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So my family has a pet goat and, well, she isn't fond of others... (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by SRFG1595

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[–]Meatbeef 1017 points1018 points ago

Speaking as someone who used to raise goats, what you're seeing here is not the goat being mean, but rather an attempt to assert its dominance. Goats have very specific rankings in groups. They are constantly battling for position by doing what you see here- butting their head against the other. If you back away, you're telling her that she's your leader. Never do that! Grab her by her collar sternly and open-palm slap her on the side of her neck. You can't hurt her this way, I promise. It sounds inhumane, but it's what has to be done if you don't want a goat constantly ramming her head into everyone she sees. On the other hand, if you guys continue to just see it as being cute and harmless, then please disregard this. Either way, good luck raising her!

EDIT: Redundancy

[–]Richie311 860 points861 points ago

We had a female and male goat that we inherited when my great grandfather died. And by inherited, I mean we were the last to say "not it" when it was brought who would take care of them. They werent but a year or so old and ended up having a little baby goat so it wasn't all too bad. Plus we have thousands of acres so they're pretty easy to take care of.

Anyway, at least once a week, the billy goat(The male) would try and assert his dominance on me by challenging me to a battle royal every time I came home. He would kinda nay a bit then do a little dance and act like he's going to head but me.

Me knowing what he's doing as I'm a male myself, I would proceed to kick his fucking ass like a collegiate national wrestler takes on a middle schooler. And then for a week he would be nice and gentle to my parents/siblings as he knows who's the fucking man of that property. And then he would get a bit rowdy after a week or so and I'd visit and then he'd challenge me again and again.

This continued untill we finally gave them away to a family friend who had a heard of them he used to keep his properties clean of brush/grass and such.

[–]alphashadow 509 points510 points ago

That's right, show that goat who's boss.

[–]TonightsSpecialGuest 240 points241 points ago

I have had to beat up every single fucking billy goat I've ever met. As soon as the cocksuckers look my way, it's always on.

[–]bonochromatic 96 points97 points ago

Tagged as "fights goats"

[–]Zenith251 30 points31 points ago

"Tonight's Special Guest fights goats!"

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      [–]redditsusernamelimit 56 points57 points ago

      /r/nocontext awaits you.

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        [–]oh_bruddah 152 points153 points ago

        I used to live next door to people who raised goats. It was not uncommon to come out of my house and find a goat on top of my car. They were really cute, especially the babies, but damn weird.

        [–]goodizzle 73 points74 points ago

        My mom had a goat who would stand on top of her horse. It was like they had an agreement or something.

        [–]bikemaul 45 points46 points ago

        I just wanted to see what that would look liked...

        [–]goodizzle 29 points30 points ago

        Goats are so weird.

        [–]Khalexus 2 points3 points ago

        Is... is this a thing? That goats do? That is so strange.

        [–]drewmeister 2 points3 points ago

        You ain't fooling me; one of them mofos was a donkey!

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            [–]Time_and_a_half 59 points60 points ago

            I will never ever be able to love a goat as long as it looks at me with this. -John Brody

            [–]ilikesoup 136 points137 points ago

            All glory to the hypnogoat.

            [–]dasberd 56 points57 points ago

            Come on, that was a forced joke and I'm getting ti....ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOGOAT

            [–]listen_hooker 7 points8 points ago

            Relax man, it's just a goats eyALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOGOAT.

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                [–]BDaught 25 points26 points ago

                I just wanted to see what that would look liked...

                [–]lolwut19 24 points25 points ago

                Honestly, I don't know why I was surprised. It's exactly what it sounds like

                [–]pingwing 12 points13 points ago

                Goats climb, they like to be up high.

                One day I was in my house and I heard this tapping noise on my roof. I go outside and look up on the roof of my one story house, to see one of my goats staring at me. There used to be one section of the roof that was only a few feet from an embankment, and she hopped right up there, just walking around. They are curious creatures.

