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all 149 comments

[–]DoUWantFreeShit 192 points193 points ago

Well... If finding nemo was written with human characters instead of fish, it would be equally horrifying... Family is murdered leaving a father and one child (that has limited use of one arm due to wounds sustained the night his family was killed) Thinking the worst is behind them, child starts school only to get kidnapped from the playground on his first day of school. The only witness was a schizophrenic homeless woman... Father decides that police aren't doing enough so he seeks out homeless woman to give him as much info as possible. Turns out, while they were scoping out kids, one of the perps dropped a piece of paper into her cup along with some change. The paper has an address on it. Father and schizo embark on a journey to save his son and have run ins with the mob (sharks) and hippies (turtles). They end up in the middle of a gang shootout in which schizo gets injured (jellyfish field). Meanwhile child learns that he has been kidnapped to be sold into slavery. His fellow victims hatch an escape plan with some help from an outside man. They're caught during first escape plan but outside man hears that a man and a schizo woman have been asking about child. Leader of kidnappers wants to give child to his daughter/niece because her slaves are constantly dying because she is very violent when they don't do something correctly. Father and schizo fight, schizo leaves. Father is scoping out the location where his son is being held. Child gets taken by daughter/niece and beaten. Child pretends to die so she ditches the body. Father sees this and presumes child dead. Child is dumped in a dumpster that schizo happens upon... The rest is obvious.

[–]LupusOk 78 points79 points ago

That actually sounds like it could be a badass movie.

[–]missfrenchpress 6 points7 points ago

Not for children, though.

[–]TheShuckler 4 points5 points ago

Well, I did love it when I saw it. Pixar is boss.

[–]Secret_agent_orange 19 points20 points ago

Whoah.

That is all

[–]hydrogenous 4 points5 points ago

Keeanu???

[–]Secret_agent_orange 0 points1 point ago

Nope just another mindfucked stoner

[–]Ray57 22 points23 points ago

Or written as real fish.

Marvin would have turned into a female after Coral died

... and they couldn't talk.

[–]DoUWantFreeShit 10 points11 points ago

Even better! The father is now gender confused! Someone write this screenplay... This needs to happen. The WORLD needs to know!

[–]LORDJEW_VAN_CUNTFUCK 9 points10 points ago

That's pretty cool and everything but considering it's humans that kidnapped a fish, if we were to convert all the animals in the movie to humans we'd have to turn the actual humans in to aliens, for accuracy. And once you do that the story is a lot less dark (but still pretty dark)

[–]SirFappleton -2 points-1 points ago

THIS

[–]JamoJustReddit 1 point2 points ago

Brbthis.

[–]JuniperJupiter 1 point2 points ago

Fucking brilliant!

Now do...Cars.

:D

[–]manchesterunited13 1 point2 points ago

How is Dory like a schizophrenic? Also pretty sure the lucky fin was congenital.

[–]ave0000 8 points9 points ago

The implication was that the fin was due to damage caused during the disruption in incubation. (Eg: the upset eggs. See also the implication in Happy Feet)

[–]doctornut 7 points8 points ago

When marlin finds the last remaining egg it is scratched right across where the fin is through the opaqueness of the egg.

[–]manchesterunited13 1 point2 points ago

Ah my bad, guess I missed that.

[–]doctornut 3 points4 points ago

Took me three or four times to catch it (my daughters love rhe movie so we've seen it alot.)

[–]genzahg 2 points3 points ago

People use schizophrenia as a stand-in for most metal or personality disorders, because society sucks.

[–]DoUWantFreeShit 0 points1 point ago

My initial though was "She thinks she speaks whale" but then she actually does... But I'm pretty sure that's just by chance... And she swims around saying random crap and singing to herself. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/schizophrenia/ds00196/dsection=symptoms Especially the cognitive symptoms, but I believe she is also delusional and at one point believes that Marlin's voice is her conscience.

[–]ladiesman12732 -2 points-1 points ago

She's just crazy... in a good way and the lucky fin was obviously not a genital ;D

[–]buzzkill_aldrin 5 points6 points ago

That's not what "congenital" means.

[–]manchesterunited13 0 points1 point ago

Haha well I would have gone for suffering from anterograde amnesia but yeah.

[–]herpderpdoo 0 points1 point ago

Also, every robot anything ever

[–]Dustonthepaladin 0 points1 point ago

I'd watch the shit out of that!

[–]cinemadness -4 points-3 points ago

Can we get Nicholas Cage to play Marlin?

[–]so_many_squids 26 points27 points ago

Sorry, but it looks like you misspelled Liam Neeson.

[–]AKShockwave 9 points10 points ago

So,

Can we get Nicholas Cage to play Liam Neeson?

That seems kind of silly, but whatever works for you.

[–]ladiesman12732 3 points4 points ago

You're a sweet kid Leslie Nielsen.

[–]Aspel 0 points1 point ago

COME ON!

[–]zoltar_says 148 points149 points ago

The amount of times an all black female cat would walk under a paint brush with white paint was unreasonable.

[–]frankhorriganlovesto 90 points91 points ago

She dresses like she wants it!

