing that's never going to happen.

[–]MidwestPow 0 points1 point ago

Save the believers from what? I love my life.

[–]mrwiseman 0 points1 point ago

There was a different version with the same idea posted last week which I like better: BECOMES ATHEIST ...... RAPTURE!

[–]djfl 0 points1 point ago

And indeed they will be laughing if this happens. That's why they're immoral.

[–]TheMagicStik 0 points1 point ago

Hmmm, might as well say I'm christian just in case. I know thats how alot of people feel but wouldn't god be able to tell what they really think? If we took away the "christian just because it benefits me to be one" christians from the group we would have alooooooooooooot fewer christians.

[–]Die-Nacht 0 points1 point ago

He/she used it correctly, so kudos. Usually they fail at them (like the success kid one. That was plain stupid).

[–]bashobt 0 points1 point ago

Two thousand years of: "ANY DAY NOW!!!"

[–]emmveepee 0 points1 point ago

This is a 9gag version of a reddit meme, and is very dumbed down.

It was something like "Turns atheist. Rapture"

[–]Philip_of_mastadon 0 points1 point ago

Becomes Christian... Xenu appears and saves all the believers. Sometimes you just can't win.

[–]FunsizedJenny 0 points1 point ago

Thats fuckn dumb. Our Solar system is a pleasure receptor in God's Neural Network. The day the world ends is the day infinite Jesus Christ Almighty ceases to exist.

[–]cmonty1028 0 points1 point ago

I'm not religious but can we all just take a moment to realize how fucking awesome it would be if heaven existed.

[–]DiscordianStooge 0 points1 point ago

"I'm not religious but can we all just take a moment to realize how fucking awesome it would be if heaven Valhalla existed."

FTFY

[–]cmonty1028 0 points1 point ago

much obliged...

[–]Exit75 0 points1 point ago

No, it would not. I'm not in the mood to type out all the philosophy to explain just why an eternal perfect 'heaven' would be fucking awful.

[–]cmonty1028 0 points1 point ago

I see heaven (I don't believe in heaven) as a place or perhaps state of mind which is whatever you want it to be. Perhaps it would be the world as it is but with 90% less generally shitty stuff happening. Who knows it was a somewhat mindless thought on my part. I also would dread living forever in a perfectly white glowing city in the clouds. However, drinking with Thor in the halls of Valhalla does sounds most excellent.

[–]Noodle0913 0 points1 point ago

Everything bad happens to this guy

[–]dj_polymath 0 points1 point ago

His name is Pascal, I'd wager.

[–]aDildoAteMyBaby 0 points1 point ago

Well, he got the meme right.

Even if he believes in an invisible sky daddy.

[–]Kotton 0 points1 point ago

I think the bottom caption would be made simplier if it just said "RAPTURE." But good either way bravo 7/10.

[–]knighmare 0 points1 point ago

Well the FSM is incredibly forgiving, so long as they were polite about it im sure he would be cool in saving them, i mean its not like he talks to me, its one of his rules, but he seems like a cool spaghetti monster so long as you arent a dick

[–]Rephaite 0 points1 point ago

I love this. According to literal interpretation of the Bible, God saves 144,000.

I am certain that there are far more than 144,000 Evangelical Christians who interpret literally.

[–]DecoyNumberOne 0 points1 point ago

YES! I'm not Bad Luck Brian!

[–]frogandbanjo 0 points1 point ago

Funny, when I think of religion, this isn't the Bad Luck Brian I think of...

[–]Tachyx 0 points1 point ago

If God Raptures all the Christians, maybe the Jews and Muslims can finally live in peace.

[–]Mbeefy 0 points1 point ago

...saves them from what?

[–]english_breakfast 0 points1 point ago

saves them from what?

[–]S_Dub7 0 points1 point ago

Wouldn't bad luck Brian already be a Christian? I would consider it bad luck if you were brainwashed.

[–]Joheem 0 points1 point ago

Hmm... God saves the believers... Kinda like saying Hitler saved the non-Jews.

[–]Zementid 0 points1 point ago

Yes please "Save" them all... from what I ask?

As long as they are all gone,... save them today! Right away! NOW! I demand the rapture to commence at once!

Please god,.. take them.. err save them.. make them go away, so reason can reign!

[–]torhh 0 points1 point ago

He spelled "belieber" wrong.

[–]EvilBosom 0 points1 point ago

You actually go back into being atheist, we're all born nonbelievers

[–]master_heklep 0 points1 point ago

I didn't.

[–]elwoodguer 0 points1 point ago

And if God showed up, which of course is a form of evidence, I would cease to be an atheist, as I base my beliefs and decisions on reason, evidence, and the observable world. IF God became observable we'd all have to change our tune a bit.

Of course that's a HUGE if.

[–]MrAkademik 0 points1 point ago

Poor Luck Pascal.

[–]LaheyShitStorm 0 points1 point ago

Saves all the believers...from each other?

[–]mark_detroit 3 points4 points ago

From the shit hawks, Bubbles.

[–]steel_shot 0 points1 point ago

Leave it to r/atheism to take this as an attack. This was posted as a lighthearted joke!

[–]mrsammercer -1 points0 points ago

No, he didn't.

[–]awe300 -1 points0 points ago

It's funny, but in a different way. Christianity was founded as a doomsday cult. They practically awaited the end of the world as we knew it next sunday.

Still hasn't happened a few thousand years later. Still won't happen, ever

[–]LyricBomber -1 points0 points ago

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go

So make the best of this test, and don't ask why

It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

[–]boggart777 -2 points-1 points ago

reads "i seriously expect a religious apocalypse" WTF.

[–]mathgod 4 points5 points ago

It's a joke. Religious people can have a sense of humor too.

[–]gender_bot -3 points-2 points ago

I identified one face in this photo

Face 1:
* 90% confidence that this is a correctly identified face
* Gender is male with 71% confidence
* Approximate Age is 40 with 95% confidence
* Persons mood is happy with 61% confidence
* Persons lips are parted with 98% confidence

Would you like to know more about me? /r/gender_bot

[–]TheHatman9 0 points1 point ago

no one likes you gender_bot, go away!

[–]DJWalnut 0 points1 point ago

Bad luck brian: face is male; 71% confadence

[–]Bonzalez 0 points1 point ago

Funny that brian got mistaken for being 40.