                [–]Punkgoblin 16 points17 points ago

                One of my dad's friends did too, only he had a new corvette. He told the guy if it happens again he'll own a dead goat. Typical neighborhood fences don't mean shit to goat.

                [–]mortarnpistol 9 points10 points ago

                I read that as "typical neighborhood feces" and was confused as to what type of neighborhood you lived in.

                [–]johnmedgla 10 points11 points ago

                A shitty one, obviously.

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                  [–]oh_bruddah 1 point2 points ago

                  My car was nothing special - I really didn't mind. I liked my neighbors. I had several acres and husband would just ride over and mow it after he did his own.

                  [–]8Cowboy 7 points8 points ago

                  No doubt about it. They'll walk around the little ledge at the bottom of your windows too. Crazy things are extra agile.

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                    [–]tipicaldik 55 points56 points ago

                    I've got an asshole of a rooster I have to deal with like that quite often. I never turn my back on that son-of-a-bitch. We've gone to the ground on many occasions. I have to grab him and pin him to the ground for a minute or two, make him eat dust. He'll be cool for a week or two and then he gets all big and bad again...

                    [–]Richie311 106 points107 points ago

                    Nothing more manly than a man fighting with his own cock to assert his dominance.

                    [–]tipicaldik 55 points56 points ago

                    What kind of man would I be if I couldn't handle my own cock?

                    [–]CertifiablyScrewy 4 points5 points ago

                    And just as Richie311 is now "Goat Master", so too will tipicaldik be "Cock Master". Congratulations.

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                        [–]iGotChubs4You 38 points39 points ago

                        This makes me want to get a goat when I'm older. I'd personally have a blast having to fight for dominance over a goat within my own home every week.

                        [–]CassandraVindicated 2 points3 points ago

                        'Til the fucker blindsides you right in the hip and there you sit without your clapper.

                        [–]SonnetYoShit 422 points423 points ago

                        Upon my father's father's father's death,

His two young goats were granted to my care;

For I, among the recently bereft,

Was last to raise objection to the pair.

The doeling was as gentle as a lamb

And frolicked with a steady, mirthful gait;

The kid possessed the temper of a ram

And felt the beastly urge to dominate.

When I traversed that portion of my lands

To which the kid had falsely laid a claim,

He bleated his bravado, made his stand,

Prepared to strip my acreage of my name.

   I must confess (but do not wish to gloat)

   I slobberknock'd that motherfucking goat.

                        [–]jmblock2 13 points14 points ago

                        TIL slobberknocking

                        [–]CertifiablyScrewy 11 points12 points ago

                        To get the full awesome of this, one must read it out loud to oneself. Did it, and upon the word slobberknock'd, I couldn't help but laugh. Made my day.

                        [–]Lippteo 32 points33 points ago

                        Slow clap

                        [–]dirtythrowaway47 17 points18 points ago

                        You're my new favorite.

                        [–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

                        Nice format! I've always preferred English sonnets over the Petrarchan ones. I award thee an insubstantial internet point.

                        [–]seonwoong 5 points6 points ago

                        I hope to see you around a lot. You easily just made my day.

                        [–]skeeto111 2 points3 points ago

                        Damn, thats good

                        [–]sheepcounter 2 points3 points ago

                        True wit's a comment as a sonnet dressed,

                        What oft was thought but ne'er so well expressed.

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                          [–]bob-a-rama 37 points38 points ago

                          Thousands of acres ? I guess your name is indicative of the ability to have thousands.

                          [–]Richie311 5 points6 points ago

                          I don't follow? What does my name have to do with my families land?

                          [–]5forsilver 33 points34 points ago

                          richie, as in richie rich. because land is usually expensive.

                          [–]MackLuster77 59 points60 points ago

                          Just another out of touch rich guy...

                          [–]RobReynalds 29 points30 points ago

                          Doesn't everyone have thousands of acres?