[–]f1nnbar 204 points205 points ago

Do you know how long it took me (okay, 30 years) to get the joke? He spends his life chasing pussy.

[–]annoyinglyclever 99 points100 points ago

Just now. I get it. Mind slightly blown.

[–]ManiacDan 19 points20 points ago

Make a Sudden Clarity Clarence! Strike while the Karma is hot!

[–]annoyinglyclever 4 points5 points ago

I'm on it!

[–]Some_Africans 10 points11 points ago

[–]nameless88 14 points15 points ago

slow clap

Fuck me, how did I never connect the dots on that one before?

[–]LORDJEW_VAN_CUNTFUCK 10 points11 points ago

Everyone seems mindblown but I don't think that joke is intentional.

[–]Acid_Override 5 points6 points ago

Dude, the older generation had way more and very subtle sex jokes than you realize.

[–]LORDJEW_VAN_CUNTFUCK 2 points3 points ago

I do know that. Current generation has them too. That doesn't mean everything you can skewer in to a sexual joke was intentional.

[–]xarlev 4 points5 points ago

Holy shit. I just now got it.

[–]frankie111290 58 points59 points ago

Waiting for I_RAPE_CATS's input on this...

[–]CTRL_ALT_RAPE 36 points37 points ago

Looks like you'll have to settle for me.

[–]TaintedSquirrel 2 points3 points ago

You're going to be waiting a while. Alternatively, his other username is "Unwashed_Vagina".

[–]ThatAssholeSkunk 7 points8 points ago

I'm his new alt.

[–]badwolf422 1 point2 points ago

Redditor for 7 months. Good show.

[–]stewiecubed 2 points3 points ago

I haven't seen him around in a while. I wonder where he's gone off to. Prison most likely.

[–]dzubz 20 points21 points ago

[–]tonythetiger1 7 points8 points ago

Not just relevant...it's pretty much OP's source.

I enjoy later in the bit when he goes on about Oscar the Grouch. "Bitch, I live in a fucking trash can!"

[–]I_live_in_a_trashcan 6 points7 points ago

Yeah I love that bit. Dave Chappelle is one of my favorite comedians.

[–]tonythetiger1 1 point2 points ago

Upvotes for having a user name relevant to the joke I mentioned. :D

[–]BZLuck 25 points26 points ago

If you can wear her down enough to consent, it's seduction not rape.

[–]littleelf 12 points13 points ago

Brace yourselves. SRS is coming.

[–]injuredeye 7 points8 points ago

SRS BUSINESS!

[–]ultranewt 7 points8 points ago

i think there is actually a game about that.

[–]JaronK 5 points6 points ago

The worst part is that I know you're correct.

[–]allAlallthetime 8 points9 points ago

No, the worst part is that it's actually not half bad.

[–]hungoverlord 0 points1 point ago

i think that might actually be the best part...

[–]ImurderREALITY 5 points6 points ago

You can't rape a cat! Their claws are too sharp.

[–]CTRL_ALT_RAPE 24 points25 points ago

Not with that attitude.

[–]eliteVAGbandit 21 points22 points ago

Maybe you can't

[–]THEAdrian 24 points25 points ago

if it makes you feel better, in the Sword and the Stone, when Arthur was turned into a squirrel, a lady squirrel tried to rape him, and then an older lady squirrel also tried to rape him

so here we have attempted rape, and pedophilia

all for the entertainment of children

[–]Think_please 9 points10 points ago

Upvote for the memory, but in the film the girl squirrel only tried to snuggle with Arthur, then saved his life and was utterly heartbroken when she eventually saw that he was a boy. Also, I believe the older, chubby, lady squirrel was only interested in Merlin, though her vibe did seem slightly more rapey (although maybe that's because I didn't find her nearly as attractive...I know).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOig0_3b144

It's terrifying how much influence these movies seem to have had on me, but I'm glad that this was still enjoyable, touching, and even relevant (?!), many years later. Great movie.

[–]discosmurf 6 points7 points ago

Hearing the girl squirrel sob at the end, broke my heart.

[–]genzahg 3 points4 points ago

I always thought that chick squirrel was super hot. It was a little bit awkward to watch that part of the movie with my family.

[–]Think_please 3 points4 points ago

...and a redhead, at that! wink ...thanks, Disney

[–]Capappy 16 points17 points ago

and he never actually rapes anything, it is attempted rape. and sometimes that chick is all, i love you, till she notices it is him.

[–]wcstcomic 3 points4 points ago

Still sexual assault.

[–]future_damage 18 points19 points ago

And you don't see what happens off camera. His E! True Hollywood Story was disturbing. The sex, the lies, the custody battles, the cocaine, the prostitutes. Sad, really.

[–]Gramertrol 9 points10 points ago

Pepé Le Pew was an all American hero. In the face of adversity, he never backed down. Challenges? He rose to meet them. Endlessly conquering, endlessly engaged in the hunt for victory. All for a nice piece of ass.

[–]zoltar_says 30 points31 points ago

Wasn't he French...?