                          [–]biggmclargehuge 16 points17 points ago

                          HEY EVERYBODY CHECK OUT THE GUY THAT DOESN'T HAVE THOUSANDS OF ACRES OF LAND, WHAT A SQUARE!

                          [–]TehGogglesDoNothing 5 points6 points ago

                          No, Mittens. And my mom doesn't have money to lend me so that I can start a business, either.

                          [–]BrassTaxation 2 points3 points ago

                          Exactly. That'd be weird if you just had one acorn. If you're even remotely near to an oak tree, you're gonna have at least a couple hundred acres.

                          [–]Richie311 22 points23 points ago

                          Ah yes, quite. But my family is quite smarter than them as we built our family vault entrance under the outhouse.

                          [–]ItsSoBeautiful 5 points6 points ago

                          It all depends on where it is.

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                              [–]ashyjakk 19 points20 points ago

                              Saw a wall of text, was not disappointed when finished reading. Enjoyed the story, im tagging you as "goat master."

                              When I see you from now on, you better be telling hilarious and entertaining stories such as this.

                              [–]tymberwolf 18 points19 points ago

                              Three weeks from now: "why do I have you tagged as goat master?"

                              [–]Jakeyeah 8 points9 points ago

                              TIL Redditors kick the shit out of Goats

                              [–]jumpjumpdie 14 points15 points ago

                              I lolled very hard at this. And for that I am not pleased. I just got my wisdom teeth out and it hurts to laugh. ASSHOLE :P

                              [–]KhalilRavanna 8 points9 points ago

                              Sounds like that billy really got your puts on sunglasses goat

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                                [–]FriesWithThat 168 points169 points ago

                                What fun is a submissive goat?

                                [–]I_use_bro_mockingly 263 points264 points ago

                                More fun than you'd think...

                                [–]tearlesssquash 132 points133 points ago

                                Reddit has trained me to think you're alluding to goat sex.

                                [–]HunterTV 43 points44 points ago

                                Still a step above goatse.

                                [–]patdap 16 points17 points ago

                                But only 1 letter shy

                                [–]BanditoRojo 21 points22 points ago

                                I search every comment for the potential to herd the conversation to goat sex.

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                                  [–]shinyknight55 34 points35 points ago

                                  Bro i love your username.

                                  [–]I_use_bro_mockingly 4 points5 points ago

                                  Thanks, I actually get a lot of compliments on it. ( assuming sincerity )

                                  [–]iamfromreallife 2 points3 points ago

                                  Especially if near a precipice...

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                                      [–]peak 28 points29 points ago

                                      When our goat would get dominant I would wrap my arms around his legs and carefully roll him over onto his side. It would straighten him out for a couple of months before I'd have to do it again.

                                      [–]feorag 13 points14 points ago

                                      We'd just grab ours by the horns and let them yank around a bit, then kind of toss them on their side. I think I was somewhere between 8 and 10, and they were pygmy goats. Pretty fun to have but a goat is a nasty animal... Their sense of cologne...

                                      [–]EvanMacIan 80 points81 points ago

                                      ... is marginal at best; they know the major landmarks, but for anything else you're better off asking a local.

                                      [–]feorag 7 points8 points ago

                                      They talk a big game though, they like to pretend they're locals and misguide the tourists. Goats are schmucks...

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                                        [–]peacebuster 26 points27 points ago

                                        Ram them back with your head!

                                        [–]thunderships 41 points42 points ago

                                        Nevermind the goat. What the hell happened to the wall behind the girl?

                                        [–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

                                        I really want to know this.

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                                          [–]yibgib 36 points37 points ago

                                          Couldn't the goat bite you?

                                          [–]Ihmhi 300 points301 points ago

                                          Then you bite the little fucker right back, and then they turn into a werehuman.

                                          And that's the story of how Minotaurs are made.

                                          [–]ClownMurderfaceMcGee 26 points27 points ago

                                          Sexy bull + Queen in Cow Suit + Doin' it = Minotaur. I knew that Greek Mythology class I took in college would come in handy one day!

                                          [–]beefwich 92 points93 points ago

                                          And that's the story of how Minotaurs are made.

                                          Faun.

                                          Minotaurs are half bull and half human.

                                          [–]Nictionary 26 points27 points ago

                                          Or a satyr.

                                          [–]Needmorecowbe11 6 points7 points ago

                                          Faun...er....FALSE

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                                            [–]Dont_do_dat 13 points14 points ago

                                            True Blood, Season 5.

                                            [–]red97 31 points32 points ago

                                            And that, kids, is how I met your mother.

                                            [–]MBAfail 5 points6 points ago

                                            On the subject of biting goats ..... They taste pretty good.

                                            [–]stopherjj 2 points3 points ago

                                            Source?

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                                              [–]nekokuroneko 25 points26 points ago

                                              Goats do not generally bite. They have no upper front teeth, only a full set of molars and lower front teeth. The only time one of our goats EVER attempted to bite me was when I came into her pen after my mother had to pull her triplets out of her (all three were breach births). She did not want anybody bothering her at that moment, and I don't blame her.

                                              [–]yibgib 20 points21 points ago

                                              Maybe I will get a goat.

                                              [–]mexicodoug 19 points20 points ago

                                              Maybe somebody will get yours. You never know.

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                                                  [–]var23 7 points8 points ago

                                                  They only have bottom teeth on the front, they can mostly nibble.

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                                                    [–]Shadefox 5 points6 points ago

                                                    Yep, used to have two goats. A male and female.

                                                    The male every few days would challenge, and what we did was grab him by the horns, and force his head down to rub his forehead against the ground, hold it for a few seconds and release.

                                                    He wouldn't try again for a few days.

                                                    Was always an amusing ritual.

                                                    [–]sailingonward 14 points15 points ago

                                                    Grab her by her collar sternly and open-palm slap her on the side of her neck.

                                                    [ insert misogyny ]

                                                    [–]Swears_to_Intimidate 2 points3 points ago

                                                    Listen to Meatbeef, and fucking show her who's boss.

                                                    [–]reyeschris11 2 points3 points ago

                                                    .

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                                                      [–]J3DImindTRIP 546 points547 points ago

                                                      Never mind the goat, what is that on the wall?

                                                      [–]SRFG1595[S] 337 points338 points ago

                                                      That's where she scratches herself. If she gets an itch, she has to relieve it some way. And we've had her for 8 years so that's all the scratching in that time.

                                                      [–]Ihaveastupidcat 100 points101 points ago

                                                      Goats love to rub against anything. The male goats I had would scratch their backs with their horns.

                                                      I use to raise pigmy goats and tried on a few occasions to house break them. But I never could get them not to poop inside. I could get them to not pee, but its like goats dont even know they are pooping. It just happens. So does this goat poop inside? If not how did you train it to not poop indoors?

                                                      [–]SRFG1595[S] 154 points155 points ago

                                                      She still poops in the house sometimes but she really only poops after eating or when she gets scared. Since she lives like a queen in our house, she isn't scared much. But if you forget to take her out after she eats, she teaches you not to do that by walking around while pooping, making it a bitch to clean up.

                                                      [–]Ihaveastupidcat 295 points296 points ago

                                                      Walking and pooping is goats specialty. Luckily the pellets are very easy to vacuum up. I have also found if one goat poops and is around other goats it sets off a chain reaction pooping spree. We could never get to the point where our goats could be house broken, and training goats is really hard because they lack the intelligence to learn cause and effect. For example you cant yell at them or swat them with a news paper to teach them anything. They cant make the connection between the action and the reaction. So we just kept them in the fields. They are so cute when they are little and we always wanted a house pet, but it never worked out. Plus the males pee on their goatees to attract female goats, so they always smell like pee, and they never can aim really well so when they try to pee on their faces they end up pissing all over themselves and anything else around them. And goat pee just doesnt wash off.