[–]Blamemeta 6 points7 points ago

You got me there.

[–]probablysarcastic 2 points3 points ago

Everything I know about France I learned from him.

[–]powernut 2 points3 points ago

The French stink and like to chase pussy...hmm.

[–]chicagogam 2 points3 points ago

oh my gosh i now see the whole strauss-kahn thing in a new/old light..

[–]thetallestnebraskan 2 points3 points ago

Looks like somebody watched the dave chapelle video on here yesterday.

[–]andybent25 2 points3 points ago

Actually, I think it's just a severe case of sexual harassment.

[–]LeMadnessofKingHippo 3 points4 points ago

That's only what they showed on tv.

[–]nuxetcrux 1 point2 points ago

TIL in France Pepe LePeu is called "rape skunk"

[–]hailtheflyingpasta 1 point2 points ago

99 no's and 1 yes = yes

[–]ILL_Show_Myself_Out -1 points0 points ago

1 no and 10 shots can also mean yes.

[–]Jeffhole 1 point2 points ago

He's worse than Rapier Ape.

[–]saveferris89 1 point2 points ago

Came here in hopes of finding this. Thank you sir.

[–]MusicMagi 1 point2 points ago

A concept made popular by Dave Chappelle

[–]KSIAnvilPants 1 point2 points ago

I think that a "le" or two should have been added in there. Mainly because it's him, and also because it's Reddit.

[–]Yours-Truly 1 point2 points ago

I upvoted this just for the deft use of the word 'rapiest'.

[–]tunapepper 1 point2 points ago

This submission is a direct result of yesterday's submission of a Dave Chappelle bit.

[–]brochill27 1 point2 points ago

For some reason I read this in the accent of Ezio...

[–]GuitarGuru253 1 point2 points ago

Ouch, right in the childhood

[–]scsk8r831 1 point2 points ago

I don't know but I think that cat is giving me a real rapie vibe right now.

[–]DrCockanballs 0 points1 point ago

You all read that in his voice, didn't you?

[–]Careblair3 0 points1 point ago

I'm printing this out and mAking a poster for my house

[–]nanermaner 0 points1 point ago

same.

[–]Mozen 0 points1 point ago

Exactly.

[–]knowses 0 points1 point ago

He has a rapist wit.

[–]whit_wolf1 0 points1 point ago

Watching the new pawn stars with the silver bars, and browsing reddit to look up and see this picture on pawn stars at the same time.... nearly went cross eyed.

[–]one_of_reddit 0 points1 point ago

"You are the syrup to my pancake!"

[–]the_pissed_off_goose 0 points1 point ago

as a kid this cartoon always bothered me a lot, but i didn't understand why. later i understood why. what in the fuck was this doing near children? lol

[–]LeMadnessofKingHippo 0 points1 point ago

Absolutely true.

[–]Doesn't choose same advice animal as everyone else.The_Resisty 0 points1 point ago

Sheesh, that was weird. I saw that episode just today.

[–]genzahg 0 points1 point ago

If forcing someone to kiss me is wrong, then lock me up and throw away the key!

[–]Tru_Intentionz 0 points1 point ago

TIL I_RAPE_CATS is Pepe Le Pew

[–]Calebcummings 0 points1 point ago

He never gets her. What are u talking about

[–]LanikM 0 points1 point ago

This must be Dave chappelle posting some of his old material

[–]bagzilla 0 points1 point ago

He's even rapier than Rapier Ape

[–]DaSkunk 0 points1 point ago

I'm tempted to get this remade/reworded into a bumper sticker for my lil goofy Pepe car

[–]MadKat88 0 points1 point ago

Even as a little kid, I was sickened by this character and his actions. I wont even name the bastard. I would turn the channel as soon as his bullshit came on. It made my skin crawl.. the females were so obviously uncomfortable, its like snuff shit for children. I cant understand why this shit is okay, or even worse, why so many girls claim hes their favorite?!

[–]glamorousglue 0 points1 point ago

I had a stalker in college, and my friends used to call him Pepe Le Peu. Sort of distrubing that we took it so lightly, but he wasn't too crazy, just always following me around, calling, leaving notes, showing up at my dorm room, etc etc. Creeper.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

I thought they were both skunks?

[–]Immynimmy 0 points1 point ago

Sometimes you gotta take the pussy like Pepe!

[–]harmonicoasis 0 points1 point ago

WHERE'S I_RAPE_CATS?!? Oh... spacedicks...

[–]ArchangelleTabris 0 points1 point ago

In b4 SRS

[–]CommonlyBefuddled -1 points0 points ago

He used his stinky French wiener to defile her.

[–]DSDresser -1 points0 points ago

"sometimes you gotta take the pussy, like Pepé"

[–]YoureNotGayYourMomIs -1 points0 points ago

PLEASE PUT THIS ON /r/trees

[–]cybertrench -4 points-3 points ago

[–]Doesn't choose same advice animal as everyone else.The_Resisty -1 points0 points ago

NSFW

[–]pussypooppotatoes 1 point2 points ago

NSFW doesn't really do justice to the picture.