                                                      [–]P1ofTheTicket 193 points194 points ago

                                                      Tagged as expert in goat excrement.

                                                      [–]curvfastball 57 points58 points ago

                                                      TIL in the year 2012, the human race is still trying to figure out how to get goats from pooping inside. Although by 2030 I envision a future with no goat poops in any American homes.

                                                      [–]ObidiahWTFJerwalk 165 points166 points ago

                                                      For thousands of years humans knew how to keep goats from pooping inside. It's only in the 21st century that they've been foolish enough to bring them into the house.

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                                                        [–]Ihaveastupidcat 19 points20 points ago

                                                        I am, well, honored.

                                                        [–]ihaveatebowner 13 points14 points ago

                                                        Goat Excrepert

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                                                          [–]dont_press_ctrl-W 15 points16 points ago

                                                          I have also found if one goat poops and is around other goats it sets off a chain reaction pooping spree.

                                                          So pooping for goats is like yawning for humans?

                                                          [–]Ihaveastupidcat 24 points25 points ago

                                                          Exactly!

                                                          *yawn

                                                          Damn it. Now I have to poop.

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                                                            [–]PleiadesSTi 37 points38 points ago

                                                            Upvote for the relevant use of "pooping spree" in a comment. Fantastic.

                                                            [–]mexicodoug 8 points9 points ago

                                                            Similar experience and can verify. Plus, it kind of hurts when they hop onto your lap with their hooves, at least if you're a man and have balls.

                                                            Well actually it's really painful.

                                                            Addendum: The goat I'm thinking of was female and her name was Planet. She was the sole survivor of a litter of four and her mother died in kidbirth. She was born in a commune which some would describe as "hippie," being that we had motorcycles, Jeeps, and drank lots of beer and smoked lots of weed and had lots of really good acid and had big all night parties with live rock bands.

                                                            I had to reach elbow deep into her mother's vagina in order to get her out alive while her dying mother screamed and bellowed in pain. We had to keep her inside the house because it was winter and snowy outside. It was hard to keep her from snuggling with the wood stove and burning herself so we had to take turns sleeping with her at night.

                                                            [–]TheAryanBrotherhood 14 points15 points ago

                                                            Walking and pooping is goats specialty....I have also found if one goat poops and is around other goats it sets off a chain reaction pooping spree.

                                                            This is the most accurate depiction of anything that has ever existed. Any goat owner knows this to be true.

                                                            [–]DemetriMartin 10 points11 points ago

                                                            After reading this I love goats even more. My favorite is the youtube video of the one that says "whaaaat?!" over and over and he has huge balls. Funny stuff.

                                                            [–]Ihaveastupidcat 25 points26 points ago

                                                            Have you seen the usher goat?

                                                            http://youtubedoubler.com/?video1=0vGtM1Vh7LI&start1=3&video2=VgAXZHMi_ws&start2=0&authorName=Ann+O%27Nymous

                                                            [–]LadyVixen 2 points3 points ago

                                                            That was incredible. Thank you.

                                                            [–]bearmofo 21 points22 points ago

                                                            The goat in question.

                                                            [–]Hoobleton 16 points17 points ago

                                                            Laddergoat is my favourite.

                                                            [–]latecraigy 12 points13 points ago

                                                            This is one of my favorites, but I forgot it was a lamb. Anyways, you might like it

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                                                              [–]scooooot 3 points4 points ago

                                                              Goats are amazing animals and a lot of fun to own, but they are very much outside pets. Either OP must clean his house constantly or it has an... interesting smell.

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                                                                [–]TUNGL 8 points9 points ago

                                                                That girl should be housebroken and you need to take pictures of the progress.

                                                                [–]IndieGamerRid 10 points11 points ago

                                                                Out of context, this sounds terrible...

                                                                [–]TUNGL 3 points4 points ago

                                                                Or maybe its just what we need right now?

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                                                                  [–]nekokuroneko 7 points8 points ago

                                                                  My family raises Nigerian Dwarf Goats and I can confirm: Goats have no mental awareness of pooping and are thus impossible to fully housetrain.

                                                                  *Ninja edit for clarity!

                                                                  [–]404-User-not-found 16 points17 points ago

                                                                  Does your family use these goats to run email scams?

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                                                                    [–]intel23 224 points225 points ago

                                                                    where the hell do you live?

                                                                    [–]CTRL_ALT_RAPE 7 points8 points ago

                                                                    People usually ignore me when I ask where they live.

                                                                    [–]Inaudible_Whale 87 points88 points ago

                                                                    I don't know why but the tone of your post cracked me up man. I think it might be the lack of an exclamation mark with the question mark.

                                                                    [–]dadude25 18 points19 points ago

                                                                    I've been trying to figure out exactly how you heard his voice... But I can't figure it out and now I'm sad. :(

                                                                    [–]stillnotking 20 points21 points ago

                                                                    I heard a slightly sarcastic Steve Buscemi.

                                                                    [–]btraina 15 points16 points ago

                                                                    I picture it as a straight faced, 1000 mile stare, while almost silently mouthing "where the hell do you live?"

                                                                    [–]ChemicalRascal 4 points5 points ago

                                                                    He probably lives in the same house as intel23.

                                                                    [–]fracai 12 points13 points ago

                                                                    The upvotes are coming from inside the house!

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                                                                      [–]Nerosquito 18 points19 points ago

                                                                      In a barn, obviously.

                                                                      [–]snarchitekt 52 points53 points ago

                                                                      Barn to be wild.

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                                                                        [–]Lots42 26 points27 points ago

                                                                        Windex that shit.

                                                                        No, seriously, Windex works awesome on nearly everything.

                                                                        Strangely, this does not include windows.

                                                                        [–]Bitter_Idealist 16 points17 points ago

                                                                        I had pot-bellied pigs who liked to scratch themselves against the wall and I bought natural-fiber scrub brushes and nailed them to the wall. Also, the cow farmers in my neighborhood get the old street sweeper rollers to put in their fields for the cows to scratch against, so they don't knock down the fences.

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                                                                          [–]WhatsAMeeMee 5 points6 points ago

                                                                          It's a poster from the ragoo-festivoo.

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                                                                            [–]veganatheist 332 points333 points ago

                                                                            FIXED

                                                                            [–]SRFG1595[S] 9 points10 points ago

                                                                            Holy shit that's amazing. I'm gonna have to show that to the girl in the photo.

                                                                            [–]Jay21310 17 points18 points ago

                                                                            I was just waiting for this

                                                                            [–]tazed_confused 45 points46 points ago

                                                                            my girlfriend and I browsing reddit... her: why are you scrolling so fast me: it's here, i know it's here...found it

                                                                            [–]Dat_Karmavore 35 points36 points ago

                                                                            this guys got a girlfriend

                                                                            [–]iamapizza 11 points12 points ago

                                                                            and a scroll wheel

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                                                                              [–]RoyallyTenenbaumed 4 points5 points ago

                                                                              lol..so good. Thank you. This will be my wallpaper at work

                                                                              [–]NowISeeTheFunnySide 2 points3 points ago

                                                                              Dear lord, that is creepy.

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                                                                                [–]oryano 61 points62 points ago

                                                                                You deserve a Pulitzer if you took this

                                                                                [–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

                                                                                Agreed. The timing of the shot is just too perfect.

                                                                                [–]essjay2009 53 points54 points ago

                                                                                That's awesome. They should use it as a guard goat.

                                                                                [–]dontlemmedown 119 points120 points ago

                                                                                To defend from what? A smaller goat that might break into their house at night?

                                                                                [–]ablebodiedmango 85 points86 points ago

                                                                                Men who like to keep their testicles unbruised.

                                                                                [–]BCouto 15 points16 points ago

                                                                                A small goat ramming at your shins would hurt like hell.

                                                                                [–]ozziegt 26 points27 points ago

                                                                                Can't ram your shins if it's on the stove in a pot

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                                                                                  [–]SRFG1595[S] 24 points25 points ago

                                                                                  People...the goat is a girl. That is not a penis. The title even specifically says "she". I wouldn't post goat porn. And the wall is actually clean now.

                                                                                  [–]Punkgoblin 6 points7 points ago

                                                                                  Proof

                                                                                  [–]lekotar 3 points4 points ago

                                                                                  STFU AND POST MORE PHOTOS OF CUTE GOAT

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                                                                                    [–]bungabung 90 points91 points ago

                                                                                    "You didn't have to piss me off!...meh eh eh eh"-Goatye

                                                                                    [–]30thCenturyMan 290 points291 points ago

                                                                                    Hilarious, have an upgoat

                                                                                    [–]C-4 94 points95 points ago

                                                                                    7/10

                                                                                    [–]jbredditor 109 points110 points ago

                                                                                    Would bleat again

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                                                                                      [–]drum1286 102 points103 points ago

                                                                                      First, why is that goat inside the house? Second, I have a goat story: My dad used to have strange goat. He would jump the fence and climb on our car, defecate, then reach under and bite his... uh, penis and stretch it out as far as he could until it snapped back where it belonged. Then he would dismount the car and go back over the fence. Every day. Did you cringe at snapped?

                                                                                      [–]yibgib 104 points105 points ago

                                                                                      Your dad or your dads goat? You did not make that entirely clear.

                                                                                      [–]PendingSente 41 points42 points ago

                                                                                      I think it's obvious it's his Dad. Goats don't do weird shit like that.

                                                                                      Hell, even goat.se wasn't a goat... (possibly the guy's Dad though...)

                                                                                      [–]WilliamGoat 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                      goatse.cx, man!

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                                                                                          [–]bolapara 44 points45 points ago

                                                                                          Sounds a lot like my morning ritual.

                                                                                          [–]Trentskiroonie 24 points25 points ago

                                                                                          ... and he turns back again when you TUG ON HIS WINKY

                                                                                          [–]induscreep 6 points7 points ago

                                                                                          sweet lemonade

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                                                                                            [–]ceamaehan 23 points24 points ago

                                                                                            I cringed... and I don't even have a penis...

                                                                                            [–]googlegoog 22 points23 points ago

                                                                                            Hey babay. What are you doin after tonight's episode of Game of Thrones?

                                                                                            [–]alchemist5 6 points7 points ago

                                                                                            Tonight's episode of Mad Men. Duh.

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                                                                                              [–]chuckDontSurf 13 points14 points ago

                                                                                              TIL goats are fucking weird.

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                                                                                                [–]hooizyoo 20 points21 points ago

                                                                                                Ok, I'll bite. Why the hell do you have a pet goat? Where do you live?

                                                                                                [–]MajorButtface 365 points366 points ago

                                                                                                They are really seeing the ramifications of their actions.

                                                                                                [–]cypherdtraitor 176 points177 points ago

                                                                                                Aww, quit kidding around.

                                                                                                [–]logically 119 points120 points ago

                                                                                                Butt..

                                                                                                [–]LeoRelkceoz 96 points97 points ago

                                                                                                I behoof you to stop.

                                                                                                [–]TheWondermonkey 74 points75 points ago

                                                                                                This thread is making me horny.

                                                                                                [–]crayola_ferrari 79 points80 points ago

                                                                                                trying to think of one but I've goat nothing

                                                                                                [–]Keyserchief 67 points68 points ago

                                                                                                Can we ever have a thread without all of this pointless yakking?

                                                                                                [–]agentphunk 66 points67 points ago

                                                                                                Ewe really have a good point.

                                                                                                [–]kaizn 46 points47 points ago

                                                                                                That was pretty baaaaaaaad.

                                                                                                [–]loaded_comment 4 points5 points ago

                                                                                                Whell, you shouldnt be consuming Rennet then.

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                                                                                                            [–]kiterunner15 29 points30 points ago

                                                                                                            This post is sure going to attract trolls

                                                                                                            [–]CumulativeDrek 25 points26 points ago

                                                                                                            That was a bit gruff

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                                                                                                                [–]giddyup523 7 points8 points ago

                                                                                                                That wasn't what she expected when her friend told her she would get rammed tonight.

                                                                                                                [–]bvrmgnt 87 points88 points ago

                                                                                                                The fact that a goat needs to scratch himself on things doesn't give you an excuse to never clean that disgusting streak of filth off of the wall of your domicile.

                                                                                                                [–]Punkgoblin 13 points14 points ago

                                                                                                                It's only been 8 years.

                                                                                                                [–]LardLad00 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                Dude, they have a goat living in the house. What do you expect?

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                                                                                                                  [–]arteezy 6 points7 points ago

                                                                                                                  This reminded of the episode of HIMYM where Ted is bullied by the goat that Lily saved.

                                                                                                                  [–]upvoted_your_mom 30 points31 points ago

                                                                                                                  "Let me show you the dance of my people".

                                                                                                                  [–]oldbay 11 points12 points ago

                                                                                                                  I knew someone who had a pet goat. It was very cute as a kid but she had to give him up because he got too big for her double wide. And yes, I live in Texas.

                                                                                                                  [–]mitotajc 6 points7 points ago

                                                                                                                  Why would you just sit there flailing your arms, screaming into the face of impending doom? I don't get it. Defend yourself!

                                                                                                                  [–]demetrios1975 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                                  We had goats growing up. When I was six, the most assertive goat we had, a female we named Motorola, charged my three year old brother and fucked him up really bad. He wound up losing some of the cartilage around his ear. not sure if it was a bite, or if it was because he fall and his head grazed a spout that was sticking up out of the ground.

                                                                                                                  Either way, she was a mean ass goat. When our other female goat gave birth, she stomped the baby and killed it. Later, she had kids of her own and was even more psychotic when people came around.

                                                                                                                  [–]Jspanky84 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                  and your family kept this goat? if a goat attacked one of my kids id shoot it on the spot!

                                                                                                                  [–]sadwer 14 points15 points ago

                                                                                                                  I suspect that this picture could fulfill a very specific fetish.

                                                                                                                  [–]GiantWhaleCannon 31 points32 points ago

                                                                                                                  Goatse?

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                                                                                                                    [–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

                                                                                                                    Dude clean up the wall!!!

                                                                                                                    [–][deleted] ago

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                                                                                                                    [–]brussels4breakfast 5 points6 points ago

                                                                                                                    Man! Looks like somebody needs to get a bucket of soapy water and do some cleaning. Holy shit.

                                                                                                                    [–]ertebolle 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                    She's probably just still pissed off about the whole Bush thing.

                                                                                                                    [–]Thingsiponder 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                    Why do people always do that "fear thing" with their hands?

                                                                                                                    [–]meliaesc 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                    White people.

                                                                                                                    [–]Brenner1980 2 points3 points ago

                                                                                                                    Forget the goat! Is that black mold on the wall?!

                                                                                                                    [–]special2plumsfor1 4 points5 points ago

                                                                                                                    Glad to see her instincts are to throw up jazz hands when provoked.

                                                                                                                    [–]WesWar 9 points10 points ago

                                                                                                                    Wash your f-ing wall good lord...

                                                                                                                    [–]Celts78 9 points10 points ago

                                                                                                                    Well if a goat lives there how nasty is the rest of the house?

                                                                                                                    [–]Frankstg 1 point2 points ago

                                                                                                                    A pet goat...

                                                                                                                    [–]ForgettableUsername 1 point2 points ago

                                                                                                                    The girl's expression and the glowing goat eye are priceless.

                                                                                                                    [–]Sergeant_M 1 point2 points ago

                                                                                                                    This is a perfect example of fight or flight; she obviously chose flight.

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